Sam's Thread of Chattin' w/ Jake & Other Robust Subjects

[Y 2 Jake]

I'm advised that dusting too regularly can cause dust to build up more quickly. Static electricity or something, I think. As you know, I'm not much when it comes to household laws. Unfortunately, I just can't take my shiny glass TV stand getting dust on it, especially when everything is so well organised within it.

I...dust every day.

 

[Uncle Sam]

So you see the problem.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

What of the Royal Rumble 2009 card? Didn't that have Hardy/Orton on it or am I thinking of the previous year?

Hardy vs. Edge in a good match.
Matt Hardy vs. Swagger in an ok match.
Orton wins a good Rumble.
Cena vs. JBL in a match which was based around HBK being poor.
Diva's match, Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix, maybe.

 

[Tastycles]

Is your name Steve? Steve White? It's just not clicking. I'll look it up next time I reply to you - promise.

What of the Royal Rumble 2009 card? Didn't that have Hardy/Orton on it or am I thinking of the previous year?

Previous year.

JBL vs Cena
Jeff Hardy vs Edge
Matt Hardy vs Swagger

There was something else too, but I can't remember it.

White's pretty close, Steve is not.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Cena vs. JBL in a match which was based around HBK being poor.

Oh yeah. Totally forgot about that. And to think, that match once didn't headline WrestleMania.

 

[Tastycles]

Melina vs Beth Phoenix, I remember! Beth makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head.

 

[Uncle Sam]

It'd be impressive if I weren't rather watching pornography.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Melina vs Beth Phoenix, I remember! Beth makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head.

Your name is Gareth. Garr for short. With a really strained "rr" sound at the end.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Melina vs Beth Phoenix, I remember! Beth makes Melina kick herself in the back of the head.

More impressive when Cheerleader Melissa did it 3 years before.

I've just had somebody standing in my doorway. This is a fucking house you know, cunt. I opened the door quickly and walked into him. Y'know, as if I was leaving my house and somebody was inexplicably standing there.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I'd do that. If it happened. OK, I'd never do that. But I'd think it.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

When I did it and I walked to put my rubbish in the bins, he had a good old nosey in my house, twat.

I own that doorway, cunt needs to pay if he wants to stand there. But he shit himself, so I don't think he'll stand there again.

 

[Tastycles]

Do you have a front garden, because if so, that's some pretty weird behaviour.

 

[Lee]

That is very odd.

 

[Uncle Sam]

This cat's pissing me off now. Might kill it and make it look like an accident.

 

[Father:_Polley]

Nail it to the door. Wait, that makes me on the way to being a serial killer

 

[Tastycles]

This cat's pissing me off now. Might kill it and make it look like an accident.

Would you like to hear a story about how my brother accidentally killed the cat? I'm going to tell it anyway, so I'm not sure why I asked.

The house I grew up in didn't have gas, it had a shitty coal fire. Nobody lived in it full time anymore, so when my brother got back from the Navy, he went into the house and it was freezing. He wanted to warm up, obviously, but didn't have any coal or he couldn't be bothered to light a fire or something, I'm not sure of the details. Anyway, he realised that the tumble dryer gives out heat when switched on out of the exhaust, so he put it in the living room. He went to get something, came back, closed the door, and warmed up. Later, he returned to the dryer to find that the cat had been in there the whole time. He told my dad a fox caught it, and the truth was only revealed when the story was the centrepiece of the best man's speech at his wedding.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Would you like to hear a story about how my brother accidentally killed the cat? I'm going to tell it anyway, so I'm not sure why I asked.

The house I grew up in didn't have gas, it had a shitty coal fire. Nobody lived in it full time anymore, so when my brother got back from the Navy, he went into the house and it was freezing. He wanted to warm up, obviously, but didn't have any coal or he couldn't be bothered to light a fire or something, I'm not sure of the details. Anyway, he realised that the tumble dryer gives out heat when switched on out of the exhaust, so he put it in the living room. He went to get something, came back, closed the door, and warmed up. Later, he returned to the dryer to find that the cat had been in there the whole time. He told my dad a fox caught it, and the truth was only revealed when the story was the centrepiece of the best man's speech at his wedding.

the tumble dryer didnt smell something awfull after that?

 

[Tastycles]

I have no idea. As I said, nobody lived in the house, so I doubt it was ever used again. Certainly not until the next people moved in, which would have been a pleasant suprise for them, I'm sure.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

oh, WHEN HE CAME BACK no one lived in it full time, I get ya. I was wildly confused with the beginning structure.


"well did you grow up there, or was it like part time, and you were raised in a clan of part time squatters / street urchins?!?!"


I get it now.

 

[Kanye South]

Samuel, I got the inspiration for my sig from you, great master of Internetz Arts.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Oh. That's sad.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Do you have a front garden, because if so, that's some pretty weird behaviour.

No, my house is an old pub, my front door is in the middle of an alley. But it still looks like a house and has a post box saying ''2'' right to the side of where he was standing.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Sounds positively magical.

 

[Tastycles]

I saw a house that used to be a pub in Stoke on Homes Under The Hammer once. The guy was Asian though, so it probably wasn't you.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I've always wanted to live in something that's been converted from something else. A dentist's surgery, for example.