RP Feedback Thread

[Prince Vee]

Brilliantly done mate! It's really cool and I really loved it. I've told you many times that I fancy your storytelling, the way you keep me anticipated for what comes next. I really am curious to know who John Doe really is. Is he a sinner or a saint? Nicely done!

But I should give you the negative part of your RP. Reading your RP I realised why DD don't fancy the usage of backstage interviews. Your interview with Stacy doesn't seem necessary. You could've wrapped it in some other way. The appraisal got spoiled a tad by the second part. Sorry mate!

Cheers!!!

 

[NSL]

Ramparte -

PRO - This RP was very strange, yet perfect, all at once. Ramparte is becoming one of my favorite characters, and this was an easy story to read. You touched on all the important points, and really stand out as the darkhorse in Cerberus' split.

CON - This is really minor, considering Ramparte has bigger fish to fry, but there was little acknowledgement of the upcoming match.

Veejay -

PRO - This is a good intro to the character for me, and being dialogue-heavy, it gets a lot out of the way as far as why you're back and where you've been. You covered the upcoming match with Ramparte, while not ignoring his current angle, which is obviously huge.

CON - The very last section, I think there's some editing issues. A lot of it is in red, but I don't think it was all supposed to be dialogue. This is more confusing because the description is in first person as well.

 

[John McCass]

Titus

Not to say, Titus’ heel turn has been one of the most awesome and exciting acts this year. The prologue was nicely written. Every single word written there is significant. It was short and to the point, and hence to my liking. But, my concern is with the second part. When you connected the second part of the prologue with the first one, you added the entire part. It did nothing but elongate the RP unnecessarily. You could have written only two or three lines. Other than that, it was a solid piece and I didn’t feel any boredom while reading that.

And then the piece with Mia. It was another part nicely done. But, I haven’t read much of Dave’s previous RP’s, I didn’t really get why Constantine is afraid of Mia but, Mia still has affection for him. Mia assumes airs, right? Because she thought Titus would remember her. Well played. Other than that, you should’ve mentioned about your intentions at Kingdom Come. While it’s still unclear who are you going to face, you should’ve mentioned what you want.

Anyways, brilliant RP.

 

[John McCass]

Logan McAllister

Armando and Logan rock as a team. I love their pairing. Last round, I predicted Men of Mayhem over Phantoms of Chaos just because of your pairing. Now, about your RP, it started really well. I like sit-down interview shows. Thus, this satiated my liking. Things have settled up between Logan and Armando. They have grown friendly, as insinuated in the initial lines. Great RP. I like the Boston accent too.

But, I really didn’t like formatting. Dialog in bold letters doesn’t interest me. Color coding was fine. The music video wasn’t necessarily needed but, it wasn’t even bad because I like that song. And I missed Hayden and Brittany. Both of those seem to have delved firmly into your character. Their absence created a void in the RP.

Anyways, this was a nice interview that serves the purpose.

 

[Prince Vee]

TITUS & CONSTANTINE

Sometimes I wonder how could you guys had made it your career a Hall of Fame worthy and all the times I used to get the same answer. Your RPs are simple yet strong. They cover everything they ought to and they addresses everything and they used to be in a perfect size as well. Never been too lengthy or boring.

But the reason why I wanted to give you blokes a comparative feedback. You see, there's a tad problem with the Titus's RP. You indeed make a commanding and strong RP but many a times you failed to keep me anticipated of what's oncoming. If you see the story of Constantine, it tends to make us wonder sometimes what's going happen next. Just like he anticipated us with the question "Bill...?" But Titus doesn't give me that. Mind you Mateys it's just my verdict but I still adore your RPs.

If you look at John Doe, he always does keep me interesting to know who John Doe is. Perhaps it maybe because everyone knows who Titus is. And I can see clearly why you've turned into a heel. But it doesn't give me a satiable reasons and shown his deep dark sides.

But I really loved your RP. Hope you don't get offended by my comments. I'm still a rookie and shouldn't deem a 5 time Oscar winner

Cheers Mateys!!

 

[NSL]

S.H.I.T. -

PRO - S.H.I.T. has always been an easy character to like, and I like what you've done with him since the return. This was easy to read, and told us why there's an open challenge, and also advanced the character. I'm interested to see where this all leads.

CON - Length. I know S.H.I.T. has never been known for epically long RPs, but this seemed like a shell of a better RP that you had in mind, but ran out of time.

Gino Galucci -

PRO - This seems to be a new Gino, and no better time to be refocused. You finally got into the backstory, which is nice, but you didn't ignore the present in doing so. While this may not be an excellent "supershow RP", it sets you up great for the PPV.

CON - Continuing off the "PRO", this is underwhelming for a supershow. I know it can be tough gearing up for 2 straight big-time PPVs, but Gino is such a likeable and new character that it feels like something could have been added, even if it was at the end, and you included where he was going, and what he was doing.

Vee A.D.Z. -

PRO - Your storytelling is getting much better. You're doing a good job of painting the picture, and helping it flow from point to point. There's visible growth from RP to RP.

CON - The editing and language barrier make it a little slow to read, but not quite to the point of taking away from the story. Vee is a good character, and has a big match coming up, so these little things stand out a bit now.

 

[NSL]

Logan McAllister -

PRO - The accent is much easier to read when written for Logan rather than Brittany. Also, it was a nice change of pace not having them there. I like when sit down interviews are used, especially when they are done well, and this was a very good back and forth. It was also a nice touch to have Armando there, but not have him really be a part of the RP.

CON - I'm not too keen on you using an outside interviewer. There's been rumblings about too many people using Leon, and this would have been a perfect place to slide in Johnny Klamor. You covered the last match properly, and mentioned wanting the titles, but didn't mention the other 2 tag teams in the division. Not really a huge error, but there's no telling what the tag title match will be, or who you'll be facing there, so it could have helped to cover all the bases.

Mikey Stormrage -

PRO - What was a negative for Logan, is a positive for you. You used someone other than Leon, and used them well. Stacey is a favorite of mine, so it's fun to see her used right, and this worked well off your last RP, right up to the last bit.

CON - The hotel scene at the beginning was almost unnecessary. Take out the bit with the magazine, and it's fine. Also, there was a thing in the dot com section about the tag titles maybe being vacated, and you didn't mention it. Seems odd, heading into the PPV.

 

[NSL]

Cassanova -

PRO - It is clear you study for each RP. Keep that up, as it can only help. You are steering your character in a new direction, adding in a mean streak, and it is just the time, with KC coming up next, and big match this week. Your storytelling is improving as well, but there's still some linguistic differences I have trouble getting around.

CON - While I understand the point and story with the bird nest, it seems a bit extreme that he killed one with his bare hands. There's a fine line between "heel" and "asshole", and you crossed it there a little.

Kagura Daikonran -

PRO - I really like the new reimagined Kagura. This heel turn is second only to Titus, which still says a lot. She's a very compelling character, and you set yourself up well going into KFAD.

CON - I said the same thing to Gino, but this was more of a pre-PPV RP, than a supershow RP, and this round needed to be both. You glossed over the last match and the current match, but that's minor, considering you used the RP to point out that KFAD is the real battle.

 

[Lee]

Vee A.D.Z.

I liked this RP, the story worked and the line about it being your kingdom come worked quite well.

For improvement I would say you have the same problem I had when I first started in that sometimes words work when writing but not when reading out loud. Write your RP wait a while then read it back out loud, that makes it obvious what doesn't work. That is the change from a good to great rp.

 

[Lee]

CassaNova

Your description has really improved recently and that's been nailed in this RP. This is the best RP of yours I've read.

A few minor grammatical errors aside (missing question marks for example) not much to fault. I know NSL said about the bird and I'd agree, another thing is using red for text as colour blindness can make it hard to differentiate with reds and greens.

The sudden snapping and asking why you're losing just didn't really fit in with the flow of the RP but I'm guessing that was the point.

If you're a heel say you're the best in the air. Don't believe that vee comes close, say something like "maybe a Boeing 707 is better than me" just exaggerate, be over the top. You think you're the best, act like the best.

 

[NSL]

ARMANDO PARADYSE -

PRO - There is a noticeable growth in the character, since forming this team, and you worked with that well here. You also addressed the match with Matt, and his history, and how this is a huge match for you, which I think always helps.

CON - This was a good RP, but it seemed like a rough draft. It was a little short, and there were parts where you got lazy. Things like "some random game on his phone" and "I beat my new game". You could use these spots as plot devices to flesh out the minor details. And your description was fine, but it felt like description more than storytelling.

MATT TASTIC -

PRO - This might be the best Tastic RP I've read. The description is great, and you started with a very different tone than we've grown used to. The end was pure Tastic, and it was a lot better than it would have been without the opening. Also, you teased the Mikey v Tastic match really well, while Mikey avoided it.

CON - The font and text color were a little hard on the eyes, but that's minor.

GARTH BLACK -

PRO - I'm really digging these shoots by Garth, and you nailed this one as well. This is the first I can personally remember seeing the Power Rankings mentioned, and you used it to perfection. This budding rivalry with Abel will be fun to see once it really takes off (PPV, gimmick match, etc).

CON - There's not much I can point to here. I'd say lack of description, except I love the promo aspect of it.

ABEL HUNNICUTT -

PRO - This was an interesting non-promo promo. Holmes, like his rep, is a great talker, and it translated well in this format. You managed to cover everything you needed to cover, and progressed the rivalry with Garth Black.

CON - This is not really a CON for this round, but a CON overall, and that is that this is not nearly as good as a typical Abel RP. I am a fan of the monster, and his working relationship with Holmes, and the supershow would have been a great place to see it take another step.

EVE TAYLOR -

PRO - Another solid RP, especially with your description. There's a lot going on in Eve's world right now, and you covered all the bases. It's also nice to see less and less Leon this round, and interesting to peel the curtain back and see some behind-the-scenes friendships. Also, I don't have any knowledge of Aubrey, other than her being a character in the fed, so I'm intrigued to see what you have in store for KC. Eve is one of my favorites in the fed, and I hope you keep it up, because a feud with Eve is one of my long term goals with Doe.

CON - This seems to be a running thing this round, but I can't really think of any.

FLEX MUSSEL -

PRO - It was awesome to see the mean streak in Flex show through, while still moving him towards being a face. I also love your use of Everest, as he's a very old school character where it can hurt you if you misuse him. The split of Cerberus is probably the biggest storyline going on right now, and you did a good job of furthering it without ignoring the current match.

CON - The transitions were a little weak. They kind of reminded me of Spongebob. It's minor, but it felt worth pointing out.

 

[NSL]

CONSTANTINE -

PRO - Another great RP. Constantine is a solid character with tons of story to tell, and this was an easy read, even for its length. Bill is still my favorite NPC, and Kevin was a welcome addition to the story. I'm left wondering if Kevin is real, or "real" in the same sense as Bill. The tease of Mia appearing was well done also. I can't wait to see what you have in store for the PPV.

CON - I'm not sure this needed to be 2 RPs, but I know you're writing this as a book, so it makes sense.

TITUS -

PRO - I liked seeing the "prologue" from both sides, which is something that could probably be done a little more in the tag division. The conversation with Mia was interesting, since I'm pretty sure everyone thought her first full appearance would be in a Constantine RP, but it worked well, and within character. I also like seeing Titus shrug off another potential match-up with Showtime, since it's been done to death at this point.

CON - This is only being mentioned here, since this is probably the last RP I'll get a chance to read, but it seems we went from Leon being everywhere, to Stacey appearing everywhere.

 

[NSL]

SHOWTIME -

PRO - You certainly gave it a good shot to carry the team, with your partner being a no show, and it really is a solid RP. Showtime is always a very easy read, and I'm enjoying his return. The comedy is great, and I don't remember the last time I saw a house show mentioned.

CON - Editing! Besides the lack of color for dialogue, it seems like there were some spots where you would have usually edited, and didn't have time to this round. That's the only negative to this RP, I think.

elegANT -

PRO - I'm shocked you wrote a "long" RP! It worked though, and the comedy in the character carried well. elegANT has kind of just been there, since the tag matches with Eve, and it is interesting to see this new direction. These two could be a very viable tag team.

CON - While you covered the formation of the team well, you largely ignored the match with Ty/ECD. That's the benefit of the tag team though, where you can split up the tasks between two RPs.

The Beard -

PRO - I really like the comedy, and it makes this team so much better. I'm a fan of cheap puns, so you earned a few brownie points there. This is probably the best RP of yours since you returned. It played off your partner's well, and was a good story to read.

CON - You're the only person that writes from first-person exclusively, so it's taken some getting used to, but it's really minor. There were a few small editing misses, mostly misspelled words, but nothing that killed the flow.

 

[NSL]

VEE A.D.Z. -

PRO - Your formatting and editing have gotten a lot better. So has your storytelling. This had a clear beginning, middle, and end, and discussed your match in a way very fitting of your character.

CON - I'm still getting used to your use of the language, and it slows the flow a little, but not enough that I can't make sense of it, or that it hurts the RP itself.

BARBOSA -

PRO - Welcome back! I forgot quite how awesome Barbosa was, and had a fun time reading this, as I know a few people that this could possibly be lol This was a solid return piece, and addressed the match well, making it a much bigger deal than the not-even-one-week build would usually allow.

CON - I don't really see any here. You covered everything that possibly could be covered, and got me excited for the match. Job well done!

 

[NSL]

CONSTANTINE -

PRO - Holy crap. This was the moment I had been waiting for, between John and Mia, and you took it to a place I never expected. I had that false hope that they would meet face-to-face and everything would be perfect, but this is definitely not a fairy tale. You managed to weave a deeply personal character story, while managing to not ignore the match at all. This is a perfect RP for the biggest PPV of the year.

CON - There were a number of spelling errors throughout, but they seemed more like typos than anything. It didn't hurt the flow, but if Showtime nails his RP, and there's no reason he shouldn't, it could come down to those minor things to decide the difference.

TITUS AVISON -

PRO - Titus is a dick. This heel turn has been expertly handled by you and Creative, and this was another step in the right direction. You could have easily phoned this in, knowing the win was a sure thing, but you clearly didn't. I like the idea of the promo being almost entirely at a talk show, and you created perfect visuals to accompany it. Bringing up the one loss to Scumm from 60+ shows ago is a nice touch as well.

CON - I'm not sure there are any. It felt like a short read, but that's probably a good thing, with the walls of text that Creative will need to read from just about everyone else.

GARTH BLACK -

PRO - I was utterly shocked to see the length of this RP, but it worked so well, and was so perfectly in character, that it was a fast read. I don't recall seeing any other anthology RPs, so it was a refreshing change as well. This is a big match, I think, and you treated it as such. You also avoided letting this gimmick run stale, and i'm intrigued to see where it goes from here, win or lose. Great use of Klamor as well.

CON - I hate to sound like a broken record, but I don't see any here. Garth is on a rocket right now, and this just adds fuel to it.

 

[NSL]

MIKEY STORMRAGE -

PRO - This RP did exactly what it needed to. This made me a believer in Mikey, at least for this match. You are very self aware on Mikey's status, but used it to elevate yourself. This also felt much different than most of the RPs I've read from you.

CON - To no fault of your own, it seems this is the PPV where everyone uses dream sequences. It's not quite stale yet, but it might count against the next person to do it.

MATT TASTIC -

PRO - I'm so not sure who to cheer for in this match, and you two have played it perfectly together. This RP went so far to both sides, that it's not clear who is right or wrong. I always like seeing the work put in to find old matches and history that directly affects the current match/story. This was a great final touch to build for the match. Kudos, also, for going outside the box with Seabass.

CON - The bit with Stacey at the end could have been shortened, leaving out the innuendo, but it was in character, so it isn't that bad. Not sure what else could be counted here.

GINO GALUCCI -

PRO - We finally meet the woman that has tormented Gino! Interesting return! Very unique RP, and thankfully you avoided the flashback/dream trap that seemingly everyone else fell in lol I was worried you were going to wrap up that RP without mentioning KFAD, but you pulled it off nice at the end.

CON - I'm not sure WZCW would approve of their guys appearing in underground fight clubs, but I guess what they don't know doesn't hurt Gino, right? This wasn't a short RP, but it felt short. It just felt like something was missing. I know you are pressed for time, but this could have used something else. I honestly can't tell you what either.

 

[Prince Vee]

Constantine

This RP had everything that has to be. I really enjoyed reading it from the beginning to the end. It might've looked little dramatic in the beginning with the dark and sounds in the kitchen, but the flow and the screenplay made it look more interesting. This just doesn't say why you've to win but why you WILL win. The anticipation was there but you could've given more live to Casey. That might be the little flaw in the RP. I would not say "in the RP" but in the "Story". This is what John Constantine needed.

Mikey Stromrage

It's good to see Mikey going out of the box for the RP. Mikey really took this as a serious competition and been thinking about it restlessly. You haven't forgotten to mention the gaming part of his life either. So overall it looked good. In my verdict, I have a slight concern. The Idealised version of you didn't talk much. It should've talked more and given more credibility for Mikey being an underdog. And another thing I mentioned is, you didn't mention more about your Friendship and Respect for Matt. Other than that there isn't any flaw. This could be a refreshing turn for Mikey.

 

[Prince Vee]

Matt Tastic

You know it's really hard to write a RP, especially for a face, more importantly when the character is too simple. Hats off to you for thriving all these years with the character. I used to see that in all your RPs but for me, this RP maybe just a little low. The segment with Granpa was good and but the integrity started to diminish tad as the RP progresses. Every interviewer kept on asking him the same questions but you had defied the odds by giving solid replies. But it seemed a tad repetitive.

Just my verdict so don't think this as something bad. Cheers mate!

 

[Prince Vee]

Titus Avison

Wow, quite impressive. I didn't see that coming though. Titus is taking this match too personal? I didn't expect that. It was a good RP and I really can read it more than once or twice. You know, the best of Johnny Scumm's RP is, when he talked about his brother and why he wanted to beat Garath Black. That won him the Eurasian Title. This is a perfect match for that, you took what's the best in him and burnt it down. It's something more like Johnny Could never use this again Poor Johnny Boy.

But I've a concern. I didn't see this as a heel RP albeit there's a slightest of Defiances here and there during the interview and maybe a lot more heel statement in the end. Other than that, this looks like a face RP. But considering the fact that Scumm is a heel, this is absolutely fine. Nicely done mate!

 

[Prince Vee]

James Howard

This is a solid RP. It showed why James Howard wants to solidify his spot and letting himself go out of the situation. But sometimes, thing might look repetitive when you over use a character, in this case the Doctor. But this doesn't seem to be a problem of any sort. This is a good RP and you've addressed Veejay to perfection. And the MRI scan report in the end was the highlight. This keeps me interesting of what to come in James' way in the future. Nice one mate.

Veejay

Sorry to say but a lot of things lagged in this RP. Not your best one I would say. Sorry for these comments though but it maybe just my verdict. You had good chances and better opportunities to erect this RP into a solid tomb. But instead, it tasted like a Red hot steak with no spice. You had Everest at your side and a great facility at Hollywood Hills but in my perspective you didn't use them well. I understand the time constraint we all have but you didn't perplex your idea. Could make it even better. Sorry once again.

 

[NSL]

S.H.I.T. -

PRO - As always, this is quite the character. Barbosa and you both built this match quickly, but this RP really defines it, and gives it meaning. Acknowledging, and detailing, the history between the two, is cool to see as well. I'm interested to see where this goes post-KC.

CON - I'd like to see S.H.I.T outside his comfort zone. Something that isn't just a direct promo. Not that the RPs haven't been good lately, but they are all very similar, and there's a lot of things you can do with him, and have in the past.

 

[NSL]

ABEL HUNNICUTT -

PRO - Another awesome piece. The story took a bit, to get to why it mattered in relation to the match, but perfectly came full circle. Holmes is a great piece to have with a character like Abel, purely because of the dichotomy between the two. You illustrate what's happening really well, and make even a long RP a quick read.

CON - This almost felt like a face RP, until the last bit of dialogue from Abel. Holmes never felt like a face, but Abel seemed a bit face-ish for a majority of this, and comes off as if he'd be likeable, if/when he gets out from under Holmes' thumb.

 

[NSL]

JAMES HOWARD -

PRO - Welcome back! This was a very unique RP, and a great read. It's really cool to see some hidden backstory there, and to see a side of Howard I haven't seen before. This match was added at the last minute, but you make it seem like a can't miss match. Also, the added angle of will this/won't this be your last match adds some intensity to every match you have going forward. This was the bounce-back you needed after a lackluster run after dropping the title.

CON - Usually, pointing out a possible severe injury would be a bad thing, and put a target on your back, or neck, as it were.

VEEJAY -

PRO - I think this was much better than your previous RP. I like the insight to the character, and it's one that anyone could read and instantly know all they need to know about VeeJay. Also, this match was put together out of nowhere, and you acknowledged that while also making it important to VeeJay, going as far as using Everest, and I think you used him for the right occasion. It would have felt out of place on a random Meltdown.

CON - While this was a solid RP, it felt a bit short of a Kingdom Come PPV. That may not necessarily be your fault, with this being your second match back, and being tossed together out of necessity, at least from the outside.

 

[NSL]

FLEX MUSSEL -

PRO - The one thing we haven't really seen about Flex (at least I haven't), is some history of who he is and why. This was great in that regard. Flex is quickly climbing the ranks of my favorites, and your descriptive writing is very good. You definitely convey the visual you need to. This might be the biggest match of the night, and I think you pulled out all the stops you needed to.

CON -I was personally hoping to see some final interaction between the three heading into the PPV, whether it was face-to-face or just a direct promo shooting on the others. No one should have a better perspective on anyone in this match, than the people in it, and I think it was a missed opportunity. (You may not be the only one guilty of this. I haven't read your opponent's yet.)


RAMPARTE -

PRO - Batti and Ramparte are going to be one of the most interesting pairings I can remember, in WZCW, WWE, or anywhere else. This was probably my favorite RP from you, and to be honest, this is the first I've felt like this match isn't Eve v Flex with Ramparte in the ring. Alice is slowly growing on me, and there's been a very intriguing evolution within Ramparte that will be must-see going forward, win or lose.

CON - Same thing I said about Flex. There's a missed opportunity to really take a shot at your opponents, and hype this much just that much more.

EVE TAYLOR -

PRO - The theme of walking was told superbly from beginning to end, both literally and metaphorically. I've made no secret that Eve is one of my favorites, and this lived up to every expectation. I'm quite surprised this is so dialogue heavy, as your RPs are mostly descriptive with punctuating dialogue, but it worked. I'm not familiar with Aubrey, so that was a welcome introduction also.

CON - Same as Flex and Ram. Also, Eve seemed a little too willing to drop the title, which I understand was to convey the emotion between her and Aubrey, but maybe the timing was off?

 

[Richard Blonoff]

NSL and I have been hanging hard recently, so he is all the incentive to do this. Normally when I vote I will read each RP in a match, pick my winner and explain why. This time, mostly because I was bored, I did a little mini commentary as I read, making a note each few paragraphs. I'll start with the main event.

Theron vs. Zeus

So our main event. I like when Zeus has flashbacks to when he was a semi normal doctor guy. He reminds me very much of something out of a Capcom horror game. Those drawings scared me. I'm not gonna sleep tonight. I still love how Zeus uses the Christian God as an inspiration even though the character is pure evil. The audio quality at the end was very rough though. In a way, it fit the character, but it was hard to listen to. Theron used his NPCs to good effect again. I also like the fake Bible verses. Sometimes I get a little distracted when looking up Theronisms. I like how Dagger is a True Lawful Good character and has really become a warrior of the light. Very close, I wouldn't want to vote on this twice. Anyone remember that three stages of hell match that Stone Cold and Triple H had where in the final match they hit each other with a 2x4 and sledgehammer simultaneously and Triple H luckily happened to fall on Austin for the pin? That is how this should end in my humble opinion.