TNA iMPACT! - May 5, 2011
Opening Segment - I had mixed feelings about the opener of the show. I'm glad that it didn't turn out to be a "We are Immortal and we rule the world" type of promo that we usually get when Immortal is out there in force. I like that Robert Roode was given some legit time out there on the mic. The guy can talk really well but his big speech sounded a lot like we usually hear from Tommy Dreamer. You know the whole "I'm a blue collar guy that loves this business and I've devoted my life to this company in order to provide for my kids" type of thing that Dreamer goes into each and everytime he gets a microphone in his hand. Roode's delivery was good and passionate so I give the guy props for that but it sounded far too much like Dreamer's one shot promo. I'm sure that Roode will be praised for it, and rightly so, but John Cena sometimes gives similar promos and people shit all over the guy. But, the promo also helped to set up next week's big angle in which the executive sent by The Network will be revealed.
Thumbs Up
Sangriento vs. Suicide - Sangriento, who I knew simply had to be Amazing Red under the mask the very second I saw him, came across very much like a poor man's Sin Cara. I'm just gonna call the guy Amazing Red, there's no point in pretending that it's someone else. It was hard for me to take this seriously when it didn't even remotely seem serious. It was hard to get excited about this match because: 1. TNA only wheels out Suicide once in a while for jobbing purposes. & 2. Red really wasn't all that interesting or exciting. Both guys got in a decent amount of offense, Red's high spots, mostly, amounted to a few hurricanranas here and there. Red gets the win around the 4 minute mark.
1/2*
Mexican America - When you stop and look at it, this entire faction is nothing more than one big Mexican stereotype. That might not necessarily be so bad if it was actually entertaining but it isn't. Anarquia's exaggerated accent is extremely annoying and the fact that half the promo was in Spanish didn't help because I don't speak Spanish. If I can't understand what you're saying half the time, then why should I care what you're saying the rest of the time? The stuff with the Spanish announce team and Anarquia's Puerto Rican comment was just kind of uncalled for. Nice to see TNA embracing negative stereotypes and the outdated exploitation of cultural tensions in an attempt to get over a mediocre faction.
The interference of Ink Inc. here made no sense whatsoever. I get that Jesse Neal is a former serviceman but being the proud, flag waving patriot is completely against what his character has supposed to be about. And that goes for Shannon Moore even more so. I thought Moore just turned heel a month or so ago and doesn't the whole "proud to be an American" schtick fly in the face of DILLIGAF nonsense of Moore's philosophy?
Thumbs Down
AJ Styles & Chrisopher Daniels vs. Bully Ray & Gunner - Pretty decent tag match while it lasted. The match really kicked in once Styles got into the ring as he just brought at lot of energy to the match. I still don't understand what some people see in Gunner. The man should have generic tattooed on his forehead next because that's him to a T. The match ends with Tommy Dreamer coming in and giving Styles a piledriver. Yep, two random character changes in a single episode of iMPACT!. Dreamer didn't stay and pal around with Bully Ray or anything afterward so I'm assuming that means Dreamer is going to be playing the reluctant heel. You know, the guy that has no choice or he's out of a job and all that.
**
Kurt Angle, Velvet Sky & The Jarretts - I wish I could pretend to be interested in the neverending saga of the Angle-Jarrett feud but I'm over it. No, scratch that. I'm just plain tired of it. I just found my attention sort of phasing in and out through the segment whenever Karen & Velvet tried talking smack about one another. This segment did sort of set up the arrival of Angle's "mistress" next week and set up a mixed tag handicap main event. Winter & Angelina Love offered nothing to the segment, just two more people to ultimately take up space for the most part.
Thumbs Down
Rob Terry vs. Murphy - This match was basically to determine which one of these two scrubs would be the only alpha scrub within Immortal. Or, at least, that was initially the idea of the match. Generally speaking, the match wasn't a visible abomination to witness but it certainly wasn't anything to care about either. Two very limited guys doing the best they can and that's just not much. Terry ultimately gets the win around the 3.5 minute mark. After the match, in a backstage segment, Hogan & Bischoff said both of them are out of Immortal. Bischoff himself said "that was bad". Terry got some cheers so I'm guessing that he's turning face after this.
N/A
Mickie James vs. Miss Tessmacher - Miss Tessmacher has improved in the ring since I last saw her wrestle. The highlight of this match, however, was her entrance with the whole stripper bit. She's definitely hot. This match was for the Knockouts Championship, so that's lame. I might be wrong but isn't this Tessmacher's first match back since suffereing a broken jaw? The match itself was decent though Tessmacher is still extremely green and definitely showed in a few spots. Mickie ultimately wins with the Tornado DDT. After the match, Madison Rayne and Tara come out on the stage. Madison does her think and challenges Mickie for the title. Mickie agrees on the condition that, if she wins, Tara is no longer under contract to Madison. Why doesnt TNA just use the old standby rematch clause for an explanation why a former champion should get a shot at the title they just lost? It seems like every rematch has to have some sort of stupid stipulation to it that gives away the finish. Its another case of TNA overdoing a gimmick that ultimately waters it down and takes away its impact.
1/2*
Kurt Angle & Velvet Sky vs. Jeff Jarrett, Winter & Angelina Love - The match just kind of dragged until Angle & Jarrett got into the ring. Prior to that, it was mostly exactly what you'd expect from Velvet, Winter & Angelina these days. At one point, Angle has control and slaps Jarrett in the ankle lock. Karen reaches out and grabs Jarrett's hands only to be dragged into the ring. Velvet tags herself in and counters an attempted double team from Winter & Angelina into a double DDT for the win a little before the 8 minute mark.
3/4*
Overall Show - TNA iMPACT! was really lackluster this week. From top to bottom, almost the entire 2 hours felt like nothing more than meaningless filler. The only thing that TNA really did this week was let the viewers know that the executive from The Network and Angle's mistress would appear next week. The highlight of the show for me really was Robert Roode's time on the mic. I liked his delivery even though it felt like the Tommy Dreamer promo standby. Wrestling content on the show was generally mediocre. Suicide vs. Amazing Red in a mask came off as just kind of lame. The tag match between Styles & Daniels and Ray & Gunner was decent. Rob Terry vs. Murphy was beyond boring, Mickie James vs. Miss Tessmacher was just kinda meh as was the main event. I generally had the feeling that TNA was truly just phoning this show in and putting all its apples into next week's basket.
Grade: D
