Save_Me_Y2G!!! Return to the past???

[Total Impact]

Last night I went to the club and got real drunk and had a great time out. I danced with some girls, got a few numbers and even met a girl that I think I would to see more than once for a good time. Anyway I leave the club and a black cat crosses my path, I said to myself, “I ‘m going to hear some news tonight.” So I go to my parents house because it’s the closes place to me and I as too drunk to make anywhere further.

Its 4:00 in the morning and I’m in that good drunk mood. I had just eat some good chili, turned the A/C on and the house was cool and I was about to go to sleep when my folks come home. My mom rushes to me and tells me she needs to speak with me.

Apparently when her and my dad were out, they ran into my ex girlfriend/fiancée. My mom and her talk and I guess it went well as I haven’t seen the girl in 3 years and so haven’t my mother, but the conversation was said to be nice. My mom tells me that she is in town for the week as it’s spring break and that my ex hope we can run into each other.

Now my mom seemed happy as she knows this girl could get me on the right track, like stop going out do stupid shit and maybe even give up drinking. However, the last time I saw the girl, I threaten to choke the shit out of her and shoot her little boyfriend with my gun and I was dead serious.

I’m thinking that 3 years has past and maybe she is cool with the idea of me again. I mean for the past 3 years I haven’t any girl that comes close to her in looks and way I feel about them. And I think her relationship is over, as my mom was out in a restaurant/casino and she was with friends who all were with their boyfriends.

Now I know where she hangs out and if I want to see her, I could find her. The question that I’m asking, should I go found her and talk to her. Because while I want to see her, I don’t know what I would do if I did see her. I’m not sure if I would hug her, kiss her, or slap the shit out her remembering the anger I had when the last time we were together.

I know I want the girl back in my life, but the memories of the fighting and what happen after we broke up, the thoughts of her with another man just get me a little angry. Then when I think of all the trash I have been talking to over the past 3 it makes me angry that I really haven’t move on, just floated along from bed to bed.

I’m struggling with this, because with her, I would be happy, but with her I would be miserable. My problem is that I always remember and I talk about things in a frank way and I would want to know everything she has done in past 3 years with other guys knowing that I couldn’t handle it, that would drive me away from her. This one relationship has fucked up 9 relationships I’ve had since.

My mind is split in the middle, saying go for it/forget about her. My heart is telling me nothing. My dreams are telling me that I need to see what will happen. So does anybody have any advice.

Will, I will be looking forward to your words.

 

[Lil Wes]

Will, that you?

 

[C.M.]

Will, that you?

I was thinking the same thing

 

[Mighty NorCal]

Will, that you?

 

[Total Impact]

Theonebigwill is what I meant. Bad typing night.

 

[Lil Wes]

Theonebigwill is what I meant. Bad typing night.

^^

Nope. Can't be Will. That post was too short.

 

[RVDgurl]

Mr. Collins, you need to let it go. You would only be moving backwards. If you need to get "on the right track" then do that for yourself not for an ex (I stress EX) girlfriend. Find a nice girl that you can get to know and make a fresh start- with no baggage.

 

[Shadowmancer]

Personally I would go and talk with her to try and part on at least friendly terms, rather than what you and she left with. Then move on. Thats my theory on life. Leave things on a positive note and Positivity should follow you round.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Last night I went to the club and got real drunk and had a great time out. I danced with some girls, got a few numbers and even met a girl that I think I would to see more than once for a good time. Anyway I leave the club and a black cat crosses my path, I said to myself, “I ‘m going to hear some news tonight.” So I go to my parents house because it’s the closes place to me and I as too drunk to make anywhere further.

When you say you would like to meet her more than once for a good time, do you mean sexually = good time, or do you mean good time = possible workable relationship?

This is the first bit of everything I caught onto, and held onto. I think you definately need to keep this girl in mind, if you really enjoyed talking with her and think she could be a possibility for something further.

Its 4:00 in the morning and I’m in that good drunk mood. I had just eat some good chili, turned the A/C on and the house was cool and I was about to go to sleep when my folks come home. My mom rushes to me and tells me she needs to speak with me.

A.) Why on EARTH was your Parents out until 4a.m. in the morning? I've never known any Parents who weren't in bed by 1a.m. (unless they work overnights)

B.) She randomly/instantly wakes you up to inform you of all of this. Even if you weren't fully asleep, she still excitedly rushed to you, to inform you.. which means in her eyes things went good and something may of been said to give her the impression your Ex may want you back in her life as something more. BE CAREFUL!

Apparently when her and my dad were out, they ran into my ex girlfriend/fiancée. My mom and her talk and I guess it went well as I haven’t seen the girl in 3 years and so haven’t my mother, but the conversation was said to be nice. My mom tells me that she is in town for the week as it’s spring break and that my ex hope we can run into each other.

This doesn't always mean she suddenly wants you back. This could randomly mean shes gotten over the past with you almost SHOOTING her, and shes ready to try and patch things up to possibly just be a friend?

Then again, I don't know the girl. Perhaps she remembers the good times you two had, and questions if something could work.

Honestly though, she moved on at some point in the past. With that being said, its got to be extremely hard to trust her in assuming she couldn't/wouldn't easily do it to you again.

Now my mom seemed happy as she knows this girl could get me on the right track, like stop going out do stupid shit and maybe even give up drinking. However, the last time I saw the girl, I threaten to choke the shit out of her and shoot her little boyfriend with my gun and I was dead serious.

This is a very, very bad sign. This almost makes me want to tell you not to even meet up with her. If you went so far before as to almost seriously and fatally hurt this girl, who knows what emotions could be resurfaced and cause you to want to hurt her again. Or blame her even more, for things that by now you should've really let die.

I’m thinking that 3 years has past and maybe she is cool with the idea of me again. I mean for the past 3 years I haven’t any girl that comes close to her in looks and way I feel about them. And I think her relationship is over, as my mom was out in a restaurant/casino and she was with friends who all were with their boyfriends.

This is where I feel we're similar again. I too, have someone from my past (2001-2002) that I'll never fully be over. And it torments my mind in knowing that. It makes me feel that if at any random time she suddenly wanted something to happen between us, if I'd completely and instantly agree.. or if I'd be capable of trusting her, because of how things ended in the past. (I have trust issues, to say the very least)

The thing that makes this hard, is because if this girl was your "everything" then regardless of what anyone says to do, you're always going to live with the "What If's" in your mind. I know I would. So with that being said, I think its at least open to meet her again.. refind the friendship and go from there.

Now I know where she hangs out and if I want to see her, I could find her. The question that I’m asking, should I go found her and talk to her. Because while I want to see her, I don’t know what I would do if I did see her. I’m not sure if I would hug her, kiss her, or slap the shit out her remembering the anger I had when the last time we were together.

This is another very bad sign. If you even remotely feel you COULD still be physically angry and upset over the things shes done to you in the past, its a "red flag" that shoots up directly.

Instantly telling you that she is an off-limits situation. If you haven't accepted in 3 years what happened, happened, then you likely never will.

The thing is, you have to come to understand things don't always happen the way we want them to. Yes you can get upset at anyone for that, but the fact is you can't blame them for not wanting what you do. I've had several events happen in my life that I questioned why they went so wrong, when things seemed so perfect, so right. And the fact is, things just happen. They don't always have to have reason behind them, and just because you don't understand why, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be. And it doesn't make them wrong.

I know I want the girl back in my life, but the memories of the fighting and what happen after we broke up, the thoughts of her with another man just get me a little angry. Then when I think of all the trash I have been talking to over the past 3 it makes me angry that I really haven’t move on, just floated along from bed to bed.

This is another huge sign that you haven't fully recovered from what happened between the two of you in the beginning. And while some, including myself would even slightly mean that is a sign that you only want her. It doesn't mean she only wants you, and it doesn't mean thats whats meant to be.

I think the logical thing that you MUST do, is find peace within yourself. You may not ever understand completely or fully recover from being hurt. I know I'll have scars in my life from past events, but it doesn't mean I can't move on and continue living my life.

From how it sounds with you, you aren't happy with yourself. And of all people, I know first hand you have to find a happiness and a peace within yourself, before you can ever be happy with anyone else.

You can't rely on someone to make you happy, (even though "I've" tried) because at the end of the day.. you can't be sure they'll always be there. And when/if they ever leave, so does that happiness that you allowed to be all you needed.

I’m struggling with this, because with her, I would be happy, but with her I would be miserable. My problem is that I always remember and I talk about things in a frank way and I would want to know everything she has done in past 3 years with other guys knowing that I couldn’t handle it, that would drive me away from her. This one relationship has fucked up 9 relationships I’ve had since.

It sounds to me like you don't know exactly what you want, which is another sign to stop and think things out. Figure out what YOU want with YOUR life. Don't figure out who you want in it, figure out what you're doing with it.

Like I said, you can't be dependant on anyone to be there for you, except you. Maybe its my lack of trust for females, or people in general, but the fact is you shouldn't sell yourself out in trusting anyone. Especially if its only because they batted their eyes at you, or suddenly remembered you and want you back.

My mind is split in the middle, saying go for it/forget about her. My heart is telling me nothing. My dreams are telling me that I need to see what will happen. So does anybody have any advice.

Will, I will be looking forward to your words.

Look, my final piece of advice, my final word to you.. meet her. Because the "What If" will haunt and kill you, if you don't.

However understand this very clearly. Mother's have a huge way of misunderstanding things. They always want to see whats best for their children and in doing so, often lead them on to believe what wasn't the actual truth. (In other words, your Mother could be blowing this whole thing up, in your ex saying she'd LIKE to see you again.. and your Mother taking that as she suddenly wants you again)

I suggest that if you still hold strong feelings for this girl, as I'm sure you do, then meet her.. but don't assume everything will fall into place and DO NOT assume you're going to suddenly get back together. Because if you do, and she hits you in the face with how shes suddenly engaged to someone else that isn't there with her, or she breaks the news to you that shes dating someone who isn't there, it'll cause you to want to blow up in blaming her for leading you on.. when in fact, it wasn't her leading anything. It was you assuming everything.

This isn't your typical sex related reply, so I know this girl has to have some effect on you. I wish you the very best in luck, and I hope things work out for the best. If a friendship is all that can be, take it. Trust me, those who mean the most to me.. just because I can't "be" with them, doesn't mean I don't want them in my life at all.

 

[Colamania]

^^^

Didn't read a word. This is the bar room. Shorten the posts!

 

[HBK-aholic]

^^^

Didn't read a word. This is the bar room. Shorten the posts!

Amen.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

^^^

Didn't read a word. This is the bar room. Shorten the posts!

Couldn't give a shit less to care what you think. I can think and act without being controlled. You should try it sometime.

Furthermore, he actually ASKED for my input. I didn't read anywhere in his post where he said anything of the following.

"Could someone who's pussy whipped please give me advice? Perhaps theres some naive young tool out there, who could tell me how to be controlled with the best of them."

If he wants his dick sucked, I'm sure he'll look your way. Until then, if you don't wish to read it.. then don't. But unlike you, people think for themselves and have the ability to read or skip without you eluding explaining that.

 

[Lil Wes]

Classic Will.

 

[Total Impact]

When you say you would like to meet her more than once for a good time, do you mean sexually = good time, or do you mean good time = possible workable relationship?

This is the first bit of everything I caught onto, and held onto. I think you definately need to keep this girl in mind, if you really enjoyed talking with her and think she could be a possibility for something further.



A.) Why on EARTH was your Parents out until 4a.m. in the morning? I've never known any Parents who weren't in bed by 1a.m. (unless they work overnights)

B.) She randomly/instantly wakes you up to inform you of all of this. Even if you weren't fully asleep, she still excitedly rushed to you, to inform you.. which means in her eyes things went good and something may of been said to give her the impression your Ex may want you back in her life as something more. BE CAREFUL!



This doesn't always mean she suddenly wants you back. This could randomly mean shes gotten over the past with you almost SHOOTING her, and shes ready to try and patch things up to possibly just be a friend?

Then again, I don't know the girl. Perhaps she remembers the good times you two had, and questions if something could work.

Honestly though, she moved on at some point in the past. With that being said, its got to be extremely hard to trust her in assuming she couldn't/wouldn't easily do it to you again.



This is a very, very bad sign. This almost makes me want to tell you not to even meet up with her. If you went so far before as to almost seriously and fatally hurt this girl, who knows what emotions could be resurfaced and cause you to want to hurt her again. Or blame her even more, for things that by now you should've really let die.



This is where I feel we're similar again. I too, have someone from my past (2001-2002) that I'll never fully be over. And it torments my mind in knowing that. It makes me feel that if at any random time she suddenly wanted something to happen between us, if I'd completely and instantly agree.. or if I'd be capable of trusting her, because of how things ended in the past. (I have trust issues, to say the very least)

The thing that makes this hard, is because if this girl was your "everything" then regardless of what anyone says to do, you're always going to live with the "What If's" in your mind. I know I would. So with that being said, I think its at least open to meet her again.. refind the friendship and go from there.



This is another very bad sign. If you even remotely feel you COULD still be physically angry and upset over the things shes done to you in the past, its a "red flag" that shoots up directly.

Instantly telling you that she is an off-limits situation. If you haven't accepted in 3 years what happened, happened, then you likely never will.

The thing is, you have to come to understand things don't always happen the way we want them to. Yes you can get upset at anyone for that, but the fact is you can't blame them for not wanting what you do. I've had several events happen in my life that I questioned why they went so wrong, when things seemed so perfect, so right. And the fact is, things just happen. They don't always have to have reason behind them, and just because you don't understand why, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be. And it doesn't make them wrong.



This is another huge sign that you haven't fully recovered from what happened between the two of you in the beginning. And while some, including myself would even slightly mean that is a sign that you only want her. It doesn't mean she only wants you, and it doesn't mean thats whats meant to be.

I think the logical thing that you MUST do, is find peace within yourself. You may not ever understand completely or fully recover from being hurt. I know I'll have scars in my life from past events, but it doesn't mean I can't move on and continue living my life.

From how it sounds with you, you aren't happy with yourself. And of all people, I know first hand you have to find a happiness and a peace within yourself, before you can ever be happy with anyone else.

You can't rely on someone to make you happy, (even though "I've" tried) because at the end of the day.. you can't be sure they'll always be there. And when/if they ever leave, so does that happiness that you allowed to be all you needed.



It sounds to me like you don't know exactly what you want, which is another sign to stop and think things out. Figure out what YOU want with YOUR life. Don't figure out who you want in it, figure out what you're doing with it.

Like I said, you can't be dependant on anyone to be there for you, except you. Maybe its my lack of trust for females, or people in general, but the fact is you shouldn't sell yourself out in trusting anyone. Especially if its only because they batted their eyes at you, or suddenly remembered you and want you back.



Look, my final piece of advice, my final word to you.. meet her. Because the "What If" will haunt and kill you, if you don't.

However understand this very clearly. Mother's have a huge way of misunderstanding things. They always want to see whats best for their children and in doing so, often lead them on to believe what wasn't the actual truth. (In other words, your Mother could be blowing this whole thing up, in your ex saying she'd LIKE to see you again.. and your Mother taking that as she suddenly wants you again)

I suggest that if you still hold strong feelings for this girl, as I'm sure you do, then meet her.. but don't assume everything will fall into place and DO NOT assume you're going to suddenly get back together. Because if you do, and she hits you in the face with how shes suddenly engaged to someone else that isn't there with her, or she breaks the news to you that shes dating someone who isn't there, it'll cause you to want to blow up in blaming her for leading you on.. when in fact, it wasn't her leading anything. It was you assuming everything.

This isn't your typical sex related reply, so I know this girl has to have some effect on you. I wish you the very best in luck, and I hope things work out for the best. If a friendship is all that can be, take it. Trust me, those who mean the most to me.. just because I can't "be" with them, doesn't mean I don't want them in my life at all.

I like you advice and it seems my folks have been wanting me to meet up with her as her name has been spoken so many times I couldn't count. Hell my dad could never say her name right when we were together now he is saying it clear as ever and he is telling me to go and talk.

Back to when I threaten her, I pretty sure I wouldn't have hurt her as I lover her, but that bitch ass boyfriend she had I would of kicked his ass and should of, but my dumbass brother keep holding me back.

I've been thinking about it all day monday and right up till now and I kind of want a more direct sign or information besides what my parents gave me. As I think my mom is so much into me finding the right girl and getting things right again she will tell me one thing when it could be something else. Like maybe she wants to talk, but just to be friends and thats it and I know that I don't want that.

So I decided that I can't deal with it. I want her, but I think I want more of what had than just her. I want that girl that is my bestfriend, someone to laugh at stupid jokes and make fun of other couples who act like they are in so in love that everyone know is bullshit. I want what I had more than wanting just her. So what I'm going to do is nothing, as I've already fucked up witht he girl I meet at the club. I told her on the phone when she ask could we go out on the weekend, I told her no as I knew that I would just end up trying to fuck her that would be it. She didn't like the honesty, so I doubt she will call. I actually don't really know what to do as right now I kind want a sign telling me yes or no, not someone telling me what they heard.

The "what if," is and has haunted me as I've told girls in the past that she is my dream and my nightmares. But I can't talk to her & I know it would never be the same.It would be like the NWO in the WWE, it would great for the first few weeks, then somehow it will go down faster than hooker on governor.

Maybe we will run into each other in the store I don't know. I'm just confused on what to do.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I like you advice and it seems my folks have been wanting me to meet up with her as her name has been spoken so many times I couldn't count. Hell my dad could never say her name right when we were together now he is saying it clear as ever and he is telling me to go and talk.

Parents often want whats best for their children. Truth be told, I'd ask your Father what he thinks. You need to make your decision for yourself, however if a Father is convinced she could be "the one" then often times hes not just talking out of his ass like a Mother does.

Mother's tend to stretch truth and bend stories just to make their son seem in favor of being "it." A Father, typically will not get involved or even care about the girl, unless he feels she could be right. (this is based on my own life. My Father has never given me any advice on females, and has honestly said he hasn't liked any of the ones I've been with, except my Wife. Hes even said shit about her)

Back to when I threaten her, I pretty sure I wouldn't have hurt her as I lover her, but that bitch ass boyfriend she had I would of kicked his ass and should of, but my dumbass brother keep holding me back.

The only negative thing about this that you truly need to look at is it would do absolutely no good. What would it do in beating some random punk up, who "took your spot?" All it'd serve is to make her feel even more sorry for the "beat up" guy, in wanting to help him get better. You don't want to contribute to their working out, when it'd only kill you worse.

I suggest forgetting the past all together. Not "forget" as in drop the memories, but forget as in let it go in the sense of dropping the anger over it. It happened for a reason, and somehow that same girl has made her way back in your life.

If you fail to learn from the past, you'll be subject to repeat the same mistakes and pains.

I've been thinking about it all day monday and right up till now and I kind of want a more direct sign or information besides what my parents gave me. As I think my mom is so much into me finding the right girl and getting things right again she will tell me one thing when it could be something else. Like maybe she wants to talk, but just to be friends and thats it and I know that I don't want that.

Thats what Mother's do. Again, this is my own personal experiences. I've definately fought up-hill battles against the Parents of a female I like, because I don't have the look of someone they want their baby girl to be with. Which has always been hilarious to me, because it shows how shallow and immature "adults" can be.

If they go based off looks, before ever learning about who the actual person is, then they'd be the same Parents to question why "Mr. Joe Right" with the short hair, preppy look and high business career just beat the shit out of their little girl, when the long haired guy, in average clothes, working a 10-6 job came to her aid, and has remained her friend through everything.

So I decided that I can't deal with it. I want her, but I think I want more of what had than just her. I want that girl that is my bestfriend, someone to laugh at stupid jokes and make fun of other couples who act like they are in so in love that everyone know is bullshit. I want what I had more than wanting just her. So what I'm going to do is nothing, as I've already fucked up witht he girl I meet at the club. I told her on the phone when she ask could we go out on the weekend, I told her no as I knew that I would just end up trying to fuck her that would be it. She didn't like the honesty, so I doubt she will call. I actually don't really know what to do as right now I kind want a sign telling me yes or no, not someone telling me what they heard.

It sounds to me like you've built this girl up on a platform that even she may not be able to meet the requirements of. I've done the same thing to several individuals, and I know first hand all it will do is break your heart and crush you when that person doesn't suddenly live up to being everything you thought so greatly that they were.

You said yourself you wanted your friend back. Go from there, meet her but don't expect anything more than a friendship. Express to her that you want to be friends, and if you're honest even explain how much you've thought of her, but make sure she knows you aren't trying to push. Make sure she knows you'll be there for her, but aren't trying to push her onto you.

Time is the only thing that can help in this situation.

The "what if," is and has haunted me as I've told girls in the past that she is my dream and my nightmares. But I can't talk to her & I know it would never be the same.It would be like the NWO in the WWE, it would great for the first few weeks, then somehow it will go down faster than hooker on governor.

"What Ifs" will constantly drag you down. I know some are unavoidable, but sometimes you just have to take them with a grain of salt. Like I said before, just because everyone wants something.. doesn't always mean they're going to get it.

Take things slow, make sure its what you want. Afterall, you admitted to building the memory of her up as something so huge, that no other girl could ever compare. I've done the same with one from my past. It doesn't work, because NO other female will ever be what another one has been.

The trick is, some females might be worse, but some will be a lot better.

Maybe we will run into each other in the store I don't know. I'm just confused on what to do.

If you wish to go off chance, then so be it. I honestly think you need to try and meet her, if for nothing else than to get the closure you seem to honestly need. It sounds like things ended so badly for you in the past, that this girl may not even have the slightest clue how much you've not been able to let the situation go.

Another reason why I believe you need closure, is because you said you instantly shot down the other girl who was interested in you, from the bar. You can't keep closing doors, just because you're waiting for that specific one to open. You can't be so sure that it ever will.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Will anybody read that, that, BOOK.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Will anybody read that, that, BOOK.

The guy who started the thread, most likely. Anyone else? Doubtful.

 

[HBK-aholic]

I just did, lol.

 

[lanman2]

Cm Punk Vs Y2j

 

[Father:_Polley]

what?

 

[HBK-aholic]

Cm Punk Vs Y2j

What the fuck

 

[Father:_Polley]

Someone bring one of these to take him back home in

 

[Total Impact]

Parents often want whats best for their children. Truth be told, I'd ask your Father what he thinks. You need to make your decision for yourself, however if a Father is convinced she could be "the one" then often times hes not just talking out of his ass like a Mother does.

Mother's tend to stretch truth and bend stories just to make their son seem in favor of being "it." A Father, typically will not get involved or even care about the girl, unless he feels she could be right. (this is based on my own life. My Father has never given me any advice on females, and has honestly said he hasn't liked any of the ones I've been with, except my Wife. Hes even said shit about her)



The only negative thing about this that you truly need to look at is it would do absolutely no good. What would it do in beating some random punk up, who "took your spot?" All it'd serve is to make her feel even more sorry for the "beat up" guy, in wanting to help him get better. You don't want to contribute to their working out, when it'd only kill you worse.

I suggest forgetting the past all together. Not "forget" as in drop the memories, but forget as in let it go in the sense of dropping the anger over it. It happened for a reason, and somehow that same girl has made her way back in your life.

If you fail to learn from the past, you'll be subject to repeat the same mistakes and pains.



Thats what Mother's do. Again, this is my own personal experiences. I've definately fought up-hill battles against the Parents of a female I like, because I don't have the look of someone they want their baby girl to be with. Which has always been hilarious to me, because it shows how shallow and immature "adults" can be.

If they go based off looks, before ever learning about who the actual person is, then they'd be the same Parents to question why "Mr. Joe Right" with the short hair, preppy look and high business career just beat the shit out of their little girl, when the long haired guy, in average clothes, working a 10-6 job came to her aid, and has remained her friend through everything.



It sounds to me like you've built this girl up on a platform that even she may not be able to meet the requirements of. I've done the same thing to several individuals, and I know first hand all it will do is break your heart and crush you when that person doesn't suddenly live up to being everything you thought so greatly that they were.

You said yourself you wanted your friend back. Go from there, meet her but don't expect anything more than a friendship. Express to her that you want to be friends, and if you're honest even explain how much you've thought of her, but make sure she knows you aren't trying to push. Make sure she knows you'll be there for her, but aren't trying to push her onto you.

Time is the only thing that can help in this situation.



"What Ifs" will constantly drag you down. I know some are unavoidable, but sometimes you just have to take them with a grain of salt. Like I said before, just because everyone wants something.. doesn't always mean they're going to get it.

Take things slow, make sure its what you want. Afterall, you admitted to building the memory of her up as something so huge, that no other girl could ever compare. I've done the same with one from my past. It doesn't work, because NO other female will ever be what another one has been.

The trick is, some females might be worse, but some will be a lot better.



If you wish to go off chance, then so be it. I honestly think you need to try and meet her, if for nothing else than to get the closure you seem to honestly need. It sounds like things ended so badly for you in the past, that this girl may not even have the slightest clue how much you've not been able to let the situation go.

Another reason why I believe you need closure, is because you said you instantly shot down the other girl who was interested in you, from the bar. You can't keep closing doors, just because you're waiting for that specific one to open. You can't be so sure that it ever will.

I need closure, but I don't want go by the means to get closure as I made choice now to put it in god's or fate's hands as I want to see her, but I don't want to see her. I told my folks today that I'm done with her and & I'm straight living my life the way it is, even though I know its a lie. I know me and I can't forget, I remember everything & I know I it will haunt me. I more on just not wanting to see her and letting her move on with her life to somebody else as I believe the best thing for her is to be away from me.

Like I have treated girls like shit ever since I broke up with her, and I know that I might end up treating her like shit. I told my folks that I'm giving up on the hollywood ending that we would get back together,rasie a family and live happly ever after and go with the reality ending that is me either go from girl to girl or me with one girl who I don't love, but can learn to love and just live with my old dreams. I know as much as I would love to see her, I too scared to make the effort. I think its better if we never see each other as it worked kind of fine for the last 3 years for her I heard as she still looks the same and isn't stressing life. Me on other hand, my only problem is I develop a drinking problem, but that would of happened anyway.

 

[Enigmania]

Damn - to deep, to deep!

Great replies thought really incitiful, even if I'm not in this situation I know someone who is in a similar one and that really helped them.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I need closure, but I don't want go by the means to get closure as I made choice now to put it in god's or fate's hands as I want to see her, but I don't want to see her.

Sometimes fate is out of our hands. Regardless if you believe in God, if you believe in fate, things will happen the way they are meant to happen. It could be by random chance that your Parents ran into her. It could be by random chance that you and her ever first met, and shes made this much of an impact on your life.

I don't exactly think anything is random chance though. I can retrace most everything thats been important in my life to a crossroads, a decision I made that lead me down that path, to that individual. Whether that was me making my own decisions, or God or fate secretly showing me the path to take, I'll likely never know.

I told my folks today that I'm done with her and & I'm straight living my life the way it is, even though I know its a lie. I know me and I can't forget, I remember everything & I know I it will haunt me.

The thing is, you can lie to a million people. You can lie to the entire world, and even attempt lying to God. But you'll never be able to lie to yourself. So why try?

This girl meant the world to you. If you feel its best if she lived her life without you as someone important in it, then thats your decision, but you'll never know what SHE wants from you.. if you don't ask. And the most important thing of all is you honestly shouldn't be making "her" decision, just because you "assume" something bad.

I more on just not wanting to see her and letting her move on with her life to somebody else as I believe the best thing for her is to be away from me.

Thats admirable. We as humans generally don't feel we're good enough for those we truly love. I could greatly be wrong on that, and it could be more my own opinion on the matter as well. But the fact is, you're basing this off of believing that you aren't good enough for her because of the things you've done in your life.

When the fact is, you don't know she would see it the same way. She loved you at one time. She cared for you, and she obviously remembers you. Good or bad, if she remembered you then you made some type of lasting impression, especially when you haven't seen each other for years.

Don't sell yourself short, simply because you see all the negatives in yourself. Because the right person won't look at those negatives and see an awful person, but instead accept them as imperfections, which everyone has.

Like I have treated girls like shit ever since I broke up with her, and I know that I might end up treating her like shit.

You assume, I would presume. You can't know for a fact that you would treat her like shit unless you're preplanning to do so. You "assume" you'd do that, because its what you've done to every other girl who wasn't her. But keep in mind the reason you likely did it, was because in the back of your mind (or directly up front) you knew who you wanted.. and none of them, were her.

I told my folks that I'm giving up on the hollywood ending that we would get back together,rasie a family and live happly ever after and go with the reality ending that is me either go from girl to girl or me with one girl who I don't love, but can learn to love and just live with my old dreams.

The bolded part is what I want to stress on the most. Because I've been there. Its NOT fair to hold onto someone, when you love someone else. Its NOT fair to simply settle down and become stagnate with one person, merely because its a safe bet they won't leave you.

Its NOT fair to them, to give you all of their love, when you can't give it back in return. If you become complaisant to her, then all you'll be doing in the long run is hurting both of you and any children you may come to have together.

You have to let go of the past and release the grip on the memories. I'm not saying forget them. I'm not saying quit holding love for the girl from your past. I'm simply saying, don't just settle in another relationship because you feel its what you need to do.

Hollywood ending don't happen often. If ever at all. I won't tell you to stop dreaming that they could, hell I still dream that they could, but in all likelyhood you take what you get. And you live your life to the best of your abilities.

I know as much as I would love to see her, I too scared to make the effort. I think its better if we never see each other as it worked kind of fine for the last 3 years for her I heard as she still looks the same and isn't stressing life.

Life is a risk. Love is a chance. You don't gain anything, by constantly playing it safe. You go out, you life, you learn. You fall, you get hurt, but you keep picking yourself up with more knowledge than before.

I know you're scared of seeing her again. And if you don't wish to, or want to, then don't. But do NOT do it due to being scared. Because this girl has meant the world to you at one point.. and you don't just suddenly give all that up, because you're afraid of the outcome.

Life goes on, regardless of anything. She lived her life without you, because she had no alternative. You can't just stop living because you aren't with someone.

Me on other hand, my only problem is I develop a drinking problem, but that would of happened anyway.

This is a personal demon that you really can't blame on her. You can opt to claim it was in light of the situation regarding her, but it was your own decision.

The thing I honestly feel you need to do, before all else, is fix yourself. You need to focus on repairing and rebuilding your own life. Become stable. Don't rely or depend on anyone else giving you happiness, or giving you a better life.

Its up to YOU to live your own life. Its up to you to make your own decisions. Good or bad, at least you're living for yourself and not allowing someone to control you, or make your decisions for you.