Disciplining your children

[The Doctor]

There is a fairly large difference between beating the bejeezus out of your child and giving them a swat on the bottom when they've done something really bad.

All my life, I have been disciplined through both groundings and the occasional slap on the wrist. Yes, my parents spanked me. They spanked me if I did something really, really bad.

I have an excellent relationship with both my parents. I love them very much, and they love me. I do not become a quivering jelly around them, nor do I fear them in the ways people in this thread are saying children will fear parents. I don't fight, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never been to a party, I am for all intents and purposes a good kid.

Anyone who thinks my parents are bad parents because they spanked me from time to time are wrong, pure and simple. I have seen many types of families whose discipline methods range from ridiculous to none at all, and I can say that my family is one of the healthiest families I know.

However, as Big Sexy said earlier in the thread, different children respond to different forms of discipline. Perhaps grounding with the occasional spank was the right thing for me. Perhaps another child will only respond to physical punishment while another will find grounding or stern talkings-to the worst punishments in the world.

All I know if my personal experience. And in my personal experience, a spank here and there works and isn't going to emotionally scar your child forever and always. That's just stupid.

 

[The Phenomenal One]

All these people who think that there is ONE way to discipline all children are fooling themselves. Every kid responds differently to different kinds of discipline. Some kids respond to being spanked, some to being grounded, some to having certain items or privileges taken away. As a parent you have to figure out what is best for YOUR kid. There isn't one universal way to discipline every kid that works. When you find something that works, use it.

I've studied this time and time again in my Psychology classes and I have to agree with Big Sexy. There is no universal way of disciplining a child. Children are human beings. And as human beings, we all respond to things differently.

Now, I will say that (and this is just my opinion) parents need to do a better job of getting on their kids. And no I don't mean just whoopin b/c that doesn't always work. It just seems that in today's society, kids do so much shit nowadays. Some of the shit they do, are things that I would have never had the balls to do. Things like cussing at your parents, stealing from them, hitting them, ect. No, it's not every kid out there. But its enough. Could parents being younger and younger play a role in this? Could there be a correlation? Personally, I think it plays a role. But that's for another thread at another time.

Now I remember growing up, I had my fair share of ass whoopins by my Mother and Grandmother lol. My Mama and Grandma don't play. No, I didn't get beat within an inch of my life but I still got those ass whoopins. And no I didn't grow up "scarred" or anything like that.

 

[Schizophrenic]

Here's my two cents on most of the topics here.

One or two spanks on the butt is not beating your child! Doing it over and over and over in one sitting then sure I can see why that would be considered beating. Myself, when I cated up I would get a smack on the bottom once or twice and I'm a fine person. I have repsect and I would like to consider myself an upstanding citizen of society. My little nephew is the same way. He acts up, gets a swat on the butt and he stops. Some kids are like that, orthers are not. No two people are the same.

You are NOT a bad parent if you believe in spanking. Anyone who tells you you are a bad parent for it is in total dilusion and thinks they are the end all be all of parenting. If you don't hit your child and they are not acting up and are good kids, congrats you are doing your job and making them happy. Doesn't mean your method is the only method.

I've noticed a pattern here. People who are ok with spanking are trying to defend their oppinions while those who don't are seeingly trying to accuse others and not defend their own...wonder why that is.

I will add a story. Myself and my step brothers were spanked as children (no more than one or two at a time) and we have learned respect and how to act. We know how to behave in public. The three of us went to a movie once and these two guys (trying to impress their dates that looked like skeletons & drugg addicts) kept talking and talking, so my younger brother told them to keep quiet. They made a remark back to which my older brother replied, "were you ever spanked as a child?" The guy said "Hell no!" And all he said back was "No wonder you think you can do whatever you want." Later on the guy started picking a fight with my older brother calling him every name in the book. We walked away but they followed us untl the guy shoved my brother into a car. My brother gave him fair warning but when he got shoved again he clocked himint he jaw. What did the guy do? He got up and started saying "Im sorry man, I was just messing. I was kidding around." Then took off.....Anyone else see my point?

I'm not saying every kid is like this, but this kid obviously thought he was the shit because he never got disciplined and thought he could do anything he wanted. He met someone tougher than him and he smartened up and straightened his act up real quick. Should you hit your kid in the face? Probably not, unless like anotehr situation sated before the kid was mouthing off to his mom in front of his friends. A little smack in the mouth I can understand since the guy would have gotten punched out if he was on the street.

Once again, this way of believing is not the only way of doing things, but neither is not spanking your child. You don't do it? Fine but do not come up to me and tell me im a bad parent if I do.

 

[Razor]

How do you/would you do this?

I would really rather not beat my children, thanks. Or spank them. I would hope that I can come up with more imaginative punishments. Like, for instance:

Prima: Hey, Dad.
Secunda: Yes, son?
Prima: I got an-
Tertiary: Hey, honey.
Secunda: Yes, wife of mine?
Tertiary: I was wondering what you would like for dinner.
Secunda: Hamburgers sound awesome. I'll go get the grill. Oh, sorry son. What were you saying?

Prima: Well dad, I got an-
Tertiary: Hey honey, what do you think of...

And that will go on until my son or daughter realizes just how annoying it is to repeatedly be interrupted when he's talking. So then he won't interrupt adults or talk when teachers are talking. See what I mean?

Were you given a ol' school ass whooping as a child, or whatever else? How would you handle a child discipline wise?

I was beeeat as a child. And, honestly, all it did was make me afraid of my mom. Not "oh, I better not steal because my mom will spank me." but "Oh shit, please don't tell my mom I was talking in class. She will hurt me." My mom was a scary woman.

But I understand that's not the norm. I, however, still wouldn't like the idea of spanking my child. Just seems too violent for me.

 

[Baller]

I believe in the non violence discipline, but punishing them by taking away a favorite possession. A spanking doesn't do anything but hurt a kid, and no child deserves to be hit, no matter what the offense is.

By taking away their phone, computer, etc. it takes away something they need to have and have to need, that it makes them behave and correct their mistakes so they can get their belonging back.

 

[People's Champ]

I know I'm late on this but I firmly believe in spanking your child when needed. I have a 4 year old son and I spank him when needed. That doesn't mean everytime he does something wrong he gets it, but there are times when it works. I usually do the taking of the toys away, timeout (I hate the timeout shit but whatever), no TV. But when that doesn't work a spanking does the job. He understands that I wasn't playing and the situation is over.

The thing that needs to be understood tho is that just spanking them and saying don't do that isn't enough. After each spanking I always make sure to tell him I love him, explain why he got spanked and he usually smiles after and moves on. I haven't had the same problems anymore. When he's about to do something that he shouldn't do, I use a firm voice and let him not to it he doesn't. Spankings works and serve as a reminder so next time he acts up or whatever he remembers that it hurt and he doesn't do it.

And my child is not scared of me. I would say I'm the one to discipline my son more than my wife and he always turns to me first in everything. When he needs something or wants something he comes to me. When he's hurt or scared he comes to me. So I know spanking isn't scaring him for life.

If your worried about violence, instead of blaming spankings, maybe you should look at what your kids watch or play. If they are watching violent movies, playing violent video games, maybe that's the problem. I doubt a spanking once in a while when needed causes violent children.