Jonny Needs Relationship Advise...

[Jonny B]

Prepare for a Will sized Post here… it’s a long one.

So about 7 months ago me and my ex broke up… there were various reasons, but basically at the time it just wasn’t working and we agreed to split after being together for 5 and a half years. We’ve spent the whole time pretty much apart I’ve only seen her twice including this past Friday. We started chatting on Facebook about a month ago and I happened to mention that I had a gig coming up and that she should come along, at first she wasn’t going to come, however at the last minute she decided to come along on her own. Bare in mind here that this was my first time actually on stage so I was a tad nervous and it was a pretty big gig to be honest.

So she turns up earlier than pretty much everyone else, I barely had a chance to go get food and come back to the venue after sound check, we spend most of the time up until I go on stage together she even looked after my phone, wallet and cigarettes for me when I went up there. While we were hanging out things got a bit playful she decided to mess my hair up just before I went on stage and at one point she was chasing me around the place with her lip gloss (which was actually quite funny) and we ended up in the corner wrestling (not in the giving her a Stunner kind of way). I got on stage and she was in the middle (I was on the right of the stage cus I only play bass) but everytime I looked down at her during the set she was looking up at me and would look away when I looked at her. So anyway when we finish a couple of my friends came to the edge of the stage to talk to me and she came up and started asking me why we didn’t play one of the old songs we wrote at college (the song was fucking awful). Anyway I pack my shit up, get off stage and she gives me back my stuff and says how amazing we were etc…

So anyway this other girl I know was there, and according to other people everytime I was talking to this other girl Liz (my ex) was looking over at me. She stayed right till the end and ended up getting in a taxi and coming back to our Drummers house where we all had a few drinks and chilled out after a crazy night. We ended up sitting next to each other, and once again we started play fighting, at one point we were almost on top of each other messing about. We talked pretty much the whole time we were there, and I kinda let it slip that I had dated another girl (who she sort of knows) and she seemed very interested and also a little annoyed that I had dated her. Our front guy gave us a lift home we said bye in a friend kind of way and she went home. I got a message from her that night saying she was sorry for biting me (yes she bit me, and it fucking hurt). Then on Saturday morning she sent me a message (as soon as she got up asking how I was, but she also dropped in there that she was glad we could be friends and hang out and have a laugh.

She messaged me on Sunday as well asking me if I was feeling any better (I was rough as hell on Saturday) and I didn’t get anything back form her till today. She said she was in a complicated situation, something I wouldn’t want to hear about (I imagine it’s something to do with a guy). That was after she said the day hadn’t started well and I asked her why.

So now I’m left wondering what to do, I do want her back… like I said I’ve dated a couple of girls and they don’t really come close to her in terms of the connection we had/have. But I don’t know what she wants, she has told me before that she just wants to be friends, but to be honest she said that before we first got together… I don’t know if I should make a move or just leave it as friends, or even just hang out as friends and hang out. I really don’t know if she still likes me and is confused about things.

So give me advise people… I don’t have a clue what’s going on here.

 

[Papa Shango]

Sounds to me like there's at least enough positive vibes being sent out to give it a shot. If you want her back, and you have a pretty good feeling that she feels the same way, then there's no harm in at least talking to her about it. Worst case scenario, she shoots you down, but she doesn't sound like the type who would avoid you just because you asked her back out, and you'll still have a good friendship. Best case scenario, she wants you back too, you make up, live happily ever after.

 

[Steamboat Ricky]

You usually make fun of these threads...

Best advice that the old Naitch could give you is this (bear in mind that I am way better at giving advice than actually being successful with women...i don't know what the deal is). First of all, take it slow. If you want her back, don't make it obvious. At this point, it seems as if she's trying to figure out what kind of stroke she still has in your life...i.e. showing up at the last minute/messaging you a couple times over the weekend. So, be in contact, but don't sound desperate. By being aloof and not showing that you are interested TOO much, it will likely draw her in. It will be a slow, gradual process, but the more natural and comfortable it is, the better.

Becca?

 

[Slim Pickns]

Jonny I can tell you from experience (I recently broke up with my girlfriend of four years) you have to think about what it was like dating her before and what you think will be different, if anything. Then decide if you want to go through with that, if yes, you have to go for it. You can't sit around the next few days, months, years, thinking I really should have gotten back together with her. I almost got back together with my ex but I remembered how she tried to mold me into her type of boyfriend when I was simply not that person. I felt bad breaking it off because she was incredibly sad, but it wasn't enought to get back with her.

You sound fairly sure like you want to go for it, so I'm gonna say you should. If it doesn't work out, life goes on. If you don't even try, it will stick with you for a while.

 

[Jonny B]

You usually make fun of these threads...

I do it in an ironic way... cus I've made these threads before.

 

[Papa Shango]

I don't mean to crap on your advice, Ricky, but from my experiences, if you test the waters slowly, wait for how she'll react you put the women completely in command of the situation, and then, should you succeed in getting her back, she'll have your nuts. A mature, mutual, but most importantly, upfront conversation is best for the relationship to succeed in the future. If Jonny goes about as if he's not sure what to do, that gives her the reigns. But if they talk things out beforehand, they'll both know exactly where the other stands, and have a more more meaningful, mutual relationship, instead of one having more control over the other.

 

[Steamboat Ricky]

On the contrary, that kind of advice will be getting you as many women as "The Goodfather." By being overly aggressive, you are actually putting the ball far too much in her court. By being cautiously aggressive, you are running the show.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Jonny, if it's causing you this much of a dilemma, I'd let her know how your feeling. Tell her and let her decide if she wants you back or not. If she turns you down, at least then you have your answer and she knows how you feel. That's pretty much the worst case. If she was doing that, the body language suggests she likes you at least a little.

 

[Jonny B]

I don't mean to crap on your advice, Ricky, but from my experiences, if you test the waters slowly, wait for how she'll react you put the women completely in command of the situation, and then, should you succeed in getting her back, she'll have your nuts. A mature, mutual, but most importantly, upfront conversation is best for the relationship to succeed in the future. If Jonny goes about as if he's not sure what to do, that gives her the reigns. But if they talk things out beforehand, they'll both know exactly where the other stands, and have a more more meaningful, mutual relationship, instead of one having more control over the other.

I think Ricky was getting at the taking it slow and hanging out as friends before having anything like that type of conversation. I'm thinking if I go in for the kill now it will only put her off... I mean tell me differently if you think I'm wrong. But my opinion is the more time we spend together and get to know each other again the more clear both our feeling will get. A conversation where I tell her that I want her back will probably result in her saying "I just want to be friends" but maybe after hanging out a bit more the way she feels will change, maybe it wont... but I must stand more of a chance if we have been talking/hanging out for a while, no?

 

[Steamboat Ricky]

That's the right plan, Jonny boy. You don't want her to think that you want her really bad. There is nothing more unattractive to a woman than a needy man. You need to show her that you are stable enough on your own. That is what will attract the fems.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Prepare for a Will sized Post here… it’s a long one.

So about 7 months ago me and my ex broke up… there were various reasons, but basically at the time it just wasn’t working and we agreed to split after being together for 5 and a half years. We’ve spent the whole time pretty much apart I’ve only seen her twice including this past Friday. We started chatting on Facebook about a month ago and I happened to mention that I had a gig coming up and that she should come along, at first she wasn’t going to come, however at the last minute she decided to come along on her own. Bare in mind here that this was my first time actually on stage so I was a tad nervous and it was a pretty big gig to be honest.

So she turns up earlier than pretty much everyone else, I barely had a chance to go get food and come back to the venue after sound check, we spend most of the time up until I go on stage together she even looked after my phone, wallet and cigarettes for me when I went up there. While we were hanging out things got a bit playful she decided to mess my hair up just before I went on stage and at one point she was chasing me around the place with her lip gloss (which was actually quite funny) and we ended up in the corner wrestling (not in the giving her a Stunner kind of way). I got on stage and she was in the middle (I was on the right of the stage cus I only play bass) but everytime I looked down at her during the set she was looking up at me and would look away when I looked at her. So anyway when we finish a couple of my friends came to the edge of the stage to talk to me and she came up and started asking me why we didn’t play one of the old songs we wrote at college (the song was fucking awful). Anyway I pack my shit up, get off stage and she gives me back my stuff and says how amazing we were etc…

So anyway this other girl I know was there, and according to other people everytime I was talking to this other girl Liz (my ex) was looking over at me. She stayed right till the end and ended up getting in a taxi and coming back to our Drummers house where we all had a few drinks and chilled out after a crazy night. We ended up sitting next to each other, and once again we started play fighting, at one point we were almost on top of each other messing about. We talked pretty much the whole time we were there, and I kinda let it slip that I had dated another girl (who she sort of knows) and she seemed very interested and also a little annoyed that I had dated her. Our front guy gave us a lift home we said bye in a friend kind of way and she went home. I got a message from her that night saying she was sorry for biting me (yes she bit me, and it fucking hurt). Then on Saturday morning she sent me a message (as soon as she got up asking how I was, but she also dropped in there that she was glad we could be friends and hang out and have a laugh.

Jonny, I'm assuming this girl is around your age but for the most part you just described to me the events that typically happen between two High School teenagers. They feel unhappy, or not completely great/perfect with what they have, so they both feel the need to move on and find that "perfect fit."

Well, the thing is I assume you both loved each other. I know just from talking with you about your ex, that you at least love her. The only problem is, I'd truly need to speak with her.. and hear her talk of you, to gain a reaction on whether she feels anything of the sort in return.

Females are very tricky and very dangerous that way. They are constantly filled with emotion, and as a result can show you friendship when you are mislead in thinking its so much more. Thats mainly because the average guy doesn't show much emotion, so whenever they received even the slightest bit.. they take it as a ton.

The deal with play wrestling and the flirting behavior in the back is also that of teenager-acts. I'm not saying that in a bad way, its not bad at all.. but once again it must fall into the "confusing as hell" catagory, because it might not mean anything.. and then again, it could mean everything. (Thus your typical teenager = confused and unknown as to what they want. Their mind/feelings change as much as their clothes.)

There is nothing you can lose from trying to see if something is still there, and I guarantee if you don't at least try.. you'll hurt from it a lot worse. While I understand being "shot down" or "rejected" will hurt.. never knowing the outcome is just uncomparable in return. I'd rather know it wouldn't work, then be left in the middle questioning what could've been.

She messaged me on Sunday as well asking me if I was feeling any better (I was rough as hell on Saturday) and I didn’t get anything back form her till today. She said she was in a complicated situation, something I wouldn’t want to hear about (I imagine it’s something to do with a guy). That was after she said the day hadn’t started well and I asked her why.

See, this could offend Females but I really don't care. The bolded part is what they do.

"Its complicated." This could be as serious as a relationship not working, or her wanting to tell YOU how she feels. Or it could be as stupid as her most recent flavor of lip-stick being recalled and no longer available. Females overkill the term "Its complicated."

"You wouldn't want to hear about it." Thats a blackhole waiting to happen. A.) Thats her saying she NEEDS you to know about it, or she NEEDS to tell everyone of it. B.) It almost always never involves you, but instead her and her alone. It might not even involve anything other than explaining her daily events. But none the less, she WANTS you to ask to hear about it.

Females don't typically feel they should come right out and tell you everything, even though they badly want to. They feel you should beg in a manner of speaking, just to hear about anything that goes on in their life. A perfect example of this...

A friend of mine disliked her fiancee' because he refused to talk about or even to cry regarding his Grandparent's death. (unsure which one) So she made it her personal goal, to get him to open up. She literally pushed and pushed until she made him breakdown and cry, and then talk about the whole situation. She didn't give a shit (for the most part) of what he had to talk about.. she just knew in her fucked little head, that SHE wanted to be the person that made him open up. Because thats a female thing. They wanna mold you and make you do what they want, so they can show you off as their new "pet" to all their friends.

Anyways. Sidetracking.. moving on...

So now I’m left wondering what to do, I do want her back… like I said I’ve dated a couple of girls and they don’t really come close to her in terms of the connection we had/have. But I don’t know what she wants, she has told me before that she just wants to be friends, but to be honest she said that before we first got together… I don’t know if I should make a move or just leave it as friends, or even just hang out as friends and hang out. I really don’t know if she still likes me and is confused about things.

So give me advise people… I don’t have a clue what’s going on here.

Jonny, I'm more than sure she is a great girl and a wonderful person to have a relationship with. The things you definately need to look at, are why you didn't work out to begin with. You need to ask yourself what it was, that caused you both to mutually agree to split up in the very beginning. What were the issues that drove you both to that decision.

Then, as you said.. you want her back. You've even said in the past that noone compares to her, and that you almost feel you're always going to compare them to her. Thats because she, to my knowledge & understanding, would be your most powerful love. I've been in that situation, I know that situation. Noone will compare, or be greater than your biggest love. Its something you just either have to live with and move on.. or try for it.

In my situation, I can't try for it for multiple reasons. The biggest is we're both married. LOL However in yours, you can try for it. Because neither of you are tied down in a "forever" sense. Jonny, you need to just take the chance and go for it.

Love isn't easy. Life isn't just handed to you.. if you don't take risks, then you'll never get to where you need to be, regarding that situation. Everything in life is a risk, everything in love is a risk. You're putting your heart on the line, and you're risking your pride, your emotions, you're going above and beyond for one specific person.. in hopes they'll return the favor. Sometimes you'll get rejected, and turned down.. and sometimes you won't.

But the most important thing to realize, is you need to try.. or else you'll never know.

 

[Papa Shango]

I think Ricky was getting at the taking it slow and hanging out as friends before having anything like that type of conversation. I'm thinking if I go in for the kill now it will only put her off... I mean tell me differently if you think I'm wrong. But my opinion is the more time we spend together and get to know each other again the more clear both our feeling will get. A conversation where I tell her that I want her back will probably result in her saying "I just want to be friends" but maybe after hanging out a bit more the way she feels will change, maybe it wont... but I must stand more of a chance if we have been talking/hanging out for a while, no?

No, you're right about spending tim as friends for a little but first. But I'm saying eventully, you WILL need to have that conversation in order for your second go-around to succeed. If you guys broke up after such a long time, then obviously something is wrong. If eventually you two just phase back into a relationship, there's a good chance that things will be the same as they were before. Which means that most likely, maybe after a few months, maybe another five years, but the old mistakes will come back to haunt you. BUT, if you have the "things we need to work on" conversation, you'll a have a much more successful relationship. And what I'm saying is that it's better to have that convo sooner rather later.

 

[HBK-aholic]

Prepare for a Will sized Post here… it’s a long one.

You weren't wrong.

So about 7 months ago me and my ex broke up… there were various reasons, but basically at the time it just wasn’t working and we agreed to split after being together for 5 and a half years.

This in itself is enough for me to think the feelings will never fully go away. That's a hell of a lot of time to be with someone, and they'll have obviously meant a lot to you. It doesn't just go away.

We’ve spent the whole time pretty much apart I’ve only seen her twice including this past Friday. We started chatting on Facebook about a month ago and I happened to mention that I had a gig coming up and that she should come along, at first she wasn’t going to come, however at the last minute she decided to come along on her own. Bare in mind here that this was my first time actually on stage so I was a tad nervous and it was a pretty big gig to be honest.

Seems like she thought it out before saying she'll go. And by thought it out, I mean I think she was thinking about what part she could begin to play in your life again, and possibly deciding she wanted to be really close to you again, as this gig seemed like a big deal to you.

So she turns up earlier than pretty much everyone else, I barely had a chance to go get food and come back to the venue after sound check, we spend most of the time up until I go on stage together she even looked after my phone, wallet and cigarettes for me when I went up there.

So basically, she came earlier than everyone else to spend more time with you, and to take the poisition of doing the things you needed, such as looking after everything before anyone else could.

While we were hanging out things got a bit playful she decided to mess my hair up just before I went on stage and at one point she was chasing me around the place with her lip gloss (which was actually quite funny) and we ended up in the corner wrestling (not in the giving her a Stunner kind of way).

This really makes me think there's something there. This isn't the sort of thing that regular friends just do. Well me and my best friend used to and then we got together so yano. It's the sort of thing you expect couples really at ease with each other to do. Like you feel really comfortable with each other.

I got on stage and she was in the middle (I was on the right of the stage cus I only play bass) but everytime I looked down at her during the set she was looking up at me and would look away when I looked at her.

Haha. This made me laugh due to how obvious it is. Every girl does the looking down thing. It makes you more intrigued, instead of her just staring. Makes you think about her more. It'd be too obvious if she simply started.

So anyway when we finish a couple of my friends came to the edge of the stage to talk to me and she came up and started asking me why we didn’t play one of the old songs we wrote at college (the song was fucking awful). Anyway I pack my shit up, get off stage and she gives me back my stuff and says how amazing we were etc…

It's as if she's making you remember memories here.

So anyway this other girl I know was there, and according to other people everytime I was talking to this other girl Liz (my ex) was looking over at me.

Probably trying to work out if there was anything between you 2 other than friendship. If you were only acting friendly with the girl it'd give her confidence due to the difference in how you act with her.

She stayed right till the end and ended up getting in a taxi and coming back to our Drummers house where we all had a few drinks and chilled out after a crazy night. We ended up sitting next to each other, and once again we started play fighting, at one point we were almost on top of each other messing about.

I don't think you need me to explain this part to you.

We talked pretty much the whole time we were there, and I kinda let it slip that I had dated another girl (who she sort of knows) and she seemed very interested and also a little annoyed that I had dated her.

Jealousy here, definitely. It seems she wants to be the girl you were last with, and she doesn't like the idea you could have moved on from her. When, from what it looks like, she hasn't moved on from you.

Our front guy gave us a lift home we said bye in a friend kind of way and she went home. I got a message from her that night saying she was sorry for biting me (yes she bit me, and it fucking hurt). Then on Saturday morning she sent me a message (as soon as she got up asking how I was, but she also dropped in there that she was glad we could be friends and hang out and have a laugh.

She really starts to show her desperation here. The rest is subtle in a way, but with the messages it means you really were on her mind.

She messaged me on Sunday as well asking me if I was feeling any better (I was rough as hell on Saturday) and I didn’t get anything back form her till today. She said she was in a complicated situation, something I wouldn’t want to hear about (I imagine it’s something to do with a guy). That was after she said the day hadn’t started well and I asked her why.

Complicated situation...Has feelings for her ex but doesn't know how he feels.

So now I’m left wondering what to do, I do want her back… like I said I’ve dated a couple of girls and they don’t really come close to her in terms of the connection we had/have. But I don’t know what she wants, she has told me before that she just wants to be friends, but to be honest she said that before we first got together…

Girls are stupid and never say what they mean. It really sounds like she wants you back, unless she's one of those girls that just flirt for nothing? It also depends on when she told you she only wanted to be friends, because times change and you 2 seem to have got close recently.

I don’t know if I should make a move or just leave it as friends, or even just hang out as friends and hang out. I really don’t know if she still likes me and is confused about things.

Don't mention anything just yet, don't act desperate. But do organise to see her again. Maybe the next time a few friends are going out. Slowly build it back up again, and with that I'm sure she'll get the message you want her back. Don't dive straight in there as she may simply be confused about it, and you don't want to move too fast and for her to back out.

 

[IrishCanadian25]

Jonny, if I remember a few months ago, this isn't the first time you've experienced this situation. It's a tricky one.

Your ex, (Liz, right) is being very flirty with you, which is all well and good. I mean, you two have a history based on mutual affection, so that's cool. There is also a fine line between "playful flirting with a friendly ex" and "playing with one's emotions."

Furthermore, it seems clear that your ex expected you to sit home and sulk 24/7 during your time apart from her. In her world, she wants you to pine for her and tell her all about how depressed you've been without her and how you need her in your life, etc. She goes in with that fantasy, and comes out with "I was seeing this girl for a shirt time." Well, she doesn't seem sure how to react to that, so she tries to hide her annoyance with "curiosity." Details of the girl are technically none of her business, since you were broken up when you dated that other girl. It's 100% your choice how much you tell her about that, but be mindful of if it's just you being honest or trying to make her jealous. Both happen easily without warning.

If you want her back, I'd be concerned about possessiveness or jealousy on her part. As long as you can communicate openly with her about friends you have and people you talk to, then you can make it work. But you're in a band - strangers walk up to you and chit chat with you about the set, some of whom are female. Is this girl going to pick a fight with you after every show you do because a girl walks up to you and asks you about your music? My fiancee and I are friends with a lot of guys in bands - we've seen that happen too many times to count.

I guess the first question to ask is - would she trust you? Is she secure enough to trust you?

 

[DJ]

Become a priest.Simple.

 

[Papa Shango]

Worst. Advice. Ever. He'll end up dating a altar boy.

 

[Jonny B]

I can't help but think I'm reading too much into all this.

When we first started talking again on Facebook she made it clear that us getting back together wasn't on her mind and that she just wanted to be friends. I do wonder if in her mind there simply just isn't anything there anymore so she doesn't think about doing things like play fighting with me etc.. as anything more than just messing about as friends... although every other female that has ever done that sort of stuff with me has been interested in me in some way.

She knows I don't want to hear about her and other guys because of me it's too weird to talk about that kind of stuff with an ex, yet she sometimes will ask me about my love life as well.

If you want her back, I'd be concerned about possessiveness or jealousy on her part. As long as you can communicate openly with her about friends you have and people you talk to, then you can make it work. But you're in a band - strangers walk up to you and chit chat with you about the set, some of whom are female. Is this girl going to pick a fight with you after every show you do because a girl walks up to you and asks you about your music? My fiancee and I are friends with a lot of guys in bands - we've seen that happen too many times to count.

I guess the first question to ask is - would she trust you? Is she secure enough to trust you?

She was never the jealous type... she was always fine with me talking to other girls because she trusted me 100%... I was the same with her as well. So I dont think that would be an issue if we did eventually end up back together.

I do want her back, but the thing is we have both changed so much that it wouldn't be anything like what we had before, and I want something like that... I dont want what we had before, yeah some of that was great, but some of it was terrible. I don't know if we needed to be apart for a while to change who we were, or if we are always going to be apart because she doesn't see me that way anymore. I mean she straight up admitted there was more to the breakup on her end than she ever let on... but she wouldn't tell me what, maybe she just wasn't attracted to me anymore, but then was the stuff she was doing the other night a sign that she still is attracted to me or what?

 

[Afro-Ameri-Spawn]

Dude, what caused you to break up in the first place. Was it things about you that she didn't like or was it things about her that YOU didn't like? Let me just tell you this as an example.

Me and my ex work together. We worked together since before we started dating and we worked together while we were dating. We have good times while we dated. We went out, we did stuff, we were great. Thing was, she was entirely too immature and pretty much was always looking for someone to take care of her. I mean she would ask me for advice and then get made cuz I gave it to her. We tried counselling and everything, but in the end nothing could save us.

We spent that awkward amount of time not talking to each other, but luckily we work opposite shifts so when I would be leaving she would be coming and vice versa. Then suddenly we started talking and laughing and everything and her roommate, who is my best friend and coworker, would tell me how much she talks about me at home and how she still loves me. It got me to thinking that maybe a second chance would be worth a go. At the time, it was a feeling and a whim, and I wanted to act on it in a heartbeat.

But I decided to be patient about it and let other things occupy my time to halt off on looking overly anxious. Thing is that during this time, I saw that immaturity that caused so many problems was not only there but was worse. We always had problems with work as she fucks off time and disrespects the place while I am very loyal and dedicated. And then finances and how she was even more irrespossible with money and such and other things that caused alot of problems when we dated.

The point that I am getting to is that I let old feeling subside to take in the whole picture and saw that not only had it not changed, but it was worse. So that's the advice that I give you my friend. Take minute to look around, aside from the playing and the good vibe you had. Do your homework a bit and see where she stands instead of where you envision the two of you possibly standing. You will be better off and will know for sure if it's the right move.

 

[Afro-Ameri-Spawn]

Worst. Advice. Ever. He'll end up dating a altar boy.

Altar Boy Luke from NWA Wildside? lol

 

[Jonny B]

Dude, what caused you to break up in the first place. Was it things about you that she didn't like or was it things about her that YOU didn't like?

There were a lot of reasons behind the breakup.

Firstly, we did absolutely nothing together in the last six months we were together, she would literally come over on a Saturday Night and we'd get some food, sit there and watch TV. Neither of us had a life and we basically got into a rut. Why did we get into a rut... I have theories but I can't ever really be sure. She has/had a lot of issues, gets very anxious around crowds and people she doesn't know, suffers from quite bad depression and she just didn't want to go out. I think she felt like she couldn't get better while we were together because we didn't do anything together. Although she seems much better now, she came to the gig on her own not knowing anyone but me, knowing I wouldn't be able to spend the whole night with her that to me shows she is getting over her issues.

Secondly, our sex life died... and we argued about it regularly... to the point where every week when she would come over we would end up in a fight because she didn't want to have sex and I did. I don't think we had sex in like 6 months before we broke up... which is why I wonder if she just wasn't attracted to me anymore.

Thirdly, I didn't like the fact we only spent one night a week together... I was always saying things like "lets hang out this evening" but she had Uni work and what not, but there were other times when she was able to go see other people and do her Uni work... but not see me. That always annoyed me and it became one of the issues we fought about all the time, I think this issue came up when we were already in trouble so she didn't want to spend a lot of time with me because we just weren't getting on.

Those are the only things I can think of, and they were things that came up very late in our relationship when we got into a massive rut... one I dont ever intend to get into again. Like I said before I'd want things to be a lot different and I think we have both managed to grow up a lot over the last 7 months and it would be very different.

 

[Slim Pickns]

Thirdly, I didn't like the fact we only spent one night a week together... I was always saying things like "lets hang out this evening" but she had Uni work and what not, but there were other times when she was able to go see other people and do her Uni work... but not see me. That always annoyed me and it became one of the issues we fought about all the time, I think this issue came up when we were already in trouble so she didn't want to spend a lot of time with me because we just weren't getting on.
Those are the only things I can think of, and they were things that came up very late in our relationship when we got into a massive rut... one I dont ever intend to get into again. Like I said before I'd want things to be a lot different and I think we have both managed to grow up a lot over the last 7 months and it would be very different.

That could be because she was sick of fighting, not neccessarily sick of you as a person. I'm not trying to be all positive to make you feel better, but I think if you guys really want to be together,you can set aside some time that is just for you two and make everything work. I did that with my girlfriend and it worked. It just so happens we broke up for other reasons.

Only you can tell if things will be different as none of us know this girl. However, the fact that you are even thinking about it makes it seem like you really want to and are just being extra cautious. It'd probably be better to try, the breakup would be way easier this time.

 

[Jonny B]

Yeah I took it that way... I just don't know what she wants which is the problem.

 

[Slim Pickns]

Well all I can say is she'll probably never straight up tell you. Most women like to see men figure it out on their own. If she does tell you, she's something special.

 

[Jonny B]

Thats a fair point.

She is off on holiday tomorrow for a week, but we have arranged to hang out after that. So I guess if we keep hanging out eventually I'll figure it out, I did last time with her... so who knows.

 

[Afro-Ameri-Spawn]

Yeah, but is she itching for one nite or to go back to the long term? Sometimes, women want the affection without the strings and it seems more comfortable to get that from an ex who may seem to be too busy to get attached than it does to go to a stranger.