Sam's Thread of Chattin' w/ Jake & Other Robust Subjects

[Y 2 Jake]

You can watch whatever DVD's you want whilst at my house. You must treat them with care though. Under no circumstances must you take the DVD's home, or touch the underside of the discs.

The DVD Room is just like a panic room, but without and video cameras.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I dunno, Time Magazine offered me a subscription this morning. Just £20 and I get a free watch. Tempting.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

What is in Time magazine?

 

[Uncle Sam]

No idea. All I know is they once photoshopped pants onto a dead body.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I'll pay the subscription & pay you minimum wage if you become my nanny.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Fridge privileges? And I want a good amount of Micro Chips if the kids are wantin' to be fed.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

The fridge is always full. But me and the child have a limited diet. I will give you money to buy some stuff.

Is it ok to feed a nine month ofd Rich Tea Biscuits?

 

[Uncle Sam]

I can't see why not. They have some teeth by then, right?

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I can't see why not. They have some teeth by then, right?

That was my reasoning behind it. Teeth are for chewing. I'm also giving her drinks out of a cup, which is messy. I'll have to buy some proper stuff.

She's not as cute as my kid, but I quite like it. Her parents are ********s so she would be better off with me.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Just quickly, my cat rubs her feet on the carpet and becomes electrically charged. Stroking her is currently risky.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Risk or fun?

 

[Uncle Sam]

To be honest, it's probably me that's electrically charged. And she won't stop scratching the carpet. And she took a massive shit under the Christmas tree. I think it was meant to be a present.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

I have wooden floors, everywhere. I spill a lot of tea.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Aren't your feet cold?

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Nope. I have underfloor heating. I don't plan on moving, ever. So I've spared no expense on decorating and refurbishing the pace. It used to be a pub, so it needed it.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I keep having dreams which wake me up. I was stabbed with a beer bottle in one, attacked with a chainsaw while on a plane in another and then Nicolas Cage was in last night's one. I shot him in chest twice but he wouldn't die. He said he was gonna remake Psycho. This is all actually true, I'm sad to say.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Cage is awesome, I'd watch his version of Psycho.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I hate dreams where good stuff happens. I wake up and realise that it didn't happen and I'm back where I started. I get over it, given time.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

It annoys me why I buy something really cool that doesn't actually exist in a dream.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I once dreamt they made a Kurt Angle "Best Of" that wasn't just TNA matches. If only.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

Out on Monday I believe. I'll get it, but I'll also skip most of it. I don't need refresting on all the Joe/Angle matches.

 

[Uncle Sam]

They didn't milk that feud enough.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

It's the only PPV main event that sells for them, so you can see why they beat it to death. Umaga vs. Angle would be better, even if Umaga breaks Angle.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Surprised Cola hasn't poked his head in. I'm off for now. Bye.

 

[Y 2 Jake]

It's weird how much a fart vibrates through a nappy.