Minus a few parts here and there for the sake of time including the BP segments, the endless shots of limos, and the main event because it was awesome and I didn't need to see it again. I also have a counter on my DVR so I can keep an eye on the time, which I think will be most interesting. My conclusion: Impact was not very good.
We all got sucked into the moment and that's exactly what we were supposed to do. However, let's take a look at what actually happened last night and see how it sounds on paper.
Before the show starts, we have the card listed. Remember, most of these matches WILL NOT HAPPEN, even though we're told they'll be happening. It's like offering punch and pie and then not having any, yet hoping people will stay anyway due to being bored and having nothing else to do since they were lured in with something else. It's also called false advertising which is illegal but that's such a nasty term that we just won't use it here.
We open with Bubba talking to fans. Who is this guy? I guarantee you a TON of people have no idea who this guy is. We hear about him here a lot because he's one of Hogan's lackeys, but how many people either A, know who he is, B, listen to him, or C, care. This is a wrestling show. Either have a wrestling guy like JB or a hot chick like Christy or Val. We're told he's a big name in radio. So? So are Artie Lange and G. Gordon Liddy. I don't want to see them on a wrestling show. What do the fans want? Hot sexy wrestlers and NEW things, you know, like Hulk Hogan (his words not mine) who is approaching twenty six years since he won the world title. By a show of hands, how many of you were alive back then?
First match: Steel Asylum
Now i know a lot of us were happy this started things out. However, let's take a look here. For one thing, there are 8 people in there. that's FAR too many. Four would be great but TNA likes to do way too much. Second, you can't see SHIT. The cage blocks everything and because so much is going on, the cameras are limited anyway, but the cage makes it nearly impossible to see most of the match. As for the match itself, it runs 4 minutes. Yes, the X-Division got ten minutes for a segment. The match itself got about 4 of those while the rest were entrances and the shock, which we'll get to momentarily. The ending you ask? A no contest, or a DQ without saying it because a DQ can't happen in a cage match right? Anything goes in a cage match right? We couldn't have a match end because of a weapon being used in a cage match right? Yeah that couldn't happen. Only an IDIOT would call a match because of a weapons shot in a cage match.
Rating: D. For all the reasons listed above, not only was this stupid and overdone, but DAMN man, they managed to piss off the insanely hot audience inside of 15 minutes. Not fucking bad.
Now we get to the SHOCKING, COMPLETELY UNPLANNED debut of Jeff Hardy. It was so SHOCKING AND COMPLETELY UNPLANNED that he had his own music. I’ll give them this: this was huge. Vince now looks like an idiot for plugging that DVD for a month and now Jeff is with the competition. That’s not good.
Commercial #1
Jeff is in the back and meets with Shannon Moore. The same Shannon Moore that has bounced back and forth between the two companies more than anyone else without actually doing anything of note.
Hogan, the booker/boss, isn’t here yet. That’s just stupid.
Nash talks about Hogan with a smoking hot Christy. Now why couldn’t we see her earlier instead of Bubba? That would make too much sense I guess, because who wants to see a gorgeous Playboy centerfold who is a former wrestler in an incredibly revealing outfit when we can see a big name from radio that most of us have never listened to?
Women’s title: ODB vs. Tara
We’re told none of the history here or that ODB won the tournament or anything like that. This is supposed to be a rebirth of TNA, yet we’re not told anything about WHY we should care. If you’re trying to get the new audience, then go after the new audience. Don’t just throw stuff out there, even the too hot to be human Tara with her kick ass theme song, and expect the people to just buy it. We need reasons to be interested in these characters. WWE has done a horrible job with their women of just telling us they’re interesting without explaining WHY they’re interesting. That’s just bad all around. Again, this is three minutes with the title changing hands. Oh and we get the stupid jump to the empty arena shot in case Tara’s ass shows. Alcohol drinking: fine. People looking stoned off their ass: fine. ODB slapping her vagina: fine. Two second of ass cleveage: GET IT OFF THE AIR NOW!!!
Rating: N/A. It’s another three minute match. We’re thirty minutes into the show and we’ve had 4 minutes of intros, 4 of commercials, 2 of promos, 2 of a guy trying to climb a cage, 2 of Jeff doing nothing of note, other mindless stuff, and 6 of wrestling. In other words, it’s 20% wrestling. For a show called Total Nonstop Action, that’s a bad sign.
Flair is here. Shocking, yes. Important, nope. We’ll see why later. Actually we won’t see why but whatever.
Commercial #2
More talking to fans, this time with Christy, meaning that Bubba was, say it with me, COMPLETELY POINTLESS. Foley shows up, making him character with power #2 on the show.
Bobby Lashley and his wife come out to talk. They talk for three minutes. What do they say? They want to leave. They came here and talked, to say they don’t want to be here. To break that down even further, they came here to say they don’t want to be here. Do you see why my head hurts already? Also, Kristal is really weak at insulting fans. She makes Vickie look good at it.
Commercial #3
Hogan is still on his way.
Commercial #4
Hall and X-Pac can’t get in. Hogan is still on his way.
Commercial #5
The limos are here and one person gets out of one and gets into another. Who was it? What does it signify? We’re never told, but why would we need to be told something like that? It’s not like this is interesting or anything like that.
Hall and X-Pac get in anyway, showing the brilliance of the TNA security. Points to the stoned/drunk Hall for his Prince Justice Brotherhood shirt.
Commercial #6
In case you were wondering, two minutes later and Hall and X-Pac are STILL here.
Commercial #7
Hogan FINALLY is here. Note, Raw is starting right about now. He says exactly what you would expect him to say: TNA will be #1, it’s a new beginning, everyone get ready, etc. Hall and X-Pac get in the ring and talk about how the band is back together, Hogan says it’s time to grow up. This kills me with laughter but whatever. Note: Bret Hart is in the ring on Raw at this time and is calling out Shawn Michaels in a much more interesting segment. The problem here is that Hogan, Hall, X-Pac and Nash who eventually come down and talk about the old days and the code and the gang etc. One problem: THEY NEVER SAY WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT. It’s nothing but vague references and mentions to incidents without saying what those were. This is fine for people like us that get what they’re talking about, but remember that this is the NEW ERA of TNA. They’re supposed to be getting new fans. What about people that started watching wrestling in 2000 or after? What about people that have only heard little references to the NWO on WWE television? What about fans that think they mean the WWE NWO? That’s the problem with these angles about the past: a TON of fans are going to be lost. It’s great for people like us, but we make up a tiny fraction of the viewing audiences, even for a company like TNA. Also, TNA’s new era is being centered around an angle that happened over ten years ago. Anyone else see the problem there?
Bischoff comes out as another surprise, which is yet another guy that while awesome hasn’t been on television other than a popup appearance here or there in over four years, confusing even more new fans. He rips up the format sheet and says that the rest of the card has been changed. We’ll ignore how completely and utterly stupid that is for now and move on to the fact that this is their clever way of changing the announced card and avoiding false advertising. That’s just cheap, plain and simple. They announced a bunch of cool matches at the opening of the show, but now they’re changing the whole thing. What if someone watched the show just for those matches? FUCK THEM. That’s what so much of this show has been: fuck the new fans, we want the old ones and that’s about it.
Sting is watching, which while intriguing, is even more pointless. Why in the world would you use Sting, a guy on the final legs of his career, in an angle with Hogan and Bischoff instead of having him put over young guys? Of the six guys in that segment (Bischoff, Hogan, Hall, Nash, X-Pac, Sting), the youngest is X-Pac at 37. All others are over 50 and all but one are referencing an angle that has been over for at the bare minimum seven and a half years but in reality over ten. Yep, some new era if I’ve ever seen one.
Commercial #8
Sting is still watching.
Women’s Tag Titles: Sarita/Taylor Wilde vs. Kong/Hamada
Hamada is hot actually, as are the champions. Note: as the bell rings, we’re 80 minutes into this show and have had 6 minutes of wrestling. That comes out to 3/40 of the show, or .075 percent. They announce Angle vs. Styles for the PPV. Not happening either apparently but whatever. We hear that the Motor City Machine Guns have been attacked. After three minutes of wrestling we segue into this.
Commercial #9
We come back for three more minutes with a good deal of botches and slipups before the pin and the meaningless title change as these belts simply aren’t needed, doubling the actual amount of wrestling that we’ve seen giving us 12 minutes of wrestling that we’ve seen in 90 minutes of programming, good for 12/90, or a whopping 13% of the airtime!
Rating: C-. It was good but that’s it. This was far from the masterpiece that everyone said that it was. Why did the heels get a title shot? You don’t need to know. How did the faces get the belts? Don’t need to know that either. Why should I care about this match? See other two questions for answer. Seriously, I don’t need a novel to tell me what’s going on here, but give me SOMETHING. The fans might be impressed, but if you don’t know who these people are, you’re likely not going to be enthralled by fairly sloppy wrestling to stay with it. These belts need to go. Damn Hamada really is hot.
More strip poker, the second segment of it, but Val Venis, aka the guy in the towel, shows up. Again, a cool thing for older fans, but a lot of people aren’t going to know him. Also, anyone find it odd that the first thing he does is take a shower? That just came off as odd to me.
Commercial #10
Mick Foley can’t get in but he wants to talk to Hogan. Screw the fact that he owns stock in the company. Owning the company means nothing anymore. The Nasty Boys are here. They get thrown out but whatever.
Matt Morgan/Hernandez vs. Raven/Stevie Richards
Rating: N/A. It’s a minute and a half match as Morgan kicks Richards for the pin. I’ll call it two minutes just to be nice and I rounded down on the women’s tag title match. This was a #1 contenders match actually and it’s announced that Flair is with Styles. Not that we get to see that or anything because why would we want to see that?
And now we go to the Pope for no apparent reason. ORLANDO FREAKING JORDAN interrupts Slick 2.0 from his meaningless promo and yet no one cares again.
D’angelo Dinero vs. Desmond Wolfe
In another three minute match, the character beats the wrestler, which is again stupid as Wolfe’s credibility takes a hit that isn’t needed to push a character who doesn’t have a character. I hate this show.
Rating: N/A. Can we get a freaking match go 7 minutes? Is it that hard? The Slammys did this and were called crap. TNA does it and it’s called genius. Yeah TNA fans aren’t biased at all.
Commercial #11
Jeff Jarrett is here.
Commercial #12
Rhyno is attacked. JB is run off so that Bubba the Love Sponge can say that he’s Bubba the Love Sponge.
We waste two minutes showing clips of Hogan and company from earlier in the night.
Jarrett is coming to the ring.
Commercial #13
AJ is in the back and Bischoff shows up, saying the Genesis PPV match, the can’t miss PPV main event, is TONIGHT on free TV instead of on PPV where they could, you know, make money on it. That’s not like the mega mistake they made with Goldberg and Hogan in 98 at all. Nope not at all.
Two hours in, 18 minutes of wrestling, good for 18/120, or 15%.
Jarrett comes to the ring to his sweet My World music. The fans are cheering the hell out of him and he cuts an emotional speech, clearly establishing himself as a big face. He’s authority figure #4 if you’re paying attention. (Foley who owns a bunch of stock, Hogan who books, Bischoff who has the authority to tear up a run sheet and redo it, and Jarrett who owns part of the company) We see a shot of Dixie Carter in the crowd, giving us authority figure #5. Jarrett has the fans loving him and praising TNA to no end, acting just like a face boss character should. He says that he’s wanted Hogan here for years. To make this clear: Jeff Jarrett has been here since the beginning, he’s fought to build this company, he loves TNA, and the fans are into him. Jeff Jarrett is a face character here, plain and simple.
So what do they do? They have Hogan show up to completely steal the spotlight and make HIMSELF the face. He runs down Jarrett but talks like a face anyway. See, this is the problem: Hogan has done NOTHING in TNA. He’s been there two hours but he’s making himself the savior of the company and throwing aside guys like Jarrett who have the authority and the history here and is clearly still loved by the fans. As NSL and I have both said, we were worried about this happening: Hogan shoving aside characters that are both established and over in favor of himself. The expression of if it ain’t broke don’t fix it could never work better. Jarrett is a clearly over character that is popular and has the reasons to be. He made TNA and deserves a big part of the spotlight and a lot of the credit. Yes, for a long time he hogged the spotlight and the company itself, mainly the title, but since then he’s been barely on TV and has been a minor character for the most part, never being involved in the main event and having good solid matches with guys like Angle. He’s stayed out of the way and has been nothing but a positive for TNA. Now, is Hogan a bigger deal? Absolutely. Should Hogan be pushed above Jarrett? Absolutely. Should Hogan crush Jarrett on the way there? Not in a million years. That is complete and utter bullshit but he can get away with it anyway which is just garbage. I don’t like Jarrett at all really but this isn’t right at all. You can’t crush say Dixie Carter, who has been on TV all of an hour since she got there, but you can crush Jarrett who gets in front of the camera and built this company up? I’m sorry, but that’s just unacceptable to me. Hogan said Dixie saved the company from Jarrett. I’d say that’s bullshit, but here’s the thing: without Jarrett, there is no TNA, period and end of story. Also, people are going to care about Jarrett A LOT more than Carter, but hey, Hogan can’t be wrong right?
Daniels tries to say something but JB interrupts to stop Foley from coming in, which he fails at. Even more reason for Bubba to take his job I guess.
Commercial #14
Jeff is painting and he and Moore say that Hogan wants to talk to him. Thanks for that.
Beer Money has been attacked too.
Samoa Joe vs. Abyss
Joe is a face now? Sting is still here by the way. He’s not doing anything, but he’s still here damn it! Abyss loses to the choke in five minutes. Yeah he’s a MONSTER damn it. Another five minutes.
Rating: C. Average. That’s what this was to a T, or A in this case. This could have been on any house show and it would have been the exact same thing. There was nothing special at all here for me and I don’t know of anyone that would think otherwise. It’s ok, but that’s just it: it’s just ok.
23/140 now, or 16%.
Kristal wants to talk to Hogan. Bischoff still has his spot as Authority figure #3.
Commercial #15
Jeff and Shannon are “mobbed” by 3 fourteen year old girls. I guess they’ll be the new Rock N Roll Express or something.
The Nastys trash Team 3D’s locker room. Nastys segments: 3, AJ segments: 1. That should tell you a lot.
TNA World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
This match was awesome and went 22 minutes. That’s all you need to know. Oh and commercial #16 is in there. Oh and Flair comes out. Doesn’t say anything, but he’s there and will get a huge check for doing nothing at all. To be fair though, he truly was a big shock and is still a major draw. Keep in mind though, less than a year ago, people were BEGGING for him to be thrown off the air, and that’s when he was interacting with a young guy in Orton.
Rating: A-. Great match, don’t need to explain why.
The not-NWO have been beating people up and do the same to Foley. So in other words, they’re doing the same thing that they did in 1996 but Hall is fat now, Hogan doesn’t wrestle (ok so that’s the same as it was 14 years ago), Nash only talks, and X-Pac hasn’t been seen on TV in forever. Our show ends with Hogan being confused.
Overall Rating: D+. This show was just not that good. It was a GREAT first hour and then the show just falls apart. Let’s see. We finish up with SIXTEEN COMMERCIALS totaling over half an hour which we’ll call 30 minutes to be VERY nice, plus 45 minutes of in ring wrestling. That leaves us with an hour and 45 minutes of intros, promos and just random talking. Yes, Impact put on a three hour show, with over HALF being promos or talking. Think about that. There is one match that goes over seven minutes, which is the awesome main event. Hogan crushes Jarrett, who was still over, and we get nearly 40 minutes dedicated to Hall, Nash, and X-Pac. The Nasty Boys have 3 segments and Bubba does nothing at all other than say his name. Yes, this is the NEW TNA!
Now look, I loved this show last night on a first viewing, but this is like a Slyfox post: it looks great at first, but one you actually break it down and look at it, there’s nothing substantial there. It’s simply the same things that have been said before but adjusted to look better (not a knock on Sly as it’s incredibly effective). The thing is though, there is zero substance here. Everything was just about being flashy. The problem is that TNA blew everything into this one show. Hardy and Flair are huge deals, but that’s all they’ve got. There is nothing left for them to throw out there and if this doesn’t work, they’re in real trouble. They’re never going to be able to compete with Vince if last night wasn’t huge because that’s all they’ve got and the rest of the company was pushed aside. AJ vs. Angle was great, but it was more or less an afterthought. It was thrown out mid show (great job of advertising that one guys. It’s not like anyone would want to see a guaranteed classic, or even better PAY to see it which a ton of people would). This show was great on a first viewing, but since it’s reairing on Thursday, they could be in trouble. I watched it again and it fell apart faster than Tiger Woods’ marriage. This wasn’t a great show and it wasn’t even relatively good. Hogan has turned the place upside down and all of the talent is trying to hold on while guys like the Nastys, who will be back, and Bubba, who is an idiot, try to stomp on their fingers. Great surprises, BAD overall show. It’ll keep people for a few weeks, but if they don’t start giving us something solid to fall back on, this is going to go downhill very fast.
I guess in all my marking out last night I didnt realize TNA buried their great talent they already had besides Styles and The Pope, That makes me look at the show a little diff but still I enjoyed it, but that is a great point
They had wrestlers that happened to have hooters which are 2 of my favorite things. I flipped back and forth so some things were missed. When Hogan and the Band were doing their in-ring I kept hoping Fat Hall would fall on and flatten XPac aka sean aka XUglychickporker. Just not my favorite wrestler. I am very hopeful that most of the "new" old people NEVER wrestle and most are on very short, if any, contracts. Hogan should stick to being the boss(whatever he is) and stay out of the ring. I see a lot of potential so please, please, PLEASE, don't beat a dead horse 
. I don't mind them being mentors, enforcers, thugs in the back, managers, comedy for a break or whatever but keep nasty boys, flair, hall, eric, and Val out of the ring. As previously posted by others decent match from aj & angle but what use are finishers? WWE was not real impressive but Brett is a HUGE draw. I am curious as to all the hate for hornswoggle. Kinda breaks up the monotony of half a DX and he has actually made me laugh a couple of times. As to my name, yes I have been a wrestling fan for 40 years, my first wrestling idol was the Crusher cause he supposedly trained by running with a keg til it was empty. You youngsters thought austin was original lol.
