[Official] TNA TV Shows Aftermath, Review & Ratings Thread

[Joe's Gonna Kill You]

I thought that tonight was a Pretty Solid show and I liked it more then last weeks shows. This show was mostly good I liked the opening segment the Pope vs Joe match was short at around 5 mins but it still was Good for the time it got. The Ink.Inc vs Gen Me was a Damn Good TV match and helps give some credibility to Ink.Inc before their title match at VR against Beer Money. The 6 Knockout Tag match was Awful and really pointless I wish they could've scrapped that and given more time the Joe Pope match and the ME. I enjoyed the Handicap Street and I'm excited to see AJ vs Matt at the PPV which should be Pretty Good. The Main Event was short but it had some good action in it I just wish it got some time. Some Good wrestling this week besides that Awful Knockout tag match. I thought this was a Pretty Good show I would give it somewhere between B or B+

 

[Kitten Cutter]

RTKC

(The Random Thoughts of Kitten Cutter)

Hello all!

I’ve been looking forward to this Impact. This had a bunch of build-up from last week's show: the end of the Kurt Angle\Jeff Jarrett feud, Sting wins the World Heavyweight Title, Jeff Hardy’s retaliation, Immortals attempting to get their heat back, and of course, we’ll find which wrestlers TNA will forget about this week! On with the show!

~ And we start with Sting! Yea, no Bischoff to start us off!

~ OK, so that’s the style of the tights. Sting DID NOT forget to tuck in his boots.

~ Jeff Hardy one of the greatest? That’s a little thick, isn’t it, Sting? Seeing as you’ve faced some of the greatest of all time in the past 20 years.

~ And there’s Bischoff with Hogan. Damn. Can this guy at least wait 30 minutes before putting himself on-screen?!

~ Sting’s reason for leaving makes a lot of sense. Seeing as the guy dealt with the entire NWO by himself 14 years ago.

~ Sting’s reason for coming back makes sense too.

~ And there’s Mr. Anderson. He’s been going the nearly heel route by whining and bitching a lot. Then again, Rob Van Dam hasn’t said shit, so there’s the opposite end of the spectrum.

~ I think if Mr. Anderson tries to be serious for once in a feud, he could go somewhere more. He’s too much of a clown to be the top guy.

~ And there’s Jeff Hardy. As much as I love a match to start a wrestling show, for once I say it makes sense. Sting had to come out and talk first.

~ And there’s Rob Van Dam. So much for not saying shit.

~ Well, RVD, if you hadn’t been busy accusing ECW of betraying you and facing Jeff’s brother, you might have your title shots early, brother.

~ Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy as a team again? Hmmm… I don’t need spoilers to know what’s going to happen.

~ Angelina says Jersey girls tell you before they kick your fucking ass. Wow, Jersey girls are a lot like wrestlers. That and being loud, obnoxious, and full of shit.

~ Why is Angelina doing ALL of the talking? Oh, wait, that’s ANOTHER Jersey Girl thing. (I’m dating one so I can talk shit about them)

~ I will give her credit. She looks excited to be there.

~ Velvet Sky is hot. Not scary or intimidating, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

~ Actually, I wouldn’t kick any of them out of bed. And yes, that means Winter too.

~ If you had a fight with someone, wouldn’t you rather have a psycho chick than a Barbie doll? Angelina Love’s face says it all.

~ That Angelina\Angelina Love thing is going to be annoying. From now, all references to Angelina from Jersey Shore will be Angel J.

~ TNA, I’m copyrighting this!

~ Hey, Samoa Joe!

~ And Okato! Oops, I mean Okada. Since when does Joe need a sidekick? Isn’t he a legit bad-ass by himself?

~ This is a return match for The Pope. Again, I don’t need spoilers to know who’s going to win.

~ Good idea by Pope. Now he can run away without being interrupted.

~ I don’t care how fat Samoa Joe is. I love the way he wrestles. He just looks brutal and vicious. If TNA really booked him well he could be Taz of the new decade.

~ Good win by Pope. He needed this.

~ Did I miss something? Why does Bubba Ray get two faces to feud with?

~ Hear that sound? That’s relief from a million viewers NOT seeing Jeff and Karen Jarrett doing something selfish somewhere and blatantly unfunny. I know some people liked them, but those segments were obnoxious in a bad way for the show and a waste of time. I’m excited to see wrestlers we haven’t seen in weeks appear tonight.

~ For instance, Madison Rayne, the Knockouts CHAMPION didn’t appear last week.

~ I wonder who our surprise is tonight.

~ And it’s Roxxi! This is like the Jay Lethal Invitational, only much hotter!

~ Does every woman who takes time off dye their hair brunette? First ODB then Roxxi?

~ Does a jawbreaker hurt more with a lip ring?

~ Madison Rayne needs these wins. Her title reign has been very lackluster.

~ Welcome back, Mickie James.

~ And it’s cold in Fayetteville.

~ Calling someone a “big fat bully” seems a little mild for Tommy Dreamer.

~ Nice plan with D-Von and Tommy. Bubba deserves this. Shouldn’t the end of this be at a PPV though?

~ Tommy telling D-Von he’ll go to jail? Hasn’t this team done WAY MORE heinous acts than this?

~ This is going a bit long. Bubba didn’t need to beat up the security guy.

~ You know, I actually forgot that Cookie was wrestling tonight.

~ Angel J. is wearing designer boots for the match.

~ Nice touches by Winter!

~ Velvet Sky, didn’t you learn this in high school: don’t piss off the psycho kids!

~ Is Angel J. choking or humping?

~ Well, this match is an overbooked hot mess! How is the ref NOT seeing this?!

~ At least it was short. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 TNA booking!

~ Angel J. got hit with a forearm and literally just got up without selling it.

~ She has a lot of work to do. On the other hand, her lack of ability fits right into the Knockouts!

~ Goddamn, Velvet Sky is hot!

~ Thank you, TNA, for giving me three matches (and one parking lot brawl) in the first hour. Even if two were Knockouts match and one involved a Jersey Shore girl.

~ The more I think about it, the Hardys and Ric Flair make a lot of sense together.

~ I love how A.J. Styles says he’s not taking a backseat to anyone yet he’s the only member of Fourtune without a belt and not even attempting to chase either the World Title or TV Title. Would Flair let the Horsemen have belts and he not have one?

~ If Bischoff and Russo are smart, Styles will be the marquee guy this summer.

~ I thought this was going to be a match…

~ Yeah, Matt, you had it SO bad…

~ A three-way Street Fight? Why not just call it a handicap match?

~ Oh, Flair’s bleeding again. Really, TNA, really?!

~ Wouldn’t a Twist of Hate on a chair hurt Matt’s elbow a lot?

~ Styles lost to two guys, Flair and Mat Hardy. That’s still credible.

~ RVD needs to lighten up and get over it. I don’t know who’s a bigger bitch, him or Anderson.

~ I love how Desmond Wolfe still gets an action figure and we haven’t seen him in months. How long has he been with TNA?

~ 5 matches? With a 6th for the main event? Nice.

~ It’s like the Hardys (clean cut) vs. the Hardys (crazy type), only not.

~ I like how Beer Money scouts their opponents more than usual.

~ Hooray for REAL tag team wrestling!

~ I still can’t believe Kurt Angle brought out and used an axe in the ring.

~ The Jarretts are going on a honeymoon? After all of the vacations they’ve been on?! I’d love to have their life!

~ Note to TNA: ONE segment. ONE segment. That got over Jeff Jarrett as a arrogant prick and Karen Jarrett as whiny, snobby bitch. ONE segment. That's all you need!

~ I still don’t know why TNA stuck both members of Generation Me into the Ultimate X match. Not that they can’t do it because their spots will be awesome; it’s just pointless when they haven’t done everything as a tag team yet, and there's lots of other wrestlers that can do their spots and make the match seem much more legit.

~ The Ultimate X match is the best thing TNA ever invented.

~ Victory Road has a decent line-up. I may actually order it.

~ Sting, I’m begging you, PLEASE get rid of that eyesore of a World Title!!!

~ Welcome back to heel-dom, Mr. Anderson. You’ve made the IWC very happy.

~ Who the hell is doing the ring announcing for the main event?! Did a ******ed kid with marbles in his mouth grab the mic?

~ The crowd wants Sting. So does RVD. Of course this is after he said he doesn't like or trust him.

~ That was the greatest tag ever!

~ The more I look at Rob Van Dam, the more I think how sluggish his in-ring style has gotten. He’s a long way removed from his series of matches with Jerry Lynn.

~ The Mic Check should be faster. Anderson bends his opponent one time too many.

~ I like the ending to the main event. Everything that happened made sense and the main event was still a good match.

~ Last thing: see what happens, RVD, when you play nice with others?

Overall: This was one of my favorite Impacts. 6 matches, 5 of them good to very good, lack of crappy segments and showcasing a good variety of wrestlers. Nothing really bad to say; I enjoyed watching it a lot tonight.

 

[Chrome]

I thought that tonight was a Pretty Solid show and I liked it more then last weeks shows. This show was mostly good I liked the opening segment the Pope vs Joe match was short at around 5 mins but it still was Good for the time it got. The Ink.Inc vs Gen Me was a Damn Good TV match and helps give some credibility to Ink.Inc before their title match at VR against Beer Money. The 6 Knockout Tag match was Awful and really pointless I wish they could've scrapped that and given more time the Joe Pope match and the ME. I enjoyed the Handicap Street and I'm excited to see AJ vs Matt at the PPV which should be Pretty Good. The Main Event was short but it had some good action in it I just wish it got some time. Some Good wrestling this week besides that Awful Knockout tag match. I thought this was a Pretty Good show I would give it somewhere between B or B+

I agree with all this.. except I give the KO tag match a pass for the EXCELLENT camera work on shots of Velvet Skys ASS!! hawt damn that was a sexy pin *call me shallow*

Over all I liked the episode.. nice crowd, good matches, storyline development, I wish Matt Morgan was in it (he has grown on me) but otherwise I think everyone was used to the best of their ability. 4.5/5

 

[Superstar77]

Here are my thoughts on Imact 3-10-11

I wasn't even going to bother with this but I have some things to say about the show.

Sting / Hogan & Bischoff / Jeff Hardy / Mr. Anderson / RVD segment
New world champion Sting starts the show first with a promo. They really need to get rid of that Jeff Hardy custom belt and bring back the real world title. I want to say if Sting really cared about TNA he would not have walked out last year. If he knew Hogan and Bischoff was lying to Dixie to steal her company he should have just told her. Instead he acted all of cryptic an talked in bullshit code instead of just flat out saying these guys are lying to you and trying to steal your company.

I laughed when Sting said Jeff Hardy is one of the greatest wrestler he's ever faced. OK Hardy isn't bad but one of the greatest?! Plus you beat him 6 minutes to win the title. So how did he take you to your limits Sting?

Decent segment I guess. Though I find it funny they open the show with all of these former WCW, WWE & ECW people and no mention of any TNA originals at all.

Samoa Joe vs The Pope
If TNA can't come up with anything better for Okada to do they should just let the guy go already. He looks ridiculous dressed as a Kato wannabe. The Pope has really lost his luster and I don't blame him for it either. I also don't understand why they turned him heel because people don't want to boo him. The Pope wins after hitting Joe with a chain in a short match. I think this is the 1st win the Pope's had in quite some time. This is another match should that have taken place at Victory Road since it does have build up.

Bully Ray / Tommy Dreamer / Devon segments / brawl
I still don't understand why they are stretching out this Ray / Devon feud or why Tommy Dreamer will be facing Ray at the PPV. IMO it's a Impact match. I did like Devon finally getting some revenge on Ray but they completely made that pointless by having Ray get up immediately and beat up some security guard. Ugh!

Madison Rayne vs Roxxi
In another one of Madison's open challenges former KO Roxxi returns. It was kind of sad that no one in the audience knew who she was. Also I'm really shocked she would returned after what they did to her last year. Madison pins Roxxi in a squash. Mickie then comes out to make the save. I assume this will set up a rematch between them for the KO title at Lockdown.

Madison Rayne needs these wins. Her title reign has been very lackluster.

I agree Madison's reign has been very lackluster so far. As for her needing these wins they still don't make her come off as threat. She has 2 wins over Mickie on PPV and they still don't make her look like a threat. So beating 2 former KOs still doesn't make her look any better IMO.

TBP & Winter vs Sarita, Cookie & Angelina (Jersey Shore)
The backstage segment was really annoying. I don't understand why Cookie & Angelina (JS) are so confident since they aren't wrestlers. Sarita shrugging off her lose to Velvet last week and still calling her a loser just makes Velvet's win pointless.

The match if you can call it that ended after Velvet pinned Angelina (JS). Giving TBP & Winter the win. Really was the point of that?! What is TNA's obsession with Jersey Shore?

Angelina & Winter will be defending the KO tag titles agaisnt Sarita & Rosita at the PPV. Why? As I have said before Velvet vs Sarita should have happened at Victory Road with the build and story it had. It would have actually made sense for it to be there but they blew it off in a meaningless 2 minute match last week. Seriously TNA short changed Velvet and Sarita big time.

The only thing I want to see come out of this match is some major advancement in TBP / Winter storyline. Because tbh it's the only thing left in TNA that interests me right now.

Also I am really getting tired of Taz ruining the enjoyment of Velvet's entrance with that stupid "Let the piegons lose" line. When did he become such a perv. Like he's channeling Jerry Lawler now. Taz on commentary annoys me greatly but that's another post.

AJ Styles vs Matt Hardy with Ric Flair
Sadly I missed most of the match. I know they are suppose to have a match at Victory Road hopefully AJ will win that one.

Ink Inc vs GenerationMe
I like that Beer Money was commentary. So after not being on TV for a month GenMe is back and lost to Ink Inc.

Sting & RVD vs Mr. Anderson & Jeff Hardy
I missed most of this one too. I saw the ending with RVD pinning Anderson.

Overall I just couldn't get into this Impact. I did like the look of the show and the crowd in Fayetteville was into it. Though I feel TNA cheating these people by so little wrestling they gave them.

Why wasn't Hernandez on the show? I understand Matt Morgan not after what happened to him last week. But they could have at least had Hernandez cut a promo talking about how he put Morgan out and talk about their match at Victory Road. One of the few matches that should be there. As for Victory Road I'm not looking forward to it. Because there aren't really any matches that interests me on the card. Plus I'm amazed by the some of people who got spots on that PPV. Bully Ray, Dreamer, GenMe, Robbie E and Rosita. Most of these people haven't done anything in a while. Rosita just debuted last month had one match and she's already getting a title shot. What?!

I just don't get TNA. I didn't want this to be too long but I have to get this off my chest.

 

[Jack-Hammer]

TNA iMPACT! - March 10, 2011

Opening Segment - The show started last night with Sting coming to the ring and gave a good, fan pleasing nostalgic promo. Hogan & Bischoff come down and do their thing and I thought it was working well because of all the history these three have from their days in WCW. However, Anderson coming out just kind of ruined the whole thing for me. Anderson's always good on the mic but he came across like a little childish bitch to me last night. If TNA is trying to make Anderson their version of Stone Cold Steve Austin, they should just stop right now. Last night, Anderson was the very opposite of Stone Cold. Jeff Hardy came out not long after that and he really should talk as little as possible. Has it become TNA policy for wrestlers to say ass as many times as they can in promos? It's so overly used in TNA that it means nothing. RVD came out, blah blah. I know this was to set things up for the main event but it just started dragging when half the locker room came out. Thumbs Down

Samoa Joe vs. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero - This was ok for what it was. The match lasted maybe 3.5 minutes and it was actually better than what I thought it'd be going in. If given some real time, these two could pull off a pretty good match I'd say. They had some good action for such a short match. Pope gets the win after hitting Joe with his chain. *1/4

Madison Rayne vs. Roxxi - Lousy match here. I know it's just for the Knockout title, but it's still a title match and should last longer than 90 seconds. Roxxi got zero reaction from the crowd, I'd say a good number of them didn't even know who she was. Madison got the win here but really it was far too short and felt completely, 100% meaningless. No Stars

Bully Ray, DeVon & Tommy Dreamer - This bored the crap out of me and it was given an absurd amount of time, time that would have been better served spread out to other matches or to at least one match. Tommy Dreamer just needs to go away and take DeVon with him. I'm not a fan of Ray in the ring so much but the guy can talk and I'd like to see if there's actually something to him outside of feuding with his tag partner. Thumbs Down


Angelina Love, Velvet Sky & Winter vs. Sarita, Rosita & Angelina - My god, this was just abysmal. Think of just about anything negative that can be attributed to a wrestling match and roll them all into a big ball and this is what you come up with. It was a poorly booked, incredibly sloppy 90 second clusterfuck. This is definitely an early Worst Match of the Year contender. No Stars

AJ Styles, Ric Flair & Matt Hardy Promo - Basic stuff from Flair and Styles mostly. They did an ok job but I just rolled my eyes as I listened to a little sample of the inane drivel that Matt Hardy has been spewing all over the internet for many months now. If Matt Hardy hadn't been given tons of title runs, pushes and chances to get over then he'd actually have some basis for his "system" argument. Like a lot of overrated hacks, Matt Hardy isn't nearly as good as he believes that he is. Hardy just came off like the whining bitch that he is. Thumbs Down

AJ Styles vs. Ric Flair & Matt Hardy - Pretty decent for the time it was given. When I heard it was a street fight, I knew Flair would be busted wide open in 2 minutes or less and, yep, it happened. There was some decent action between Hardy & Styles but I'm over Flair's schtick of flailing around like a drunken hobo. The match really was far too short, 5 minute street fights simply do not work but TNA loves them. That's why they just seem so ho-hum. *

Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me - Good solid tag match from these two with some good energy and fast paced action. Ink Inc. seems to have improved some and GenMe, while talented in the ring, have to be the least intimidating looking wrestlers in TNA history. They used this match to build up some tension between Max & Jeremy for their participation in the Ultimate X match at the ppv and the outcome of the match was never in doubt. Ink Inc. scores the clean win a little past the 4 minute mark. **

Sting & Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson - Meh, this just didn't hold my interest all that much. It lasted about 4.5 minutes and accomplished little more than burying Anderson. I don't think that Anderson has looked any weaker in TNA than he has in the past few months, including his TNA title run, and that's a shame. It's basically a handicap match until Sting makes his way down to the ring then it's pretty much over. RVD hits the frog splash on Anderson to get the win at the 4.5 minute mark. 1/2*

Overall Show - iMPACT! wasn't a great show last night but it was a little better than last week. Hogan, Bischoff, Jarrett & Angle weren't running around dominating the show from beginning to end so that's always a nice change of pace. The promo segments were kinda so so most of the time. Anderson comes across as whining child instead of a gruff, bitter ex champ. They need to stop trying to make Anderson into their version of Austin, if that's what's going on, because it's not going to work at all. Wrestling this week was still pretty subpar. Joe & Pope had a short but decent match and the tag match with Ink Inc. against GenMe, while also short, was pretty solid. The Knockout title match was meaningless, the six Knockout tag match featuring Angelina from Jersey Shore is easily the worst wrestling match I've seen in 2011 so far, the 5 minute street fight with Styles against Flair & Hardy just felt kinda weak though I think Hardy & Styles could have a solid match together and the main event was nothing special.

Grade: C-

 

[A Mod's Best Friend (aka Bitch)]

RTKC

(The Random Thoughts of Kitten Cutter)

Hello all!

I’ve been looking forward to this Impact. This had a bunch of build-up from last week's show: the end of the Kurt Angle\Jeff Jarrett feud, Sting wins the World Heavyweight Title, Jeff Hardy’s retaliation, Immortals attempting to get their heat back, and of course, we’ll find which wrestlers TNA will forget about this week! On with the show!

~ And we start with Sting! Yea, no Bischoff to start us off!

~ OK, so that’s the style of the tights. Sting DID NOT forget to tuck in his boots.

~ Jeff Hardy one of the greatest? That’s a little thick, isn’t it, Sting? Seeing as you’ve faced some of the greatest of all time in the past 20 years.

~ And there’s Bischoff with Hogan. Damn. Can this guy at least wait 30 minutes before putting himself on-screen?!

~ Sting’s reason for leaving makes a lot of sense. Seeing as the guy dealt with the entire NWO by himself 14 years ago.

~ Sting’s reason for coming back makes sense too.

~ And there’s Mr. Anderson. He’s been going the nearly heel route by whining and bitching a lot. Then again, Rob Van Dam hasn’t said shit, so there’s the opposite end of the spectrum.

~ I think if Mr. Anderson tries to be serious for once in a feud, he could go somewhere more. He’s too much of a clown to be the top guy.

~ And there’s Jeff Hardy. As much as I love a match to start a wrestling show, for once I say it makes sense. Sting had to come out and talk first.

~ And there’s Rob Van Dam. So much for not saying shit.

~ Well, RVD, if you hadn’t been busy accusing ECW of betraying you and facing Jeff’s brother, you might have your title shots early, brother.

~ Mr. Anderson and Jeff Hardy as a team again? Hmmm… I don’t need spoilers to know what’s going to happen.

~ Angelina says Jersey girls tell you before they kick your fucking ass. Wow, Jersey girls are a lot like wrestlers. That and being loud, obnoxious, and full of shit.

~ Why is Angelina doing ALL of the talking? Oh, wait, that’s ANOTHER Jersey Girl thing. (I’m dating one so I can talk shit about them)

~ I will give her credit. She looks excited to be there.

~ Velvet Sky is hot. Not scary or intimidating, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

~ Actually, I wouldn’t kick any of them out of bed. And yes, that means Winter too.

~ If you had a fight with someone, wouldn’t you rather have a psycho chick than a Barbie doll? Angelina Love’s face says it all.

~ That Angelina\Angelina Love thing is going to be annoying. From now, all references to Angelina from Jersey Shore will be Angel J.

~ TNA, I’m copyrighting this!

~ Hey, Samoa Joe!

~ And Okato! Oops, I mean Okada. Since when does Joe need a sidekick? Isn’t he a legit bad-ass by himself?

~ This is a return match for The Pope. Again, I don’t need spoilers to know who’s going to win.

~ Good idea by Pope. Now he can run away without being interrupted.

~ I don’t care how fat Samoa Joe is. I love the way he wrestles. He just looks brutal and vicious. If TNA really booked him well he could be Taz of the new decade.

~ Good win by Pope. He needed this.

~ Did I miss something? Why does Bubba Ray get two faces to feud with?

~ Hear that sound? That’s relief from a million viewers NOT seeing Jeff and Karen Jarrett doing something selfish somewhere and blatantly unfunny. I know some people liked them, but those segments were obnoxious in a bad way for the show and a waste of time. I’m excited to see wrestlers we haven’t seen in weeks appear tonight.

~ For instance, Madison Rayne, the Knockouts CHAMPION didn’t appear last week.

~ I wonder who our surprise is tonight.

~ And it’s Roxxi! This is like the Jay Lethal Invitational, only much hotter!

~ Does every woman who takes time off dye their hair brunette? First ODB then Roxxi?

~ Does a jawbreaker hurt more with a lip ring?

~ Madison Rayne needs these wins. Her title reign has been very lackluster.

~ Welcome back, Mickie James.

~ And it’s cold in Fayetteville.

~ Calling someone a “big fat bully” seems a little mild for Tommy Dreamer.

~ Nice plan with D-Von and Tommy. Bubba deserves this. Shouldn’t the end of this be at a PPV though?

~ Tommy telling D-Von he’ll go to jail? Hasn’t this team done WAY MORE heinous acts than this?

~ This is going a bit long. Bubba didn’t need to beat up the security guy.

~ You know, I actually forgot that Cookie was wrestling tonight.

~ Angel J. is wearing designer boots for the match.

~ Nice touches by Winter!

~ Velvet Sky, didn’t you learn this in high school: don’t piss off the psycho kids!

~ Is Angel J. choking or humping?

~ Well, this match is an overbooked hot mess! How is the ref NOT seeing this?!

~ At least it was short. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 TNA booking!

~ Angel J. got hit with a forearm and literally just got up without selling it.

~ She has a lot of work to do. On the other hand, her lack of ability fits right into the Knockouts!

~ Goddamn, Velvet Sky is hot!

~ Thank you, TNA, for giving me three matches (and one parking lot brawl) in the first hour. Even if two were Knockouts match and one involved a Jersey Shore girl.

~ The more I think about it, the Hardys and Ric Flair make a lot of sense together.

~ I love how A.J. Styles says he’s not taking a backseat to anyone yet he’s the only member of Fourtune without a belt and not even attempting to chase either the World Title or TV Title. Would Flair let the Horsemen have belts and he not have one?

~ If Bischoff and Russo are smart, Styles will be the marquee guy this summer.

~ I thought this was going to be a match…

~ Yeah, Matt, you had it SO bad…

~ A three-way Street Fight? Why not just call it a handicap match?

~ Oh, Flair’s bleeding again. Really, TNA, really?!

~ Wouldn’t a Twist of Hate on a chair hurt Matt’s elbow a lot?

~ Styles lost to two guys, Flair and Mat Hardy. That’s still credible.

~ RVD needs to lighten up and get over it. I don’t know who’s a bigger bitch, him or Anderson.

~ I love how Desmond Wolfe still gets an action figure and we haven’t seen him in months. How long has he been with TNA?

~ 5 matches? With a 6th for the main event? Nice.

~ It’s like the Hardys (clean cut) vs. the Hardys (crazy type), only not.

~ I like how Beer Money scouts their opponents more than usual.

~ Hooray for REAL tag team wrestling!

~ I still can’t believe Kurt Angle brought out and used an axe in the ring.

~ The Jarretts are going on a honeymoon? After all of the vacations they’ve been on?! I’d love to have their life!

~ Note to TNA: ONE segment. ONE segment. That got over Jeff Jarrett as a arrogant prick and Karen Jarrett as whiny, snobby bitch. ONE segment. That's all you need!

~ I still don’t know why TNA stuck both members of Generation Me into the Ultimate X match. Not that they can’t do it because their spots will be awesome; it’s just pointless when they haven’t done everything as a tag team yet, and there's lots of other wrestlers that can do their spots and make the match seem much more legit.

~ The Ultimate X match is the best thing TNA ever invented.

~ Victory Road has a decent line-up. I may actually order it.

~ Sting, I’m begging you, PLEASE get rid of that eyesore of a World Title!!!

~ Welcome back to heel-dom, Mr. Anderson. You’ve made the IWC very happy.

~ Who the hell is doing the ring announcing for the main event?! Did a ******ed kid with marbles in his mouth grab the mic?

~ The crowd wants Sting. So does RVD. Of course this is after he said he doesn't like or trust him.

~ That was the greatest tag ever!

~ The more I look at Rob Van Dam, the more I think how sluggish his in-ring style has gotten. He’s a long way removed from his series of matches with Jerry Lynn.

~ The Mic Check should be faster. Anderson bends his opponent one time too many.

~ I like the ending to the main event. Everything that happened made sense and the main event was still a good match.

~ Last thing: see what happens, RVD, when you play nice with others?

Overall: This was one of my favorite Impacts. 6 matches, 5 of them good to very good, lack of crappy segments and showcasing a good variety of wrestlers. Nothing really bad to say; I enjoyed watching it a lot tonight.

No offense man but no one has it in them to read through all your 'dot points' week after week. Quit while you're somewhat ahead. Maybe.

Overall Impact was quite good, the crowd adds a heap more suspense to the action at hand and i just hope TNA continues to go on the road at least two out of the four weeks they hold Impact.

And just quietly, AJ is starting to cut some awesome promo's. Anyone who thinks his time with Flair was a waste, is dead set kidding themselves.

 

[Matth3w]

What are you talking about GetReadyToFly? Speak for yourself. I for one look forward to Kitten Cutters review of iMPACT! every week; and he adds humor to his reviews moreso than anyone else here.

Keep em coming KC, for me at least

 

[Kitten Cutter]

No offense man but no one has it in them to read through all your 'dot points' week after week. Quit while you're somewhat ahead. Maybe.

So, I take it you're not a fan? Damn. Wow, you're the FIRST one to say that. I hope I can get over it and move on. *sniffle* *sniffle* Hold on, I need to wipe my eyes..............Alright, they're dry. You realize you hurts my sensitive feelings, you big meanie.

Overall Impact was quite good, the crowd adds a heap more suspense to the action at hand and i just hope TNA continues to go on the road at least two out of the four weeks they hold Impact.

And just quietly, AJ is starting to cut some awesome promo's. Anyone who thinks his time with Flair was a waste, is dead set kidding themselves.

By the way, nice review. I can discuss your creativity and insight with the other members of the forum in great detail.

Wow.

What are you talking about GetReadyToFly? Speak for yourself. I for one look forward to Kitten Cutters review of iMPACT! every week; and he adds humor to his reviews moreso than anyone else here.

Keep em coming KC, for me at least

Thank you, and don't worry; I will. I have a lot of fun doing them, I love watching TNA, and other members here actually encouraged me to keep doing them. And until a moderator actually tells me to go away then officially bans me, I may stick around for a while.

It'll be hard, though, since one person doesn't like 'dot points,' it leaves this little hole in my heart that bleeds like Ric Flair testing razors.

 

[Craig-O-Mac]

No offense man but no one has it in them to read through all your 'dot points' week after week. Quit while you're somewhat ahead. Maybe

FAIL FAIL and um, oh yeah FAIL. Kitten Cutter f'n rocks this thread every week. Infact I log on just to check his 'dot points'. KC is an enigma around these parts.

 

[GLS1412]

FAIL FAIL and um, oh yeah FAIL. Kitten Cutter f'n rocks this thread every week. Infact I log on just to check his 'dot points'. KC is an enigma around these parts.

I enjoy reading Kitten Cutter posts.

 

[3/4 Facelock]

I enjoy reading Kitten Cutter posts.

I don't. Perhaps a little more in depth analysis would make them exponentially better. Reading those posts is equivalant to listening to a hard fart on a plastic chair.

They had better make a good point about the Sting/Hardy match at the PPV or TNA might be going on the backburner on my DVR for a long time in favor of Bones. (love that show)

 

[Somewhat Large Gonzalez]

Well over an hour into Impact, and I've seen LESS THAN ONE MINUTE of wrestling.

EDIT: They just had a three-way for the TV title. All heels. Great way to keep the crowd interested, Dixie (or whoever booked this mess)! The match lasted around three minutes. Good God. This is pathetic. And what was the point of Alissa Flash making her entrance before Madison? It's supposed to be a grand return. Of course, it's just a one-off waste of Cheerleader Melissa's talent (she looked great, though).

This company is a joke. I can't believe that I tuned in.

 

[rondiesel2005]

Well over an hour into Impact, and I've seen LESS THAN ONE MINUTE of wrestling.

EDIT: They just had a three-way for the TV title. All heels. Great way to keep the crowd interested, Dixie (or whoever booked this mess)! The match lasted around three minutes. Good God. This is pathetic. And what was the point of Alissa Flash making her entrance before Madison? It's supposed to be a grand return. Of course, it's just a one-off waste of Cheerleader Melissa's talent (she looked great, though).

This company is a joke. I can't believe that I tuned in.

am not surprise because over the past months they been putting on 3 minute matches or 5 minute matches and try to have a longer main event match

 

[MB1025]

Just to let everyone know there was another match tapped during the first hour that never made it to TV. I guess they decided to save it for next week. I couldn't figure out why there was only one match and then I read the spoilers and seen they didn't air a certain match.

 

[Jack-Hammer]

TNA iMPACT! - March 17, 2011

Opening Segment - TNA iMPACT! opened the show tonight with one of those promo segments that just goes on and on forever. Sting came down carrying a new TNA World Heavyweight Championship belt and that piece of shit they've been using for the past 5 months. Sting calls out Hogan & Bischoff and they get into it for a while before Bully Ray comes out, surprisingly. Ray alters his time between basically going down on Hogan and challenging Sting for the title, which I found a little laughable personally. Everybody there was basically throwing Jeff Hardy under the bus, not that he doesn't deserve it mind you, so maybe TNA is actually going to do the smart thing and cut ties with him. Then here comes AJ Styles out with Fortune putting his two cents worth in before Anderson finally comes down and all this and that. Anderson's over the top antics at this point are just becoming silly but, aside from that, I thought it was a solid string of promos from everyone there. It definitely ran long at about 23 minutes but it set up the night's main event well so it did it's job pretty well. Thumbs Up

Madison Rayne vs. Alyssa Flash - Wow..a 15 second Knockout title match. I mean damn...there's just not really anything you can say about it. If you blinked, you pretty much missed it. Mickie James comes down afterward and Madison addresses her. Madison challenges Mickie at Lockdown and if she beats Mickie, she gets to shave her head and if Mickie wins, of course, she gets the title. This was an utter waste of time really and, in this day and age, shaving someone's head isn't a big deal, even if it's a woman. It's not 1985 and stipulation matches like this are just so far out of date that they need to be put out to pasture. N/A

The Pope Segment - This is one of the worst segments I've ever seen. The sheer stupidity of this makes anything the WWE has ever done with Hornswoggle looke positively Shakespearean. Seriously, it was that bad. Pope's out there and he's performing some "faith healing" on a "blind man" an extremely obese gal and a guy in a wheelchair. Yeah I can't really go into much detail here, it's too painful. I'm disappointed in myself for even watching it. Trust me, anyone that says this was good is NOT to be trusted and will beam you & your entire family aboard the mothership to be probed as soon as possible. Thumbs Down

The Jarretts & Kurt Angle - Several months ago when this thing really started, I was kind of excited about this particular feud but now I just want it over and done with. Jeff & Karen come out and do their thing, I have to admit that I wasn't paying all that much attention as I've reeling from a massive combo punch of boredom and nauseatingly bad programming. Angle comes out with a present that he gives to Jarrett, which happens to be a fake guitar. He takes it and smashes Jarrett over the head with it while screaming in Karen's face for a while. I guess the final match in this feud is coming at Lockdown. Thumbs Down

Gunner, Murphy vs. Rob Terry - We're about 75 minutes into the show when this match started and there'd been a total of 15 seconds of wrestling thus far. This match is for the vacated TNA Television Championship. It's like 3 maggots fighting over 1 turd. Not really much to say about the match, it lasted less than 2 minutes with neither wrestler doing anything to remotely get the crowd or anyone to care. Gunner wins the match and is the new TNA Television Champion. N/A

Matt Morgan, Angelina Love & Winter vs. Hernandez, Sarita & Rosita - This was a mixed six person tag team street fight...that lasted a total of about 80 seconds. Wow. Mostly the women fought around on the outside while Morgan & Hernandez were in the ring. Winter actually gets the win over Rosita. After the match, some guy jumps in and helps Hernandez beat down Morgan. I'm assuming this guy is going to be part of the new Mexican-America stable. N/A

AJ Styles vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray - This match started about 10:35 pm and I was pretty excited believe it or not as I thought we might get a pretty lengthy main event. The match lasted about 6 minutes only but it was a really good 6 minutes. The match did have a lot of energy with several near falls. The ending of the match was downright shitty with the double pin for RVD & Anderson. All the guys looked pretty good here but I'm still not buying Bully Ray as a legit contender for the TNA World Championship. He's ultimately come off the losing end of a feud with DeVon and lost to Tommy Dreamer at Victory Road. Pretty decent match overall but the short amount of time and the shitty ending hurt it. **1/4

AJ Styles & Bully Ray - As the match is going on, Styles & Bully Ray are battling their way up on stage. As Styles is about to hit Ray with a chair, Flair comes from behind and low blows AJ. Ray picks Styles up and hits a sitdown power bomb off the stage and onto a table below. The refs come out and check on Styles and I like that they made a big deal about this. Styles was taken out in an ambulance with Beer Money riding in the back with him. Good little drama set up and a good way to put some heat on Bully Ray. Thumbs Up

Overall Show - This had to be the worst iMPACT! of 2011 thus far. The opening promo segment was pretty decent, though it definitely ran too long. The stuff going on with The Pope was historically bad and the Jarretts & Angle just kept doing the same old thing. As far as wrestling content of iMPACT! goes, extremely weak is the best way to sum it up overall. There was a combined total of about 9.25 minutes of wrestling on iMPACT! tonight with the main event lasting about 6 minutes and 2 title matches lasting a combined total of 2 minutes. The main event match was good while it lasted and could really have been a great match if it had been given the time. It had a shitty ending to it but, overall, it was pretty good while it lasted. The Bully Ray/Styles thing was done nicely and I like how they made something of a big deal out of it. If you're going to watch anything, maybe catch the last 20 minutes of the show.

Grade: F

 

[Kenny Powers]

I am pretty disappointed this week. I was excited about the North Carolina shows the last few weeks. They weren't great but still good. I was excited tonight to see the fallout from Victory Road, but was shocked at how bad this show was tonight. I'm not exaggerating. I try to make chicken shit into chicken salad every time, but tonight I couldn't do it.

The opening segment was fine. Anderson whines a little too much to be the top face of the company. I'm not a fan of Bully Ray in the main event picture even if he is the only heel that can be. Sting, Hogan and Bischoff handled the Hardy situation okay I suppose. They didn't bury Hardy like I wanted them to, but they did address his problems in a kayfabe Immortal sort of way. I don't think Hulk Hogan made Jeff Hardy take or sell opium, but that is just me.

I couldn't believe the lovely talented Alyssa Flash came back to Impact only to be pinned before she could even make it to the ring. Taz and the fans didn't even have a chance to see or talk about Flash's return or her history in TNA.

The Pope segment was celebrity guest host, variety show bad. Santino and Hornswoggle singing Oh Susana couldn't be a worse skit. That segment got no reaction from the crowd until Joe came down. The Impact zone was actually laughing at Pope while he had a knife held up to Okada. Why does Joe need a sidekick from a shit movie again?

I liked the skits with the Jarretts and with Kurt Angle before, but now its getting old. I'm just waiting for this feud to end. The six man tag and the television title bout were so short that I had to re watch them to see what I missed. So I guess Gunner from the ambiguous tag team that no one knows which partner is which is now the TV champion? Where is Doug Williams, Jay Lethal, Magnus, or Wolfe? This belt is worthless.

I did enjoy the fatal 4 way match up and the ending with Bully Ray taking out AJ Styles. I didn't like the bullshit non finish again. Can we have one clean finish on Impact? if not for the matches then at least for the main event?
Bully Ray did step up as a heel tonight. Not crazy about him, but he is better then Rob Terry or some security guard from Immortal.

Tonight's show could have been good, but it was bad. TNA gave fans the middle finger at Victory Road, and now they are pissing in our faces. I hope this is just one bad show and the next few weeks leading up to Lockdown will be different. Despite what happens, I still want to see TNA live again when they come to my hometown. I would also like to see Lockdown live in Cincinnati.

This was the worst show of the year so far. I don't even count how long matches are, but when you are looking at the clock and see the show is over half way over and have had only 17 seconds of wrestling, its pretty bad.

 

[Big Nick Dudley]

TNA Impact- March 17th, 2011

This was not a good show. Actually, it was absolutely awful.

We went over an hour without having a real match. Seriously? I'm not one of the guys who constantly complain about a lack of wrestling, I'm really not. If the talking segments are solid, I can dig it, no doubt. However, this wasn't good, it wasn't solid. It was shit. Pure, total shit.

You need some action between talking segments. Even if it's a small amount of in-ring activitiy, it breaks the show up a bit. I watch wrestling for the soap opera AND the wrestling. There needs to be a happy medium, and TNA is getting worse and worse with this each and every week.

Bubba as a main event-level guy is somewhat interesting. He's not great in the ring, but he's got a pretty decent character going. The Bully thing is working well, and I'm interested to see where this goes. We've dealt with plenty of not-so-great wrestlers in the main event before (Hogan, Warrior, Cena, etc.), this could work. Not anywhere near the level of the guys I just mentioned, but it could be a nice change of pace.

Too much talking. Not just the number of segments, but the content as well. Anderson, once again, couldn't shut up. He's too much, all of the time. Same deal with the women, Bischoff, Hogan, all of them. Every talking segment is overbooked. I've said it before, and I stick by it-- WWE is too scripted, and TNA is definitely underscripted. There's a middle-ground, somewhere.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I'm not going to dissect every part of the show since there really isn't anything of note to dissect.

The opening segment was going ok until Anderson came down and fucked everything up with his god awful shit. Man this guy has fallen so far it isn't even funny.

9:25 of wrestling on the entire show? I am definitely not one to bash a show for not having enough wrestling but good fucking Lord that is just unacceptable.

Gunner is the new TV Champion. In other news, I farted 3 minutes ago.

The main event was a solid match. I had no gripes until of course, they just had to fuck up the finish again. Not only did they try to sell it as a double pin, but RVD didn't even have his arm on Anderson!! Anderson won!

I'm not even going to get into it anymore. It is easily the worst episode of iMPACT! this year.

 

[xGotTheEdgex]

Impact was not good this week. Sting debuting the new TNA Heavyweight Championship belt was probably the highlight of the night for me here. Overall, there wasn't no where near enough wrestling on the show. Unless I missed a match because of how short they are, I can only recall 1 match during the entire first hour of the show. That's not exactly total nonstop action...I'm a big TNA fan...mostly due to all the talent they have...but Impact was hard to watch this week. It also didn't help that they were back in the snooze fest Impact Zone. That place really hurts the product...I'd say this was the worst iMPACT! of 2011 so far. Step it up TNA. Please?

 

[Kitten Cutter]

The RTKC

(Random Thought of Kitten Cutter)

Hello all!

Today, Youtube is my guide as I'm working overtime, but the follow-up to Victory Road was important so I had to see it.

By the way, apparently I've been a point of contention. I'm proud that I'm an arguing point about my random thoughts. Here's the deal: I'm not doing in-depth analysis and play by play stuff. Jack-Hammer, Nick B, xfearbefore and others do a much better job than I do. I'm more like Bill Simmons and his running diary of games: something different to sift through Impact. Plus, how many of you have watched any show and said random things to your friends or even yourself? Well, I'm putting mine in public and I have people who like them. (Quite a few, apparently... ) If you don't...well, all right then. For instance:

Reading those posts is equivalant to listening to a hard fart on a plastic chair.

I don't know if I should be proud that such an eloquent insult was tied to my writing, or sympathic for 3\4 Facelock that he has such intimate knowledge of types of farts in types of chairs. I thought my job sucked.

I'm always up for constructive criticism, but saying "Your posts suck" won't get any reaction from me other than this: and a minor, snarky remark. You can't please everyone, and you can very easily scroll past my name. And until the moderators tell me to stop and threaten to ban me, I'm here to stay becaus I love doing it.

With all that said, here we go!

- And we start Impact with Sting, with a new World Title belt! Awesome!

- I like the look of the new belt. Very respectful.

- I think it's in Bischoff's contract that he start every single Impact unless he's on vacation.

- Hogan just threw away Jeff's old belt like trash.

- I always like Sting's promos. He is the ultimate good guy.

- Even Bischoff couldn't believe it when Hogan said Immortals had main event guys. Did Rob Terry grow some talent overnight?

- This is interesting. Bully Ray in the ring with these three?

- Bully Ray calling Sting a co-star is like Jeff Hardy calling Charlie Sheen a drug addict. Burn!

- Isn't Sting undefeated vs. Hulk Hogan?

- Um, Bully, the title is on Sting's shoulder. That's a SHOULDER. Just sayin'...

- Fourtune makes an appearance!

- Bully Ray can work a mic, boy! I'm impressed.

- Now Anderson is out. Didn't this happen last week?

- Why does Anderson always try to be funny? I may actually agree with HHH on this one, for once...

- Terrance?! Oooo...

- Bully Ray gets a shot to be #1 contender? AFTER losing to Tommy Dreamer?

- Well, at least Styles is getting a shot too.

- Why does TNA like these long-ass drawn-out promos with 10 guys in the ring?

- Rob Van Dam may be the worst friend ever. Such a dick.

- Hey, a match! With Knockouts...oh.

- Welcome back Alissa Flash!

- And Madison attacks her.

- And Madison pins her. What the hell?!

- Come on, TNA, really?!

- Hey, former TNA Knockouts, next time the phone rings and TNA is on the caller ID, don't answer!

- Mickie's trademark is her hair?

- Well, Mickie is definitely winning a title at Lockdown. Who was the last bald, female country singer you heard of?

- Oh my god, Pope, no. Please, no. This doesn't look good.

- That HAS to be a fat suit.

- Um, Kenny, Immortal didn't screw you out of the title. You lost a ladder match pretty cleanly.

- Isn't there a joke in here. "A blind guy, a paralyzed guy and a fat chick all roll into a bar..."

- Well, so much for The Pope getting a title shot.

- Didn't Brother Love try this once?

- If Pope really has powers, can't he use them to, I don't know, win a match clean?

- Spit heals the blind? I guess Pope is a mother too.

- Which creative team member thought of this? Can we find him or her and beat them senseless?

- Crippled guy is ugly too. Got a cure for that?

- An Oddities reference, Taz? Really?

- Ironic that Samoa Joe comes out after Pope couldn't heal the fat woman. I guess his dreams were shattered.

- Pope should have just used a pin to pop the fat suit.

- Oh, geez. TNA, learn a lesson from Tank Abbott and WCW: knives don't belong in professional wrestling?

- And why is Samoa Joe the guy saving random people now?

- I may be the only one, but if a Japanese guy in a mask was following me with a video camera, I'd whip his ass too. Okada had this coming.

- Why does RVD accuse EVERYBODY all the time?

- Velvet Sky really isn't a good BFF. Winter is always there for Angelina and Velvet is always yelling over and talking down to people and losing matches.

- Oh, no. Not the Jarretts.

- If I give the Jarretts money out of my pocket, will they go away?

- Why can't Kurt Angle just wrestle a match. Please?!

- If Jarrett has done everything, can't he go away?

- I notice that nearly every male wrestler has the same street clothes: black shirt and blue jeans.

- I wonder if Kurt has another axe in there.

- Jarrett got busted open by that guitar. It's not Impact if someone isn't bleeding. At least the blood is effective in this case.

- Hey, Abyss and the TV Title were mentioned!

- Is this the best decision for Bischoff to have Immortals fighting each other with all the turmoil around them?

- And why isn't Matt Hardy wrestling for the TV Title too?

- So, I see a special submission-style spectacle stimulating the spectators. (See the sarcasm...)

- Why didn't Karen call the police when Kurt nearly drowned her in cake and swung an axe at her?

- Spear! And an F-5 to boot!

- I have no idea who Gunner is, but he's young and let's give him a shot.

- Good promo by Styles. A lot of truth.

- Ric Flair got punked.

- I guess the cops aren't TNA fans.

- I didn't watch the PPV but blood spray to win a First Blood match? Ladies and gentlemen, your 2011 TNA booking!

- Creepy music for Winter. I guess Velvet owns the rights.

- Mexico is starting out small. First, TNA, a few months later, Orlando, and the USA in a few years. One Home Depot at a time.

- The match is blah.

- Winter does her Gunn Stinger style backbreaker better with smaller wrestlers like Rosita.

- Winter keeps her end of bargain well...only one loss between her and Angelina since she first appeared.

- Who's the new guy?

- Our main event, the 4th match of the night.

- I hope this match is good. This show has sucked so far.

- I think this is the first time Bully Ray has gone for a singles World Title match. Or at least attempted to be a top contender for one.

- Good match so far. Nice mix of styles.

- Bully Ray is working a great match. He's an excellent heel tonight.

- Hey, ref, might want to move the chair OUT of the ring?!

- And what the hell was that? A double pin? Really?

- And wouldn't using the chair be grounds for a DQ?

- Can't we have a decisive winner? Wasn't this already done with Angle and Hardy in October?!

- Holy shit! Intense powerbomb!

- I hope Styles isn't really hurt. He cannot take time off right now.

- The main event and ending was awesome except that once again, we don't get a clear winner. Really, TNA, really?!

- Last thing: so, how about that Sting\Jeff Hardy match on Sunday?

Overall: this night was awful. Only 4 matches, and only 1 was worth watching. Way too many promos. Way too much schtick. The Pope and his "faith healing" was God-awful and made me sad that such talent is wasted like that. If a midget came out I would have fast-forwarded through it. Honestly, of all people, Bully Ray saved a little of the night for me with his heel work.

 

[X]

TNA iMPACT! 3/17/11
March 17th, 2011
TNA Impact! Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: ???​

So we’re four days removed from one of the biggest PPV main event debacles in pro wrestling history. For those that are unaware, the main event of the Victory Road PPV was booked to be Sting vs. Jeff Hardy for the world title, which is technically what we got. A whopping 1:28 is how long is lasted, because a certain Jeff Hardy was apparently so high that he could barely stand on his own, let alone wrestle a match. He stumbled to the ring, Sting gave him the Scorpion Death Drop, and the match was over. Yes, TNA knew that Jeff was wasted out of his mind all night long, and they still let him go out there for the main event, giving their fans one of the biggest “Fuck You”s in wrestling history. This is the first show since then, so let’s see how this post-Victory Road TNA reacts to the situation they put themselves in.


Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz


We open the show with Sting coming out to the ring with a brand new TNA World title design. Glad to see they finally got rid of the awful joke of a title design that they had made for Hardy, which resembled the WWE’s Divas title if anything. Sting grabs a mic and calls out Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff, who promptly come out to answer. They come to the ring and Sting hands them Jeff’s old title belt, saying “This is all that’s left of Jeff Hardy. You can do what you want with it Hulk”. There’s a sign in the background that reads “Controversy Creates Cash”, Bischoff’s motto, which makes me want to kick that fan in the face for being such a jackass. Sting asks Hogan how it feels to destroy somebody’s career, which shit if anyone knows the answer to, it’s Hulk Hogan. Sting basically blames Jeff’s behavior on Hogan here, saying Hulk led him down a dark road that leads to a dead end. They don’t actually acknowledge the reality of what happened with Jeff, just kind of dance around it with vague statements. We get a TNA chant, and I almost implode instantly from the irony and stupidity. Hulk says Jeff let Immortal down, not the other way around, claiming Jeff just couldn’t hack it in Hogan’s shadow. Suddenly Bully Ray’s music hits and he makes his way out to the ring. Seriously, Bully fucking Ray? He grabs a mic and kisses Hogan’s ass, saying there would be no wrestling business without Hulk (*cough*bullshit*cough*). Bully says Sting could never beat Hogan, which instills me with a deep and horrifying feeling that this is all leading to Hogan vs. Sting (in 20-fucking-11). Ray says he wants to beat Sting for the World title. Wow, that’s right folks, TNA’s big answer to the Victory Road debacle is Bubba Ray Dudley in the main event. Suddenly Fortune’s music hits (new music?) and out comes AJ Styles, Kaz, and Beer Money as we take a quick commercial break. When we return AJ has a mic and says that Fortune has Sting’s back 100%. So you can basically book the Lethal Lockdown match at the next PPV right here with Fortune and Immortal, and I guess Bully Ray thrown in. AJ insults Ray, saying he can’t hack it as a singles wrestler. Ray actually has the balls to say that AJ is nothing compared to him and his 23 Tag team title reigns. Pretty sure AJ’s 4 World title reigns trumps that Ray. AJ slaps Ray in the face after he asks for a title shot again, and the word “title shot” has been said more than 3 times so of course that cues Mr. Anderson’s music and out he comes to do his weekly whining for a title shot segment. Hulk calls him an asshole. Wow, what an insult Hulk. Anderson calls Hulk “Terrence”, which I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. Bischoff yaps about ratings again and sets up a four-way number one contender’s match tonight with Anderson, AJ, Ray, and RVD. So I guess we’re just going to ignore the number one contender’s match from Victory Road where Anderson and RVD had a double countout.


Backstage Kurt Angle is carrying around a giant present for Jeff and Karen Jarrett as we cut to commercial.


When we return AJ is backstage with RVD, where he propositions RVD to do a “I watch your back”, “You watch my back” thing for the match tonight, which RVD quickly shoots down.


TNA Knockouts Title Match
Madison Rayne © vs. Alissa Flash

So we haven’t seen Alissa AKA Cheerleader Melissa AKA Raisha Saeed in many, many months so this comes right out of nowhere. Of course, Alissa being an incredibly talented wrestler that means she’ll obviously have to job to Madison in 20 seconds. Can’t have talented female wrestlers in our female wrestling division, no sir. Madison jumps Alissa before she can even make her way to the ring. Inside the ring Madison hits a few weak forearms and then hits her finisher, and that’s enough to put Alissa away at 0:18. Look at that, LESS than 20 seconds. After the match Mickie James makes the save and this sets up a title match at Lockdown, with Mickie’s hair on the line apparently. Holy shit, WE GET IT, Madison is legit, can we PLEASE just have Mickie beat her for the damn title already and end this bullshit? Normally I’m not sure I’d even rate a match this short, but considering how sad it is that someone as talented as Alissa is being jobbed out in literally 20 seconds I’m feeling nasty so let’s call this a DUD.


Backstage the Pope is with an obese woman, a blind man, and a guy in a wheelchair who gets up and dances almost immediately. I don’t even want to know man, I don’t even want to know. After a quick commercial break we return to see Mr. Anderson, yet AGAIN, bitching to Hulk Hogan about his title shot.


The Pope makes his way out to the ring, with the same three people in the ring. Pope looks pretty pimpin’ for once actually in a clean white suit. Pope does a whole pseudo-evangelical thing where he pretends to heal these people of their ailments like Jesus Christ. First he has the blind man kiss his ring, then he takes off his glasses, spits in his hands, and touches the man’s eyes, and alas! It’s a miracle! He can SEE! He tells the man to give Pope an “Amen”, and the guy says “Hallelujah” instead. Next up is the “paraplegic”. Pope just kind of touches his legs and then slaps his forehead, and the man gets up and starts dancing goofily. This is pretty bad. Next up is the obese woman, who is CLEARLY in a giant fat suit. Pope grabs two handfuls of fat while Taz makes fat jokes, but Pope can’t help her apparently. Cue Samoa Joe’s music, thank God, accompanied by Okato. Joe hits the ring and Pope grabs Okato and PULLS OUT A FUCKING KNIFE AND HOLDS IT TO HIS THROAT. Holy shit man, going a bit overboard here aren’t we? He’s literally threatening to murder Okato right here in the Impact Zone. I’m not sure if I should be laughing hysterically or shaking my head in shame. Seriously, why does your company have security guards if they do nothing for things like this? Pope throws Okato into a ditch (?), and shows that the knife was fake all along as we cut to commercial. Bad segment all around, the idea was actually quite good with Pope doing the fake-healing thing, but wow the execution was bad.


When we return from commercial Okato is strung up like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon as the Pope slaps him around, insulting him. Okada is actually a damn fine wrestler, but as usual, TNA treats whoever New Japan sends them like total fucking jobber trash. Atleast this isn’t as bad as when they treated Hiroshi Tanahashi and Shinsuke Nakamura (main event heavyweight players in Japan) like jobbers. This beatdown goes on for a painfully long time before FINALLY Joe finds them and saves Okato as Pope runs off. Elsewhere backstage RVD accuses Mr. Anderson of joining Immortal. What?


After a quick commercial break we return to see Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Winter in their locker room, all three looking damn fine. Apparently Winter has replaced Velvet as her partner tonight for the street fight against Sarita and Rosita. Angelina is torn between the two but says absolutely nothing as she walks away with Winter. I’d just like to point out that we are officially one hour into this show, and we have had a grand total of 18 seconds of wrestling. Eighteen. Seconds.


Jeff Jarrett’s music hits and he comes out to the ring with his wife Karen. Apparently Jeff wants to bury the hatchet with Kurt Angle, atleast that’s what he was claiming at Victory Road during one of their many bizarre segments at Disney World. Jeff grabs a mic and says the “Ultra-Male” has something to say. He says he has nothing left to prove and that for the good of his kids, he can no longer do this to their “second father” Kurt. He says Kurt should come out and beg for forgiveness, and of course Angle’s music hits. He makes his way down to the ring with that giant present, which I can only hope holds another axe since Kurt is so fond of those. Kurt does the whole insincere apology bit, saying Jeff is the better man, husband, and father. He claims his gift is a peace offering, and Jeff is skeptical about his sincerity. Jarrett opens the present and it’s an American flag painted guitar. Jeff has this look on his face like a kid at Christmas, but of course Angle just grabs the guitar and smashes it over Jeff’s head. Karen tries for a low-blow, but Angle is wearing a cup. Wow that guitar seemed to legit bust Jeff open as he’s bleeding pretty badly from the back of his head. Angle challenges him to a cage match at Lockdown and Jarrett accepts. Hopefully this will finally be the blow-off to this feud.


Backstage Eric Bischoff gives a pep talk to Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy, telling them to win the TV title tonight as finally Abyss has been stripped of the title, after only what 3 months of inactivity? The fact that these three scrubs are going to be in a TV title match is a joke in and of itself. After a quick commercial break we see Karen and Jeff backstage, Karen frantically calling the police on her cell phone. We get an incredibly lame little video package for the upcoming TV title threeway, I guess to somehow try and convince the viewers that these three men are credible.


TV Title Match
Rob Terry vs. Gunner vs. Murphy

So this looks like a match of the year candidate, doesn’t it? Gunner (or Murphy, I can’t tell these two yokels apart). Apparently Hulk Hogan’s wife and daughter (who are about the same age) are in the front row. Why? Hogan is a heel, is this supposed to get them heat or something? Gunner and Murphy double team Terry for a bit, but end up fighting each other for who gets to get the pinfall. Rob poses for a bit and gets speared by Gunner. Gunner gives Murphy a sloppy F5 and that’s enough for the pin and the title at 1:46. Afterwards Bischoff comes out to congratulate Gunner. In 3 months we’ve gone from AJ Styles to freaking Gunner as our TV champ. When Rob Terry is the most charismatic and personable person in the ring, you know you have a problem. Obviously a nothing match. ¼*


Backstage AJ shares a few words with the cameraman before Ric Flair confronts him and AJ quickly knocks him out with one punch. Mmmkay. After a commercial break we return to see Karen freaking out to some police officers, demanding that Kurt be arrested. Not even going to touch the logic on that one.


Six Person Street Fight Match
Hernandez/Sarita/Rosita vs. Matt Morgan/Angelina Love/Winter

And the awful Hernandez-Morgan feud continues. Atleast we have the women to gawk at. Before the match Hernandez gets on the mic and claims that the US is now Mexico America or something. Winter’s music hits, which is some really creepy lullaby sounding song and is actually pretty rad. Good god Angelina is skinny, it’s almost grotesque. Morgan comes out and all six of them begin brawling in and out of the ring. Hernandez chokes Morgan with his boot in the corner while Sarita and Rosita get pulled off the apron. Good, we really don’t need tags in a street fight. Morgan hits the discus lariat and Sarita and Rosita jump on his back to try and stop him, but he easily tosses them off. Angelina spears Sarita while Winter hits a sweet twisting backbreaker, and that’s enough to give her the pin at 1:22. Could we maybe have just one match go longer than 90 seconds? After the match the same fan who attacked Morgan at the PPV last Sunday (so I guess it was a work) hits the ring and attacks Morgan. The fan is Matt Barella by the way, a former OVW World champ. As usual, the match was absolutely nothing. ½*


TNA World Title #1 Contender’s Match
AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson

Look at that, we’ve got 20 minutes left in the show, we might actually get a main event that goes 5 minutes! One of these guys is not like the others. All four men are cautious to start until RVD and Anderson start going at it and Ray and AJ do the same. No tags in this fourway, thankfully. Ray hits what looks like a big belly-slam to AJ’s face, but Styles comes back with a hurricanrana and a flying forearm into the corner. He tries for a monkey flip but Ray just tosses him off. RVD and Ray go at it now while Styles and Anderson fight outside the ring. Rolling Thunder from RVD gets a quick two count. Styles sunset-flips into the ring on Anderson and gets a near fall of his own. Leg lariat from AJ, but he eats a big clothesline from Ray almost immediately. Sidewalk slam from Ray gets another close two count. Big superkick from RVD takes out Ray and he sends Styles over the top to the floor. Van Dam goes for the Five Star frog splash but Anderson moves at the last second, only to be met with a big yuranagi from Ray. Springboard cross-body from Styles and he gets a near fall on Ray as well. Very fast paced stuff here. Thrust-kick off the top from RVD but again Styles kicks out. AJ tries a slingshot crossbody on Ray but ends up hitting the floor instead. Ray grabs a chair but the referee takes it out of his hands and just tosses it in the ring, where Anderson gives RVD a back suplex on the chair and both men’s shoulders are down as we get a double-pin to end the match at 5:54. Oh COME ON! TNA is apparently incapable of having a number one contender’s match end in a clean finish, as this shit has just gotten ridiculous over the past few months. I can’t even remember the last number one contenders match we had that didn’t end in a bullshit Dusty finish. What’s even worse is that the match itself was actually fairly good while it lasted, far and away the best part of this entire show so far. It’s like this company is fucking allergic to clean finishes or something. **


After the match AJ and Ray brawl up the stage. Flair comes up behind Styles and gives him a low blow, giving Ray the opportunity to give him a massive sitdown powerbomb off the stage through a table! Nice spot, too bad it happened after the match. Glad to see the whole Ray-Devon feud has just been completely dropped with no conclusion whatsoever in favor of having Ray feud with AJ freaking Styles. It was bad enough watching him and Devon embarrass themselves in the ring every week, but now you’re dragging Ray into a feud with AJ Styles? Just no. After a commercial break we return to see paramedics working on AJ, putting him in a neck brace and stretchering him out. That does it for this week. No, seriously.

Bottom Line: Another week, another terrible episode of Impact. You can practically expect it like clockwork at this point. They come off of one of the biggest debacles in company history, and they give their fans THIS show? Their solution to that abortion of a PPV is putting BUBBA RAY DUDLEY in the main event title picture? You can’t even make shit this stupid up, honestly. The rest of the show was a joke, with a grand total of EIGHTEEN SECONDS of wrestling in the first hour-plus of the show. Little to no wrestling, constant promos and segments that don’t get over, and Bubba Ray Dudley in the main event. This is what we’re supposed to “Cross the Line” for? There’s nothing here I can even attempt to defend apart from a moderately amusing main event that lasted 5 minutes. You getting started on that Death of TNA book yet Bryan Alvarez? You should be. Thumbs down, obviously.


Score: 2.5/10



REMEMBER! You can find ALL of my reviews and match ratings at my blog, which is updated daily:
X's Wrestling Review​

 

[Superstar77]

Here are my thoughts on Impact 3-17-11

Sting / Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff / Bully Ray / Fortune / Mr. Anderson Promo
Sting walks out with a new world title belt which looks good actually. Then Hogan & Bischoff walk out and Sting tells them to take Jeff Hardy's custom title and Hogan just throws it. Which was funny to me for some reason.
Then Sting talks about Hardy and his problems. Then Bully Ray comes out and basically kisses Hogan's ass by saying Sting has always been jealous of Hogan blah blah blah. Then Fortune and Mr. Anderson comes out. AJ wants a title and Mr. Anderson wants a rematch. So Bischoff decides to make a Fatal 4 Way match between AJ, Bully Ray, Anderson & RVD for later in the night.

Yes he has great mic skilsl and can get heat but I just can't buy Bully Ray as a main eventer. Plus didn't he lose to Tommy Dreamer at Victory Road?

Madison Rayne vs Alissa Flash
Madison wins so Alissa Flash came back for that?! I understand TNA wants to give Madison some cred but they have let her beat Mickie James at 2 back to back PPVs. If beating one of the biggest stars in women wresting twice isn't going to give you cred nothing will. Anyway Mickie comes out and wants a rematch but Madison wants Mickie's hair for some reason. So Mickie will face Madison at Lockdown in a KO title vs hair match. OK

Basically Mickie has to win and if she doesn't I will be really shocked.

The Pope segment
First I wasn't offended by this segment but I thought it was extremely stupid. Joe and Okato come out and Pope grabs Okato and pulls a knife (really?!) on him. Then Pope reveals it wasn't a real knife. Ugh!

Then there's another backstage segment with The Pope having Okata tied up and tortures him for a few minutes before Joe makes the save. Was that really necessary?!

Angelina Love, Velvet Sky & Winter segment
Velvet is really excited to be teaming with Angelina for their street fight. But Winter then tells Velvet that Angelina will be teaming with her instead and then leave. 1st Angelina could have at least told Velvet she was teaming with Winter earlier also I don't like how they are trying to make Velvet the bad person in this angle. Velvet didn't cost them the KO tag titles she tried to help them.

I loved what Velvet said after they left "What the hell is going on here?" You can apply that to TNA as a whole lately.

Still no wrestling yet. Madison vs Alissa doesn't count.

Kurt Angle / Jarretts segment
I really hate any segment that involves Jeff & Karen Jarrett these days. Kurt comes out with a gift and pretends his burying the hatchet. It's an American guitar then Kurt hits Double J with it and says he wants a match a Lockdown and Jarrett accepts. Hopefully this feud will end there.

Rob Terry vs Gunner vs Murphy - TV Title Match
Since Abyss can't defend the title Bischoff put it up for grabs. This is sadly the 1st real match of the night and Gunner wins and is the new TV champion. There's nothing I can really say about that. Why couldn't they have just let Doug Williams keep this title?

Matt Morgan, Angelina Love & Winter vs Hernandez, Sarita & Rosita - Street Fight
The heels come 1st and Hernandez cuts a promo about them being Latin Americans and that they are taking what's theirs. So another faction playing the race card. Wonderful! (that's sarcasm)

So Angelina now has a new titantron I don't really like and I don't care for Winter's theme either. I guess Angelina will be using now since it looks like she sided with Winter over Velvet.

This really wasn't a street fight at all. Why couldn't it just be a regular mixed 6 person tag match? Anyway Winter pins Rosita for the win. Then the same guy from Victory Road jumps Matt Morgan in another beat down happens.

AJ Styles vs Bully Ray vs Mr. Anderson vs Rob Van Dam
This is the main event and it ends on a double pin after Mr. Anderson and RVD pin each other. Really TNA?! This is one of things people were pissed at you about at Victory Road not getting a real #1 contender for the world title and they pull the same thing again. What is wrong with them?!

Bully Ray knocks out the ref and him and AJ brawl. AJ gets the open hand before Ric Flair comes out and low blows AJ. I have to say that looked really disturbing how Flair did that low blow. Then Bully Ray powerbombs AJ through a table. It looks like AJ was legit hurt as well. I don't get why it took Fortune so long to get out there to help him. The show ends with AJ being put in the back of an ambulance.

Overall really bad show with I think only 7 minutes of wrestling. That is just unacceptable. I think I put more effort into my review than TNA did for this show.

 

[Clem]

I was really disappointed by this week's Impact. I was all ready to forgive and forget and analyse the show objectively, but even doing that it was a huge disappointment.

The major issue being the complete and utter lack of wrestling on a wrestling show. That first hour was just painful. At the end of every promo, I'd wonder "will they have a match now?" and every single time I was met with another damn promo. I was beginning to wonder whether Russo had done away with wrestling once and for all. I mean, it's not as though he ever liked it anyway.

For the record, Madison Rayne vs Alissa Flash doesn't count as a wrestling match. That was a beautiful, talented athlete being thrown under the bus for no reason. When TNA brought back ODB and Roxxi for their matches, they at least got a couple of minutes to put themselves over and remind people they exist, but Alissa was in and out of that ring so fast, I'm surprised she didn't have whiplash! Even worse, in clear view of the camera, she had to walk right by the woman who was intent on beating her down only seconds before. I know Mickie was in the ring goading her, but COME ON, she was RIGHT THERE. That's not even addressing the fact that the first match to follow Jeff Hardy's infamously short squash was another short squash.

Another dud for the night (a running theme perhaps) was Gunner winning the Television Title. It was Gunner, right? I literally have no idea which one is Gunner and which one is Murphy. TNA haven't even clearly defined which person is which and we're supposed to buy them as credible contenders for the Television Title? I know it's not the best title out there, but this is supposed to be giving the midcard something to fight for! Are we seriously going to see this guy defend the belt every week? I mean who'd even BOOK him? I don't care if Immortal did want a sure thing to keep the title in their ranks, there are FAR more deserving wrestlers than Gunner. For instance, whatever happened to Jay Lethal? He got a huge push last year, but I can't even remember the last time I saw him or why he's not there.

Finally, Bully Ray "injuring" AJ Styles just flat out pissed me off. I said in other threads, I can see the motivation behind it, but that doesn't mean I like it one bit. Ray is NOT a main event caliber wrestler. He's a midcard garbage brawler, always was, always will. For the life of me, I don't understand why he was in that main event, what they're thinking by pushing him that far, why they needed to sacrifice AJ Styles to do it and most importantly, why having AJ Styles off our screens for weeks to come is a good thing?

If I had to say one good thing about the show, I like the fact they've finally got a World Title that looks like a World Title. Good ridance horrible purple Divas Title.

 

[X]

TNA iMPACT! 3/24/11
March 24th, 2011
TNA Impact! Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: ???


“Do the Math”​

It's Thursday again so that means it's TNA time, or as some of my detractors would have you think, my weekly two hours of self-torture and abuse. In a way they're right, the last few Impacts have been so bad they could probably be considered torture by some third world countries. Contrary to what you may think though, I don't hate TNA. I just want the best for them long-term, and unfortunately I see nothing but warning signs and red alerts with how their current product is being booked. Anyways, enough preambling, let's get to the show.


Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Taz


We open with a video package showing Mr. Anderson's mounting annoyance at his re-match not being booked yet, with, and I kid you not, everyone's voice being fed through the Auto-Tune effect. I'm not sure if this is funny, or incredibly stupid. Probably both.


Anderson opens the show in the ring alongside who he claims is a professor at the University of Wisconsin, but is clearly just some fat guy they found at a hot dog stand and put a suit and tie on. He has a big whiteboard in the middle of the ring and goes over the scenarios surrounding the latest rash of number one contender's dusty finish matches, figuratively “doing the math” to try and prove he deserves his title rematch. The professor agrees with him, but then Anderson brings up some bullshit about how the professor cock-blocked him in college or something, I don't know, I really don't give a fuck about this imaginary sordid past with this two-bit “actor”. Anderson gives him a Mic Check for his troubles. I was hoping that would be the end of this, but of course Bischoff and Hogan's music hits and they make their way out to the ring. Bischoff says probably the truest thing I've ever heard about Anderson, saying he's a shitty comedian who's jokes aren't funny and who's rants have no direction. Which is true I'm afraid, Anderson has some sort of talent on the mic, but man, he can't cut a promo for shit 99% of the time, he just talks loud and fast and abrasively but I'm afraid that's not charisma Ken, that's just being loud. Hogan sets up our weekly number one contender's match with Anderson against Rob Van Dam. Oh, joy, because we haven't seen that 30 times in the last three months. So glad to know I can just skip on buying future PPVs with contendership matches on them because, hey, I can get them for free every week on Impact. I'm going to go out on a wild limb and predict yet another bullshit finish as well to this match tonight (shocking, I know). Anderson says RVD isn't in his league and we take a quick commercial break. When we return RVD is out in the ring to confront Anderson. They talk a lot, saying absolutely nothing in the process. Blah blah blah, number one contenders match, I want my shot, I'm an asshole, blah blah blah. RVD says he came to TNA because he was sick of the politics. I almost choked on my own tongue hearing that, how stoned is Rob right now to be able to say that with a straight face? Send some of that shit my way bro. Sting's music hits and he has a mic as well alongside his sweet new Michael Jackson-esque bedazzled jacket. Sting says “The Network” called him earlier and made him the special guest referee for the match with RVD and Anderson tonight. So Hogan and Bischoff winning the lawsuit for control of this company served what purpose again? I mean if they still have no control over the booking, what the fuck was the point of that entire angle?


Mickie James vs. Tara

Yay the womens feud that never ends. Tara makes a “Winning! Duh!” Sheen reference before the match, instilling me with a deep desire to smack the everloving shit out of her. Mickie throws her into the ring to start and hits a weak Lou Thesz press. Mickie does a kip-up, but we're all of 20 seconds into this match so I'm not sure if that's supposed to impress us or something? My, what endurance you have Ms. James! This is the unofficial battle of the best booty in TNA in my eyes, with Velvet Sky being the only girl to give these two a run for their money in that department. Tara hits a standing moonsault for a quick two count and then eats an elbow. Mickie tries a hurricanrana but Tara counters with a powerbomb for another near fall. Tara goes to the top but get's crotched and Mickie tries for a top-rope hurricanrana. They tussle for control on the turnbuckle and then Tara drops her down almost in a modified half-assed version of the Styles Clash, segueing right into a Boston Crab in the process. Mickie gets the ropes eventually and Tara tries for a powerbomb, but Mickie counters with a big DDT and that's enough for the pin at 3:18. Mickie and Tara continue to be the only watchable members of the Knockouts Division, this was light-years ahead of the usual weekly Knockouts botchfest. Give 'em a few more minutes and we may have actually had ourselves a good TV match for once out of this division. *½


Backstage Anderson accuses Sting of “stealing” his title. Holy FUCK man we GET IT. YOU WANT A TITLE SHOT. WE. FUCKING. GET. IT. Please stop ranting NONSTOP about it 24/7 on every single TNA broadcast for the love of Christ Anderson, PLEASE. Commercial break.


We recap The Pope and Okato's kinky sex games last week. Backstage Okato tells Samoa Joe something in Japanese. Because, you know, most people watching Spike TV can speak Japanese.


Pope D'Angelo Dinero vs. Okato

Now here we go, this is more like it. Simple booking to continue the Pope and Joe feud without having them interact physically, let's see if they can get this right. Okato hits a big dropkick to start and lays in some forearms and kicks into the Pope in the corner and follows it up with a big roundhouse kick. He misses a senton attempt off the top though and Pope begins choking him over the second rope. Pope lays in some stiff knee strikes while Okato is draped over the ring apron and then hits an Orton-esque punt back inside the ring. Pope takes off his boot and slams it over Okato's head right in front of the ref. Well it isn't 1986 anymore, so I guess the old boot doesn't get you disqualified these days. Pope takes off his glove and reveals some brass knucks though, and that's enough to get him DQed at 2:21. I guess that works, but it would have been better to just have Pope destroy and beat Okato clean to add some heat to his match with Joe at Lockdown. It's not like another jobbing is going to hurt Okato's career or something. Nothing match, obviously. ¼*


We get a pair of very long video packages, both of which we've already seen, highlighting Sting's return to TNA and the Angle-Jarrett feud. They air these two video packages, which we've already seen, and then cut to commercial. Seriously, that's how they use their valuable TV time. I hate when WWE does this shit and I hate when TNA does it. We don't need a highlight package for every single thing that happens on every episode ever.


When we return Hogan has a heart-to-heart talk with RVD. Hogan is coming off as the total babyface here, which, as usual, makes no sense at all. Hogan says he's 100% behind RVD and is pulling for him tonight, saying he's “his guy”. Sorry, wasn't it like 4 months ago he was sending out Abyss TO FUCKING MURDER HIM WITH A BOARD FULL OF RUSTY NAILS?! Yeah, I seem to remember that, and I'm guessing Rob does too.


Ric Flair's music hits and he comes out with Bully Ray and Matt Hardy. Yes ladies and gentlemen, quite the ELITE faction of wrestlers Flair is running with these days, isn't it? Doesn't get much better than Bubba Ray Dudley and Matt Hardy. Excuse me while I vomit out of my nose from a scary mixture of laughter, pity, and wild-eyed bemusement. Matt and Ray both call out Fortune and AJ Styles. Allow me to just take the time to point out how absolutely godawful Matt Hardy looks with dreadlocks. Nice little “AJ!” chant starts up as Ray challenges Fortune at Lockdown. Fortune comes out immediately and just attacks all three of them, beating them senseless. Flair does the ol' Flair flop but suddenly the lights go all red and out comes the returning ABYSS to the ring, where he cleans house. He's wearing what looks like an updated mask as well as some new ring gear. Abyss, Ray, Hardy, and Flair continue the beatdown while the Impact Zone stares on in apathy. After a commercial break we cut to Abyss backstage, cutting his usual “I'm a monster, RAAWWRRR” promo. I appreciate what Abyss brings to the table, but I really don't think right now was the best time to re-introduce him.


Hernandez's music hits and he comes out with Sarita, Rosita, and his new pal, the fan that interfered in the Morgan-Hernandez match at Victory Road, who KB tells me is a former OVW champion apparently. So just so I have this straight, you broke up LAX, got rid of Homicide, and sent Hernandez to AAA for a year to return as the triumphant babyface...only to bring Hernandez back to be heel muscle for another Latin American stable. Ground-breaking booking guys, really. Half their promo is in Spanish and my high-school Spanish classes can only help me so much, so excuse me for not being too thrilled with this promo. They do some cheap heat tactics, draping the American flag with a much larger Mexican flag. Who are they paying off backstage to set up this shit for them? They throw out another challenge to Morgan for another street fight (because it's not like we literally had a street fight last week or anything), and out comes Morgan alongside Brother Devon. Oh look, Devon ISN'T dead! This leads us right into our next match...


Street Fight Match
Matt Morgan/Brother Devon vs. Hernandez/Nameless Hispanic Male

I went to type in Hernandez's partners name and then I realized we still haven't been told what his name is. So we'll just call him NHM for now (nameless hispanic male). Big brawling to start off, obviously. Devon hits a sideslam on NHM for a quick two count. Tenay calls him what I think sounds like “Anarchia”, but don't quote me on that. I like NHM more so we'll stick with that. Morgan catches Hernandez in the ring and hits the fallaway slam.Sarita and Rosita try to tempt Morgan and Devon with their smoking hot latin bodies, but Velvet Sky runs out and promptly gets her ass handed to her by both of them. Err...okay? Angelina Love comes out next and walks slowly down the ramp with a drugged look on her face. Winter comes out and SCREAMS her name and Angelina turns around and walks back up the ramp like a robot. Stepford Wives all up in this bitch. That was flat out one of the strangest things I've ever seen in a wrestling match. Oh right, this is still a wrestling match (sort-of). El Nameless Hispanico hits Devon from behind with a weak forearm, and somehow that's enough to put away Devon (a man who has been put through more tables than Mae Young) at 3:40. This was actually probably the most entertaining thing tonight, just because of how bad and bizarre the whole thing was. When 90% of your 3 and a half minute long match consists of the camera focusing entirely on some women arguing on the entrance ramp, your match sucks. Really, really badly. DUD


Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Shannon Moore/Jesse Neal

So I'll be taking bets on when the Ink Inc. break up is going to happen. Can't have an over tag team that wrestles well in our tag team division, that would be lunacy. Crimson I legit thought was Petey Williams for a minute, and I almost marked so hard my face would have melted at a reunited team of the Big and Little Poppa Pump's. Steiner and Neal start us off with a lock-up. Steiner hits a few forearms and then gives Neal a nice overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Big forearm and elbow drop from Steiner, but he'd rather do some push-ups than cover Neal. Crimson tags in and hits a double-shoulderblock with Steiner. Crimson hits a nice Falcon Arrow on Neal that gets a quick two count. Moore tags in but just eats a few forearms for his troubles. Moore tries a leg lariat but Crimson just catches him in mid-air and slams him to the mat. Moore hits a moonsault off the top and looks to tag Neal, but Jesse is apparently injured. Ohhh, the seeds of dissent, you can see them being planted. Crimson hits his unique Red Alert finisher (which is some sort of swinging modified reverse STO) and that finishes off Moore at 3:05. Not bad for a 3 minute match, glad to see Crimson getting some TV time again alongside the always amusing Scott Steiner.After the match Moore tries to hit Steiner with a cheap-shot with his chain while Jesse Neal acts upset. I SO do not care about an Ink Inc. break-up. ¾*


TNA World Title Number One Contender's Match #90000001
Mr. Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam

Sting is our “special enforcer” tonight. I thought he was the ref? Guess that would be too much strain for a man Sting's age. Always a good thing to say about your company's World Champion. Let's pray this is better than their disaster of a match at Victory Road, where they seemed to be wrestling in slow-motion, botched half of their moves, and then had a bullshit finish to cap off that turd. Anderson takes the early advantage with some big right hands in the corner. RVD hits a spinkick and a standing moonsault and we get our first nearfall of the match. They totally botch RVD's Rolling Thunder spot with some ugly miscommunication as Anderson drops to the mat for the usual running-off-the-ropes spot and meets RVD's body halfway on the mat. That was just ugly. Taz tries to sell it as a counter by Anderson. Right. And Sid coming off the rop rope at Sin 2001 was another counter move Taz. Anderson tosses RVD into the corner and gets another near fall as Sting watches on looking almost as bored as I am. Anderson works a headlock for a bit and then we get our first ref bump of the match. RVD superkicks Anderson and Sting comes in to make the count, but it's only a two count. Green Bay Plunge (or whatever he calls it these days) from Anderson gets him a two count on RVD as well. Split-legged moonsault from RVD but Anderson rolls out. RVD follows him out with a slingshot splash and they brawl around ringside. Anderson tosses a chair into the ring but Sting throws it away. Anderson hits the Mic Check on RVD right into the steel post! Nice little spot there. Anderson wants Sting to count RVD out, but he won't do it. Anderson gets in Sting's face and they end up fighting, of course. Bell rings and we've got a no contest (a Dusty Finish? On Impact? Surely you jest!) at 6:39. Not a complete disaster, just the usual mediocre 5 minute match with a bullshit Dusty Finish, or as I like to call it, the TNA House Special. *


After the match referees pull apart Anderson and Sting. We get a commercial break and when we return we don't get a saying on who won the match or who the number one contender is. What a shock.

Bottom Line: Oh boy, another week, another shitty Impact. I keep waiting for this show to turn around so I can show people that I do not hate this company and will gladly give them the thumbs up when they deserve it, but they just have no interest in that I guess. The usual problems with the show here: too many promos/segments that go too long, every match was way too short, and we get our 900000000001st dusty finish to a number one contender's match in the span of six months. I tried this week to be positive, I really did. It didn't work. Thumbs Down.


Score: 3/10



REMEMBER! You can find ALL of my reviews and match ratings at my blog, which is updated daily:
X's Wrestling Review​

 

[Clem]

I thought it was an okay Impact. Nothing spectacular, but nothing horrendous.

Mickie and Tara deserve a pat on the back. Best tv match in awhile.

Also, I couldn't help but laugh my ass off at RVD's post main event interview. The way he kept taking things literally and thought the match was still to come? Hilarious. Unless that was genuine, then it's a little horrifying...