Sean Valjean
Lets Bitch About This Thing We Love
It's the final Raw before Summerslam, making it the biggest go-home show of the Summer, maybe. If you haven't heard, lightning knocked the power out of the arena earlier today. If God is already upset with this show we then could be in for a doozy.
Paul Heyman and his real-life Machoke Brock Lesnar will address Randy Orton tonight. It's an address that's 15 years in the making. In what way will Paul Heyman inform the Viper that he has no chance in hell of beating his beast? Will it involve singing? Maybe he'll mention the Streak ending. Odds on Orton appearing on the Red show AGAIN to make the brand split look a little more meaningless?
Seth Rollins plans to call out out Demon Balor tonight. If this were the Attitude Era, a painted up midget would respond and hit Seth with the most adorable Coup De Grace ever off a step ladder or something. But since this is the New Era, we'll probably get life-sized Finn and a pre-recorded vignette that accurately addresses Seth's live comments.
Rusev has sworn vengeance against Roman Reigns for spilling Lana all over 1/3 of his prized wedding cakes. Rusev unsuccessfully threw a second cake at Roman meaning the third remaining cake is presumably still with us. Could this cake be Rusev's final solution? A fondant covered missile to obliterate the Roman Empire? Time will tell.
The Club is targeting New Day's balls. That's their actual plan to capture the tag team championships: weaken the champion's nutsacks. Between this and Broken Matt Hardy, this is clearly the best time to be watching professional wrestling.
