Glass Ass: The OFFICIAL JGlass Thread

[Mitch Henessey]

Like I keep telling people, it had to happen sooner or later. I'm ready to be done with college, would be more ready if I had a kickass job to jump into, but I'm not too worried yet. I'm not looking forward to graduation itself, however, as it's going to be me and thousands of my peers stuffed into TD Bank Garden with all our families, sitting in the middle of the building for a few hours as we listen to lackluster speeches. Thank goodness we're not actually walking and getting our names called, I think my class is like, 3000 people or some shit.

When I graduated from high school, our valedictorian used Homer Simpson as an analogy for overcoming adversity during his speech. In all my life, I've never been in one room with so many confused WTF looks at the same time. Plus, the kid was a pretentious hipster douche. It was also really odd, because a girl before him gave a more serious and heartfelt speech about overcoming adversity when her grandmother died.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

I wanted to tell my speach givers to fuck off and hurry up, I had a 30 case of beer waiting for me at home. I didnt need to have a two hour graduation to get my diploma, fucking moms... I want to see you in your cap and gown.. Big deal I slept through 3/4 of highschool, legit. Got a 3.1 and havent done shit with it since, but get a cheep tattoo the month after I graduated, because they had a deal for 2010 grads. You bring in your diploma you get 40% off. How was I supposed to say no?

 

[Барбоса]

Of my three graduations, I gave exactly zero fucks. Even my mum and grandparents were not particularly bothered.

First one was the most traditionally observed one - photos, chin-wagging with people you do not really know or care about and general "you must be so proud" bollocks... for about 20 mins, then I fucked off to my tutors office and had a beer.

The second one was far more slapdash affair - give me my certificate, snap a photo and let's get the fuck out of here.

The third was somewhere in between, except the presenter, who happened to be the vice-dean of the university, asked me the name of my thesis and for a brief/infinite second, I could not remember it.

Wish I had gone to the same university as my sister as she was given her degree certificate by none other than Sir Patrick Stewart...

 

[JGlass]

When I graduated from high school, our valedictorian used Homer Simpson as an analogy for overcoming adversity during his speech. In all my life, I've never been in one room with so many confused WTF looks at the same time. Plus, the kid was a pretentious hipster douche. It was also really odd, because a girl before him gave a more serious and heartfelt speech about overcoming adversity when her grandmother died.

My high school class was really disrespectful during the speeches. We had like, five inflatable beachballs going at the same time and our class was just talking through the whole thing. It got so bad that the principal had to interrupt the Valedictorian's speech and tell us to cut it out. It was a pretty big embarrassment looking back, even if I wasn't one of the kids causing trouble. Thank goodness I managed to go to a college that was like, the TOTAL opposite of my high school.

As for my graduation on Friday... I'm pretty sure the speaker is somebody wholly unimportant. Last year's speaker was Colin Powell, but I heard he wasn't that spectacular. Kind of sucks knowing Noam Chomsky is on the other side of the river and we're getting somebody that nobody cares about.

I wanted to tell my speach givers to fuck off and hurry up, I had a 30 case of beer waiting for me at home. I didnt need to have a two hour graduation to get my diploma, fucking moms... I want to see you in your cap and gown.. Big deal I slept through 3/4 of highschool, legit. Got a 3.1 and havent done shit with it since, but get a cheep tattoo the month after I graduated, because they had a deal for 2010 grads. You bring in your diploma you get 40% off. How was I supposed to say no?

I'm... not sure I get the point you're making here.

Of my three graduations, I gave exactly zero fucks. Even my mum and grandparents were not particularly bothered.

First one was the most traditionally observed one - photos, chin-wagging with people you do not really know or care about and general "you must be so proud" bollocks... for about 20 mins, then I fucked off to my tutors office and had a beer.

High school I assume? I think it's ridiculous that people celebrate high school graduations. Like Phatso said, it's easy to graduate from high school. All you have to do to graduate from high school is not be a waste of life.

The second one was far more slapdash affair - give me my certificate, snap a photo and let's get the fuck out of here.

The third was somewhere in between, except the presenter, who happened to be the vice-dean of the university, asked me the name of my thesis and for a brief/infinite second, I could not remember it.

Wish I had gone to the same university as my sister as she was given her degree certificate by none other than Sir Patrick Stewart...

Well that's awesome. Did he speak, or just broadcast the message with his telepathic power?

My parents offered to throw me a graduation party for college graduation. I declined. I don't know how to feel about graduating really. It's weird to think that the way I've been living my life for 5 years is about to go away completely, but at the same time that's just how life works. Maybe I should have a party just for the fun of it, but I kind of just want to get on with my life at the same time.

 

[Harthan]

I spoke at my graduation (valedictorian). People complimented me afterwards. Mostly because my speech involved kissing the asses of everyone who could possibly be helpful to me at any point later in life.

 

[Thriller Ant]

My parents offered to throw me a graduation party for college graduation. I declined. I don't know how to feel about graduating really. It's weird to think that the way I've been living my life for 5 years is about to go away completely, but at the same time that's just how life works. Maybe I should have a party just for the fun of it, but I kind of just want to get on with my life at the same time.

I wouldn't have had a party, but my brother graduated grade school and one of my sister's graduated high school within a month of me graduating, so there was a combined party. If nothing else, I got a crapload more money than I would have otherwise

 

[JGlass]

I wouldn't have had a party, but my brother graduated grade school and one of my sister's graduated high school within a month of me graduating, so there was a combined party. If nothing else, I got a crapload more money than I would have otherwise

I didn't even think about the gifts. Considering I don't have much money left after college and no job yet, getting some cash considerations for my achievements wouldn't be too bad...

 

[Thriller Ant]

I didn't even think about the gifts. Considering I don't have much money left after college and no job yet, getting some cash considerations for my achievements wouldn't be too bad...

That was the only reason I cared. It was mostly parents of kids that went to school with my siblings. My girlfriend and a couple of my friends just came drove down with me and got drunk. The 600 mile round trip really ate into my profits

 

[FlexAmerican Dynamite]

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[JGlass]

That was the only reason I cared. It was mostly parents of kids that went to school with my siblings. My girlfriend and a couple of my friends just came drove down with me and got drunk. The 600 mile round trip really ate into my profits

It would only be 450 round trip for most of my Boston living friends. That's my only apprehension about having a party, the fact that most of my friends wouldn't be able to come. Lord knows I barely talk to anyone from high school anymore, so unless NJX showed up, I'd possibly be short on friends at my own party. As much as I love my family, I'd rather drink with my friends than my relatives, though seeing a few of my relatives get smashed would be amusing.

 

[Coco]

I'm not upset. Not too excited, but not upset.

Out of curiosity, how would you rate your parenting up to this point?

There's no way I'm going to my graduation ceremony. If I'm going to spend an afternoon lamenting those wasted years, I might as well stay home so that I can drink openly with my shirt off.

 

[JGlass]

Out of curiosity, how would you rate your parenting up to this point?

There's no way I'm going to my graduation ceremony. If I'm going to spend an afternoon lamenting those wasted years, I might as well stay home so that I can drink openly with my shirt off.

Wish I could do the same, or at least just skip out on my ceremony, but my family is going to be there, so I have to be there.

 

[Барбоса]

High school I assume? I think it's ridiculous that people celebrate high school graduations. Like Phatso said, it's easy to graduate from high school. All you have to do to graduate from high school is not be a waste of life.

To my knowledge, very few places in the UK goes in for the whole graduation ceremony nonsense before you get to university level.

Well that's awesome. Did he speak, or just broadcast the message with his telepathic power?

I was not there but she said he spoke and specifically asked her a question when she was receiving her certificate from him.

My parents offered to throw me a graduation party for college graduation. I declined. I don't know how to feel about graduating really. It's weird to think that the way I've been living my life for 5 years is about to go away completely, but at the same time that's just how life works. Maybe I should have a party just for the fun of it, but I kind of just want to get on with my life at the same time.

Having your parents throw such a party would not be a good thing in my opinion. Just go to a bar with a few friends and get wrote off.

 

[Ty Burna]

My parents bought two kegs for my post high school graduation party they put on. To go with said kegs were 7 coolers filled to the brim with beer.

They were making beer runs by 9 pm and had the cops called twice for lighting off fireworks and noise complaints.

 

[JGlass]

So I'm watching Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and I just finished the poker scene. I have some experience with poker, but I have NO fucking clue what rules they were playing. The players get dealt three cards and that's it?

 

[Барбоса]

It's called three card brag.

 

[JGlass]

It's called three card brag.

Just read the rules. The betting part seems complicated, the rest of it seems absurdly simple.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

My parents bought two kegs for my post high school graduation party they put on. To go with said kegs were 7 coolers filled to the brim with beer.

They were making beer runs by 9 pm and had the cops called twice for lighting off fireworks and noise complaints.

The last time I saw about any of my family was for my graduation party, about 200 hillbillys from southern Ohio, Kentucky, and west VA. Kegs and underage drinking were the last of the cops worrys. Ever shoot an r700? My one uncle collects guns, shot his r700, 45, 357 mag, and finaly his auto ak. Tax stamps are an amazing thing, nothing compares to the kick of full fucking auto. Glad we were out aabout ten miles from town. I ddon't think anything goes in his woods still.

 

[Барбоса]

Never fired a gun.

 

[JGlass]

Me neither. I've never really had the desire to either.

 

[Ty Burna]

Damn so much going down this weekend.

Just got my suit today, but I need the pants shortened quite a bit so I gotta hit up the seamstress in town tomorrow. Hopefully a haircut tomorrow. Then Friday I'm going and getting the tattoo I've wanted done since my daughter was born. It's gonna be a rose with her hand prints from when she was born and her name and I'm gonna have it put on my chest over my heart. Saturday is an adult prom themed party (thus the suit) at a bar that we frequent. Sunday is my niece's first Holy Communion.

 

[Ty Burna]

I've shot a 12 gauge once for skeet shooting. Never shot a handgun or anything.

 

[The Crock]

I've never either.

 

[JGlass]

At the risk of jinxing it, it seems like I might be lining up for a job after graduation. I found a listing on a site for New England film careers, and it's a guy doing a start-up advertising company and he needs somebody to be his partner on the creative side of things. He already has a loan and everything, all he needs is somebody to do the creative stuff. Sounds like a pretty exciting opportunity, and if it's successful long term then I could probably find myself high up on the food chain at a nice company.

 

[Blue Chipper]

Never fired a gun.

I've never either.

Indeed; add me to the list.

Me neither. I've never really had the desire to either.

This is how I feel. Exactly.