Disciplinary Action

[TheOneBigWill]

I didn't really see a thread regarding this, but it's been something that's a very touchy subject in today's world. Disciplinary Action, regarding punishment, handed down to your children. Whether that be time outs, groundings, spankings, or any other actions.

The main question I'm asking is, do you feel it's justified to spank your child?

You see when "I" was a child, not only would I get my ass blistered by a hand.. sometimes a switch/tree limb would become involved. Granted I'm happy to report that didn't happen to often because I wasn't the type of child who was that unruly. However the other interesting factor is back when I was a child, in the school system they would have punishment, allowing the principal to paddle you with a wooden paddle if you broke a rule.

Times have greatly changed, and in today's world if you so much as think you might spank your child's butt, even fully clothed, you could see punishment in criminal charges brought up against you. So I ask, what changed? Why were we, adults now, brought up in such a rough environment in which our punishment was a hand to the ass.. yet the children in today's world, arguably even worse than we were as children, barely see any action taken against them at all.

An example. A few weeks back, or longer, I witnessed a child or almost teen possibly, throwing a tantrum in a store because they weren't getting there way. (I'd assume) The Parent did nothing, other than raise their voice and explain they were getting their video games taken away for one week. What does that do, exactly though? I've heard other examples of children, teenagers, etc.. throwning tantrums only to get their cell phones taken away for a couple days.

I remember when cell phones were first being given to children as a protective measure. Now every fucking child above 5 has one, because they need to learn how to text and discover a new language in which we cut letters out of words to send quicker messages to each other in school instead of paying attention to helping them grow up and be smart.

What does taking a cell phone, or a video game away for a limited amount of time do? I'm almost assuming most tantrums are started over a child not getting yet another game, or phone add-on of some kind. So what does taking them away, only to give them back later do? In my mind and opinion, it says to the child.. what you're doing is wrong, right now but you can surely do it again later and the same result will happen.

I know it was a different time.. but one hard hand to my ass sent a strong, clear-cut message to my head saying "Holy shit, that fucking hurt. I did something wrong, I best not fucking do it ever again."

As far as my own Disciplinary Actions toward my child are concerned I'm very proud to say when I raise my voice and my Daughter gets put in a chair, on timeout.. she knows her butt did something wrong, and she knows she isn't moving off that chair until I say so. She sits, whether she's old enough yet to understand fully or not, when she does get down.. I've yet to see her go back to doing what she did wrong in the first place. So obviously, timeouts for young children (or at least, thankfully mine) seem to work.

Yet for the older ones.. I just don't believe taking a game system, or a cell phone/texting ability away from them, is going to teach them a lesson. I'm not saying a hand to the ass is any better and in a lot of ways I'm against that just the same, but it taught me a very fast lesson, and if back then I would've had my Super NES taken away.. it would've never hurt my ass.. so I likely wouldn't of thought as quickly as I did, that I was doing something that should never, EVER, be done again.

So.. what are everyone else's thoughts on Disciplinary Action and what measures are being done, as well as what each of you feel could be changed, or done instead? Spankings? Do you still give them? Do you agree with them?

 

[Crimson Bonez]

Good Thread.

I do think that kids need to get beatings. Kids these days have it easy. No REAL disaplinary (sp) actions taken toward them. I work at Wendy's, and I honestly hate when kids come there. I can't even sit out in the lobby when I go on break, cause how the kids act and the parents don't do anything. I've seen kids run around in there like a play ground playing tag, parents did nothing. We dont have salt shakers in the lobby no more cause kids knock them over, tip them over playing, making pictures with them, throwing it at each other, while the parents just say "Honey, stop that," and they keep right on. I was cleaning the lobby, and saw some kids playing with the ketchup punp, pushing it down on the counter making a mess with no cup or nothing catching it. I told them "Can you not do that," and the Mom looks at me mad cause i said something... while she's standing there watching them.

Let's go to a store scene. Family in the mall, walk past a toy store, "OOHHH, I WANT TOYS LOOK TOYS I WANT TOYS!!!" "Not right now," and you know what's next... the crying, the screaming, the tantrums. And they eventually get what they want. They throw stuff, break stuff, and alls they get is stop it now. Does that work...no.

I'll be 20 yrs old August 9, and I like how I was raised. If I act up, did something bad, it was a spanking if i kept crying it was time out. I didnt like it at the time but seeing how kids are being raised now, im glad. When I was young, it was all about cartoons and games. I use to get mad when I didn't get home in time to watch my cartoons. Then I'd be time to play my games. I started having time frames for playing games. My dad toke advantage of that, when I got in trouble, he'd wait til a show I wanted to watch came on, I'd stand in the corner facing the wall with 1 leg off the ground. If I turned my head, put my foot down or talked, I'd be standing longer. And he'd turn the tv up and watch it, WHILE I'm in timeout. It would be a brand new episode, like pokemon, digimon, TMNT, rugrats, Hey Arnold, the old Saturday Morning cartoons. That was torture. When I did something wrong, I'd get a spanking. Weither it be by hand or belt...or fly swatter. If i was messing with something that I wasn't supose to be, I'd have to hold my hands out and play that slaps game with my dad, but i couldn't hit back, and if i flinched I'd get hit harder. I'd get spankings in the store, restuarants (sp) (in the bathroom though), it didn't matter. And it made me the man I am today.

Now-a-days its, "If you dont stop, you only get 1 cookie... okay 2...okay 4 but that's it." Kids these days run there parents, they got them wrapped around their finger. I actually, LOVE it when I see kids REALLY get disaplined. When I'm doing drive thru, and hear the parents yell at the kids, I love it. Me and my cousin applaud them when they get to the window, "Sir/Madam, I love the way you handle your kids." So IMO I think that kids need to get spankings, they need the belt, they need the corner (sit down at 1st but eventually standing up). And when i have kids, they will be disaplined the right way.

 

[chasingamy]

Good topic Will, one we actually touched on via IM a couple months back.

I was raised as you were. My family believed and practiced the ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ tenet. When I was very little a pop on the hand did the trick. As I got older it was a pop on the bottom or a switch to the back of the thighs (that was granny’s style). I also remember when the principal could paddle a kid. I credit my mother, father, and grandmother for raising me right. I respected my elders and those in authority. I was a pretty good kid though so I can count on one hand the times I felt some physical discipline and never got in any trouble at school.

Now those few times I did get spanked were enough for me to learn how to behave appropriately but most importantly understand that I couldn’t and wouldn’t always get what I wanted. That’s a lesson kids today just aren’t getting. I’m sorry but most kids are “heathens” as my granny would say. I can’t tell you how many I’ve been in public and seen children having tantrums or ruling their parents and I’ve said I’m SO glad they aren’t mine.

I’ll admit to giving my daughter a swat on the bottom with my hand (I don’t believe in using a belt or switch). Generally, she’s a good kid so she only gets a pop on the bum 3 or 4 times a year. Usually a verbal warning is all that’s needed. My daughter’s even stopped and looked at the misbehaving kids like they were crazy.

What burns me up are people that feel spanking is a CRIME. And what’s scary is that technically by law you could be reported for physical abuse. There is a line between child abuse and discipline that people NEED to realize. Beating your kid with enough force to knock them down or to the point you leave bruises (or worse) is an entirely different thing than giving a mild pop on the bum that stings for maybe 5 seconds.

I can’t quite pinpoint when the attitude change towards discipline happened. I think it’s has to do with the fact that nowadays both parents are working, we don’t spend much quality time with our kids, we’re so rushed and stressed it’s easier to let the TV and video games do the raising and just let the kids do/get what they want, plus we think it makes us so much “better” or progressive to talk/reason with our kids like they’re little adults.

 

[HBK-aholic]

The problem with it is where to draw the line. It's such a hazy line that it seems better just to do away with it. I mean, where do you stop at 'disciplining' your child? What is deemed acceptable and what isn't? I mean, some people hate the idea of lightly hitting a child. Others think that's okay as long as it's not too hard. Then there are people who think it's fine to beat their child to the brink of death.

Personally, I'd rather 1000 families not allowed to hit their child at all, than for it to be okay and for 1 child to die from a beating.

Many dislike the idea of hitting a child as it shows them violence is okay, and this is something I agree with. If a child grows up around parents who think it's okay to hit their child when they do something wrong, the child gets it in their head violence is okay at some stage. I grew up with a family who don't hit their children, as they don't need to resort to it. I think parents that feel the need to hit their child every day alsmot aren't doing a very good job at parenting. That's my opinion on the matter.

 

[Crimson Bonez]

Many dislike the idea of hitting a child as it shows them violence is okay, and this is something I agree with. If a child grows up around parents who think it's okay to hit their child when they do something wrong, the child gets it in their head violence is okay at some stage. I grew up with a family who don't hit their children, as they don't need to resort to it. I think parents that feel the need to hit their child every day alsmot aren't doing a very good job at parenting. That's my opinion on the matter.

I have to disagree with this. I was disaplined by getting spankings and time-outs in the corner. All of my Brothers and Sisters did, and none of us thought violence was good, that violence was okay. We did something wrong or something we wasn't sapose to and something I'd be a spanking/time-out, that told us don't do it agin....or don't get caught. Because we knew the consiquences. My father raised me very well, and that helped me become the man I am today. My mother cheated on my dad and had another while while he was away, and that child is spoiled. He's 9 i think now or 10, and he gets whatever he wants. He runs that woman. A point that disapline works, he's 9 or 10 ad still pisses on hiself. When he was 6 i think I got tired of it and he started standing in the corner. 3 days later he stoped, and was perfectly fine. About a month later, he heard my mom coming and ran in the corner while I was sleeping and she came in mad "why is he in the corner, I don't even put him in the corner!!!" After that day, he started pissing himself agin, and still is to this day. He didn't want to stand in the corner, so he stoped pissing... that's disapline.

There are kids these days that do what ever they want and all they get is a stop it and they just keep doing it. The kids are running their parents and it shouldn't be that way. THOSE are the parents that I aren't doing a good job at parenting.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

You don't need to spank a child. If you have control then a simple ''Be quiet'' will suffice. I've never hit my girl I don't need to. Like most children she can be naughty. But because of the way I've bought her up I don't need to shout at her I just give her a look most of the time.

Hitting a child won't shut them up. It'll make them cry more. You are physically hurting them and mentally upseting them. It's pointless.

I used to know a parent who gave her child a Chinese Burn. I honestly don't get why you'd hurt a child to control them.

 

[RBH]

Some kids will know how to control a parent so this question arises. I personally do not have children but I do have two niece and the worst I have done is slap their wrist. I let them know that what they did was wrong. The worst we do is threaten to hit them but we do not actually do it.

But the best thing to do is take away their toys and put them in the corner. The worst cases of children acting out is when they do it in public. Then you have people who think that you are a bad parent. The best thing you can do is tell them that they cannot have a treat that they usually have. You also could ground them.

It all depends on the age group as well. My nieces are 3 and 2 respectively. Isabella (3) and Cassie (2). Izzy talks a lot. She talks back a lot. The worst thing she does is say "NO" and "I DON WANNA". Getting her to eat is difficult so we tell her that she has to eat her food (being it chicken or whatever is for lunch or dinner) or she will not get a treat (in Izzy's case, KIT KAT). Cassie eats everything but she never lets us feed her and in turn makes a mess, so we sometimes have to force it in her mouth. She is still too young to understand that she should not make messes.

Isabella also knows that she should not push her sister or else she is gonna get sent to the corner for bad behavior. Isabella also knows that if she does anything out of turn, she will not be able to come to Grandma's house (my house).

Basically, as long as ur not freaking abusing the kid, a little slap on the wrist is not so bad. It sends the message that they cannot just walk all over you and that you are in charge. Yelling at them does not always work as they just ignore you.

 

[klunderbunker]

To me, spanking should be allowed, but it should only be used in moderation. While I can see the argument that spanking could teach children to hit if overused, when used in the right situations it can work effectively. I don't think it should be the first thing that should be done though. First of all, I'd think a parent should start by trying to merely explain to their child why what they did was wrong. If a young child has never been told that something is wrong, they have no reason to assume it is. Why should they be physically punished for that? A simple No seems like it would work perfectly here. However, if a child continues to do the same thing over and over again, then perhaps discipline is in order. By giving negative reinforcement to an action can make the connection for the child that something they're doing isn't right. If it's overdone though, it losses it's effectiveness. Also, it needs to be followed up on. If you simply do it, then do nothing else, it holds no meaning. Overall, it can work, but only in moderation.

 

[Dark Blaze]

Corporeal punishment, always a touchy subject....and like Becca said the problem with it is where to draw the line. Where I'm from, it is very much practiced, however I have laid eyes to it in excess and the consequences which come out from it. Some parents use it as an excuse to vent some of their frustration onto their children which causes a great level of resentment, embarrassment and the potential for much for serious offenses to occur. So if it is to be used, it has to be in moderation, a slap on the wrist when younger, nothing too serious, just has to get the point across.

However, I believe that with the correct parenting, it is virtually unnecessary, as in my case at home, and look how I turned out (lol) .Anyway, the main problem with this is that sometimes, a child particularly teenagers can take advantage of their parents knowing that they won't get anything more than a scolding, or the taking away of privileges which spurs them to misbehave at times.

 

[NYSandman]

Why punish your kids when you don't give a shit about them? Usually, mom is too busy on her cellphone to watch her 25 kids properly, and dad is...well, who knows.

Firstly, it has become financially beneficial to have kids. Man, I can get 500 a month from the state for each unit I pop out? Cool!

I'm not letting dad off the hook either. Condoms are cheap, dad, and often free. Buy some.

But, getting back on topic, I believe spankings are fine, whether they be bare-assed or through the undies. I don't believe in hitting a kid in the face, and never with anything other than an open palm. But, I've seen parents scream until red in the face to no avail. There are no consequences behind screaming.

Also, laws have become rediculous now, where you can't spank your kid in public without being investigated.

This may sound harsh, but I think parents do, in some ways, OWN their children until they are 18. This means you should be able to use any punishment you wish, as long as it doesn't break any bones or cause long term effects.

People in their 40s and 50s, who got their asses whipped as kids, generally turn out all right. Smacking a kid's ass a few times isn't going to turn him into a serial killer.

And, some kids are very strong willed. Yelling won't work.

Older kids, like teenagers, REALLY need to have their asses kicked, and I believe a lot more severely than preteens. A 14 year old can certainly withstand a light punch to the face when caught with drugs or caught stealing. Let dad beat his ass.

However, because we are so obsessed with trinkets, taking away a cellphone or video game system probably will work.

I don't have any kids, so this is the limit of my opinions on the subject.

 

[Sparky]

Why punish your kids when you don't give a shit about them? Usually, mom is too busy on her cellphone to watch her 25 kids properly, and dad is...well, who knows.

I dont know where the hell you live but not many parents are like that at all. only a few amount of people dont look after their kids. Most do.

Firstly, it has become financially beneficial to have kids. Man, I can get 500 a month from the state for each unit I pop out? Cool!

Are you insane?! $500 a month for having the kid is fuck all bearing in mind you have to buy everything for them your guareenteed to spend more then that a month on the stuff you need for the kids and the wellbeing of your family.

I'm not letting dad off the hook either. Condoms are cheap, dad, and often free. Buy some.

So your suggestion to disciplining naughty children is to not have them? Right if that was the case what happens in 50 years time when the human population becomes extinct.? This is completly off topic.

and never with anything other than an open palm.

I was brought up with a jug cord. as long as its just on the arse its ok. the kids need to be punished if they do something wrong. and if its really bad they deserve a worse punishment.

But, I've seen parents scream until red in the face to no avail. There are no consequences behind screaming.

Of course kids learn to block it out its easy to distract yourself rom someone yelling at you. Yelling at your kids is a waste of time.

Also, laws have become rediculous now, where you can't spank your kid in public without being investigated.

Here it is illegal to do it full stop. its completly illegal even in your own house. its bullshit and should be legal but...

This may sound harsh, but I think parents do, in some ways, OWN their children until they are 18. This means you should be able to use any punishment you wish, as long as it doesn't break any bones or cause long term effects.

Hold up hold up. didnt you just say it was ok as long as it was just on the arse with nothing more then your hand? make up your mind. YOu dont own anybody. your responsible for raising them into respected adults. and if that involves discipline thats ok but only on the arse. yeah how dare you break that vase im going to now punch you in the head 25 times. it wont work like that.

Older kids, like teenagers, REALLY need to have their asses kicked, and I believe a lot more severely than preteens.

but if raised properly when they arte young they wont need to worry about it in the teenage years. becouse they will know right from wrong.

A 14 year old can certainly withstand a light punch to the face when caught with drugs or caught stealing. Let dad beat his ass.

Not that rough. a spanking with a belt yes but not full on punches that wont work. it will make the kid scared of the father and will backfire completley causing the kid to do it over and over again eventually causing harm to his self.

However, because we are so obsessed with trinkets, taking away a cellphone or video game system probably will work.

Parents these days are way to soft. the kids know that you ban them from something and they will scream the house down until they give in wich they always do. that wont work at all.

 

[NYSandman]

Very valid points. Where do I live? I live in America, in New York City, and I would not make a comment unless I've seen it. A LOT OF PARENTS DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THEIR KIDS! I've seen it time and time again. Letting the kids run out in traffic, ride the subway alone at 8 years old and not bothering to teach their child anything, plopping them in front of the "electronic baby sitter" and letting it be.

I don't have time to argue the rest of your points, all of which are valid and intelligent. I'm not being rude, but I honestly don't have time, stopwatch wise. But, I will always argue that in today's society, at least, shamefully, in MY society, a lot of parents suck terribly and should not have children.

If you have kids Sparky, you're probably a good parent, as I can tell by your post. But, don't assume that all parents are as loving or caring or responsible as you are. If you had great parents, you are fortunate. I invite you to hang out with me 'round these parts and see how some parents let their little beasties behave.