Skairipa Matrix
3 Time Elite Openweight Champion
Alice Adams:
I was interested in what you would do with this character as soon as I saw the app, it reminds me a bit of what Scarlett Bordeaux is doing over in Impact Wrestling. As for the RP, the first thing I wanna say is always make sure you at least look over your RP before posting, there was an instance where you said check instead of cheek, and while I knew what you meant, it's always good to make sure little mistakes like that aren't left in.
As for the RP itself, I thought the beginning of it was really well done, it showed the background of your character and showcased exactly what her gimmick is, and was a nice set up for the rest of the RP which is always nice to see as it helps the flow of things. I thought the interaction with Keith Kole was okay, but I did feel like it could have been any random NPC and it would have been the same exact scene, so to me it felt like a rather pointless inclusion of someone else's character.
My favorite part was the conversation with the taxi driver, it was a good way to show off Alice's personality and how she'll handle the doubters.in the future. The one thing I think might have worked better with it though is instead of him laughing at her after she walked away, maybe he could have been flustered by her and kind of been left speechless?
Overall this was a good debut RP, for someone writing their first RP it wasn't bad at all. In the future I'd suggest using more color, as it will help everything stand out more and avoid things blending together for the reader. You did well with description but it never hurts to put more. I hope you stick with it as I think you have potential to bust out some really good work in the future.
I was interested in what you would do with this character as soon as I saw the app, it reminds me a bit of what Scarlett Bordeaux is doing over in Impact Wrestling. As for the RP, the first thing I wanna say is always make sure you at least look over your RP before posting, there was an instance where you said check instead of cheek, and while I knew what you meant, it's always good to make sure little mistakes like that aren't left in.
As for the RP itself, I thought the beginning of it was really well done, it showed the background of your character and showcased exactly what her gimmick is, and was a nice set up for the rest of the RP which is always nice to see as it helps the flow of things. I thought the interaction with Keith Kole was okay, but I did feel like it could have been any random NPC and it would have been the same exact scene, so to me it felt like a rather pointless inclusion of someone else's character.
My favorite part was the conversation with the taxi driver, it was a good way to show off Alice's personality and how she'll handle the doubters.in the future. The one thing I think might have worked better with it though is instead of him laughing at her after she walked away, maybe he could have been flustered by her and kind of been left speechless?
Overall this was a good debut RP, for someone writing their first RP it wasn't bad at all. In the future I'd suggest using more color, as it will help everything stand out more and avoid things blending together for the reader. You did well with description but it never hurts to put more. I hope you stick with it as I think you have potential to bust out some really good work in the future.
