[Official] CKD Wrestling Thread

[ABMorales787]

I still want my match with Kanye.

 

[Kanye South]

Main Event:
SavageTaker, Coco The Monkey, and Lord Sidious vs. The Power Trip and Doc
Six Man Tag Team Match

Lord Sidious comes out first to loud boos. Coco The Monkey comes out to cheers. SavageTaker comes out to the loudest pop of the night. The Power Trip comes out to a loud chorus of boos. Doc comes out with Mays and KillJoy to loud cheers. Lord Sidious starts out the match with Slyfox. Lord Sidious hits a running bulldog on Sly. He kicks Slys head. He stops and gets out of the ring. He walks to the back, leaving Coco and SavageTaker to fight for themselves. The crowd boos. Coco gets in the ring and locks in the Boston Crab on Slyfox 696. KB runs in and breaks up the hold. Slyfox crawls to the ropes. Doc hits Sly on the arm and tags himself in. Sly is angry. He confronts Doc. Sidious runs back out, but this time followed by Kanye West. Kanye has transformed into Autotunebot 3000. He has his laser sword. He chases Sidious back into the ring and looks as if he is going to destroy Sidious. However he turns around and punches SavageTaker and Coco. Sidious uses his Penis Cannon to blast The Palace Of Sigdom and The Power Trip.

What is this? Transformers 3: Rise of The Douchebags?

Kanye West and Sidious slap each others lightsabers.

Well that is homoerotic, to say the least.

The lights go out again, and the two men's figures are seen again. The lights come back on and Lord Sidious, Coco, SavageTaker, Doc, Theo Mays, KillJoy, Klunderbunker, Slyfox, Jim Simpson, and JKO are all laid out.

CKD Wrestling medical officials crowd the arena as CKD Wrestling goes off of the air.​

 

[Kanye South]

CKD Wrestling

CKD Wrestling starts off with Leafy Shuffleboard running in dim light. Two men are standing in the shadows. You can hear monkey sounds in the background.

Let me be! Let me be!

A loud breaking of a stick is heard. Leafy is covered in blood. Monkey sounds are heard again. The lights go out and the two men are gone.

We go to commercial.

Back from commercial.

Hello, CKD Fans, we are live and in charge! I am Jim Simpson, and right next to me is my broadcast partner, JKO!

Yes, and we have an exciting show for you fans! Tonight, CKD Wrestling is hosted by musician Kanye We-

Yo, JKO, imma let you finish, but CCS had one of the greatest avatars of all time. OF ALL TIME!

Yes, we all remember that incident at the MTV Awards, Ji-

Slyfox 696 hates bant people!

We also remember the time when Kanye said that George Bush hated black peop-

JKO, do you like fish sticks? You're a gay fish-

WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

How could you be so Heartless?

.

Dragon testicles!

Lord Sidious' music hits. Loud boos follow. He gets into the ring.

Shut up!

More boos.

Now, last week, I was cheated out of the CKD Title. Last week, I was minutes away from becoming CKD World Champion. Mere minutes away. But The D-Man speared me. If The D-Man hadn't speared me, I would be CKD Champion right now. But he did, and I'm not champion!

The crowd cheers at the mention of The D-Man.

Shut the hell up! All of you, every single one of you are sycophants brown-nosers. You are all mindless sheep who can't think for themselves. You think, because someone comes out here with funny jokes and a smile, that they are the next wrestling phenomenon? Well, you're wrong. I am the greatest wrestler in CKD, and I am the greatest wrestler in the world because I'm not a submissive clown to you freaks and geeks!

I think Sidious speaks the truth.

So, right now, I'm declaring myself Number One Contender to the CKD Title.

Coco The Monkey comes out with his CKD Title over his shoulder. The crowd cheers.

Well, speak of the devil. In fact, forget what I just said. Since Coco is already here, he can just give me the title that I rightfully deserve.

And why in the floating ass hairs would I do that?

Because I would have that title if The D-Man hadn't hit me.

Look Sidious, you have to admit your problem. Whatever D-Man and you "hit" is between you and him. It's none of our business. For example I wouldn't want anyone knowing that last night, I "hit" our intern production manager. On CH David's locker room bench. Or that the night before that, I "hit" a girl who reminded me of Susan Boyle with an overbite. Or even a couple of weeks ago, I hit a tranny, or I think it was. It might have been a gorilla. Either way, it had a great ass!

You see, this is what I'm talking about. Coco The Monkey takes everything as a joke, he does not have the maturity to hold the CKD World Championship.

Sidious, why don't you ever lighten up and have some fun?

I'm not here to have fun. I'm here to share my views and moderate.

The crowd boos heavily at this. But those jeers turn into cheers when SavageTaker comes out.

What the hell is going on in this company? Everyone loves to talk about championship gold, but they love to forget CKD Wrestling's first fucking champion, The Macho Bad Ass, SavageTaker!

The crowd cheers.

You both just shut the hell up. You know nothing about excellence.

The crowd boos and the boos turn into a mixed reaction when Kanye West comes out.

Yo, what is going on here, fam? Ain't the Louis Vuitton Don the guest host in this bitch?

What in the fuck did you just say?

I said-

You know what, fuck it. I don't give a fuck about your hippity hopper music, ridiculously tight jeans, high top shoes, and dumbass little haircut. I just want to know whether or not I'm going to be in the CKD Title match at Balls of Barbwire.

Oh hell no! You see, you ain't gonna diss Yeezy like that! Yeah, you get the title shot...

But so does SavageTaker! At Balls of Barbwire, it will be Coco vs. SavageTaker vs. Lord Sidious for the CKD World Championship!

But tonight, it will be Coco, Lord Sidious, and SavageTaker vs. The Power Trip (KB and Sly), and Doc!

Yeah, Uh, peace!

Wow, what a way to start off CKD, JKO!

Do you have some rash ointment, Jim?

We go to commercial.



Back from commercial.

Match 1:
SuperCrazy vs. Mr. Eko vs. Dagger Dias vs. NightShiftLoser vs. The Sign Guy vs. KillJoy
6-Man Hardcore Battle Royal for King Of Street Fight Hardcore Title

KillJoy comes out first to cheers. NSL and X come out in the same fashion. SuperCrazy comes out to a mixed reaction. Dagger Dias does the same. The Sign Guy comes out to boos. He has a sign that states "You're all dirty wankers". Everyone is in the ring. Sign Guy starts out the match with a chair to NightShiftLoser's head, but NSL ducks and hits a low blow on Sign Guy.

That attempt was worse than Christian Battlez' posting skills, JKO!

Still waiting on that ointment, Jim.

SuperCrazy picks up The Sign Guy, hits a powerbomb on him, and pins him for the elimination.

The Sign Guy is eliminated.

Ahh, the rash is gone.

KillJoy and Dagger Dias battle each other in one corner of the ring. SuperCrazy picks NightShiftLoser up for a Bodyslam, but NSL reverses it into a tornado DDT. NSL goes for the pin on SuperCrazy, but SC rolls out of the ring. KillJoy has Dagger Dias in position for a Superplex. He lands the Superplex on Dias. Mr. Eko kicks KillJoy in the head and pins Dagger Dias.

Dagger Dias is eliminated.

NightShiftLoser hits a Chair DDT on KillJoy. Mr. Eko runs and punts KillJoy in the head. KillJoy is bleeding. KillJoy fights back, but the referee renders him unable to compete. He is taken to the back with paramedics.

Wow, what a brutal situation! It's down to Mr. Eko and NSL now!

I'm itching again!

Mr. Eko punches NSL. NightShiftLoser punches back. Mr. Eko gets his kendo stick and cracks it across NSL's head. NSL is bleeding. Mr. Eko throws a chair at NightShiftLoser and superkicks him. NSL is on the ground and Mr. Eko gets the pin.

Looks like we have a new Hardcore Champion, JKO! Mr. Eko!

Wait a minute...

As Mr. Eko is celebrating, SuperCrazy is on the turnbuckle. He jumps and hits a successful hurricanarama on Mr. Eko. He gets the pin. 1..2..3..!

Winner and NEW CKD King Of The Street Fight Hardcore Champion: SuperCrazy!

Before SC can get finished celebrating, CH David comes out.

Now, it's nice that you've won your title and everything, but Calvin Cash just gave me an oppurtunity to pick any title I want to become # 1 Contender for, due to the fact that I never got my World Title match with Doc. And rather than try and go for the crowded World Title scene, or have to pick a partner to win the Tag Titles, I'm going to go to my hardcore roots, and challenge you, SC, to a Kitchen Match at Balls Of Barbwire. That's right, I-

Before he can finish talking, the lights go out. Monkey sounds are heard again. Two men are seen at the entrance ramp in a flash of light. These are the same two men that were seen when Leafy was getting attacked earlier. The lights come back on. The two men are nowhere to be found. SC and CH David are both laid out.

We go to commercial.

Back from commercial.

The TM Show with Leafy Shuffleboard

Tonight, our guest was supposed to be JJ "the Devil's Advocate" and we were going to interview him about what in the purple cockslap possessed him to try and oppose the mods. But earlier tonight, a CKD Wrestling superstar, Leafy Shuffleboard, was attacked by two men. Monkey sounds were made, and inside sources say it was not, I repeat, was not a sex orgy with Leafy and Curious George. CKD investigators however did find porn tapes titled "Grandma and the Dragon" on the scene. Moments ago, the lights went out and the figures of the two men were seen again, on the entrance ramp. SuperCrazy and CH David, who were having pointless banter about their Hardcore Title match at Balls of Barbwire, were laid out after the lights came back on. Right here, I have Leafy Shuffleboard with me, and I am going to question him about this incident.

The camera shows Leafy Shuffleboard.

Leafy, how did you just get the shits knocked out of you at the beginning of this broadcast?

Well, I was walking to my locker room with my pornog- cartoons, and I heard voices. So I walked a little faster, and eventually I started running. I tripped, and the lights went out. I was beaten and ambushed, and then CKD medical employees tended to me.

What kind of sick porn is called "Grandma and The Dragon"?

The lights go out again, and TM and Leafy are heard yelling in pain. The two men's figures are seen again. The lights come back on and the room is empty.

We go back to commercial.

Match 2:
General Disarray vs. Becker
Singles Match

General Disarray comes out to cheers. Becker comes out to a loud chorus of boos. Becker starts out the match with an attempt of a piledriver, but GD reverses it and flips him over. He picks up Becker, and puts him in position for the F-5. He lands it and steps on Becker's chest to get the pin.

Winner: General Disarray!

And General Disarray continues to be a force to be reckoned with in CKD.

What sick man would look at a porno called "Grandma and The Dragon"?

We go to commercial.

Back from commercial.

Klunderbunker and Slyfox 696, The Power Trip, are backstage with Johnny Coacham.

Hey CKD Wrestling fans, right now I am standing with the two men who will be fighting Doc and Mays at Balls Of Barbwir-

Slyfox 696 grabs the mic from Coacham.

That hoodlum, Kanye West does not know the first fucking thing about wrestling. If he knew anything, he would let the two most important members of the CKD roster, Klunderbunker and Slyfox 696, rest. But no, he decides to put us on the same team with that unimportant sig maker, Doc. Well I say fuck him! I don't have to do what he says, he's nothing but a prick!

Yeah, I didn't burn the toast, mom. Samson did! Samson did it! Fucking liars!

Johnny Coacham and Sly look at KB with a confused look.

Anyways, right now, I am declaring that me nor KB will participate in the main event. Right now, we are going to pack our bags, and go home-

Before Slyfox can finish, Theo Mays and KillJoy come and attack The Power Trip with chairs.

You both can suck my dirty weiner! And at Balls Of Barbwire, Doc and I are going to win the Tag Titles.

Quote The Palace: Fuck 'Em All!

We go to commercial.

Back from commercial.

Main Event:
SavageTaker, Coco The Monkey, and Lord Sidious vs. The Power Trip and Doc
Six Man Tag Team Match

Lord Sidious comes out first to loud boos. Coco The Monkey comes out to cheers. SavageTaker comes out to the loudest pop of the night. The Power Trip comes out to a loud chorus of boos. Doc comes out with Mays and KillJoy to loud cheers. Lord Sidious starts out the match with Slyfox. Lord Sidious hits a running bulldog on Sly. He kicks Slys head. He stops and gets out of the ring. He walks to the back, leaving Coco and SavageTaker to fight for themselves. The crowd boos. Coco gets in the ring and locks in the Boston Crab on Slyfox 696. KB runs in and breaks up the hold. Slyfox crawls to the ropes. Doc hits Sly on the arm and tags himself in. Sly is angry. He confronts Doc. Sidious runs back out, but this time followed by Kanye West. Kanye has transformed into Autotunebot 3000. He has his laser sword. He chases Sidious back into the ring and looks as if he is going to destroy Sidious. However he turns around and punches SavageTaker and Coco. Sidious uses his Penis Cannon to blast The Palace Of Sigdom and The Power Trip.

What is this? Transformers 3: Rise of The Douchebags?

Kanye West and Sidious slap each others lightsabers.

Well that is homoerotic, to say the least.

The lights go out again, and the two men's figures are seen again. The lights come back on and Lord Sidious, Coco, SavageTaker, Doc, Theo Mays, KillJoy, Klunderbunker, Slyfox, Jim Simpson, and JKO are all laid out.

CKD Wrestling medical officials crowd the arena as CKD Wrestling goes off of the air.​

 

[The Doctor]

Legendary.

 

[Kanye South]

I'll be sure to put you in next week's show, Baller.

 

[Leafy]

I'm one sick individual

 

[Theo Mays]

The ending was freaking oozed all kinds of epicness (and no I'm not talking about the Sidious' and Kanye's lightsaber makings). As always JKO, it was awesome. Totally interested in these two mysterious attackers.

 

[gd]

Awesome show. I'm about to reach Lesnar status.

 

[Coco]

Why is the champ a prostitute?

Because the man likes some realism in his wrestling. Duh.

I can't imagine anyone cheering me though.

Also, ST needs mic time if he wants to be a serious contender.

You made me laugh a couple times, JKO. Not too bad.

 

[TLC]

This is a pretty good read good job JKO.
One thing I would like to ask if where is TLC in all this epicness, you need some one like him in there. Nah i'm joking but if you could, can I be in the next show please.

 

[gd]

TLC can be my manager.

 

[Kanye South]

CKD Wrestling

Hey folks! Welcome to a special Christmas edition of CKD Wrestling! I'm commentator Jim Simpson, and this is my broadcast partner, JKO!

Yeah, hey, guys, yeah.

What's wrong with you, JKO? It's almost Christmas! Fucking Christmas!

Jim Simpson gets up and dick slaps F5 Monster, who is in attendance in the front row of the crowd. He explodes. Simpson sits back down.

As you can see, I'm really excited! What's wrong with you?

Well, it's just that LCW already did a Christmas show, and I just have the feeling that CKD Wrestling is just gonna be a poor, unfunny attempt to copy that.

Nonsense, JKO! Now let's get ready to introduce our special guest host, Santa Claus.

 

[gd]

Santa, MTFO!

 

[Theo Mays]

Santa, MTFO!

What this fellow stated

 

[ABMorales787]

F5 Monster explodes.

 

[Kanye South]

Santa Claus' entrance music hits. He comes down with Bill The Elf.

Spoiler

You see, JKO, this is completely different than LCW. Thanks to CKD's top-notch security, there will be no pedofiles or rapists attempting to invade the premises.

Hi, I'm Santa Claus, and I like to have anal sex with reindee-

Wrong place, big man.

Ho, ho, ho, I mean, I'm Santa Claus and I am very excited to be hosting CKD Wrestling. Now I've been watching for the past few weeks, and I've got to say that I'm going to do better than that cheater, Tiger Woods, and that rude boy, Kanye West. Now, I've got a joke for you all: Who was the first person to change animals?

The crowd looks confused.

The answer is Tiger Woods: he went from a tiger to a cheetah! Haha haha haha!

The crowd is dead. One guy in the crowd sees Becca and yells "Tits or GTFO!".

Okay, here’s another one: When you see a mod in the Bar Room, it’s called moderating. When you see a noob in the Bar Room, it’s called spamming. Why is that? I know why, it’s because Slyfox 696 hates bant peop-

Yo, Santa, I’m really happy for you, and imma let you finish and everything, but you’re being an annoying dipshit, so get on with the show fatass!

The crowd cheers.

Fine. And don’t talk about my weight, I’m very sensitive about that.

Santa takes out a carrot and chews it violently.

Now, tonight we’re going to have a Christmas Battle Royal for Dave’s TV Title. Then after that, we’re going to have a match between Coco, our world champion, and Luther, LCW’s World Champion. And some other shit is going to happen. So-

Santa is interrupted by Lord Sidious’ music.

Well, well, well. If it isn’t the man himself: Santa Claus. How much are they paying you?

What?

Don’t act dumb, you fat cow. How much is Calvin Cash paying you two? How much is he paying you to come out here and act like Santa and some elf?

I’m the real Santa, Sidious.

Oh, sure you are. And I’m a nice person who just loves to have fun! Smiley face, smiley face! L O L! L O fucking L!

Sidious, this is why you are on my naughty list.

Santa, I hate you! You didn’t get me the ***** for my 9th birthday. I was looking forward to that. You know how lonely my cat was after Tim died? He would bite me if I didn’t give him a sensual massage. He would fucking bite me!

That was also the same year that you set Mr. Hawkins penis on fire, Sidious.

He ate my cookie!

You know what Sidious, you haven’t changed a bit since you were 9.

DAMN SKIPPY, FOOL!

You both can shut the hell up. Christmas is nothing but a meaningless event created by top businesses to capitalize on mindless children. I’m not falling for it, though. Never have, never will.

Sidious, why don’t you lighten up and have some Christmas fun?

I’m not here to have fun. I’m here to share my views and moderate.

The crowd is very angry at this. They throw shit at Sidious. Literally, they throw shit at Sidious. Now Sidious’ body odor is worse than before.

All of you shut up and stop! What are you gonna do, red rep me?

You know what Sidious, you’re nothing but a poo poo head. LITERALLY!

Sidious takes offense to this, and grabs Santa by the neck and picks him up for a “Go To Sleep”. Santa is out, obviously. Sidious gets booed as we go to commercial.​

 

[Leafy]

Sidious beat up Santa Claus

 

[Dave]

Sid you heartless bastard.

 

[Kanye South]

Match 1:
General Disarray vs. Drunk Big Sexy
Singles Match

Before the match starts, Big Sexy gets on the mic.

Yo, yo, yo, i just wanna say JKO, lil wayne, GD, and Tdigle can all take a long, dirty ride on rakim's black rod!

The match starts out with punches. Like all of LCW's matches. Now, I could give you a detailed description of how the match is going, but my balls itch. Okay, I'm relieved. Anyways, it was a squash match. Like all of GDs matches.

Winner: General Disarray w/ TLC!

TLC gets on the mic.

As GD's manager, I am tired of my client facing mediocre opponents. So right now, I am challenging the two mystery attackers who terrorized CKD last week to face my client, GD, at Balls of Barbwire.

The lights go out and the two mystery attacker's figures are seen.

Hell no brother! I've got a night light, bitches!

Spoiler: GD's night light

M&M's motherfucker!

We go to commercial.​

 

[Kanye South]

We see TM, Santa, and Bill The Elf backstage.

So, I guess now it's time to exchange gifts.

Yeah. Did you get what I asked?

Screw you guys, I'm going to go moderate the Sports Section. Catch you on the flipside, compadre!

So I got you something you always wanted, Bill.

Spoiler: Santa's gift to Bill

Thanks, man. You really know how to treat a guy.

So what did you get me?

Um, it's nothing. I'll just buy you a gift later.

Well what's that in your hand?

It's nothing, really!

Santa rips the box out of Bill's hand.

Spoiler: Bill's gift to Santa

Hey, what are you trying to imply?!

Well, I've been talking to Mrs. Claus, and she says Rudolph has a bigger cock than you. Fucking Rudolph. Your wife is cheating on you with a fucking deer.

Sad face, Bill. Sad face.

We go to commercial.​

 

[Leafy]

Wait who were the mystery attackers? I thought he had a nightlight?

 

[The Doctor]

I fucking love CKD.

 

[Kanye South]

More to come, my friends...

Tonight.

 

[Kanye South]

Match 2:
Dave vs. Doc vs. KillJoy vs. Mays vs. X vs.SPAMbinovs.GuyCompton
Battle Royal for the CKD TV Title

The match starts out with Doc placing his thunder in the corner of the ring. X is violently skullfucking SPAMbino. He melts, thus he is eliminated. Dave is on the top rope. He jumps and lands on X. He gets up to celebrate. He then notices Doc's thunder. Dave steals Doc's thunder.

It's official. CKD is not original, we took that from DCW!

Tru dat. We're going to have a new CKD TV Champion, folks!

He runs. Doc goes out of the ring to get it back. KillJoy and Mays follow their leader out of the ring. They are all eliminated, they're not in the match anymore. X is celebrating. But wait, why doesn't it say Winner and NEW CKD Television Champion: X? Because if you look at the white text I cleverly placed in the match listing, you'll see that GC is there. A countdown clock appears on the Titantron in the CKD arena. 10...9...8...7...6...7...shut up i'm dyslexic...5...4...3...2..1...

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Giggity! GuyCompton has made his debut in CKD Wrestling! He heads to the ring, X is confused! GuyCompton hits the Zack Ryder knee finisher thing on X. He throws X over the top rope, he is the new CKD TV Champ. Why? Because he repped me and asked me for a CKD push! That's right, backstage politics run rampant in CKD Wrestling!

Winner and NEW CKD Champion: GuyCompton!

F5 Monster is recooperating from his explosion. A car runs over him. We go to commercial.​

 

[Kanye South]

Main event up next. Mr. Baller is special referee.