Steele/F'sault: Really enjoyed this. Great length and structure. Good use of two characters (that totally justify my and Pheonix's decision to suggest ourselves). I really think that if you carry on pushing out work like this, you are going to propel yourself quite far.
RP Feedback Thread
- Thread starter sincade20
- Start date
Heavy Artillery - As I said before, very emotional, at least as emotional as a role play on a wrestling forum can be. Really felt the connection between you two. Great cohesiveness as well. Couldn't really tell who wrote which part, always good. Really a good way to go out as a team. It's the end of an era.
Grahmn - Solid stuff here. Certainly enough to get you a contract. Covered all the bases, what happened last week, what you're all about, why you don't like Jonnie Blaze. Good work. Little generic with the straight talkin' into the camera, but it's perfectly fine consiering it's your first one. Easy win for you.
Jonnie - Conent wise, not terrible, although I would try to try to stray away from the rich, cocky heel character. Need something more to stand out. Formatting wise, not very good. Breaking it up into paragraphs would be ideal, as would be adding a little more meat as I'm sure some will say it's too short, but I don't mind. Fix up a few things, and you'll be accepted eventually.
Grahmn - Solid stuff here. Certainly enough to get you a contract. Covered all the bases, what happened last week, what you're all about, why you don't like Jonnie Blaze. Good work. Little generic with the straight talkin' into the camera, but it's perfectly fine consiering it's your first one. Easy win for you.
Jonnie - Conent wise, not terrible, although I would try to try to stray away from the rich, cocky heel character. Need something more to stand out. Formatting wise, not very good. Breaking it up into paragraphs would be ideal, as would be adding a little more meat as I'm sure some will say it's too short, but I don't mind. Fix up a few things, and you'll be accepted eventually.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Pride of Toyota:
You guys are certainly tearing apart the tag team division and you've only been here, what? Not even a month together? The way you both are writing the RP's with one character completely owning one of the two is exceptionally well done. This is the best and most successful way of going about things. I also like how you two have managed to make two separate situations that still ties in with your characters. It's funny that one of the most basic things sometimes become lost when being a team. The way you two are playing this heel/face team is excellent and really provides for some great comedic segments. The supermarket interactions made me chuckle few times.
I believe you two will be sweeping away the belts in no time. Good work.
Alexander Steele:
Pretty much what FunnyKay said. Too busy with all the characters and could have been saved for later RP's. Explaining everything about your character all of a sudden can diminish the idea of your own character's development. It's also very hard to distinguish who is talking as well, but after re-reading the RP you figure out who is who. Other than that, this is a very good RP. I like your style of dating and locating everything before the entire scene sets out, just to give it that professional look. Well done.
You guys are certainly tearing apart the tag team division and you've only been here, what? Not even a month together? The way you both are writing the RP's with one character completely owning one of the two is exceptionally well done. This is the best and most successful way of going about things. I also like how you two have managed to make two separate situations that still ties in with your characters. It's funny that one of the most basic things sometimes become lost when being a team. The way you two are playing this heel/face team is excellent and really provides for some great comedic segments. The supermarket interactions made me chuckle few times.
I believe you two will be sweeping away the belts in no time. Good work.
Alexander Steele:
Pretty much what FunnyKay said. Too busy with all the characters and could have been saved for later RP's. Explaining everything about your character all of a sudden can diminish the idea of your own character's development. It's also very hard to distinguish who is talking as well, but after re-reading the RP you figure out who is who. Other than that, this is a very good RP. I like your style of dating and locating everything before the entire scene sets out, just to give it that professional look. Well done.
Falkon - Excellent here. All about you internal struggle as you're still at a tough time in your career, unsure of yourself, or at least that was what was conveyed. Story is being built up quite well and it'll be really interesting to see where Kurtesy goes from here. Think you have this one in the bag though.
Baller - Not terrible, really. I've been reading on the dirt sheets of your supposed face turn, but I have to assume those are just rumors for now. This was your basic Baller/Ghetto Star stuff you come to expect, but nothing outstanding that really stood out to me.
Killjoy - You're usually love or hate for me, and this fell under love. You see to have a real connection with the crowd, which is important for a top face, which you are. The humorous moments seemed to work pretty well this time as well. I few grammar errors here and there, but nothing atrocious or anything.
Gordito - You took an intersting avenue. Personally, I enjoy you more when you're talking to others and are in your element, but this certainly wasn't bad. Killjoy is tough to beat this week and I don't think you had that extra something to put you over the top. Fine effort though.
Lee - The best part about your promo's is that they're so easy to read. Regardless of how long it is, seems like it only take me 10 seconds to read it. Not something you can say for many on here. Loved the humorous bit at the beginning and intersting to see where this period of low self confidence is going, in spite of the rather lengthy title reign. Definetly intriguing.
Baller - Not terrible, really. I've been reading on the dirt sheets of your supposed face turn, but I have to assume those are just rumors for now. This was your basic Baller/Ghetto Star stuff you come to expect, but nothing outstanding that really stood out to me.
Killjoy - You're usually love or hate for me, and this fell under love. You see to have a real connection with the crowd, which is important for a top face, which you are. The humorous moments seemed to work pretty well this time as well. I few grammar errors here and there, but nothing atrocious or anything.
Gordito - You took an intersting avenue. Personally, I enjoy you more when you're talking to others and are in your element, but this certainly wasn't bad. Killjoy is tough to beat this week and I don't think you had that extra something to put you over the top. Fine effort though.
Lee - The best part about your promo's is that they're so easy to read. Regardless of how long it is, seems like it only take me 10 seconds to read it. Not something you can say for many on here. Loved the humorous bit at the beginning and intersting to see where this period of low self confidence is going, in spite of the rather lengthy title reign. Definetly intriguing.
FunnyKay/Steven Holmes
Solid RP this week. The interaction with Jones was well written, and made you both look strong. Love the sadistic twist that your character is taking, gives the character a tinge of originality over the vast mass of British wrestlers in WZCW.
I have a few friendly pointers though. I feel the criticism of the other wrestlers involved in the match was a little limited. You just about got it with Hammond and Baez but the others were left a little short. Also, you could have drawn on your previous weeks match with Steele and worked it into his criticism.
Overall, it was a very well written piece, that maybe could have been longer, but I really enjoyed reading it. 3/5
Solid RP this week. The interaction with Jones was well written, and made you both look strong. Love the sadistic twist that your character is taking, gives the character a tinge of originality over the vast mass of British wrestlers in WZCW.
I have a few friendly pointers though. I feel the criticism of the other wrestlers involved in the match was a little limited. You just about got it with Hammond and Baez but the others were left a little short. Also, you could have drawn on your previous weeks match with Steele and worked it into his criticism.
Overall, it was a very well written piece, that maybe could have been longer, but I really enjoyed reading it. 3/5
FunKay the Inevitable
People Like Me, We Don't Play
Scott Hammond:
I like your style. It's straight and to the point. No beating around the bush, just get out there and write your RP. You critiqued each member of the match very well and made what was a difficult task (writing for multi-man matches can be a bitch) look relatively easy. The Full Metal Jacket reference seemed a tad forced though. Other than that I have no big qualms, a very well written RP.
I like your style. It's straight and to the point. No beating around the bush, just get out there and write your RP. You critiqued each member of the match very well and made what was a difficult task (writing for multi-man matches can be a bitch) look relatively easy. The Full Metal Jacket reference seemed a tad forced though. Other than that I have no big qualms, a very well written RP.
Titus (Lee) - Incredible, Magnificent, Wondrous. Those are only some of the words I would use to describe your RP. Sure, it jumped around a little but but it all just worked. I recall saying that your last RP was one of your best but this one has probably gone beyond that. I can only speak for myself but I enjoyed your RP a lot. Starting at the beginning and finishing at the end, the flow of this RP was just really good. It could have been better if it didn't jump around so much but it doesn't take that much away from the RP in general.
All of the different stories all merged together and it made sense when it came to the end. You set out to tell a story in your RP and that has come to fruition in your RP. I really enjoyed reading this and you should definitely be proud of it, I would be. Oh! Whoever done your graphics should be given a medal or something similar...
***** RP.
Big Dave (Phoenie) - Wow!
That was amazing. Seriously, I have just finished reading it and I can't put into words how much I enjoyed that. When I write RP's, when I do long dialogues such as the one you have written, I tend to repeat myself and the flow of the RP is generally lost. However, you have just pulled off a great RP right here. Everything just... Made sense, is the best way to put it. Blade is no slouch but this was a fantastic RP. He will need to probably pull off the best RP of his life to beat this.
Thanks.
***** RP.
All of the different stories all merged together and it made sense when it came to the end. You set out to tell a story in your RP and that has come to fruition in your RP. I really enjoyed reading this and you should definitely be proud of it, I would be. Oh! Whoever done your graphics should be given a medal or something similar...
***** RP.
Big Dave (Phoenie) - Wow!
That was amazing. Seriously, I have just finished reading it and I can't put into words how much I enjoyed that. When I write RP's, when I do long dialogues such as the one you have written, I tend to repeat myself and the flow of the RP is generally lost. However, you have just pulled off a great RP right here. Everything just... Made sense, is the best way to put it. Blade is no slouch but this was a fantastic RP. He will need to probably pull off the best RP of his life to beat this.
Thanks.
***** RP.
Granite: Not bad. You clearly established your character as a heel, but he's a little generic. You need to think of something that will set your character apart from the rest. Also, use colours for your text. It's just better to look at than the usual black. All in all, OK.
mrsavagelife: Not even remotely good. First of all, you really need to improve your grammar. I could barely understand any of that. Second, you made it hard to establish your character as a face or as a heel. That can sometimes work, but not always. Third, the whole temperature metaphor didn't make a lot of sense. Finally, cut back on the swearing. This is supposed to be showing up on TV, and the excessive language wouldn't work well. Not impressed.
El Thrillernico: I really, really liked this one. It started off with what looked like an innocent competition, which would result in some mocking. It then turned into a scene from a horror movie, with Phoenix clearly explaining his motivations for this whole feud, which is good for those who came in late. The beatdown was well done, and the usage of wrestling-related weapons actually made sense in this case, since that's where the feud started. And to top it off, you gave Phoenix a bit of a psychotic edge that I liked. Very, very well done.
Tastycles: This was pretty good. You established Garth's side of the story, and got a unique comedy bit with Becky that I don't think has been done before. You not having a real issue with Phoenix beyond him attacking you makes sense, considering Garth is just reacting to what's happened. The dream sequence was a little goofy, but different. Pretty good.
Father:_Polley: I think this is my favourite one so far. It's been said that the best heels are the ones who believe that what they're doing is right. That is clearly evident here. You changed this from a feud over the title to a personal one, and that made things much more interesting. And you were still able to keep Vengeance's expected supernatural overtone throughout the promo. I was so impressed with this promo that I'm eagerly awaiting for the time that I've progressed with this fed enough so that we can feud. Easily the best so far.
Lee: This one was a good'un. It helped establish that the incident from the last Meltdown has resulted in multiple problems for the champ. The idea of quitting as the champion is never a good one, so there was some extra drama there. Plus, the fact that Titus was asked to be the new Red Ranger was just a little extra bit of awesome there. Really, the only bad part I can see in this promo is that you didn't focus enough on the actual feud with Vengeance, but rather on all the issues that appeared as a result of it, if that makes any sense. Overall, a good promo, nonetheless.
mrsavagelife: Not even remotely good. First of all, you really need to improve your grammar. I could barely understand any of that. Second, you made it hard to establish your character as a face or as a heel. That can sometimes work, but not always. Third, the whole temperature metaphor didn't make a lot of sense. Finally, cut back on the swearing. This is supposed to be showing up on TV, and the excessive language wouldn't work well. Not impressed.
El Thrillernico: I really, really liked this one. It started off with what looked like an innocent competition, which would result in some mocking. It then turned into a scene from a horror movie, with Phoenix clearly explaining his motivations for this whole feud, which is good for those who came in late. The beatdown was well done, and the usage of wrestling-related weapons actually made sense in this case, since that's where the feud started. And to top it off, you gave Phoenix a bit of a psychotic edge that I liked. Very, very well done.
Tastycles: This was pretty good. You established Garth's side of the story, and got a unique comedy bit with Becky that I don't think has been done before. You not having a real issue with Phoenix beyond him attacking you makes sense, considering Garth is just reacting to what's happened. The dream sequence was a little goofy, but different. Pretty good.
Father:_Polley: I think this is my favourite one so far. It's been said that the best heels are the ones who believe that what they're doing is right. That is clearly evident here. You changed this from a feud over the title to a personal one, and that made things much more interesting. And you were still able to keep Vengeance's expected supernatural overtone throughout the promo. I was so impressed with this promo that I'm eagerly awaiting for the time that I've progressed with this fed enough so that we can feud. Easily the best so far.
Lee: This one was a good'un. It helped establish that the incident from the last Meltdown has resulted in multiple problems for the champ. The idea of quitting as the champion is never a good one, so there was some extra drama there. Plus, the fact that Titus was asked to be the new Red Ranger was just a little extra bit of awesome there. Really, the only bad part I can see in this promo is that you didn't focus enough on the actual feud with Vengeance, but rather on all the issues that appeared as a result of it, if that makes any sense. Overall, a good promo, nonetheless.
Titus/Lee: This is similar to your KC piece. lots of "set-pieces" to set up a grand conclusion. I see that's your strength, even taking the events of the past shows to make a great story.
This was good though. Everything made sense and while I was not instantly familiar with the Mayor character, his relevance and relationship with Titus was made clear.
I would have liked to see more of a discussion about the past between Titus and Vengeance. But thats a personal thing. This was really very good.
Pheonix/Big Dave: Top promo, absolutely brutally aggressive in places, it all felt perfectly suited to the mood.
As I am known for it, I would like to see a little more description; just enought to set up the scene a little more. But still, like I said, great stuff.
This was good though. Everything made sense and while I was not instantly familiar with the Mayor character, his relevance and relationship with Titus was made clear.
I would have liked to see more of a discussion about the past between Titus and Vengeance. But thats a personal thing. This was really very good.
Pheonix/Big Dave: Top promo, absolutely brutally aggressive in places, it all felt perfectly suited to the mood.
As I am known for it, I would like to see a little more description; just enought to set up the scene a little more. But still, like I said, great stuff.
Blade (Blade) - I don't know what to say really. In all truth, this was probably my favourite RP that you have ever done and it wasn't because Karnage was involved. When you asked me if you could use him, I had a feeling that you would make it worthwhile. I was very hesitant to let you but I am glad that you used him well. It would have been easy to be very disheartened by the RP that Dave put out but this is just as good. As I look back at how much you have improved in the last few months, I think it is only fitting that you should be challenging for some gold, right now.
It's been a natural progression for you and you have upped your game as you continued up the ladder. As I said, this is probably the best RP that you have ever done. Everything flowed together quite nicely and I loved the narration. Seriously, that was a brilliant RP and after I read it, I had a great appreciation for the work that had gone into it. I wouldn't like to be voting on the matches and it is times like this that I am glad that I don't any more. That being said, you guys have both pulled out wonderful RP's. Good enough to steal the show, for sure.
***** RP.
It's been a natural progression for you and you have upped your game as you continued up the ladder. As I said, this is probably the best RP that you have ever done. Everything flowed together quite nicely and I loved the narration. Seriously, that was a brilliant RP and after I read it, I had a great appreciation for the work that had gone into it. I wouldn't like to be voting on the matches and it is times like this that I am glad that I don't any more. That being said, you guys have both pulled out wonderful RP's. Good enough to steal the show, for sure.
***** RP.
Father:_Polley
Fun's my Chinese neighbour's name
Repaying debts from last week as well as this... it's been a long week.
Numbers:
Arrogant, obnoxious and with severe delusions of grandeur...
Your views on Beckford are well presented, fleshed out and all is done in your usual flair. I approve as always, still think I prefer your old work but the character is growing.
Coco:
Again... the Billy-Chuck 'are they, aren't they' odd couple routine is nailed. Actually, the weird thing is that Hunter actually reminds me a little of Goldust. Anyway, moving onward
It's entertaining, nicely worded, takes shots at your opposition in a smart way. The chemistry between both guys with the external interviewer is palpable. Good RP, and I hope you win.
Lee:
Dammit, you made me read 3000 words! And weirdly, I still notice the typo on Taraja. As for Vengeance's opponents... you have Showtime, Kurtesy and Crashin to really talk to.
However... DUDE, you turned down being the Red Ranger, I always thought you were the Pink one, what with the long hair and lack of general mass
As for Vengeance... I'm vain enough to self review for one. It was hard to write because in effect it was my first ever pseudo-face RP
Numbers:
Arrogant, obnoxious and with severe delusions of grandeur...
Your views on Beckford are well presented, fleshed out and all is done in your usual flair. I approve as always, still think I prefer your old work but the character is growing.
Coco:
Again... the Billy-Chuck 'are they, aren't they' odd couple routine is nailed. Actually, the weird thing is that Hunter actually reminds me a little of Goldust. Anyway, moving onward
It's entertaining, nicely worded, takes shots at your opposition in a smart way. The chemistry between both guys with the external interviewer is palpable. Good RP, and I hope you win.
Lee:
Dammit, you made me read 3000 words! And weirdly, I still notice the typo on Taraja. As for Vengeance's opponents... you have Showtime, Kurtesy and Crashin to really talk to.
However... DUDE, you turned down being the Red Ranger, I always thought you were the Pink one, what with the long hair and lack of general mass
As for Vengeance... I'm vain enough to self review for one. It was hard to write because in effect it was my first ever pseudo-face RP
Super Crazy
CABS ARE HEEEERREEE!!
Big Dave - Excellent RP. You never fail to come through with a great piece of work. I like your use of New York City and I like that use the city's motto to go against Blade. I know we had talked about your RP briefly here and there over the last week, but I never expected this. Again, good job.
Blade - I feel like you've taken another step up the ladder with this RP. I like how you went to the people who knew Dave best and tried to use that. The use of Karnage was done well as he also knows you very well, and it was nice to see a return from Ace David. This is going to be a hell of a close match.
Vengeance - As always good work with your RP. It's very simple, yet very effective. I like how you bring everything full circle with your character and relate Titus into it as you've feuded with him before.
Titus - I know we talked about your RP over msn, however, I've realized what I was trying to say to you. Your RP didn't the length that it is. I felt like some of it dragged on and it could have done without a few parts. Nonetheless it is a good RP and best of luck to ya.
Phoenix - Way to step it up. I like the direction your character has been going and I think you are well on your way to being the next mega heel of WZCW. This was an interesting way to tear apart Garth, a way that's never been done before. Plus the hint of insanity adds another dimension to your character.
Scott Hammond - This is a well written RP. I enjoyed reading it, however I feel you talking about each opponent has taken away from the RP just a small bit. I like the respect you show to the Killjoy I just hope it doesn't hold you back from winning the match.
Steven Holmes - Interesting RP. I like the alliance that you and Jones seem to have established. As I said for Hammond, I hope that it doesn't hold you back in winning the match, alliances in multi-man matches can only last so long. I am enjoying your character though, and it seems like a more elegant aristocratic version of Crashin's old character.
Blade - I feel like you've taken another step up the ladder with this RP. I like how you went to the people who knew Dave best and tried to use that. The use of Karnage was done well as he also knows you very well, and it was nice to see a return from Ace David. This is going to be a hell of a close match.
Vengeance - As always good work with your RP. It's very simple, yet very effective. I like how you bring everything full circle with your character and relate Titus into it as you've feuded with him before.
Titus - I know we talked about your RP over msn, however, I've realized what I was trying to say to you. Your RP didn't the length that it is. I felt like some of it dragged on and it could have done without a few parts. Nonetheless it is a good RP and best of luck to ya.
Phoenix - Way to step it up. I like the direction your character has been going and I think you are well on your way to being the next mega heel of WZCW. This was an interesting way to tear apart Garth, a way that's never been done before. Plus the hint of insanity adds another dimension to your character.
Scott Hammond - This is a well written RP. I enjoyed reading it, however I feel you talking about each opponent has taken away from the RP just a small bit. I like the respect you show to the Killjoy I just hope it doesn't hold you back from winning the match.
Steven Holmes - Interesting RP. I like the alliance that you and Jones seem to have established. As I said for Hammond, I hope that it doesn't hold you back in winning the match, alliances in multi-man matches can only last so long. I am enjoying your character though, and it seems like a more elegant aristocratic version of Crashin's old character.
FunKay the Inevitable
People Like Me, We Don't Play
Alexander Steele:
You're very descriptive, very in-depth nicely set-out. You go for clear visuals and easy to read dialogue. It's natural and works very well in this situation. Good job.
Baez:
Unique idea, setting and execution. This was a very entertaining, very fun RP. You set out where we were very clearly and you knew what you were going for. You tied it in well with a current event. You've been on a role recently, keep it up.
Gordito:
This was a simple but effective RP. You went with an idea that hasn't been used too often but anyone could use it. You balanced the act of talking about your opponents well and you've got a good balance here.
Chris Jones:
You went with something different and that's not a bad idea. There is one problem I have with it though. It does seem like you've tried to cram in three promos into one. It's disjointed but very enjoyable non-the-less.
Jordan Lights:
It made it seem like you were trying to establish yourself as a singles competitor now. It was a bit short but that's not really a problem in this situation. You had some interesting ideas and I enjoyed the Javelin idea.
Steven Kurtsey:
As usual, very good job. You have a real talent for getting deep into your characters thoughts and emotions. I liked your continued use of the interview with Leon just like you did last time. I also liked your talk about the Mayhem Match at the end.
You're very descriptive, very in-depth nicely set-out. You go for clear visuals and easy to read dialogue. It's natural and works very well in this situation. Good job.
Baez:
Unique idea, setting and execution. This was a very entertaining, very fun RP. You set out where we were very clearly and you knew what you were going for. You tied it in well with a current event. You've been on a role recently, keep it up.
Gordito:
This was a simple but effective RP. You went with an idea that hasn't been used too often but anyone could use it. You balanced the act of talking about your opponents well and you've got a good balance here.
Chris Jones:
You went with something different and that's not a bad idea. There is one problem I have with it though. It does seem like you've tried to cram in three promos into one. It's disjointed but very enjoyable non-the-less.
Jordan Lights:
It made it seem like you were trying to establish yourself as a singles competitor now. It was a bit short but that's not really a problem in this situation. You had some interesting ideas and I enjoyed the Javelin idea.
Steven Kurtsey:
As usual, very good job. You have a real talent for getting deep into your characters thoughts and emotions. I liked your continued use of the interview with Leon just like you did last time. I also liked your talk about the Mayhem Match at the end.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Vengeance
Meh I've seen much much much better from you, half of the promo revolves around the titus attack of your biatch, which you actually got added into the match itself in turn giving you an advantage in match writing here. If I've beat you where I've had worse RPs and you've had better ones then this one is a no brainer.
More to come.
Meh I've seen much much much better from you, half of the promo revolves around the titus attack of your biatch, which you actually got added into the match itself in turn giving you an advantage in match writing here. If I've beat you where I've had worse RPs and you've had better ones then this one is a no brainer.
More to come.
Thriller Ant
Beep Bop Boop
Vengeance
• Amazing description. I aspire to be able to paint a picture like that
• Great emotion
• I feel like it’s lacking a climax. There is great build and resolution, but I can’t find that high point you go up to and come down from.
Titus
• The look back into Titus’ past was very nicely done, paralleling each of his careers
• Where your opponent’s RP lacked a climax, yours built and built up to the payoff at the end. I had me wanting to keep reading to find out what was going to happen
• You almost came off heelish at times, especially talking to Myles and Bateman about merchandise sales and such, but I think the interaction with the fan and press conference saved it
Big Dave
• The tying in of New York was brilliant and perfectly done
• I can almost feel you slowly wearing down Blade’s confidence with each added insult
• Once again, description is perfect. As I told you on MSN, I can picture Big Dave walking in NYC and hear his voice say every word
Blade
• I marked out for the use of Ace and Karnage. Brilliant idea
• I love “getting into the man's head” promos, and this one was very well done. The thought to reality ratio was just about ideal
• I’ve put 3 things for everyone, but I can’t think of a 3rd one for you, sorry
Austin Reynolds
• I liked the use of the stars. It’s a cool visual effect and really added to the RP
• The counting of the ways you are superior was simple, yet very effective. I could show this RP to anyone on WZ if I wanted to show them what Austin is all about
• It kinda felt like it just ended. I think maybe one or two more sentences of dialogue would’ve wrapped it up more nicely
Chris Beckford
• Nice tying in of the theme to all of the matches, including you own.
• You had one line that made me mark out inside, just imagining someone saying it:
Steven Holmes
• The interaction between you and Jones was odd, especially the crying. It didn’t feel right to me for whatever reason
• You’ll get only two bullets also, but this will be a long one. The deception idea is good. With that said, it doesn’t work for this kind of match. You have 4 opponents other than the guy you tricked in a Mayhem Division ladder match. Having one guy maybe watch your back won’t make a huge difference in the long run. You’ve had very good RPs in the past, hell, you took Big Dave to the limit. It’s like I was expecting steak, and got a hamburger instead. You are a very good RPer, I’ll just chalk this one up as a dud which happens to all of us.
Chris Jones
• Good, quick intro to recap what happened to you last week
• I like the dissing of your opponents. That can be hard in multi-man matches, but you kept all of them to the point and successfully avoided a never-ending RP
• Great ending as well. This may be your best work yet
I might do more later. SC, I gave you feedback on MSN the other day, I believe. If I'm wrong or you want more, let me know and I'll hook you up. Preference in my next batch will go to those that feed me back!
• Amazing description. I aspire to be able to paint a picture like that
• Great emotion
• I feel like it’s lacking a climax. There is great build and resolution, but I can’t find that high point you go up to and come down from.
Titus
• The look back into Titus’ past was very nicely done, paralleling each of his careers
• Where your opponent’s RP lacked a climax, yours built and built up to the payoff at the end. I had me wanting to keep reading to find out what was going to happen
• You almost came off heelish at times, especially talking to Myles and Bateman about merchandise sales and such, but I think the interaction with the fan and press conference saved it
Big Dave
• The tying in of New York was brilliant and perfectly done
• I can almost feel you slowly wearing down Blade’s confidence with each added insult
• Once again, description is perfect. As I told you on MSN, I can picture Big Dave walking in NYC and hear his voice say every word
Blade
• I marked out for the use of Ace and Karnage. Brilliant idea
• I love “getting into the man's head” promos, and this one was very well done. The thought to reality ratio was just about ideal
• I’ve put 3 things for everyone, but I can’t think of a 3rd one for you, sorry
Austin Reynolds
• I liked the use of the stars. It’s a cool visual effect and really added to the RP
• The counting of the ways you are superior was simple, yet very effective. I could show this RP to anyone on WZ if I wanted to show them what Austin is all about
• It kinda felt like it just ended. I think maybe one or two more sentences of dialogue would’ve wrapped it up more nicely
Chris Beckford
• Nice tying in of the theme to all of the matches, including you own.
• You had one line that made me mark out inside, just imagining someone saying it:
• It was short, which isn’t a huge deal, but the length, or lack thereof, was definitely noticeable
Steven Holmes
• The interaction between you and Jones was odd, especially the crying. It didn’t feel right to me for whatever reason
• You’ll get only two bullets also, but this will be a long one. The deception idea is good. With that said, it doesn’t work for this kind of match. You have 4 opponents other than the guy you tricked in a Mayhem Division ladder match. Having one guy maybe watch your back won’t make a huge difference in the long run. You’ve had very good RPs in the past, hell, you took Big Dave to the limit. It’s like I was expecting steak, and got a hamburger instead. You are a very good RPer, I’ll just chalk this one up as a dud which happens to all of us.
Chris Jones
• Good, quick intro to recap what happened to you last week
• I like the dissing of your opponents. That can be hard in multi-man matches, but you kept all of them to the point and successfully avoided a never-ending RP
• Great ending as well. This may be your best work yet
I might do more later. SC, I gave you feedback on MSN the other day, I believe. If I'm wrong or you want more, let me know and I'll hook you up. Preference in my next batch will go to those that feed me back!
Phoenix vs Garth Black - Fantastic RP, finishing up the Garth Black look-a-like and moving straight into the tried and tested beat down of the look-a-like was a great move. This RP will set you up nicely for the Last Man Standing match.
Garth Black vs Phoenix - Unsure about the dream part of the RP but everything else was done very well. Nice bit of comedy with Becky. The music videos was a nice touch to the RP. Tough one to call here as both yours and Thrillers are fantastic RPs.
Titus vs Vengeance - Long RP here Lee, but it works well. The look back through Titus' history was nicely done and the interaction with Paul was cool. As said by others before, I feel you could have spoke more about Vengeance, you wrote an essay and hardly mentioned him. The red ranger thing was pretty cool. Good RP
Vengeance vs Titus - Great Description, as is the norm from you Polley. The emotion in this is fantastic focused firmly on Titus after his attack of Tarja. Tarja was a big part of the RP which I felt was a good way to take the RP. Again top notch RPs from both Lee and Polley.
Big Dave vs Blade - Great RP. The setting suits the situation and your character perfectly. Fantastic description and you talk about your opponent pretty much throughout the RP. I liked how you compared Blade to NYC. This is one of the best RP's I've read since I have been here.
Blade vs Big Dave - I marked for Ace and Karnage. Nice way to play it going to see the former allies of Big Dave to try and get an insight into how to beat him, however I feel it could be taken as a desperate tactic. The Narration worked well with the RP and the RP itself is very very good. This is going to be another close one and nor you or Big Dave deserve to lose.
Everest vs USA - Man it's weird seeing Everest not in the title scene. The RP was well written and I like how you did the Good vs Evil comparisions. You finished strong and set yourself up nicely for the match.
Battle Royal
- Lights - Good RP. I liked the description and there was something about the layout that made this work well. Nice work taking shots at Baller as well. Going to be a close one between you and Falks.
- Kurtesy - Again you prove that you're one of the best RP's in the fed with this. The back and forth between you and Leon is well done and you set yourself up good for the battle royal.
Austin Reynolds vs Chris Beckford - Usual awesomeness from you again Numbers. Great description and I loved how you constantly took shots at Beckford by saying how you were superior etc. The RP is quite long though, I felt it could be shorter but you get your points across. Very good though.
Six man ladder match.
Hammond - Good RP, like last week. I liked how you thanked Beckford for last week it was a classy face move. I also loved how you addressed Reynolds as well, shows that you're not done with the Elite X championship. The rest of the RP is summing up and you do it very well.
Stephen Holmes - Weird interaction between you and Jones. Didn't really understand the crying part of it. Description is good however I feel you could have spoken more about your opponents seeing as there is 5 other people in the match.
Alexander Steele - Great RP here man. The description is very good and I liked how you did it on differant days. You speak about your opponents well and look very strong for the match up.
Chris Jones - Nice intro. You use Leon well. The RP could have used a bit more description but it doesn't take anything away from the RP itself. You speak about your opponents well. good RP
The Killjoy Baez - I don't really like the layout. Blue and Purple isn't really a good mix. The RP was fun to read though, The football(Soccer) references were a good touch. The way the RP reads its like Killjoy has finally found something he likes to do in the fed. Whenever I hear of the Mayhem championship I think of Killjoy. Good RP.
Gordito - Straightforward RP here. Nice interaction with Leon and you speak about your opponents well. Nice layout the green and red work well. The RP was fairly long but it works well.
The Ghetto Stars vs Pride of Toyota - Ghettos - You got your work cut out for you if Baker isn't RPing. I think this RP could be shorter than mine which is scary. You did a basic RP here not much was said at all or about your opponents.
Prioyota - You guys work together well and should become tag team champions this match due to Bakers absence. Quite a weird concoction with the Face and Heel team but you play it well. RPs were well written very descriptive and well laid out, Top work
Showtime Cougar vs Ty Burna - Great start setting it the day after Ascension. You speak well about the past few weeks and the coming together with Vengeance and Ty. Nice comedy moments with Leon as well. I kinda had trouble keeping interested in the RP on account of it being about 9 pages long so some bits I kinda skimmed through.
Ty Burna vs Showtime Cougar - Nice opening, good use of Stacey and good interaction between herself and Ty. You speak very well about Showtime and I liked how you spoke about what affect you have had on various matches ie: KFAD. Top notch stuff.
Garth Black vs Phoenix - Unsure about the dream part of the RP but everything else was done very well. Nice bit of comedy with Becky. The music videos was a nice touch to the RP. Tough one to call here as both yours and Thrillers are fantastic RPs.
Titus vs Vengeance - Long RP here Lee, but it works well. The look back through Titus' history was nicely done and the interaction with Paul was cool. As said by others before, I feel you could have spoke more about Vengeance, you wrote an essay and hardly mentioned him. The red ranger thing was pretty cool. Good RP
Vengeance vs Titus - Great Description, as is the norm from you Polley. The emotion in this is fantastic focused firmly on Titus after his attack of Tarja. Tarja was a big part of the RP which I felt was a good way to take the RP. Again top notch RPs from both Lee and Polley.
Big Dave vs Blade - Great RP. The setting suits the situation and your character perfectly. Fantastic description and you talk about your opponent pretty much throughout the RP. I liked how you compared Blade to NYC. This is one of the best RP's I've read since I have been here.
Blade vs Big Dave - I marked for Ace and Karnage. Nice way to play it going to see the former allies of Big Dave to try and get an insight into how to beat him, however I feel it could be taken as a desperate tactic. The Narration worked well with the RP and the RP itself is very very good. This is going to be another close one and nor you or Big Dave deserve to lose.
Everest vs USA - Man it's weird seeing Everest not in the title scene. The RP was well written and I like how you did the Good vs Evil comparisions. You finished strong and set yourself up nicely for the match.
Battle Royal
- Lights - Good RP. I liked the description and there was something about the layout that made this work well. Nice work taking shots at Baller as well. Going to be a close one between you and Falks.
- Kurtesy - Again you prove that you're one of the best RP's in the fed with this. The back and forth between you and Leon is well done and you set yourself up good for the battle royal.
Austin Reynolds vs Chris Beckford - Usual awesomeness from you again Numbers. Great description and I loved how you constantly took shots at Beckford by saying how you were superior etc. The RP is quite long though, I felt it could be shorter but you get your points across. Very good though.
Six man ladder match.
Hammond - Good RP, like last week. I liked how you thanked Beckford for last week it was a classy face move. I also loved how you addressed Reynolds as well, shows that you're not done with the Elite X championship. The rest of the RP is summing up and you do it very well.
Stephen Holmes - Weird interaction between you and Jones. Didn't really understand the crying part of it. Description is good however I feel you could have spoken more about your opponents seeing as there is 5 other people in the match.
Alexander Steele - Great RP here man. The description is very good and I liked how you did it on differant days. You speak about your opponents well and look very strong for the match up.
Chris Jones - Nice intro. You use Leon well. The RP could have used a bit more description but it doesn't take anything away from the RP itself. You speak about your opponents well. good RP
The Killjoy Baez - I don't really like the layout. Blue and Purple isn't really a good mix. The RP was fun to read though, The football(Soccer) references were a good touch. The way the RP reads its like Killjoy has finally found something he likes to do in the fed. Whenever I hear of the Mayhem championship I think of Killjoy. Good RP.
Gordito - Straightforward RP here. Nice interaction with Leon and you speak about your opponents well. Nice layout the green and red work well. The RP was fairly long but it works well.
The Ghetto Stars vs Pride of Toyota - Ghettos - You got your work cut out for you if Baker isn't RPing. I think this RP could be shorter than mine which is scary. You did a basic RP here not much was said at all or about your opponents.
Prioyota - You guys work together well and should become tag team champions this match due to Bakers absence. Quite a weird concoction with the Face and Heel team but you play it well. RPs were well written very descriptive and well laid out, Top work
Showtime Cougar vs Ty Burna - Great start setting it the day after Ascension. You speak well about the past few weeks and the coming together with Vengeance and Ty. Nice comedy moments with Leon as well. I kinda had trouble keeping interested in the RP on account of it being about 9 pages long so some bits I kinda skimmed through.
Ty Burna vs Showtime Cougar - Nice opening, good use of Stacey and good interaction between herself and Ty. You speak very well about Showtime and I liked how you spoke about what affect you have had on various matches ie: KFAD. Top notch stuff.
Beckford: Really good. The length is going to hurt this but the dialogue may save it. There were some great lines in there. The only thing I will say is I’m not too sure that saying this dark and doom stuff is very unlike the character. But the greed etc wins you point for sure.
Phoenix: I liked both of these RP’s a lot. While Tasty went all out by creating the story etc, you went through a very straight forward character based RP with great dialogue at the end. Really nailed the intensity and attitude though.
Vengeance: Good RP and as expected, your dialogue is your strength. There were some great lines here. Like I said to Lee, I wish there had been more about your past encounters because they sound great.
Phoenix: I liked both of these RP’s a lot. While Tasty went all out by creating the story etc, you went through a very straight forward character based RP with great dialogue at the end. Really nailed the intensity and attitude though.
Vengeance: Good RP and as expected, your dialogue is your strength. There were some great lines here. Like I said to Lee, I wish there had been more about your past encounters because they sound great.
Phoenix: I really, really like this one. A solid intro, highlighting the history of New York City and its reputation. I really liked the theme of this, about ignoring dreams and facing reality. Definitely one of the best I've read, period. It'll be very, very hard for Blade to beat you.
Blade: There's one glaring problem I have with this RP. The whole "thinking promo" bit. As in, instead of actually saying the promo aloud, the character is thinking it. I never got that. This is supposed to be something that's going to be on TV, so to have your character's thoughts be heard by the viewers at home never made sense to me. Other than that, this was pretty good. You addressed a common problem people find with your character and still managed to keep him the same. Nicely done.
michigan: This one was pretty good. You addressed your character's heel turn and the spot that USA is in right now. You also looked ahead to challenging for the title again. Classic heel promo, and a great line at the end to boot.
The SC: This one was interesting, to say the least. Your character seems to have gone back to his original roots as a vigilante, of sorts. You've also seemed to have gone into a bit of a tweener role here, while wanting to start a feud with Baller. I'm not sure if this will work (the tweener bit I mean), but I'm interested in how things will go. Not bad.
FalKon: Same problem with Blade's promo. The "thinking aloud" bit. Unlike Blade's promo, this didn't take up the majority of the promo, which is good. Plus, you addressed a decision that your character had to make in regards to his spot in WZCW. The second half wasn't that good, though. Not bad either.
Numbers: Pretty good. It's easy to tell that your character is the arrogant, attention-seeking heel here, and you played to that perfectly. Solid heel promo while keeping to your character's personality, which is a sign of a good job.
Leeds Guy: This one was alright. You did address your feud with Reynolds but only for a bit. You didn't go into too much detail about your feud with him and the upcoming match, which I think will hurt you a bit. It was OK, but it could've been much better.
Low_Ki: Pretty good. You addressed each of the people in this match evenly and put them over as legit threats at the same time. You also talked about your ongoing feud with Reynolds which we'll probably see more of later on. You kept your focus on the title, which is important in a match like this. Solid promo.
FunnyKay: Not bad. One problem I can see is that you didn't put enough focus on the other guys in this match. Giving them only one or two sentences doesn't really work, but multi-man matches are hard to write, so I can understand. I'm interested in this change of character, but I get the feeling that it won't go over too well. Alright promo.
falconsault: Pretty good one here. You introduced us to your character and delved into his backstory a bit, which is always good. A couple of pieces of advice, though. First, I'd recommend against responding to the promos that were already written before yours. There's no rule against it, but it doesn't come off as very original, and can sometimes come back to bite you. Which concerns the second piece of advice, which is you not really having anything to say to those who hadn't written their promos yet. If you don't know much about the characters you're facing, look up their profiles for a basic idea and work from there. Ignoring someone else in a match, regardless of how many are in it, never works well. All in all, a decent promo.
Riaku: I liked this one a lot. A good theme to it, and really funny as well. Each of the competitors were addressed and the theme was kept throughout. And, to be honest, this promo actually got me pumped up for the match, which is definitely a good sign. Very well done.
DirtyJose: I liked this one. You firmly established your character as the up-and-coming, crowd pleasing babyface, which is important so that people can get behind him. You put over the importance of this match and the people in it. What I liked was you sowing the seeds for a potential feud with my character, which is something we should try to head towards, I think. All in all, solidly done.
Baller: I don't know about this promo. It's odd that your character suddenly started acting like a face, which I don't think suits him very well. Plus, you didn't really address the challengers that much. Could've been better.
Coco: This was an interesting one. You introduced a new character, which helped give Kravinoff depth. You addressed both members of the opposing team and their pasts. And I doubt I'm alone in this, but I got a bit of a Billy-and-Chuck vibe here for some reason. Was that what you were going for? Even if not, this one was still pretty good.
Disarray: Pretty good. You had continuity with your partner's promo, which is always important in a tag team. You also brought in another character to add depth to yours. And I got more Billy-and-Chuck vibes from this one than the previous, so I'm guessing that is what you two are going for. The only downside I can see to this is that you didn't address Baller and Baker that much. Yes, you talked about wanting to win the tag titles, but you didn't really go into beating Ghetto Stars for them. Still pretty good, though.
Showtime: This was a good one for sure. Plenty of comedy as you addressed the problems your character was going through, both physically and mentally. You kept to your character as a friendly, albeit arrogant face. There were some good lines here and there, and you addressed your history with Ty Burna well. The only real complaint I have is that it dragged on just a bit. I understand that you had a lot to address, but it seemed like wasted effort to have the promo be in the hospital, then the limo, then the Show, when just one of those places would've sufficed. Nevertheless, a great promo.
Ty Burna: Pretty good. You kept the storyline going with Stacey and the one concerning your allegiance with Vengeance. You established your character's disdain for Showtime and your history with him. Solid heel promo that actually expanded your character a bit.
Blade: There's one glaring problem I have with this RP. The whole "thinking promo" bit. As in, instead of actually saying the promo aloud, the character is thinking it. I never got that. This is supposed to be something that's going to be on TV, so to have your character's thoughts be heard by the viewers at home never made sense to me. Other than that, this was pretty good. You addressed a common problem people find with your character and still managed to keep him the same. Nicely done.
michigan: This one was pretty good. You addressed your character's heel turn and the spot that USA is in right now. You also looked ahead to challenging for the title again. Classic heel promo, and a great line at the end to boot.
The SC: This one was interesting, to say the least. Your character seems to have gone back to his original roots as a vigilante, of sorts. You've also seemed to have gone into a bit of a tweener role here, while wanting to start a feud with Baller. I'm not sure if this will work (the tweener bit I mean), but I'm interested in how things will go. Not bad.
FalKon: Same problem with Blade's promo. The "thinking aloud" bit. Unlike Blade's promo, this didn't take up the majority of the promo, which is good. Plus, you addressed a decision that your character had to make in regards to his spot in WZCW. The second half wasn't that good, though. Not bad either.
Numbers: Pretty good. It's easy to tell that your character is the arrogant, attention-seeking heel here, and you played to that perfectly. Solid heel promo while keeping to your character's personality, which is a sign of a good job.
Leeds Guy: This one was alright. You did address your feud with Reynolds but only for a bit. You didn't go into too much detail about your feud with him and the upcoming match, which I think will hurt you a bit. It was OK, but it could've been much better.
Low_Ki: Pretty good. You addressed each of the people in this match evenly and put them over as legit threats at the same time. You also talked about your ongoing feud with Reynolds which we'll probably see more of later on. You kept your focus on the title, which is important in a match like this. Solid promo.
FunnyKay: Not bad. One problem I can see is that you didn't put enough focus on the other guys in this match. Giving them only one or two sentences doesn't really work, but multi-man matches are hard to write, so I can understand. I'm interested in this change of character, but I get the feeling that it won't go over too well. Alright promo.
falconsault: Pretty good one here. You introduced us to your character and delved into his backstory a bit, which is always good. A couple of pieces of advice, though. First, I'd recommend against responding to the promos that were already written before yours. There's no rule against it, but it doesn't come off as very original, and can sometimes come back to bite you. Which concerns the second piece of advice, which is you not really having anything to say to those who hadn't written their promos yet. If you don't know much about the characters you're facing, look up their profiles for a basic idea and work from there. Ignoring someone else in a match, regardless of how many are in it, never works well. All in all, a decent promo.
Riaku: I liked this one a lot. A good theme to it, and really funny as well. Each of the competitors were addressed and the theme was kept throughout. And, to be honest, this promo actually got me pumped up for the match, which is definitely a good sign. Very well done.
DirtyJose: I liked this one. You firmly established your character as the up-and-coming, crowd pleasing babyface, which is important so that people can get behind him. You put over the importance of this match and the people in it. What I liked was you sowing the seeds for a potential feud with my character, which is something we should try to head towards, I think. All in all, solidly done.
Baller: I don't know about this promo. It's odd that your character suddenly started acting like a face, which I don't think suits him very well. Plus, you didn't really address the challengers that much. Could've been better.
Coco: This was an interesting one. You introduced a new character, which helped give Kravinoff depth. You addressed both members of the opposing team and their pasts. And I doubt I'm alone in this, but I got a bit of a Billy-and-Chuck vibe here for some reason. Was that what you were going for? Even if not, this one was still pretty good.
Disarray: Pretty good. You had continuity with your partner's promo, which is always important in a tag team. You also brought in another character to add depth to yours. And I got more Billy-and-Chuck vibes from this one than the previous, so I'm guessing that is what you two are going for. The only downside I can see to this is that you didn't address Baller and Baker that much. Yes, you talked about wanting to win the tag titles, but you didn't really go into beating Ghetto Stars for them. Still pretty good, though.
Showtime: This was a good one for sure. Plenty of comedy as you addressed the problems your character was going through, both physically and mentally. You kept to your character as a friendly, albeit arrogant face. There were some good lines here and there, and you addressed your history with Ty Burna well. The only real complaint I have is that it dragged on just a bit. I understand that you had a lot to address, but it seemed like wasted effort to have the promo be in the hospital, then the limo, then the Show, when just one of those places would've sufficed. Nevertheless, a great promo.
Ty Burna: Pretty good. You kept the storyline going with Stacey and the one concerning your allegiance with Vengeance. You established your character's disdain for Showtime and your history with him. Solid heel promo that actually expanded your character a bit.
Phoenix/Thrilledher
Tastycles/Garth Black
More when I'm able to.
Tastycles/Garth Black
More when I'm able to.
Doing what I promised:
Austin Reynolds
Your confidence is growing each week as you hold that Elite X title, and this RP was further proof of that. You managed to combine the elements of what makes you the Ratings Winner into being the champion and the combination worked well here. Things flowed and didn't have any true flaws about it, definitely for the PPV to be route one and on camera to address the fans worked as the element here. While I like your backstage/personal insights, you made a right call to go with this method for the PPV, was really impressed.
Chris Beckford
Short and sweet is the main assumption on this RP. It was interesting to use the scenery of a dark room with a single light, something that heels normally use, to work a face promo and it didn't affect how it was. You summed up the situation very well and definitely have been building up this feud much like Reynolds has been. I'm not sure if this style will be a one off or it's a start of a trend because I think it will be interesting to see this pan out. It was a good RP and I get a hunch this is something you're going to build upon during the next couple of rounds.
Austin Reynolds
Your confidence is growing each week as you hold that Elite X title, and this RP was further proof of that. You managed to combine the elements of what makes you the Ratings Winner into being the champion and the combination worked well here. Things flowed and didn't have any true flaws about it, definitely for the PPV to be route one and on camera to address the fans worked as the element here. While I like your backstage/personal insights, you made a right call to go with this method for the PPV, was really impressed.
Chris Beckford
Short and sweet is the main assumption on this RP. It was interesting to use the scenery of a dark room with a single light, something that heels normally use, to work a face promo and it didn't affect how it was. You summed up the situation very well and definitely have been building up this feud much like Reynolds has been. I'm not sure if this style will be a one off or it's a start of a trend because I think it will be interesting to see this pan out. It was a good RP and I get a hunch this is something you're going to build upon during the next couple of rounds.
falconsault
Pre-Show Stalwart
First of all I must apologize to those that gave me feedback for the PPV, I run into some rough times at work and home so I was unable to take the time needed to give feedback. With that being said, I feel I have to give feedback right now.
Tucker Graham
I have to say, I liked this roleplay. Reading it as the handler of Alex Steele, a lot of Tucker's speech to those around him is empowering. Reading it as Alex, it brings about a calm, one that says I can trust this man to have my back in this match. The confidence in your partner is great.
I think my only complaint, though it's minor really because of the length of the roleplay is that you spend little time discussing the match. Like I said though, the length of the roleplay can cover that up for the most part.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this roleplay.
Tucker Graham
I have to say, I liked this roleplay. Reading it as the handler of Alex Steele, a lot of Tucker's speech to those around him is empowering. Reading it as Alex, it brings about a calm, one that says I can trust this man to have my back in this match. The confidence in your partner is great.
I think my only complaint, though it's minor really because of the length of the roleplay is that you spend little time discussing the match. Like I said though, the length of the roleplay can cover that up for the most part.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this roleplay.
Dave/Constantine: I thought it was OK. I mean you write it well and the intention is clear but I'm not entirely sure what I think of the gimmick. It's unique if only it's a cross between the Saviour gimmick and the cocky, rich heel.
There certainly was something lacking. Maybe we need to find a bit more out about the character or have some NPCs involved to bit more of his personality to come through.
There certainly was something lacking. Maybe we need to find a bit more out about the character or have some NPCs involved to bit more of his personality to come through.
Crashin: It's best if I quote this to show my thoughts.
Decent, certainly improving. Think you would benefit from employing a spellcheck before you post. Think you need to focus on what your actual gimmick & alignment is here. Seemed a little faceish at times but there were some genuine funny moments. You could also work on focussing on one subject at a time.
Gimmick Infringement.
Surely your friend/partner/teammate would know about this. Not a good working relationship.
It's Grandeur. Annoyingly, you seem to randomly capitalise words and this is a bad example.
Freaking hilarious! You did a great job here of pushing along that storyline.
Gimmick infringement #2 and still no explaination.
Decent, certainly improving. Think you would benefit from employing a spellcheck before you post. Think you need to focus on what your actual gimmick & alignment is here. Seemed a little faceish at times but there were some genuine funny moments. You could also work on focussing on one subject at a time.
