I Need to Come Clean

[Coco]

When I first started posting on forums many moons ago (2005, to be exact), I was a teenager rife with insecurity. This insecurity manifested itself in many ways. One of them was intellectually. For no particularly good reason, I felt as though my opinion wasn't worth as much as that of people who had been watching wrestling longer than me. As a result, I, like many scrawny, pale, dateless teenagers before me and many more since, pretended to know more than I did so that people on the internet would think I was cool. It was a dark time in my life, a time marred by acne and... well, mostly acne.

In the years since, I've grown as a person (humble, aren't I?). But I've never outed myself on wrestling forums regarding the false knowledge I'd claimed and the reputation I built off of it. Let's chalk it up to not having found an appropriate time to take a blowtorch to my credibility. Well, why not now?

Here it is: I didn't start watching wrestling in 1994 like I've frequently claimed. I started watching wrestling in... November 2001. The tail end of the Attitude Era. Having missed the peak of Austin and Rock, what could I possibly know about wrestling? Shameful, I know. You can commence tarring and feathering me, Milenko-style, at your pleasure. I offer the last of my dignity up to you, the fine people of WrestleZone.

And as a point of discussion, are you secure enough to share an instance where you pretended to know more than you did? Embellished the truth in any way to make yourself seem like hot shit? Stuffed socks in your jock strap so that tight singlet wouldn't be so humbling?

Undoubtedly, many people will be posting their glowing resumés in this thread.

 

[JGlass]

I'm not really Jewish. Now leave me alone about it.

 

[Coco]

I'm not really Jewish. Now leave me alone about it.

You no longer have a good reason not to eat bacon.

 

[JGlass]

You no longer have a good reason not to eat bacon.

I've been eating it on sandwiches lately. Still don't like it when it's not accompanied by spicy chicken or turkey, though.

 

[Coco]

I thought you were kidding about the not being a Jew thing.

Who are you? (I think I chose the wrong operative word; I'm gonna give that a few readings while you respond)

 

[JGlass]

I thought you were kidding about the not being a Jew thing.

Who are you? (I think I chose the wrong operative word; I'm gonna give that a few readings while you respond)

I was. Or wasn't I?

No, I was. I don't follow the religion, I just identify with being culturally and ethnically Jewish. I dabble in Yiddish, enjoy Woody Allen movies, and celebrate Jewish holidays. I haven't been to temple since high school, and even then it was only once or twice a year, and I don't believe in God, gods, the Torah, or any of the religious aspects of Judaism. Religiously I'm an atheist, but culturally and ethnically I'm a Jew.

I'm trying to think of any lies I may have told to impress people on the forums, but I'm drawing blanks, much like GSB at the sperm bank. I guess I'm just a better person than you.

 

[Coco]

I only told one lie (as far as you know). We're on even footing (as far as you know).

 

[Nate DaMac]

The very first time I told everyone I had gotten a girl pregnant, I was lying. I was living on a futon in a spare room at my mom's house, I wasn't fucking anyone. I tried to make one of those announcement type threads to get rep.

I don't even remember the lie I told to explain away the fake baby. I either said she lost it or aborted it.

The second time though, the one where I was hysterically upset, that one was real.

 

[ABMorales787]

I don't watch WWE.

 

[shattered dreams]

I don't think I have ever seen a hulkamania era match in its entirety although I don't recall ever directly suggesting I have.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I don't think I have ever seen a hulkamania era match in its entirety although I don't recall ever directly suggesting I have.

Pretty sure I've only seen 2- The WM4 match where he was either disqualified or counted out, not sure, and the one against Warrior which was legit great.

I've never seen Steamboat/Savage. In fact, I've never seen a Steamboat match in it's entirety except the ones he had around WM25 when he came back.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I lied about my vasectomy so that JGlass wouldn't make me wear a condom.

There's really not much reason to lie around here unless you just get off on fucking with people.

Plus it's easier to respect someone who didn't watch wrestling in 1994. It was pretty bad if I remember correctly.

 

[latino World order]

I'm not really

 

[Tiger Chaos Theory]

I don't even watch wrestling.

 

[The Dewbliners]

My Little Pony isn't even my favorite cartoon. Though, to be fair, it is my favorite still in production/airing.

 

[The_Reptile_]

The first wrestling match I ever saw wasn't in 2010 like I've been saying. It was actually some throwaway match on Raw all the way back in 2000. However I didn't actually start watching wrestling until 2010 so mock me as you wish.

 

[GI Cake]

I actually enjoy Waffles more then Pancakes.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

I'm actually good at comedy.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

I claimed to know stuff about Japanese wrestling during the 2010 WZ Tourney...I didn't and still don't.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Pfft, fuck off. I genuinely know who Frank Gotch is. It's a recent development, granted.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I got one. Sometimes I write about PPVs that I didn't even watch.

But I still think I'm more right about them then some of the people who actually did watch.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I didn't watch wrestling between 2002 and 2004, except for VHSes my brother brought home from university, because all I had was terrestrial television. I remember how he would tell me how fantastic Randy Orton was. Took me nearly eight years to reach the same level of enthusiasm. WrestleMania XIX was possibly the first time I saw a Rey Mysterio match, come to think of it.

By all accounts, I began watching wrestling in 1996. Since my memory really only goes as far back as 1998 - am I making some people feel old? - that's pretty meaningless. The first match I remember watching was either Kane versus Austin for the WWF Championship (I rooted for Kane and thought it was amazing when Paul Bearer took off his shoe and tried to hit Austin with it) or The Rock versus Triple H for the Intercontinental Championship - which ended in a time limit draw, but I think one or two of their matches did so that doesn't really help narrow it down.

WCW Monday Nitro used to be on an hour before Raw on Friday - yes, Friday - nights. It was fucking awful. The only thing I remember from watching it was Ric Flair getting (or not getting?) shaved bald and also the time (same storyline?) where he had his twelve year old son fight a bunch of guys, including his other son, with him.

I have straight-up sat through WrestleMania VI as a ten year old boy and hated it.

My mum has a meal called the "Hulk Hogan dinner" - basically just shepherd's pie - which is intended to make you grow up like Hulk Hogan. I think it worked.

And I once lied about having played Donkey Kong Country Returns, which is the only straightforward lie I remember having told on here.

 

[Uncle Sam]

And I like Kurt Angle.

 

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

Coco, did you find God or lose a loved one lately? First your reveal about getting off to Remmington Steele, and now you're humbling yourself to an internet community that probably doesn't give a fuck?

I don't blame you for lying about your wrestling credibility. Nobody takes you seriously if you haven't "lived" Hogan bodyslamming Andre, or cried when "Macho Man" and Elizabeth got married. Well EXCUSE ME for being 22, and not being alive when Hulkamania was a big deal... You want to know something? Fuck the Attitude Era. I love the Rock, but probably my biggest, darkest secret is that I never got that into "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. I tuned out of wrestling during that era, because I got more interested in other things. I wasn't one of the kids talking about Raw or Nitro in the late 90's, I was probably practicing an instrument or spreading bullshit about God to impressionable children.

I actually liked pro wrestling more during the era you started watching. I got more into the JBL and John Cena feud than I ever did McMahon-Austin. Is that to say it wasn't fantastic? No, it's just to say that I was very young, and it didn't appeal to me. Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, etc. Those guys appealed to me. That's what brought me back into wrestlng, and it's the reason I'm still hooked on it today. I can honestly say that if it weren't for two matches - both from the Smackdown brand - I would not be a wrestling fan today.

1. Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar in a 60-minute Iron Man match

2. Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker, Hell in a Cell

These two matches, more than anything, blew my mind. It wasn't watching Steve Austin pass out in a pool of his own blood, it was watching Undertaker grab Paul Heyman by the tie and grind his face against the unforgiving steel prison. It was seeing Kurt Angle be the best damn wrestler on the planet, every single week. I don't mean to insult where anybody else came from, or what brought them to the proverbial dance. I'm just saying that there are moments for EVERYONE that intrigue and interest them. Everyone has their thing. And as much as people bitch about today's product, in ten years, Little Jimmy Coco is going to be saying "Man...remember CM Punk and John Cena at Money in the Bank? That's what made me a wrestling fan".

The first match I remember watching was either Kane versus Austin for the WWF Championship (I rooted for Kane and thought it was amazing when Paul Bearer took off his shoe and tried to hit Austin with it) or The Rock versus Triple H for the Intercontinental Championship - which ended in a time limit draw, but I think one or two of their matches did so that doesn't really help narrow it down.

I know I started watching wrestling with my neighbor and best friend from a very young age, but I honestly can't remember any of it. Every once in awhile I'll check out an old DVD or something on YouTube and swear I've seen it before though. The first match I actually remember seeing was a ladder match between Eddie Guerrero and Syxx for the US Championship, at the 1997 WCW Souled Out pay-per-view.

 

[Coco]

I have straight-up sat through WrestleMania VI as a ten year old boy and hated it.

Hasn't gotten better with age. In fact as much as people like to put them on a pedestal, some of those early WrestleManias are absolutely painful to sit through in 2012. The amount of meaningless filler involving guys you don't give a fuck about is overwhelming. With a handful of exceptions to the rule, Manias didn't really get good for me until 2001. And I don't think this has anything to do when I started watching. I'm more than tolerant and open to older wrestling. But old WWF filler can be really fucking dull. Everyone who cried that Mania 25 or 27 was the worst ever really needs a wake-up call.

Also, why didn't we get Savage vs Rhodes at Mania VI? Surely KB has some explanation that sort of gets near the truth.

Coco, did you find God or lose a loved one lately?

I find God every other week. So nothing out of the ordinary.

I don't blame you for lying about your wrestling credibility. Nobody takes you seriously if you haven't "lived" Hogan bodyslamming Andre, or cried when "Macho Man" and Elizabeth got married.

I've since discovered that Savage vs Warrior is a lot of fun. I think I'll live.

And as much as people bitch about today's product, in ten years, Little Jimmy Coco is going to be saying "Man...remember CM Punk and John Cena at Money in the Bank? That's what made me a wrestling fan".

My child isn't getting internet time until he starts paying the bill. So you're basically advocating child labour.