Punk 365 - Day 2 Editorial

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

Punk 365: A Wrestlezone Forums Special - Day 2​

A big thanks to FunKay, Coco, D-Man, Haiku Hogan and GSB. I'm really sorry to Replenished Artist and...I know I'm forgetting somebody else. But the length of the editorial was already substantial, and they were all decent submissions. I literally rolled a dice, and if you got screwed, you got screwed. Sorry...

There will be more of these, and if this is a showing for how well-received they will be in the future, that gets me excited and motivated to do more. Don't forget to vote, and check out Day 1 in the Editorial section on dot com if you haven't already. Again, sorry to those who probably feel like you wasted your time, and thank to ALL of you for taking the time to make this happen. You rock.

 

[Thriller Ant]

Eh, it was worth a try. Here's to next time.

 

[Mr. Artistic guy]

Bumblecakes. Maybe next time.

 

[JGlass]

Poor FunKay, he didn't even get a special title like all the others did.

Hard to say who had the best one. FunKay does a great job rolling everything up in a nice package, but I didn't feel the emotion that most of the others gave me. Haiku made a compelling argument, but he totally missed the assignment and seemed to have a strong anti-Punk bias. GSB did the same thing, but with a strong anti-Cena bias. That leaves us with Coco and D-Man. Coco's was more political, but also made a great point, but D-Man's was just ripe with, "this is what being a fan is all about" sentiment, and that's gotta warm your heart at least a little.

I'm not voting, but it should be between Coco and D-Man.

 

[Coco]

D-Man forgets what warm feels like. Part of being a geezer.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Poor FunKay, he didn't even get a special title like all the others did.

Hard to say who had the best one. FunKay does a great job rolling everything up in a nice package, but I didn't feel the emotion that most of the others gave me. Haiku made a compelling argument, but he totally missed the assignment and seemed to have a strong anti-Punk bias. GSB did the same thing, but with a strong anti-Cena bias. That leaves us with Coco and D-Man. Coco's was more political, but also made a great point, but D-Man's was just ripe with, "this is what being a fan is all about" sentiment, and that's gotta warm your heart at least a little.

I'm not voting, but it should be between Coco and D-Man.

I guess I need to explain what I was going for. It was late, my son had woken up and I was waiting to make sure I had put him back to sleep. I started to think about what is the first thing that comes to mind over the last year and the thoughts that jumped in to my head were Punk's heel turn on The Rock and the sobriety test with Teddy and Jericho.

Since the heel turn seemed too obvious I went with the sobriety test and decided to turn it in to a troll piece. The first 98% of the piece is supposed to be a parody of the "Punk cock sucking crap" I read on these forums all the time from the cluieless marks. The punch line is that as much as people revere Punk as some passionate in-ring artist the thing I remember most clearly from the last year was a juvenile (but funny) non-wrestling segment. The illusions of Cena were just meant to fool the reader and hopefully make the punch line get a bigger reaction.

Crap, did I do too good of a job copying the marks to the point that the punch line was missed on people? I'm the last person who gives a shit about things like passion, the Indy's, # of moves, and rebellion. I just want to be entertained.

 

[Con T.]

Poor FunKay, he didn't even get a special title like all the others did.

Hard to say who had the best one. FunKay does a great job rolling everything up in a nice package, but I didn't feel the emotion that most of the others gave me. Haiku made a compelling argument, but he totally missed the assignment and seemed to have a strong anti-Punk bias. GSB did the same thing, but with a strong anti-Cena bias. That leaves us with Coco and D-Man. Coco's was more political, but also made a great point, but D-Man's was just ripe with, "this is what being a fan is all about" sentiment, and that's gotta warm your heart at least a little.

I'm not voting, but it should be between Coco and D-Man.

I'll offer the same look into my sordid mind that GSB does.

I don't hate Punk, I don't even dislike Punk. I do like CM Punk. I like Punk a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.

I hate this idea that he's the best man to be champion. Because he's not. Cena's the best man to be champion. He's the best in the world. There's one thing Punk is better at than Cena is, and that's kissing the IWC's ass.

He's as good at kissing the IWC's ass as HBK was. I don't know if he's as good as Richard though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall! (Cue "woo" into the camera)

CM Punk is not the best man to be champion. John Cena is the best in the world.

He's been the best since day one when I walked he finally reached elite status. And he's been vilified and hated since that day because Vince McMahon saw great drawing power that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, he's a Vince McMahon guy. You know who else was a Vince McMahon guy? Hulk Hogan. And he's told you to fuck off, just like John Cena should tell you all to fuck off. But the biggest difference between John and Hulk is he's not going to end up a crippled, embarrassed, pedophile.

He's done everything that Punk hasn't (grabbed ratings, drew massive PPV buys consistently) and grabbed the IWC's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is Cena, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost ten years, he has proved to everyone in the world that he is the best in getting viewers to tune in, making people care about his matches to get them to the main event, getting people to buy tickets to the house show, providing main event matches that make you feel like you spent your money's worth, no one can touch him!

And yet no matter how many times he proves it, he still isn't lauded the same praise, he doesn't get fancy Wrestlezone columns sounding the sirens horn, he doesn't get Wade Keller and Bruce Johnson sucking on his cock, he gets stuck in stupid storylines with AJ, he has to try to carry main event matches with Johnny Ace, he doesn't even have a full year as champion.

And this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that you people think this is a great title reign makes me sick!

Oh, and don't get me wrong, you people are the biggest reason why I'm writing this. No, seriously you are.... I think I've made that effectively clear.
Moving on.

CM Punk is not leaving January 27th with the WWE Title, and hey, maybe he'll get butthurt and go to New Japan. Maybe he'll go to the unemployment line.

Hey Colt Cabana, how are you?

The reason I wrote my article is because of you people. Because even after I've written it and used supporting evidence, you’re still going to line up to say he was a great champion. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because CM Punk's champion.... Well, ok, maybe that's not why he isn't a billionaire, but it's one of the reason his main show is hemorhagging an audience, why buy rates for the average show is lowering, and why idiot fans don't seem to understand that a champion is measured by your ability to draw an audience, something CM Punk hasn't proven to have done.


You want a personal story about Vince McMahon? You know how his wife had that whole Senate campaign, and-

 

[Con T.]

Oh, and Coco voted for me, too. And god damn it, Coco would never try to rib on the Internet!

 

[Coco]

I don't think your piece was the best. I think it was the best that I didn't write.

 

[Con T.]

I don't think your piece was the best. I think it was the best that I didn't write.

But if yours was the best, why not just say it?

Of course, I'd do that.... If I wrote the best piece. Alas, you did.

 

[Coco]

I'm trying humility on for size.

I think I got it half right.

 

[Con T.]

I'm trying humility on for size.

I think I got it half right.

Ah, humility...
Humility's for cuckolds.
Don't be a cuckold.

 

[D-Man]

D-Man forgets what warm feels like. Part of being a geezer.

My pajamas are warm. So are my slippers.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

Six hours and not a single vote. Time to PM every member of the forum and tell them i am running for moderator and think it is really important they vote.

Anyway, it nice to be acknowledged on the internet for something other than being a red dot.

 

[Con T.]

Six hours and not a single vote. Time to PM every member of the forum and tell them i am running for moderator and think it is really important they vote.

Anyway, it nice to be acknowledged on the internet for something other than being a red dot.

Might I recommend
Posting pictures of your dong?
That should do the trick.

 

[D-Man]

Six hours and not a single vote. Time to PM every member of the forum and tell them i am running for moderator and think it is really important they vote.

Anyway, it nice to be acknowledged on the internet for something other than being a red dot.

Six hours and only TWO votes. And I'm a G-Mod. None of it matters.

Don't make the mistake by actually think that writing a better article gets you anywhere. Polls will never be anything more than popularity contests. Want more votes? Make more people laugh in the spam sections.

 

[Coco]

My pajamas are warm. So are my slippers.

You know that those things are warm, yes. But you don't really feel it. So you'll throw on another layer. And then another. Maybe a blanket or two. And warm up some milk.

Six hours and only TWO votes. And I'm a G-Mod. None of it matters.

Don't make the mistake by actually think that writing a better article gets you anywhere. Polls will never be anything more than popularity contests. Want more votes? Make more people laugh in the spam sections.

Your argument is valid.

But don't think for a second that my piece wasn't the best.

 

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

Haiku made a compelling argument, but he totally missed the assignment and seemed to have a strong anti-Punk bias. GSB did the same thing, but with a strong anti-Cena bias.

I don't think either of them really missed the assignment. It wasn't about being pro-Punk, it was about the best and the worst aspects of CM Punk's year long title reign. It's all a part of that.

Ah, humility...
Humility's for cuckolds.
Don't be a cuckold.

This is the best haiku ever written.

Six hours and not a single vote. Time to PM every member of the forum and tell them i am running for moderator and think it is really important they vote.

Anyway, it nice to be acknowledged on the internet for something other than being a red dot.

I really enjoyed what you wrote. And thanks for contributing!

Six hours and only TWO votes. And I'm a G-Mod. None of it matters.

Don't make the mistake by actually think that writing a better article gets you anywhere. Polls will never be anything more than popularity contests. Want more votes? Make more people laugh in the spam sections.

I voted for you, because I honestly thought it was the best of them. Your experience brings a great perspective, and it's something I've very, very jealous of. I consider myself fairly knowledgeable on wrestling, but without actually having lived it, you can only know so much. I'll never really understand what the Ultimate Challenge or Bodyslam heard round the world was like, and that's why I don't really enjoy those things all that much today. Much like in 20 years, I'll be able to say that was there when Punk beat Cena at Money in the Bank. And I was there when John Cena overcame Brock LEsnar at Extreme Rules in one of the worst beatdowns in wrestling history. And hopefully...hopefully I'll be able to experience WrestleMania next year. I don't have a lot of money, and it sucks that I end up missing so many great periods of history.

 

[Coco]

Don't be jealous. Think about how much closer to death he is.

Waxing on about the good old days seems to be even more effective than "making people laugh in the spam sections" (do people still laugh at me? good lord).

 

[Nate DaMac]

(do people still laugh at me? good lord).

(Don't be jealous. Think about how much closer to death he is.

Yep. We do.

 

[shattered dreams]

If you were Sonnet Sammartino then you might have got more votes.

 

[JGlass]

I decided to vote for FunKay since he didn't have any votes yet and I like him as more than just a friend. I like him as an internet friend.

I guess I need to explain what I was going for. It was late, my son had woken up and I was waiting to make sure I had put him back to sleep. I started to think about what is the first thing that comes to mind over the last year and the thoughts that jumped in to my head were Punk's heel turn on The Rock and the sobriety test with Teddy and Jericho.

Since the heel turn seemed too obvious I went with the sobriety test and decided to turn it in to a troll piece. The first 98% of the piece is supposed to be a parody of the "Punk cock sucking crap" I read on these forums all the time from the cluieless marks. The punch line is that as much as people revere Punk as some passionate in-ring artist the thing I remember most clearly from the last year was a juvenile (but funny) non-wrestling segment. The illusions of Cena were just meant to fool the reader and hopefully make the punch line get a bigger reaction.

Crap, did I do too good of a job copying the marks to the point that the punch line was missed on people? I'm the last person who gives a shit about things like passion, the Indy's, # of moves, and rebellion. I just want to be entertained.

You know, the whole thing didn't sit right with me when I read it, it just didn't sound like you at all. But I figured you're a guy that respects others' ideas and work and you wouldn't want to submit a farcical piece to Killam's project. That's not to say there's no place for satire in this project, but I didn't expect you to write it as much as I would have expected it from a fella like Sam or Sly. You just keep on surprising me, sir.

After a second readthrough it's pretty obvious what you were going for, but I can say with some certainty that anyone unfamiliar with your dynamite sense of humor will take you totally seriously.

I'll offer the same look into my sordid mind that GSB does.

I don't hate Punk, I don't even dislike Punk. I do like CM Punk. I like Punk a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.

I hate this idea that he's the best man to be champion. Because he's not. Cena's the best man to be champion. He's the best in the world. There's one thing Punk is better at than Cena is, and that's kissing the IWC's ass.

He's as good at kissing the IWC's ass as HBK was. I don't know if he's as good as Richard though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Whoops, I'm breaking the fourth wall! (Cue "woo" into the camera)

CM Punk is not the best man to be champion. John Cena is the best in the world.

He's been the best since day one when I walked he finally reached elite status. And he's been vilified and hated since that day because Vince McMahon saw great drawing power that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, he's a Vince McMahon guy. You know who else was a Vince McMahon guy? Hulk Hogan. And he's told you to fuck off, just like John Cena should tell you all to fuck off. But the biggest difference between John and Hulk is he's not going to end up a crippled, embarrassed, pedophile.

He's done everything that Punk hasn't (grabbed ratings, drew massive PPV buys consistently) and grabbed the IWC's imaginary brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is Cena, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost ten years, he has proved to everyone in the world that he is the best in getting viewers to tune in, making people care about his matches to get them to the main event, getting people to buy tickets to the house show, providing main event matches that make you feel like you spent your money's worth, no one can touch him!

And yet no matter how many times he proves it, he still isn't lauded the same praise, he doesn't get fancy Wrestlezone columns sounding the sirens horn, he doesn't get Wade Keller and Bruce Johnson sucking on his cock, he gets stuck in stupid storylines with AJ, he has to try to carry main event matches with Johnny Ace, he doesn't even have a full year as champion.

And this isn't sour grapes, but the fact that you people think this is a great title reign makes me sick!

Oh, and don't get me wrong, you people are the biggest reason why I'm writing this. No, seriously you are.... I think I've made that effectively clear.
Moving on.

CM Punk is not leaving January 27th with the WWE Title, and hey, maybe he'll get butthurt and go to New Japan. Maybe he'll go to the unemployment line.

Hey Colt Cabana, how are you?

The reason I wrote my article is because of you people. Because even after I've written it and used supporting evidence, you’re still going to line up to say he was a great champion. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because CM Punk's champion.... Well, ok, maybe that's not why he isn't a billionaire, but it's one of the reason his main show is hemorhagging an audience, why buy rates for the average show is lowering, and why idiot fans don't seem to understand that a champion is measured by your ability to draw an audience, something CM Punk hasn't proven to have done.


You want a personal story about Vince McMahon? You know how his wife had that whole Senate campaign, and-

Well played sir.

Don't get me wrong, I agreed with just about everything you said (heck, it's hard not to with all the evidence you produced), but you totally glossed over the single moment of Punk's reign part of the deal. It's like you wrote a great essay but didn't follow the assignment.

Like GSB's satire, there was definitely a need for this type of piece where you point out the shortcomings of Punk's reign, but you laid it on a little thick for my liking.

 

[Con T.]

Oh, I totally get that, and glossed over Killam's part about a defining moment. I just feel that when you look at a title run, one moment can barely, if ever, do it justice. Especially with this reign, which is really broken off into segments, all of which rarely interconnect, save for the overarching respect theme. If we judged title reigns by individual moments, I'd probably put Mankind and Goldberg on the top list of great champions, because the individual moments are great. When lumped with the greater sum of their work, it doesn't equate a great champion.


I think that all seems nonsensical. I'll just go with I fucked up

 

[D-Man]

I voted for you, because I honestly thought it was the best of them. Your experience brings a great perspective, and it's something I've very, very jealous of. I consider myself fairly knowledgeable on wrestling, but without actually having lived it, you can only know so much. I'll never really understand what the Ultimate Challenge or Bodyslam heard round the world was like, and that's why I don't really enjoy those things all that much today. Much like in 20 years, I'll be able to say that was there when Punk beat Cena at Money in the Bank. And I was there when John Cena overcame Brock LEsnar at Extreme Rules in one of the worst beatdowns in wrestling history. And hopefully...hopefully I'll be able to experience WrestleMania next year. I don't have a lot of money, and it sucks that I end up missing so many great periods of history.

Thanks, man.

Yes, I catch flack because there's a "3" in front of my age. But many seem to forget that while it's easy to sit back 20 years later and write a review about something you read on paper, there is nothing like being there and living it. I can make an argument that only a handful of Wrestlemania events over the past 20 years truly captured the emotion that compares to the main events of the first 9.

I know I come across as a cocky bore with a lot of things I write on here but that's because I've seen the perspective of professional wrestling from both an impartial, fan's standpoint and that of a smark's. Most of you grew up watching wrestling while always having insider information at your fingertips. You're all so judgmental because you read a bunch of internet stuff and think you know it all. But until you've lived as both a smark AND just a fan, you'll never really understand what wrestling is all about. At least I can offer up that perspective to all of you, even if you don't care to know about it.

 

[George Steele's Barber]

I decided to vote for FunKay since he didn't have any votes yet and I like him as more than just a friend. I like him as an internet friend.



You know, the whole thing didn't sit right with me when I read it, it just didn't sound like you at all. But I figured you're a guy that respects others' ideas and work and you wouldn't want to submit a farcical piece to Killam's project. That's not to say there's no place for satire in this project, but I didn't expect you to write it as much as I would have expected it from a fella like Sam or Sly. You just keep on surprising me, sir.

I do respect the idea. I just did something on a whim. Tried to be different and creative. In the end I knew it was up to Mike and maybe a couple of others on the main site and they could use it if they wanted.

However, I must confess that I did have dreams that Mark Madden would do a hate piece on it saying I was out of touch and had nothing creative to offer the IWC any longer.

After a second readthrough it's pretty obvious what you were going for, but I can say with some certainty that anyone unfamiliar with your dynamite sense of humor will take you totally seriously.

That's been my life story.