[Official] CKD Wrestling Thread

[Kanye South]

Hello, CKD Fans, we are live and in charge! I am Jim Simpson, and right next to me is my broadcast partner, JKO!

Yes, and we have an exciting show for you fans! Tonight, CKD Wrestling is hosted by musician Kanye We-

Yo, JKO, imma let you finish, but CCS had one of the greatest avatars of all time. OF ALL TIME!

Yes, we all remember that incident at the MTV Awards, Ji-

Slyfox 696 hates bant people!

We also remember the time when Kanye said that George Bush hated black peop-

JKO, do you like fish sticks? You're a gay fish-

WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

How could you be so Heartless?

.

 

[Kanye South]

The rest of the show will be up Sunday or Monday. I'm fucking tired.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Good thing you put this in the Bar Room.

 

[Kanye South]

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Hey, its a Bar Room fed. S'all good JKO.

 

[The Doctor]

It's pretty hilarious so far.

 

[TSG]

I better make an appearance soon. I want a gimmick, too.

 

[Kanye South]

Dragon testicles!

Lord Sidious' music hits. Loud boos follow. He gets into the ring.

Shut up!

More boos.

Now, last week, I was cheated out of the CKD Title. Last week, I was minutes away from becoming CKD World Champion. Mere minutes away. But The D-Man speared me. If The D-Man hadn't speared me, I would be CKD Champion right now. But he did, and I'm not champion!

The crowd cheers at the mention of The D-Man.

Shut the hell up! All of you, every single one of you are sycophants brown-nosers. You are all mindless sheep who can't think for themselves. You think, because someone comes out here with funny jokes and a smile, that they are the next wrestling phenomenon? Well, you're wrong. I am the greatest wrestler in CKD, and I am the greatest wrestler in the world because I'm not a submissive clown to you freaks and geeks!

I think Sidious speaks the truth.

So, right now, I'm declaring myself Number One Contender to the CKD Title.

Coco The Monkey comes out with his CKD Title over his shoulder. The crowd cheers.

Well, speak of the devil. In fact, forget what I just said. Since Coco is already here, he can just give me the title that I rightfully deserve.

And why in the floating ass hairs would I do that?

Because I would have that title if The D-Man hadn't hit me.

Look Sidious, you have to admit your problem. Whatever D-Man and you "hit" is between you and him. It's none of our business. For example I wouldn't want anyone knowing that last night, I "hit" our intern production manager. On CH David's locker room bench. Or that the night before that, I "hit" a girl who reminded me of Susan Boyle with an overbite. Or even a couple of weeks ago, I hit a tranny, or I think it was. It might have been a gorilla. Either way, it had a great ass!

You see, this is what I'm talking about. Coco The Monkey takes everything as a joke, he does not have the maturity to hold the CKD World Championship.

Sidious, why don't you ever lighten up and have some fun?

I'm not here to have fun. I'm here to share my views and moderate.

The crowd boos heavily at this. But those jeers turn into cheers when SavageTaker comes out.

What the hell is going on in this company? Everyone loves to talk about championship gold, but they love to forget CKD Wrestling's first fucking champion, The Macho Bad Ass, SavageTaker!

The crowd cheers.

You both just shut the hell up. You know nothing about excellence.

The crowd boos and the boos turn into a mixed reaction when Kanye West comes out.

Yo, what is going on here, fam? Ain't the Louis Vuitton Don the guest host in this bitch?

What in the fuck did you just say?

I said-

You know what, fuck it. I don't give a fuck about your hippity hopper music, ridiculously tight jeans, high top shoes, and dumbass little haircut. I just want to know whether or not I'm going to be in the CKD Title match at Balls of Barbwire.

Oh hell no! You see, you ain't gonna diss Yeezy like that! Yeah, you get the title shot...

But so does SavageTaker! At Balls of Barbwire, it will be Coco vs. SavageTaker vs. Lord Sidious for the CKD World Championship!

But tonight, it will be Coco, Lord Sidious, and SavageTaker vs. The Power Trip (KB and Sly), and Doc!

Yeah, Uh, peace!

Wow, what a way to start off CKD, JKO!

Do you have some rash ointment, Jim?

 

[The Doctor]

 

[Kanye South]

Dammit, my laptop is about to go dead. I'll try and post the Battle Royal before I leave though.

 

[CH David]

Coco tapped some ass on my locker room bench? I don't care that shit is funny.

 

[Theo Mays]

JKO this is fucking hilarious dude. Fucking love it. Can't wait to see the rest, if it is anything like these bits and pieces I will be pleased and then some.

 

[gd]

Why is the champ a prostitute?

 

[ABMorales787]

I wanna beat up that piece of monkey crap called Kanye West. JKO, I want you to book me a match with him.

 

[Kanye South]

Match 1:
SuperCrazy vs. Mr. Eko vs. Dagger Dias vs. NightShiftLoser vs. The Sign Guy vs. KillJoy
6-Man Hardcore Battle Royal for King Of Street Fight Hardcore Title

KillJoy comes out first to cheers. NSL and X come out in the same fashion. SuperCrazy comes out to a mixed reaction. Dagger Dias does the same. The Sign Guy comes out to boos. He has a sign that states "You're all dirty wankers". Everyone is in the ring. Sign Guy starts out the match with a chair to NightShiftLoser's head, but NSL ducks and hits a low blow on Sign Guy.

That attempt was worse than Christian Battlez' posting skills, JKO!

Still waiting on that ointment, Jim.

SuperCrazy picks up The Sign Guy, hits a powerbomb on him, and pins him for the elimination.

The Sign Guy is eliminated.

Ahh, the rash is gone.

KillJoy and Dagger Dias battle each other in one corner of the ring. SuperCrazy picks NightShiftLoser up for a Bodyslam, but NSL reverses it into a tornado DDT. NSL goes for the pin on SuperCrazy, but SC rolls out of the ring. KillJoy has Dagger Dias in position for a Superplex. He lands the Superplex on Dias. Mr. Eko kicks KillJoy in the head and pins Dagger Dias.

Dagger Dias is eliminated.

NightShiftLoser hits a Chair DDT on KillJoy. Mr. Eko runs and punts KillJoy in the head. KillJoy is bleeding. KillJoy fights back, but the referee renders him unable to compete. He is taken to the back with paramedics.

Wow, what a brutal situation! It's down to Mr. Eko and NSL now!

I'm itching again!

Mr. Eko punches NSL. NightShiftLoser punches back. Mr. Eko gets his kendo stick and cracks it across NSL's head. NSL is bleeding. Mr. Eko throws a chair at NightShiftLoser and superkicks him. NSL is on the ground and Mr. Eko gets the pin.

Looks like we have a new Hardcore Champion, JKO! Mr. Eko!

Wait a minute...

As Mr. Eko is celebrating, SuperCrazy is on the turnbuckle. He jumps and hits a successful hurricanarama on Mr. Eko. He gets the pin. 1..2..3..!

Winner and NEW CKD King Of The Street Fight Hardcore Champion: SuperCrazy!

Before SC can get finished celebrating, CH David comes out.

Now, it's nice that you've won your title and everything, but Calvin Cash just gave me an oppurtunity to pick any title I want to become # 1 Contender for, due to the fact that I never got my World Title match with Doc. And rather than try and go for the crowded World Title scene, or have to pick a partner to win the Tag Titles, I'm going to go to my hardcore roots, and challenge you, SC, to a Kitchen Match at Balls Of Barbwire. That's right, I-

Before he can finish talking, the lights go out. Monkey sounds are heard again. Two men are seen at the entrance ramp in a flash of light. These are the same two men that were seen when Leafy was getting attacked earlier. The lights come back on. The two men are nowhere to be found. SC and CH David are both laid out.

We go to commercial.​

 

[Kanye South]

The TM Show with Leafy Shuffleboard

Tonight, our guest was supposed to be JJ "the Devil's Advocate" and we were going to interview him about what in the purple cockslap possessed him to try and oppose the mods. But earlier tonight, a CKD Wrestling superstar, Leafy Shuffleboard, was attacked by two men. Monkey sounds were made, and inside sources say it was not, I repeat, was not a sex orgy with Leafy and Curious George. CKD investigators however did find porn tapes titled "Grandma and the Dragon" on the scene. Moments ago, the lights went out and the figures of the two men were seen again, on the entrance ramp. SuperCrazy and CH David, who were having pointless banter about their Hardcore Title match at Balls of Barbwire, were laid out after the lights came back on. Right here, I have Leafy Shuffleboard with me, and I am going to question him about this incident.

The camera shows Leafy Shuffleboard.

Leafy, how did you just get the shits knocked out of you at the beginning of this broadcast?

Well, I was walking to my locker room with my pornog- cartoons, and I heard voices. So I walked a little faster, and eventually I started running. I tripped, and the lights went out. I was beaten and ambushed, and then CKD medical employees tended to me.

What kind of sick porn is called "Grandma and The Dragon"?

The lights go out again, and TM and Leafy are heard yelling in pain. The two men's figures are seen again. The lights come back on and the room is empty.

We go back to commercial.​

 

[ABMorales787]

JKO, you do realize not everyone see's the pages the same, right?

 

[Kanye South]

Match 2:
General Disarray vs. Becker
Singles Match

General Disarray comes out to cheers. Becker comes out to a loud chorus of boos. Becker starts out the match with an attempt of a piledriver, but GD reverses it and flips him over. He picks up Becker, and puts him in position for the F-5. He lands it and steps on Becker's chest to get the pin.

Winner: General Disarray!

And General Disarray continues to be a force to be reckoned with in CKD.

What sick man would look at a porno called "Grandma and The Dragon"?

 

[Kanye South]

JKO, you do realize not everyone see's the pages the same, right?

What do you mean?

 

[Theo Mays]

Poor KillJoy. A member of the Palace of Sigdom goes down brings a frown upon my face lol. Hopefully Doc represents us well in the 6 man tag.

 

[Super Crazy]

Yes, I'm a champion in my debut. No, I got laid out

 

[Kanye South]

Klunderbunker and Slyfox 696, The Power Trip, are backstage with Johnny Coacham.

Hey CKD Wrestling fans, right now I am standing with the two men who will be fighting Doc and Mays at Balls Of Barbwir-

Slyfox 696 grabs the mic from Coacham.

That hoodlum, Kanye West does not know the first fucking thing about wrestling. If he knew anything, he would let the two most important members of the CKD roster, Klunderbunker and Slyfox 696, rest. But no, he decides to put us on the same team with that unimportant sig maker, Doc. Well I say fuck him! I don't have to do what he says, he's nothing but a prick!

Yeah, I didn't burn the toast, mom. Samson did! Samson did it! Fucking liars!

Johnny Coacham and Sly look at KB with a confused look.

Anyways, right now, I am declaring that me nor KB will participate in the main event. Right now, we are going to pack our bags, and go home-

Before Slyfox can finish, Theo Mays and KillJoy come and attack The Power Trip with chairs.

You both can suck my dirty weiner! And at Balls Of Barbwire, Doc and I are going to win the Tag Titles.

Quote The Palace: Fuck 'Em All!

 

[Baller]

where the fuck is mr. baller

 

[The Doctor]

This is eighty seven kinds of awesome. Seriously.

 

[Theo Mays]

Woo! Sneak attack by the Palace. And keeps getting funnier and funnier. You are the fucking man JKO.