SEWF - 2/25/11: Be Nice To Sully!

[Smooth Sexual Chocolate]

In case y'all where wondering, Stingers wife does indeed swallow!

 

[CH David]

PUNK SMASH!!!!

 

[INDYjon22]

PUNK SMASH!!!!

We should form a team for the next SEWF. By form a team I mean I ride your coat tails while you smash everyone. We would go far.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

In case y'all where wondering, Stingers wife does indeed swallow!

 

[CH David]

We should form a team for the next SEWF. By form a team I mean I ride your coat tails while you smash everyone. We would go far.

I like it. I start out, I tag you in, you get beat up, I get the hot tag and kick ass? Crock, make it happen!

 

[INDYjon22]

I like it. I start out, I tag you in, you get beat up, I get the hot tag and kick ass? Crock, make it happen!

AWWWWW YEAHHHHHHH.

 

[Theo Mays]

Of course a razor would cause my elimination.

We should form a team for the next SEWF. By form a team I mean I ride your coat tails while you smash everyone. We would go far.

 

[The Crock]

***** i thought i told you leaveme outta dis :|

My bad!

And it's official. There will be a three-way tag for the tag titles at the next SEWF. CH/Indy vs Coco/GD vs... Theo/DEWEY!

 

[CH David]

Major announcement. BAM!

 

[INDYjon22]

Major announcement. BAM!

Got ourselves a title match. Pound it.

 

[The Crock]

There's some new poster reading this right now. Poor guy's probably confused as hell.

 

[ScreaminNormanSmiley]

Have you agreed to the terms of my contractual demands?

 

[The Crock]

Here's the whole show multi-quoted, enjoy.

And to anybody who wanted to be on the show but didn't get on, I'm sorry, you'll be on the next one.

Welcome, ladies and gentleman, I am The Crock. We will be starting off tonight's show on a more serious note. We here at SEWF would like to make you all aware of one SERIOUS issue.

Sully.

As you all know, Sully is a poster here on WZ Forums. Well, here at SEWF we would like to push the "Be Nice To Sully" initiative forward. So on behalf of myself and every single one of the people that has helped SEWF along the way, Sully...

Spoiler

Be nice to Sully.

Crock: Well guys, here it is, our first match of the evening. In what may be the most exciting match-up of the evening, Milenko will take on THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND... Dean Winchester!

Milenko walks to ring, rubbing his face paint ever so gently. He resembles a contestant on Ru Paul's Drag Race, but a bit more feminine.

Following right behind Milenko is Dean Winchester. He is clutching a VHS tape of Con Air to his chest as he approaches the ring.

Crock: For the fans wondering why they didn't get any entrance music, Juggalos and ******s don't get that privilege.

The match kicks off, and this legendary contest is under way. As the two men run towards each other, Winchester suddenly stops. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out an ICP CD, and pulls a pair of scissors out of his other hand. Milenko stands stunned on the other side of the ring, as he is in fear for the CDs.

Milenko: Don't do it!

Winchester: Don't oihatoeih come woiteioh near otwihetioe me! (Inaudible groaning)

Milenko: OK! OK! Just let the CD be!

Milenko turns and stands in the far corner of the ring (with tears streaming down his face), attempting to gain Winchester's trust, but Winchester being the savvy competitor that he is... takes that time to cut through the CD. Winchester struggles, as he is trying to cut through the CD case, but to no avail. Milenko runs towards his opponent, trying to tackle him to the ground. Winchester runs away from Milenko, but slips on a puddle of face paint and tears in the corner. As he hits the canvas, the scissors pierce through his chest and plunge into his heart. Instantly, he is killed. Milenko rejoices in the corner, as he has the victory locked up. Milenko goes for the cover, but suddenly music begins to blare through the arena.

[YOUTUBE]RAEKFwOlWDc[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Who could it be?

Suddenly, emerging from the crowd, Coco The Monkey comes to the ring with a lighter in his hand. He taps Milenko on the shoulder, and as Milenko turns he sets him ablaze by his face paint. As Milenko hits the ground, unconscious due to pain, Coco takes Winchester and puts his arm over Milenko. The ref gets the 3 count, and this one's over.

Crock: A dead dude just beat Milenko... For the love of god...

Stinger approaches the ring.

Crock: Well, what does he want? HIDE YA KIDS, HIDE YA WIVES, AND HIDE HA HUSBANDS.

Stinger gets a mic and begins his promo.

Stinger: I am fucking SICK AND TIRED of this shit. Stop with the pedophile jokes, stop with the wife jokes, or I will fucking.... I'll... I'll.... Ahh fuck you! Tonight, I plan on entering the Battle Royal, and I will win. I will become the Number One Contender, and I will win the SEWF Championship. I will no--

[YOUTUBE]Oo9iTcDK4JU[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Finally the GM, SSC, will step in.

SSC: Stinger, we get it. You like children and you're supposedly married.

Stinger: THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL!

SSC: Don't ever interrupt me.

Pauses to smoke a joint.

SSC: I've decided to have an extra stipulation for you in the Battle Royal. Not only will you enter the Battle Royal as the first entrant, but if you are one of the first 5 eliminated... You'll have to divorce your wife.

Stinger: B-b-b-but...

SSC: No. She's already signed the papers. Now, fuck off out of my ring.

Crock: And here comes our next match. Our newest moderator, JGlass will take on Michael V, resident... moron. Oh, and it's a Hardcore Title match. Why? Because God wills it.

[YOUTUBE]zTLmDuhV3AQ[/YOUTUBE]​

JGlass struts to the ring in a David Wright jersey and a thong, eagerly awaiting his opponent.

[YOUTUBE]USc8lpklXzE[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Interesting theme, Michael. I don't blame you, though.

Michael walks out, well rather stumbles out to the ring. He is wearing a plain white t-shirt with "Doc's NUMBA ONE FAN" written on it in red marker.

Crock: Well, I can't wait for this one.

The match gets under way, and JGlass seems less than enthused to be facing Michael.

JGlass: I can't do this... Come on! I mean, he's a reta--

Right at that moment, Michael comes running and rams his face right into JGlass'.... errr.... "area." JGlass hits the ground in pain, and the ****** Michael goes for the cover, but JGlass kicks out at one.

Crock: This one's closer than I thought, I don't doubt that JGlass will pull it out.

Michael celebrates in happiness, but the referee explains to him that the match is not yet over. Michael storms around the ring in a huff, as JGlass watches with pleasure.

Crock: Did... did... did it move? JGlass, you sick freak... (Seinfeld joke)

JGlass finally stops enjoying the sight, and goes over to try to mount some offense on Michael. The second he lays his hand on Michael, Michael becomes and enraged, ******ed, animal and begins to bash away at JGlass. JGlass backs away, but Michael follows with a head full of steam. Just as JGlass nearly gets stuck in the corner, he reaches into the front of his thong and pulls out a single Skittle. Michael instantly stops and stares at the Skittle.

Crock: *cries* Oh God, why didn't you tell me to take that job writing with Russo? WHY?!

Finally, JGlass tosses the Skittle into the middle of the ring, and Michael runs at it on his hands and knees. JGlass takes the moment to mount him and pound away at his head. As blood flies everywhere, Michael is seemingly rendered unconscious. The ref tries to pull off JGlass, telling him that he has won, but JGlass decks him too. JGlass heads to the outside of the ring and grabs a steel chair.

Crock: JGlass: Cleansing the world since 2009, one ****** at a time.

As JGlass approaches Michael's body in the ring, Michael begins to convulse. As JGlass gets closer, Michael twitches even more. JGlass lifts the chair above his head, ready to strike, but right as he does... one of Michael's twitches propels his foot into JGlass' nuts again, and he goes down in a heap.

Crock:...the hell?

At that point, SNS sprints at the ring, full speed and revives the ref. He covers Michael for the pin, winning the match. An infuriated JGlass cannot believe what just happened.

Crock: A NEW HARDCORE CHAMP! SNS!

The camera cuts to the backstage area where SSC is seen opening the door to a dressing room.

SSC: Hey Doc! Hey! Bro! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Om the other side of the room, Doc is bent over a stack of boxes, while Mozz stands behind him. They are both dripping with sweat, and Mozz is shirtless.

Doc: Oh my fuck, hurry up already!

Mozz: I'm trying, OK?! It's not as easy as it seems. I'm trying to finish the job.

Doc: *groans*

Just then Doc notices SSC.

Doc: Oh... Hey SSC!

SSC: What the fuck is wrong with you?

As SSC storms off, Doc realizes what's going on. Doc chases after SSC, with a pair of wrestling tights halfway up his legs.

Doc: No, it's not what you think! He was helping me put on my pants.

Mozz:...I really was!

Crock steps into the ring with a mic in his hand.

Crock: People, I have an announcement. The Doctor has been fired, I promise it was subtle. But have no fear, I have handpicked a replacement for him in his match against Ferboner. As a matter of fact, let's bring him out.

[YOUTUBE]swB43vKqteI[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: xfearbefore!

X trots to the ring in a Kenta Kobashi t-shirt, as the crowd is ecstatic. Crock then leaves the ring, ready to call the match.

[YOUTUBE]TCNdXE1UMLk[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Weird music choice by Ferbs....

Ferbian sprints to the ring and immediately gets in X's face.

Crock: I got 10 bucks on X, he better not fuck this up.

The match starts, and right away X begins to pound away at Ferbian's head. Ferbian falls to the ground, and X drops some "Mexican Ric Flair"-esque knees. X lifts Ferbs to his feet, and tosses him over the rope. Ferbian crawls over to the announce table and grabs Crock's laptop. X stands there puzzled.

Crock: What is this shit?

Ferbian: Must... Infract... Noah...

Xfear waits patiently for a few minutes, but finally gets sick of it when Ferbian begins to write a novel-sized post on Shawn Michaels. X rips the laptop out of Ferbian's hands and smashes it over his head. Somehow this turned into an anything goes match, so he didn't get disqualified nor did they get counted out.

Crock: FINALLY!

X pushes Ferbs into the ring and waits for him to stand up. As soon as he does X hits a huge Burning Lariat, but doesn't go for the pin. He waits for Ferbs to get up again so that he can hit the move again. Right as Ferbian stands up, Sly's music comes on and he runs to the ring with a steel chair in hand.

[YOUTUBE]UiZU0FTot_U[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: It's Sly!

Sly has on a Bret Hart t-shirt and goes straight towards X. He swings the chair, but at the last moment turns and nails Ferbian. X covers Ferbian for the win, and he embraces Sly. At that moment, Sly rips off his Bret Hart shirt to reveal a Kenta Kobashi shirt.

[YOUTUBE]Juqm94sUV_E[/YOUTUBE]​

The scene cuts to back and shows SNS rushing through the backstage area. He is holding his Hardcore Title in his hands, and is heading towards an exit.

Crock: Good idea. He needs to take that belt to a safe place, where he can't lose it!

As SNS opens the door to the exit, we hear a large metallic thud and SNS hits the ground. A masked man reveals himself, and drops a cookie sheet next to SNS' head. He covers SNS and a ref appears out of nowhere. 1... 2... 3... New Hardcore Champion!

Crock: What a way to win the belt, but who is this masked man?
Random White Text.
The man rips his mask off to reveal himself as none other than JGlass. He looks down at SNS, and yells at him.

JGlass: That's MY fucking title.

New champ. Via /facepan.

Crock: Here's our next match!

[YOUTUBE]10uRa4oENus[/YOUTUBE]​

Out comes FunKay, he grooves to the music for a bit, and hits the ring.

Crock: There's FunKay, but here's his opponent!

[YOUTUBE]FhyAAMpYGZA[/YOUTUBE]​

Paper Ghost begins to trot out to the ring, but right as he does a red dot appears on his forehead.

Unknown Voice: Don't move.

Paper Ghost with a look of confusion on his face.

Unknown Voice: One more step and I'll blow your head off.

Paper Ghost doesn't take the voice seriously, and as he takes his next step a sniper shot rings out around the arena, and he is instantly killed.

Crock: Who took the shot?!

Then, Doug Crashin walks down the arena stairs and into the ring with a sniper in his hands. He drops the gun to go high five FunKay, but the gun misfires and shoots Doug in the head.

Crock: Well... that was fun.

Crock: Well folks, the disturbing circumstances of the last match... oh who am I kidding, that was GREAT! Well, we'll go right into our night match. A BATTLE OF THE TITANS! As Spood will take on JGKY!

[YOUTUBE]ClBnqNUgVcs[/YOUTUBE]​

Joe's Gonna Kill You comes the ring with a towel over his head, he has a STRIKING resemblance to Samoa Joe.

[YOUTUBE]ltM5jHIJFw4[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: HERE'S SPOODBEEST!

An unshaven Spood comes to the ring in tighty whities, and a soiled t-shirt. He is shielding his eyes from the arena lights.

Crock: Now, bring out the special guest ref already.

[YOUTUBE]ww-o--ZaW5M[/YOUTUBE]​

Dave comes to the ring, with a sledgehammer in his hand, he signals for the bell.

Crock: So, let me get this straight... They're fighting to determine who the best Dave protege is? Alright.

The match gets underway, and JGKY is on the offensive. He backs Spood away with thunderous chops to the chest. He gets him into the corner and continues on with the chops, Spood counters, but only for a moment as JGKY Irish whips him into the other corner and hits a huge running knee.

Crock: Good offense, it seems to be like an actual match... Un-SEWF-like.

JGKY picks Spood up off the ground and hits an atomic drop and turns to bounce off the ropes for a lariat, but Spood pushes him over the ropes. JGKY looks stunned on the outside of the ring as Spood was unaffected by the atomic drop. JGKY rolls into the ring and kicks Spood in the nuts, but again to no avail. Spood then gouges JGKY's eyes, and hits him with a low blow of his own. After writhing in pain on the ground for moments, he looks over to Dave asking for an explanation as to why Spood is unaffected. Dave reaches deep into his pockets and pulls out Spood's nuts right in the center of the ring. Both competitors were so distracted that they did not notice Crock slide into the ring with a sledgehammer of his own. He hits both Spood and JGKY with it, rendering them both unconscious. He looks over to Dave, and the men smile. Dave yells at the other two.

Dave: THERE IS ONLY ONE!

The camera cuts to show Crock and Dave in the ring.

Crock: You may be wondering what just happened, but it's unimportant. Maybe some day, you simple-minded people will finally catch on to the "plan." Probably not, let's get to the next match.

Dave heads back up the ramp to a chorus of boos, as Crock heads back to the announce table. Just then Killjoy's music rings through the arena.

[YOUTUBE]wpXtr65BouA[/YOUTUBE]​

TNA SUCKS!
Crock: Well, it's time for the Killjoy Invitational. He will take on one member of the roster, and if he wins he will receive a green card.

[YOUTUBE]rYott1SeA5g[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: What's this?! *laughs uncontrollably*

Just then, dozens of border patrol officers storm the ring and arrest Killjoy.

Crock: Tehehehe

The camera cuts back to the ring, and Phatso is already in the ring. He is waiting for SNS.

Crock: That was a convenient commercial break, but you didn't miss much. Juggalos don't get theme music, so he walked out to a silent crowd.

[YOUTUBE]_K6TcATg_aw[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes the now former Hardcore Champion SNS!

SNS walks to the ring with a giant bruise on the front of his face, cookie sheet in hand.

Crock: This match is a regular match, standard rules. Weapons are not allowed, so I don't know why SNS has the cookie sheet.

The ref rings the bell and SNS runs to Phatso and beats him with the cookie sheet. The ref disqualifies him, tries to pull him away, but he is met with the cookie sheet as well. SNS beckons for a mic, and begins his call out.

SNS: JGlass. Now. In this ring. I WANT MY BELT!

JGlass walks down the aisle with a kendo stick in his hand, belt in the other. He gets into the ring and starts swinging away, but he misses every time. Both men run at each other and simultaneously connect with their weapons. Then, Killjoy comes hopping to the ring in his handcuffs, with officers following him. He covers JGlass and the ref counts, 1... 2... 3... NEW CHAMP!

Crock: What in the name of...?

The officers reach Killjoy and drag him out of the ring, but he is totally satisfied as he has his belt. Halfway up the ramp, the officers get sick of his showboating and tazer him. Then, running from the backstage area comes Angel with a ref behind him. He pulls Killjoy away from the officers and covers him for 3. NEW CHAMP!

Crock: Why baby Jesus?! WHY?! I coulda worked for TNA!

Angel takes off running into the crowd.

The camera cuts to the back, SSC's running around the backstage area mumbling to himself.

SSC: Fucking butt sex.

SSC shivers, but the exit to the arena is in sight.

SSC: Gotta go get some more weed, I can't deal with this all night.

SSC slams through the doors, but something gets in his way. He looks down and sees Angel sprawled out on the ground. He turns and yells for a ref, but in the meantime he drops some Mexican Ric Flair knees. The ref arrives and counts the pin for SSC. NEW CHAMP! SSC runs out into a waiting limo, and speeds off into the night.

Some time later, SSC's limo comes to a screeching halt on a dark corner. SSC rolls the window down and motions to someone on the outside. A hooded man can then be seen, he shakes his head and motions for SSC to come out of the limo. SSC leans forward and says a few words to the limo driver and steps out of the limo with the belt over his shoulder. He walks up to the hooded figure, neither man's face can be seen. SSC reaches into his back pocket and pulls out his wallet. He pulls out 5 bills.

SSC: I need five hundred dollars worth, been a tough day.

Hooded Figure: Five hundred? Alright, hold on.

The hooded figure bends down and picks something up, just then he smashes SSC in the face and drops the object. It was a tire iron. He runs over to the limo and opens the trunk, a gagged and hog tied ref is in the back. He pulls him out and unties his hands. He covers SSC and the ref counts the pin. NEW CHAMP! The hooded man walks into the well lighted limo and reveals his identity... Dave.

Dave: Driver, back to the arena.

[YOUTUBE]N_r5ceKLoYQ[/YOUTUBE]​

As the theme music hits, an angry Will runs out to the ring. He is eagerly awaiting his opponent.

Crock: ...That's nice.

[YOUTUBE]Jw_JopC_VSM[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: And here comes his opponent. His almighty... admin-ness. No, I have not been forced to say any of this.

KB trots to the ring, with the special guest ref Becca by his side.

Crock: Let's get this one underway shall we?

Becca motions for the bell and instantly Will springs forward and nails KB with a huge spear. KB rolls out of the ring, angry as ever. He pulls an iPhone out of his pocket and goes onto WZ. Seconds later, Will disappears and this appears on the tron:

TheOneBigWill​

Recycled match results FTW!

Crock: Folks... it's time! D-Man will face his mystery opponent!

[YOUTUBE]mPbroKfmtkE[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes D-Man!

D-Man comes to the ring, followed by a reluctant IC25 who is trying to explain to him that he has a match of his own to prepare for. D-Man steps into the ring and waits for his opponent.

The lights in the arena go black. Then suddenly, the music starts.

[YOUTUBE]834yPMhVEc8[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: THIS IS STEVE! Maybe not...

Up in the rafters a single figure can be seen. He is pointing a baseball bat at D-Man, it's probably the bat he removed from Doc's anus. He descends down to the ring ready for a battle. Finally, once the lights come back on his identity is revealed...

Crock: It's dman1373! By god! Can it be?!

The match starts and Sting dman1373 swings his bat and strikes D-Man in the head, he instantly goes for the cover and he gets the win! Suddenly 3/3/11 appears on the tron, and he is awarded the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

Crock: What now, Dixie?!

An angry D-Man storms out of the ring yelling at IC25, but IC25 shrugs it off.

[YOUTUBE]OPUVlvEIAJ0[/YOUTUBE]​

As the theme hits, NorCal walks out with IC25 only a few steps behind him.

Crock: Here they come, 2 members of the famed Jersey Triad... The SEWF World Champion NorCal (I almost forgot he won it on the first show.) and IC25. Surprisingly, D-Man who was supposed to be their manager for this match is not here.

[YOUTUBE]vk5vRoc0_nk[/YOUTUBE]​

They walk to the ring, as Coco is carrying Milenko's burnt carcass to the ring along with them.

Crock: HERE THEY ARE! THE PRIDE OF TOYOTA Err... Coco and GD!

The match starts off and Coco and NorCal are in the ring. Coco runs at NorCal, goes for a clothesline, but he swings clean over NorCal's head, as NorCal is a good 2 feet shorter than Coco.

Crock: That might end up being a disadvantage for Coco folks.

NorCal jumps up as high as he can into the air and punches Coco in the face repeatedly. Coco staggers back a few steps, but then he jumps clean over NorCal and stomps on his head.

Spoiler

Crock: Interesting offense here by Coco.

Coco stomps on NorCal some more, and then suddenly a giant mushroom appears in the ring.

Spoiler

Coco wildly runs around the ring, yelling at no one in particular.

Coco: I'm a big boy, now! I'll stomp you all!

As he stumbles into the corner, GD tags himself in and runs at NorCal. As he does so, NorCal turns and catches him in a huge spinebuster. NorCal quickly tags in IC25, and IC stomps GD repeatedly.

Crock: No words can describe this....

GD rolls away and jumps to his feet. He hits a running shoulder block and follows it up with another one. He goes for a third, but is met with an IC shoulder block. Both men back away and do it again, both men hit the ground. As GD stands up, he slips on the infamous puddle of facepaint and tears and that allows IC to pound away at him. IC hits a nice body slam, and follows it up with a running leg drop. Coco wildly runs through the ring, but goes right over the top rope, thus distracting the ref. IC calls in NorCal for the team finisher. IC holds GD and NorCal comes off the ropes for a Hart Attack, but just as he does D-Man runs into the ring and lays him out with a chair. IC tries to get away, but he is met with a chair shot too. D-Man rolls NorCal out of the ring and lays GD's arm over IC. He taps the ref on the shoulder as the ref counts to 3. GD and Coco win the match and are the NEW SEWF Tag Team Champions.

Crock: Alrighty then.

Crock walks to the ring from the announce table.

Crock: Ladies and gentleman, thank you for sitting through this HORRID show. But, before the main event, I'd like to bring out the guest of honor for the night. Let him have his say. Come on out Sully!

[YOUTUBE]NoGD4uMDUsM[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock applauds as Sully walks to the ring. Sully takes the mic.

Sully: First of all, I'd like to thank all of my fans. I know that I'm the real reason you're all here. Second of all, --

[YOUTUBE]VMy9djshbGI[/YOUTUBE]​

Bill Lesnar runs down the ramp into the ring, and catches Sully before he can escape. He lays him out with a huge Jackhammer and waits in the corner of the ring. As Sully gets to his feet, barely, Lesnar nails him out with a Spear and crowd is ecstatic. Macca walks to the ring with a mic in his hand, he pats Lesnar on the back and looks down at Sully.

Macca: Me and you, Sully. Next SEWF!

[YOUTUBE]lOJqicM6x84&feature=related[/YOUTUBE]​

The camera pans around the rings as the lights go out in the arena. A steady stream of SEWF Superstars make their way to the rings.

Crock: Here it is, people. The 30-Man, 3-Ring Battle Royal will begin shortly.

One of the refs runs over and whispers something into Crock's ear.

Crock: From what I understand, there seems to be a man missing from ring three. His spot will stay vacant, as we'll have to continue on. Some of the men in the Battle Royal have already had matches tonight, but they have all earned their spots somehow. Here is a list of the 29 entrants:

Spoiler

1. CH
2. Barbosa
3. TPP
4. Indy
5. Stormtrooper
6. Mintberry Crunch
7. FalKon
8. Jose
9. Rattlesnake
10. Nate
11. Buffalo Dave
12. Dave
13. Numbers
14. JGlass
15. Serious Jones
16. Stinger (His marriage is on the line.)
17. Muffin Top Merkley
18. Theo
19. SNS
20. Mozz
21. Shocky
22. Lee
23. Sparky
24. LR79
25. Sign Guy
26. Noah
27. Sound Of Madness
28. Keyboard Warrior
29. JGKY
Ring One
Ring Two
Ring Three

Crock: Now remember guys, Stinger's marriage is on the line here. If he is one of the first 5 men eliminated, he will have to sign his wife's divorce papers.

[YOUTUBE]Gcyyc8owqoM[/YOUTUBE]​

The bell rings and the main event of the evening is under way! As the mayhem starts, body fly in every direction. All the competitors in ring two rush Stinger and throw him over the top rope. As tears stream down Stinger's face, SSC comes to ringside and teabags him. Stinger's wife throws a pen at him as well as the divorce papers. After Stinger reluctantly signs the papers, his wife jumps into SSC's hands as he carries her backstage. Before he disappears backstage, he turns and points to Dave, which is enough to distract him as he is rolled up by Serious Jones, the NEW SEWF Hardcore Champion! "Serious Business" Jones rolls out of the ring and runs into the crowd with his new title. Buffalo Dave attempts to attack Dave, but an infuriated Dave picks him up over his head and throws him right over the top rope. Buffalo Dave jumps to his feet, teabags Stinger who is still at ringside, and begins to chase Serious Jones. Next, "Quick and Easy" Mozz tries to clothesline Dave over the rope but he backdrops him over the ropes.

Crock: What the hell is going on?

Now, in ring one, Stormtrooper sneaks up on CH from behind and tries to hit his finisher, the "3-Point Stance," on him but CH counters and knocks Stormtrooper down. CH is turning a slight shade of green as he is increasingly getting angrier as Rattlesnake and TPP are both trying to punch him off. Suddenly, CH let's out a primal scream as he "Hulks Up." He begins smashing everything in sight as he throws Stormtrooper, TPP, and Rattlesnake over the top rope. He yells again, and his yell gives out such a concussive force that it eliminates people in the other rings. Sign Guy and Noah both fly over the ropes. Noah's mother runs to ringside and begins spanking Noah. The presence of a scantily clad LR79 infuriated her to levels never seen before. As TPP, Stormtrooper, Rattlesnake, and Sign Guy start walking up the ramp, TPP is suddenly gunned down by an unknown assailant.

Crock: It can't be Doug! ...But, but, it can only be ONE other person. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

The match continues on, as the gunman seems to have disappeared for the moment. In ring three, LR79 flashes and sends JGKY, Keyboard Warrior, and Sound Of Madness over the top rope. In ring one again, Mintberry Crunch, FalK, and Indy are brawling. Indy and Mintberry work together to eliminate FalK, but are both eliminated by manic Barbosa. As he eliminates them he goes into the corner of the ring, now in his catatonic state. Nate and Jose brawl on the other side of the ring, but decide to relax as they realize the other rings still have a lot more work to do. They call for some tacos and beer from the vendors at ringside.

Crock: Smart guys.

In ring two, Theo and the beard are working together as he goes after Muffin Top Merkley. Merk begs for him to calm down and play some LBP 2 with him, but the beard knocks him over the rope. JGlass and SNS meet in the middle of the ring and proceed to fight all over the ring. Just then, Serious Jones comes running back down to the ring with Buffalo Dave and SSC in pursuit, and knocks them both over the top rope. They all continue to chase Serious Jones around the arena, but they all stop and take their turn teabagging Stinger. Dave, Theo, and Numbers all approach each other, but they also decide to relax and they start a sudoku puzzle.

Crock: All the pressure's on ring three.

Now in ring three, Sparky and Shocky are exchanging right hands, and LR79 tries to distract them by flashing, but Becca runs in from the backstage area and tackles her over the top rope, yelling something about KB. The remaining 10 competitors in the rings are ushered into the middle ring and the other two are moved away.

Crock: Getting near the end here!

Suddenly more bullets riddle the ring as bodies fly everywhere. Then Blue Cardinal emerges to a huge standing ovation. He runs to the ring and quickly eliminates the nearest man, Nate, who is still enjoying his taco. Then he gets toe to toe with a bloodied Jose and sends him over the top. Theo runs at him but he takes a razor to the beard and sends him over too. CH and Barbosa double team Shocky and Sparky on the other side of the ring, but they're all eliminated by Lee. Dave runs at Lee from behind and puts him over the top rope, too. That leaves just Dave and Blue in the ring. They begin to brawl, but Blue pulls out his gun and points it at Dave's head. Dave backs away and backs right over the top rope. Blue celebrates his "victory," but Serious Jones slides back into the ring. Serious Jones was never eliminated, so he runs at Blue trying to eliminate him, but Blue turns and shoots him countless times. Blue sends him over the top rope, thus actually winning the battle royal. At ring side, a huge brawl ensues over the Hardcore Title, but at the end of the skirmish as every man is down, SNS slides over and covers Serious Jones for the belt. NEW Hardcore Champion!

Crock: Not only did my tag team partner just become the Number One Contender for the SEWF World Heavyweight Chamionship, but he will go on to face me at the next SEWF show for the vacant World Title.

[YOUTUBE]AsBV-P9gIC0[/YOUTUBE]​

Ty Burna steps out into the ring, the crowd goes wild.

Ty: You've all been avoiding me. You all know I deserve that belt. This two-bit organization needs me! It won't be a World Title match without me!

Crock and Blue look at each other, then all three men get nose to nose as the show fades to black.

Thanks for reading the show, folks.

That's all for SEWF - 2/25/11: Be Nice To Sully.

 

[The Crock]

Have you agreed to the terms of my contractual demands?

Deal.

 

[Nate DaMac]

This isn't over. I was only half finished.

I will avenge you....

 

[Serious Jones]

REMATCH CLAUSE

FUCK YOUR SHIT SNS

 

[Uncle Phatso]

Uncle Phatso for Hardcore Devision?

 

[The Crock]

When you spell it correctly, yes.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

hardcore division. Jesus I didn't even catch that, I'm sorry crock.

 

[The Crock]

Dude, I was kidding!

 

[Uncle Phatso]

Oh ok then, thanks man!

 

[Hyorinmaru]

Am I ever gonna make my way up from jobber to loswer mid-card?

 

[The Crock]

Possibly. It is just SO fun to kill your character off every show.

 

[Serious Jones]

The puddle of face paint and tears were the best part of anything ever.

 

[JGlass]

In all fairness, Milenko won his first fight in recent memory today against Crooked. Sure, Jose came in to help, but Milenko took care of business for the most part by himself. I think that at least deserves a match on the next SEWF card, maybe even a 2 on 1 handicap match with Milenko and Jose teaming against Crooked I.