"I don't get Christian"- Spam Zone Version

[Nate DaMac]

I'm copying Mark Henry's Beard's thread and pasting it here so I can read the opinions of the regulars that wouldn't dare venture into the shit section.

Fuck him, in fact. I don't get the love he gets from the IWC. Is he a solid worker? Sure. But there are a myriad of other reasons why he absolutely fucking sucks.

While he may be a good worker, he isn't a BELIEVABLE worker. I don't think you have to be 6'4, 250 to be believable. Punk is believable. Bryan is believable. Christian is not. Skinny, no muscle definition. Doesn't look like he could kick your ass. And his offense is fucking RIDICULOUS. A spear? Seriously? I'm supposed to believe this scrawny motherfucker can keep people down with a SPEAR? I get that it's a tribute to his "lifelong best friend", but he shouldn't be pinning anyone with it ever.

Which brings me to the fact that his primary finisher, the Unprettier Killswitch is the WORST fucking finisher of all-time. It could logically be countered by just pushing him out of the Goddamn way. But I guess I'm just supposed to believe that Christian's little twig arms are strong enough to force his opponents head first into the ground.

I've watched Christian's entire career, save for TNA, and the "Captain Charisma" name fits about as well as nicknaming Batista "Tommy Technical". The average fan doesn't really give much of a shit about Christian. Sure, they like him fine, but is he really missed when he isn't around? Nope. Christian could disappear from WWE tomorrow and only the IWC would care. He's over like Kofi Kingston is over. I've never seen anything special from Christian on the mic. He's made a career from riding on his far superior tag team partner's charismatic coattails.

This notion that Vince "hates" Christian is funny to me. I have no doubt that he doesn't see money in him. Because THERE ISN'T. But someone Vince "hates", he sure hovers around the title picture an awful lot for someone that isn't all that over.

I equate Christian to Rey Mysterio. Good worker. Terribly unbelievable offense. Both rewarded with undeserved runs on top because their best friends died/retired. At least the fans gave a shit about Rey, though.

If I can say one thing about Christian, it's that his entrance music fits him perfectly. It's annoying, lame, it sucks, and if I never heard it again, I would be totally great with that.

Don't totally agree with everything he says, but I love it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I was with you up until here.

It's funny that you bring up Daniel Bryan as an example of someone with believable offense and Christian as the antithesis of this because the two actually seem to have a similar in-ring philosophy - they're smaller than much of the roster and rely on striking, agility and ingenuity to get the better of their opponents. Am I expected to believe Christian could force Del Rio's face down into the mat? Am I expected to believe that Daniel Bryan could wrestle Jack Swagger to the floor? Am I expected to believe Christian could pin Rob Van Dam with a spear? Am I expected to believe Daniel Bryan could knock Ryback to the floor with a clothesline? Well, yes - because it's professional wrestling and I don't have weirdly out of whack criteria for suspension of disbelief. And, of course, the same goes for Rey Mysterio.

TL;DR: It's the same bullshit I've read about Rey Mysterio ten dozen times and it's no truer now than it ever was.

 

[Nate DaMac]

Rey Mysterio did connect with the fans much, much more than Christian has though.

The Tommy Technical line made me laugh much harder than it should have.

 

[ABMorales787]

I've watched Christian's entire career, save for TNA, and the "Captain Charisma" name fits about as well as nicknaming Batista "Tommy Technical".

Well there's the reason why this dude is such clueless putz.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Not now perhaps but if you watch Extreme Rules 2011 or Over The Limit 2011 and observe the crowd, they are eating Christian up. He was arguably more over than Randy Orton in the latter.

 

[Nate DaMac]

Not now perhaps but if you watch Extreme Rules 2011 or Over The Limit 2011 and observe the crowd, they are eating Christian up. He was arguably more over than Randy Orton in the latter.

Yeah. Those were the days. His injuries really fucked him over.

I teared up like a newborn woman the night he won the title.

 

[Dirk]

Punk is believable. ... Christian is not. Skinny, no muscle definition. Doesn't look like he could kick your ass.

Christian billed as: 6'1, 212lbs
Punk billed as: 6'2, 218lbs

So you're saying that those six pounds of body fat on Punk makes him more believable?

Christian isn't Jericho (or even Edge), but he's a damn sight better than some of the other recent World Champs...

 

[Y 2 Jake]

He's way better than Jericho & Edge are now, man.

 

[Nate DaMac]

I never really get why people need to find wrestlers intimidating or whatever. If these guys were actually good at fighting they'd be doing that for a living.

 

[Dan Severn's Moustache]

Suppose as a defence for the Killswitch, it could be said that the opponent is dazed enough to be unable to push Christian away or they don't have the energy. But it's an illogical way to beat somebody, I'll agree there.

 

[Hard Hit Prince]

I don't really know what to think about that. Sure Christian isn't your bigger than life type of character/wrestler, but I feel entertained watching him work. Right now he isn't over with the crowd, but that's because he doesn't have promo time, he isn't building a rivalry of some sorts, he isn't being pushed very well and his character is exactly the same it ever was, ence the reason I don't care for the World Title picture for the time being. I have some problems with his finisher being the Killswitch too, but it's his trademark for years now and they won't change it.

But saying that Daniel Bryan is believable and Christian isn't is a stretch. Daniel Bryan doesn't really have muscle definition, his movesets look incredibly difficult to perform to an average joe (like that type of bridge). Am I supposed to believe that Daniel Bryan can dominate Swagger in the mat? Hell no! But he did. Am I supposed to believe that Daniel Bryan can beat "Swagger, Cesaro and Ryback" in the same night? I'm pretty sure that Swagger alone could kill him, yet I thought the three matches were very good and I just felt good for the moment.

Wrestling isn't believable. A punch can and will knock you out, in the world of wrestling, a series of free punches don't even make you fall.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I never really get why people need to find wrestlers intimidating or whatever. If these guys were actually good at fighting they'd be doing that for a living.

Being intimidating helps, surely. Personally I want to see more wrestlers who look like people I'd avoid in a pub.

 

[ヒュー　G.　レックション]

I never really get why people need to find wrestlers intimidating or whatever. If these guys were actually good at fighting they'd be doing that for a living.

I find it helps with the suspension of disbelief.

 

[ABMorales787]

Christian isn't intimidating? He's a fucking vampire!

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

Christian did the most horrid frog splash I have ever seem. Ughhh.


But since 2011 and especially after working with Orton what really shone through was that he could have these really awesome matches as a singles' competitor.

His spear, since his return this year has been great. Better than Edge's. Why? He doesn't hug them all the way. The one he hit Bryan with...beautiful.

 

[Uncle Sam]

He's way better than Jericho & Edge are now, man.

Also when Edge was actually wrestling.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Christian should get tips off Kaitlyn on how to spear. Or his opponents should get tips off A.J. on how to sell a spear.

In conclusion, Christian should stop using the spear until it looks devastating.

 

[Alex]

He's still more interesting than a lot of the roster even if he doesn't get mic time. Can have a good match with pretty much anyone of any size.

In terms of size you can be skinnyish, still look good and kick ass (look at Bruce Lee).

 

[Mark Henry's Beard]

Christian billed as: 6'1, 212lbs
Punk billed as: 6'2, 218lbs

So you're saying that those six pounds of body fat on Punk makes him more believable?

Christian isn't Jericho (or even Edge), but he's a damn sight better than some of the other recent World Champs...

Punk's moveset makes him more believable. I'm pretty sure I said that in the original post.

 

[hatehabsforever]

Suppose as a defence for the Killswitch, it could be said that the opponent is dazed enough to be unable to push Christian away or they don't have the energy. But it's an illogical way to beat somebody, I'll agree there.

True, the Killswitch is an illogical way to defeat an opponent. He should have a more realistic and logical way to defeat his opponent. Like the Five Knuckle Shuffle, Tombstone Piledriver, or Pedigree.

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

Punk's moveset makes him more believable. I'm pretty sure I said that in the original post.

Which move would that be, the flapping elbow that is supposed to be an homage to Savage's brutal elbow drop or the knee to the face that only looks good on Rey Mysterio?

 

[Danger Burger]

Makes me laugh to see two threads next to each other:

"I don't get Christian" and "The Miz is awesome".

I don't particularly love Christian, or his "Why not Zoidberg?" gimmick. I only like him because I like him, not for anything he does (characterwise) But he's atleast two-point-three times better than the Miz.

 

[Mark Henry's Beard]

Which move would that be, the flapping elbow that is supposed to be an homage to Savage's brutal elbow drop or the knee to the face that only looks good on Rey Mysterio?

Yes, those two. Because knees to the face and elbow drops from the top rope wouldn't hurt at all. And they require him to overpower his opponent. Good example.

 

[Pay Per Ghost]

Oh yes he will need to overpower them of course, its not like any of this is scripted or anything.

 

[Miko]

Christian should change his theme back to one of his infinitely better ones. The Waterproof Blonde one will do nicely, or the one that goes "Christian! Christian!"