RP Feedback Thread
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Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Killjoy:
The character development here being based purely on the Mayhem division is a great touch, considering you are the face of it right now. I like how you demand for more competition and some stability in something that isn't particularly stable.
Only thing I have to point out was that the mentioning of Gordito was a little weak. You made yourself a face by saying you respect him (who is also a face), but there was no substance as to why you are better than Gordito. Something was needed here.
The character development here being based purely on the Mayhem division is a great touch, considering you are the face of it right now. I like how you demand for more competition and some stability in something that isn't particularly stable.
Only thing I have to point out was that the mentioning of Gordito was a little weak. You made yourself a face by saying you respect him (who is also a face), but there was no substance as to why you are better than Gordito. Something was needed here.
FunKay the Inevitable
People Like Me, We Don't Play
Killjoy:
Fun stuff here. The whole protest like scenario was well done and showed that Killjoy knows how to work a crowd. Including Chuck Myles in there was interesting and I can see sort of an Authority Figure vs. Working Man feud coming out of this. I also liked how you're trying to revitalise the Mayhem Division. Several Excellent Ideas.
Fun stuff here. The whole protest like scenario was well done and showed that Killjoy knows how to work a crowd. Including Chuck Myles in there was interesting and I can see sort of an Authority Figure vs. Working Man feud coming out of this. I also liked how you're trying to revitalise the Mayhem Division. Several Excellent Ideas.
Pheonix/ Dave: Pleasure working with you on this one. THe language was the highlight here. And I like the fact that you give no ground to Austin and show total reluctance in working with him. With Blade showing that he is working Hammond and Beckford, the match should be fairly combustible.
Blade: Great description, good length and a great way to tell a story, The parts for Beckford and Hammond were very well written and maneouvred.
Blade: Great description, good length and a great way to tell a story, The parts for Beckford and Hammond were very well written and maneouvred.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Austin Reynolds & Big Dave
I'm going to collectively group you two for this one because if these RP's were individual and not tag team ones, then I'd say they were excellent. Truly, they were.
However, as a tag team, it doesn't have the same feel considering that you two have connected it. Not sure if it's intentional or not, but I will treat it as if it were. Big Dave, I believe that your RP should have gone first as it leaves the cliffhanger at the end, which would lead up to the much anticipated RP left by Austin. Why have the exact same situation happen if the first one already reveals what happens? Austin, after Dave posted his RP, you should have started from you arriving to the arena from your perspective and finishing up the scenario from there, to then proceed to having the conversation with Hayley and Dominic. It could have cleared out some descriptions and cut down the RP length (though I have no problem with it).
Other than re-arranging the RP's, they were pretty good as stated above. I have nothing to make complaints about.
Blade
Very wise choice to utilise your destiny gimmick for a rare stipulation: an interesting concept, indeed. I like how you didn't just repeat yourself when you transferred between Beckford and Hammond, as well as not dedicating equal amounts of time to both men. The addition of the interview left a lot to be desired here. It's as if that you are resting the entire teams efforts on your unknown partner. Hell, I'd go as far as saying that you didn't even need the interview at all. Those two scenes did the RP perfect. The climax ended as soon as you talked to Becky.
I will give props for the idea though, very clever. Epic promo.
I'm going to collectively group you two for this one because if these RP's were individual and not tag team ones, then I'd say they were excellent. Truly, they were.
However, as a tag team, it doesn't have the same feel considering that you two have connected it. Not sure if it's intentional or not, but I will treat it as if it were. Big Dave, I believe that your RP should have gone first as it leaves the cliffhanger at the end, which would lead up to the much anticipated RP left by Austin. Why have the exact same situation happen if the first one already reveals what happens? Austin, after Dave posted his RP, you should have started from you arriving to the arena from your perspective and finishing up the scenario from there, to then proceed to having the conversation with Hayley and Dominic. It could have cleared out some descriptions and cut down the RP length (though I have no problem with it).
Other than re-arranging the RP's, they were pretty good as stated above. I have nothing to make complaints about.
Blade
Very wise choice to utilise your destiny gimmick for a rare stipulation: an interesting concept, indeed. I like how you didn't just repeat yourself when you transferred between Beckford and Hammond, as well as not dedicating equal amounts of time to both men. The addition of the interview left a lot to be desired here. It's as if that you are resting the entire teams efforts on your unknown partner. Hell, I'd go as far as saying that you didn't even need the interview at all. Those two scenes did the RP perfect. The climax ended as soon as you talked to Becky.
I will give props for the idea though, very clever. Epic promo.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Chris Beckford:
A couple of grammatical mistakes that don't matter in there, but since this isn't particularly important... a pretty good face promo that reminds me of the current John Cena. You let out a couple of humourous lines in there to keep me interested, though allowing to build something strong in deliverance towards your opponents. I like how you address all aspects of what could happen with your character with this weeks set of shows and it was well done.
Pretty damn fine face RP.
Scott Hammond:
I've got to say, not a fan of the entire RP being placed in bold but that's up to you whether you'd like to use it. There is the odd spelling mistake as well. To the important stuff, this was a pretty good transitioning RP from going to heel into a face turn. The use of the tweener was well done, showing more face-like characteristics rather than heelish. You managed to make me laugh a couple of times as well, which made me enjoy the RP that little bit more. One thing I will mention though is your shot at Chris Beckford:
Yes, it does make his character look weak and you stronger with is what you'd want to do when discussing your opponent, but he is the type of face that naturally won't mention issues like this. It'd be more logical to say he might think it. That's just a personal preference.
Very good promo. This will be a classic battle between the two of you, methinks.
A couple of grammatical mistakes that don't matter in there, but since this isn't particularly important... a pretty good face promo that reminds me of the current John Cena. You let out a couple of humourous lines in there to keep me interested, though allowing to build something strong in deliverance towards your opponents. I like how you address all aspects of what could happen with your character with this weeks set of shows and it was well done.
Pretty damn fine face RP.
Scott Hammond:
I've got to say, not a fan of the entire RP being placed in bold but that's up to you whether you'd like to use it. There is the odd spelling mistake as well. To the important stuff, this was a pretty good transitioning RP from going to heel into a face turn. The use of the tweener was well done, showing more face-like characteristics rather than heelish. You managed to make me laugh a couple of times as well, which made me enjoy the RP that little bit more. One thing I will mention though is your shot at Chris Beckford:
Yes, it does make his character look weak and you stronger with is what you'd want to do when discussing your opponent, but he is the type of face that naturally won't mention issues like this. It'd be more logical to say he might think it. That's just a personal preference.
Very good promo. This will be a classic battle between the two of you, methinks.
Baller: Read your post in the discussion thread so this may be why I’m going to coming across as harsh.
I think I’m missing part of the story where you are feuding with your own tag partner. The first few lines came across as so arrogant, especially to him. And it didn’t really let up. The Kobe of WZCW line is baffling to me given your past and current status.
I like your point about Teach’s name being first and there were some good lines in that last part.
Some formatting errors also, a real lack of description and confusing dialogue means this is far from your best.
You shot for a face direction and ended up as tweener at best. There was no humility or emotion there.
I think I’m missing part of the story where you are feuding with your own tag partner. The first few lines came across as so arrogant, especially to him. And it didn’t really let up. The Kobe of WZCW line is baffling to me given your past and current status.
I like your point about Teach’s name being first and there were some good lines in that last part.
Some formatting errors also, a real lack of description and confusing dialogue means this is far from your best.
You shot for a face direction and ended up as tweener at best. There was no humility or emotion there.
Super Crazy
CABS ARE HEEEERREEE!!
Baller - Dude, you're just not cut out to be a face are you? Sorry to sound so harsh, but I mean come on. You say you were trying to be a face in this RP, yet again it didn't come off that way at all. No face talks about carrying the tag team and somewhat belittles their tag team partner. It was a decent RP at best and it didn't come across how you wanted it to I think. If you're trying to be a face, start with being a nice guy in your RPs and not as cocky.
Kurtesy - Excellent RP. I love how you touched on your past and sort of brought everything full circle. You're a great writer and I love your work.
Beckford - Good work this round. Not only were you fighting for your match, but you were fighting to get into another match, and you did a great part of showing that in your RP. I like how you touched on all bases. Keep up the good work.
Kurtesy - Excellent RP. I love how you touched on your past and sort of brought everything full circle. You're a great writer and I love your work.
Beckford - Good work this round. Not only were you fighting for your match, but you were fighting to get into another match, and you did a great part of showing that in your RP. I like how you touched on all bases. Keep up the good work.
FunKay the Inevitable
People Like Me, We Don't Play
Heavy Artillery:
There's something quite innocent about this promo. It's all good fun and childish but with an element of dram with the realisation of the split. It could have been a little disjointed, with three locations, but you did well by putting the break in-between. Overall this is a nice farewell of sorts to The Heavy Artillery team.
There's something quite innocent about this promo. It's all good fun and childish but with an element of dram with the realisation of the split. It could have been a little disjointed, with three locations, but you did well by putting the break in-between. Overall this is a nice farewell of sorts to The Heavy Artillery team.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Heavy Artillery:
It's said to see another good tag team go. Against TN'K, you guys were like the Second Coming to our FHD (and not in a bad way). A lot of sentimental and personal feelings gone
Ah well, this happens.
Great to see that you are embracing your tag team/individual gimmicks well in the end and try to finish the team on a high note, unlike some of the previous teams. It goes to show that not all team break-ups need a feud or bad blood stemming from them. Not sure why you go to a restaurant only to head straight to Taco Bell, but it works. The idea of talking about Karzai taking a break might have been better whilst driving since the two of you bond better (kayfabe of course) in the van.
Other than personal preferences, I like these RP's. Good enough to garner the win.
It's said to see another good tag team go. Against TN'K, you guys were like the Second Coming to our FHD (and not in a bad way). A lot of sentimental and personal feelings gone
Ah well, this happens.Great to see that you are embracing your tag team/individual gimmicks well in the end and try to finish the team on a high note, unlike some of the previous teams. It goes to show that not all team break-ups need a feud or bad blood stemming from them. Not sure why you go to a restaurant only to head straight to Taco Bell, but it works. The idea of talking about Karzai taking a break might have been better whilst driving since the two of you bond better (kayfabe of course) in the van.
Other than personal preferences, I like these RP's. Good enough to garner the win.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Austin Reynolds
Great RP as ever, the thing I like about you is you pull the stops for every RP you do, that's something that turns someone from a good RPer into a great Rper. THe description was spot on, it flowed, didn't feel like it dragged out. Good play
EDIT: Regarding feeback for mine That bit was fine when I checked when I posted, and it's fine now....I'm intrigued as to how it reverted back :/
Great RP as ever, the thing I like about you is you pull the stops for every RP you do, that's something that turns someone from a good RPer into a great Rper. THe description was spot on, it flowed, didn't feel like it dragged out. Good play
EDIT: Regarding feeback for mine That bit was fine when I checked when I posted, and it's fine now....I'm intrigued as to how it reverted back :/
Titus!
First thoughts; you instantly grip the reader by having the interviewers argue, that was cool. It was fun watching you play with Ty's gimmick a bit, not to mention downplaying the supernatural element of it. You cover all the bases in terms of past, present and future, as well as talking about both Ty and Vengeance. Great RP, definite improvement over you last one or two.
First thoughts; you instantly grip the reader by having the interviewers argue, that was cool. It was fun watching you play with Ty's gimmick a bit, not to mention downplaying the supernatural element of it. You cover all the bases in terms of past, present and future, as well as talking about both Ty and Vengeance. Great RP, definite improvement over you last one or two.
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Blade
Content wise, I liked it. Same style as normal, which isn't a bad thing. The way you worked both Hammond and Beckford was quite good and rather believable. The way
you did it made them trust you all to be part of the bigger game of Blade's mind.
One thing though WZCW rules say if you use someone in your RP you need to ask for permission. I wasn't asked for Titus to be used, whilst I would have said yes, you didn't ask me (I have given permission for Showtime to ask me, he's the only one who said yes). I'm sat in a canteen eating lunch when Showtime says leave it, it makes me look like a jealous 14 year old quarterback, which is totally out of character.
Content wise, I liked it. Same style as normal, which isn't a bad thing. The way you worked both Hammond and Beckford was quite good and rather believable. The way
you did it made them trust you all to be part of the bigger game of Blade's mind.
One thing though WZCW rules say if you use someone in your RP you need to ask for permission. I wasn't asked for Titus to be used, whilst I would have said yes, you didn't ask me (I have given permission for Showtime to ask me, he's the only one who said yes). I'm sat in a canteen eating lunch when Showtime says leave it, it makes me look like a jealous 14 year old quarterback, which is totally out of character.
Titus (Lee) - Dude! Where do I start with this one!?
Personally, I may be out of the best RP's I have had the e loop but this is a damn fine RP, probably one of the best I have had the pleasure of reading and that is nothing to do with the fact that you are my actual friend. It is solely based on how much I enjoyed reading the RP and how original it was. I haven't seen much of anything like that before. Sure, Ty uses the Ouija board but this was a whole new spin on that concept and it really worked wonderfully well. It explained all we needed to know about Titus and addressed both the match and the opponent in a way that was entertaining to read.
Fantastic read, man. I hope Ty can match this and give us an epic encounter between two of the most original talents of WZCW.
***** RP.
Personally, I may be out of the best RP's I have had the e loop but this is a damn fine RP, probably one of the best I have had the pleasure of reading and that is nothing to do with the fact that you are my actual friend. It is solely based on how much I enjoyed reading the RP and how original it was. I haven't seen much of anything like that before. Sure, Ty uses the Ouija board but this was a whole new spin on that concept and it really worked wonderfully well. It explained all we needed to know about Titus and addressed both the match and the opponent in a way that was entertaining to read.
Fantastic read, man. I hope Ty can match this and give us an epic encounter between two of the most original talents of WZCW.
***** RP.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Titus:
I should sue just about everyone for gimmick infringement:
... The promo idea was pretty good in making Ty Burna look like a complete idiot, which is what the whole idea of an RP is usually supposed to achieve. I chuckled many times with Titus repeatedly going "The Oujia..." and how the audience reacted to it.
I'd have to say this is one of, if not, the best RP I have read from Titus. It covered all fronts without flaw (besides the spelling/grammatical mistakes in some spots of the RP)
I should sue just about everyone for gimmick infringement:
... The promo idea was pretty good in making Ty Burna look like a complete idiot, which is what the whole idea of an RP is usually supposed to achieve. I chuckled many times with Titus repeatedly going "The Oujia..." and how the audience reacted to it. I'd have to say this is one of, if not, the best RP I have read from Titus. It covered all fronts without flaw (besides the spelling/grammatical mistakes in some spots of the RP)
Lee
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's Supermod!
Kurtesy
I always love how neat your RPs look, the colour choices are good and in turn always starts the promo on a cool calm level.
The emotion in this one was good, you could feel it. Anyone who has "It's for your own good" in a promo is good by my standards!
The Leon impromptu interview as you were rushing to the entrance was pretty good, and we're seeing more of Kurtesy and Crashin as a team (even if briefly).
I always love how neat your RPs look, the colour choices are good and in turn always starts the promo on a cool calm level.
The emotion in this one was good, you could feel it. Anyone who has "It's for your own good" in a promo is good by my standards!
The Leon impromptu interview as you were rushing to the entrance was pretty good, and we're seeing more of Kurtesy and Crashin as a team (even if briefly).
Steven Kurtesy vs. Mr Baller - Beautifully laid out like usual. I loved how you used Deserts and the RP felt very emotional. What you said in the RP is very true; I think you'd do just fine as a singles competitor. The flashback to KC and the use of Teach was very well done.
Heavy Artillery vs. Pride of Toyota - Decent promo here SC. I like the others are sad to see you guys break up. The RP is good enough to get the win here. I like how you kept the consistency flowing throughout the tag team run and you finish strong here.
Blade and Beckford/Hammond vs. Austin Reynolds and Big Dave - I loved this RP its the exact thing I'd expect anybody in your position to do. I loved how you play Beckford and Hammond against each other trying to add petrol to the fire, great heel move. However I feel the RP concentrated more on this than you did on your opponents. You gave them a small paragraph at the end of the RP; I felt you could have done more to address them. Great RP though.
Austin Reynolds and Big Dave vs. Blade and Beckford/Hammond - Greatness here as usual Numbers. The opening is good with Hayley and Dominic and then the typical Reynolds arrogance. I enjoyed it when you went through the weaknesses of both Beckford and Hammond and that you really didn't care who you faced. The way you finished up was great. Dave giving you a warning and then the narrator summarising was very well done.
Austin Reynolds and Big Dave vs. Blade and Beckford/Hammond - The RP works great IF its read before Numbers. Nevertheless it is very good. Very focused and a lot to say about your main opponent Blade. I also liked what you had to say about Reynolds you show....some could say disrespect towards him, which is strange considering he is you tag partner. Overall very good.
Scott Hammond Vs Chris Beckford - I like the layout and the transition of tweener to face. I like how you show respect to not only your opponent but to Blade as well. The back and forth with Becky is very well written and the thoughts about Dave and Reynolds felt very Emotional. Good RP here.
Heavy Artillery vs. Pride of Toyota - Decent promo here SC. I like the others are sad to see you guys break up. The RP is good enough to get the win here. I like how you kept the consistency flowing throughout the tag team run and you finish strong here.
Blade and Beckford/Hammond vs. Austin Reynolds and Big Dave - I loved this RP its the exact thing I'd expect anybody in your position to do. I loved how you play Beckford and Hammond against each other trying to add petrol to the fire, great heel move. However I feel the RP concentrated more on this than you did on your opponents. You gave them a small paragraph at the end of the RP; I felt you could have done more to address them. Great RP though.
Austin Reynolds and Big Dave vs. Blade and Beckford/Hammond - Greatness here as usual Numbers. The opening is good with Hayley and Dominic and then the typical Reynolds arrogance. I enjoyed it when you went through the weaknesses of both Beckford and Hammond and that you really didn't care who you faced. The way you finished up was great. Dave giving you a warning and then the narrator summarising was very well done.
Austin Reynolds and Big Dave vs. Blade and Beckford/Hammond - The RP works great IF its read before Numbers. Nevertheless it is very good. Very focused and a lot to say about your main opponent Blade. I also liked what you had to say about Reynolds you show....some could say disrespect towards him, which is strange considering he is you tag partner. Overall very good.
Scott Hammond Vs Chris Beckford - I like the layout and the transition of tweener to face. I like how you show respect to not only your opponent but to Blade as well. The back and forth with Becky is very well written and the thoughts about Dave and Reynolds felt very Emotional. Good RP here.
FunKay the Inevitable
People Like Me, We Don't Play
Alexander Steele
It's an interesting way to set it out and really does have some highlights in it. But there is a real big flaw with it. It's a bit too busy. I know you said that you were introducing a supporting cast of sorts but there is a bit too much going on here. I like your ideas but maybe if you'd saved some of them for a separate RP, then this would have worked better. Overall it's a solid RP but a little too busy.
It's an interesting way to set it out and really does have some highlights in it. But there is a real big flaw with it. It's a bit too busy. I know you said that you were introducing a supporting cast of sorts but there is a bit too much going on here. I like your ideas but maybe if you'd saved some of them for a separate RP, then this would have worked better. Overall it's a solid RP but a little too busy.
Behold. The biggest Feedback post in the history of WZCW.
Blade
Austin Reynolds/Numbers
Hey, you stole my bell ringing shtick. Nah, just kidding.
Phoenix/Big Dave
Polley/Vengeance
Showtime
Low_Ki/Scott Hammond
FalKon/Steven Kurtesy
Baller
Chris Jones/ZeroVX
Gordito/DirtyJose
Titus
Ty Burna
Thriller/Phoenix
FTS/USA
Michigan/Everest
Steven Holmes/FunnyKay
SC/Heavy Artillery
Blade
Austin Reynolds/Numbers
Hey, you stole my bell ringing shtick. Nah, just kidding.
Phoenix/Big Dave
Polley/Vengeance
Showtime
Low_Ki/Scott Hammond
FalKon/Steven Kurtesy
Baller
Chris Jones/ZeroVX
Gordito/DirtyJose
Titus
Ty Burna
Thriller/Phoenix
FTS/USA
Michigan/Everest
Steven Holmes/FunnyKay
SC/Heavy Artillery
Father:_Polley
Fun's my Chinese neighbour's name
Since I've since adopted the feedback for feedback idea, thus far Killjoy gets feedback:
The last few weeks have had some interesting scenarios. Unique and definately entertaining. I feel you keep an otherwise (oddly) serious division light-hearted and it's necessary. Plus you give me feedback so all is good
The last few weeks have had some interesting scenarios. Unique and definately entertaining. I feel you keep an otherwise (oddly) serious division light-hearted and it's necessary. Plus you give me feedback so all is good
Polley/Vengeance: There is definitely a verve back in your step. I've always liked the style and you always back it up. I like how you have started to build something here that will culiminate in your PPV RP.
Definitely excited to see you get a world title shot and to see what you can pull out with that pressure and expectation.
Definitely excited to see you get a world title shot and to see what you can pull out with that pressure and expectation.
falconsault
Pre-Show Stalwart
Tucker Graham
Good role play, I did enjoy reading it somewhat and I do wish that you would have shown for the Battle Royale.
With that being said, some of the role play didn't exactly flow with me. Some of your lines seemed to rush his speech and there was, from what I caught, a single form of verb confusion. When Tucker stated that right now he's concerned about training and such, he should've said that it's because he knows that it will bring him closer to his dream, not so much that it would. If you read over that line and put will in place of would it will flow much better at that junction.
All in all a good role play that I wish had've been against me in the Battle Royale. You picked the character back up after facing a loss the way he did and gave him a reason for having failed and being more determined, I like that. Good work!
Good role play, I did enjoy reading it somewhat and I do wish that you would have shown for the Battle Royale.
With that being said, some of the role play didn't exactly flow with me. Some of your lines seemed to rush his speech and there was, from what I caught, a single form of verb confusion. When Tucker stated that right now he's concerned about training and such, he should've said that it's because he knows that it will bring him closer to his dream, not so much that it would. If you read over that line and put will in place of would it will flow much better at that junction.
All in all a good role play that I wish had've been against me in the Battle Royale. You picked the character back up after facing a loss the way he did and gave him a reason for having failed and being more determined, I like that. Good work!
