[Official] CKD Wrestling Thread

[The Doctor]

He then notices Doc's thunder. Dave steals Doc's thunder.

And F5 MONSTAAAAAH getting run over.

 

[Leafy]

No Leafy Shuffleboard? I was getting into my character too.

 

[X]

GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was my reaction when reading he cheated me out of the title:

Spoiler

 

[Kanye South]

Right now is our main event. Elephant testicles, its the biggest main event in all of WZ History! Coco, CKD World Champion will take on Luther, LCW Champion. And since this is just a Bar Room Mini E-Fed, there are no contract restrictions that can prevent that from happening! Oh, and Mr. Baller is refereeing.

Main Event:
CKD World Champion Coco vs. LCW Champion Luther w/ Special Ref Mr. Baller
Champ vs. Champ, Non-Title

The match starts out with some punches and a bitchslap. Coco grabs a cold, wet, turkey and sticks it up Luther's ass. Luther uses it to slap Coco. Coco is stunned. He bodyslams Luther with some fucking authority. Luther gets back up, he runs at Coco, and hits him with a clothesline. He stomps on Cocos neck. I like cheese. Mr. Baller red reps us all for not acknowledging him. Luther takes the turkey out of his ass and somehow bans Mr. Baller. Baller gets clemency. Coco kicks Luther in the balls.

What in purple anal sex is going on here?

Coco takes a match and lights Luther's nipples on fire. Luther's Lady Gaga. No really, Luther's Lady Gaga. When Coco kicked him in the balls, he found a vagina to the right of the penis. Coco hits a DDT on Luther and goes for the pin. 1..2..The lights go off. The two mystery attackers figures are seen again. The lights come back on. We see GD bloody and battered. Santa and Bill The Elf are coming out to settle this. Or so it appears. They remove their Santa and Elf masks to reveal another black mask.

Santa and Bill The Elf are the mystery attackers!

But wait, if they're not Bill and Santa, then who are they?

Aw shit. I guess you'll just have to tune in to CKD to find out who the mystery attackers really are. Good night, folks.

We go off the air.​

 

[Kanye South]

CKD Wrestling

Hey folks! Welcome to a special Christmas edition of CKD Wrestling! I'm commentator Jim Simpson, and this is my broadcast partner, JKO!

Yeah, hey, guys, yeah.

What's wrong with you, JKO? It's almost Christmas! Fucking Christmas!

Jim Simpson gets up and dick slaps F5 Monster, who is in attendance in the front row of the crowd. He explodes. Simpson sits back down.

As you can see, I'm really excited! What's wrong with you?

Well, it's just that LCW already did a Christmas show, and I just have the feeling that CKD Wrestling is just gonna be a poor, unfunny attempt to copy that.

Nonsense, JKO! Now let's get ready to introduce our special guest host, Santa Claus.

Santa Claus' entrance music hits. He comes down with Bill The Elf.

Spoiler

You see, JKO, this is completely different than LCW. Thanks to CKD's top-notch security, there will be no pedofiles or rapists attempting to invade the premises.

Hi, I'm Santa Claus, and I like to have anal sex with reindee-

Wrong place, big man.

Ho, ho, ho, I mean, I'm Santa Claus and I am very excited to be hosting CKD Wrestling. Now I've been watching for the past few weeks, and I've got to say that I'm going to do better than that cheater, Tiger Woods, and that rude boy, Kanye West. Now, I've got a joke for you all: Who was the first person to change animals?

The crowd looks confused.

The answer is Tiger Woods: he went from a tiger to a cheetah! Haha haha haha!

The crowd is dead. One guy in the crowd sees Becca and yells "Tits or GTFO!".

Okay, here’s another one: When you see a mod in the Bar Room, it’s called moderating. When you see a noob in the Bar Room, it’s called spamming. Why is that? I know why, it’s because Slyfox 696 hates bant peop-

Yo, Santa, I’m really happy for you, and imma let you finish and everything, but you’re being an annoying dipshit, so get on with the show fatass!

The crowd cheers.

Fine. And don’t talk about my weight, I’m very sensitive about that.

Santa takes out a carrot and chews it violently.

Now, tonight we’re going to have a Christmas Battle Royal for Dave’s TV Title. Then after that, we’re going to have a match between Coco, our world champion, and Luther, LCW’s World Champion. And some other shit is going to happen. So-

Santa is interrupted by Lord Sidious’ music.

Well, well, well. If it isn’t the man himself: Santa Claus. How much are they paying you?

What?

Don’t act dumb, you fat cow. How much is Calvin Cash paying you two? How much is he paying you to come out here and act like Santa and some elf?

I’m the real Santa, Sidious.

Oh, sure you are. And I’m a nice person who just loves to have fun! Smiley face, smiley face! L O L! L O fucking L!

Sidious, this is why you are on my naughty list.

Santa, I hate you! You didn’t get me the ***** for my 9th birthday. I was looking forward to that. You know how lonely my cat was after Tim died? He would bite me if I didn’t give him a sensual massage. He would fucking bite me!

That was also the same year that you set Mr. Hawkins penis on fire, Sidious.

He ate my cookie!

You know what Sidious, you haven’t changed a bit since you were 9.

DAMN SKIPPY, FOOL!

You both can shut the hell up. Christmas is nothing but a meaningless event created by top businesses to capitalize on mindless children. I’m not falling for it, though. Never have, never will.

Sidious, why don’t you lighten up and have some Christmas fun?

I’m not here to have fun. I’m here to share my views and moderate.

The crowd is very angry at this. They throw shit at Sidious. Literally, they throw shit at Sidious. Now Sidious’ body odor is worse than before.

All of you shut up and stop! What are you gonna do, red rep me?

You know what Sidious, you’re nothing but a poo poo head. LITERALLY!

Sidious takes offense to this, and grabs Santa by the neck and picks him up for a “Go To Sleep”. Santa is out, obviously. Sidious gets booed as we go to commercial.

Match 1:
General Disarray vs. Drunk Big Sexy
Singles Match

Before the match starts, Big Sexy gets on the mic.

Yo, yo, yo, i just wanna say JKO, lil wayne, GD, and Tdigle can all take a long, dirty ride on rakim's black rod!

The match starts out with punches. Like all of LCW's matches. Now, I could give you a detailed description of how the match is going, but my balls itch. Okay, I'm relieved. Anyways, it was a squash match. Like all of GDs matches.

Winner: General Disarray w/ TLC!

TLC gets on the mic.

As GD's manager, I am tired of my client facing mediocre opponents. So right now, I am challenging the two mystery attackers who terrorized CKD last week to face my client, GD, at Balls of Barbwire.

The lights go out and the two mystery attacker's figures are seen.

Hell no brother! I've got a night light, bitches!

Spoiler: GD's night light

M&M's motherfucker!

We go to commercial.

We see TM, Santa, and Bill The Elf backstage.

So, I guess now it's time to exchange gifts.

Yeah. Did you get what I asked?

Screw you guys, I'm going to go moderate the Sports Section. Catch you on the flipside, compadre!

So I got you something you always wanted, Bill.

Spoiler: Santa's gift to Bill

Thanks, man. You really know how to treat a guy.

So what did you get me?

Um, it's nothing. I'll just buy you a gift later.

Well what's that in your hand?

It's nothing, really!

Santa rips the box out of Bill's hand.

Spoiler: Bill's gift to Santa

Hey, what are you trying to imply?!

Well, I've been talking to Mrs. Claus, and she says Rudolph has a bigger cock than you. Fucking Rudolph. Your wife is cheating on you with a fucking deer.

Sad face, Bill. Sad face.

We go to commercial.

Match 2:
Dave vs. Doc vs. KillJoy vs. Mays vs. X vs.SPAMbinovs.GuyCompton
Battle Royal for the CKD TV Title

The match starts out with Doc placing his thunder in the corner of the ring. X is violently skullfucking SPAMbino. He melts, thus he is eliminated. Dave is on the top rope. He jumps and lands on X. He gets up to celebrate. He then notices Doc's thunder. Dave steals Doc's thunder.

It's official. CKD is not original, we took that from DCW!

Tru dat. We're going to have a new CKD TV Champion, folks!

He runs. Doc goes out of the ring to get it back. KillJoy and Mays follow their leader out of the ring. They are all eliminated, they're not in the match anymore. X is celebrating. But wait, why doesn't it say Winner and NEW CKD Television Champion: X? Because if you look at the white text I cleverly placed in the match listing, you'll see that GC is there. A countdown clock appears on the Titantron in the CKD arena. 10...9...8...7...6...7...shut up i'm dyslexic...5...4...3...2..1...

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Giggity! GuyCompton has made his debut in CKD Wrestling! He heads to the ring, X is confused! GuyCompton hits the Zack Ryder knee finisher thing on X. He throws X over the top rope, he is the new CKD TV Champ. Why? Because he repped me and asked me for a CKD push! That's right, backstage politics run rampant in CKD Wrestling!

Winner and NEW CKD Champion: GuyCompton!

F5 Monster is recooperating from his explosion. A car runs over him. We go to commercial.

Right now is our main event. Elephant testicles, its the biggest main event in all of WZ History! Coco, CKD World Champion will take on Luther, LCW Champion. And since this is just a Bar Room Mini E-Fed, there are no contract restrictions that can prevent that from happening! Oh, and Mr. Baller is refereeing.

Main Event:
CKD World Champion Coco vs. LCW Champion Luther w/ Special Ref Mr. Baller
Champ vs. Champ, Non-Title

The match starts out with some punches and a bitchslap. Coco grabs a cold, wet, turkey and sticks it up Luther's ass. Luther uses it to slap Coco. Coco is stunned. He bodyslams Luther with some fucking authority. Luther gets back up, he runs at Coco, and hits him with a clothesline. He stomps on Cocos neck. I like cheese. Mr. Baller red reps us all for not acknowledging him. Luther takes the turkey out of his ass and somehow bans Mr. Baller. Baller gets clemency. Coco kicks Luther in the balls.

What in purple anal sex is going on here?

Coco takes a match and lights Luther's nipples on fire. Luther's Lady Gaga. No really, Luther's Lady Gaga. When Coco kicked him in the balls, he found a vagina to the right of the penis. Coco hits a DDT on Luther and goes for the pin. 1..2..The lights go off. The two mystery attackers figures are seen again. The lights come back on. We see GD bloody and battered. Santa and Bill The Elf are coming out to settle this. Or so it appears. They remove their Santa and Elf masks to reveal another black mask.

Santa and Bill The Elf are the mystery attackers!

But wait, if they're not Bill and Santa, then who are they?

Aw shit. I guess you'll just have to tune in to CKD to find out who the mystery attackers really are. Good night, folks.

We go off the air.​

 

[Kanye South]

Next week, Leafy.

 

[Leafy]

I guess I was getting "Grandma and the Dragon 2: Electric Boogaloo"

 

[Kanye South]

 

[The Doctor]

One thing though, I think you tried too much referential and self-depreciating humor here. As funny as banning Baller was, occasionally you went a little too far in the earlier parts of the show which cheapened it a little.

Luther Gaga was funny because of the firetits.

 

[Theo Mays]

Awesome show once again JKO. I know whenever I'm down in the poops, I'm gonna read me some JKD and it'll brighten up my day and make me laugh my fat ass off. Fantastic shit bro.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

YUS! THE NEW TV CHAMPION!

Good work, JKO!

 

[TLC]

Haha. The ***** bit was funny. I really want too find out who the mystery attackers are.

 

[gd]

I'm a monster.

 

[Kanye South]

Well here I was, looking through old Bar Room posts for some classic entertaining threads, and look what I found:

Click Here To See The Old CKD Wrestling Thread

 

[Kanye South]

CKD > The World

That is all.

 

[Razor]

The ***** bit

I think this alone describes the outright quality of the shows confined within this thread.

 

[Kanye South]

I think this alone describes the outright quality of the shows confined within this thread.

It's supposed to be humorful. But don't worry, FalKon is coming to save us.

 

[Razor]

I'm not gonna lie, GD saying "M&Ms motherfucker!" was pretty funny.

 

[gd]

Razor's alive? Who knew?

 

[Razor]

Meh, who cares about that little bitch?

 

[The Doctor]

Yay! Razor!

Now he can be in CKD.

 

[SavageTaker]

Someone else for me to squash? Cool.

 

[Razor]

I'd completely clean this place up. I'd win every title this place has.

 

[SavageTaker]

So you want to clean the place up I see? Well, JKO, make him The Janitor. You can clean my title once I win it back.

 

[Razor]

Think how bad you'll feel when you lose to a man named "The Janitor."