Memoirs of a WrestleZone Moderator by Uncle Sam
- Thread starter Uncle Sam
- Start date
ÐаÑбоÑа
doesn't know REAL wrestling...
Finally, some real exposure
Err yeah, that Johnny.
I punished my daughter accordingly.
Monkey_Mania
I Am The One Who Knocks
Dude, Sam had a boner for HHH and Shawn. Lolz.
Back to my prOnZ!
Back to my prOnZ!
Bonus Chapter:
My Uncle Jonny
My Uncle Jonny
Jonny hated me. I tell a lie. He disliked me. Not necessarily true, actually. Though from what I've been told by others (well, Jake) and from the general tone he took with me on occasions I've gathered he didn't much appreciate my work. On occasions, there seemed to be some hint of him sort of liking or being indifferent to me though.
When Jonny was removed from the staff by Chris Cash (you would've figured it'd be Jake, wouldn't you?) we had a perfectly civil conversation on MSN. The only MSN conversation we'd ever had. Perhaps he felt he should put his differences aside in order to battle his new corporate enemy.
Jonny and I once shared our love of The Killers. Despite Xfear's insistence that they were shit - he was high at the time - Jonny put "Uncle" before his name in reference to what I told him was one of my favourite songs. Our song, if you will. He then added "Uncle" to the names of half the staff. My name is the only to remain, though Shocky had it for a fucking long time.
It would appear that some things I have accredited Jonny for doing have actually been Jake's doing though. As I'm now half way through what I suspect is Jake's elaborate plan to embarrass me by revealing I was never one of the cool kids, despite what I was led to believe, it's easy to believe that Jake has simply been a master manipulator, pulling the strings.
If there was one thing that pushed Jonny's buttons it was Chris Benoit. Not literally Chris Benoit, obviously. It was the mention of him. He once flew off the handle at a poster for posting a satirical picture of Mr. Benoit, permanently banning him. This stood out to me because Jake had recently posted a Fresh Prince rap parody, the lyrics going into such detail that they even fitted in the fact that Benoit's kid had Fragile X.
Jake claims that the only reason I was ever made mod was to annoy Jonny. I'm inclined to believe this because the only reason he ever made Sly a mod was to annoy the rest of the staff. True story. If I ever make it to the Admin Room, I expect to see plenty of Jonny posts about "that Sam cunt". Anything less and I'll be disappointed.
Much as I thought Jonny was a bit too emo for this whole internet jazz - he declared serious business on a regular basis - I still he thought he was a cool dude and looked for his approval as a son does a father's. No shit. It's just a shame that us Brits prefer to isolate ourselves and don't form groups like, say, the Australians do.
Whatever happened to all those Australians, anyway? Their names were all adjectives.
It's...Baylariat!
Team Finnley Baylor
Sam = <3
Jonny did indeed take his Chris Benoit really fucking seriously. Was the reason I was demodded and banned back when the murders first happened, because I dared to speak ill of the man who had murdered his wife and child. Luckily my flock came out in droves to demand my return.
Perhaps I should write my own memoirs. They're bound to be more interesting.
Perhaps I should write my own memoirs. They're bound to be more interesting.
This is the rap that Jake posted. Look away if you're easily offended:
Edit: I certainly hope this is a different D-Man:
"The Fresh Chris of Hell Queer"
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute to talk off-stage
And tell you how I became the victim of a thing called roid-rage.
In the pro wrestling industry, born and raised,
Choking other men is how I spent most of my days.
Headbuttin', cross-facin', as a technical king,
All while shootin' some steroids outside of the ring.
When I got an iPhone, I was up to no good.
Skipped a match and flew back to my neighborhood.
I took one too many roids, my wife gasped for breath,
I said "Stop moving your little ass while I choke you to death!"
I whistled for my son and when he came near,
He still had "Fragile-X" and the physique of a queer.
If anything I could say that this kid was rare,
But I thought "Nah, forget it" and deprived him of air!
I went down to the gym around 7 or 8,
And I yelled to myself "Yo Chris, smell ya latah!"
Hung myself to death, at a very young age,
Now I'm burning in hell, all because of roid-rage.
Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute to talk off-stage
And tell you how I became the victim of a thing called roid-rage.
In the pro wrestling industry, born and raised,
Choking other men is how I spent most of my days.
Headbuttin', cross-facin', as a technical king,
All while shootin' some steroids outside of the ring.
When I got an iPhone, I was up to no good.
Skipped a match and flew back to my neighborhood.
I took one too many roids, my wife gasped for breath,
I said "Stop moving your little ass while I choke you to death!"
I whistled for my son and when he came near,
He still had "Fragile-X" and the physique of a queer.
If anything I could say that this kid was rare,
But I thought "Nah, forget it" and deprived him of air!
I went down to the gym around 7 or 8,
And I yelled to myself "Yo Chris, smell ya latah!"
Hung myself to death, at a very young age,
Now I'm burning in hell, all because of roid-rage.
Edit: I certainly hope this is a different D-Man:
Dman said:
Father:_Polley
Fun's my Chinese neighbour's name
I would like to at least be a footnote in your memoirs
Lol... Jake has some serious talent.
That really was actually quite good and creative, as it was offensive.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Didn't Sam write a remake of American Bad Ass about WZ?
Alas, I believe he took it from elsewhere. He could well be the originator though - it's just unlikely.
The next bonus chapter will be "Miscellaneous Posters" or something so anybody that's ever made an impression on me will be in there. So, like, eight guys.
Right now, I've got to tap out some random thoughts about the glorious utopia that was the VIP room.
The next bonus chapter will be "Miscellaneous Posters" or something so anybody that's ever made an impression on me will be in there. So, like, eight guys.
Right now, I've got to tap out some random thoughts about the glorious utopia that was the VIP room.
Chapter Three:
The VIP Room
The VIP Room
Breasts, tits, boobies, baps, mammory glands, globes of interest. We all like 'em, right? With the exception of M_F and possibly Becca - she plays a lot of Rugby after all, and Shawn Michaels is known to be pretty feminine - I'm pretty sure the answer is a resounding yes. Meilichia's (?) popularity and dramatic rise and fall are proof enough of that.
Now imagine a room on WrestleZone where you a select handful of other posters can looks at wide variety of boobies, in between the occasional thread that nobody really cares about. Anything, y'know, further was banned - largely because of Colamania's presence. He was, like, fifteen at the time. But yeah, sounds great, doesn't it?
You'd think that, as a humble noob, I'd be overcome with joy at being invited into the promised land. Alas, I was not. For the first two or so months of being granted access to it, I barely ventured in. The discussion was hardly riveting and there was little in there that I couldn't find for myself without simply turning Google SafeSearch off. Sure, I got to rub elbows with WrestleZone's supposed elite but I didn't really care. Current Sam, despite acting indifferent, would probably care a lot more about being a member of the VIP room.
Alas - I'm using this word a lot lately - my indifference did not last forever. I can't remember the exact details (of anything) but, like everyone else, I was eventually sucked in to the VIP Room's mysterious and underwhelming aura and become reluctant to venture out. Really, it's like today's bar room.
What were the actual perks of the VIP Room? Let's assess:
- All your best posters stayed in a hidden forum where no one else could see them
- The activation of the post count gave them no incentive to ever leave it
- Boobies
I'm trying desperately to think of who was actually in the VIP room. Let's see, Xfear was probably in there. Jake and Jonny, obviously, Luther, Shocky, Becca (I think), KB (maybe), Wes, Justinsayne (inseparable life partners), Becker (?), Sly, Colamania, DIAR, Echelon, AJ, Shadow, RVDgurl... and others who I don't have the stamina to mention. If you want to post in here and deservedly brag about how you were a member of the VIP room, go ahead.
The VIP Room was nothing but a glorified Bar Room. In fact, it was like a wierd hybrid between the Bar Room and the Board Room - which aren't as different as you might like to think. If you were a VIP, you were generally considered a mod-in-training (unless you were Colamania). Jonny would look over our shoulders and pick out who made the best "Yeah, I like these boobies so much that I *********ed and ejaculated all over my keyboard, rendering it useless" jokes" to make them mods. It was a sublime process, it really was.
Of course, like all mediocre things, the VIP Room eventually had to die. We were driven out, like rats off a sinking ship, with the deletion of the room by none other than Jake. Or maybe it was Jonny. I forget. The biggest blow was that to our post counts. Everyone's went down by at least a few dozens, others by hundreds and AJ's by about ten million. Still hovering above the 1000+ point, I saw no reason to complain. And thus, the wheels kept turning.
To this day, there is still a special bond between all those who belonged to the VIP Room. If you weren't there, you will always be an outsider. Always.
It was during this time, I believe, that I was originally made moderator of the - wait for it - non-wrestling sections. But that exciting story, I'm afraid, will have to wait for another time.
Next Chapter:
Being Made a Mod to Annoy Jonny
The tale of how Jake lied to me. Bastard
Being Made a Mod to Annoy Jonny
The tale of how Jake lied to me. Bastard
That Benoit rap was hilarious.
This is all rather fascinating.
This is all rather fascinating.
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