Movie Review Thread

[Mitch Henessey]

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

**SPOILERS**

As boredom sets in, Trish Jenner (Gina Philips) and Darry Jenner (Justin Long) come up with word games to add some excitement to their countryside road trip to visit their mother. As Darry drives Trish’s unreliable car, the siblings manage to pull a few laughs out of each other, but the fun stops, when a rusty old truck tries to run them off the road. As the driver of the rusty truck stops at an abandoned church a few miles up the road, Trish and Darry witness the mysterious figure dump two dead bodies wrapped in white sheets down a pipe leading into the ground. The figure spots Darry and Trish, and immediately pursues them in his truck. After a more aggressive attempt at trying to run Trish and Darry off the road, Darry drives through an open field for a quick escape.

Out of curiosity, and a foolish belief to do the right thing, Darry convinces Trish to return to the abandoned church, and inspect the contents beneath the pipe. Upon their arrival, Trish is scared by rats, and she accidentally drops Darry through the pipe after holding him up for a better view. In the caverns beneath the church, Darry finds one of the two victims. Darry discovers stitched wounds on the victim, and he dies shortly after Darry’s discovery. Darry finds an assortment of preserved dead bodies, stitched and hung up across the walls of the cavern. Horrified, Darry and Trish stop at a local diner to call the police for help.

After the diner, Trish and Darry are escorted by two cops in one car at night. The mysterious figure returns to murder the cops, but Trish and Darry escape to a reclusive old lady’s house. When the figure arrives, the old lady is more concerned with protecting her cats than helping Trish and Darry, or calling the police. During a struggle with a shotgun, the figure kills the old woman. Trish and Darry escape to the open road, where they learn the true identity of the figure: The Creeper (Jonathan Breck) is a winged demon, who survives by eating body parts from humans. Once The Creeper gets a likeable scent from fear, the creature will pursue his targets at all costs, with a determination to eat the desired body parts. At the diner, The Creeper was able to lock on to Darry’s scent by sniffing his dirty laundry. Angry and frustrated, Trish uses her car to run over The Creeper multiple times, seemingly killing the creature.

Trish and Darry await the arrival of their mother at a local police station in the next town, but the situation takes a bizarre turn, when Jezelle (Patricia Belcher), a local psychic, arrives to warn Trish and Darry. At the diner, Jezelle warned Darry with a phone call about the “Jeepers Creepers” song playing on the radio, because this song is a warning sign for The Creeper’s impending attack. According to Jezelle, the Jeepers Creepers song is currently playing on an old radio station. As Jezelle urges Trish and Darry to leave the police station for safety, the lights go out. Beaten, slightly deformed, and crippled, The Creeper has returned to eat the body parts from one victim. But who will The Creeper choose: Trish or Darry?

Gina Philips and Justin Long are believable in their roles, but Trish and Darry are two very stupid characters (more on that later). Patricia Belcher doesn’t show up until the very end, and she’s kind of annoying as the hysterical and panicked psychic. And Eileen Brennan is “The Cat Lady” Trish and Darry visit in the middle of the night for a chance to make a phone call. The character reminds me of The Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons, but you can’t properly critique Brennan’s performance, because her character is killed off a few minutes after her first and only appearance.

You won’t see The Creeper’s true identity until the very end. Jeepers Creepers takes the slow burn technique to revealing The Creeper’s true demon form, so throughout the movie you’re constantly guessing, and trying to figure out the mystery behind the unknown attacker. Is he a serial killer? A creepy stalker? An Alien? It’s hard to tell, because The Creeper’s wings don’t come out until Trish runs him over with the car towards the end. And The Creeper wears thick clothing with a long coat and a hat, so you can’t see anything. Well, you can see the grey hair sticking out the back of the hat, but that’s about it.

The finale has its flaws (more on that later), but I enjoy the sporadic moments of suspense. Most of the spooky stuff (i.e. The Creeper taunting Trish and Darry on a seemingly deserted open road at night, and The Creeper ominously standing in The Cat Lady’s yard at night, waiting to attack).

Jeepers Creepers features a few disgusting scenes of gore, and brutal violence. The Creeper using his teeth to rip the tongue out of a severed head is one example, and I can’t forget about The Creeper gnawing into a helpless prisoner, and tearing off a limb or two in the process.

BUT Trish and Darry are two very moronic characters. Here’s a list of their stupid mistakes in the movie, in chronological order (well, sort of):

-So Trish and Darry are going to visit their mother. They could’ve jumped on the freeway to save more time, and if something happened, they could’ve had a better chance to find help. But NO. Let’s take the deserted back roads through the country instead! It’ll take more time, and we’ll have to stop at a hole in the wall diner for help, while a murderer stalks us, but who cares! We get to look at a bunch of open fields with no livestock! Ugh.

-Darry’s more reliable car was an option, but instead, Trish and Darry agreed to take Trish’s piece of shit car? And yes, it’s a problem, because you’ll see a few “THE CAR WON’T START!” scenes, and the gears stick.

-Darry brings a cell phone, but the battery is dead. Seriously?

-The Creeper almost ran the siblings off the road TWICE, and the creature gave them a “don’t fuck with me” look, as Darry and Trish passed by the abandoned church. But Darry has to do the right thing, and he convinces Trish to return to the church to inspect the pipe? And on top of that, Darry has to stick himself in the pipe, and of course, Trish drops him into the underground hideout with mummified bodies.

-At night, Trish and Darry finally escape The Creeper. He’s miles away from them, and they have a good head start to the police station in the next county….but they decide to stop at The Cat Lady’s house. And guess what happens next? The Creeper catches up with them during the pit stop.

-At the church, instead of trying to help her brother out of the hole in the ground, Darry urges Trish to stand on the side of the road, and wait for help. Again, giving The Creeper more time track Darry and Trish.

-During the finale at the police station, Trish and Darry listen to and follow Jezelle without really knowing her. Jezelle leads them into a dangerous situation more than once, and Jezelle openly admits she’s not 100% confident in her predictions.

Jeepers Creepers is loaded with predictable horror clichés with the car not starting being the most annoying one. Plus, the warning signal for The Creeper’s arrival is beyond ridiculous. This movie gets its name from the actual song that’s titled “Jeepers Creepers.” The song is featured in the movie, and when it plays on any radio station, it means The Creeper is about to attack, or the creature is close by waiting for an attack. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds.

Jeepers Creepers is one those frustrating and stupid horror films that will bring a lot of facepalms out of you, while screaming “don’t do that!” or “don’t go in there!” But with all that said, I still love this movie. It’s dumb fun for me, and I always get a kick out of laughing at Darry and Trish’s stupid choices throughout the movie. For me, Jeepers Creepers is a guilty pleasure, but if you wanted to give this film a 0/10, one star, or an F for a rating, I wouldn’t fuss too much, or put up a big fight.

Rating: 5/10

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

I saw Star Trek: Into Darkness this weekend.

It was really good. It's sort of a coming of age tale, except not for teenagers like usual. But this time for a Star fleet captain and his Executive Officer. The whole movie really goes full circle regarding their relationship. As for the bad guy, Benedict Cumberbatch did a really good job. I don't recall them saying in the previews who the character he plays is. They only elude that he's Star fleet officer turned traitor. So, at least for me, it was a real surprise when you find out what his real story is. I also didn't spoil it by looking up character names (as I just realized it would have when I looked on imdb to get the name of the actor playing him). Would definitely recommend this movie to anyone.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)

**SPOILERS**

Following the events of Jeepers Creepers, Darry is dead, and presumably, Trish is still trying to comprehend the bizarre series of events in one night that changed her life forever.

One hot day, Jack Taggart, Sr. (Ray Wise) pushes his two sons, Jack, Jr. (Luke Edwards) and his youngest son, Billy (Shaun Fleming) to finish the day’s work on their farm. Jack struggles to fix the family truck, while Billy sets up a series of scarecrows. But when Billy notices one of the scarecrows moving in the cornfield, a routine day of work takes a turn for the worst. Posing as a scarecrow, The Creeper (Jonathan Beck) jumps off of his post, and chases Billy. With one swoop, The Creeper snatches Billy, drags him through the cornfield, and The Creeper flies away with Billy, as a helpless Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. watch in horror.

Meanwhile, a high school basketball team is driving down the countryside, when The Creeper Attacks. Using his sharp weapons made of teeth and bone, The Creeper targets the bus’ tires. The bus driver, Betty (Diane Delano) suspects something fishy during nightfall, but as she sets up the road flares, The Creeper quietly snatches her away. One by one, The Creeper kills every adult and authority figure on the bus (driver, coaches, etc.) until the kids are left by themselves, using the broken down bus for protection from The Creeper. Using his nose, The Creeper sniffs out his top choices by smelling the fear from the basketball players and cheerleaders. The Creeper quickly disposes of two locals, who offered a helping hand, killing them in their truck before they could reach the police station.

And to make matters worse, Scotty (Eric Nenninger) is still bitter about taking a backseat on the bench, while his team rival, Deaundre (Garikayi Mutambirwa) receives more minutes, and a bigger role on the team. Instead of working together to fight and survive The Creeper’s attacks, Scotty schemes to eliminate Deaundre and anyone, who gets in his way.

During The Creeper’s attacks, a cheerleader named Minxie (Nicki Aycox) has visions of The Creeper’s plans, and through a series of premonitions with a deceased Darry and Billy, Minxie learns the truth about The Creeper’s lifespan: every twenty-three years during springtime, The Creeper gets to eat for twenty-three days. On the twenty-third day, The Creeper will will automatically go into hibernation for another twenty-three years, preparing for another feast.

Upon hearing a distress call from the team’s equipment manager, Bucky (Billy Aaron Brown) on his illegal radio, Jack Sr. grabs Jack Jr., and together, they take a trip to the bus to help the teens, and get revenge for Billy’s death. Believing he’s finally found a way to kill The Creeper, Jack Sr. takes his homemade harpoon (using one of The Creeper’s handmade daggers as a spearhead) to the stranded bus.

But time is running out on both sides. It’s day twenty-three for the winged demon, so The Creeper only has a few hours before he goes into hibernation for twenty-three years, and in the meantime, The Creeper unleashes a relentless attack for his last meal before his cycle begins. Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. race to help the teens, before The Creepr can devour everyone.

Well, it’s not fair to critique the performances for the adults on the school bus, because they’re killed off in the early stages of the movie. Although, Diane Delano always brings a few chuckles out of me as the disgruntled and miserable bus driver, who’s stuck in a dead end job, and doesn’t give a shit about anything. Nicki Aycox is decent enough as Minxie, but the remaining cast of high schoolers are mediocre at best. Beck is still nasty, intimidating, and repulsive as The Creeper, and Ray Wise delivers the best performance, as the angry and fearless father with a score to settle.

You can call Jeepers Creepers a stupid horror film, and I wouldn’t bat an eye, but Jeepers Creepers DID have some spooky moments. Jeepers Creepers 2? Eh, not so much. The main thing that pisses me off about Jeepers Creepers 2 is, it felt like they were trying to turn the sequel into an action film. A lot of brutal deaths, gory kills, and chase scenes, but there’s no terror or suspense, and the creepy eeriness surrounding The Creeper just disappears in this film.

Plus, Jeepers Creepers 2 is very, very, very boring. The VAST majority of the movie is spent inside or around the school bus, and the entire cast of high school kids are constantly whining and bitching at each other the whole time. The jocks constantly tease and bully this one kid, who might be a homosexual, and a race feud erupts between the black kids and the white kids. Scotty’s hatred for Deaundre starts the feud, and the situation gets real heated, when Scotty tries to exile Deaundre and his friends from the bus. Things sort of pick up, when Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. show up, but it’s a case of too little, too late.

The Creeper can fly. We get it. In Jeepers Creepers, The Creeper barely used his wings, and we didn’t actually see him fly until the very end of the movie. But in Jeepers Creepers 2, they just abused the novelty of The Creeper’s wings. “OH MY GOD HE CAN FLY!” Yeah, they really tried to tack on a “wow factor” to The Creeper’s aerial abilities with constant and never ending shots of The Creature hovering in the air, swopping around, shadows of The Creeper hovering over his victims, and awestruck reactions from the cast, as The Creeper is flying. Problem is, once you see The Creeper constantly use his wings throughout the movie, watching him fly isn’t something to marvel at anymore. It just becomes a normal routine.

Darry and Trish were dumb asses, but they were entertaining dumb asses (and better actors). The high school kids are just annoying as shit in this movie, and the obvious stereotypes of your typical high school crew in a horror movie just made everything worse. Of course, you have the jocks, homophobic jocks, the nerd (Bucky), and hot cheerleaders. Bucky is constantly picked on and bullied in part two, and the hazing stuff surrounding his character is so damn tedious.

For some asinine reason, they resurrected the “psychic, who’s unsure and not 100% confident in her premonitions” dynamic. Minxie is warned about The Creeper through visions of a dead Billy and Darry, and she tries to use her knowledge to help everyone on the bus……but wait. Minxie doesn’t want you to trust her, because she isn’t sure about her dreams. But wait a minute, on second thought, Minxie wants you to trust her, because she knows everything there is to know about The Creeper. No scratch that, Minxie is just having bizarre dreams, and you shouldn’t listen to her advice for life threatening situations. They constantly bounce back and forth in SO many directions with the Minxie character. In Jeepers Creepers, Jezelle was tolerable, because you don’t actually see her until the very end, but you have to suffer through Minxie’s indecisive melodrama bullshit for over an hour. It’s too much.

Too many sub-plots are another big problem for Jeepers Creepers 2. Here’s the list:

-Taunting and teasing the temmate, who might or might not be gay.

-Scotty hates Deaundre for stealing his spotlight, and not producing.

-Scotty has a problem with his presumably gay teammate.

-Scotty turns into a racist, and tries to systematically elmiante all the black people.

-Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. are trying to get revenge for Billy’s death.

-Jack Sr. and Jack Jr. are trying to save the kids.

And they just had to throw in the very predictable “I’m going to be the bigger man” moment, when Deaundre tries to save Scotty from The Creeper.

The Creeper uses more weapons this time around, and it’s cool to see a cameo from Justin Long. The gore is more brutal and disgusting here, and you get to see what happens, when The Creeper needs to eat a head, but still. Jeepers Creepers 2 is a frightless and tedious bore with no real jump scares or tension. It’s a damn shame, because Jeepers Creepers 2 has an excellent and promising intro that’ll get your hopes up for a good sequel, but everything goes downhill after the beginning, EVERYTHING.

Rating: 1/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Iceman (2013)

**SPOILERS**

When mafia boss Roy DeMeo (Ray Liotta) shuts down his porn dubbing business, Richard Kuklinski (Michael Shannon) loses his only job. But Roy decides to give Richard another chance with one test: Richard must murder a helpless homeless man in broad daylight. Richard uses Roy’s gun to prove himself, and shortly after the murder, Roy gives Richard a job as his personal hitman.

During his ruthless killing sprees, Kuklinski makes more than enough money to provide a comfortable life for his wife, Deborah (Winona Ryder) and his two daughters. But when Josh Rosenthal (David Schwimmer), one of Roy’s idiotic friends, double crosses two Cuban drug dealers by killing them, keeping the money, and stealing the cocaine, Roy orders Richard to lay low until the heat dies down. And Richard allowing a young girl, who witnessed one of his murders to go free (Kuklinski refuses to kill women and children) puts a strain and Richard’s business relationship with Roy. With pressure from Deborah, and a lack of money, Richard teams up with another hitman, who uses his job as an ice cream man for cover. Robert Pronge or “Mr. Freezy” (Chris Evans) puts Richard back in the game as free agent for different mafia families, going against Roy’s orders. Also, Mr. Freezy teaches Kuklinski the technique of freezing dead bodies to throw off the cops and detectives.

One of Mr. Freezy’s jobs involves murdering one of Roy’s trusted men at a night club, with plans to eventually kill Roy in the future. The lure of a big payday from mob boss Leo Marks (Robert Davi) convinces Richard to take the job, using a spray filled with cyanide to kill Roy’s associate by covering it up with a harmless sneeze. But Richard is spotted by an acquaintance at the club, and shortly after the hit, Richard is tied to the murder. Furious, Leo calls off the hit on Roy, and he refuses to pay Richard for the job, so Richard snaps, and kills Leo.

Richard receives a stern warning from Roy with Roy promising to go after Richard’s family if necessary, and Mr. Freezy urges Richard to lay low, but Richard kills him instead after he suspects Mr. Freezy gave away his home location to Roy and his enemies. Richard tries to do one last job to make enough money, and move his family away from the crossfire, but unbeknownst to Richard, the FBI is setting up a sting operation to put him behind bars for life.

Solid supporting cast all around with Ray Liotta, Winona Ryder, Robert Davi, and Chris Evans providing the most noteworthy performances. And James Franco has a cameo here as a sleazy and despicable pornographer. Franco only has one scene, because Kuklinski takes him out after his first and only appearance.

But make no mistake about it, Michael Shannon is the star here. Shannon’s ruthlessness, his rage, and cold-hearted demeanor embodied the sadistic reputation of Richard Kuklinski. Although, Shannon could also showcase a more vulnerable and caring side, as a devoted husband and loving father. His performance is Oscar worthy, and he really carries this film on his back most of the time.

All in all, The Iceman is a bloody and brutal docudrama/crime drama. It feels too ordinary at times, and considering the source material, you would expect something more extraordinary or masterful. And I can guarantee you, even if you’re not familiar with Richard Kuklinski, you’ll be able to see the “botched one last job before I get out of the life, followed by a dramatic arrest from a large group of cops, and court appearance before I receive a life sentence” ending coming from a mile away. Plus, Ariel Vromen’s bland style of directing didn’t help anything. Still, with most of (if not all of) the credit going to Michael Shannon, The Iceman is a very good movie. Not great, but very good.

Rating: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Last Stand (2013)

**SPOILERS**

After an elaborate escape from FBI custody, international drug lord Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) makes a run for the small town of Sommerton Junction, Arizona with FBI agent Ellen Richards (Genesis Rodriguez) as his hostage. With the help of his lead henchman, Thomas (Peter Stormare) and his team of mercenaries, Cortez plans to use land space in Sommerton to build a secret bridge leading into Mexico.

After suspecting something fishy from Thomas and another one of Cortez’s men at the local diner, the town Sheriff Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger) orders his deputies to run a search on Thomas’ license plates. Deputy Jerry Bailey (Zach Gilford ) and Deputy Sarah Torrance (Jaimie Alexander) investigate the farm of a cranky old local, which also happens to be the building site for Cortez’s bridge, and the deputies find the dead body of the old man with a nasty gunshot wound to the head. Jerry is fatally wounded during a firefight with Thomas and his men, and Sheriff Owens vows to avenge Jerry’s death.

Refusing the orders of FBI agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker), Sheriff Owens assembles his own team of deputies to take down Cortez, and foil Cortez’s attempted escape. With the help of Sarah and Deputy Mike Figuerola (Luis Guzman), Sheriff Owens deputizes the local gun nut, Lewis Dinkum (Johnny Knoxville), and Sarah’s jailed ex-boyfriend and Jerry’s best friend, Frank Martinez (Rodrigo Santoro). Out-numbered and out-classed in weaponry, Sheriff Owens will lead his team in the fight of their lives to stop Cortez, and honor Jerry’s memory.

I think it’s safe to say Arnold’s mystique as the “Action God” is gone. He’s not the same guy, who covered himself in mud, and fought the Predator. He’s not the same guy, who terrorized Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese, and he’s not the same guy, who challenged Benedict in Last Action Hero. Yeah, I thought The Last Stand did a good job of presenting Arnold as the aging and scrappy veteran, who won’t go down without a fight. Arnold really embraced the role, he was good for a few laughs, and the usual cheesy one-liners fit him like a glove (“I’m the Sheriff!” or “you fucked up my day off&#8216. But Arnold is not a believable bad ass anymore. Hell, I don’t even think it’s realistic to expect Terminator 3 Arnold now a days.

Unfortunately, Noriega’s character and perfromance fits into the mold of the usual “foreign bad guy with a thick accent" character (you can say the same thing about Peter Stormare), and Rodriguez is just eye candy as usual. A trio of decent performances from Forest Whitaker, Jaimie Alexander, Rodrigo Santoro, and you can give the credit for some great comic relief to Johnny Knoxville and Luis Guzman.

The Last Stand is good mindless fun for action junkies. Lots of impressive, jaw-dropping stunts, Arnold’s cheesy one-liners, bloody hardcore action, and the final one on one showdown between Owens and Cortez is predictable, but it’s still enjoyable. In more ways than one, Arnold isn’t the indestructible action machine anymore (and the box office flop for this movie proves that), but adjusting to the “old warhorse with something to prove” character isn‘t a big problem for me, and his cameos in The Expendables still bring out some good feelings of nostalgia.

Rating: 6/10

 

[i'm a cm punk girl]

Identity Thief

This was really good. Much better than I expected. Melissa McCarthy deserves all the praise People give her and Jason Bateman was Funny also. They were great together.

Fast 6

Very impressed w/ the movie(just as good as fast 5)! loved it from start to finish.. ending made me very happy!

Gangster Squad

Guns, Love, and azz kicking always a good combo for a action flick. passed it up a few times glad i finally checked it out great cast( Especially Gosling).

LOL

Pretty good. Not great, but not terrible either so...2.5/5

 

[LSN80]

Pain & Gain (2013)

Mitch already did a nice job of summarizing the plot, so I'll stick with analysis.

Well, the main cast of characters are supposed to be meatheads, but The Rock delivers the most entertaining performance for my money. Paul is really the only guy, who steps out of the “tough guy” zone, and Johnson shows a goofy, sensitive side. During the cocaine addiction, Rock turns into a paranoid emotional trainwreck, and he brought a few laughs out of me, as the religious loony. Wahlberg is believable as an obsessive jock, but Anthony Mackie’s character annoyed me. Not because of his performance, but a lame running gag about ED is attached to Mackie’s character, and it’s not funny after the first three or four penis jokes. Shalhoub oozes sleaziness, Ed Harris is always a perfect fit for the old veteran, and Bar Paly is just eye candy. I mean, technically Paly has a character, as the ditzy airhead, but she can’t act. Rebel Wilson has found a niche, as a subtle and shrewd chunky woman, and next to Rock, she gets my pick for the second most entertaining performance. Also, I’m pretty sure I spotted Kurt Angle during a prison fight in one of Paul’s flashbacks.

The bold is where I find the biggest problem with the movie. Who are we supposed to like here? Outside of The Rock's character, who showed not only remorse but was humorous as heck, no one else came across as likeable. The "victim", played by Tony Shaloub, is a scumbag who's incredibly unlikeable. Wahlberg's Lugo, drifts into that territory 30 minutes in when he tortures then orders the killing of Shaloub's character, all in order to gain access to Shaloub's money, and his house. Mackie's character isn't much better, as his motivation and justification for not only robbing and eventually killing others is to buy a house for he and Rebel Wilson, but for expensive ED treatments as well.

Michael Bay’s high octane and clumsy directing style might give you a seizure or a really bad headache after you’re done with one of his movies. I guess you can give Bay some credit for toning it down on the explosions (unless I’m missing something, I only counted one), but as usual, there’s nothing truly memorable about Bay’s work behind the camera here. More violence and blood than your usual Bay flick, but it’s nothing too extreme. It’s nothing that’ll make you squirm, or say “wow! Bay is trying to do something different!” No. And Bay’s constant use of slow motion is kind of annoying.

I'm not sure Bay himself knew what kind of movie he was trying to make here. Based on a true story, there's honestly little funny about what happened here. Both Wahlberg and Mackie's characters are currently on death row, yet he consistently went back to tired jokes in order to try and make the movie funny. Although it was likely the best performance of The Rock's acting career, there was nothing humorous about him running over Shaloub's face, failing to kill him, yet that's what they went for here.

Speaking of the Rock, he truly nailed the character here. More then not, I'm not a fan of his acting, yet I'll give him his due: He was utterly believable as the reformed Christian that wanted to do the right thing, but his addiction to cocaine reared its ugly head after the pastor at the church he was working at tried to 'take advantage' of him sexually. But other then he, who was the protagonist of the film? Not Shaloub, who was a criminal, and not Mackie or Wahlberg, both of who were willing to throw away all semblance of values or morals in search of a payday. Perhaps if they weren't completely narcissistic, rather, opportunistic, but they were driven by a lust for power and money. They justified it that they were stealing from a criminal, and as big of a prick as Shaloub was, they were far worse.

Pain & Gain wants to be an in-your-face black comedy, and a colorful from rags to riches story, but I was ready to leave after twenty minutes.

Well,, I don't know about this. If it wants to be a from rags to riches story, why not alter it and make it so they got away? It could be based loosely on a true story, still, with the typical Hollywood embellishments. I did find the movie to be entertaining, even knowing how the story played out, and a big part of that was the Rock. He was superb as a cokehead with a soul here. The problem with the movie, I found, is that it wanted to portray Lugo, Mackie, and Rock(which he kind of was) as protagonists, but they did vile things, far worse then the criminals they stole from and ultimately killed.

I did find the movie humorous, mainly in Wahlberg's stupidity, such as moving into the house of the man he stole it from, Rock's cocaine tripping, and Shaloub's utter arrogance that turned everyone off, including the police. Ultimately, the movie fails for me because it neglects to truly identify a sympathetic protagonist. Ed Harris isn't bad here, but he stays firmly on the periphery, not enough to establish himself as vital.

At the end, despite the serious nature of the film, there were enough laughs to make this a popcorn flick. It's a one-time viewing, so I won't be purchasing it, but it's not an utter failure here. 4/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Well,, I don't know about this. If it wants to be a from rags to riches story, why not alter it and make it so they got away?

Another conundrum created by the black comedy approach. Wahlberg, Mackie, and Rock achieved the pinnacle of success (or you can say they achieved the illustrious American Dream) by ripping off, torturing, and eventually killing other people. They had to answer for their crimes at some point. Once Rock's character started grilling hands outside, you knew the hammer was coming down, and it was coming down soon.

Technically, you were suppose to root for three average Joes, who just wanted to make it. Pain & Gain constantly slides on this slippery slope, because it's kind of hard to draw the line between rooting for the protagonists, when you know you the details of the real life story, and showing the mugshots of the "real people" during the credits didn't help anything. As you said, they were despicable human beings with Rock being the only one, who showed remorse for his crimes.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Insidious (2011)

**SPOILERS**

When her oldest son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins) slips into a mysterious coma for three months, Renai Lambert (Rose Byrne) urges her husband, Josh (Patrick Wilson) to seek help outside of the medicinal circle. After experiencing a series of bizarre paranormal events at home, Renai pushes Josh to move out of their new house. But the evil presence follows the Lamberts, and Josh’s mother, Lorraine (Barbara Hershey) suspects the malevolent entities are targeting Dalton’s unconscious body.

With help from a family friend and experienced paranormal investigator named Elise (Lin Shaye), the Lamberts learn the truth about Dalton’s coma: unknowingly, Dalton used his ability of astral projection to wander into a dimension called The Further during his dreams. But Dalton wandered too far, and his spirit is being held captive by an evil demon in The Further. So it’s not the house (or houses) that’s haunted, Dalton is attracting the evil spirits and the one demon.

Dalton inherited his astral projection abilities from his father, and Elise helping the Lamberts is no coincidence. Lorraine (Barbara Hershey) explains Josh’s troubled childhood visions of a ghostly old woman in a wedding dress, who popped up in photos with Josh, inching closer to him after each picture. Lorraine went to Elise for help, so she could save Josh’s spirit.

As the evil demon prepares to take full control of Dalton’s body, Elise comes up with one final solution to save Dalton before it’s too late: Josh must use his astral projection abilities to travel to The Further to rescue Dalton from the demon, and any other spirits, who will try to possess his body.

Saw is a popular choice, but Insidious is my favorite horror film directed by James Wan. The well-placed and ear-splitting scores help, but Wan creates the perfect eerie and spooky atmosphere for Insidious. The jump scares are genuinely surprising, and unlike most mainstream PG-13 horror films, you won’t see them coming from a mile away, and they’re not easy to telegraph.

I love Insidious, but the third act still bothers me. Insidious does a great job of building the suspense to the finale…..and then you actually see the finale. I’m sorry, but the other-worldly garbage in this film just pisses me off. Insidious turns into to some sort of kooky and bizarre ghost film (reminds me of that AWFUL remake for The Fog) during Josh’s rescue mission, and the demon’s borderline cartoonish lair didn’t help anything. The third act feels out of place, it kills all the momentum, and truth be told, the third act almost ruins the movie for me.

Still, for the most part, Insidious is a spine-tingling horror film with a chilling haunting story, excellent tension, and a very solid cast. I still despise the third act, but when Josh returns to the real world, Insidious leaves you wanting more with a great cliffhanger. Usually, I’m skeptical about horror sequels, but James Wan is returning to direct Insidious Chapter II, so I have hopes for the next Insidious film.

Rating: 9/10

 

[Slice]

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

I saw this movie like three years ago, but was reminded about it by this thread. It was pretty good; the premise is that a film crew is making a documentary about a serial killer. It sounds weird but they work it out pretty well; for the first few minutes you're trying to figure out wtf is going on and if it's supposed to be real or not.

Obviously it's just a movie, but they act decently and the premise goes pretty far. It's humor combined with action and horror, the first half leaning heavily on the comedy and the horror slowly seeping in.

I recommend this if you're looking for something interesting to watch, and approach it with a sense of "oh this should be fun".

7.5/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Maximum Overdrive (1986)

**SPOILERS**

Earth is caught in the tail end of rogue comet Rhea-M, and machines suddenly come to life, and turn on their owners and makers by killing them. In Wilmington, North Carolina, those lucky enough to survive the attacks, barricade themselves inside the Dixie Boy truck stop.

Bubba Hendershot (Pat Hingle) is the ruthless and slimy boss at the Dixie Boy, who forces his newest employee and cook, Bill (Emilio Estevez), a recent parolee, to work hours off the clock to save money. And if Bill doesn’t comply with Hendershot’s secret policy for all parolees, Hendershot will do everything in his power to make Bill’s life a living hell. Deke (Holter Graham) arrives late at night for safety inside the Dixie Boy, but upon arrival, he learns about the death of his father, Duncan (J. C. Quinn), a Dixie Stop employee, who was killed earlier in the day by a speeding truck.

With help from his feisty new girlfriend and hitchhiker, Brett (Laura Harrington), Deke, the newlywed Curtis (John Short), a few of the truck drivers, customers, and Dixie Stop employees, Bill plans to fight the machines, and find a safe escape route for the remaining survivors. But temper tantrums from the lone waitress, Wanda (Ellen McElduff) cause some trouble. Connie (Yeardley Smith), Curtis’ new wife, doesn’t like the idea of her husband risking his life to fight the machines, and Bill will have to find a way to seize control of the weapons in Hendershot’s secret and illegal underground armory.

The big rigs form a continuous circle around the entrance to the Dixie Boy, blocking the survivors inside with the promise to run over anything that steps foot outside. The sleazy and perverted Bible salesmen, who gave Brett a ride is stuck in a muddy ditch after one of the trucks backed into him. Loman (Christopher Murney) screams for help in the ditch, until Curtis and Bill attempt a rescue mission. To further complicate the sticky situation, with a bulldozer for protection, a military vehicle armed with an M60 machine gun arrives one morning to make demands for the machines using morse code. Exhausted and beaten, Bill and the other survivors must help refuel the long line of vehicles outside the Dixie Boy.

Taking one last chance at an escape, Bill and the other survivors sneak out through a drainage pipe beneath the Dixie Boy one night, and head to the local marina to find a boat, and sail away from the chaos. But on their way to the marina, the survivors are followed by Handy’s (Frankie Faison) persistent truck with glowing red eyes in the middle of a custom-made Green Goblin face mounted on the grill.

Emilio Estevez was nominated for a Worst Actor Razzie, but I still enjoy his performance. Using the satire approach, Estevez plays the cocky rebel with a thick southern accent, and Laura Harrington’s Brett is a perfect match for the Bill character. Harrington is sassy and fearless, and the switchblade is a nice touch for her character. Hendershot might remind you of a slimy used car salesman, and Hingle is hilarious, when Hendershot decides to pick up the rocket launcher, and blow up anything in his path. And Joey (portrayed by Patrick Miller) is a nice fit for Hendershot’s most loyal employee and bumbling lackey, who lights Hendershot’s cigars with a simple demand.

I don’t think you’ll have any middle ground with Connie and Wanda. They’ll either annoy the shit out of you, or make you laugh throughout the whole movie, but I enjoy Yeardley Smith (“Curtis, don’t make me a widow on my wedding day!&#8221 and Ellen McDuffie (“WE MADE YOU!&#8221. Oh, and for those of you, who don’t know, Yeardley Smith is the voice of Lisa Simpson. Although, it’s kind of hard to pick up on any similarities to Lisa, because Smith has a thick southern accent here.

Stephen King is the director, he came up with the short story (Trucks) this film is based on, and he has a brief cameo at the beginning (he’s the guy at the ATM, who almost throws a fit, when the ATM calls him an “asshole,” and the machine refuses to dispense cash). King’s directing style is a big target for a lot of the hateful criticisms directed towards Maximum Overdrive, and along with Emilio Estevez, King received a Razzie nomination for Worst Director. Well, truth be told, King has admitted he was “coked out of his mind” while directing Maximum Overdrive. But I don’t have a big problem with King’s directing. His style is bland and basic, but I wouldn’t call King’s work behind the camera clumsy or unfocused. Bottom line, the complaints are overexaggerated, and I’ve never been able to understand the big outrage behind King’s directing for this film.

The AC/DC soundtrack is a perfect match for Maximum Overdrive. Every song just works, and more importantly, AC/DC’s music fits within the context of the entire movie. A great “fight or die” soundtrack for survivors going up against a seemingly unstoppable enemy during an apocalyptic calamity. Good stuff.

Maximum Overdrive is a cheesy, over the top, and VERY campy horror comedy with the right amount of blood and gore. Not too extreme or nasty, just right. It’s mindless fun, and if you try and take this one too seriously, chances are you’ll hate Maximum Overdrive with a burning passion. Soda cans from a vending machine are used as projectiles to kill a baseball coach, trucks, that drive themselves are lethal weapons, and a drive-through menu tries to warn the other machines, as the survivors from the Dixie Boy hide for safety. Maximum Overdrive is suppose to be silly and over the top with a cast full of colorful comedy characters.

It’s not in my top ten of Stephen King film adaptations, but Maximum Overdrive ranks high on my list of favorite horror comedies, easily. It’s one of the few horror comedies I can watch over and over again without getting tired of it, and since I bought the DVD a while ago, I watch it at least once a month.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Cloverfield (2008)

**SPOILERS**

In New York City, Rob (Michael Stahl-David) is preparing to take a new job in Japan, so his brother, Jason (Mike Vogel) and Jason’s girlfriend, Lily (Jessica Lucas) decide to throw him a surprise going-away party. Rob’s best friend, Hud (T.J. Miller) is the camera man, who films everything, including good-bye speeches from all of Rob’s friends.

But the party takes an awkward turn, when Rob’s longtime friend, Beth (Odette Yustman) shows up with another guy named Travis (Ben Feldman). In the hallway outside of his apartment, Rob and Beth exchange some harsh words in a heated argument. Recently, Rob and Beth had a one-night stand, and to Rob’s disappointment, Beth didn’t have any plans to take their relationship to the next level afterwards. Furious, Rob wishes Travis “good luck,” as he leaves the party with an angry and embarrassed Beth.

After Rob’s blowup with Beth, a series of random explosions and thunderous roars end the party. Rob, Jason, Lily, Hud, and a mutual friend named Marlena (Lizzy Caplan) run outside to join the crowd of panicked New Yorkers. Suddenly, the head from the Statue Of Liberty rolls down the street, and eventually, Rob, Jason, Lily, Hud, and Marlena learn the shocking truth: a giant monster is wreaking havoc in New York City, destroying everything in its path.

As they try to escape on the Brooklyn Bridge, the monster attacks, destroying the bridge, and killing Jason in the process. Rob receives a voice mail from Beth, pleading with him to come to her apartment, and rescue her before the monster returns. Using guilt and the possibility of one last chance to tell Beth how he truly feels as motivation, Rob leads, Lily, Hud, and Marlena through New York and the monster’s path of destruction to find and save Beth before it’s too late.

T.J. Miller provides some much needed comic relief in Cloverfield. Hud is responsible for 90% of the humor in Cloverfield (you could give the other ten to Lizzy Caplan. Marlena’s argument with Hud in the subway about Superman and Garfield is hilarious), and Miller gives you a break from the constant “OH MY GOD!” or “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THE MONSTER!” hysteria from the rest of the cast. No real complaints about performance quality from this cast, because I can’t think of anyone, who was noticeably bad, or someone that “dropped the ball” so to speak.

Most found-footage films abuse the shaky cam crap, and unfortunately, Cloverfield is no different. The nauseating and convulsive shaky cam style is annoying, BUT Matt Reeves (the director) deserves some credit for not showing too much in Cloverfield. Yeah, you’ll see a full view of the mini monsters (the big monster releases little monsters from its body to help destroy New York City) before the end, but you don’t actually see full close-ups of the big monster until the very end. The conserved approach keeps you guessing throughout the whole movie. What is this thing? What does it look like? How big is it? Depending on what scares you and what doesn’t scare you, the final close-up reveals for the monster might shock, or disappoint you. Either way, you’ll want to stick around until the end, because with all the teasing, you’ll reach a point where you have to see what the monster looks like.

One of the main reasons why I still have a strange obsession with Cloverfield is, because ’til this day, I can still vividly remember the marketing campaign. It was so mysterious and vague, but I couldn’t fight the urge. I HAD to see this movie. The trailers and TV spots barley showed anything, but the little they did show was enough to hook me in (explosions, firefights with the military, the head from the Statue Of Liberty rolling down the street, etc.). And like a week before the movie hit, they started a countdown with the TV spots, and they added the words “we fight back” on the release date for the movie. You were lead to believe you were going to see an action packed and epic found-footage film, that showed mankind’s last stand against some evil and unstoppable force. To add to all of this, in the preliminary stages, they marketed Cloverfield as 1-18-08 (the release date). It felt like a big event, and you knew you just had to be in a theater to watch Cloverfield on this date.

Although, when it comes to Cloverfield’s marketing campaign, it’s kind of a double-edged sword. They did a wonderful job of hyping up the movie and the mystery behind Cloverfield to the point, where you had to see it no matter what. But the trailers and TV spots were VERY misleading. Yeah, the military fights, and drops bombs on the monster with “Operation Hammer Down” at the end, but that’s the problem. The leading cast isn’t fighting the monster, the military is. And on top of that, the “fighting the monster to save New York and the world” storyline is just used as a backdrop for the main story: Rob, Lily, Hud, and Marlena are risking their lives to rescue Beth, and save her before the monster returns. Don’t be fooled. Rob going after Beth, and falling in love with her again towards the end is the main story. Fighting the monster takes a backseat as a sub-plot. The camera constantly malfunctioning throughout the movie, and showing flashbacks of Rob and Beth together is a prime example of this.

And speaking of Rob, character wise, he’s a real bitch. He risks the lives of his friends to save Beth, and of course, Marlena is attacked and bitten by one of the mini monsters in the subway. When they finally make it to a military checkpoint, Marlena succumbs to the venom from the monster, and to avoid an outbreak of the infection, the soldiers have to kill her on the spot. AND when Lily, Hud, and Rob go outside, Hud starts crying over Marlena’s death. Long story short, Hud had a crush on Marlena, and they actually started to develop a bond before and after the bite. Anyway, like a dick, Rob rushes Lily and Hud, as Hud continues to sob, refusing to give Hud a brief moment to grieve, because you know, “WE HAVE TO SAVE BETH AND TIME IS RUNNING OUT!” So Rob, Lily, Hud, and a wounded Beth make it to the last set of helicopters leaving New York. Lily gets into one, and flies off. Rob, Hud, and Beth get into another helicopter, but the monster swats it to the ground. And guess what? The monster kills Hud on the ground.

None of this would’ve happened, if Rob didn’t decide to risk the lives of his friends to save Beth, and for me, Rob is easily the most unlikeable character in this movie. Yeah, I know. For those of you that watched Cloverfield, Rob gave his friends a choice to go with the military, so Rob could rescue Beth by himself, or come with him to rescue Beth, but come on now. Rob already knew the answers before he asked the questions. Lily is your brother’s girlfriend, Marlena is a real friend, and Hud is your best friend. Real friends wouldn’t let one of their own walk through a ravaged city with a monster running around alone.

Some of the deaths are unreal in Cloverfield. When the soldiers kill Marlena, they drag her into this room with a curtain. Behind the curtain, they show the silhouette of Marlena being put into position by soldiers and doctors, and then, in the blink of an eye, a splatter of blood splashes against the curtain, as Hud cuts away with the camera. The other is Jason’s death on the Brooklyn Bridge. He’s standing over the crowd trying to get Rob’s attention from the other side. The monster attacks, and out of nowhere, a huge hunk of the bridge falls, and crushes him instantly. A handful of jaw-dropping moments in Cloverfield, but those two stand out amongst everything else.

So with all my complaining and nitpicking, I still enjoy Cloverfield. It’s an intense and shocking found-footage monster movie with a few crafty action sequences. It doesn’t matter how many times I watch it, the beginning to Cloverfield hooks me in, and after that, I have to stick around until the end.

Oh, and a little extra tidbit. Pay close attention to the final home movie with Rob and Beth on the Ferris wheel at the end. Look in the background at the ocean, and you can see the monster falling from the sky, and dropping into the water. It happens quick, and it’s kind of small (because the view of the background is out of focus), but if you look real close, you can see how the monster came to Earth, and eventually New York City. I’ve probably seen this movie six times or more, and I just caught it on my most recent viewing.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) (2010)

**SPOILERS**

In Germany, the sadistic and obsessive Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser) plans to make a human centipede using three kidnapped victims. Dr. Heiter is a retired and famous surgeon known for specializing in the separation of Siamese twins, but Dr. Heiter wants to take another shot at putting a centipede together.

After a failed experiment using three dogs, Dr. Heiter turns to humans. Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) are two American tourists, looking for a nightclub named Bunker, but a flat tire strands them in a desolate forest near Dr. Heiter’s secluded house. Noticing the lights in Dr. Heiter’s house, Lindsay and Jenny decide to come in with hopes of making a phone call. But Dr. Heiter poisons their water, and in a matter of moments, Jenny is out cold, and Dr. Heiter uses more sedatives in a syringe to knock out Lindsay, who refused to drink all of her water.

Dr. Heiter murders a kidnapped truck driver the next morning, because he wasn’t a good match for the centipede. Katsuro (Akihiro Kitamura), a Japanese tourist, is the truck driver’s replacement. After a gruesome surgery, Dr. Heiter completes his centipede with Jenny’s mouth sewed into Lindsay’s anus, and Katsuro in the lead position, with Lindsay‘s mouth sewed into his anus. Dr. Heiter basks in the glory of fulfilling his dream, but a surprise visit from Detective Kranz (Andreas Leupold) and Detective Voller (Peter Blankenstein) will force the doctor to change his upcoming plans for replacing a sick Jenny.

Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie are believable as the airheaded American tourists, who are looking for a wild party. Well, character wise, Lindsay is a little bit smarter than Jenny, because Lindsay was smart enough to not drink the full glass of water from the creepy recluse in the woods. Anyway, once they’re sewn together, Williams and Yennie’s performances are limited to muffled screams and crying. Kitamura is the angry and vocal mouthpiece in the centipede, because…..well he’s the only one, who can actually speak. Kitamura hurls insults, and he bites Dr. Heiter in defiance, but Katsuro has a moment of clarity (more on that later) at the end.

But Dieter Laser easily delivers the best performance here. Laser is genuinely evil with a cold and vicious demeanor. He plays the mad doctor role to perfection, and he really nailed the “hateful recluse with a disdain for mankind” side of Dr. Heiter’s personality. During the beginning, Dr. Heiter is asked why he lives alone, and isn’t married. His response? “I hate human beings.” Laser was so serious, and the emotionless look on his face was spot on. That’s a convincing performance, because I SERIOUSLY believed him, when he said this.

Tom Six (the writer and director for this film) spares no expense for disgusting gore and bloody violence. The surgery for the centipede is graphic, bloody, and the aftermath for the fully functioning centipede is more repulsive and disgusting. I say this a lot, but if you’re not into nasty horror, you should stay away from this film.

But with all his nastiness and vile attempts to make you puke, Tom Six delivers a surprisingly suspenseful finale. Once the detectives come into the picture at the end, and threaten to return with a search warrant, The Human Centipede kicks into high gear. Everything comes at you so fast. Katsuro grabbing the surgical knife to use as a weapon against Dr. Heiter, Katsuro pushing Jenny and Lindsay to crawl to an escape, and the bloody shootout between Dr. Heiter and the detectives. And out of nowhere, Katsuro has this revelation about his current predicament. Katsuro remembers how poorly he treated his mother and father, and he abandoned his only child. After his recollection, and truly believing he deserves his punishment, Katsuro uses a piece of glass to slit his own throat.

Six throws so many surprises at you towards the end, and I was on the edge of my seat, because I had no idea who would die and who would survive. Well, I guess Jenny is an exception for surprises, because after the infection, she was the first and only obvious choice for a countdown to death.

The Human Centipede is a gruesome and grotesque surgical horror film with plenty of gross-out and hard-to-watch moments, and a suspenseful third act. But yeah, if you’re not into gross horror flicks, don’t waste your time with this one, because chances are you’ll hate The Human Centipede (First Sequence).

Rating: 8/10

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

V/H/S 2 (2013)

As all horror fans on here should know, V/H/S 2 is the follow-up to the found-footage horror anthology released last year. Strangely enough, while V/H/S 2 features the franchise's two best horror segments, it also features the two worst, thus making V/H/S 2 an all-around weaker entry. I will now comment on and rate each segment:

Tape 49 (wrap-around segment): This was a solid wrap-around story to the segments shown. Unlike the first V/H/S where yeoman thugs were hired to steal a tape from a creepy house, a private investigator and his partner/lover are hired by a woman to film her philandering husband and to find out what happened to her missing son. After catching the husband red-handed, the sleazy duo head over to the missing son's apartment where they find a setup we should all be familiar with.
Segment Rating: 5/10

Clinical Trials (first segment): A fucking pitiful excuse of a segment. After partial sight loss due to a car accident, a guy gets a bionic eye that intermittently picks up the images of dead spirits/ghosts/whatever you want to call them. Minimal tension, terrible build-up, and a so-so pair of tits that was obviously only meant to salvage this piece of shit. No matter how hard you try, you can't polish a turd.
Segment Rating: 0/10

A Ride in the Park (second segment): V/H/S 2 totally redeems itself with this one. A man with a helmet-cam skips out on breakfast with his significant other to enjoy a day of biking in the local park. Unfortunately for him, he soon stumbles across the beginning of a zombie epidemic that he succumbs to. What makes A Ride in the Park so good is that the majority of it takes place after the biker becomes a zombie, thus giving viewers a bird's eye view of what it's like to be one of the undead. Original, creative, funny, gory, and terrifying, A Ride in the Park is the kind of segment us horror fiends dream of.
Segment Rating: 10/10

Safe Haven (third segment): Things only get better with this one, where a team of investigative journalists try to expose the practices of an Indonesian cult. I don't want to give you any information on this one because of how fucking good it is. I have no clue who the fuck Gareth Evans and Timo Tjahjanto are, but these dudes can direct. I am so looking forward to everything they put out from this point on.
Segment Rating: 10/10

Slumber Party Alien Abduction (fourth segment): It's just like it sounds, and, from its name, it's just as terrible as you're now imagining it to be. A trite, repetitive snoozefest that ends with an unnecessary scene of animal cruelty. After looking up the director (Jason Eisener) and finding out he made the abominable Hobo With A Shotgun, I now know why this segment sucked so much ass.
Segment Rating: 0/10

I can't say I'm disappointed in V/H/S 2 because of the two great segments it provided. However, I hope they don't rush out the third entry lest they want another film with some entries that should only be shown as shorts on the horror convention circuit. If you like the first V/H/S, you won't be disappointed with its sequel...at least half of the time anyway.

Final Rating: 5/10

 

[Slice]

Oh, and a little extra tidbit. Pay close attention to the final home movie with Rob and Beth on the Ferris wheel at the end. Look in the background at the ocean, and you can see the monster falling from the sky, and dropping into the water. It happens quick, and it’s kind of small (because the view of the background is out of focus), but if you look real close, you can see how the monster came to Earth, and eventually New York City. I’ve probably seen this movie six times or more, and I just caught it on my most recent viewing.

I just wanted to say, that I'm not sure 'cause it's been a while since I saw Cloverfield but if memory serves I think what falls into the water is actually a satellite, and it either is a part of what awakens the monster that's been asleep down there, or has some other connection to the film, I can't remember.

That whole thing tied into the marketing campaign and it was mentioned somewhere about Tagruato's Satellite malfunctions or something like that. I loved how the movie kind of used more than just the movie like that; if you want more info you can scour the internet and find lots of official little pieces that seem uneventful but if you think about it you can make the connections (Donnie Darko! SNAP)

But yeah. The company apparently had a lot to do with drilling in the seabed for stuff, even using some seabed nectar or something to make SLUSHO! The best frozen beverage around! Or something. And all that has something to do with the monster.

... Sorry, just wanted to clarify, but apparently I didn't xD Let me at least toss my score in then; 9/10 for Cloverfield, if only for being creative, and using more than just the movie to tell a story which made it much more interactive and fun in my opinion

 

[i'm a cm punk girl]

I saw it I was utterly surprised !! It's a really good movie with a good storyline and the effects are really good ! It kept me engaged the whole time.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

I just wanted to say, that I'm not sure 'cause it's been a while since I saw Cloverfield but if memory serves I think what falls into the water is actually a satellite, and it either is a part of what awakens the monster that's been asleep down there, or has some other connection to the film, I can't remember.

That whole thing tied into the marketing campaign and it was mentioned somewhere about Tagruato's Satellite malfunctions or something like that. I loved how the movie kind of used more than just the movie like that; if you want more info you can scour the internet and find lots of official little pieces that seem uneventful but if you think about it you can make the connections (Donnie Darko! SNAP)

But yeah. The company apparently had a lot to do with drilling in the seabed for stuff, even using some seabed nectar or something to make SLUSHO! The best frozen beverage around! Or something. And all that has something to do with the monster.

... Sorry, just wanted to clarify, but apparently I didn't xD Let me at least toss my score in then; 9/10 for Cloverfield, if only for being creative, and using more than just the movie to tell a story which made it much more interactive and fun in my opinion

Didn't think about that, but it's definitely a possibility. As I said in the review, it's REALLY hard to tell, because the image in the background is out of focus, and so tiny. It's just the first thing that came to mind, when I finally saw it for the first time. Something else to add to it, kind of odd how something (satellite, monster, whatever) falls from the sky, and into the water at a beach, and NOBODY on the beach notices it. I mean, that's what you have to assume, because you don't hear any screams, or see a commotion from everyone else.

 

[Mighty NorCal]

I loved Cloverfield, if anything for how unique it was.

Anyway,

Iron Man 3

Ill be honest, I didnt get what the big deal was. Everyone's reaction led me to believe it was excellent, and I wasn't very impressed.

If you are going to repeatedly mention this is part of the same continuity as the Avengers, then were the fuck is Captain America when this terrorist is killing people and threatening the president?

Gwenyth Paltrow whipping ass in the iron man suit? Really? Were did she get her fighting training, Billy Blanks?

Why destroy all of them? Perhaps, just don't obsess on working on them anymore? Weren't you having anxiety about Aliens kiling the whole world for the entire damn movie? Think those suits might come in handy someday?


Meh.

7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

I still believe the original Iron Man is the best film in the trilogy. Iron Man 3 was an upgrade over Iron Man 2 in my book. Second was mediocre at best, but it also had the task of following the success of the first film. Ridiculously high expectations for part 2, and for Rourke as the villain, especially after The Wrestler.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (2011)

**SPOILERS**

After developing an obsession for Tom Six’s The Human Centipede (First Sequence), Martin Lomax (Laurence R. Harvey) decides to build his own human centipede. Still living at home with his mother in London, overweight, suffering from asthma, and working as a security guard in a parking garage, Martin is a disturbed man, who suppresses a past of sexual abuse by his jailed father.

With a centipede as his pet, Martin decides to make his dream a reality by acquiring a warehouse (after he kills the seller), and kidnapping victims in the parking garage and his apartment complex to construct his own human centipede with twelve people. Martin shows no mercy, as he kidnaps a pregnant woman, a couple with a baby, and a rowdy neighbor. Feeding his never ending obsession for the First Sequence, Martin plots to kidnap Ashlynn Yennie, and use her as the lead piece for his centipede. Through careful planning and timing, Martin convinces Yennie’s talent agency to lure her into his clutches with the promise of an audition for a Quentin Tarantino movie.

With no medical training, Martin pieces together his crude twelve person human centipede, but Martin runs into unexpected problems after he puts the finishing touches on his gruesome final product……

You’ll probably hate or love The Human Centipede 2, but one thing’s for sure, you won’t forget Martin. Harvey’s physical appearance is enough to make your skin crawl, and the character is one sick freak. He lives alone with a mother, who hates him, and she blames her husband’s imprisonment on him. Martin literally defecates in his own bed, he never speaks one word throughout the movie (just a lot of squealing, grunting, and yelling). Well, he sort of speaks, when he whispers something into someone else’s ear, but you don’t actually hear the dialogue. Martin abuses his genitals with random objects (using sandpaper, barbed wire, etc.), and he constantly tortures the victims in his centipede. Just to give you an example of how bad it is, Martin actually injects each victim in his centipede with a laxative, so he can watch them……well you know what happens next.

I mean, you would think Martin is someone you can feel sympathy for, because of his past, the verbal abuse from his mother, and his psychiatrist, Dr. Sebring (Bill Hutchens) constantly touches him inappropriately to try and lure Martin into a sexual relationship. But Martin is a cold-blooded murder, and he enjoys torturing the victims in his centipede, so any feelings of sympathy fly out of the window pretty quickly.

The rest of the cast is decent enough, but Six puts a lot of focus on Martin, and everyone around Martin is either killed off, put into the centipede, or they don’t receive a significant amount of dialogue.

The Human Centipede 2 is in all black and white 100% of the time, and Tom Six takes a darker approach to the sequel. Dr. Heiter was an evil mad doctor, but Martin is a sick and perverted freak, who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal, while following in the footsteps of his idol (Dr. Heiter the character). Martin is more disgusting, and he acts like a playful child, who walked into a toy store with a ticket for a shopping spree. The gore is more graphic, repulsive, and really, REALLY gruesome. You’ll see a lot of blood, and plenty of gross-out moments in Part 2, so if you have plans to watch this, don’t eat anything during the movie. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Tom Six goes out of his way to be more graphic and vulgar the second time around. The violence, the centipede, the dialogue, and the story. Everything is cranked up to maximum levels here. Six also “breaks the fourth wall” so to speak. Martin is inspired by The Human Centipede (First Sequence), and Ashlynn Yennie isn’t Jenny in the Full Sequence, she’s portrays herself, Ashlynn Yennie the actress. Tom Six’s wink to the fans of the first film provide some good “I remember that” moments, and Ashlynn recalling her experiences on the set of The Human Centipede to Martin during the drive to the “studio” was a cool behind the scenes moment. All in all, it’s a big contrast with The Human Centipede (First Sequence) using the tagline “100% medically accurate,” while the Full Sequence uses “100% medically inaccurate” as its tagline.

But you know what, the nasty and revolting gore overshadows and overwhelms everything in this film. The attempted social commentary, Martin’s backstory, character development, EVERYTHING. Yeah, I understand, Tom Six wanted to go out of his way to be more disgusting, and try his hardest to actually make you puke, but he sacrifices storytelling and a coherent sense of direction for the chances of you possibly picking up a barf bag, or running to the toilet.

The First Sequence had a suspenseful finale, but I can’t say the same thing about the Full Sequence. Towards the end, the victims find a way to tear themselves off of each other, because Martin actually uses duct tape, and regular staples to complete the mouth to anus attachments. Anyway, Martin flips out and starts shooting the victims, killing them. And when he runs out of bullets, he uses a knife to slit the remaining survivor’s throats. The pregnant woman is going into labor, as she runs away, and she actually gives birth while trying to drive a car. And on top of all that, Ashlynn uses a funnel to guide Martin’s pet centipede into his rectum.

Eh, okay. That’s all very gross, but it’s not suspenseful, or interesting to look at it. Problem is, Tom Six tries too hard to gross-out the audience throughout the movie, so by the time you reach the end, everything just feels kind of “meh.” A bad case of overkill, and the sloppy finale was a chore to sit through.

I usually toss out this warning every now and then, but it holds more weight for the Full Sequence. If you’re the squeamish type, do not, I repeat DO NOT watch this movie. The Full Sequence is loaded with bloody and graphic gore, sickening torture, and a violent rape scene at the end. Need a visual for how bad everything is? Take a good look at the movie poster above. Now magnify the pic of The Human Centipede times ten. Then, imagine twelve fully nude human beings duct taped and stapled to each other mouth to anus, bleeding, sweating, and defecating at the same the time (the repugnant laxative scene).

As far as the rating goes, it’s kind of tricky for me. I’ve seen a lot of nasty stuff, but The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is probably the most disgusting, disturbing, obscene, nasty, and depraved horror film I’ve ever seen. It’s funny, because Tom Six is already bragging about going to the next level with the gross stuff for The Human Centipede Part 3. I guess that’s my big problem with Full Sequence. Six sacrificed sensible direction and competent storytelling for the sake of topping all the weird and disgusting stuff in the first film, with the hopes of SHOCKING the audience, and grossing everybody out as much as possible. I can’t count the number of times I said “no, he‘s not going to….oh you gotta be kidding me, he actually did” out loud during the movie.

So yeah, in the end, the Full Sequence is torture porn personified. If you wants lots of blood, violent deaths, and nasty gore, the Full Sequence won’t disappoint you at all. But you’ll have a lot of trouble finding the plot, or a meaning behind the film after you dig through the chunks of flesh, splatters of blood, and dismembered carcasses. I’m sure I’ll never forget The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) for as long as I live, but for me, that‘s not enough to give Tom Six the proverbial pat on the back or thumbs up.

Rating: 1/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Purge (2013)

**SPOILERS**

In 2022, America is prospering by reaching all-time lows for unemployment and crime rates. The catch? Each year, willing American citizens participate in The Purge, an annual event where all crime, including savage beatings, torture, and murder are legal within a twelve hour period. All emergency services are suspended within the twelve hour period, so American citizens can cleanse themselves of the hatred, aggression, and rage built up inside of them.

In a suburban community, James Sandin (Ethan Hawke), a successful salesman for home security systems that protect unwilling Americans from bloodthirsty Purge enthusiasts, prepares his family for The Purge. Placing a bouquet of blue flowers (blue flowers signify support for The Purge) in front of the house, James lectures his bratty teenage daughter, Zoey (Adelaide Kane) and his young son, Charlie (Max Burkholder), while his wife, Mary (Lena Headey) tries to back him up. Charlie questions the morals behind The Purge, and unbeknownst to James and Mary, Zoey’s older boyfriend, Henry (Tony Oller) snuck into the house during lockdown.

During the early stages of The Purge, when he finally reveals himself, Henry tries to kill James, so he can be with Zoey without any problems, but James fires back with his own gun during the shootout, killing Henry. Although, Henry’s death becomes a minor problem, when Charlie makes a risky choice. Noticing a homeless man and former US soldier begging for help and shelter, Charlie disarms the security system, giving him a chance to come inside the house. But after a few inside tips from unidentified neighbors, The Purge group tracking the homeless man surround at the Sandin’s home, and the leader delivers an ultimatum: The Sandin’s have one hour to release the homeless man, or he will lead his group into the house to kill the homeless man, and the entire Sandin family.

As usual, Ethan Hawke is a competent leading man. Nothing spectacular, but I always give Hawke credit for being able to hold his own without too much help. Lena Headey provides the most noteworthy performance from the supporting cast. I REALLY want to give more credit to Rhys Wakefield (the clean cut lunatic and prep school kid, who leads his Purge group, and he delivers the ultimatum, aka the guy smiling with the mask in the peephole POV in the trailers and TV spots), but once The Purge group breaks into the house, his character loses a lot of steam. Wakefield had so much potential as the delightful murderer, but this character gets caught up, and eventually lost in the whirlwind of social commentary and The Sandin’s fight for survival.

So murder can solve all of our problems? That’s a flawed message, and James DeMonaco (the writer and director) did a good job of covering this problem from different perspectives. When you get to the core of motivations for different characters participating in The Purge, the answer is the same on all fronts: everyone is using The Purge to feed and justify their own selfish and animalistic desires. The rich snobs, who are trying to kill the homeless man, feel like they’re providing a service to society by getting rid of the homeless “pigs.” Motivated by jealousy, neighbors try and use The Purge as the perfect cover to kill off the entire Sandin family for James’ financial success. And during the beginning, an angry and disgruntled employee brags about his plans to kill his boss on a radio show.

IF The Purge didn’t fall into a predictable step by step process, I would go with a higher score. I’ll give DeMonaco credit for throwing in a nice twist at the very end, but once James decides to do the right thing and fight, you kind of get a good feeling for where the story is going to go. And on top of all that, you can see every “learned lesson” coming from a mile away.

Still, I really enjoyed The Purge as a home invasion thriller. They’re few, far, and between, but DeMonaco provides a handful of hard-hitting and bloody action sequences. More importantly, it’s not an ordinary and boring “random group of weirdos break into a house to torment, and eventually murder the innocent victims” home invasion thriller. The Purge TRIES to be something different, with DeMonaco using the setting of a dystopian America, and forcing everyone into a lawless hellhole to fight for survival.

The Purge was a nice surprise for me, but I have very LOW expectations for the planned sequel. Sorry, but the premise feels like a one and done type of deal to me. Also, I’m shocked another quality film (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003 and the Friday The 13th remake are my other two picks. Although, others might throw Pain & Gain into the mix.) came out of Michael Bay’s shit factory of a production company known as Platinum Dunes.

Rating: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Internship (2013)

**SPOILERS**

Down on their luck and jobless, two watch salesmen take one last shot with an internship program/competition at Google. Nick (Owen Wilson) and Billy (Vince Vaughn) are forced to take a chance after their boss, Sammy (John Goodman) closes the company, cashes out, and moves to Florida. Fed up with being a mattress salesman, Nick is persuaded by Billy to go to Google headquarters, and quit his new job.

Nick and Billy team up with a group of young rejects (or “leftovers”) led by Lyle (Josh Brener). During and after the first challenge, Nick and Billy are ignored and resisted by team members Stuart (Dylan O’Brien), Yo-Yo (Tobit Raphael), and Neha (Tiya Sircar). Plus, Billy and Nick must overcome the stigma of two old-timers wanting a free ride from the Google project manager, Mr. Chetty (Aasif Mandvi).

Eventually, the group comes together under Nick and Billy’s guidance and leadership, as they use their experiences to teach life lessons, helping each insecure team member break out of their shells along the way. But a few distractions could ruin Nick and Billy’s chances for landing a job. Nick is obsessed with Dana (Rose Byrne), a Google executive, and Billy has to deal with the bullying from the rival team leader, Graham (Max Minghella).

As expected, there’s some good chemistry between Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn, and their chemistry is the driving force behind The Internship. Max Minghella has his moments as the jerk/snob, who will do anything to get under the skin of someone, who’s beneath him. Rose Byrne is just eye candy for the most part, and her character is kind of dull. There’s a cameo from Will Ferrell (he’s Nick’s boss at the mattress store, and he’s married to Nick’s sister) that didn’t do anything for me, and I was hoping for more John Goodman. No complaints from the cast of kids, who portrayed Nick and Billy’s team members. No one really stood out as their own version of a quirky and nerdy outcast. Well, Tobit Raphael comes close.

The Internship is predictable as predictable can be. You just knew the unlikely team of underdogs would find a way to triumph and defeat Graham’s team somehow. You knew Nick would eventually capture Dana’s heart, and he did. And you knew Billy, the screw-up, would find his courage to give it another shot after a pep talk from his best friend.

Still, with all that said, I really enjoyed The Internship. Honestly, I thought I would hate this, and I went into this film with very low expectations, but I was wrong. Some will just see a formulaic Hollywood comedy disguised as an overlong ad for all things Google. But I laughed myself into tears a few times, and for the most part, predictability is a problem here, but The Internship throws a few curveballs and surprises at you during the finale.

The Internship is harmless fun, with a handful of good laughs along the way (the fiasco at the strip club is hilarious). Glad I took a chance on this, and hopefully Vaughn and Wilson will team up again in the future.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Jack-Hammer]

I watched a late night viewing of the new Superman movie, titled "Man of Steel" and I'm a little mixed on it.

On one hand, it's a far better effort, in my opinion, than "Superman Returns". "Superman Returns" just flat out sucked all around, again in my opinion, from the acting to the plot. It wasn't helped by the fact that it came across as more of an homage to the first two "Superman" films rather than an attempt to actually be its own movie. I'll try not to give away too many spoilers.

The Good - I enjoyed the fact that this movie, as I alluded to, did do its own thing. The origin of Superman/Clark Kent was tweaked a little bit to give it a bit more of an edge. It worked because they didn't go nuts and try to rework the whole thing. I also liked that they gave a solid effort at humanizing Superman, and I think they succeeded for the most part. For instance, the idea of having him be someone who just sort of roamed the world working one job or another rather than having an idealized, picturesque life in which he reveled in the abilities that made him different was a great touch. They played up the aspect of Superman just not really fitting in, being something of an outcast because of who & what he is. It's something that I've not seen in other interpretations of Superman. To me, it made Superman come off more like some Marvel characters, including some of the more tragic ones, in that his powers don't solve the everyday problems that people face. As a result, it makes him a far more interesting character. The fact that, while obviously powerful, he does seem to have limits is also refreshing. For instance, we don't see him flying around Earth so fast that he's able to cause time to go backwards or essentially holding up the entire state of California as its ravaged by an earthquake. The changes to Superman's look also work for me and, again, seem to be more in line with what we've seen Marvel do with many of their characters since the early 2000s. Superman's suit now looks more like a uniform rather than a costume. Doing away with the brief style tights helps out with that look because, frankly, that looks too old fashioned and kind of silly in this day & age. The effects are also top notch, nothing that sets new standards but still great, and the fight scenes, while they do seem to drag on sometimes, are entertaining. The plot, while kinda simple, does work out pretty well. Like most of the rest of this movie, the plot is far above the plot of "Superman Returns", which came off like something you'd see out of one of the "Super Friends" cartoons of the 70s and 80s.

The Bad - While the overall aspect of Superman/Clark Kent is more intriguing as a person in the film, I thought just about every other character in the film was pretty underdeveloped. Overall, the acting in the film didn't really blow my skirt up either. Although the cast was packed with very well known & acclaimed actors, it seemed like most of them were simply in the movie just for the sake of the studio being able to say that the movie had a good deal of star power. Amy Adams, while a great actress, just didn't click with me as Lois Lane and I didn't really sense much chemistry between her and Henry Cavill. It wasn't anywhere near as lousy as Maggie Gyllenhaal & Brandon Routh in "Superman Returns", but it also wasn't remotely close to what we saw from Margot Kidder & Christopher Reeve in the first two "Superman" films. I also wasn't too thrilled with Michael Shannon's portrayal of General Zod. His character, generally speaking, is probably more in line with how the character was portrayed in the comics. Or, at least, the version of the character who was in the comics from the early 60s through the mid 2000s. He was more of a megalomaniacal military dictator and while that's true to how the character existed in the comics until about 2005, in my opinion, it just wasn't nearly as interesting as how the character was portrayed by Terrence Stamp. That interpretation is really much more in line with how the character is now since he was rebooted back in 2005. Stamp's version always reminded me quite a bit of how I'd love to see Doctor Doom portrayed in a film with that dignified bearing, sophisticated accent and coldly, calculated, charismatic arrogance. Shannon's portrayal didn't have much of that. More in line with how the character was portrayed for 4.5 decades yes, but just not nearly as entertaining.

Final Thoughts - All in all "Man of Steel" is a pretty solid popcorn flick. What I enjoyed the most about this film was that they actually made Superman a character rather than a collection of superpowers with a Messiah complex. The updated look, along with some character depth, is a nice touch as well. The action scenes were entertaining and fun to watch with great looking special effects. The acting, as a whole, could have been much, much better though. Aside from Superman himself, no other character in the movie really felt as though they really mattered. Michael Shannon as Zod seemed extremely watered down compared to Stamp, even though this character was much more in line with how he was generally written in the comics up until about 8 years ago. The chemistry between Adams & Cavill is lukewarm at best. The movie was pretty good, but nothing remotely close to "The Avengers".

On A Scale From 1 To 10: 7

 

[JamJam]

I watched Man of Steel in 3D and thought it was pretty good. I think Jack Hammer touched on all the points that I wanted to make so this won't be a long review. When it was announced that Cavill would portray Superman, I didn't really think it would work but then I was glad to be wrong when I watched the film. Cavill did a good job as Superman and I agree with Jack Hammer that it was refreshing to see Superman not save the day all the way through, if that makes sense.

I liked the continuity in the film. The flashbacks were pretty good too and worked well where they were placed. It was good seeing how Clark Kent was as a kid cause I think that's pretty important. I do think the acting from everyone else could've been better, way better. Also, I think they may have chosen the wrong girl to play Lois Lane. Adams and Cavill just didn't have that chemistry that I was hoping for. I was waiting for it, but it just didn't happen.

The performance by Michael Shannon as General Zod was actually pretty decent imo. I marked out hard when the fight between Zod and Superman occurred, it was just awesome. Watching it in 3D helped for sure. But yeah, I think Shannon did a good job for me to hate him as the villain and I think that's all we can really ask for in a villain. One of my favorite characters was Meloni, who plays Detective Stabler in Law and Order. Very ironic the way he died after mentioning that phrase, it was awesome.

One other thing, how did no one notice it's Clark Kent working for the newspaper? It's just the glasses!

But anyway, this film was pretty solid. Granted I haven't watched any of the other Superman movies, this was a pretty good movie. The fight scenes kept my eyes glued to the screen, you really have to see the movie to understand how good it was. Definitely hoping for a sequel.

8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Jack Hammer, Kate Bosowrth portrayed Lois Lane in Superman Returns, not Maggie Gyllenhaal. It sticks out in my memory, because I'm a huge fan of Bosworth, and I was excited, when she got a big name role at the time.

Saw it a few hours ago, and I really enjoyed Man Of Steel. Much better than Superman Returns, IMO. I can't comment on Superman's backstory, because I'm not a comic book expert by any means, and I only go off of what I see in cartoons, and the movies. Man Of Steel is an upgrade for Zack Snyder, especially when you remember his last film was that god awful piece of trash Sucker Punch. Oh, and I'd give Man Of Steel an 8/10.