Well, I promised I'd review Ascension, and I've taken it out to dinner, liquored it up and now I am going to review the shit out of it.
A week in review; Part 2;
Opening;
Ah, hello again Steven Holmes, good to see you being your aristocratic best and not troubling us with your insanity, and it looks like you’re setting a bounty. Hey Numbers, remember when I pitched the idea getting fired and it went to Holmes? I asked to follow that up with a bounty storyline, and it’s gone to Holmes. . .
Okay, so that’s playful joshing now for the most part, while Steven Holmes getting fired and then rehired the next day was one of the lamest things I’ve ever seen in the fed, ever, especially as it was a hatchet job of the storyline idea I pitched, Barbosa was supposed to bully authority figures until S.H.I.T got rehired, instead what we got was fucking lame, but I digress, I am glad that this one came to fruition with Holmes, no really, because it suits his character down to a tee, “I am above XXX, someone else deal with him.” Simply done, well done.
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Match 1;
STA vs W.I – Or how I learned to stop worrying and campaign against Male on Female violence, see later for why.
Well, I assume that because Reese got those bad boys in late he got the no show treatment, and it was nicely executed, that’s all there is to say about that. Hopefully because Remix seems to be playing ball that isn’t the end of the STA though, toodle pip.
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Grand Mystique wishes to address us, and prophecy a future, a future of doom for us all.
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Match 2;
Ricky Runn vs Isabel Stone – Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Male on Female violence.
I like that much like the STA vs W.I match, this was written with the characters personalities in mind, in my day when a chap no showed they were simply stomped out of the company, see King Shabba. Isabel Stone goes out after Ricky Runn gets a bit akward attempting to sit on her face or vice versa, the only danger this creates is that Ms Stone has become a somewhat sympathetic character, although I am sure that’ll be killed off if/when She returns.
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XXX, haven’t seen you in a while, I see the announcers appear to be trying to cash in on the bounty, much fun and merriment to be had by all, this is all fun and games at the moment, but this is somebody’s career we are talking about here.
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Match 3;
TITUS! vs Grand Mystique – Or how I learned to stop worrying and try to work out how Mystique, Ty Burna and The Undertaker do that.
Loong match, much like S.H.I.T on Meltdown young Titus looked set to put this bad boy away, only to be interrupted by theme music, the veteran is distracted, making us all feel better, it’s okay, it happens to every guy, and Mystique gets the pin. Another classic heel/face encounter, with the bigger Mystique using his size and strength but Titus showing the heart to come back and almost pick up the win, unfortunately he came up short due to the distraction.
So, this fuels the fire of Titus vs K.O, while Mystique moves on to, well, whatever he’s doing at the moment. I am glad of this, because outside of Prophet IRL no one has attacked the “White Knight” more-so than Titus, and this moves their feud further on. Still, the real question remains, has anybody tapped to the ankle lock?
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Ricky Runn is heading off to crack one out, may I suggest sitting on your hand first young man.
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Match 4;
Mister Alhazred vs Sam Smith – Or how I learned to stop worrying and wonder what imaginative soul came up with the ring name of Sam Smith.
Sam Smith, using the six degrees method manages to state that he is the best wrestler in the company, thing is, using his logic its hard to argue, its all true, Smith is better than Burna.
A fine display of athleticism in this match, lots of people jumping over each other, I was going to put the 100M hurdles on but I am glad I didn’t now. You think you get a sense of where this one is going when the ref starts checking on Alhazred, we are talking Matt Tastic/Rush territory here, but once again the Powerglove being used as a great equaliser and Alhazred is able to engage the champ on a more equal footing than Tastic on Meltdown, until eventually getting finishered. Good bit of back and forth at least.
Smith gets a mic again, and gives a pretty good speech, what if they actually have nothing to do at Unscripted? That’s actually pretty cool.
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Oooh, Da Who Church and Chris K.O. Evil Overlord and Psuedo White Knight motherfuckers!
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Contract signings, they are cool, and we get a bit of an explanation behind the Empire, basically Constantine is using it as a vehicle to win the belt, Cooper and Bowen are just your average, everyday ethnic cleansers. Obviously Showtime cannot allow this rant to go on uninterrupted and decides to come out, mocking his opponent, much to all of our amusement. Okay, I really enjoyed Constantine being denied the four corners match yet again, good throwback to the PPV there, you could guess that Showtime wasn’t going to get decked again, and Barbosa flying out from under the table was FUCKING cool! Really enjoyed them clearing the ring between them, once again I personally would’ve liked to have seen a S.H.I.T appearance here, perhaps coming out and throwing Constantine back to the wolves before staring down with Barbosa or something, but meh. It was fucking cool.
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Main Event;
Drake Callahan vs Mikey Stormrage – Or how I learned to stop worrying and appreciate the fact that we’ve got this far and this is the first time we’ve seen Drake Callahan.
Pure, unbridled hatred, I take back what I said about the entrances for certain people. Good lord lol.
Well, Mikey is really angry, or hungry, and once again we go with the contrast here, Mikey’s huge size adding a comedic element to the match against the more serious Callahan, is this Callahans new gimmick by the way? Get dominated by wrestlers he thinks are beneath him and then pull out the win. This was, well, this was a Main Event, and a good match that ended with only the two people in the ring and no distractions or whatnot, not that I am against such things, but its nice to go clean through sometimes. Bad luck Mikey, but I think you can play with the big boys now.
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Ah Titus is down. . . Did we ever find out who attacked Black Dragon all that time ago? Oh well, PSEUDO WHITE KNIGHT! JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW! Anyway, with any luck this backstage attack gives us some pay off. Unlike the one with Dragon. . .
A week in review; Part 2;
Opening;
Ah, hello again Steven Holmes, good to see you being your aristocratic best and not troubling us with your insanity, and it looks like you’re setting a bounty. Hey Numbers, remember when I pitched the idea getting fired and it went to Holmes? I asked to follow that up with a bounty storyline, and it’s gone to Holmes. . .
Okay, so that’s playful joshing now for the most part, while Steven Holmes getting fired and then rehired the next day was one of the lamest things I’ve ever seen in the fed, ever, especially as it was a hatchet job of the storyline idea I pitched, Barbosa was supposed to bully authority figures until S.H.I.T got rehired, instead what we got was fucking lame, but I digress, I am glad that this one came to fruition with Holmes, no really, because it suits his character down to a tee, “I am above XXX, someone else deal with him.” Simply done, well done.
---------------- ----------------------------------- ----------------
Match 1;
STA vs W.I – Or how I learned to stop worrying and campaign against Male on Female violence, see later for why.
Well, I assume that because Reese got those bad boys in late he got the no show treatment, and it was nicely executed, that’s all there is to say about that. Hopefully because Remix seems to be playing ball that isn’t the end of the STA though, toodle pip.
------------ ---------------------------- --------------
Grand Mystique wishes to address us, and prophecy a future, a future of doom for us all.
----------- ---------------------------- ---------------
Match 2;
Ricky Runn vs Isabel Stone – Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Male on Female violence.
I like that much like the STA vs W.I match, this was written with the characters personalities in mind, in my day when a chap no showed they were simply stomped out of the company, see King Shabba. Isabel Stone goes out after Ricky Runn gets a bit akward attempting to sit on her face or vice versa, the only danger this creates is that Ms Stone has become a somewhat sympathetic character, although I am sure that’ll be killed off if/when She returns.
------------ ------------------------- ----------------
XXX, haven’t seen you in a while, I see the announcers appear to be trying to cash in on the bounty, much fun and merriment to be had by all, this is all fun and games at the moment, but this is somebody’s career we are talking about here.
---------- --------------------------- -----------------
Match 3;
TITUS! vs Grand Mystique – Or how I learned to stop worrying and try to work out how Mystique, Ty Burna and The Undertaker do that.
Loong match, much like S.H.I.T on Meltdown young Titus looked set to put this bad boy away, only to be interrupted by theme music, the veteran is distracted, making us all feel better, it’s okay, it happens to every guy, and Mystique gets the pin. Another classic heel/face encounter, with the bigger Mystique using his size and strength but Titus showing the heart to come back and almost pick up the win, unfortunately he came up short due to the distraction.
So, this fuels the fire of Titus vs K.O, while Mystique moves on to, well, whatever he’s doing at the moment. I am glad of this, because outside of Prophet IRL no one has attacked the “White Knight” more-so than Titus, and this moves their feud further on. Still, the real question remains, has anybody tapped to the ankle lock?
------------- --------------------------- --------------
Ricky Runn is heading off to crack one out, may I suggest sitting on your hand first young man.
------------ --------------------------- ---------------
Match 4;
Mister Alhazred vs Sam Smith – Or how I learned to stop worrying and wonder what imaginative soul came up with the ring name of Sam Smith.
Sam Smith, using the six degrees method manages to state that he is the best wrestler in the company, thing is, using his logic its hard to argue, its all true, Smith is better than Burna.
A fine display of athleticism in this match, lots of people jumping over each other, I was going to put the 100M hurdles on but I am glad I didn’t now. You think you get a sense of where this one is going when the ref starts checking on Alhazred, we are talking Matt Tastic/Rush territory here, but once again the Powerglove being used as a great equaliser and Alhazred is able to engage the champ on a more equal footing than Tastic on Meltdown, until eventually getting finishered. Good bit of back and forth at least.
Smith gets a mic again, and gives a pretty good speech, what if they actually have nothing to do at Unscripted? That’s actually pretty cool.
----------- ------------------------- -----------
Oooh, Da Who Church and Chris K.O. Evil Overlord and Psuedo White Knight motherfuckers!
---------- --------------------------- ------------
Contract signings, they are cool, and we get a bit of an explanation behind the Empire, basically Constantine is using it as a vehicle to win the belt, Cooper and Bowen are just your average, everyday ethnic cleansers. Obviously Showtime cannot allow this rant to go on uninterrupted and decides to come out, mocking his opponent, much to all of our amusement. Okay, I really enjoyed Constantine being denied the four corners match yet again, good throwback to the PPV there, you could guess that Showtime wasn’t going to get decked again, and Barbosa flying out from under the table was FUCKING cool! Really enjoyed them clearing the ring between them, once again I personally would’ve liked to have seen a S.H.I.T appearance here, perhaps coming out and throwing Constantine back to the wolves before staring down with Barbosa or something, but meh. It was fucking cool.
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Main Event;
Drake Callahan vs Mikey Stormrage – Or how I learned to stop worrying and appreciate the fact that we’ve got this far and this is the first time we’ve seen Drake Callahan.
Pure, unbridled hatred, I take back what I said about the entrances for certain people. Good lord lol.
Well, Mikey is really angry, or hungry, and once again we go with the contrast here, Mikey’s huge size adding a comedic element to the match against the more serious Callahan, is this Callahans new gimmick by the way? Get dominated by wrestlers he thinks are beneath him and then pull out the win. This was, well, this was a Main Event, and a good match that ended with only the two people in the ring and no distractions or whatnot, not that I am against such things, but its nice to go clean through sometimes. Bad luck Mikey, but I think you can play with the big boys now.
------------ ----------------------------- ---------------
Ah Titus is down. . . Did we ever find out who attacked Black Dragon all that time ago? Oh well, PSEUDO WHITE KNIGHT! JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW! Anyway, with any luck this backstage attack gives us some pay off. Unlike the one with Dragon. . .