For about a week now Sully and I have been talking about his Bar Mitzvah. It was a blast, good people, good food, I fooled around with his chubby cousin, Suzanne... it was a great weekend, no two ways around it.
However, I realized it's unfair for the two of us to talk about it when you all missed out on such a great night. For that reason, I decided to share some of the photos I took with you. I hope Sully doesn't mind.
Sully and Grandpa Sullenberger break bread by cutting the challah. What's better, Sully and his grandfather have matching tuxes! How adorable. Unfortunately, Grandpa Sullenberger isn't all right in the head, and he hadn't showered in a week. Sully is being a trooper and grinning and bearing it, but the other guy can't help but grimace and try to get some fresh air.
You may be wondering what the dude in black is doing up there, he's the caterer. Due to Grandpa Sullenberger's hygiene problem, he's going to quickly shove that challah into a bio-wastebag and replace it with a fresh loaf.
For those of you unaware of Bar Mitzvah traditions, it's common for the Bar Mitzvah to call up friends and family members to light one of the thirteen candles on his cake. This is Sully's other aunt, Jenna. I tried to get with her, but she spurned my advances. Apparently the pick up line, "Once you go Jew, nothing else will do," doesn't work as well as I thought it would.
Sully's grandparents from his mother's side. Once again, Sully and his grandfather are wearing the same vest and bow tie. You may notice Sully's grandmother is toothless, this is because of a gum disease known as GINGIVITIS.
All of Sully's aunts and uncles come up to light the middle candle, a task that obviously needs the participation of nine people. If you look to the left of the picture, you'll see that Sully is somehow related to Jerry Stiller.
And at last, Sully calls up mom and dad to light the last candle. Of course, Sully Sr. has been drinking and is whispering to Sully that he doesn't really love his mother. Ouch. Sully struggles to keep a straight face as he lights the last candle. Once again, the men of the Sully family are wearing the same tux. Jesus Christ... I mean... Holy Moses!
Then a nice meal was had, and I started playing footsie with Cousin Suzanne. We'll get to her later. The kids party began a few short hours later.
The people that make up this unimportant couple are simply friend's of the Sullenberger's. You will notice a pattern of ugly men with fat women.
The first of Sully's friends arrive, and look! It's a rainbow of diversity: one yellow, one brown, one white. The over under on kids with braces is at 27. I went with over and won.
Thinking these girls were 16, I started hitting on them. Then one of Sully's relatives whom was a lawyer (it was a Bar Mitzvah, there were bound to be a handful of them) alerted me that legal age is 18... and they were 14. Oops.
And for those of you who doubted Sully's lady-getting abilities, how do you like these apples! Two fine young shiksas (non-Jewish girls) on either side of our young mensch (a gentleman). It looks like he's already leied another girl. Eh? Anybody?... No? Okay moving on then.
And there's my Suzy right smack in the middle. I swear she was less fat at the actual Bar Mitzvah, the camera just adds 50 pounds... and the 8 beers and 6 whiskeys I had take off another 50.
However, I realized it's unfair for the two of us to talk about it when you all missed out on such a great night. For that reason, I decided to share some of the photos I took with you. I hope Sully doesn't mind.
Sully and Grandpa Sullenberger break bread by cutting the challah. What's better, Sully and his grandfather have matching tuxes! How adorable. Unfortunately, Grandpa Sullenberger isn't all right in the head, and he hadn't showered in a week. Sully is being a trooper and grinning and bearing it, but the other guy can't help but grimace and try to get some fresh air.
You may be wondering what the dude in black is doing up there, he's the caterer. Due to Grandpa Sullenberger's hygiene problem, he's going to quickly shove that challah into a bio-wastebag and replace it with a fresh loaf.
For those of you unaware of Bar Mitzvah traditions, it's common for the Bar Mitzvah to call up friends and family members to light one of the thirteen candles on his cake. This is Sully's other aunt, Jenna. I tried to get with her, but she spurned my advances. Apparently the pick up line, "Once you go Jew, nothing else will do," doesn't work as well as I thought it would.
Sully's grandparents from his mother's side. Once again, Sully and his grandfather are wearing the same vest and bow tie. You may notice Sully's grandmother is toothless, this is because of a gum disease known as GINGIVITIS.
All of Sully's aunts and uncles come up to light the middle candle, a task that obviously needs the participation of nine people. If you look to the left of the picture, you'll see that Sully is somehow related to Jerry Stiller.
And at last, Sully calls up mom and dad to light the last candle. Of course, Sully Sr. has been drinking and is whispering to Sully that he doesn't really love his mother. Ouch. Sully struggles to keep a straight face as he lights the last candle. Once again, the men of the Sully family are wearing the same tux. Jesus Christ... I mean... Holy Moses!
Then a nice meal was had, and I started playing footsie with Cousin Suzanne. We'll get to her later. The kids party began a few short hours later.
The people that make up this unimportant couple are simply friend's of the Sullenberger's. You will notice a pattern of ugly men with fat women.
The first of Sully's friends arrive, and look! It's a rainbow of diversity: one yellow, one brown, one white. The over under on kids with braces is at 27. I went with over and won.
Thinking these girls were 16, I started hitting on them. Then one of Sully's relatives whom was a lawyer (it was a Bar Mitzvah, there were bound to be a handful of them) alerted me that legal age is 18... and they were 14. Oops.
And for those of you who doubted Sully's lady-getting abilities, how do you like these apples! Two fine young shiksas (non-Jewish girls) on either side of our young mensch (a gentleman). It looks like he's already leied another girl. Eh? Anybody?... No? Okay moving on then.
And there's my Suzy right smack in the middle. I swear she was less fat at the actual Bar Mitzvah, the camera just adds 50 pounds... and the 8 beers and 6 whiskeys I had take off another 50.
