SEWF - Stupidity Ensues Wrestling Federation

[The Doctor]

THERRRRRRRREE HEERRRRRRRRRREEEEEE

 

[Super Hans]

Its all about conserving energy for the next round folks.

 

[The Crock]

Promo #2
SSC

[YOUTUBE]MfVDicnvnFc[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes that cannabis lovin' sumbitch, Smooth Sexual Chocolate.

SSC walks to the ring, a billowing cloud of smoke follows him all the way to the ring.

SSC: Now look folks, I plan on winning my match here tonight against Deej. Deej is a twat. He'll probably PM Crock asking to win this match, but it won't work. I will win no matter what.

Crock: That man speaks the truth.

SSC: I want to make this next match special though... a Weed-Off. Whoever can sell the most weed in the next hour out of Deej and I wins. And if you're not down with that... I've got two words for ya: That's alright.

 

[The Crock]

Match #10
Deej vs SSC
Weed-Off

The match starts with no entrance music, in the ring there is a huge table covered in weed. The object of the match is to sell as much weed as possible.

Crock: HEY! SSC! Uhh... can I have a bag?

SSC, being the cool cat that he is, goes and sells as much as he can to those who need it most. I.E. those with Sandy Vaginas. Deej on the other hand is trying to sell all of his weed at once. Deej finds a buyer, all the way at the top of the stadium. He's getting frantic now.

Crock: OH NO! If Deej gets to that man he'll win the match, SSC can't sell that much weed in this short of an amount of time!

Deej gets to the top of the stadium, but it was all a setup. At the top of the stadium stands Lee, taser in hand. Deej tries to back away, he gets to the railing, and Lee tases him. Deej falls all the way to the ring, instantly dying. SSC wins by DQ.

Crock: FUCK YEAH!

 

[Super Hans]

I will loathe myself for using this emoticon as only ******s and kids use it on here

 

[The People's Peep]

Holy fuck this is incredible

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

 

[The Crock]

Match #11
IC vs Luther vs TDigs
The King of The Cage

Crock: Ok, so as you can see, we're not in the arena at this point. We're here, at a pool. The man that wins the following contest is The King of The Cage. They will all try to hold their breath for as long as possible, the last one up is the winner.

3... 2... 1... The men go under. Nothing but bubbles for 30 seconds, we then see Luther begin to struggle a bit, but he has it under control. Right as Luther is about to come up Doc comes out and hits a cannonball into the pool right next to him. They begin to brawl all over the kiddie pool and into the locker rooms. Luther knocks Doc out when Doc gets distracted by a pair of female breasts in the Women's Locker Room.

Crock: Only two men left!

IC comes up after lasting 3 and a half minutes, a formidable contest.

Crock: YOUR WINNER... TDIGS!

Both men pull TDigs out of the water, proclaiming him the winner, TDigs doesn't seem to be moving though...

 

[goodlay]

The match starts, Hans puts his finger out and pokes GD, GD goes down for the three count. Vince Russo, Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, Jeff Hardy, and Disco Inferno join them in the ring. It was a screwjob.

SEWF > All wrestling promotions

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

Someone should give Tdigs some CPR.

 

[The Crock]

Promo #3
The Crock

Crock: Ladies and gentleman, welcome back to the Idiot Zone, SEWF's exclusive arena. We have made a change. Tonight's tournament will conclude right after the jump, in a FATAL FOURWAY MATCH for the vacant SEWF WHC. Replacing me on commentary will be the team of Dave and Noah.

 

[The Crock]

MAIN EVENT (Match #12)
Crock vs Jose vs Chilli vs Hans
Fatal Fourway

Ok, Main Event killed itself. Edited itself. NorCal, a surprise entrant won the belt.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

Stupid Noah...

 

[The Crock]

My internet is going crazy again. Can someone multi-quote the entire show, make it easier for folks to read really.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

You kinda deleted the whole last match, Crock.

 

[Dr. Stinger A. Zoidberg]

[YOUTUBE]MK6TXMsvgQg[/YOUTUBE]

SEWF​

Crock: Welcome to SEWF, folks. This is our debut show, and if my assumptions are correct... our very last show. Let's make it one heck of a farewell show, huh?

Crock: We're sponsored by TNA:

Total Nonstop Action!

Our first match is coming up after the jump, Doc vs Ferbian II!! This time will be special though, there will be a... stipulation.

Match #1
Doc vs Ferbian
Virginity on a Pole Match

Crock: Well, here we go! Hell of a match we're gonna have here. This is one of the greatest... err... feuds of all time. Here comes Doc!

[YOUTUBE]OI-LFxf9oB0[/YOUTUBE]​

Doc struts down to the ring in a Scott Pilgrim t-shirt and a pair of firetruck pajamas. His mom is following him down the aisle with a bib in her hand.

Crock: Well, this will certainly be an interesting match. I've never witnessed a "Virginity on a Pole Match", but I guess we'll see what happens.

[YOUTUBE]29-VNOlN-UA[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes our resident Dane, Ferboner FERBIAN!

Ferbs struts down to the ring, extremely confidently.

Crock: Ok, so the object of the match is to take that box, labeled Virginity, off the pole. I don't really know why or how... but somebody will win. I think.

The match gets started, Ferbian takes control right away. They now seem to be talking in the corner, not really doing much wrestling.

Crock: Now, what in the name of... WHAT IS THIS?! This isn't a match, this is pathetic!

The crowd is chanting "POP HIS CHERRY, clap clap clapclapclap."

Doc seems to be getting irritated now, you can clearly hear him yelling, "HE HAD NO RIGHT TO CLOSE MY THREAD!!! THAT WAS A GREAT THREAD!!"

Crock: Maybe this will lead to some action? Probably not... Hold on, who's that?!

Here come two masked figures... they absolutely beat down Ferbs and Doc with stiff loaves of French Bread and get out of the ring.

Crock: Well... that match was just plain... terrible. Oh look at that, now the masked men are posing. Great!

Crock: Let's hope the next match isn't this much of a suckfest.

Crock: I don't know what match is coming next, we're not quite organized. I promise it won't suck that bad... I hope. Why didn't I just take Russo's offer and work for TNA?

Promo #1
Blue Cardinal

Crock: Here comes Blue, his Titantron seems to be working fine, but no music. Hopefully, we can get that sorted out. Don't bet on it.

Blue runs to the ring at full speed, grabs a mic, and starts his rant... Err... Promo.

Blue: I plan on winning the SEWF World Heavyweight Championship tonight. Nobody will get in my way. No virgin, no moderator, NOBODY will stop me.

Blue pulls out a gun and shoots into the backstage area.

Blue: I challenge TPP to a shootout. Whoever survives advances to the next round of the Championship Tourney.

Some random woman, carrying a sandwich in one hand, whispers something to Blue.

Blue: Hahahahahahaha. I have the win locked up.

Takes a bite of the sandwich, walks away.

Match #2
Noah vs Milenko vs Jose vs Madness
Fatal Fourway - WHC Tourney

[YOUTUBE]yMpsttlXye8[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: That must be Noah. Oh wouldn't know ya know it.

Out comes Noah, being followed to the ring by his manager J-Dogg.

Crock: Here comes Milenko, Juggalos don't get entrance music.

Milenko walks down to the ring, looking as stupid as ever.

Crock: Hey Milenko, your rep is all red bars now. (Some people won't get that joke.) Haha

[YOUTUBE]KXnz-64n4t4[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here's the obvious favorite in this match. (Take a clue, he'll win.) JOSE!

Jose trots to the ring, sombrero on his head, taco in one hand.

[YOUTUBE]wxp3zqIqO68[/YOUTUBE]
​

Crock: Here comes Sound of Madness. He doesn't seem to understand what people say, he's an idiot.

The match starts. Immediately Noah gets kicked out of the match because his parents thought the match was too suggestive. Sound of Madness falls asleep on the outside of the ring. Looks like a one on one match now. Jose takes some Sazon Goya and throws it into Milenko's eyes.

Crock: This is what I like to see. A Juggalo rolling around on the floor, crying.

Jose proceeds to take a dead corpse from under the ring, Katie Vick.... I think. He then, for no reason at all, puts her back under the ring and covers Milenko for the 3 Count.

Crock: What a match! Jose advances to the next round.

Match #3
Blue Cardinal vs The People's Peep
Shootout

Crock: I'm really looking forward to this match. Blue is a homicidal, genocidal, homicidal, genocidal maniac. TPP on the other hand... Well... Yeah.

[YT]O_PwTGK4iwc[/YT]​

Crock: Well here comes Blue, and who is that he's dragging... HOLY SHIT IT'S TPP! It's a bloodied TPP. What the hell is the meaning of this?!

Blue saunters down to the ring, dragging poor TPP behind him. Blue grabs a mic.

Blue: I don't think that... Abiding by the rules is very fun. I'm better than you all, or so I think, and I love being a cunt. So, now, I'm going to end TPP.

Blue takes the gun... Shoots TPP. He starts walking away when TPP gets him in a roll up pin!

Crock: This isn't that kind of a match! What is TPP doing?!

The ref signals for a DQ!

Crock: Blue advances to the next round by DQ. What a disgusting display by TPP... HE ACTUALLY WENT FOR THE PIN!!

Match #4
Dave vs Armbar
Custody of Fedor Emelianenko Match

[YOUTUBE]vHj0etrp4hY[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes the man the myth the legend, DAVE!

Dave walks to the ring in a kilt. That's all I got.

[YOUTUBE]9L4Zx-zYd8c[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Armbar! I've been waiting for this match for a while now.

The match starts. Armbar, dressed in full MMA gear, rocks Dave with a right hand. Dave falls to the ground, Armbar jumps right in... but it was a trap. Dave makes Armbar tap out... via armbar.

Crock: Dave has custody of Fedor!

Match #5
Angel vs Stinger
Rep-a-thon

Crock: Welcome back to SEWF, folks. Right now we're looking forward to a hell of a match. Angel vs Stinger. Who'll win? Who'll finally reign supreme over his opponent? Time to find out. This rivalry has gone on for a long time, truth be told it's just a lot of sandy vaginas in my opinion... no point to it, but what the hell.

[YOUTUBE]ZIPfQ-HtYeM&[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes our first competitor, Angel! He seems to be in a great mood today.

Angel calmly walks to the ring, ready as ever.

[YOUTUBE]Ze64bkC3K1E[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Stinger. Peculiar music choice, he seems to be yelling that this isn't the song he chose. Oh well.

Stinger walks to the ring, by his side is his loyal companion SpoodBeest or Dave Jr. or Dave's Bitch. Whatever.

Crock: Now this match isn't your everyday, regular ol' match. No sir. The competitors must first pin/submit their opponent, then climb the ladder which leads to the laptop suspended above the ring... BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! When they get the laptop they must red rep their opponent to pick up the win.

The bout begins and right out of the gate Angel is pummeling the living shit out of Stinger. Stinger has no choice but to crawl out of the ring, but there is no countout or DQ... so Angel follows and proceeds to beat the shit out of him with a steel chair.

Crock: This isn't looking too good for Stinger, he's already looking like he can't take anymore punishment.

They keep going, and finally Stinger mounts some offense. He manages to get Angel into the ring, into the corner where he tries to go for the Stinkface, but unfortunately he misses.

Crock: How do you miss such a simple move?! Busch League!

Angel kicks Stinger in the nuts and goes for the pin, 1... 2... KICK OUT.

Crock: I didn't expect Stinger to kick out there, good for him... I guess?

Angel proceeds to climb to the turnbuckle where he does a headbutt off of it right onto Stinger's crotch.

Crock: Get the tables, D-Von! No wait...

Angel then continually kicks away at Stinger's junk, goes for the pin: 1... 2... 3!

Crock: He got him! But it's not over yet!

SpoodBeest jumps into the ring and starts icing Stinger's cock, giving him a hell of a pep talk as well. Out of nowhere Stinger gets a roll up pin on Angel, 1... 2... 3...!

Crock: What the fuck?! What is this shit?! It's tied now, the first man to get that laptop and hand out the rep wins.

Stinger and Angel are now trading punches back an forth, neither man will go down. Angel hits yet ANOTHER low blow on Stinger and gets out of the ring to get something from underneath the ring.

Crock: That looks like a six pack of beer... Why the hell does he want that?

Angel spills beer after beer all over Stinger, Stinger flips out and runs to the backstage area.

Crock: I've just received word that Stinger lives a "Straight Edge Lifestyle", so he will not be finishing this match... His replacement is SpoodBeest.

By the time all that had gone down Angel had already unhooked the laptop on top of the ladder, but SpoodBeest knocked him in the back of the head with the ring bell.

Crock: SPOOD IS GONNA WIN IT FOR STINGER!

Spood finds the latest Angel post, hits rep... BUT HE GIVES ANGEL GREEN BY ACCIDENT!

Crock: What a mistake by Spood, he has to try to spread now!

Spood gives countless others rep, Dave first of course, he finally thinks he has spread enough. He gets to another Angel post... But he has given away too much rep in the last 24 hours.

Crock: ........HAHAHAHAHAHA

Spood leaves the ring, crying, leaving Angel by himself. Angel regains consciousness and red reps Stinger.

Crock: Angel has picked up the win. This feud is FINALLY over!

Match #6
SNS vs Muffin Top vs HHHeartbreak vs FunKay vs JGKU vs Riaku
6-Man Battle Royal

Crock: This was going to be the dark match, but whatever. Whoever wins the match gets a shot at the WCW Cruiserweight Tag Team Championships... BY HIMSELF.

Crock: The rules are pretty simple, it's an Under the Bottom Rope Battle Royal. The competitors are already in the ring, so here we go!

Riaku tosses SNS, Muffin Top, and FunKay over the top rope. He slides under the bottom rope to sign an autograph for Shittered Dreams and eliminates himself. All the others are safe.

Crock: That's quite an unfortunate loss for Riaku, but at least he still has Hulk Hogan in TNA.

SNS baseball slides into FunKay as he's coming back in, under the bottom rope, eliminating him. Muffin Top slides in and out, thinking it is a regular match, he tried resetting the ten count but eliminated himself.

Crock: Your SEWF Superstars ladies and gentleman.

JGKU trips HHHeartbreak and slides him under the bottom rope, but he gets tangled up and pulled down as well. SNS is the last man standing.

Crock: SNS is the new number one contender for the WCW Cruiserweight Tag Team Championships. He'll most likely never get a shot at them, but whatever.

SNS pulls two 7 year old girls from the crowd and takes them backstage with him.

Crock: Where's Chris Hansen when you need him?

Match #7
CH David vs Megatron
World Heavyweight Championship Tourney

[YOUTUBE]NoKn7vkSMBc[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Chilli, with two supremely hot pieces of ass. No, they are not the two 7 year olds SNS had with him. No no no.

[YOUTUBE]Y1BFfTf8MNE&[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: There's [Insert generic Detroit sportsman nickname here].

Megatron walks to the ring in a Lions jersey and a paper bag over his head.

Random White Text
Crock: Here we go!

Chilli and Megatron lockup in the middle of the ring. Chilli hits a scoop slam and follows it up with a leg drop.

Crock: Brother! Chillimania...

Chilli pounds away on Megatron on the ground, Megatron gets an eye gouge and stands back up.

Crock: That's just plain dirty.

Megatron hits a DDT, follows it up with an elbow from the top. Goes for a pin, 1... KICK OUT! Chilli "Hulks Up", and takes Megatron down with a clothesline. Then he stomps all over Megatron's body.

Crock: Great offense by Chilli, wait who's that coming from under the ring?!

A disgruntled Riaku hits the referee with a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, then lays out Chilli. He walks away with an angry look on his face, he's late to work.

Crock: That's not right?!?! Also, that was my order!

Megatron goes to the top rope to hit his finisher, but Stormtrooper interferes and hits a huge Superplex. He yells at Megatron, "MARK SANCHEZ IS A GOOD QUARTERBACK!!"

Crock: No comment.

Chilli comes to, covers Megatron, the referee barely counts to three. Chilli advances.

Crock: YES! Chilli wins it!

Match #8
Theo vs KB
Triple H vs Shelton Benjamin Match

[YOUTUBE]vpcIsH4VhpU[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Theo!

Theo trots to the ring in a Chase Utley jersey, beer in one hand... microwavable burrito in the other.

[YOUTUBE]2MfUHAtEkGU&[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes one half of the Tag Team Champions, accompanied by his partner Sly, KB! His mighty admin-ness is the favorite in this match. I don't know what the whole "Triple H vs Shelton Benjamin deal is, might be foreshadowing...

The match starts and KB immediately hits Theo with a high knee. He pummels him on the ground, lifts him up, sends him into the ropes.... and hits a HUGE spinebuster.

Crock: Ohhh, Theo is in a whole lot of pain.

KB asks for a sledgehammer from Sly, which is legal... Especially since he'll ban anybody who says otherwise. He hits Theo right in the head, he's busted wide open.

Crock: Ahem, I have been handed a script KB is the greatest wrestler ever. He will never lose a match. Please don't ban me...

KB sends Theo over the top rope, he and Sly start battering him. KB slams Theo into the barricade, and Sly sends a few kicks into the harmless Theo's direction. Theo is trying to crawl away, but KB won't have it. KB sends him back into the ring. KB hits a huge Pedigree, he turns to taunt the crowd when Theo pulls him into a roll-up pin, 1... 2... 3...!

Crock: HOLY SHIT! Our third roll up pin of the night, it seems to be a recurring theme! I can't believe wha--

KB: HOLD ON A MINUTE! WHAT I SAY GOES! I'M BANNING YOU ALL!!! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU... BANT BANT BANT!

Match #9
Hans vs GD
WHC Tourney

[YOUTUBE]qqXi8WmQ_WM[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes Hans! I've been eagerly awaiting his match.

Hans walks to the ring, in nothing but a thong.

[YOUTUBE]nSY_iX8_Bgc[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: GD sure resembles a guy I knew long ago. Mark Madden was his name, I believe.

Mark Madden GD walks to the ring, ready for a fight.

Crock: This will be good!

The match starts, Hans puts his finger out and pokes GD, GD goes down for the three count. Vince Russo, Eric Bischoff, Hulk Hogan, Jeff Jarrett, Abyss, Jeff Hardy, and Disco Inferno join them in the ring. It was a screwjob.

Crock: Bret screwed Bret!

Match #10
Barbosa vs ?
WHC Tourney

Barbosa comes to the ring, no entrance music. He demands to find out who his opponent is. Out of nowhere, Crock attacks him with a baseball bat. Crock gets the pin, advances to the next round.

Crock: I wrestled one hell of a match there didn't I?

Barbosa attacks Crock at the announce table, but Crock gets security to escort him out of the building.

Crock: I'm sorry I had to do that to Barbosa, but it had to be done. It had to be done...

Promo #2
SSC

[YOUTUBE]MfVDicnvnFc[/YOUTUBE]​

Crock: Here comes that cannabis lovin' sumbitch, Smooth Sexual Chocolate.

SSC walks to the ring, a billowing cloud of smoke follows him all the way to the ring.

SSC: Now look folks, I plan on winning my match here tonight against Deej. Deej is a twat. He'll probably PM Crock asking to win this match, but it won't work. I will win no matter what.

Crock: That man speaks the truth.

SSC: I want to make this next match special though... a Weed-Off. Whoever can sell the most weed in the next hour out of Deej and I wins. And if you're not down with that... I've got two words for ya: That's alright.

Match #11
IC vs Luther vs TDigs
The King of The Cage

Crock: Ok, so as you can see, we're not in the arena at this point. We're here, at a pool. The man that wins the following contest is The King of The Cage. They will all try to hold their breath for as long as possible, the last one up is the winner.

3... 2... 1... The men go under. Nothing but bubbles for 30 seconds, we then see Luther begin to struggle a bit, but he has it under control. Right as Luther is about to come up Doc comes out and hits a cannonball into the pool right next to him. They begin to brawl all over the kiddie pool and into the locker rooms. Luther knocks Doc out when Doc gets distracted by a pair of female breasts in the Women's Locker Room.

Crock: Only two men left!

IC comes up after lasting 3 and a half minutes, a formidable contest.

Crock: YOUR WINNER... TDIGS!

Both men pull TDigs out of the water, proclaiming him the winner, TDigs doesn't seem to be moving though...

Promo #3
The Crock

Crock: Ladies and gentleman, welcome back to the Idiot Zone, SEWF's exclusive arena. We have made a change. Tonight's tournament will conclude right after the jump, in a FATAL FOURWAY MATCH for the vacant SEWF WHC. Replacing me on commentary will be the team of Dave and Noah.

MAIN EVENT (Match #12)
Crock vs Jose vs Chilli vs Hans
Fatal%

Here it is.

 

[The Crock]

The Main Event fucked itself. I don't know how or why.

 

[The Crock]

MAIN EVENT (Match #12)
Crock vs Jose vs Chilli vs Hans
Fatal Fourway

Ok, Main Event killed itself. Edited itself. NorCal, a surprise entrant won the belt.

There is the explanation, I won't rewrite it.

 

[Dave]

Great show, Crocky.

 

[CH David]

God damn you NorCal!

 

[DirtyJosé]

FUCKIN NORCAL!

 

[Theo Mays]

Norcs shocks the world and captures the gold. Shame the ME fucked itself over. However this outcome was probably the best ending possible.

 

[Super Hans]

Well i suppose i did'nt get jobbed out like that armbar fella.

 

[The Crock]

The ME was actually a well written match. Kinda.

 

[CH David]

Should use Word and save it so you can always go back. But great show.