Talk to Santy Clause live

C

CCS

Getting Noticed By Management
http://www.santabot.com/


That shit's hilarious. Here's how my conversation went.

Santa: Hello! What is your name?
You: CCS
Santa: Welcome to my chat room, CCS .
You: My pleasure
Santa: You are one of the most polite people I know.
You: Yeah , the chicks digg it
Santa: I don't judge people. What is your real name?
You: I dont give my name to people online. Are you a child predator ?
Santa: Where do you get your ideas?I am considered safe for children.
You: Realy ? Because i heard perverts give candy to children.
Santa: For real.That makes sense to me. Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.
You: While you're kiddie fiddling ?
Santa: Good point.
You: You just admitted it! PERVERT!
Santa: That's not what I meant.My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
You: Way to back pedal , Santa perve.
Santa: I lost my train of thought.
You: You was looking at kiddie porn wasnt you ?
Santa: Thanks for telling me: CCS said I was looking at kiddie porn was not me.
You: You'll go to hell for that
Santa: What makes you say that I will go to hell for that.
You: You touched a kid's no-no's
Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people: CCS said I touched a kid's no-no's.
You: sure
Santa: OK let's do it. It goes without saying.
 
You: nah, just the one's about momma fucking
Santa: That's me. Who told you that?

He asked me if I read Freud's works....

Santa did more than kiss mom underneath the mistletoe.


You: did you come from an egg?
Santa: No I didn't come from an egg. What's come from an egg like?

Best answer to this question gets rep.
 
You: You are beginning to sound like a creeper.
Santa: Oh really what does a creeper like a creeper creeper like a creeper sound like?
You: Are you dropping acid by any chance?
Santa: I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
You: I'll take that as a yes.
Santa: Take everything I say with a grain of salt.
You: I'd rather not.
Santa: For moral reasons?
You: For intellectual reasons.
Santa: Your purpose is intellectual reasons.
You: The Fuck? Are you ******ed?
Santa: I hear you.No I am super-intelligent.
You: You: Evidence contradicts that statement.
Santa: Thanks for the information: Murfish said I Evidence contradicts that statement.
Click to expand...

...the fuck?
 
You: Spunky
Santa: I am always glad to make new friends, Spunky .

You: As long as you dont try anything weird, We'll be alright
Santa: That could be quite a while. Should I try anything weird we will be alright? Yes I try to try anything weird we will be alright as often as possible, do you?

You: I watched 1 guy, 1 cup the other night, Have you?
Santa: How was 1 guy 1 cup the other night Have you?

You: Well, When he was picking glass out of himself, It felt pity for him, I be screaming if that happened to me, But he took it like a man.
Santa: How about that. And the what happened?

You: Well, Assume he went to the hospital after.
Santa: Interesting. What do you do in your spare time?

You: I'm talking to a self aware computer program, Go figure.
Santa: Say something nice for me

You: Your wife has a nice rack, I'd hit it.
Santa: I am not married.

You: Oh, So there are two MR. Clause's?
Santa: Yeah that's right. Hmm. Is this some kind of math problem?

You: Can I have a fleshlight this year?
Santa: You want only one?

You: one of each actually. As long as they arent second hand.
Santa: One what?That could be quite a while. Maybe some of them are.

You: I dont like sloppy seconds
Santa: What do you like?

You: Pussy
Santa: That kind of subject does not interest me.

You: Oh, sorry I forgot you go the other way.
Santa: Yeah that's right. There is no need to apologize. Thats okay I forget things all the time

You: Does not wearing any clothes drop into that section?
Santa: It does now :) wearing any clothes drop into that section.

You: You dirty old bastard.
Santa: Do you mind if I tell other people: Spunky said I dirty old bastard.

You: Tell whoever you want you freak, I'm going to the NSPCC.
Santa: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.

You: At least you admit your faults
Santa: I admit nothing.

You: you just have you tool.
Santa: What makes you think I have you tool?

You: I said YOUR a tool, Not you can touch my tool.
I am Santa. I give presents to kids.

You: As long as your presents do involve your homebrew Spunky.
Santa: That could be quite a while. You don't know that for a fact.

You: thats why i'm worried, You come down my chimmeny and it wont end well for you.
Santa: I can't tell you that, but Santa maintains his naughty and nice list (now computerized, by the way), with the help of all the elves who keep track of each person -- you probably aren't even aware they are around you, but elves have a special way of keeping an eye on you. Sometimes if you look quickly enough you *might* catch one peering in a window or around a corner, but you would have to be very fast and very good!

You: OH MY GOD! Your following me?
Santa: Yeah that's right. Have you told many people that your GOD?What about yours?

You: I'm going to kill myself before you can gang rape me, tell Will Ferral this shop is closed.
Santa: Killing is wrong. I believe in the Ten Commandments.

You: You love thy neibour just a little too much.
Santa: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times LOVE seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless

I was chatting to him for around 15 minutes.
 
You: How often do you and Mrs. Clause get it on?
Santa: Hourly.I'm "Claus" for my friends. "Nikolaos" for all the boring adults. It's a Greek name, because I was born in the Greek town of Patara 1800 years ago. Later, I became bishop of Myra, and more later even a saint ... Saint Nikolaos - Santa Claus. You see?
 
The rated R Spunkystar said:
I couldnt help but watch that jar smash over, And over again.
Click to expand...

Once was quite enough for me...

I didn't even finish the video...Right in the middle of him pulling the shards of glass out, I closed the window, and forwarded it to all my other friends...

We probably should've kept it quiet, and pushed for everyone in here to see it...They'll never watch it now...
 
I cant believe he wasnt screaming, I'd proberly faint, Mind you I wouldnt sit on a fucking jam jar in the first place.

Anyone that hasnt watched this, You should, It the biggest WTF moment of the year.
 
The rated R Spunkystar said:
I cant believe he wasnt screaming, I'd proberly faint, Mind you I wouldnt sit on a fucking jam jar in the first place.

Anyone that hasnt watched this, You should, It the biggest WTF moment of the year.
Click to expand...

Of the century...Easy...

I don't like sitting down with my keys in my pocket, so I could only imagine how much pain that would be...And, I can't help but think he squeezed on the jar to make it crush...Only way I can picture it, is that he's done it before, and is used to it...

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when he's at the hospital though.

Doctor: "How'd this happen?"
Ass-Glass: "Umm...my girlfriend put it on the chair as I was sitting down...?"
Doctor: :banghead:
 
Actually do you think he's going to prison, Lining you asshole with broken glass is a good idea in that instance.
 
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