The Dwight Shrute Thread.

[Scotty]

"When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby." -Dwight Shrute

For all you Dwight Shrute fans.

 

[Kanye South]

The fuck is a Dwight Shrute?

 

[pyrusane]

The fuck is a Dwight Shrute?

^ This

 

[Cookie]

In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.

 

[Scotty]

The greatest paper salesman know to man and bear alike...

 

[pyrusane]

Ah, ok...he's on the Office, yah? Seen a couple of episodes, mildly entertaining...

 

[Coco]

Played.

Out.

 

[Via Armbar]

I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...

 

[Scotty]

No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys, who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

 

[Jane]

I love Dwight.

 

[Cookie]

No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys, who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

Also Hiro from Heroes.

 

[Mantaur Rodeo Clown]

I am not only hoping to find the culprit of this heinous crime, I am praying to find this heinous culprit. And I will pray to Thor himself to find him.

 

[INDYjon22]

Bears. Beats. Battlestar Gallactica.

That is all.

 

[Papa Shango]

I love The Office. Here are some of my favorite Dwight quotes.

In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, 'Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead.' Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis....Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

 

[Scotty]

Dwight Shrute may be one of the most easily quoted men on TV today.

 

[Papa Shango]

And for good reason.

Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan’s been bitching out on him. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.

 

[Scotty]

Everyone Loves Dwight

I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.

 

[The Dewbliners]

BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY!

 

[Papa Shango]

I dunno why they bother using a cold open with anyone besides Dwight.

When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is.. "Something Weird Is Going On...colon...What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story...by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute."

 

[Scotty]

Dwight=all kinds of awesome.

Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

 

[The Dewbliners]

He shines in dialogue as well:

Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.

Dwight= My TV hero.

 

[Scotty]

Michael Scott: I was on a hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight...
Dwight Schrute: Really? We don't have any girls in HR.
Michael Scott: You know for the sake of the story...and things were getting hot and heavy...
Dwight Schrute: Yeah!
Michael Scott: And I was about to take her bra off...
Dwight Schrute: Yeah!
Michael Scott: And she made me fill out six hours worth of paperwork.
Dwight Schrute: Like an AIDS test?
Michael Scott: No. God, Dwight...