Sam's LIVE iMPACT! Review

[Uncle Sam]

A world first - a live Uncle Sam review of iMPACT!. Yeah, it's still shit, but it's also LIVE for some reason. How is it live? I'm watching it - or rather listening to it - right now.

So far, we've had a pretty decent Mick Foley promo. For some reason, it seemed like it shouldn't be happening. It was out of place in TNA. Maybe it's because TNA is shit.

That Beautiful People cunt has won the women's title. Give a shit. They had a little party and wailed. Sure, I'd hit that. Literally. And repeatedly. And hard.

Oh, and Beer Money won a match in the Team 3D Tag Team Invitational Tournament. I was furious. Not only is this a ******ed concept, but Beer Money should split finally. The DWI is a cool move, mind.

Now it looks like that one that was tag partners with Lance Cade - something Murdoch, I think? - is teaming with Eric Young. I want to cry.

And for some reason, I can't think of anything but Brock Lesnar. Here comes the pain.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Daniels and AJ were just backstage with Jarrett. I hope they bring those two back as a tag team for one night only for that ******ed Tag Tournament thing. I'd actually like to see that. No shit.

Oh, the women have come on. Let me just mute this. I'll browse WZ and check back now and then to see if it's over. As we all know, women can't wrestle.

 

[Uncle Sam]

There are still women on the screen. I am not happy. At least it's on mute.

Edit: Here come men. I hope they're here to save the show.

Edit2: Oh no, they're strippers!

Edit3: Still more arousing than the women.

Edit4: Here comes Awesome Kong. She beat up one of the strippers.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Nash vs. AJ now. I'm guessing AJ's going to have to sell like a motherfucker just to make him look remotely credible.

 

[Uncle Sam]

AJ's fucking him up. I'm digging this.