A crappy looking arena. Not bingo-hall level, nor even 'iMPACT!' Zone. Still not up there with SmackDown! or Raw though. A wrestling ring plonked in the middle, almost as an afterthought, and an underwhelmingly small ramp with a curtain. It seems that whoever's signing the checks around here has at least payed out for a couple of decent sized "titantrons" though, LCD TVs dotted around the "arena", some RRR logos displayed on them, as well as the barriers and on the sides of the ring. Red cloth is hung over indistinguishable objects around the place, hiding them from view.
Without warning, some sort of generic rock music blasts out of some speakers (which are hidden somewhere) and Paul Heyman emerges, like a toad from a hole. The crowd goes wild. At this point, it'd be reasonable to assume that the audience is made out of 30-year-old smarks who watch such mind-numbing products like CZW. You'd probably be right. Heyman gets to the ring, but it takes a few moments for the overenthusiastic welcome to die down - a "thank you Paul!" there and an ever-original "E!C!W!" here.
Paul Heyman
"Welcome... to Rated... R... Rasslin'! Now, I'm not usually a man of few words, but tonight I want the performers to do the talking. Nearly two dozen men with the money provided to me by a... mysterious benefactor. Among them are legends, like... the Macho Man, Randy Savage! Or... Scott Hall and Kevin Nash! Others are trendsetters, like... ROB! VAN! DAM!"
If the crowd hadn't simultaneously ejaculated at the mention of Randy Savage - c'mon, he's a wrestling legend in pretty much any circle - then they did at the mention of their beloved RVD. Of course, Paul is playing fast and loose with terms like "legend" and "trendsetter". Sadly, the crowd are all too eager to buy into it.
Paul Heyman
"But first, I'd like to bring out the man that is responsible for bringing in half the talent you will see leave their blood, sweat and tears in the ring here tonight. A man without who tonight would not be happening. The Rated R Superstar himself, Edge!"
Edge emerges through the curtain, his WWE theme music banging out. Either they bought out the rights or they're going to have a lawsuit on their hands come the morning. The crowd gives a largely pleasant reaction; they obviously remember him helping RVD win the WWE title... or the entire anti-Cena sentiment which he represents.
Edge
"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your kind applause. But, much as I'd like to sit out here and pander to you all evening, I'm out here for one reason and one reason only; to make an announcement. Y'see, in the months it's taken to prepare this promotion, a promotion named after yours truly, Rated R Rasslin', I've had one goal. The entire reason you're going to see guys like, I dunno, Jeff Hardy or, say Christian Cage out here this evening is because there was a reward for getting these guys. I was told that if I could help create a world class promotion - which, despite the odd washed up has-been this promotion will be - then I could be... World Heavyweight Champion... of said promotion. So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you the belt I will successfully defend later tonight... the Rated R World Heavyweight Championship!"
A column of steam, which supposedly must have used up the rest of the budget to create, descends from the ceiling. In imitation of scenes gone past, Edge reaches into it and plucks out a golden world title from it. On cue, the props around the arena are unveiled, showing Christmassy objects - Christmas trees, a nativity scene, the works.
Paul Heyman
"Welcome... to Christmas Clusterfuck!"
