RP Feedback Thread

[Prince Vee]

This is YET again, Titus, the 5 time Oscar winner and the Hall of Famer. This was yet another classy piece of RP that fascinated me. It's certainly surprising to see how you come up with these sort of stuffs each day.

It was a Fun Golden Globe segment upfront bantering the celebrities with with witty sense of humor. None will forget to giggle on those spots and being a heel you aren't supposed to make us laugh with your RP, giggling it's alright. You keep patronizing about the EurAsian title bigger than the World Title is something brilliant but debatable IF you'll be in the Goldrush Tournament for the Big Gold, well that's another case and we can leave that now.

I've to give you a con here though. You amongst the likes of Matt Tastic, Mikey, Eve and some of the few are quite brilliant in making a normal character look awesome. But I sense something has been missing in this round's RP. For the last PPV, Kingdom Come of course, you did a great RP by taking the best weapon Johnny Scumm ever had and turned that against and in the process eventually completing you heel turn successfully. Anyhow, the problem is the Surprises! (I shouldn't complain on that because I'm the lamest RPer in my verdict with no surprises given to my character or whatsoever)

Alright, I'll justify what I said about Surprise. I always fancy it when you build-up your character through the Ascension and Meltdowns and bringing something quite surprising or twists for the PPV. I miss that in your RP for Apocalypse. But other than that everything was quite better.

PS. Decaprio's Oscar jokes never get old. Props on that mate.

 

[Prince Vee]

Armando Paradyse/Eddie Romero/Whatever he is

Alright, let's get to the point directly without beating around the bush. What the hell just had happened with Armando. I know the whole backstory but it seems like FWR have a monkey to bring up wanky shits every time when he tries to RP. Like Logan rightfully said, "Get your shit togethah Eddie"

First of all, why would a psychiatrist try to act like a psycho in the first place. Yet it happened in the last RP. Okay when we talk about your story, nothing makes sense at all? It's plainly like WTF! Armando isn't Armando but is Eddie, then he consults a pscyho, speculating she's a psychiatrist, then it turns out she's an evil **** trying to mess up the Men in Mayhem; and amid that Mayhem it turns out that Armando was supposed to die so that EDDIE will become Armando(?!?!) and Eddie is chosen by Lucifer himself and he apparently killed him (?!) I'm not understanding any of it.

Come on man, why would Lucifer pick Armando and make him lose allll his matches for years and making him never see his names in the Kingdom Come card. Kayfabe or not, it's just utterly dreadful. You should've listened to the podcast at least before posting this RP. Haiku Hogan tried to help you.

Logan McAllistar

This is a solid RP. You kept the tension between Eddie and Logan in the context of the Kitty fight between Missy and Britt. Britt is a cool NPC and you're using her quite well and I reckon that comes of beautifully in this round. And it's glad to see the team travelling together.

You always have her with you no matter what's going through in your life. And she's fresher than your Dad's character in giving you the pieces of advise and keeping you motivated. I want to see Hayden do more stuffs than just giving cameo appearances. I reckon, I would see that more if Logan turns face.

Talking about the Cons, the fonts in the conversation looks slightly irritating to read while from computer. You've added colours, bolded it and italicized. It sort of looks difficult to read.

In a nutshell, the RP seemed tad short and missing some key elements, not addressing the match quite well. Logan can always be a great face. I'm hoping for more. Maybe we should rekindle our feud between Vee and Logan that we left before the Lethal Lottery

 

[Prince Vee]

Theron Daggershield

Theron, in this RP, has shown some real rage to win the WZCW World Heavyweight Title. I remember your RP at the Kingdom Come, and it was merely trying to save the world being the light of Mystra (I hope I’m spelling it all right, or at least alright). But this one was different, Theron had beautifully addressed the aftermath of Kingdom come and his urge to win the title back. Of course Theron lost to Ty Burna on the pursuit of acquiring his respect and apparent help. Once you decided to address your loss, even if it was because of some interference, the RP sounded to be more realistic and shown the strong-will of Theron. It was nice.

Theron was on full rage in this RP. Doesn’t matter if he was young or old, he still was strong-willed and hopeful. You’re one of the few RPers who would bring the scene to flow through our eyes while we read it. Special Props for that mate. I always adored that part of your RP. The rains, sunlights, clouds fogging around, the birds and that special 9500-Year-old tree, everything made sense in your RP. They seemed like playing a role in addressing the situation to perfection.

I do have a con to address albeit I can’t say it was a con but something I didn’t fancy about. It’s about the back story of Young Theron. I always am an avid lover of surprises; I want to excited every time I read a RP. That said, being the match as a final battle between the Dark and the Bright, to decide which will prevail in WZCW, the back story was much predictable. Young Theron loses the first time, then trained more hard, determined and won again. Well that didn’t fancy me. I was hoping for something different in that story which unfortunately didn’t happen. That’s my only concern in this context as I didn’t want anything to be predictable which it comes to the greatest of the battles.

Oh I forgot to mention about Theron bringing his new ability to make Dr. Zeus to scowl at the awe of losing, some sort of Submission Maneuver. I don’t know much of Theron’s moveset, I reckon your finishers are RKO and Shooting Star Press, aren’t they? I’m so exciting to see Theron’s new maneuver if there’s one supposed to be debuting inside the HELL!!

Other than that, this was something different about Theron. Special props to Theron for showing his vengeance against Dr. Zeus, his lust to bring back prosperity to WCZW, something in the whole new perspective. Brilliant work, mate.

Dr. Zeus

Come on mate, I thought it was me, who’s using the first modern tools like Audios, Videos & Drawings in my RP, but then came you, reminds me why YOU ARE the World Champion. Classy work in the audio, perhaps you should start to own radio station. I also started to wonder what sort of work you do in your real life. Alright, let’s not talk about non-sense.

You’re the greatest Doctor in the world, indeed and you cure people in your own way. But why did Dr. Zeus stutter in-front of Chasity before his Greatest battle? I didn’t like that mate, sorry. It was heck of a job that you put emphasis on Ramparte and John Doe’s stories albeit being the necessary part is to address your own enemy. Special props for that.

Your addressing of the match was short, but quite effective and noteworthy. You don’t want his body and mind to be broken but his soul to be shattered. It was nice, being Theron has a soul to never lose hope and faith. Pretty serious RP by both of you. I just hope the creative to write much greater story while writing the match than these two RPs.

Possibly, there’s been a chance for your Audio and Drawing, that might can give you afoot in this match. Brilliant piece of work by you too. Being a rookie, I learn a lot from you blokes and that’s one of the reason why I love giving feedback.

Cheers Mateys!!

 

[Lee]

Team Kick ass​

Yaz

Your first one "Deadline has been extended by 24 hours." wasn't very original, I've seen you do this one before.

Prince Vee

Great to see some cricket stuff mentioned, a proper geek out moment for sure.
I can't ever recall ever a cover of a song being sung and recorded for an RP. It's out of the box for sure but maybe a bit too out the box. I don't really like the love bit, it's cheesy and just feels a bit awkward. It almost reminds me of the padme/anakin "sand is coarse" bit.

The rest of the RP is better however. The bits with Vee's father always seem natural, it's like a father would act and how a son would too. It works quite well at this point of the rp.

Last section suffers for a few typos.

"I'm getting tired of your wanky shits" I don't want to know what a wanky shit is but should this be you?
Mikey replies with "Party popper" does he then fire a party popper or is he saying you're a party pooper?
M's line of "messed up you're mate" you'd say it as messed up you are mate, it just doesn't work.

I see what you were getting with the randomness of the team but the bit with the underwear at the end was just weird.

It's a here there and everywhere RP which works sometimes but this one doesn't have a flow sadly. Shame as your last RP did, keep focussed I know you can do it.

M

I've never realised it before until now but when people do an RP for a PPV they normally have a story then call out their opponents. That's fine but what I liked with yours is you called Constantine out first, shows the focus.

The rest told what needed to be done nothing really standing out here but that's fine. A few bits made me laugh and I like the character of M.

Yaz #2 RP

Mikey putting down Gino and Vee's line "I don't believe in God and that makes me smart" is hilarious. Playing the game to deal with the ins and outs of how to deal with the other team works.

Not sure why but I found it hilarious that Vee only had the exclamation mark at the end. It cements him as the odd one in the group, the grounded one.

Gino

No RP for you therefore no feedback.

 

[Lee]

Constantine # 1

I loved the Gino/Mikey bit to get on the team. Seeing it through Constantine's eyes made it so much better.

The description in this was great as ever and the thought of Holmes and Hunnicut smiling in the rain terrifies me.

Abel Hunnicut

Holmes/Constantine reminds me of the Rock and Austin bit from Mania the other year. Really good emotion, bringing up the history works so well.

Hunnicut's all monsters bit is glorious. So well done. you can feel the emotion of all three men in the room. Well done.

Constantine # 2

I wasn't too bothered about the ??? until reading your RP. I'm quite excited as to who it is now and that phone conversation was the perfect way to do it.


Kagura

Brilliant as ever. I loved the way Holmes almost had to backtrack when accused of calling her weak. The reason for her being in the match and the focus of her was well done.

For me it's obvious you communicated as a team, that sets you apart.

 

[Lee]

Mark Keaton


"the joke would be better if the author knew how to photoshop" had me in stitches.

This is the first Mark Keaton RP I've read and it's obvious you're having fun writing it. It reminds me a lot of older Titus RPs or ones Doc/Jglass etc did that were just bonkers. It's a good thing.

Justin Cooper.

I'm glad you're back. I liked the Bowen dig.

All in all good RP, the wave of emotions on whether Keaton would work is good. I think you'll be a good team, polar opposites but both seem up for WZCW.

Good to see an interviewer getting used as well. Focussing on MOM at the end was good as was the line about offering them autographs.

I think you two are a good team.

 

[Lee]

elegANT

Clearly a I'm busy need to hone in an RP type one. No feedback on this.

The Beard

The Beast comparison worked and it was clever linking X-Men with the PPV, nice touch. Not much to add on this

 

[Lee]

Eddie Romero

I want to say from the off since teaming with Logan you have improved so much. Hopefully more and more people notice it so keep it up.

I always like when people acknowledge history and brining up being beaten by Justin Cooper was a nice touch.

Though becoming a satanist at the end just was odd, it has come completely left field. This may hurt the overall RP but your style of writing has really improved.

Logan

I loved your RP, I've PM'd you but here are three lines that conveyed everything about your team:
"I don't know 'Eddie', Armando was my partner."
"Missy is scary dad. She's doing something to Eddie."
"As Logan enters the locker room, he sees Eddie and Missy already there, and something doesn't seem right."

I really didn't like the use of the word cunt in the RP. I'm a Brit and use it for hello but it just didn't sit right with me in this context. Calm the swearing down. It makes for better reading.

The inward battle though worked so well.

 

[Lee]

Flex Mussel


What a good idea for an RP. It worked that Showtime didn't RP as well (busy life this getting married lark) and the highlight reel was a nice touch. Asking to lose worked well and almost had an Authority feel to it (WWE will us that storyline I'm sure).

The ending was great, I always like when someone actually builds up their opponent. It makes you look better in victory.

 

[Lee]

Veejay

I'm a bit disappointed in this RP. Your last one was really good, this one was not. Not much to it, were you rushed? You didn't expand any storylines or anything.

You're capable of doing better and have been improving.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Vee

The song was a cool touch. Was that you in the video? If so, cool. I'm normally not a fan of recording stuff for RP's, but you and Haiku have delved nicely into this layer for RP's. Don't do it too often though. It's something I would save only for bigger matches like this one. It was also a bit long. I would not have recordings exceed more than one minute. I'd have said the same to Haiku had I been feedbacking his (may the best man win by the way, Haiku, if you're reading this!).

I agree with everything Lee said about your typos. The Poppers typo made me think of a spicier version of a Jalapeno popper, which is a far cry from a "party pooper". Typos are never your friend when writing a big match RP. Never heard of "wanky s***" here either. Polishing is an important part of an RP. Normally re-reading one last time (or a couple more times for a title match or a PPV match like this one) will find them. I know some may still slip through the cracks, however it doesn't hurt to try to find them all.

On the Swedish line, I have to addresss that since I'm the only one who will catch it, unless someone else speaks Swedish. "Bra jabbot älsking!" should have been "Bra job, min älsking!" if your intention was "Good job my Love!". I've never heard the word "jabbot" before. I have not been to Sweden since 1993, so if that is a newer word I will admit to standing corrected. My parents came to the states in 1981 so it is a 30 year old dialect that I speak, but from what my grandmother and cousins have told me when I speak with them in Swedish, it is almost entirely accurate with today's dialect. Whether this line was 100% right or not, I love that you use Swedish and I love being able to read it without translation which is a big part of why I chose to make Theron see Swedish as the "Elven" he speaks in-character.

I would like to see a little more developing on the thought conversations between Vee, Vee Alias, and Vimal. If this was the first RP someone read of yours, they would have no idea who Vee Alias and Vimal are. This is why I introduce all my Misfits by name and either race or character class each round. Someone new to my RP's won't know Sheshmish is a Swashbuckler Orc otherwise. Not the best example, but it is what came to mind. Help the readers to know what is going on here. Pointing out that it's a voice-over helps big time, but maybe developing on that some is something to look into for next cycle. Keep the "smart stuff" coming too, you're doing great in using it to set Vee apart from the rest.

On the Archimedes conversation, it would have been hilarious if one of the other teammates (most likely Mikey for this) would have thought Vee meant Merlin's Owl from The Sword In The Stone movie. What you did still worked though.

Not much else is really sticking out that Lee didn't already catch. I thought your RP last round was a little stronger, but you formatted very well and addressed the chemistry your team has (pun intended, since you have the smart character) as well as the importance of the match. I thought yours was the strongest RP on Team Kickass for the round, so I expect Vee will have a good showing in the match.

 

[Dagger Dias]

Logan

Have you considered using the script style when writing? That comes to mind immediately for me when I read any RP that doesn't use it. The script style helps show who is talking a lot better than the novel style. You do not have to change to that style if you do not wish to, but there are definitely a couple of other formatting things that could have been done differently here. People shouldn't talk in all bolded text. Hayden's name getting a different color in a spoken line of dialogue looked weird. Did Logan pronounce Hayden's name with more emphasis because of this? Hayden is not in this scene so his name should have been highlighted during one of the descriptions in the scene he appears in instead. I would try changing up the formatting a little bit. Here is how I would have formatted the first scene you wrote, for example:

====

Logan and Eddie were standing face to face in the locker room post Ascension 102. Brittany was also visibly angry, but was keeping to herself for the moment.

Eddie: Chill out Logan, I thought I saw an opportunity, and wanted to take it.

Eddie was resting against the wall, irritated at the situation. Logan was doing his best to not lose it on his friend.

Logan: There was no NEED though man!! I had those two on the ropes, we were in a great spot. You've changed man, I don't know 'Eddie', Armando was my partner.

Logan walks past Eddie, as Brittany looks at him, putting away her phone and opening her arms for him to embrace her.

Brittany: Not to interrupt you guys, but our next match has been announced already. #1 contendah match on the pre show. It's us, Bearded GentleAnts and the team of Keaton and Coopah.

Logan looks at Brittany, a sense of surprise on his face. They'd just lost, yet were gonna still get a chance to get at the titles? Logan looks over at Eddie, who's on his phone, most likely talking to that evil woman. They've beaten The Beard and elegANT before, and the other team Logan didn't know much about. Right now, he didn't care though.

Logan: So Eddie, think we can work togethah and get a win? We win, then we get that title shot.

Eddie looks at Logan before nodding quietly.

Logan: Okay, this time we travel together. Apocalypse is in Brazil, so we'll leave in a few days. Britt can you go get Hayden so we can head back to the hotel?

Logan holds out his hand, and Eddie shakes it, the two seemingly back on the same page.

Logan: See you in a couple days then.

====

This looks a lot neater than the way you formatted it and would be easier for readers to read.

Now, on to the content of the RP. I liked what you wrote for the most part. It got a little too vulgar at times. Words like "b*tch", which while they do not break the forum rules, are unpleasant to read. I would not use this word more than once in an RP, in spoken dialogue to really drive home how much a character dislikes a female character. Brittany's like about Missy is where I would have used it. I also do not think the word "c*nt" should ever be used in an RP. Yes it does not break the forum rules, but it is even more unpleasant than "b*tch" is. You succeeded in showing the tension between Brittany and Missy, just overdid it a little. A lot of "f*ck"s too. Take it with a grain of salt, but I certainly would consider toning down on vulgarity as a whole in the future.

If the plans are for Logan and Eddie to split if they do not win the #1 contendership, then you created the foundation for an implosion feud very well in this RP. You guys were doing really well as a team during Kingdom Come, however Missy is really ruining everything. Logan could make for a good singles competitor if you guys do split, so if you guys do plan to do that, I look forward to the likely team-implosion feud. The disagreement over Missy's involvement could be a catalyst for that.

If you guys do NOT intend to split, then you need to drop Missy. IMMEDIATELY. Have Logan and Brittany snap Eddie out of it somehow and find a way to write her out of the story arc by next round. I'm serious. You guys might have won this round (by my unofficial voting anyway) had you submitted work more like your Kingdom Come work this round. Men Of Mayhem can still be a good team, but teams require both members to submit winning RP's and the Missy/satanist scene in Eddie's dragged down Logan a lot this round, and her character in general did you guys no favors this cycle. So either use her to split you guys up, or get rid of her as an NPC.

Sorry if I got a little blunt in this feedback. Logan has good potential and I want you to get there. I want Eddie/Armando to improve as well. Keep it up.

 

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

Remarkable Mark Keaton

First off, why can't you Photoshop like every other normal internet user on the .coms? Come on man! You totally blew that Mega Man joke to start out the RP and frankly, I threw my computer off the table when you said you couldn't do it.

After getting a new laptop I continued reading your RP. I liked how you toned down the insanity on this RP because sometimes you......oh nevermind there's a rock concert I'm reading here and screaming...

In future RPs I'd like more side characters, you only have one or two unimportant people floating around in your RPs, what about a clown? Or maybe a talking dog, give it kind of a Disney feel Ya? Warmhearted. Have more happy endings where Keaton finally finds the remote to the T.V under the couch and tears roll down his cheeks.

Make Keaton fall in love with inanimate object, like a truck or car. ( But no sex scenes please) have him take the car to the movies. Romance!

 

[Lee]

Ramparte

I loved the metaness of not liking Haiku's, brilliant.
I liked it and it's clearly a transition phase for Ramparte.

Alice, Battie, Zeus and Ramparte all mix well together. Good RP nothing to fault.


Matt Tastic

I love this RP, you set the tone so well in the description getting the full scope of emotions. Few people pull it off as well as you do.

I laughed at the "I have a weird job" part, very well done. Your monologue at the end pulls it up nicely, showing just how far Matt Tastic has come. Great work and enjoyable RP.

 

[Lee]

Eve Taylor

I like this RP a lot. The feeling of prestige of the belt kinda goes hand in hand with my current plans for EurAsian, always funny when it works out like that.

The setting of the museum and how much Garth has changed was exactly what was needed to counter Garth's RP. Good stuff.

Garth Black.

Intentional or not your "I don't want this title I want the world title" worked so well with Eve's RP of putting it in high esteem.

I liked it, it fir the narrative of what you've been doing but it's obvious that you don't really want to win the match. Not much to add to it really.

 

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

Abel Hunnicut

I liked starting the RP in a visceral hunting scene with a young Abel locking eyes with a dying animal. That was a nice opening and I actually wish you made it a little longer and meld it into the -NOW- portion of the RP.

You are a good writer and Abel is one of the few big monsters in WZCW. I liked how you used Apocalypse and what was bugging Abel....yet he didn't speak yet. His handler arrived and did all the speaking until the end, when Abel talks and that was really cool. You used Abel with an obvious backwoods type accent to perfection.

I often forget what Mark Keaton should -Sound- like when writing an RP. If he has any accents and what era he should be borrowing his gimmick sound or phrases from.

Abel is perfect when he spoke. He's a monster and even though I picked Flex Mussel to win the tournament, everyone better watch the fuck out for this walking, talking transfer truck.

 

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

M

*This review of M's RP for Gold Rush vs VEE A.D.Z may contain spoilers. Readers discretion is advised.*

Clearly the most - Out there - in WZCW. The character of M, who has now embraced his Face side of villainy, is also seemingly struggling to comprehend how he can be so close to the brass ring, but fall short time after time.
We begin our journey through the RP as the Apocalypse PPV is ending and we get a first person view of M leaving the match, cut open and forgotten immediately by nearby fans. We feel what's running through his head as he grabs the metal bar in the bathroom stall and pushes with all his might. He shouldn't push that hard, he could tear something. What's his hurry anyway? And when he screams ....sorry that didn't really happen, I was just testing to see if you were paying attention.

M finds his match on a golden ticket under a table in a diner that's over his headquarters that's also over another restaurant.

Reading Ms work reminds me of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, all he would need was side tidbits of useless but hilarious information about unimportant NPCs if included and his transformation would be complete. Love it.

 

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

VEE A.D.Z.


Starting out the RP we can see VEE is staggering to the back area after an early elimination in his match at Apocalypse. VEE ends up in the hospital with his woman worried about his well being. *I don't like saying negative things about RPs, but there's a minor grammar error here and there, I think two in total. There was a misplaced word and a slight structure mistake in another part...I'm not a good one to talk about that though. The good part is it's barely noticeable and doesn't distract from the RP.*

VEE diagnosed himself before the doctor could finish what he was saying and the RP continued. I really like the VEE A.D.Z character. I think he's a fascinating creation and there is a wide open field of possibilities with the guy.
What I don't care about is his girlfriend, I really don't know why either. I feel that she kind of drags his character down a bit. She's unremarkable compared to his character but this is just one RP to be fair.

Excellent writing and if I was a judge for Gold Rush I'd have a hell of a time picking who advances between VEE and M. Great job.

 

[Prince Vee]

This RP was quite different as the story had been told from different perspective. In certain spots, I really enjoyed it. For instance "I stomped at his leg a couple of times, hoping to slow him down". It was really cool to see the creative side of you from a different perspective. You had used your strength to a good extent.

It was fitting that you used Logan to face you in the ring than Veejay or Vee A.D.Z. As your character needs to face a tough challenge rather than some Middleweights or lightweights. Good writing overall. I don't see any cons here. Simple and strong.

 

[Richard Blonoff]

Surprise feedback for my Apocalypse Teammates, except KJ because no one liked that surprise.

M

I rather like how you chose to open the RP. The flashback and solid description of said flashback was a good choice.

I also like how you detail what makes M unique. It helps paint a picture of who M is, even if a character like him can be hard to pin down.

The few lines about M being alone gave me a bit of a chuckle. I always appreciate comedy, and you are one of the better guys we have at it.

The end of the RP is solid as well, with the rundown of M's past opponents and failures. A good face refuses to stay down, and I know all to well the pain of losing when the spotlight is on you.

The only real drawback to this RP is that it didn't include a lot about Vee. I don't think that all RPs necessarily need to be a promo, but I would have liked to see a little more regarding your opponent.

Vee

So much like M, you went with a flashback to Apocalypse to start the RP. Not a bad start.

The visit to the doctor is something we have seen a bit more of lately, but I still feel it can be effective when used correctly and your usage was solid. The Z-Pack joke was decent as well.

I like that when you address M that you do so in a respectful manner. You are both faces, so you didn't need to cut a scathing promo on him. You kept in clean and helped solidify Vee as a good guy. You did use the wrong shade of green for Mikey though

On the flip side, I will say that I am a curious to see what the payoff is concerning the multiple voices that Vee is hearing. I'm not going to be quick to judge because you could have a good reason in a future RP, but they came seemingly out of nowhere in your last couple of RPs.


All in all these were two evenly matched RPs, probably the closest two that I have read thus far. It isn't fun going out in the first round of the tournament, I know from experience, but neither of you have anything to be ashamed of if you lose. Two solid efforts.

 

[Prince Vee]

One of the funniest RPs I have read. I don’t know how the other would consider this as, but I laughed in many parts. The strength of your RP is that you never fool around with the importance of match albeit the RP being funny. This RP isn’t an exception as well. Good work addressing the history between Matt Tastic and Steve Holmes. It is needed to be addressed because the dirtier works of Abel is stimulated and manipulated by Steve Holmes himself. Really a nice and funny RP to read and it’s quite surprising how you bravely come up with such a RP against the serious RP of Abel. Props for that. Special props indeed because I really struggled hard to write a RP against M. It was a tough task for me. In that context, your RP is really a brilliant work. Entertaining.

PS. Matt Tastic has a date now??

 

[Prince Vee]

Logan McAllistar & Titus Avison

Sorry Diablos, I don’t know you and your RP was creepy to read so I skipped it sort of.

Alright, coming to the point, I’m going to give the comparative statement which I used to do time to time, for Logan and Titus is for some particular reasons. I always have wanted Logan to focus more on Hayden as his character revolves around his Son. I have also said that in plenty of feedbacks and in personal chats as well, to use Hayden a little more. Unfortunately, you had been caught in the brilliance of LEE!!

I always had fancied the brilliance of Titus. His greatest strength that I consider is, he notices the weakness of his opponents very well. Consider it blaming Johnny Scumm for the death of his Brother or pointing out how Logan isn’t focusing on Hayden, Lee is absolutely brilliant. His RP was short and strong.

Nevertheless, Logan’s RP wasn’t bad either. I love the way how he started to embrace the face turn and his interaction with the kids outside the arena are all awesome. I personally don’t like short conversations; I mean when the sentences shows no feelings. The words should express themselves, I had learned that from Dave, Theron, Funkay and many others. When you read their RPs you’ll know too. After all we both are new here and we still need to learn a lot more I reckon.

 

[Prince Vee]

Eve Taylor

Good to see, Eve has someone to talk with rather than Stacey Maddison. I still remember the reason why you prefer her for doing interviews as Leon stares at Eve’s boobs

Anyhow, keeping that story aside, it is still surprising to see who had stolen the Elite Openweight Title. I reckon it might can be Diablos. But the whole RP was nice to read, even with those red blankets and dark something ahhh was lurking in time to time. The RP was quite brilliant as there weren’t flaw or diversion throughout the RP. Tough challenge for Veejay.

Veejay

Ahhhhh, good old Indian movie. It’s been ages since I watched some good old Indian movies. Despite being in India I despise Indian Movies and its sentiments. The last Indian movie I watched and loved was PK (not only the reason I’m atheist, but the movie was wonderful). But this RP seemed like some old movie, that isn’t a complain though. Because it was something people never seen here before, so it was quite alright I reckon. The problem is though, the lack of character development of Saffron. Without that the sentiment looked a tad dull.

It was a strong comeback in the final parts of your RP when you made it clear why you want and need to win. I really liked that part. I fancied your past works, just to let you know. I read a RP where Veejay would start a fight club and in the end bludgeons the survivor to become the only Survivor. I fancied that part and I was envy of you. It has been missing lately. I know the time constraint because I’m in India too and I know the times you post your RPs. Get some sleep mate Veejay’s face turns hurts him slightly, but I know you can comeback stronger.

 

[Prince Vee]

John Doe

This was something new. Something we haven’t seen with John Doe. I really liked every part of it, except that Johnny Klamor was seen throwing chairs around when Doe is around. It is supposed to be the opposite shouldn’t it? I reckon even the presence of John Doe should be intimidating.

It was a brilliant work emphasizing the unimportance of the Titles for John Doe. He is destined for big things and the titles will make him stale. It wasn’t a loss for John Doe at the Apocalypse, it was something like Bray Wyatt losing a PPV (although he loses every PPV it makes people think he is destined for something big) but John Doe indeed will achieve something big.

Tony Marcini

Nice RP to kickstart the career of your character. Everything done was rational I consider. Whether it be, Mr. Banks explaining why he is recruiting Tony albeit his past and apparent relationship with a crime family or the reason why we’re going to see a lot of Agent. Henderson in the backstage, it was pretty rational. I although have one problem. The over usage of the word ‘Sir’ in the conversations. Tony is supposedly a heel he shouldn’t use that word, nor does the Federal Agent. Other than that, this is a nice one.

 

[Jeff Deliverer of Mail]

DIABOLO.

I was skimming through what RP to read and stopped and poured blood on myself to read this RP. I really wish I knew what the hell was going on here...it's a cool image you are drawing with words...but I didn't have a clue who Super Nova and this other guy was off of the bat. I can only assume this is a continuing story and others know who this guy is. He hits his level 5 punch and kills this guy after they were fighting in a thunderstorm in the middle of the woods....for some reason.

After not knowing this opening character I move to the wrestler himself and it looks like he's killed somebody at a frat house, took a selfie and fled the scene.....after bleeding walls, a skull inside the floor that silences crying babies if crushed and eaten....maybe I'm just missing an important factoid or two with the backstory but I truly didn't know what was going on. That's not to say it lacks creativity and creeping dark goodness...it's just unclear as to what exactly I was reading.