Seems like a perfect time to list my... TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT JOHN CENA!!
Play this while reading for full effect:
10: His Adaptability
John Cena is one of the few professional wrestlers to have thrived in two completely different eras of professional wrestling. From the Ruthless Aggression era to the PG era, Cena was on top for both, and was the best guy on the WWE roster during these eras.
Whatever era WWE goes into next, you know that Cena will be there, ever evolving and improving with the times.
9: His Hard Work
The title of 'Hardest Working Man in Showbiz' gets thrown around a lot. But could you really begrudge John Cena if he was officially awarded that moniker?
Let's forget for a moment that he wrestles a few physically taxing matches a week. He's got a ridiculous travel schedule, manages to work out (almost) every day, makes media appearances, films promotional material, is part of Total Divas, and god knows what else. And while he does all that, he's managed to find time to grant, like, a billion Make A Wish wishes. The guy is a machine.
And let's not forget that pro wrestling might be one of the most physically taxing jobs in the world. Cena isn't a rock star, where he just has to go out and sing or play guitar. He's not a football player, who's given some protection for games, and has an off season. He's a wrestler. He's paid to get punched in the face and get slammed on his back 12 months of the year, and yet he's always smiling. He loves what he does.
Sure, you could say that about hundreds of other wrestlers worldwide. But do any of them have the schedule that Cena does? Hell, Punk lasted about 8 years on a schedule that was less than Cena's. Cena's been doing it for 12(ish) years now, and still going strong.
8: He's goddamn inspirational.
The Make A Wish stuff. How he treats his fans. His message. This is a man you want to be buddies with, want to bring home to mom, and want your kid to look up to all at once.
Apart from some supposed adultery, the guy has a ridiculously clean record, something that's tough to have in the wrestling business, let alone as the top guy for a decade.
7: He just seems like a good guy.
I mean, obviously he's a good guy. Look at the wishes he's granted. But there are some troglodytes who claim that the Make a Wish stuff is all for show. Well, time to prove those troggies wrong. Because John Cena is also a guy who would have your back off-camera.
There's a story that Jericho told in one of his books, that was mentioned again on the Network podcast with Cena. The night before (or possibly after) a show, Jericho, Cena, and few other guys went out partying. Jericho, as is common for him, got shitfaced. Cena was barely tipsy
Cena could've ditched his drunken, and likely embarrassing, colleague and kept on partying. Instead, he helped Jericho get to his bed, then stuck around to make sure Jericho was okay, whilst having a couple more brewskies.
Seriously, John Cena is a guy you want around when shit hits the fan, whether it's a drunken fight or a zombie apocalypse.
6. Like a fine wine...
Cena has gotten better with age. If you look back at his first five years in WWE, John Cena was rough around the edge. He obviously had the charisma and talent, but he wasn't the smoothest guy in the ring, nor the best ring general.
But then he started having one great feud after another. From Triple H to Shawn Michaels to Randy Orton to CM Punk. Rivalry after rivalry, match after match, Cena became the fantastic performer we know and love today.
And he continues to improve. Back in 2010, a great Cena match was a treat on PPV's. Now, a great Cena match is expected every time he gets in the ring. Genuinely, I can't think of the last time Cena had a match I didn't like. Maybe his second match with the Rock, which was well over two years ago.
The dude is really, really good.
5. How he deals with the haters.
There's a lot of idiots out there. A lot. A lot a lot a lot. And these idiots like to boo John Cena so they feel less insecure. Which is a whole other issue.
But Cena not only shrugs it off. He laughs about it. He makes jokes all the time about people hating him. And sure, Cena can be a cheeseball at times, but the way it rolls off his back is genuine.
And a lot of people wouldn't be able to deal with this stuff. We've seen the likes of Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, and even the Rock look visibly rattled when getting booed as a babyface. But not Cena. He knows those people don't matter.
4. He makes other guys better.
There's this weird idea, perpetuated by the aforementioned idiots and troglodytes, that Cena buries people. It's getting really old.
CM Punk, Randy Orton, Edge, Sheamus, The Miz, Alberto Del Rio, and Seth Rollins. Cena helped make all those guys stars, because when someone is feuding with John Cena, they immediately become relevant.
"But Blade," I hear the morons cry, "he beats people all the time!"
Oh, simple-minded fool. Losing to the very top guy in the entire industry is not a bad thing. Because being in the ring with him at all is a good thing.
Cena validated Bray Wyatt as a genuine threat. Do you think Wyatt would've been given the big Undertaker match at Wrestlemania if Cena hadn't helped Bray looks awesome a year earlier? I mean, sure, Wyatt has floudered since then, but that falls much more on Wyatt and the bookers and their inability to evolve the character.
Cesaro meant nothing to nobody a few months ago. Then he challenges Cena for the US Title, takes him to the limit, and suddenly, Cesaro is getting reactions. And let's not even start on the Kevin Owens thing.
[Oh, and Zack Ryder wasn't buried by John Cena. Ryder sucks, WWE knew it, and were generous to give him the 15 minutes of fame that he got.]
And Cena doesn't just help get people over. He literally gives them the best matches of their career. He gave CM Punk his only 5 star worth match (because that overrated borefest with Samoa Joe shouldn't count.) He gave Kevin Owens three of his best matches
ever. He even made Stardust look good. And that's no mean feat.
3. He makes a shit ton of money and bangs Nikki Bella.
I mean, these are two superficial points, sure. But damn, Cena is pretty awesome.
2. He loves the business.
Yes, he originally wanted to be a body builder. But that wasn't his passion. His passion turned out to be pro wrestling.
And John Cena leaves, eats, breathes and pisses the pro wrestling industry. He does all that he does, works the hours he works, destroys his body, and he loves every fucking second of it.
I've seen videos of people bugging Cena on the street or when he's having dinner with Nikki or something. And he always responds politely. Because he knows how blessed he is. Meanwhile, you have the likes of Punk cursing at people, or countless other wrestlers ignoring fans altogether at hotels.
Now, obviously fans aren't entitled to anything from the wrestlers. Wrestlers aren't obliged to take pictures or shake hands or give autographs. But Cena always goes the extra mile in everything he does. Because he loves wrestling, he loves the industry, and he loves the fans.
And along with that comes his undying loyalty for WWE. Some would claim that Cena can't love wrestling that much because he would never work for another promotion. And I say that is utter bullshit.
If a football player claims he'll never play for another team, he's lauded as a hero. But when Cena claims he'd never wrestle in Japan or elsewhere, it's claimed that he's a corporate puppet. Funny, ain't it?
There's nothing wrong with being loyal to the company that gave you a chance and made you the man you are today. And those that think otherwise are likely people that suck at their job.
1. His longevity.
The guy has been the biggest full-time wrestler on the planet for 10 years. Ten goddamn years. Selling shirts, drawing numbers, and putting butts in seats.
And anyone who claims he's not are obviously twatwaffles.
So that's it. My top ten things about John Cena. Apologies for any typos, grammatical errors, repeated points or general rambling. It's 11:30 PM and I'm sleepy.