RP Feedback Thread

[Low_Ki]

Chris Jones

A truly excellent RP. I loved how you put Hammond down in such a harsh, realistic way in talking about how he wanted to move up but didn't have the talent and then came back down to make things harder for you.

Your interaction with Kensworth was excellent, I loved how you referenced the ladder match and the state of the Mayhem Title and Baez. My characters in big trouble this week. Well done!

 

[a0161613]

Lee/Titus: Reminds me of the RP when I did when I left for the first time. I could care less and went on a rant. Will slagged me off for it at the time. This cannot be seen as a real RP, you’ve clearly been frustrated and this is you venting as far as I see it.

Beckord: Fan-fucking-tastic RP!! LOVED IT!!! There's so much emotion here here and you get it across so well. Yes it's short but it's quality is clear to see. This is really good. I loved how you told the story of our match in particular.

Vengeance: Best compliment I can give is that you weaved a story in a similar way to how Lee did at CG and it worked fantastically well. So intriguing, with so much potential for development, this will keep the interest. Only criticism would be that Everest should have been targetted a little more but generally, the character / story development was great.

 

[DirtyJosé]

Crash Klinic vs Baez & Gordito

Doug Crashin: I can't imagine changing gimmicks but keeping the same character being very easy. With that as the objective when writing this, it's understandable that things feel a little underdeveloped or disjointed. Going forward, though, I would advise taking a little extra time an thinking out how Crashin is changing, and how he handles these changes. How does he show them? Visualize these kind of things, and then share them with us in little ways through out the RP. I don't know your schedule or your life, but try typing your RP in a different program or something so that you can save it, do your own thing for a while, and come back to it. You'll probably have a fresh new set of ideas to plump up your RP, to flesh out a scene more, and iron out any mistakes or awkward exchanges. That being said, I'm eager to see Crashin's role in how recent events play out. I am a Crashin mark, after all. Rumor is Gordito is too.

Steven Kurtesy: I told you already that this was probably my favorite of the bunch. Kurtesy has always intrigued me as a reader because your promos tend to have a touch of that film noir feel. Kurtesy has always appeared to me as a man of many faces and motivations, all on brilliant display here. I consider the RP great because it is not only a great character piece, but it also moves the gears for the next part of Kurtesy's career quite well. I've also been a fan of a lot of the way you lay things out, parts of which I've begun to emulate.

Gordito: Yeah, I'm going to try this, somehow. I feel that the text opening was a neat idea, but I wish I had maybe saved it for another match. It's an attention getter, but perhaps could have been used better. I don't like using Leon, but I felt I should give him another shot. I don't want to make him look like a total pussy, but I also want to avoid making an RP that feels a bit too cheery and agreeable. I just haven't found a comfortable balance with him. I will be switching it up next time as I don't want Gordito to seem like he's punking on the face interviewer. But, if I'm doing this fairly to myself, I should point out what I like about it. I feel I do a good job of weaving talk about previous matches, opponents, and upcoming matches in with the rest of the dialogue and not sound like a script or a list. I like the way I can keep him as a relatable face, but also make him a bit out of place where ever he is or who he's with. Finally, I'm happy with how he's come to define this division as his first home in WZCW. I am quite satisfied with how this turned out. Not to say that it will always be this way, but I agree with some of you that Gordito feels better playing off of someone else than he does by himself. With someone else around, it's much easier to paint him as just a little off base.

Baez:

Alisha: What? No bottles of Kickassery for sale? No revolution to televise? No smart ass witty comments? No sarcasm? I know this is a serious matter, but you shouldn't lose your smile.

Baez: This is a serious matter. My life was taken from me. Again. How do you think I feel?

As if there was any doubt that the name change was for cosmetic value alone, this RP is a fluid but sudden transition for Baez, formerly The Killjoy. Baez feels a bit more angry, and a bit wiser than The Killjoy. I think the strongest image of the RP comes from the quoted exchange towards the end. It caps off a theme throughout the entire RP of Baez walking down the fine line of paranoia. Most importantly, it keeps the title looking important and keeps it (and it's disappearance) the center of attention in the division. The title very obviously means that much to Baez, and it's clear that it's not losing it that upsets him but having it taken away. As if your man didn't already have enough potential, this opens up many other doors for him to develop.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Doug Crashin:

Hey partner, what's going on?

When I first read your RP, I thought it was the best one you have done to date and that this character direction could be good for you. However, I read it a few more times over and over... and I found something you should really work on as you develop along:

Your gimmick is borderlining against other gimmicks, namely Constantine and Chris Jones. Announcing that you are the saviour is a direct reference to Jones and I feel as if you could twist your words around to still make the same impact, but not treading on his gimmick. Constantine is a little different... he is a politician whilst your doing the "reach out to the people" campaign. There are major differences between both of you and doing your thing Doug is great. I like it as I've told you before... but doing the:

The following has been paid for by the Crashin Movement

isn't wise. Constantine has that going for him and has been before you switched gimmicks, as well as the last group of people using it too (I'm referring to the rWo). As long as you adopt the Million Dollar Man persona whilst trying to befriend the people as a heel, you'll go places.

However, the opening of the RP where you have Steven questioning Doug on this Movement is a solid way of doing a campaign promo. It trailed off accordingly into an RP, which does separate you from Constantine.

I'm digging the fact that you aren't referring us as the Crash-Klinic anymore. Whilst still a catchy name, I prefer the Crashin Movement much better. Really gets the emphasis and focus around your character as a leader and a threat. You have GREATLY improved on getting the basics down pact on these RP's. A short, sweet speech on our opponents, as well as references to the past (although breaking kayfabe by saying he stole your gimmick wasn't necessary).

Apart from using the same colour for three people, some spelling/grammatical mistakes and the uneasy transition at the end of the RP... it was a good starting RP with this huge overhaul of your character. As your partner, I hope I can openly say this in front of other eyes without offending you. I really want you to succeed with this. Soon enough, we can legally change our names. You'll be Ace Crashin and I'll be Big Steve. Now, I'll need to borrow some money to take public transport, is that cool? Thanks anyway.


Gordito:

Let's get this out of the way first... I agree with you about the opening. I feel as if there isn't a need for defining the word Mayhem. It could have been saved for a much more important match and would have been a really great build to a promo. I don't see any other initial starting problems apart from that weird space at the start when the van turns up. So, let's aboard the Dirty Train then!

Every time I see a Gordito promo, I automatically associate it with your avatar of Dusty Rhodes... I practically see Dusty Rhodes when I visualise your RP, not Taz(z). That's a good thing because we haven't had anyone with this type of charisma since... er... crap, I can't think of any e-wrestler that's had this on a consistent basis. It really highlights your role of being a face and in doing so makes you stand out from the rest. You make your RP's fun, something which is rarely attempted. Fits very well with the gimmick too.

Sometimes when someone constantly refers to their opponents, they tend to repeat themselves. I got a little scared when I saw what was about to come, but got knocked out with a pretty good rant. No repetition and well-executed on the part of Gordito. It's like you kept punching me and Crashin in the groin. I can see how your interpretation of Leon is a little skewed, but he hasn't been not used properly (if you get what I mean).

Overall, it rocked baby... well, this is my stop. The town of...


Baez:

Wait... I thought this was the town of Killjoy? No real matter, though I do prefer if there was a reference of "Killjoy" somewhere in there. For the character, it is pretty epic. Even if it's just a nickname, Baez by itself doesn't have the impact that Killjoy has. That's a pet peeve of mine though... Ah, you sly bugger. I saw what you did thar, changing the spacings and stuff. That's cool, need to make your RP bitchin... especially with that choice of font... Um, well now... let's get to it.

I like the frustrated, angry angle of the RP. It really brings out how depressed and emotional Baez can be about his division. The end line of Alisha sums up the entire promo well. I understand and empathise as a reader about Baez's situation. The intensity is there... too bad I'm the guy your trying to kill (someone who doesn't empathise with you). The wonders of kayfabe.


Team Efforts:

Baez/Gordito: I like how you separate yourselves enough to show you are singles stars on their own missions, yet you guys have shown co-hesiveness as an alliance for the greater good.

Crashin Movement: We agreed to do a Tag Team RP, but I could not find a suitable way to carry on after Crashin's RP... so I decided to go on an individual basis. I think it's good that we've distanced ourselves for this week since we've both got a lot going on.


Notes on my own RP:

- I am kicking myself that I could not find a logical way to transition from Doug's RP to mine. I literally wrote 5 opening's and tried to go from there but it didn't have the impact that I wanted... so I was forced to do something completely different (which is why my RP submission was so late).

- I'm not completely bummed with the RP. I was approaching my 20th hour of being awake, where 10 of those hours was at work... I made something I'm satisfied with.

- I feel as if I could have done more details for the upcoming match and my current situation. It seems weak to me and lacks an actual knockout blow, but it did the job. I didn't want to say too much, neither.

- I've established too many things in the RP for people to remember. The main points are easy to understand, but there are some subtleties I think people will miss. Not really important though as I can just post these things elsewhere and it won't matter in the long-run.

- Feedbacking your own RP is hard, excluding looking for spelling/grammatical errors and such. There's a fine line you can walk here. You can come off as an elitist or someone fishing for compliments quite easily... so I altered my feedback to make it seem like I'm in the middle. I know I'm fucking awesome, no need to rep me.




More coming up...

 

[ZeroVX]

Low_Ki: I kinda liked this one. Short, sweet, and to the point. You focused purely on the wrestling aspect of the match and nothing outside of it, which fits your character very well. Nicely done.

Leeds Guy: Not bad. I like how you put over the fact that your guy seems to be having a run of bad luck, and just can't win the title. It's an interesting bit of character development, and could lead to something later on. The rest was alright. Not bad, just alright. Good one.

Phoenix: Pretty good. A nice bit of continuity between your character and Black, which makes this match more important than just some one-off to kill time. I also noticed you putting over your long championship reign, which is always important. All in all, a good RP.

Doug Crashin: I noticed one big problem with this that I'm sure someone mentioned already: motivation. You haven't given any reason as to why your character is starting this "revolution". In order to start a revolution, you need to have something to revolt against. What's Crashin revolting against? Why has he made a face turn? Why has he become a "savior"? Without these kind of answers, this just falls apart. Also, Constantine copied you? Do I need to say it?

FalKon: This one was interesting. You explained the current situation with you and Crashin, and also kept your involvement in the Mayhem situation ambiguous, which is what the heel would do. Other than that, I'm not really sure what to think of this.

DirtyJose: I liked this one. You're really good as the plucky face, and it shows here. You constantly put over the Mayhem division as a whole while hyping up your match. Also, I liked the Pulp Fiction-esque intro. Very good RP here.

Riaku: Talk about your 180s. I liked that you put over the situation as serious and worth your full attention, which resulted in a different side of your character. The thing I didn't like was you accusing Constantine. It didn't make a lot of sense, and it seemed like your character was just reaching for answers. Maybe that's what you were going for, I'm not sure. Overall, not bad.

Father:_Polley: The main problem I can see with this is that you focused too much on the controversy of the Apocalypse match. Granted, a lot happened, so there was a lot to cover, but you didn't talk much about Everest, which is a problem. Having said that, you did successfully put over the confusion and ambiguity that surrounds your character and the events of Apocalypse, which is important. Good for story development, but bad for the upcoming match.

michigan: Interesting idea of having your promo as a commercial of sorts. In terms of media, it would get people more interested in WZCW, which is a good thing. As for the actual promo, it was good. You kept your character focused on the title, which could come into play later. You also put over your character's heelish attitude, and why he refuses to associate with the fans. Well done.

More later on.

 

[ZeroVX]

El Thrillernico: I really liked this one. You added something to your character and developed him a bit, which is always important. It wasn't too long, or too short, but just the right length to bring your character to the next level. Plus this new gimmick of "life is pain" is very original and I'm looking forward to where you take it. Awesome job.

Blade: This one was alright. You established your character as the defiant face, and one who won't let the loss against Dave go, so we're definitely going to see you two clash again. The book of Phoenix's life was a nice touch, changing this from your typical promo. But, my one problem with this is that a large portion of it hinged on Thriller's promo. It just seems like a lazy move to me. But, that's probably just me. Not bad.

Dave: Pretty damn good. You clearly established your character as the smarmy arrogant heel, but also played him up as the stereotypical evil politician, so there's some originality to it. Plus, you made it hard to determine just where your character is in the company, as you commented on both Crashin, who's floating around the tag division right now, and both Beckford and Reynolds, who are in the Elite X Division, making it harder to tell what your character will do next. A very good start for you.

Numbers: This one was a good one. You added to your character's background and the interactions with his friends felt very natural. The only comment I really have is the writing, which treats this more like a piece of a novel than a typical wrestling promo. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I have to give you points for attempting a different direction with a wrestling promo. Overall, very good.

The Bearded One-Der: I liked this one. You developed your character and established him clearly to those unfamiliar with him, and he is a very likable character. His energetic and open personality makes it very easy for him to be a face. Plus, I loved your "just say no to saying no" line. Makes me wonder if a feud between Graham and Jones is in the cards...anyway, excellent promo.

falconsault: This one was OK. The beginning was kind of there, but other than that it was alright. Yes, the Kraven the Hunter comparison is obvious, but I think you made it work. You came off as a pure wrestler through and through, which is your character in a nutshell, so points for sticking to your character. Overall, a good job.

Disarray: Pretty good. You added to your character's background a bit, as well as establishing the importance of your tag title win. I also liked your character's problem with the win being overshadowed by everything else that happened at the PPV. My only problem was that it made it a little hard to determine if your character was a face or heel. Maybe that's what you were going for, I don't know. In the end, a good job.

Coco: Interesting promo. Your character was developed a little further while keeping his negative points in the forefront. The promo itself flowed very nicely when leading towards the upcoming match. The only problem I have is your portrayal of your tag partner. You kind of make him look like an overgrown child, which conflicts with his own promo. It does make an interesting dynamic with Hunter, Toyota and Bit as sort of a family, but other than that it doesn't really make sense to me. Anyway, a decent promo.

FunnyKay: Not bad. You brought your character back on track as the pompous elite heel. You put over the previous match while giving your thoughts on the Mayhem situation. I also like you interaction with the escort. The only problem I can see is that you didn't talk THAT much about Lights, which is a bit of a problem. But other than that, pretty good.

Super Crazy: Pretty good. You kept things going with Baller, while also explaining a valid reason for your problem with Holmes. You kept things short and to the point, though whether it was too short is debatable. Overall, not bad.

Lee: Gee, not bitter at all, are you? Anyway, this one was not good. It was a complete, unexplained 180 from your normal persona, which is not a sign of good writing. Having your character suddenly lose his mind over one title loss and blame everyone but himself for it is just sad. My thoughts on how you're handling this "situation" aside, this was not a good one at all.

Showtime: Very good. You explained your character's motivations in detail, as well as added onto your feud with Ty, implying that it's not quite over yet. And while I did comment on Blade using his opponent's promo to add onto his own, in this case you pretty much had to, since Titus made such a drastic change. As such, it was a nice development for your character, changing his opinion of a man he respects just enough to be important. Overall, very good promo.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Chris Jones:

Great interaction between you and Leon here. You've built Kensworth into the credible interviewer that he is by having him make an journalistic introduction to the RP. Not only this, but you've gotten his fear of wrestlers down to a "T." He isn't supposed to shit his pants, but he is supposed to be a little off-put... certainly what you did there when you started your spiel. It's doing quite great until...

... you get to the footage of Constantine's/Crashin's promo at Apocalypse. Your character laughs and rolls to the floor making movements, which you've previously stated makes you hurt. I know it might be a rush for your character, but it doesn't make sense for someone who can't move much do jolts like this. Also, because of this, you have the desire to compete? Honestly, I wouldn't have made that a major part of the promo. Yes, make some reference to it as your motivation for defeating your opponent to get to them, but it doesn't make your character strong having it done from a simple piece of footage that's semi-irrelevant to you.

Good RP here. Sorry if I'm harsh here.

 

[ABMorales787]

Funnykay/Steven Holmes

This RP featured some good character development revolving "Lisa" and the bet, but demeaning your first title match won't do you good. You're still fresh talent. Claiming you're above a division championship without winning a single match maybe a heel tactic, but it's not gonna garner create attention.

**

SC/Jordan Lights

This RP was basically you establishing your character as a singles star. And it worked very well. A normal babyface talking about righting wrongs and beating heels. I'm always a fan of simple solid wrestler promo's

****

Bearded One/Tucker Graham

I didn't feel much of a threat here. You were a nice guy. Acting nice. You threw zero reason to want to beat the World Tag Team Champions other than to impress. Not too smart. I'd be all over the possibility of beating them and getting the belts and taking over the tag division. You also had a very very smart, if no connection at all with your partner. Unless your story calls for it (like mine) that's a big no-no.

**

Alex Steele/Falconsault

This one was pretty OK, but yo spent too much time on the details of the gym and what you were doing. The beginning really dragged because of it. There was again a lack of connection with your partner, which makes the win that much more difficult.

**

Toyota Wasabi/Dissaray

Your character reminds me a lot of a friend of mine. Believe it or not. I liked how well you give emphasis to your division and how you want to bring it up. You continue to connect with your partner, even though it's in a weird way (giving it a sense of uniqueness), it works no matter how slip it in the RP. However, you didn't mention your opponent's much, other than to say you'll beat them. Not that really need to focus on them, but still. It's a peeve of mine.

***

Coco/Kravinoff

Looks like my "Z" nickname is catching on. There's also a John Cena reference in there when mentioning USA. Clever. It was a bit too drawn out, but the crazy is there and your eyes are on your opponents. Something pretty lack throughout the entire thread. Great job with the interaction, too.

****

Vengeance/Polley

Didn't know "dark" people could have legal issues. Seems a bit out of character. But other than that, the RP was well done. Really liked the interview with the janitor and road agents. Nice touch there.

****

Everest/Michigan

Kind of odd to have a promo show up and direct itself to one man in the middle of a different sporting event. But like I"ve said before, I'm a fan of the basics rather than the outlandish. Taunting and mocking your opponent and such won me over.

****

Doug Crashin

Its a Benz, dude. A Mercedes Benz.

I've noticed a few people walk around and talk to people and the people casually know exactly what's going on in The 'Z to detail. I'm not digging that too much. A couple of grammar errors, too. A bit of an abrupt ending. I did like it though. There was some personality in there, that's for sure. Just where's this Crashin Movement thing going anyway?

***

Falkon/Kurtesy

Good cover up.Just kidding of course. I like how you duck the subject of the stolen belt, mainly because there isn't much proof that it was you, other than the paper. You're kinda taking a bit of a Doug Williams route there by saying you're a technical guy, but still using weapons. I like it. Not to mention you keep the connection with Doug even though it seems you're splitting as a team. Good because I hate tag team break up feuds.
****

Dirty Jose/Gordito

You covered my base by emphasizing the Mayhem Division while I went on a blind rage. Also keeping yourself as a singles wrestler. Like the formatting too. Nice touch with the "[]" I don't know the name of those things.

****

Riaku/Baez

You suck! I hope you die! Or go to hell. Whichever is worse!!

***** (They are black because they are evil!)

Big Dave/Phoenix

I assume you looked back at older shows and RP's. Unless you have that kind of memory, which would be awesome. I could barely remember the song played from my alarm this morning. With that, I'm glad you didn't play the arrogant card then because of what happened. Dave is a smart heel. You played it that way by going so far back and with full detail.

****

 

[gd]

Chris Jones - Really solid stuff here. You were in control of Leon the whole time and came off as very intense. Good stuff. You covered a lot as well - the Mayhem Division, your opponent this week, Constantine and Crashin, which could be interesting. You should bring home the victory here, I'd think.

Baez - Like how you could show you dark side, or something of the sort. You're title is gone. You're pissed. You know how to show it. Interesting bringing Constantine into the mix as well. Definetly helps to make the whole storyline more intriguing.

 

[Low_Ki]

FunnyKay/Steven Holmes

Excellent RP. I love the dialogue between yourself and Bateman, the heel persona is really working for you. I love how you referenced the stealing of the Mayhem Belt and I really enjoyed the fact that Holmes was expecting to be Titus' opponent for the World Title.

One small thing, you maybe could have spent just a little longer on putting down Hammond, I like that you checked out his background but maybe referencing the ladder match a little more would have given your criticism of him a little bit more substance. But overall, a really well worked out RP.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Constantine:
This was hilarious. First, my major criticism though. You didn't refer to your previous weeks match enough. You needed more than a passing comment or two. Perhaps talking about how you would become the next Elite X Champion, or something along those lines. Now, I really enjoyed your almost robotic like actions. Stuff like looking at the back of your hand (not remembering the kids name shows just how arrogant you are) and cleaning your hand after shaking the kids hands (bit of a Niles Crane about you). I really loved the idea of you following up on the Baller's head storyline, it worked out really well. Overall a Good RP (and I want one of those T-Shirts)

Scott Hammond:
A Simple, yet effective RP on your part. The idea of trying to meet some of Holmes' friends is a clever one. It shows that Hammond really wants to get inside the mind of Holmes and try and figure out who he is. My main criticism would be that Hammond seemed a tad odd acting as a complete working class bloke. I don't know, it just seemed...kinda forced. Otherwise, a Solid RP.

 

[a0161613]

Disarray/Toyota: This is the first RP I've read of yours and I wasn't expecting what I saw. I was hoping that the character would be a funny, bumbling character with broken English. Instead he was providing a social commentary with perfect English?! I dont suppose I can comment too much as I've not seen other work of yours, but I will say I think you need to work a lot on adding description and you could have commented on how this match and its outcome could have affected future matches between PoT and Tucker/Steele.

Leafy/Hancock: Enjoyed this. The structure is there, with a real balance between dialogue and description which I love. The characteristics and personalty all came through so I would be very optimistic for the future if I was in your position. I'm not sure it will be enough for a W if I am honest. Phoenix is on such a roll at the moment and you are unlucky to have to face him so soon.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Austin Reynolds VS Jordan Lights – First things first, after Rping with you for so long I actually mark out for your character. So I’ll be rooting for Austin against Jordan. I like the setting straight off. Doctors examining Austins neck. The reflecting on the ratings spike and Ascension was a nice touch. Everything else was typical Numbers awesomeness. The way you are not even thinking about Constantine’s match up and clearly focusing on Lights was well written. All in all predictably awesome.

Chris Jones Vs Baez – Nice opening with the interviewers arguing all because there is a thief among us. Nice comedy segments especially with Jones nearly decapitating Serra. Typical heel comments towards Serra. Quite harsh but well done. I liked how you incorporated the Abortions discussion from the forum into the Rp nice touch. I feel you could have spoke about Baez a bit more granted you spoke about how its his fault the title is missing but I feel more could have been said about Baez himself. Good Rp though.

 

[a0161613]

Simmons/VO: Good intro to the character and you have made your gimmick very clear which is a great place to start. I feel that you can make this work as a heel or a face but at the moment it is not too clear. Nonetheless, apart from a lack of description, I think this is decent.

 

[DirtyJosé]

Kurtesy/FalKon:

You know you have hit your objective when I'm reading this and I, writer for Gordito, feel that maybe The Dirty One has got in over his head a bit. I love the trash talking; Kurtesy cuts into Gordito in a way no one has yet, and it's quite effective. Leaving this promo, Kurtesy looks like a dangerous man being pushed to his limits and yet is showing that he is more than capable of maintaining his composure. Great work.

Titus/Lee:

Good to see Titus seemingly emerging from his funk. I would have like to have seen the talk of your rivals fleshed out a little more, but then again that would have killed the pace at the end of the promo. Looking back at it now, I suppose the idea was that the promo was about a much bigger picture than Ty or Vengeance; a concept that many of you great RP'ers warn of to us newer guys, but actually feels warranted in this situation. In the end, it's "mission accomplished", as it's hard to read this and walk away without the feeling that WZCW's hero is back.

 

[a0161613]

Goodknight/S'Punch: One word - formatting. Other than that I really did enjoy it. You got your gimmick across clearly, explained your motives and attacked well. Good use of description too. Good effort.

Falkon/Kurtesy: I liked the way you integrate the injury into the RP and how the Dr tries to be wholesome throughout but you can never shake the feeling that he is behind it all and is hiding something. Good description too.

Gordito/D'Jose: You made it tough for him here and it is close. Liked the description (which was key given the setting) and you immediately made it clear what the Dirty One was all about. Good recap of events surrounding the Mayhem belt too.

 

[Blade]

Coco:
Your RP's are always entertaining, this one is no different. Got some clever stuff, some genuinely funny stuff, and it's also good when it gets to the serious stuff. You're confident writing for you character and you also wrote Leon really well. The one thing I'd say you should be wary of is that it looks like your charater is actually forming some kind of twisted bond with Leon. I know the "one of their trademark awkward silences" bit was a joke, but if you create some kind of kayfabe relationship between Kravinoff and Leon, you'll start using Leon too much and pigeonhole yourself a bit if that makes sense? But apart from that, really good stuff.

B-


The Vintage One:
Considering you're new to the whole RPing thing, that was really good, you've got ass-loads of potential. Your character looks like he'll become a fantastic face with time, so that should be nice to watch. A few tips for you though. Firstly, there were a few clichés in there. The RP that starts with the character working out has been done so many times before. Wrestlers work out, we all know that, so there's no point putting it an RP. Next, the Wunderbar character is an evil german. But you didn't use his gimmick very much in your RP. If you wanna be a big face, you gotta be able to use your opponent's gimmick against them in your RP's, especially one as easy to use as an evil German. But a decent RP, and I look forward to watching your character grow.

C -


Lee:
There's two things I love in RP's: Good storytelling and good emotion. Your RP has both, and I thought it was great. Titus trying to reconnect what matters most to him, the fans, is really cool to see. You go through the history as an actor, the difficult start in wrestling, your rise and your recent problems and it just feels like there's a new chapter of prosperity around the corner for Titus. The one little thing I think the RP could use more of is talking about Ty and Vengeance. But I know the RP was about getting back on track more than anything else, and it looks to be successful.

B+


Superman Punch:
As it's already been said, formatting. Add a bit of colour, makes the RP stand out a bit rather than it just... Being there. But yeah, really good RP, I liked it. You establish your character well and you seem to know what you want to do with it. While the gimmick you're using has been done a few times before in various ways, it feels like you're adding a breath of fresh air to it. So keep developing your character, format your RP's a bit, and you should do well in WZCW.

C -


Leeds Guy:
Really great RP, one of the best I've seen from you. You seem to have a direction in mind for your character, which is always good to see, and you may have sown the seeds for a heel turn, should you decide you want one in the near future. I'm finding the Beckford character very interesting at the moment. The fact that Remmington doesn't seem to know Beckford's problems makes for some dramatic reading. I loved the part about Baller, you used what was practically a comedy segment to your advantage. And the part about Constantine was good, although you seem a bit unsure about Constantine's character. And lastly, one or two grammatic errors, but nothing major. Really good stuff.

B


Numbers:
Not much to say about this RP, in a good way. Good emotion, your stuff about Jordan Lights and Constantine was all very good. You seem to be hinting at a face turn, with your character coming off a slightly tragic due to the injuries and your complaints about being interviewed by Klamour, the top heel interviewer. I can't really find anything wrong with the RP. Really good work overall.

B

 

[Coco]

Blade:

-Torturing interview personalities... is highly appealing when being used to display the weakness in you opponent's game. In regards to taking your opponent down a peg, I think your RP served its purpose very well.

-I liked your last promo better, with it's determination to get back at Big Dave. There seemed to be more direction for Blade in the moment he displayed that then in the whole of this promo, which was more of a "beat my opponent and done" outing. Nothing wrong with that. Just saying. In case you didn't notice. Which shouldn't sound mildly insulting, yet I think does.

Steele:

-Graham and Steele as an official tag team... Okay, I know all good guys in wrestling are sometimes sold as best buddies, but I could use some selling on this come your next tag RP. I get that you "like" him and you evidently work well together (despite an entirely unsuccessful first outing as a team ). A one sided phone call helped lay a bit of foundation, but going foward, I hope to see some serious growth on that front.

-LOVED the second half of the promo. You layed into Kravinoff like a champ and really rode the "he's a fraud" point of view like just about nobody in WZCW has yet. It was very well played on your part, and if you can pack some pack venom like that in all of your RPs, you've got a future.

 

[DirtyJosé]

Reynolds/Numbers:

What's the only thing as riveting to watch as a good guy go bad? A bad guy going good! When it's done right, the crowd/reader will eat their hands in anticipation of being able to cheer on the guy for doing some of the same things he had been getting heat for previously. And a Reynolds face turn feels right in this RP. Going out on the limb of opinion for a moment, I've always thought that an RP which spans many places and times is difficult or awkward to write and read unless it's balanced right. Your RP this week is balanced out quite nicely, with the meat of the RP being in the third segment where it belongs. The previous two segments build perfectly to it, and the pitch perfect use of Klamor puts it over. I will be watching the Ratings Spike this week.

Showtime:

What else can one say about this? It's a total and thorough raping. It's an imaginative use of the gimmick of having a show. It's quite long, but doesn't feel that way reading it because it's as good as a talk show should be, flowing well from gag to gag and never feeling bogged down at any time. This one is looking to be my favorite RP of the week.

Constantine/Dave:

First of all, I want one. What a great shirt! Secondly, this is a great fucking heel RP. He just spits out his evil plan to the parents, with no thought of how he would appear to them. He acknowledges that people are entitled to their opinions, but that doesn't deter him from being dismissive of them, especially when he has big checks he can write to them. Maybe I have a soft spot for heels who follow a sense of protocol. Whatever the case, he is everything a despicable politician type should be in this RP. By the way, this is golden:

Sinclair: I think what my wife is trying to say, Sir. Is that we would give you the head but we already framed it and gave it to my son…

Constantine (looking appalled): You gave a decapitated head to your offspring!?

Not only is the talk of Baller's head highly amusing, but having Constantine refer to their child as "your offspring" was huge in establishing more of what this guy is like and what is going on in his head.

 

[FunKay the Inevitable]

Showtime:
While long, this was a great RP. Personally I would have preferred if you had broken up some of the longer portions (especially towards the end) because it seemed like Showtime was just standing there just talking, where as I feel that he would more likely be doing something with his hands perhaps to emphasise his points etc... but other than me nitpicking, this was a great RP. I felt you had everything you needed down here in this RP. The idea of bringing out a younger Everest was genius and really helped continue the use of The Show. overall a great RP.

 

[ZeroVX]

FunKay: I liked what I saw in this one. The beginning was kinda funny, putting over the arrogance of your character. You also added the idea that Holmes was the thief, which will get some wheels turning, no doubt. Pretty good job.

Low_Ki Interesting promo. I liked the intro with the upper-crust party and all that, but it seemed a little out of place in regards to your character. Having said that, you put over both your previous opponent and your upcoming one, and you did it in a way that suited your "wrestler's wrestler" persona. Not bad.

The Thriz: This one was alright. You kept the spiritualistic aspect of your character prevalent even when talking about something as simple as a handshake, and you also used it to mock Becky a little. The only problem I can see is that you didn't talk about Matt Fox THAT much. I get that you're keeping this thing with Blade going, so maybe that was your intention. Pretty good.

Matt Fox: OK, understand that this is the first time I'm reading one of your RPs, so I don't really know your character. Is he supposed to be a Satanist? I guess that's an area not really explored, but as I read this promo, I kinda felt like I was reading a Vengeance or Ty Burna promo, only not as subtle. I didn't really get anything unique about your character, so this one wasn't that good.

Riaku: I'll skip the first post of the RP, because it wasn't really all that necessary, to be honest. You're putting over how pissed Baez is in regards to the title belt disappearing, which makes perfect sense. And while you not mentioning your opponent that much would usually be a problem, it makes sense here since your character is totally focused on the title. Still a little confused as to why you think it's Constantine, but whatever. Pretty good.

Leafy: I dunno, this one just seemed there. There wasn't anything particularly bad about this one, but it wasn't very good either. You didn't really give me anything in regards to your character, other than he was apparently depressed. Plus, very little mention of Dave. Not impressed.

Phoenix: This one was pretty good. You put over the fact that Dave has held the title longer than anyone else, which should definitely earn him some sort of reward. In fact, I'm surprised that you haven't already moved up to the main event scene. It seems inevitable. Very nice.

Coco: This one was...interesting. I get the feeling I've said that a lot about your RPs, so I guess that's what you're going for. But it was very good. You devoted equal time to establishing your character a bit more (uppercutting an alligator? Dude.), as well as talking about your opponent. Not to mention putting over the tag team titles, which is something a champion needs to do. All around an excellent RP.

falconsault: Pretty good one. You clearly established that you're now in the tag title picture, which is good for motivation in regards to your current feud. Overall a good job.

michigan: This one was alright. You kept your focus on the world title match, which worked for your character, as he would assume he already has the match won. You also made things with Showtime work, since he wouldn't be TOO focused on him, but just enough for him to consider him an annoyance. Nicely done.

Showtime: This one was fun. The whole time travel thing was silly, but it worked. It reflected your character perfectly, goofy and lighthearted, but it turned serious when the time called for it. Very impressed.

 

[ZeroVX]

The Bearded One-Der: This one wasn't bad. There was continuity with you and your partner, which is always important. Plus, you brought up a good point about you being two singles guys who held their own against the tag champs. Solid work.

Disarray: Interesting promo. It's interesting to have your character as a semi-face while your partner is a clear cut heel. You also brought an interesting perspective to your opponent's philosophy, which can be crucial in beating him. Nicely done.

Dave: This was amazing. Your character's smarmy-politician persona is excellent here, and his interactions with the family was hilarious. I can clearly see and hear him speaking with that smug grin on his face. That's a sign of excellent writing. Wonderfully done.

Leeds Guy: I liked this one. You took a shocking moment that was played for comedy, but made the reaction more realistic. It gave your character an interesting edge and I'm looking forward to where it goes from here. Well done.

DirtyJose: Very nice one here. Your character works very well in the Mayhem Division, and is really good as a face. You're also keeping things going with Kurtesy, so I guess that's a sign that you're in a feud. As such, it's good that you're keeping focused on him. Nicely done.

FalKon: Pretty good one. Good job in selling the injuries your character sustained from the previous match. And while you defended his status in regards to stealing the Mayhem Title, you left enough out to give some doubt. Good job here.

Father:_Polley: I'm not really sure about this one. It was good that you addressed the mysterious circumstances surrounding your character somewhat, but you still left some questions unanswered. And I guess having Vengeance's manager/valet do the talking worked, but it would've been good to have Vengeance there to say something. Alright promo.

Blade: This one was interesting. I liked the metaphor you used in regards to Vengeance and his fear-inducing ways. Still, using robotic snakes seems a little over-the-top. Where would Blade find the money to get robots of that caliber? Besides that, though, this one was pretty good.

Total Numbers Action: This one wasn't bad. You sold the injuries from last week, while keeping your character consistent. Plus, you did keep things going with Constantine. The only downside was your bit about Lights. Granted, like you said, you don't have a real problem with him, so there wasn't much you could say. Well done.

Super Crazy: Not bad. You played up your character's history a bit and how it was similar to your opponent this week. Plus, you left the option for a feud with Constantine open. The only problem I see was Lights' interaction with Kensworth. It just felt a little wooden and not very natural. Beyond that, pretty good.

Lee: Pretty good. You went into detail with regards to your character's history while addressing the sudden change your character made. I also liked the more light-hearted tone this had throughout, rather than the ultra-serious dark one the previous had. Overall, a good job.

Ty Burna: I am very, very confused. I sort of got the symbolism you were going for here, how Ty was essentially arguing with himself and berating himself for what happened against Showtime and Vengeance. Problem is, you didn't mention your opponent. At all. I mean, yeah, you said that you weren't going to let anyone get in your way and such, but you made no exact mentions of Titus. Not one of your best.

 

[gd]

Numbahs
- Quotes on top of the color is not needed, but I'm sure this has been discussed before.
- The look into your thoughts is a nice touch
- Fighting champ. I like it.
- Face, correct?
- Solid all around, touched on all the issues, decently entertaining, and enough to get the win here, I'd say.

The Savior, Jones that is
- Liked the interviewers bickering. They're people, too.
- You play the badass loner who beats up random strangers character perfectly.
- Abortion and Racism? Way to speak on the issues, fella.
- Really good stuff here. I like you more and more every week. One of the up and comers of this company, I'd say.

 

[Leeds Guy]

Steven Holmes vs. Scott Hammond - Fantastic Rp here. The comedy at the beginning was well done and the arrogance from your character comes across well. I think your setting your character up nicely in the fed and I think Holmes has a decent future ahead with you behind him.

Scott Hammond vs. Steven Holmes - From the offset the promo is well described and has great comedy moments. The fact that he just wants a beer was well written and the shot at Geoffrey’s wife made me chuckle. You finish up the Rp nicely speaking well about your opponent. Top notch stuff.

Phoenix vs. Matt Fox - Nice start speaking to Becky like she is a child, typical heel move but well done here. You talk about Fox well but its very short...in fact the whole Rp seems kinda short. I also loved the paragraph about tag teams falling apart. Your character would know this more than anything after the last couple of months.

Matt Fox vs. Phoenix - First off great description throughout the Rp. For me though it could have been laid out better as the two shades of blue don’t really mesh well together. The Rp is solid and you speak well about your opponent. The paragraph about your return was very well written. However as I wasn't here when you left it would have been good to know kayfabe why your character left. Unless of course you're keeping that out intentionally.

Wasabi Toyota vs. Tucker Graham - Nice Rp. Well written and well laid out. I'm enjoying this interesting Face/Heel team and looking forward to where you guys can take this. I like the fact that you big up Reckless Youth while I'm sure Kravinoff will put them down. I also loved how you incorporated the images into the Rp. Top notch stuff.

Tucker Graham vs. Wasabi Toyota - Interesting start with Tucker feeling the loss and beating of last week. I'm not sure if your a heel or face however as you are all buddy buddy with Leon but I really disliked the ''Toyota BETTER respect us and Kravinoff will learn after Steele beats him'' comes across very heelish. The rest of the Rp is decent however and it sets up nicely for the match.

Baez vs. Chris Jones - Not really sure why you needed 2 Rps here and I got to be honest the layout for the first Rp was horrible it was much better looking in the 2nd Rp. The first Rp has nothing to do with anything and would have been served better in the random Rp thread. That being said, the second Rp was better. I like how Baez is still pissed at ''losing'' the mayhem championship and I think it's good that he is looking outside the box that it really could be anybody (IE Blaming Constantine) Much better but I think the original Rp harmed this.

Constantine vs. Chris Beckford - Awesome. I said in the discussion thread how awesome this Rp was. Firstly the description is fantastic, the comedy is great and the arrogance of your character is there for all to see. If I have one criticism it's that you didn't talk about Beckford much. But that's just nitpicking. Just an exceptional heel Rp. Also having only Rp'd twice as Constantine you seemed to have picked up directly where you left as Karnage.

Gordito vs. Dr Steven Kurtesy - Fantastic stuff here man. The interaction with Gordito and Stacey is well written. You speak about the Mayhem division well and your opponent at the moment the Mayhem division suits your character but I can see him going onto to bigger things if you consistently write how you have been writing. Great stuff

Dr Steven Kurtesy vs. Gordito - The description as always is fantastic. Nice working putting the injury into the Rp. I'm also enjoying how you’re innocently playing down the fact that you were involved in the mayhem situation but there’s that nagging feeling that you're hiding something. Usual awesomeness from you here.

Blade vs. Vengeance - Robot snakes??? Fair enough. A strange one from you here. Your interaction with Leon was well done and scaring the living piss out of him is always fun to see from a heel. I like how you speak about Vengeance comparing him to the robot snakes. I also love the closing segment leaving an unconscious Leon behind typical Blade. Nice stuff

Vengeance vs. Blade - Nice opening. Keeping the theme going. Well written stuff here although I'd have liked to have seen more Vengeance in the Rp itself however you seem to have an angle here that I'm sure will all become clear soon enough. The rest of the Rp is just your run of the mill crazy speak from Tarja. Good stuff though.

Jordan Lights vs. Austin Reynolds - I skimmed through your Rp at first and realised straight away that there was no mention of Baller. Seems kind of strange as you were building up a feud with him before his ''death'' Nevertheless the rest of the Rp was solid. Nice interaction with Leon and I liked how you compared your past with Austin. You're a bit of a wildcard here because you could easily insert yourself into the Elite X picture. Good stuff

Ty Burna vs. Titus - Interesting cryptic stuff here. I'm not exactly sure what's going on in the Rp so I'm going to keep this short. The layouts great and the way you speak about your return was done very well.

Titus vs. Ty Burna - Reliving the history of Titus. I thought this was fantastic as I really didn't know much about Titus history and this filled me in. The Rp feels emotional as if it's leading you to your big goodbye. Really good stuff here.

Big Dave vs. Mark Hancock - Great description in the intro and good interaction with Klamor. I love the fact that Dave has realised to go any further he needs to lose the Eurasian championship and you capture the realism and frustration very well. Usual awesomeness from you.

Mark Hancock vs. Big Dave - Not bad. I would say you need to add more description into your opening however. We kind of see a bit about your character with his drinking which is a unique way to go. You didn't speak about your opponent at all though. Keep going though you'll get there after a few more Rp's just unfortunate that you’re against Dave this week.

Alex Steele vs. Hunter Kravinoff - Nice way to go with the dates fairly unique. The phone call seems to insinuate that you're getting along well with Tucker. The second part of the Rp is well done. I loved the fighting talk about Hunter. Overall good stuff

Hunter Kravinoff vs. Alex Steele - Nice comedy in the Rp and you seem to be building somewhat of a relationship with Leon which is strange considering you're a heel. I love this character though. So so strange, but you write him very well. You also finish up very strongly. Great stuff.

Showtime Cougar vs. Everest - great stuff. Comedy segments keep on coming. Very good stuff and you utilize the talk show very well. You mix the comedy up with a serious ending and speak about Everest very well. Really really good Rp.

Everest vs. Showtime Cougar - Nice Rp, you speak about Cougar well and set yourself up very nicely for the match. The back and forth with Becky is done well and it will be interesting to see what will happen. Good stuff.

 

[Lee]

Holmes

I don't get why Holmes needs bodyguards, he's just joined the most ruthless faction going at the moment and is scared of Baez so much he needs body guards? Just seems a bit odd to me.

The photo bit was a good way to show your different sides. Though what I don't get is the line "the man is simply a disgusting human being...wears a mask" (yeah I missed a bit out) but that seems rather out of place for a man who's just spent the past month or so running around in a mask with the Mayhem belt.

Now the ending to the RP was flawless, I like the emotion of it, the answer as to WHY you joined, what match you want. I like how Holmes was in this RP, he understands that he's now part of the Crashin movement however he has also kept his individuality, something which some stables severely lack. I look forward to seeing what's in store next for the movement.