Fucked up Stories by Gunnz

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

I said awhile back that I would start a thread and tell a story as often as you guys wanted to hear (read) them. Some of you may not care, some of you may be curious, and some of you may actually find them amusing.

They are all true, they really happened, I lived them, and now I share them.

My roommate brought home a girl that he had been telling me and some friends about for a month or so. She was hot, she was fun, and she was...well, fucking hot! After about a week or so, he started telling us to tell her he wasn't home or he was busy. After about 2 weeks of doing this, I offered to take her off of his hands. He agreed and I started talking to this girl... Come to find out, she's a stripper.(whoot!) So...we hang out, we get drunk, we make out, we fuck, all is well... This goes on for about a month and she finally invites me over to her place. We get there, make out on the porch for a few minutes, and then head inside....Where she introduces me to her husband. HER FUCKING HUSBAND! I'm sorry...I wasn't aware of another guy in her life, let alone one she was married to! It all worked out though...as the night went on, the drunker we got, the more me and her husband hit it off, and pretty soon, it was like we were best friends, and she was fucking pissed... The moral? It's ok to bring a stripper home, but if you should ever go home with a stripper, be prepared to act gay. It just may save your life!

 

[Sparky]

every half hour.

 

[Khalifa]

LOL that is some crazy shit.

 

[Mr. TM]

Gunnz got his own Spin Off Show!

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

Awesome... I'm MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVIN ON UP!

 

[Danmen001]

Lol. As often as you have a story you want to tell. Interesting stuff.

 

[Monkey_Mania]

I'll tell you what's fucked up...NOT VOTING STING IN THE WZ TOURNY.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

So, I was working at this restaurant, and this new girl that had only been working there for a couple days had her friends approach me and tell me she thought I was cute... Hmph... Well, I started talking to her and after a few shifts together, we started hangin out. She decided that we should go hang out somewhere we could be alone, so naturally, I agreed... She drove this old busted ass Datsun that was a stickshift, so just for fun, I asked her to teach me... I'm driving this thing down a road that was having repairs n shit done to it, so there was about a mile of wooden barricades with the lights on top of them...I had to... I asked her if I could hit some with her car... Apparently she REALLY liked me, cuz she said, "Go for it... I don't care." Long story short, about a 1/4 mile of barricades were raped that night. So, we get to this open area and pull off. This girl gets out of the car, gets on the hood, pulls her shorts off, and makes me fuck her on the hood of her car... then on the trunk... then on the roof... It was awesome... She got fired like 2 days later, and I swear to god, I've been looking for her ever since. Never saw her again... Moral? Never let me drive your car when there's construction going on... unless you're well insured.

 

[FromTheSouth]

We need to get Gunnz a full rep bar before he gets 100 posts.

I got jumped by girlfriend's boyfriend once. That was a surprise.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

We need to get Gunnz a full rep bar before he gets 100 posts.

I got jumped by girlfriend's boyfriend once. That was a surprise.

That is the shittiest of shitty shit to have happen... Personally, to get him back, I'd have fucked her while someone hid and took pictures, then put them under his windshield wipers...

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

So, I'm still working at this same restaurant, and this cute lil thing starts working there. She ended up becoming our assistant manager. She was about 10 years older than me (I was 18 at the time) and she actually showed some interest. I had to convince her to go out with me, because of the whole "boss/subordinate" issue, but she finally agreed. Went out, got drunk, went home with her, had awesome aggressive over the top sex, went to sleep... When I woke up, I didn't even know where I was. I got up, got dressed and went to leave and was greeted by 3 kids. This bitch had kids and didn't even bother to tell me... I didn't see a kids' room when I got drug down the hall the night before...wtf?! Long story short, It was the only time we hooked up, I lost my job 2 weeks later, because something else that was never mentioned to me, was that she was my managers daughter... I got to fuck the bosses daughter and lost my job because of it... best reason I ever lost a job for... The Moral? If you fear for your jobs security, fuck management before they can fuck you!

 

[Jane]

That was so good i'm convinced your getting it off some site.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

These are coming straight from the archives in my head, my friend... I've lived every single thing I talk about on this thread... No bullshit.

 

[FromTheSouth]

[QUOTE="Bad Ass" Johnny Gunnz;879369]That is the shittiest of shitty shit to have happen... Personally, to get him back, I'd have fucked her while someone hid and took pictures, then put them under his windshield wipers...[/QUOTE]

I whipped his ass in front of her with my dick swinging in circles because all I was wearing was a shirt.

 

[FromTheSouth]

I started dating a girl once and then weeks later found out she had another boyfriend (different girl). We had hung out together, all three of us a few times, and she never stuck around very long. She would be cleaning while he and I smoked or what have you. I would usually leave first, as I have never been one to make new friends with dudes. A guy has to really impress me for me to want to chill with him outside of the context in which we met. All that means is that I have a bunch of party friends that would never get invited to my wedding. But anyway, he caught us kissing or something, and drove home. He had his friend take his guitar, and then he called the cops and told them that I stole it. The cop was questioning me for a while, so finally I just blurted out, "Check his closet, he probably sold it for drug money." The cop went in and checked his closet. Guess who went to jail that night......

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

I started dating a girl once and then weeks later found out she had another boyfriend (different girl). We had hung out together, all three of us a few times, and she never stuck around very long. She would be cleaning while he and I smoked or what have you. I would usually leave first, as I have never been one to make new friends with dudes. A guy has to really impress me for me to want to chill with him outside of the context in which we met. All that means is that I have a bunch of party friends that would never get invited to my wedding. But anyway, he caught us kissing or something, and drove home. He had his friend take his guitar, and then he called the cops and told them that I stole it. The cop was questioning me for a while, so finally I just blurted out, "Check his closet, he probably sold it for drug money." The cop went in and checked his closet. Guess who went to jail that night......

I'm the same way... I always look at dudes like "Motherfucker, you wanna be my friend, stop talking and do a trick." I've only made 2 actual friends off of people I met while hanging out with someone...and only one of them is still my friend. I don't consider having to break someones car window to pull them out, because they just insulted my girl, and tried to drive away, so I beat the donkey shit out of them someone I'd want to be friends with anymore. But hey... It could just be me...l

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

So...my buddy and me worked at the same Radioshack... There's a subway next door, and of course, there were all these teenage girls working there... (Ranging from 16 to 19)
My buddy told me that he liked one of the girls there and asked me if I'd try and hook them up. I agreed, but it all started going to shit within a couple of days. I go and tell her what he wanted me to say and she'd tell me how cute she thought I was or some bullshit... So...one night, I invited them both over to my house to try and get them together... She took me outside and I assumed that it was to tell me something about my buddy... Wrong... she starts kissing me and rubbin my nuts n shit... I was like, "Bitch! Are you crazy? He's right inside that door!!!" She didn't care... this went on for a few minutes before I was like, "Ok, we gotta go back inside...he's waiting!" Well, after about an hour of him trying to spit game at this girl, he left. I told him I'd talk to her for him, and he said ok. He left...she throws me down on the couch and rips my pants off and starts giving me one of the best blowjobs ever....of all time. Would YOU say no to a girl that had your penis in her mouth? Thought so... Well...I finally busted a nut, got up, took a shower, and came back out to the living room. She was sittin there waiting for me to fuck her... I looked at her, laughed, and was like..."Oh...you're still here? I guess I shoulda been more clear... You can go now. I'll call you when I need you." She gave me that disgusted look, grabbed her shit and left. Best shutdown...ever. And of course, next time I called, guess who came running. Moral? Doing this stuff to your friends is shitty and immoral... but she fucked your friend over, so bend her over and fuck her back!

 

[Stickstar 16]

Dude i don't know whether you have the worst luck in the world, or you just attract crazy but these stories are pure gold. keep them coming and i'll keep reading them.

 

[Marquis]

I'm convinced if you wrote a book based on your encounters with females, it would be a bestseller.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

Spread the word, my friends... Spread the word. The more people that read and enjoy, the better. And hell...If people can learn anything from me, I'm glad to have been able to help!

 

[Stickstar 16]

Will do, someone like deadmanblowsacrackhead should read this and learn how to deal with women , btw check out my poll bout female body parts, would love your insight and opinion, oh and i'll get revenge for fight club lol just u watch and wait

 

[Christian Battlez]

[QUOTE="Bad Ass" Johnny Gunnz;881092]So, I'm still working at this same restaurant, and this cute lil thing starts working there. She ended up becoming our assistant manager. She was about 10 years older than me (I was 18 at the time) and she actually showed some interest. I had to convince her to go out with me, because of the whole "boss/subordinate" issue, but she finally agreed. Went out, got drunk, went home with her, had awesome aggressive over the top sex, went to sleep... When I woke up, I didn't even know where I was. I got up, got dressed and went to leave and was greeted by 3 kids. This bitch had kids and didn't even bother to tell me... I didn't see a kids' room when I got drug down the hall the night before...wtf?! Long story short, It was the only time we hooked up, I lost my job 2 weeks later, because something else that was never mentioned to me, was that she was my managers daughter... I got to fuck the bosses daughter and lost my job because of it... best reason I ever lost a job for... The Moral? If you fear for your jobs security, fuck management before they can fuck you![/QUOTE]

I didn't vote because I need your stories more than once a day...I think ur my new fav poster.

Johnny Gunnz FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[FromTheSouth]

Gunnz is everyone's favorite new poster.

I got one for Gunnz. I get to sleep with a 19 year old restaurant hostess soon. I tipped her to jump the wait and charmed the hell out of her doing it. I was with a co-worker who she thought was my girlfriend. The yungin was so proud that she was getting my attention she gave me her number and said to give her time to go to the mall before I called her. I asked her why and she said she had to go get some things from Victoria's secret.

And I didn't just meet her. I go to that place to eat a couple of times a week and she's always there. Ever since I broke up with the last girlfriend she has become a permanent fixture on my balls.

 

[The Big Gunnzbowski]

Gunnz is everyone's favorite new poster.

I got one for Gunnz. I get to sleep with a 19 year old restaurant hostess soon. I tipped her to jump the wait and charmed the hell out of her doing it. I was with a co-worker who she thought was my girlfriend. The yungin was so proud that she was getting my attention she gave me her number and said to give her time to go to the mall before I called her. I asked her why and she said she had to go get some things from Victoria's secret.

And I didn't just meet her. I go to that place to eat a couple of times a week and she's always there. Ever since I broke up with the last girlfriend she has become a permanent fixture on my balls.

Nice...anytime you can get a new accessory for your balls (In the form of a vagina, attached to a hot girl) I say do it.

My past almost caught up to me today... But I handled the situation in such a suave fucking manner, I deserve an award. I had a second interview at a local bank today... I go up to the counter, cuz my best bud is a teller there too. There's this girl at the counter having some sort of transaction. Mind you, I'm pushing the cart that I've got, cuz I've got my newborn son in the carseat and my wife had gone to the restroom to change my daughter. So...this girl at the counter turns around and I freeze. It's a girl I had fucked numerous times right before (and after) I met my wife. So, I'm talking to her, and she's like "Awww, you have a new baby! I so want another one! I just haven't met the right guy yet..." And she's looking me dead in the eyes, with that "You wanna fuck me?" look on her face... I was speechless... My buddy is standing behind the counter looking at me like "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! You fucked up!!" She went on to say how she hasn't met a good guy in forever and she wants to meet a sweet guy... So, I spin around to my buddy and I ask him for one of his business cards. He hands me one, I spin back around, hand it to her, and say "This is Keith, he's my best friend. Call him sometime." And I walk away... Just like that... It was the most suave fucking move ever... Moral? If you're with your wife and someone you USED to fuck happens to magically appear...ALWAYS have a contingency plan.

 

[Jonny B]

fiction

1. a. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
b. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense.
2. A lie.
3. a. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact.
b. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including novels and short stories.
4. Law Something untrue that is intentionally represented as true by the narrator.

^^^