RP Feedback Thread

[Ty Burna]

Showtime: Definitely a change of pace considering what your old RP's used to be. I like the seriousness of this RP as it brings out a different part of your character we don't get to see much. I like the RP, but it feels like it's missing something. I can't put my finger on it, but it's missing that pizazz you typically put into your rps.

Karnage: Hmmm where to start. It's a good character building RP, it shows a more cool and calm Karnage, yet with the intensity and anger your character houses. It's a nice dichotomy, and really gives more depth for your character. Not much in regards to your match with Showtime, and sometimes that's not needed as you're focusing more on your character development and your match at Redemption. I think a little more length to your rp would have done wonders by discussing your match with Showtime a little more in depth, as you were the one that helped Dave destroy Steel. You're semi involved with their feud because of that, and I would have liked to see more dialogue based on that feud. Otherwise a solid RP.

 

[Ty Burna]

Blade: Good RP here Blade, and I can tell you're struggling for inspiration at times with your RP's right now due to not having a set storyline in place. That should change soon, and really just focusing on what title you want to go for in this RP was the best way to go. Breaking it up into three parts works well here, showing the different parts of your story and finally ending on discussing your opponent. Not too bad, I will expect a lot more when your decision on what title to go for is made.

 

[Ty Burna]

Austin Reynolds: Great focus on your opponent, while at the same time discussing your title match at Redemption. That is a great way to blend the future and the present situation. I will say this though, this almost reads like a face RP, not necessarily a bad thing as I think Reynolds would work better as a face anyways but that's beside the point. I'm looking forward to your triple threat with Karnage and Beckford at Redemption, even if the Eurasian match will upstage it .

 

[Lee]

I think I will do feedback a bit differently in that I will do it like an LD, I'll likely criticise like fuck to start with but give an honest feedback at the end.

Baller

• Belfast is in Northern Ireland not Ireland.
• The interviewer/interviewee late thing has been done to death
• I like the back in forth with Baller/Baker you two have chemistry.
• The St Paddys day thing was really weird, that was a good few weeks back
• I had a chuckle at you saying you were undefeated you've had what one/two matches?

Dude when you said you and Baker wanted to be a tag team I was very sceptical, however you've proven me on. This is the best RPing I've seen for you by a long shot. Good work man. Keep it up

Blade

• I love the phrase walk and talk so you get a point for that.
• I loved the cocky thing with Bateman and him pretty much saying nar fuck you
• Pssh a board with stuff on sooooo original ¬_¬
• The comparisons work and the fact you said the EurAsian looked best made me laugh, Elite X is my second fav looking belt after the unified world championship.

For some reason the end seemed rushed, however it was a pretty darn good rp, and with this you seem back on form.

Prototype Payne

• Dude get that knee checked, Dr Jones in medical is really good.
• OK two things that annoy me about interviewers: 1)Someone is either always late (see Baller) or 2) They have to ask to interview. Surely the interview is pre scheduled. Surely?

OK LD feedback really doesn't work with this. Dude this RP was fantastic, I said it in the discussion thread, I hope to goodness you're not cashing in MITB KFAD today or I'm screwed. We really got to see your past your character how he feels at his bare bones. This worked so well.



Doc

I honestly didn't get what it was about, PM what it is was about then I'll give feedback from that.

SuperCrazy

I think you got drunk feedback on msn, if I made that up do shout!

The rest is coming

 

[Lee]

Hide Your Pimps! KillJoy's Here!

LD won't work for this one, I fricking loved it. The quirkyness is complete Mayhem and that's what the division is all about. I also love that you ripped on Leon, but not too much (as some people do). I am digging the face turn very much. Just keep it up man.

Leafy

I preferred last weeks, by far. I know you said you found this weeks hard and it's obvious at that (Not a bad thing, I would say the same for my RP). The best way to stand out in a multi man match is to pick one guy, talk about him....Listing five guys that you're gunna work with or kick ass against it just takes away from the RP as a whole.

Other creative guys I'll do in a bit as I'm not really with it tonight

 

[Prototype Payne]

Lee: This was an ok RP. It was short, but you covered the basics pretty well. It wasn't as good as most of your RP's, but those were amazing. It lacked detail, but you covered what you had to say. I remember something you told me when I first started out here. You said that you base your RP on three principles:

1. Something totally random that develops your character.
2. Address last week's match/current feud not based on the new match
3. Address your match, your opponents, etc.

You covered the current feud with Bratchny and Everest and your match this week. Nothing random here but that's ok. An overall decent RP, but nothing spectacular. You better step it up after Redemption because Payne will be after you

 

[ZeroVX]

Thought I'd give this whole "feedback" thing a shot.

Baller: Pretty good. You established an issue with the champions and focused on them, while mentioning the others involved in the match, but didn't devote a paragraph to them. This indicated that you were going to worry more about winning the titles and nothing else. You even showed that you and your partner weren't 100% on the same page, which will keep things interesting. Very nicely done.

Doc: Solid RP here. Rather than worrying about your opponents and what they were going to do, you established your character as the crowd-pleasing face while addressing any criticisms. That second fan was a bit of an idiot, but I imagine that's what you were going for. Good promo which further developed your character.

Pimpin: First half of this was nicely done. You added on to the conflict between you and your partner that Baller started, which shows that you two are working well together. After that, it just seemed average. You did what a lot of people do in multi-man matches and talked about all of your opponents. Nothing wrong with that, it's just been done before and done better. You talked about how Crashin is bad but you didn't say why. And the reasons you gave for Kurtsey didn't make much sense to me. You did add on to your feud with Karzai and Lights, which is good. Overall, a better-than-average RP, mainly thanks to the first half.

 

[Baller]

Titus - Great RP! I love how you make fun of all the things that you dislike about other RPS, and make it good in your own. Also I enjoyed the volcano bit, another funny segment, and it is a great way to start off an RP as it makes it enjoyable. I don't really know to much about El Guerrero so I can't really comment too much on it, but I like what he said and it made sense without knowing too much on the character. The segment with Becky was very well done, and I that the RWO is still relevant to Titus, and the whole thing pieced together nicely done.

I see a victory in Titus' future and becoming the unified champ.

 

[Lee]

Baller Improving week in, week out. This tag team has done you the world of good. The one thing I myself would have done different is to have carried the convo on, the part where you talk about HA it's as though you shift to promo mode. I think it would be better if you were saying it to Baker. Doing it in a "they are this" way rather than "you are this" way. All in all some good work though, I like how well you two work together.

 

[Low_Ki]

KillJoy - I thought the RP was quite solid. There wasn't much in the way of originality in the RP but I think that this match needed to be stripped down to the bear essentials of what a good old fashioned no holds barred match is supposed to be.

The inclusion of Myles I think was a good touch, and I loved the humorous rip on the very 'British' Scott Hammond. The breaking down of the fact that the title is not supposed to be 'prestigious' I thought was excellent, and the re-iteration of the title simply showing that a wrestler has a 'pair' was brilliant. I think you have a great shot at reclaiming the title. Good job dude.

 

[ABMorales787]

Phoenix/Big Dave:I liked it, but I failed to understand the 6 second deal. Its the 2 pinfalls, I know but the match will take more than that. But thats not important. You showed intensity and determination, but it sounded a bit "face-sided".

***

Showtime 24/7/David Cougar: Good job as always. A very good RP with some great sentiment. You developed your face turn very well.

****

Polley/Lars Reidar: I get the story surrounding Ty and Lars and the fact that they both want to be KFAD. But is having the valets fight each other that way a good idea? Or focusing on Leon and Klamor? Good RP non the less.

***

Bozz/Carmen: I'm wondering what this dark place is. I loved the fonts. It gave the RP a cleaner look. But what exactly do you mean by "going darker"? Suspense is always good, but a little display of whats to come would have been a good add.

****

Lee/Titus: Before I give feedback, its "cinco" not "cinqo". I'll ignore "airporto" because its a mispronunciation not a misspelling.

On with the feedback. I like that you played the airport jam problem. El Guerrero is hilarious. The interview was different but still highlighted the other 2 competitors. My fave RP so far, but its probably El Guerrero, the red mask and Titus trying spanish.

*****

DirtyJose/Gordito: WOW! That was a great face promo. For a new member you really did well. Keep it up.

****

GD/Toyota: Ha ha. I liked it a lot. The font went great with the RP. Toyota is quite the nut job.

****

More to come.

 

[Lee]

Killjoy They were meant to be misspelled, just to emphasis Titus' lack of any Spanish.

Great, fun RP...that's something that is very much missing in RPs lately, having fun. You can just imagine Killjoy in this situation and thinking you know what, I don't really care. I am very much digging the face turn....kudos man, kudos!

 

[a0161613]

Titus/Lee: Really funny in places. Loved the use of the stereotypes and current news. Also thought the RWO being worked in was really clever even though it seemed out of place, you made it work well.

I'll be honest, I like to see more attacks in a promo but thats the job of the challengers. This is a very acceptable promo for a title defence.

 

[Lee]

Reynolds I very much liked this RP. Too often people use the "play a part of an old match" thing in RPs just for the sake of padding it out. For you though it had a purpose to the RP and it worked so well. I loved the thing on the prestige of the belt and this feud I've enjoyed with the dynamics between you and Beckford plus the Karnage thing added in.

The only thing I can pick it is saying it's the most prestigious belt in the company, obviously the WHC is. VERY good rp and this is a tough match to call.

 

[Leeds Guy]

A few bits from me.

Big Dave vs Showtime Cougar - Nice Cryptic RP. When I read this I got the image that Dave seemed slightly insane. Speaking with a poetic twist, Banging around etc. After some semi Deciephering I got the RP and you set yourself up nicely for the match.

Showtime Cougar vs Big Dave - Good Start. I like how most of the UK Roleplayers have mentioned that damned Volcano. I loved how you built the description of the intro around the Volcano. I like the thoughts voiceover. I've never thought to use that in an RP and I think it could work, as it works here for you. This is a really good RP here, the way you speak about Steel, the way you speak about the fans it really shows the depth of your character. I think you have a great chance of taking the belt at Redemption.

Lars Reider and Ty Burna vs Payne and ??? -

Lars - I liked it, I really digged the ladies not getting along and the catfighting at the end. I liked how you spoke about not being scared of the mystery opponent due to having beaten pretty much every big name around, it shows an arrogance about your character. good RP

Ty - I'd have thought that your RP would have started where Lars left off or at least include some interaction between Tarja and Serefina. Still that doesnt have anything to do with the RP. The Rp itself worked really well. Its the typical Ty Burna RP, Dark,Mysterious and ultimatley sets up up well for your match.

Payne and ??? vs Lars Reider And Ty Burna - Standard question and answer RP. You focus' on your opponents well and I enjoyed the talk about the Trance. I like how you covered the title match. However you used 'But I would just like to say that' twice in the same paragraph. Not a big problem however.

Titus vs Everest vs Bratchny - Your RP's always have a nice mix of comedy and seriousness, I like that. This RP was good, I liked the talk about Titus' biggest rival and the interaction with Becky was great to read.. The RP sets you up nicely for your match however I'm not sure it will be enough.

Titus vs Everest vs Bratchny - Great description to start. I said in Showtimes feedback that his voiceover worked well, yours works well here too. Nice little insight into whats going on in Everests life. It was a good RP. will it be enought to bring you the gold though?

Titus vs Everest vs Bratchny - I really like this RP, Bratchny going dark??? what does that mean for WZCW? Great description as usual from you. Out of the 3 I reckon you will be coming away with the belt.

Garth Black vs Phoenix - The opening is good, however the way your character speaks to Becky comes accross to me as quite heelish. I enjoyed you reviewing where you think Second Coming fell apart. It finishes a bit abrupt but good RP.

Garth Black vs Phoenix - Straight to the point, however I felt more intro was needed. Granted its a short RP. Why was he under the towel? what significance did that have to the RP. You ended on a great line - the age of Phoenix starts now.

Karnage vs Austin Reynolds vs Chris Beckford - Nice blog to start the RP off. I really thought this RP just clicked together. I loved the researching of Beckford and Karnages past week matches and I enjoyed how Reynolds seems to be fixated on the Elite X championship, almost as if he needs it to survive. Great RP

Karnage vs Austin Reynolds vs Chris Beckford - I didn't think the first RP was needed, that could have easily fit into the second although it did create some mystery, who is this man thats got Karnage all scared? The second RP was everything I expected from Dave. Great description and insight into Karnages past with the introduction of this man. What I did find a little weird is not one time does Karnage mention Beckford and Reynolds. It comes accross as he thinks this is going to be an easy defence of the title and he is underestimating his oppenents. Granted Marty talked about them, but I personally thought Karnage should have addressed them. I'm interested to see where this goes though.

I will try to get everybody done by the PPV.

 

[Ty Burna]

Beckford - To start my reasoning for my RP and Lars' RP not really relating is because we felt that since we're competing as a team and against each other at the same time, that it would be best to do solo rps. The last round I had a difficult time following up his RP and I felt it wouldn't be right to force one another to follow whoever posts first. One of the few cases I advocate solo Rps rather than Rp's that flow together. That and I couldn't be bothered to think up a witty storyline to continue with so I went back to my tried and true.

Anyway on to your RP man. It's good, you kept it pretty simple with the question and answer type interview. My only issue is that the match that was in the description at the beginning took up a good portion of your RP. It didn't affect the overall quality of the RP, but I was thinking your RP could have a bit more about your discussion with Remmington. Also just a note, I'm not a huge fan of involving a wrestling match in an RP even if it was just training. I just feel including a match isn't necessary if your RP is interview based. If the RP is based around showing how you will defeat your opponent in the ring and you destroy a jobber or something, than I could dig it.

I know I seemed a bit negative but it was a good RP. I like to at least give some sort of criticism when I give feedback otherwise there's no point in posting good RP for everyone that feedbacks mine. That and as Creative I like to give you an idea what I look for in RPs. All three in the Elite X match were good. I had a difficult time voting for that match to be honest guys.

 

[Lee]

Beckford Damn that f'in volcano! Great description at the start but it just seemed to vanish throughout. Good content, very much liked the interaction with Leon, but it did seem a bit rushed to me.

Ty Burna This is an odd RP, I'll explain. I know how pressed you were to do it, and to me it seems very similar to other RPs you have done. Is that a bad thing? Is it heck, you're a great RPer and that works well. I know you can do better, but looking after you child and getting the fiancee is that bit more important!

 

[gd]

I read Lee's, cause he's a boss, you know? Pretty entertaining stuff I must say. Adding and o to the end of words to make them sound Spanish is alwyas high comedt. You seemed like the man in your RP, which, considering you're the champ, is most definetly a positive. Didn't get most of the references at the end, but it all seemed pretty epic indeed.

 

[Lee]

Toyota If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. The RPs I like are ones that think outside the box (which you have done) and also actual characters. There are only so many Cocky heels characters that can happen, and this was refreshing. Getting the insight into who you are, what makes you tick etc is what is needed in your first RP. I remember saying to Payne once (who was struggling at the time) to have three things in your RP
1) Develop your character
2) Address what happened last week
3) Address your match this week

As this is your first RP obviously you can't go on history with matches but I very much like your character. Very unique.

 

[ABMorales787]

Tastycles/Garth Black: Sesame Street FTW! That was a great RP. I've never had more fun reading basic analogies. And the volcano analogy was also great.
****

ThrilledHer/Phoenix: I don't know. This one seemed pretty rushed. It was really short and all you really did was say the basic "I'll win, because" line. Not much going on.
*

Leafy/Hancock: You got the basics of an RP down. Talked about the match, your opponents and interacted with your partner. But, that was it. Not much structure to it. In a PPV RP you need to dish out your best and give as much structure as you can. Not much of the case here.
**

Baller/Mr. Baller: It was a pretty good RP. You interacted well with Baker, but why so many foul words? And no "dog" from Baker?
***

Doc/Max Karzai: Great one. You used your Shock Rocker gimmick quite well, by showing off scars and burns. You show you don't fear the cage. I'd just slap the fan, but you showed him up.
****

ZeroVX/Chris Jones: Yeah, multi-man matches can be a bitch to RP for, I know. However pointing out that you'll overlook opponents is a real no-no. It happened to me in Kingdom Come. I really can't say much here to help. Its quite a complex task.
***

 

[ZeroVX]

SuperCrazy: I liked this one a lot. It showed continuity between your promo and your partner's, it developed your character and established his background a bit, and it built up the importance of the match, especially for the defending champions. Plus, I really like the interactions between Karzai and Lights. Very well done.

Doug Crashin: There's one big problem with this RP and that's a severe lack of continuity. Not with your partner, but within the RP itself. You say that you don't know who you're facing, or what match type you're in, but as soon as you find out, you instantly know what people said about you? That makes no sense at all, and just seems like sloppy writing. Also, the comeback you had to my RP wasn't that great. Not impressed.

FalKon: This is an interesting concept. Sending someone to an insane asylum to prepare for the match is something that could prove to be useful. It just didn't make a lot of sense to me. How can Kurtsey read Crashin's mind? Why can't Crashin talk? The lack of explanation hurts this RP in my mind. Not bad, but it could've been a lot better.

 

[Viola Moonlight]

Chris Jones - This character of yours with impurity is very interesting and can get you places since you are using it correctly. You've definitely got your own gimmick down, which is a start. If you can't write as your character, you shouldn't even be writing at all. The use of description and movements adds to the characters effect, as well as his intensity. It's good to break dialogue with description.

One thing though, you have overlooked everyone but the champions. Sure, a quick insult via character gimmick is good, but only one shot throughout and passing them off isn't a good idea. There should have been more talking about the match, but considering you and your partner having troubles... I can see why this happened.

Hope you find your footing, you have a good character.

 

[gd]

I suppose I owe Killjoy a critique since he gave one to me. You normally aren't the funniest guy out there, but this wasn't that bad. At little over the top, but at least it made it memorable. I think you'll end up the winner of the match as yours was the better of the 2 promos in that thread.

 

[a0161613]

Vengeance: Not sure if coincidental but the attitude appeared to be quite selfish, by using Tarja to get what he wanted. Maybe due to split personality? Good promo though, focussed on Dave, nicely tied into the Showtime history but also clever mentions of Titus.

Baker: Good length and it has a structure to it. I’m not a big fan of long promos with no set up and description and this suffers both, as well as a very unoriginal and unimaginative setting. The words are fine but there is only so many interviews that can be done IMO.

I think you could have bigged up Baller a bit better and given Pheonix a bit more credit. I assume you are meant to be a face but that is not truly clear. It’s not bad but not my cup of tea I’m afraid.

Baller: Same styling problems as Baker, but it picked up and was generally more interesting to read. I like how you stuck to your gimmick when you gave your analogies in the promo. That worked a treat.

Jones: I cringe when I see the word interview in the first sentence. However it wasn’t awful. What was said was actually quite interesting and as this is the first RP I’ve seen of yours, it fills in quite a few gaps. Your general content is actually really good, but I would say the style needs more work.

Personally I find the use of interviews every week to be boring and unimaginative and you certainly have something which tells me you are better than that.

Hammond: Decent stuff; you told a good story and brought something new to the table which is never easy after a long feud. (Though I’d say the interview comments above apply to you as well, at least you tried to do something with it.)

Killjoy: First of all, big error in the first paragraph

He challenges Scott for a 3th and possibly final time

You need to read and reread your work. Even using a basic spellcheck would help as there are some bad spelling mistakes.

An interesting promo, I’m not totally sure I get the character but it’s weird that he seems to be quite charismatic, even though he seems to be a monster like Kane used to be.

 

[ABMorales787]

Toyota Wasabi/Disarray: Its a great promo. I find hard to understand if Wasabi is a comedy character or just a little goofy, but its still a great read. A good job. I would really like to see one on one simple character.

****

Rodney McClain/mrsavagelife: Whats with the plants? I didn't get it. You have a few grammar errors there too. Your banter about the other opponents was pretty generic. It seemed forced.

**

Gordito/DirtyJose: A terrific face promo. I can really get behind such a down to Earth guy. The scenery was greatly explained and the dialog was great as well.

****

Funnykay/Steven Holmes: It was a tad short but still very good. I like how you open the scene. It reminds me of a promo highlighting a debut character.

***