This is the first time I’ve reviewed an episode of Impact in a long while. I guess this is the first time in which I saw an episode of Impact that almost completely sucked.
All through the show, TNA kept showing and playing up the whole Jeff Jarrett/Mick Foley angle as part of Hulk Hogan coming to TNA. Personally, I don’t miss Jeff Jarrett, I don’t really have any strong desire to see some feud where it’s Jarrett/Foley vs. Carter/Hogan for control and for the soul of TNA. They finally showed Foley and Jarrett talking in a bar with Jarrett look as though he’s been living in a boxcar for about 3 or 4 months. It’s got dull written all over it. At any rate, it's announced that Jarrett will be back on Impact next week so that should make some people happy.
So Kevin Nash was in charge of Impact tonight. I swear, there were times during this episode in which I had WCW flashbacks. The first match out is a 3 on 1 handicap match between The British Invasion and Chris Sabin. The BI lost cleanly in this match and I can’t help but wonder if TNA’s purpose was to show, yet again, how awful Rob Terry is in the ring and to display the reigning TNA World Tag Team Champions as a couple of lame duck punks in the middle of a do nothing run. If that was the point, then mission accomplished.
Up next is a mixed tag match between Bobby & Kristal Lashley against Scott Steiner and Awesome Kong. The match in and of itself was shit, although it was really supposed to be. It was just a little something to build up for the Last Man Standing Match between the two at Final Resolution. Steiner getting the pin on Kristal was great, the whole push up thing on top of her was classic. While I don’t necessarily care about this feud at all, it was just a cool spot to see if nothing else.
Eric Young went up against Hamada for the TNA Global Championship. Yeah, the Global/Legends title is pretty much officially a prop at this point. This is Young’s second match defending the strap and he’s defending it against a woman. Eric Young spent almost the entire match getting the shit kicked out of him and had to cheat to win. On one hand, it builds up good heat. On the other, it made Young look weak as shit. We all know that TNA isn’t going to have a woman carry this prop so this match is a total waste of time and a fiasco. I know it’s supposed to fit into the whole thing about Young not defending the belt against an American and all that, but the whole anti-American schtick is out the window anyhow seeing as how Young and Kevin Nash are bosom buddies.
So up next is the Trailer Park Throwdown between ODB and Tara. I just…yeah I dunno. I mean, it was…well it was on the show I guess. Basically, both women were supposed to come into the match after having ingested a large amount of booze prior. It just…well…yeah, it kinda sucked. The whole match in and of itself just had a cartoonish feel about it from the moment Nash announced it. But, I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt. The most solid action of the match is when ODB and Tara used the trash can lid on one another. It didn’t make me care about the fued they’re in or the match they have at Final Resolution.
So up next is Team 3D, Rhino and Jesse Neal take on Matt Morgan, Suicide and Hernandez in an 7 man tag match. It was going to be an 8 man tag but Dinero was taken out earlier by members of the opposing team. Whoever gets pinned in this match has to wrestle in the 8 man tag match against all members of the opposing team for 5 minutes. Who gives a shit? You know that the wrestler that loses, which turns out to be Hernandez in this case, isn’t going to get pinned in those 5 minutes, so why bother putting on this match tonight? For the most part, it’s the same match we’ll probably wind up with at Final Resolution. The only difference will be that D’Angelo Dinero will be involved. Jesse Neal got the pinfall by beating Hernandez with a spear. It just kinda made me roll my eyes really. I know TNA is trying to get this guy over a little, but I’m just not buying into him.
TNA showed a little video package of Tyson Tomko working out so whatever.
The mud wrestling match between Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Sky was…well what it was. The two came out in their robes looking quite delectable. The match was what it was…two hot chicks rolling around in a pool of mud. Velvet looked hot in a pair of booty shorts and a very short tank top, Lacey was in a tube top and a pair of daisy dukes. The match wasn’t considered to be anything serious and just showed how hot the BP are. I guarantee this is the most watched part of tonight’s show. Once again though, this is the kind of cartoonish type of match that people on here have loved to give the WWE grief about over the years.
Lauren does a little interview with Jay Lethal, announcing another Black Machismo Open Invitational match for next week. I hate this idea, I hated it from the beginning. All that’s going to happen is some older guy that probably isn’t all that much of a wrestling “legend” is going to come onto the show and Lethal is going to job out to him.
Last for the evening is a TNA World Heavyweight Championship match in which the challenger is someone that’s participated in a little auction held by Kevin Nash. It turns out that the challenger is Desmond Wolfe. I like the idea of putting Wolfe in the scene, but it’d be nice if the guy had actually won a single match in TNA before getting a shot at the title. Kurt Angle was out commentating with Tenay and Taz during the match, so some interference is pretty much mandatory. Surprisingly, it was Daniels that came out and interfered in the match. The match between these two was ok, although I think it had the potential to be great and a great match could be held between these two in the future. However, having Wolfe job again just kinda…ehhh I dunno. I think he needs to come off of Final Resolution with a win over Kurt Angle or I just don’t see how his stock can remain high.
Overall, tonight was the weakest Impact I’ve seen in a long time. Once again, TNA in and of itself did a pretty good job of putting Hulk Hogan over but, surprisingly, TNA didn’t really do much on the live show Jan 4 against Raw. I figured that Tenay and Taz would have talked about that at least once during each segment but they didn’t. During the commercials, I didn’t see anything regarding the show. You’d figure that Spike would advertise the hell out of that episode of Impact but, it just didn’t happen. But, back to the show in and of itself. I noticed that, for the third week in a role, Amazing Red and the X-Division title was nowhere to be seen. And still, the X-Division continues to falter with what is turning out to be another forgettable champion. There were some corny matches put on the card that really nobody came out of looking good or particularly interesting. It didn’t make salivate with anticipation to see what happens at Final Resolution. The only two matches I have any interest whatsoever in seeing are the Angle/Wolfe and Styles/Daniels matches. Considering that TNA is going up against the WWE in a live, head to head broadcast in less than a month, I figured that they’d want to put on as strong of shows as they can to just really show what they’ve got. Tonight was a big disappointment and pretty much a waste of two hours.
On further thought, it wouldn't really work even if Lethal did win. Legends, regardless of what they were in their day, are treated as faces by the audience, Anvil got the best reaction of the night. A legend killer gimmick can work with a heel like Orton, but Lethal was getting booed because Anvil was so over.
