TheOneBigWill's 'take' on Monday Night Raw: January 12th, 2009:
Opening Segment: Stephanie McMahon comes out and announces that her Father will be at Raw, live next Monday night. She seems excited to see her Father return, but everything gets suddenly interrupted by the guy who originally broke the news to her about it in the first place, as Chris Jericho comes out.
Jericho says that Stephanie is nothing but a hypocrite and scared of her Father's return, because it'll mark the end of her days of running the show. She basically boils it down to that all happening next week, but for tonight, she's still in charge. She tries to put Jericho in a match, but Jericho refuses and says until he's given another title shot, he isn't competing against anyone.
Stephanie then says not only will Jericho not get another World Heavyweight title shot, not only will he not be competing in the Royal Rumble, but he also won't even get the opportunity to talk with Mr. McMahon next Monday night, because as of this moment.. Stephanie McMahon has officially
FIRED Chris Jericho!!!
The Matches:
1. The Miz v. Rey Mysterio: This is your typical opening match. Mysterio hits a couple regular high-flying moves. Miz controls a small portion of the match. In the end, it's Mysterio hitting the 619 and picking up the meaningless victory.
The interesting (I say that with a yawn) part of the match was the interaction after it was over. Mike Knox, once again, hits the ring and attacks Mysterio from behind. Knox seems to have the upper hand, like he's always had, but Mysterio finally fights back and gets the upper hand, causing Knox to retreat.
2. Intercontinental Championship: William Regal (c) v. C.M. Punk: Very short match with a somewhat predictable outcome. Punk and Regal evenly controlled this match, but in the end it was Regal winning via DQ after Punk hit Regal, in the lower mid-section/groin.
The official couldn't see properly, but felt it was the groin. Punk tried pleading his case, and Regal did his part to just play along with pretending that it truly was in the groin.
3. Kane v. Randy Orton: In the "Who forgot the storyline" match of the night, we get a match that's taking place because of a female.. a female, who's NOWHERE to be found anywhere near this contest. She didn't attempt saving Orton, nor did she side with Kane.. she simply wasn't there, at all. So either the storyline is over, or someone allowed a T.N.A. writer to have their way with this one.
The match itself was crap, and the other underlining story was when and where Manu and Snuka were going to strike, as Cody was pacing like a caged animal outside the ring the entire match. In the end, we get another "WTF" moment, as Orton hits a dropkick on Kane, as he's coming off the top ropes. Kane gets pinned for a 3-count, but his shoulder clearly comes up and the official just apparently realized the match sucked so bad.. he just gave Orton the victory.
After the match, Manu and Snuka came out. They toward Cody he'd have to decide and said they weren't coming alone. Out comes Ted DiBiase Jr.. the trio make their way to the ring, and surround Orton. Orton then realizes Cody is covering the 4th side of the ring, as all of the younger stars enter and surround Orton.
In what would typically be called a shocking moment, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes attack Manu and Sim Snuka, helping Orton instead of siding away from him. Thus, it looks like the group of Legacy will be Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr.
4. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall v. Kelly Kelly & Melina: Raw sucked badly for matches tonight, and this one didn't even happen. Beth & Jillian were already IN the ring, then we cut to commercial. When we come back, we get Kelly's intro, then Melina's.. and before anything else could even happen, the Beth Phoenix fan jumps Melina. After the stalker gets carted off, Beth and Jillian attack Kelly & Melina. Then pretty much randomly leave.
Promos/Segments:
Punk/Candice: Candice is showing the world how badly her facial reconstruction is deteriorating, while also trying to score some type of pity date with Punk, who's trying desperately to claim he didn't hear a word she said, and claimed it was due to listening to music and preparing for his match.
Cody Rhodes/Manu/Sim Snuka: Mickie James is rambling to Cody Rhodes about the snow outside, and the possibility of being stuck. (another possible pity date set-up) while Rhodes gets interrupted by Snuka and Manu, who tell him he has to make the choice of either them or Orton.. and they also mention another Superstar, like them, will be coming with them to attack Orton. (wow, I wonder who that could be.
)
Regal/Stephanie McMahon: Regal, still for some reason trying to play off being hit in the nuts, is told by Stephanie that he'll once again have to defend his Championship against C.M. Punk, in a No DQ match.
Steve Austin Inducted into the Hall of Fame: It's announced that the first inductee into this year's Hall of Fame, will be none other than Texas' own, Stone Cold Steve Austin. A fairly nice video package is shown.
J.B.L./Shawn Michaels: J.B.L. and H.B.K. had a segment to kick the show off, and this was basically nothing more than a repeat of the same thing. J.B.L. said that this is H.B.K.'s Wrestlemania, because he won't be going to the Rumble, or Mania, he's J.B.L.'s employee and his only focus should be on helping his boss. H.B.K. says that if tonight is his Mania, then he can do it alone.
Cena: Grisham randomly finds himself being a backstage announcer again, dispite being a Slammy Award Winning announcer on E.C.W. Hmm.. they hype the Rumble, and Cena says that it's going to be tough and dangerous because J.B.L. has gone out and bought himself, the best.
Legacy: Orton said that he kicked DiBiase in the head, to kick some sense into him. DiBiase said the past is where it is, and the future is the Rumble, in which all of them are apparently in.. yet only one could win.
Random Jobbers: A camera shows a handful of Superstars all lined up outside of Stephanie McMahon's office, likely waiting to get in on some early Hall of Fame/crotch inductions.
I kid, I kid. They wanted Rumble spots. Goldust, Cryme Tyme, Jamie Noble & Dolph Ziggler are all waiting, but it's Santino Marella who walks out with the apparent "final" spot.
Main Event: John Cena v. Shawn Michaels (w/ J.B.L.): Just like every other Cena/H.B.K. match, this one didn't fail to disappoint, albeit it wasn't anywhere near their Mania encounter, or their post-Mania (1-hour) encounter. The match went back and forth, and ended in a rush with finishers being used and kicked out of. In the end, it was H.B.K. seemingly getting help from J.B.L., and landing the Superkick to pick up the victory. After the match, H.B.K. instantly went to the back, while J.B.L. stood over Cena to end the show.
Overall Thoughts: The reason I didn't add a lot into each little segment, or match, is because I'm going to start giving my thoughts in this part of my reviews. So here goes.
I think tonight's Raw was complete shit. From beginning to end, they didn't have one match (outside of the Main Event) that had both meaning and a worth wile' finish. They had a diva's match that didn't take place, and two weirdly ending matches that didn't truly connect to anything.
To start with the top of the show, I'm beginning to hate "You're Fired" storylines. Obviously Chris Jericho isn't really fired, and if he is, I fully expect him to replace Christian in T.N.A. But yet, he's not, so it's pointless to even assume. My only true question is, what is Chris Jericho? Face, Heel, Tweener? What is Stephanie?! And most importantly.. when Mr. McMahon returns, will they continue the storyline of him almost being killed.. again?! A lot of questions are popping up, and chances are some won't even be remotely close to being answered.
Why the fuck is William Regal being forced to defend his Championship, again, this time when he technically won the match instead of lost? I figured Regal would lose via countout, and thus a No DQ/countout match would be set-up.. instead, it was the other way around and Punk ends up weirdly DQ'd.. so his reward.. ANOTHER fucking title shot.. why? How does he earn that right? Stupid storyline, and a complete dropping of the ball in my opinion. Way to further fuck Punk over.
Last week, did they NOT say Rosa Mendez was perminately barred from all W.W.E. events? Is security for their company so fucking horrible, that they can't figure out she's wearing a damn hat?! Seriously.. it's time to let Mendez either become a wrestler (like that'll get over well, cause it worked incredibly well for Tori and Santino) or just dump her completely. Enough is enough.
I'm happy and thrilled all in one to see Ted DiBiase back. I'm even more happy to see not one, but two solid tag teams have been formed. Manu & Snuka should make a worthy tag team.. granted, I doubt they'll win much, but still. Meanwhile, Legacy consisting of Orton, DiBiase & Rhodes should become a great mini-faction.
I'm happy for Steve Austin that he's being inducted into the Hall of Fame. He deserves it. My only issue is, he doesn't truly deserve it this soon, and the only reason it's happening is because Wrestlemania is in Texas. If it were in New York, then Austin might not be in this year.
While I'm semi-happy to learn Santino will job in the Royal Rumble, is there even a solid purpose to this mini-segment? I mean, will Santino truly do anything more than Bushwacker himself in and out of the Rumble in a new record time?!
Have they completely scrapped Kane/Kelly Kelly? If so, what was the fucking purpose to even start it? To give Legacy an introduction point? The match was brutual, the ending was horrible, and I'll be glad if I never see another Kane/Orton match again.. but the least Kane deserves is a female counter-part, and he isn't even seemingly getting that. I hope they do something further with Kane/Kelly Kelly, but leave Orton out of it.
I think the J.B.L./Cena/H.B.K. storyline went along nicely. My only complaint is going to continue to be J.B.L. actually wrestling at the Rumble. If I were him, I'd just "force" Shawn Michaels to compete for me.. and if he wins, then J.B.L. would "get the title". (kinda like a Million Dollar Man/Andre the Giant storyline) And if H.B.K. loses, he'd be fired from J.B.L.'s services. As it stands, I'm more than sure the storyline will end with H.B.K. Superkicking J.B.L. at the Rumble, then feuding up until No Way Out.
So, from start to finish.. Raw truly was forgettable. 2 outta 10, and that's barely even worth it. Infact, fuck it.. Raw isn't even getting a rating.
0 outta 10.