Welp, this was correct
Haiku Hogan's Shit List
- Thread starter Con T.
- Start date
Welp, this was correct
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Exactly. It's my grandmother's house and I live in the old garage. My mom lives in the basement.
Beastmode 24
BEAST MODE, MOTHERFUCKERS
I think we can all agree one one thing:
History, you sir, are a moron.
History, you sir, are a moron.
Entertaining read, that's for sure. Does that equal quality? How many views does that thread have?
37. Thriller
Oh Thriller... You really, really shouldn't go with the passive aggressive stance of simply doling out red rep, without at least coming to task for what exactly you're red repping me for. For those of you that don't know, and probably don't care (except for Thriller, who seemed to care, quite a bit), I had the God given duty to inform this man that his alma mater, Northern Illinois University, had no place being in a BCS Bowl. And he tried to reason with all of his heart and soul as to why his team deserved a chance... Even when they didn't of course, but fine. I waited for the result to play out, and it did;
Northern Illinois lost to Florida St, 31-10.
Now, of course, the argument is going to be, "Oh, well they hung tough for the entire game, hyuck hyuck! Those Huskies, they gave a hard fight out there, they fought hard!"
No, no, let me tell you what happened tonight; Northern Illinois laid an absolute egg, just like I said they would. Northern Illinois' football game consisted of the following:
1. A really nice third quarter drive.
2. An onside kick.
That was Northern Illinois' game last night. NIU played a fairly weak team from an especially weak conference, and still looked comically inept, for a fair portion of the game. FSU is by no means a powerhouse, and I still was willing to give twenty points to Northern Illinois, because I was so sure this team couldn't win.
Lo and behold, they didn't. And I'm so sure you felt like you belonged in a BCS bowl game. Sorry, mate... Your team had no business being out there today. Here are some stats for a "BCS Bowl Team";
534-259. That's the difference in yards allowed by both teams in this game. Guess who had the larger number of yards?
15 out of 41. That's the amount of passes your quarterback completed in this game. BCS Buster quality, I know.
220. That's the total amount of yards your quarterback amounted for in this game. As you may recall, I just pointed out that your team in total put up 259 yards of total offense. Which means the vast majority of your team did absolute bumblefuck.
You can red rep me all you want from here to the end times; it really doesn't change these facts, bub.
1. Your team wasn't ready to play even a middling team, let alone the elites of the college football world.
2. All of that beating up on MAC teams was absolutely worthless, when you face a team with legitimate talent.
3. And most importantly, you were wrong, and I was right; your team just didn't belong.
And don't get me wrong, I don't hate the little guy. I like Boise State, and I like teams like TCU. What I don't like is when a team that hasn't proven a god damned thing feels entitled to being in a major bowl game. Your team? They proved jack shit. They did nothing but let you down, Thriller. So go ahead and be mad at me, Thriller. Go ahead and try to rationalize that this was just a poor performance from your university. Go ahead and try to convince yourself that your team hung tough with them.
Then really think about it. And you'll know I was right all the time.
They didn't belong
And if you don't believe that.
You're fucking clueless
Oh Thriller... You really, really shouldn't go with the passive aggressive stance of simply doling out red rep, without at least coming to task for what exactly you're red repping me for. For those of you that don't know, and probably don't care (except for Thriller, who seemed to care, quite a bit), I had the God given duty to inform this man that his alma mater, Northern Illinois University, had no place being in a BCS Bowl. And he tried to reason with all of his heart and soul as to why his team deserved a chance... Even when they didn't of course, but fine. I waited for the result to play out, and it did;
Northern Illinois lost to Florida St, 31-10.
Now, of course, the argument is going to be, "Oh, well they hung tough for the entire game, hyuck hyuck! Those Huskies, they gave a hard fight out there, they fought hard!"
No, no, let me tell you what happened tonight; Northern Illinois laid an absolute egg, just like I said they would. Northern Illinois' football game consisted of the following:
1. A really nice third quarter drive.
2. An onside kick.
That was Northern Illinois' game last night. NIU played a fairly weak team from an especially weak conference, and still looked comically inept, for a fair portion of the game. FSU is by no means a powerhouse, and I still was willing to give twenty points to Northern Illinois, because I was so sure this team couldn't win.
Lo and behold, they didn't. And I'm so sure you felt like you belonged in a BCS bowl game. Sorry, mate... Your team had no business being out there today. Here are some stats for a "BCS Bowl Team";
534-259. That's the difference in yards allowed by both teams in this game. Guess who had the larger number of yards?
15 out of 41. That's the amount of passes your quarterback completed in this game. BCS Buster quality, I know.
220. That's the total amount of yards your quarterback amounted for in this game. As you may recall, I just pointed out that your team in total put up 259 yards of total offense. Which means the vast majority of your team did absolute bumblefuck.
You can red rep me all you want from here to the end times; it really doesn't change these facts, bub.
1. Your team wasn't ready to play even a middling team, let alone the elites of the college football world.
2. All of that beating up on MAC teams was absolutely worthless, when you face a team with legitimate talent.
3. And most importantly, you were wrong, and I was right; your team just didn't belong.
And don't get me wrong, I don't hate the little guy. I like Boise State, and I like teams like TCU. What I don't like is when a team that hasn't proven a god damned thing feels entitled to being in a major bowl game. Your team? They proved jack shit. They did nothing but let you down, Thriller. So go ahead and be mad at me, Thriller. Go ahead and try to rationalize that this was just a poor performance from your university. Go ahead and try to convince yourself that your team hung tough with them.
Then really think about it. And you'll know I was right all the time.
They didn't belong
And if you don't believe that.
You're fucking clueless
Oh don't get me wrong, the system is fucked, too. It's going to get some uphaul in 2014, when the Big East is no longer going to automatically get a BCS bowl berth.
This is more because everyone that vehemently believed NIU deserved its spot, and used the ******ed system to defend their position. From our old spastic buddy Stormtrooper;
What he, and NIU defenders don't seem to get, is that the using the system to defend your beliefs, when the system is ******ed, makes no sense.
Oh, and I hate the old passive aggressive "red rep out of spite, but never do anything about it" schtick. Don't agree that your team is a pile of ass? Then defend yourself and your team.
This is more because everyone that vehemently believed NIU deserved its spot, and used the ******ed system to defend their position. From our old spastic buddy Stormtrooper;
What he, and NIU defenders don't seem to get, is that the using the system to defend your beliefs, when the system is ******ed, makes no sense.
Oh, and I hate the old passive aggressive "red rep out of spite, but never do anything about it" schtick. Don't agree that your team is a pile of ass? Then defend yourself and your team.
But, if I am going to rip the NIU team, I could just as easily use this;
http://aol.sportingnews.com/ncaa-football/story/2012-12-27/orange-bowl-2013-florida-state-vs-northern-illinois-niu-huskies-trash-talk
Oh yeah, never seen an offense quite like this. At all
http://aol.sportingnews.com/ncaa-football/story/2012-12-27/orange-bowl-2013-florida-state-vs-northern-illinois-niu-huskies-trash-talk
Oh yeah, never seen an offense quite like this. At all
shattered dreams
Hexagonal Hedonist
Lol, Haiku cares about rep.
Well, no, I just care about being passive aggressive. Always a rather big pet peeve
shattered dreams
Hexagonal Hedonist
Did LSU deserve to go to a BCS game last year?
George Steele's Barber
Advertise Here $9.95/month
It's hard for me to judge if they belonged in a BCS game, I only watched one of their regular season games and it was against a really poor opponent. You must have watched them a lot this year. How many NIU games did you watch?
Actually, counting last night, five, in;
NIU-Iowa (it was either that or Ohio-Penn State on DVR. Pass)
Army
UMass
and the MAC title game. Was never that impressed. Still am not
Pepe Silvia
Occasional Pre-Show
Lampshades everywhere
So usually, I don't get into personal matters on these here forums; frankly, if I have something I want to talk about, I'm probably not coming to an internet forum, because let's face it, what do you care, and why should you care? But, I got something that oh boy, do I want to rant about, right now.
Number Whatever Fuckety Fuck Fuck; "Nice Guys"
Oh yeah, these assholes. I got fully introduced to these scaldy fucks tonight. At least, one of them. So I'm going to a bar with a friend of mine, who brings along just this completely pathetic shell of a guy. Apparently he needed to get out, my buddy said; just got friend zoned by the girl he'd be pining for about a year over.
Oh, this is going to be fucking great. The friendzone is already another rant for another time, but needless to say, it's for butthurt fools who just don't know how to interact with women, period. Anyway, what am I going to say, "no, he can't come, and you two should just split a quart of Ben and Jerry's, and watch Chocolat together"?
No, no. After all, sometimes we just need to let out a little steam. Let this fella hit the bars and forget his woes. Except, that's not what he did, at all. In life, there's such a thing as being a third wheel, being a fifth wheel, and being an unmitigated disaster that ruins everyone's good time.
Guess which one this scaldy fuck was?
"Girls don't want nice guys; they just want assholes. And then they wanna shoulder to cry on, just so they can step on their balls when they're back up again."
Gentlemen who are married, I'm not sure if you've ever tried to have sex with your wife, but if you've just had a kid, you know you're not getting anywhere when there's a crying baby over in the next room. Now imagine that baby is 5'8", can speak English, and can't be coddled to go back to bed. That was this fucker; in spite of how many times my buddy and I tried to pull this cunt out of his funk, he wanted none of it, other than to accept the scraps of pity that we'd offer along the way. My girlfriend, in particular, was ready to feed the troll, and boy was the troll hungry. God bless her, but when someone's sad, she just doesn't want to hurt someone. In spite of the fact that this fucker was calling her, at least vicariously, a "succubus", she was willing to sacrifice her good time to console this pitiful fuck.
I wasn't so willing to hear him out. But, I didn't outright call him out just yet, first I tried to think of some ways to cheer this little chode up. We tried to play wingman for the guy, tried to see if he had any girl friends (which in hindsight was quite the lark) that wanted to meet up with us, you get the drill. My girlfriend was starting to get visibly annoyed, and no one was having a good time, and then he dropped the bombshell on her.
"I mean, you just wouldn't understand what it's like to be a guy like this."
I lost my stack.
"It's pointless. This fucker just wants to wallow in misery"
"You think I'm happy like this?" He says.
"Yeah, I do. Because you want us to pity you; no, you need that shit. Because it validates this entitlement you have that just because you're a nice guy, girls owe you the God given right to get laid."
This ends about as well as you'd imagine it. It was a completely dick move on my part, and I have no regrets about it. I do regret when he threw a drink in my face, which gets the bouncer involved and means we all get thrown out. Of course, the girlfriend is more than a little miffed, as am I, but for different reasons. I could have kept my temper far better, but a word to those of you here; don't be the "nice guy". Seriously, don't fucking do it. If you do think you may be a nice guy, adhere to this chart.
If you wound up at the fedora, at any point in your search, you probably are the bile of the universe, and should consider the following;
A. Getting your head out of your ass
B. Sodding off
the world would be infinitely better with less people like you out there, and hey, you'll be better off, because you'll be less of a cuntastic pussy. It really isn't that hard to understand; you aren't entitled to anything, to stop treating yourself like you do, because you're a nice guy.
Which is why it felt so good to sing back, along the way home, Green Day's "Nice Guys Finish Last".
They do finish last
If you keep that attitude.
If you do, fuck off.
Number Whatever Fuckety Fuck Fuck; "Nice Guys"
Oh yeah, these assholes. I got fully introduced to these scaldy fucks tonight. At least, one of them. So I'm going to a bar with a friend of mine, who brings along just this completely pathetic shell of a guy. Apparently he needed to get out, my buddy said; just got friend zoned by the girl he'd be pining for about a year over.
Oh, this is going to be fucking great. The friendzone is already another rant for another time, but needless to say, it's for butthurt fools who just don't know how to interact with women, period. Anyway, what am I going to say, "no, he can't come, and you two should just split a quart of Ben and Jerry's, and watch Chocolat together"?
No, no. After all, sometimes we just need to let out a little steam. Let this fella hit the bars and forget his woes. Except, that's not what he did, at all. In life, there's such a thing as being a third wheel, being a fifth wheel, and being an unmitigated disaster that ruins everyone's good time.
Guess which one this scaldy fuck was?
"Girls don't want nice guys; they just want assholes. And then they wanna shoulder to cry on, just so they can step on their balls when they're back up again."
Gentlemen who are married, I'm not sure if you've ever tried to have sex with your wife, but if you've just had a kid, you know you're not getting anywhere when there's a crying baby over in the next room. Now imagine that baby is 5'8", can speak English, and can't be coddled to go back to bed. That was this fucker; in spite of how many times my buddy and I tried to pull this cunt out of his funk, he wanted none of it, other than to accept the scraps of pity that we'd offer along the way. My girlfriend, in particular, was ready to feed the troll, and boy was the troll hungry. God bless her, but when someone's sad, she just doesn't want to hurt someone. In spite of the fact that this fucker was calling her, at least vicariously, a "succubus", she was willing to sacrifice her good time to console this pitiful fuck.
I wasn't so willing to hear him out. But, I didn't outright call him out just yet, first I tried to think of some ways to cheer this little chode up. We tried to play wingman for the guy, tried to see if he had any girl friends (which in hindsight was quite the lark) that wanted to meet up with us, you get the drill. My girlfriend was starting to get visibly annoyed, and no one was having a good time, and then he dropped the bombshell on her.
"I mean, you just wouldn't understand what it's like to be a guy like this."
I lost my stack.
"It's pointless. This fucker just wants to wallow in misery"
"You think I'm happy like this?" He says.
"Yeah, I do. Because you want us to pity you; no, you need that shit. Because it validates this entitlement you have that just because you're a nice guy, girls owe you the God given right to get laid."
This ends about as well as you'd imagine it. It was a completely dick move on my part, and I have no regrets about it. I do regret when he threw a drink in my face, which gets the bouncer involved and means we all get thrown out. Of course, the girlfriend is more than a little miffed, as am I, but for different reasons. I could have kept my temper far better, but a word to those of you here; don't be the "nice guy". Seriously, don't fucking do it. If you do think you may be a nice guy, adhere to this chart.
If you wound up at the fedora, at any point in your search, you probably are the bile of the universe, and should consider the following;
A. Getting your head out of your ass
B. Sodding off
the world would be infinitely better with less people like you out there, and hey, you'll be better off, because you'll be less of a cuntastic pussy. It really isn't that hard to understand; you aren't entitled to anything, to stop treating yourself like you do, because you're a nice guy.
Which is why it felt so good to sing back, along the way home, Green Day's "Nice Guys Finish Last".
They do finish last
If you keep that attitude.
If you do, fuck off.
Pepe Silvia
Occasional Pre-Show
Real talk; it was as vodka drink, too. A Stinger, actually; so named because it stings the fuck outta your eyes
Richard Blonoff
Make America Rassle Again
I like vodka, though I am no bitch. Seriously that was a bitch move.
Well, in all fairness
I did kind of bait the guy
And he paid for it
Literally. Stingers are fucking expensive, mainly because they're using Creme De Menthe in it, as well
Why didn't he hit you? Seriously. Maybe it's the Irish stereotype with me but throwing a drink at someone is
a) A waste of a drink
b) A waste of money
c) A gateway to have to get up, wade through all the other drunks and purchase another drink.
I will agree with you on the "Nice Guys". When did this become a thing? I only remember hearing about this shit in the last 6 months. I blame Tumblr. I have a friend who asked out a girl we both know very well(Myself moreso since our families are good friends) and he asked her to our equivalent of the prom while asking her out at the same time. Girl didn't like him but said she'd go to the dance with him(The general consensus with these things is don't go with a person you like so everything can be a lot more easy going before you arrive). He spent most of the night with her,which was fine, but anytime she talked to anyone else he would stare and if she went to the bathroom for too long then he'd go looking for her. When i asked him about it he said that even though she said she didn't like him, he still thinks she feels something for him. Let me say; this girl is one of those girls that is nice to everyone with a generally very cheery personality. He's very stubborn and I can't flat out tell him to move on from this girl without getting backlash and being accused of liking her myself despite the fact that i have a girlfriend.
a) A waste of a drink
b) A waste of money
c) A gateway to have to get up, wade through all the other drunks and purchase another drink.
I will agree with you on the "Nice Guys". When did this become a thing? I only remember hearing about this shit in the last 6 months. I blame Tumblr. I have a friend who asked out a girl we both know very well(Myself moreso since our families are good friends) and he asked her to our equivalent of the prom while asking her out at the same time. Girl didn't like him but said she'd go to the dance with him(The general consensus with these things is don't go with a person you like so everything can be a lot more easy going before you arrive). He spent most of the night with her,which was fine, but anytime she talked to anyone else he would stare and if she went to the bathroom for too long then he'd go looking for her. When i asked him about it he said that even though she said she didn't like him, he still thinks she feels something for him. Let me say; this girl is one of those girls that is nice to everyone with a generally very cheery personality. He's very stubborn and I can't flat out tell him to move on from this girl without getting backlash and being accused of liking her myself despite the fact that i have a girlfriend.
