Motaste Junk - Stop your brain thinking for 168 seconds

[Uncle Sam]

Well, no. I imagine Mason Ryan fits there as well. I'll update my massive venn diagram immediately.

They announce Barrett as from Manchester.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Watching Snog Marry Avoid on BBC Three. What the fuck is wrong with some people?

 

[Tastycles]

My mate used to work on that. Apparently before they went with the computer woman as the host, they asked every woman in the western world to host it. They all refused. When Nadia Sawalha turns you down, you know you're shit.

 

[Tastycles]

Uncle Ben's instant risotto - smells like cat food, tastes alright.

 

[Lee]

Cat food

Tastes like uncle Ben's risotto - Tastes allright and less racist.

 

[Tastycles]

I dunno, I'm pretty sure I heard the cat of whiskas call Felix the n-word.

 

[Tastycles]

Despite all my rage,
I still don't put it on my facebook page.

 

[Tastycles]

Went to the toilet at work, there was a man fixing the ventelation. Quite reminiscent of the second level of Goldeneye.

 

[Tastycles]

Just auditioned to be in a band, almost certainly didn't get in. Apparently that thing I carry around isn't a bass guitar, it's an invitation for strangers to engage in conversation on public transport. "Nice bass guitar" No it isn't, it cost £40 and I built the electronics myself.

 

[Uncle Sam]

In my experience, mental illness is usually a good excuse to engange strangers in conversation on public transport.

 

[Lee]

Lulz

 

[Tastycles]

Guy I went to school with has been found dead in a river, 22 years old. Awful scenes.

 

[Tastycles]

So I get home on Friday night, drunk. I need to be up at 9 the next morning so I set my alarm.

Trivia - How do I set my alarm, and why doesn't it work?

a) I correctly type in the keys and set the alarm, but it runs out of battery
b) I see that my weekday alarm is set and think that will suffice, but actually it won't.
c) I say to the phone "now, you wake me up at 9 in the morning", and it doesn't because it isn't sentient.

Spoiler

It's c

 

[Tastycles]

Some thoughts:

1) David Luiz is possibly the best footballer I have ever seen in the flesh in my life -he's a centre half that crossed it in with an overhead kick. No exaggeration whatsoever.

2) Fernando Torres played worse than some of the Port Vale players that got beaten 6-0 at the Cottage earlier in the season.

3) I don't have a girlfriend, but have still managed to end Valentine's Day with no money, having lost my bank card.

4) 6:20am is not a good time to find out you've lost your bank card.

5) Clint Dempsey should never take penalties.

 

[Uncle Sam]

You should ring the bank. To tell them how good David Luiz is.

 

[Tastycles]

Got told off at work for ruining the football experience for the TV viewer by singing "na na na na na na na na Torres, Torres na na na na na na na na Torres, Torres na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, Fernando Torres takes it up the arse" for 45 minutes.

It wasn't even me.

 

[Барбоса]

Liked the look of David Luiz when he played against Liverpool a year or so ago

Not enough to ring my bank and tell them though

 

[Tastycles]

Yeah, the bank didn't really get it "Do you have an account with us, Mr. Luiz?"

 

[Uncle Sam]

Gattuso, eh? Gattuso.

 

[Барбоса]

With the kind of money Luiz is undoubtedly on, the bank would love to have him on their books

 

[Tastycles]

Cesc Fabregas, you've been here since you were 16, how are you so shit at English? Oh, Arsene Wenger taught you, didn't he?

 

[Tastycles]

Realised I had no friends in London, so I called my ex-girlfriend. Not my recent ex-girlfriend, you understand, but my girlfriend from when I was 18. She seemed genuinely pleasantly surprised.

 

[The Crock]

How long have you lived in London?

 

[Tastycles]

Since I was 18.

 

[The Crock]

Ahhhh, I see.