Motaste Junk - Stop your brain thinking for 168 seconds

[Tastycles]

Man, they really knew how to sex things up in the 80s.

 

[Dave]

http://grooveshark.com/#/playlist/Ws/53831217?src=5

What happens when you click on this link? It should take you to a playlist. I might do this, without my witticisms until I do something proper.

It does take you to a playlist, indeed.

 

[Tastycles]

Nothing at work is working - no Internet, no phone, no file access. I'm using my iPhone, before anyone makes that expert observation. Anyway, apparently this has happened because "the network" isn't working. So thanks to Mick foley, I'm staring at a blank computer screen.

 

[Uncle Sam]

The Network fired Mick Foley, man. Typical Tastycles scapegoating.

 

[Tastycles]

Is that so? It's probably his parting shot. This is shit. They have brought the connection up, but it's 20 odd it professionals using a single line that is worse than mine at home.*One of the guys is looking at videos of missiles which isn't helping

 

[Tastycles]

It's time for another Tastycles' drinking story, so gather the children.

We're in Canary Wharf, Tastycles stands next to a girl, his friend approaches

Where's this slag going back to?

Friend walks off

Did he just call me a slag?

Err... No. I mean yes, but he didn't mean it.

Tastycles tries to diffuse the situation as he walks to bus, girls male friends arrive

This is my little brother

He blatantly isn't. How old is he?

21

Twenty one! He's never going to believe that!

I can hear you, you ********.

Tastycles, bored with the situation decides to get bus. He stands on the top of approximately 10 steps while the others remain at the bottom.

That's it mate, fuck off.

Cheers mate, yeah, you're a cunt.

Tastycles stops and turns to the man, he estimates he is approximately 5 feet away from him at most

It's easy to be a hard man when you're all the way over there. Do you want me to come and make something of it?

I'm not moving, and I'm right here you knobend, if you want to start something, go for it, but I'll put you on your arse.

Yeah, mate, I'm going to come over and have you right now.

No you're not, you're a cunt.

You better watch out mate or I will come over

No you won't, you're a cunt and you know I'll have you

You think you can take me?

I know I would

I know kick boxing!

No you don't, you're a bullshitter, and even if you did know kick boxing, I'd still have you, because you're a cunt.

Tastycles stares at cunt mate, who then slinks behind his female friend. Tastycles gets on bus with friend. Friend is so drunk that they have to get off bus and get taxi. Tastycles wakes up at 10:30 with his shoes still on when a chinese man rings his flat's buzzer 3 and a half hours early to look around house. Tastylces enters living room to see friend asleep next to a plate containing two buttered slices of toast and a pot of potato salad. Following a quick turn around, Tastycles shows chinese man around the house, sounding like he's doing a Bonnie Tyler impression whilst friend gets dressed on the balcony.

 

[Lee]

I woke up still drunk so rang in sick.

 

[Tastycles]

Tee total thing going well then.

 

[Lee]

Haha I'm a Geordie. 90% of social activities involve drink.

 

[Tastycles]

I can't believe how tame my hangover is. I was absolutely destroyed last night, as evidenced by the tale above, and I'm only about a 3 on the hungoverometer.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I cringe more at the mention of the word "mate" than I do "cunt." A whimsical tale all the same.

 

[Барбоса]

I went out last night with my mate thinking that it was a celebratory piss up for confirmation of my doctorate coming through. Turns out he was only going out because he knew that some girl he was targeting as a fuck buddy was going to be there on a hen party and needed a wingman (He could not have picked a worse wingman) and once he had heard that she had gone home early, any fun that was to be had drained out of the night very quickly

 

[Tastycles]

I spent last night dismantling my 25 year old guitar, some parts of which had never been removed since it was new to try and figure out what was wrong with it. The answer, it turns out, was the wire connecting it to the amp. That's a Saturday night I'm never getting back.

 

[Барбоса]

Sounds like one hell of a night

 

[Tastycles]

The best bit was realising that, after spending about 20 minutes lining everything up to screw it back together, one of the screws was inside.

 

[Барбоса]

Still sounds better than having to deal a bunch of cunt mates

 

[Барбоса]

I have just remembered a rather spell-binding conversation I had last night regarding how good eggs are scrambled, fried, boiled or poached.

Riveting

 

[Tastycles]

I overheard a conversation about eggs yesterday. It reminded me about when I found my old flatmate's cheat sheet his mum had made him with boiled egg cooking instructions.

 

[Tastycles]

"The biggest entertainment phenomenon since the Beatles hits Liverpool"

Surely the most outrageous WWE hyperbole yet.

 

[Tastycles]

Just rediscovered my blazer that I last wore in 2005 for my Cambridge interview. The surprising thing was that a) it still contained a map of the college and my lodging arrangements and b) it still fit, despite the fact I've gained about 5 stone since I last wore it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I found 800 Microsoft points under my bed. No idea where it came from. Can't beat that.

 

[Tastycles]

I don't know. I once found my dad's porno stash.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I once found a friend's dad's porno stash. All the porn, none of the regret.

 

[Tastycles]

Found a magazine wedged under the mattress on my bed just now. Thought I had perhaps a porn stash of my own that I had forgotten purchasing, owning and then hiding. Turns out it was some shitty woman's magazine that my ex-girlfriend had put there because, and I quote, "leaving it out would be messy".

 

[Gelgarin]

I don't know. I once found my dad's porno stash.

Under your own bed?