Movie Review Thread

[LSN80]

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)

Harassed and bullied as a child, Burt uses Rance Holloway’s (Alan Arkin) magic kit to escape reality. Burt idolizes Rance for being the most famous magician of his time, and Burt forms a team with his best friend, Anton.

As adults, Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) and Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi) are the hottest magic act in Las Vegas. Performing on a weekly basis at the luxurious Bally’s Hotel, Burt and Anton continue to fill seats in their exclusive theater until a new act threatens their business. Steve Gray (Jim Carrey) stars in and hosts a reality magic TV show named Brain Rapist. Steve performs exciting and extreme acts of magic, but on the flip-side, Burt and Anton’s routine act is becoming stale.

Doug Munny (James Gandolfini) is the owner of the Bally’s Hotel, and Doug is looking for a modern act to take over Burt and Anton’s spot for his new hotel. Doug wants Steve Gray, and Burt’s stubbornness could ruin the team’s chances of landing a new contract. The new assistant, Jane (Olivia Wilde) tries to join Burt and Anton’s team, as Steve Gray continues to impress Doug, slowly securing his spot for the one and only contract worth millions.

I tried and I TRIED, but I could not laugh at Jim Carrey’s Steve Gray. It was a case of trying too hard, and overkill for me. It’s not enough for Steve Gray to have a show named Brain Rapist, drill holes in his head, and sleep on hot coals. On top of that, he paints his fingernails, has a series of wild tattoos, and performs a stunt, where he forces himself to hold all of his urine for days. I’m a Jim Carrey fan, but Steve Gray couldn’t pull any laughs out of me.

It’s refreshing to see Steve Carell take a different route character wise. As a kid, yeah, Carell’s character is the wimpy geek, but as an adult, he’s an egotistical asshole. Carell was enjoyable as the asshole, but the inevitable “jerk realizes all of his mistakes, and decides to turn his life around” character transformation is so disappointing (more on that later). Carell was an entertaining egomaniac, but the predictable story kills this character.

James Gandolfini was spot on as Doug Munny. Then again, Gandolfini has a lot of experience, when it comes to playing a pushy and obsessive boss. Steve Buscemi has a few moments as the nerdy sidekick, Olivia Wilde never rises above the status of eye candy, and Alan Arkin was the perfect fit for the old and grouchy veteran.

I laughed every now and then, but The Incredible Burt Wonderstone could’ve been, and more importantly, SHOULD’VE been better. The cast is top notch, and more often than not, Steve Carell is reliable as a “comedy guy” in the lead role. BUT I don’t blame the cast. The story is formulaic and predictable, and you’ll see everything coming from a mile away. The step-by-step process for Burt’s eventual realizations for all of his mistakes, and a need to do the right thing is torturous.

Burt and Anton reaching down into the bottom of their bag to pull out that one grand trick towards the very end was supposed to be the feel-good moment, but the “disappearing act” didn’t do anything for me. Jane and Burt as a couple brought a facepalm out of me, because The Incredible Burt Wonderstone’s obvious foreshadowing gave away the “the tool turns into a nice guy, and captures the heart of his dream girl” storyline.

Sorry, but I’m going to have high expectations for a comedy that features Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Alan Arkin, and James Gandolfini. The breaking the fourth wall technique for showing the secrets behind the magic tricks added a cool behind the scenes layer to this film, but still, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is an underwhelming comedy. Dry jokes, inconsistent, goofy humor, monotonous predictability, and truth be told, this movie is kind of boring at times. I had high hopes for The Incredible Burt Wonderstone, but instead, I have an early pick for my list of major disappointments in 2013.

Rating: 3/10

Damn you Mitch for beating me to reviewing every movie I see.

I'll spare the details, as Mitch did a fantastic job of running down the synopsis. I'll just give my own thoughts on the movie myself.

Take Steve Carell's Michael Scott from the Office, magnify his arrogance, cluelessness and delusions of grandeur by 10, make him a magician, and you have Burt Wonderstone. I really enjoyed Carell here, as he had a different look to him, and was convincing both as a magician and a playboy. Steve Buscemi was extremely weak and pushed to the side in a bit part as Burt's partner, exemplified most when he and Burt reunite after parting ways after a failed magic trick trying to one-up Jim Carrey's Steve Gray character. They decide to include the incredible Olivia Wilde as their partner,Jane, but Buscemi's Anton is pushed aside seconds after reuniting so Carell and Wilde can have sex.

This is spoken with incredible bias, as Olivia Wilde is the hottest woman on the planet. Thus, any movie with her in tight outfits, even for just part of the movie, gets a pass. Jim Carrey's Steve Gray was a total miss for me, as him as a "Jesus like" street magician with a dangerous act(with little magic and mostly idiocy) just didn't work.

While Carrey and Buscemi didn't work, James Gandolfini and Alan Arkin did. Gandolfini is hilarious as a casino mogul obsessed with money and power at the expense of not even knowing his son's age at his birthday party, and then using said party as a prop to push his new casino. Arkin is good as elderly former magician Rance Hollaway, who Burt comes into contact with after he's lost everything and has to be the entertainment at a nursing home.

While I agree with Mitch that the movie was somewhat predictable andformulaic, I liked that while Carrell realized what an ass he was, he didn't change so extensively that he lost his arrogance or delusions of grandeur. The movie fails with Carrell in terms of explaining how he got his sidekick Buscemi to return after being responsible for breaking his ankles, and also how he can continue to take expensive rides and wear nice clothes despite having only 248 dollars to his name. Still, Burt Wonderstone was an entertaining character, and Carrell himself was spot on.

This movie fell right into the middle with me. There were several good running jokes in the movie, but just as many fell flat. There were several plot details that jumped the shark in terms of explanation, and they really wasted Buscemi and Carrey's character was just awful. However, Carrell, Arkin and Gandolfini are excellent. Wilde's a decent actress and her hotness allow me to give this a somewhat generous grade.

6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Damn you Mitch for beating me to reviewing every movie I see.

I'm starting to develop a habit of going on opening day (mainly because my second choice theater is nearly deserted on Friday afternoons), so I'm always going to be the first one to beat you to the punch, deal with it.

Buscemi was overshadowed by the vast majority of the cast. Then again, I guess you could say that's the whole point of his character. Buscemi was the weakling and Burt's punching bag, who's constantly tossed aside, and pushed into the background throughout the movie.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Lovely Molly (2012)

**SPOILERS**

After their wedding, Molly (Gretchen Lodge) and Tim (Johnny Lewis) move into the childhood home of Molly’s deceased parents. Molly is a recovering heroin addict, and Tim is a busy truck driver, so Molly is forced to spend a lot of time alone in the house. One night, Molly and Tim suspect the break-in of an unknown intruder, but the responding police officer is unable to find any signs of forced entry.

Molly slowly succumbs to boredom and anxiety during Tim’s lengthy stints on the road. And on the night of her birthday, Molly smokes a joint from her sister Hannah (Alexandra Holden). One taste of marijuana triggers Molly’s cravings for heroin, and soon enough, Molly dips into her secret stash of heroin concealed inside a teddy bear. During Tim’s absence, Molly experiences a series of bizarre paranormal intrusions, but nobody believes Molly’s far-fetched stories.

Molly recalls painful memories from her childhood, and she slowly sinks into a deeper hole, while developing an unusual obsession for the neighbors next door. Tim suggests committing Molly to the local mental hospital again, but Hannah begs for more time. To Tim, Molly is just a delusional heroin addict, but Molly is willing to do anything to convince Tim, Hannah, and anyone else, who doubts her beliefs of a ghostly presence.

Gretchen Lodge delivers the best performance here. At first, Molly is a boring character, but Lodge shows off her true talents, as Molly descends into madness. Molly devolves into a broken woman, and an angry drug addict. Lodge really nailed the devious side of Molly’s personality, and Lodge continues to excel throughout this film, as Molly transforms into a darker character. The rest of the cast is solid, but Hannah is a terrible person (you give your sister, who’s a recovering heroin addict marijuana? Seriously???)

Remember Eduardo Sanchez? He’s one of the guys, who co-directed The Blair Witch Project. To be honest, I haven’t followed his post-Blair Witch career, because I hated The Blair Witch Project. Sanchez directed a few straight-to-video horror flicks. Supposedly, he’s returning for The Blair Witch Project 3, and he’s one of the directors for S-V/H/S (the sequel to V/H/S). Honestly, after browsing his resume, nothing jumped out at me, and I really don’t have the urge to watch any of his films.

Anyway, Lovely Molly IS Eduardo Sanchez’s film. He’s the director, Sanchez came up with the story, he co-wrote the screenplay, and he edited this film. I’ll start with the directing. Sanchez delivers one good jump scare at the beginning, but that’s not enough. Lovely Molly is horribly boring most of the time, and Sanchez’s 50/50 style of real-time camerawork, and POV found-footage drove me nuts. As Molly investigates the strange noises at night, she uses a handheld video camera to record everything. Yeah, Molly’s POV is just the typical shaky cam found-footage bullshit style. Molly’s “HE’S HERE! HE’S HERE!” routine wasn’t spooky, and I couldn’t feel the tension or suspense. Sorry, but the mundane “things that go bump in the night” approach and tired shaky came effects aren’t enough, if you’re trying to stir up some real jump scares.

The story really, really, really pissed me off. So Molly is experiencing some supernatural disturbances at home. BUT at the same time, she’s a hardcore heroin addict, so there’s a good chance Molly is just hallucinating, and/or losing her mind. Well, as the story develops, it’s clear Molly is telling the truth. Okay, now what? Should we focus on the paranormal intrusions? Nah, let’s sidetrack and confuse the audience with a bunch of sub-plots. Molly’s having intense sexual cravings, but wait, we can’t forget about her problems with heroin. Then, let’s throw in dueling infidelity storylines: one involving Tim and the woman next door, and Molly seducing a priest. And we can’t forget about Molly’s traumatic childhood, and Hannah’s decision to murder someone in the family as a child. Oh, and for some reason, Molly needs to take a dead dear from the woods, keep it in the basement, and repeatedly stab the carcass on a daily basis to let out aggression? Okay then.

Usually, I’m not one to complain about nudity, and Gretchen Lodge is an attractive woman, but most of the nudity and sexual situations were so unnecessary. For starters, Sanchez constantly shows this one shot of Molly sitting in a room completely nude. With the exception of one time, Sanchez doesn’t show anything, but still, why is Molly naked in this one room all the time? There’s an unusual and awkward scene, where Molly is raped by an unknown entity at work. Molly’s boss shows her the footage from the security cameras. Molly is devastated at first, but then she laughs, and throws a tirade against her boss (Molly’s “I need help… NO. LEAVE ME ALONE. I HATE YOU!” tirades are a reoccurring trend throughout this film)?

Molly wants revenge for Tim‘s infidelity, and she sees an easy target in the priest. One night, Molly comes out to the front porch, while it’s raining, and of course she’s naked. The priest walks up to her with this mesmerized look on his face, and….well, you can probably guess what happens next. Towards the very end, Molly is naked, and she walks up to this unknown (and presumably evil) figure at night for a hug? Again, is there a reason why she’s naked in the freezing cold at night?

Others might’ve enjoyed the slow burn technique, but Sanchez’s steady and methodical pacing just irritated me. If you’re going the route of a slow build, while carefully revealing crucial plot points along the way, you need to give the audience a satisfying payoff at the end, or in this case, payoffs. I HONESTLY don’t understand the reasons behind Molly murdering the priest, and the cliffhanger with Hannah brought a facepalm out of me. Sorry, but if I’m investing one hour and thirty-nine minutes into this film, I need to see an ending with a real bang, or a genuine shock. Random murders (I still can’t get over the priest. His death made no sense at all.), and Molly walking out into the night naked doesn’t cut it for me, not at all.

I wanted to like Lovely Molly, but it’s a very boring film. Was Sanchez trying to cover-up a muddled and shitty story with an overload of nudity and sex (more nudity than sex)? The story is an undecipherable mess, and I guess Sanchez tried to compensate with a plethora of nude shots featuring Lodge. It’s a real shame, because the cast gives a strong effort here (especially Gretchen Lodge). Lovely Molly had a lot of potential, but the slow grind to the end is torturous, and every revelation is a MAJOR disappointment.

Rating: 2/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Jack The Giant Slayer (2013)

**SPOILERS**

Sent on a simple mission from his uncle, Jack (Nicholas Hoult) is supposed to sell his horse for money to help his uncle’s farm. But when Jack finally reaches his destination, he’s persuaded by a peculiar offer from a strange monk. The monk agrees to exchange the horse for a rare set of magical beans. But Jack must promise to guard the magical beans, and keep them a secret. As Jack holds the bag of beans, the monk rides away on the horse in an attempt to escape the guards of Cloister.

Meanwhile, Princess Isabelle (Eleanor Tomlinson) dreads her pre-arranged marriage to Lord Roderick (Stanley Tucci). The king of Cloister, King Brahmwell (Ian McShane) trusts Lord Roderick, but unbeknownst to the king, Lord Roderick is planning a takeover of the Kingdom.

During one stormy night, Isabelle seeks refuge inside Jack’s house, while his uncle is away. Jack tries to control his nerves in the Princess’ presence, but he’ll have bigger problems to worry about. One bean slips through the cracks in the floor, and after a slight dab of water, the bean explodes into a giant beanstalk. Jack’s house is catapulted into the sky. Jack falls to the ground, but Isabelle is still stuck inside the house, as the beanstalk pushes her through the clouds.

Jack awakes to an angry King Brahmwell in the morning, and with a determination to save Isabelle, Jack joins the team of knights, who are sent to find the King’s daughter. Led by Elmont (Ewan McGregor) and his second in command, Crawe (Eddie Marsan), the search party climbs the beanstalk into a world of merciless giants.

Lord Roderick and his sniveling sidekick, Wicke (Ewen Bremner) decide to tag along, and with the help of a magical crown, Lord Roderick waits for the right moment to fulfill his diabolical conquest. Isabelle is at the mercy of Fallon (voiced by Bill Nighy & John Kassir- Nighy is the bigger head, and Kassir is the smaller head, or to be more clear, Nighy is the smart head, and Kassir is the dumb head), the two-headed leader of the giants. Time is running out, as Jack fights to rescue Isabelle, thwart Lord Roderick’s evil plans, and save the Kingdom Of Cloister from destruction.

Ian McShane delivers a strong, and for my money, the second most entertaining performance here, because the number one spot belongs to Ewan McGregor. McGregor really nails the cocky and charismatic knight persona. Nicholas Hoult is kind of dull in the leading role, though. Yes, I get the point of his character. He’s supposed to be the unlikely hero/common man, who must rise to the occasion, and find his courage. Still, Hoult’s performance just falls flat, and he’s carried by McGregor and CGI giants throughout the movie. Tomlinson is an attractive woman, but she’s horribly dull as Princess Isabelle. And Tucci is enjoyable, as the slimy traitor, who’ll do anything to gain control over Cloister.

Brian Singer delivers awe-inspiring visuals and wonder behind the camera, and an action-packed finale. I took a chance on the 3D version, and Singer was able to find the right balance for the 3D effects. Not too much, and the 3D never reaches the “well, this is pointless, they just did a 3D release for more money” not enough point. Cool 3D effects throughout the movie, and I don’t regret paying the extra cash.

For the most part, I enjoyed Jack The Giant Slayer, but the inconsistent tones for this film annoyed the shit of me. Is this supposed to be for kids? Or, are they trying to cater to a wider audience (kids, teenagers, adults)? Fallon’s throne is made of human bones, and the giants are portrayed as fearless monsters, who love to eat humans. And during the sporadic giant attacks throughout the movie, you’ll see brief glimpses of the CGI giants attacking, and in some cases, distant shots of giants trying to, and eating humans.

But Fallon’s smaller head behaves like a goofy child with mental problems. The giant chef, who tries to cook Elmont alive picks his nose and eats his boogers during the prep. And a sleeping giant, who’s guarding the entrance/exit to the giant’s world farts during his slumber. Jack The Giant Slayer strays into kiddy territory every now and then, and the tonal shifts are really annoying.

A lot of people blame Jack The Giant Slayer’s formulaic and predictable story, but the weak overall cast is the true Achilles heel. McShane, McGregor, and Tucci couldn’t overshadow Hoult’s dullness in the leading role, and yes, it’s problem, because Hoult’s character receives the bulk of the focus and screen time here. Isabelle is suppose to be a sympathetic character, but Tomlinson’s performance is unconvincing. Sorry, but when CGI giants (i.e. Fallon) are more entertaining and convincing than members of your human cast, you’ve got some serious problems.

Jack The Giant Slayer is adventurous and fun, and the final battle is loaded with thrills and good action. Yeah, it’s predictable, but what else can you expect from a film based on fairy tales? Good guys fight, bad guys fight harder, and crush the hopes of the good guys. But as always, the good guys band together in the end, and find a way to triumph over evil. Jack The Giant Slayer isn’t a ground-breaking film, but it’s a fun ride with a few good laughs here and there.

Rating: 5/10

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

I watched Olympus Has Fallen yesterday.

Overall I enjoyed it. I didn't think it was amazing or anything, but definitely entertaining. Gerard Butler does a good job mixing action with being a smart ass throughout. I do think they were missing something tying the opening situation in with the rest of the movie. I also feel they could've written how everything played out a little more climactically. Other than that, if you enjoy a good "one man against an army of terrorists," ala Die Hard, you should enjoy this movie.

*Spoiler*

Spoiler

My biggest gripe with the writing was how they got the child to safety so early in the movie. They really could've added more suspense into the story if he became a tool to be used against The President.

 

[JamJam]

The Croods
Release Date: March 22, 2013
Runtime: 98 Minutes​

I’m a big fan of animated films so this one caught my attention right away. Plus, it was released on my birthday so I went to go see it the day after. I went with my girlfriend and to no surprise the theater was filled with families and couples too. You can tell everyone was enjoying the movie because of the laughter heard from both the children and adults, it definitely added to the atmosphere in the theater.

The casting is impressive with Cage, Reynolds, and Stone leading the way playing the three most important roles in the movie. While I thought Reynolds was a tough pick to play the role of Guy, he surprised me and did well. Going into this, I thought Emma Stone would be the main character but as the movie progressed, it was more of Cage and Stone’s characters that really shined through.

Oh yeah, seeing it in 3D was great as well. The kids most especially were excited as their “ooohs” and “ahhhhs” were heard. The picture was great and while it didn’t present much color, there were scenes that were just amazing such as the starry night or when the family found a new place other than their caves, was quite a nice picture to see. The world that the Croods lived in was inhabited by such unique animals which I enjoyed personally. Although the movie started out a little slow, it definitely picked up after just a few minutes. The humor was there and delivered even if they were predictable, it still got a good laugh out of me and my girlfriend.

We all know that these types of movies come with an emotional side and it was seen in this movie. An overprotective father doing things the old way for the betterment of his family before a new way was found. Classic father/daughter tale as well. Good story, good action, good payoff.

The Croods isn’t as groundbreaking as movies produced before it such as Up, Shrek, Wall-E, and so on. It sends out a good message and that’s all we can really ask for. With the cast being quite diverse and star power-heavy, a lot of expectations can be sought for. Star for me had to be the characters of Cage and Stone, despite them being unusual voiceovers. Great movie to enjoy with the entire family. The kids will love the picture, colors, jokes, and the fact that it’s in 3D while the adults will have laugh as well and have fun seeing the smiles of their kids or loved ones.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Spring Breakers (2013)

**SPOILERS**

As spring break approaches, four teenage friends prepare to take a break from the college life with a trip to Florida. Candy (Vanessa Hudgens), Cotty (Rachel Korine), Faith (Selena Gomez), and Brit (Ashley Benson) have plans to wreak havoc in Florida, but things change, when Faith doesn’t have enough money to help cover the expenses. Candy, Brit, and Cotty decide to rob a restaurant, but Faith is a good, churchgoing person, so she doesn’t help with the robbery.

After picking up the cash, Candy, Brit, Cotty, and Faith finally make it to Florida. But after the cops raid a party filled with marijuana, cocaine, and alcohol, the friends are arrested and sent to jail. Two trusted twin associates give their boss the green light, so a local rapper named Alien (James Franco) posts the bail to free the girls. Alien (or “Al”) invites the girls into his world of crime, but Faith can’t adjust to the “gangster” lifestyle. And things become more complicated, when Al engages in a deadly feud with his former mentor turned rival, Archie (Gucci Mane).

Vanessa Hudgens and James Franco deliver the best performances here. Franco was just hilarious as Al, and you could tell he had a lot of fun with the character. Hudgens is the best gleeful and cocky bad girl (“get on yo’ muthafuckin knees!”) in the bunch, and Benson would be a good number two choice. Gomez was the ideal choice for the sweet and innocent teen, who wanted to do the right thing, and she really nailed the Faith character. I was tempted to put Gomez over Franco and Hudgens, but Gomez kind of disappears after Faith makes the decision to go back home. Gucci Mane is……well Gucci Mane. Just listen to his shitty music, and BAM! That’s his “character” in Spring Breakers.

And Jeff Jarrett has a cameo in this film. He plays the overzealous priest at Faith’s church, and it was an incredible mark out moment for me. Then again, I was probably the only person in the entire theater (not an exaggeration), who could identify Jarrett. I was in a theater with a lot of teenagers, so yeah.

If you’re not familiar (well, as most of you know, I didn’t even know, who the guy was until tdigle brought me up to speed about a month ago) with Harmony Korine’s work, and are easily offended , then you should stay away from Spring Breakers. I haven’t seen all of his films yet, but I’ve seen enough to know that Korine doesn’t sugar-coat, or hold anything back. You’ll see a lot, and I do mean A LOT of nudity in this film, sporadic sex scenes, drug use (smoking weed, snorting cocaine, etc.), and Korine spares no expense for explicit and vulgar dialogue.

Korine gives you an uncensored look at the chaotic and hardcore world of partying during spring break, and at the same time, Korine blends in his own form of raw social commentary. Candy, Cotty, and Brit represent the pack of today’s teens, who are influenced by the hip-hop culture. They want to be “hard” and rebellious, and break away from their mundane suburban lifestyles. But as the story develops, Faith and Cotty realize their mistakes. Faith and Cotty bit off more than they could chew so to speak, and they hopped on the first bus home, so they could go back to school.

And one question continued to pop in my mind throughout the movie: HOW IN THE FUCK DID THEY MANAGE AN R RATING FOR THIS???? Personally, I’ve seen worse, but Spring Breakers borders on NC-17 territory most of the time, and I’m pretty sure they’ll release the DVD/Blu-Ray as unrated or something along the lines of an “extreme edition.”

Spring Breakers is another of those “hate it or love it” films. I honestly can’t imagine too many people having a middle ground with this film, but I loved Spring Breakers. Plenty of laughs, bloody violence, and Korine’s hypnotic style behind the camera is simply mesmerizing (especially during the big shootout at the end). The rock solid cast pulls everything together, and Spring Breakers features my third favorite James Franco performance (#1 127 Hours, #2 Spider-Man 2).

Rating: 8/10

 

[JamJam]

G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Release Date: March 28, 2013
Runtime: 110 Minutes​

***MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS***

The hype surrounding this movie was big as it can be considered the first movie at the early stages of summer. And with good reason too. The cast was pretty solid with Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson but they added in Bruce Willis in as well. Going into it, you just had to know that the storylines were going to be predictable and that it'll be much like the first film. And well...it was.

Duke (Channing Tatum) was in the movie for about ten minutes before his role was killed off in an explosion, leaving 3 Joes left in Roadblock, Flint, and Lady Jaye. The whole storyline was very predictable and was painful to watch at times because of knowing what would happen next. So in short, the storyline was weak and pretty much the same as the first movie with them trying to destory nuclear warheads.

The cast seemed to be competent but in actuality, Dwayne Johnson probably delivered the best performance of the entire cast, and that's really saying something. Haven't seen much of Palicki and there were probably better choices than her to play Lady Jaye but she was decent. Seeing her in a red dress made my mouth drop. Tatum and Johnson had some good chemistry together which is why I was disappointed that Tatum died very early in the movie. Even with the addition of Bruce Willis, he didn't add too much to the movie. He had limited time in the entire movie, which is expected especially in some of his recent movies where he isn't the star. Felt like he was just there for a longer cameo than usual.

Watching it in 3D was a good experience and the movie didn't suffer from it. The action scenes were decent but not really ground-breaking. The only thing to take note of was the ninja fight, that was pretty awesome. The fight Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow was probably my favorite part so you can look forward to that. Other than that, the explosions, interaction with the enemy, everything of the sort were decent at best.

If you enjoyed the first film, you'll enjoy the second one. While both aren't that great, they still have some good moments. The best part again was probably the fight between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow, that scene really stole the movie. If you don't expect much from this movie, then you'll really like it. Judging by the events of the movie, there will be a third movie which I'm not too fussed about but will check it out when it eventually comes out.

Rating: 5/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

G.I. Joe Retaliation was better than the first film, easily. A fun popcorn flick with lots of high octane action sequences, and the 3D effects were impressive, but as a whole, the movie didn't blow me away. Rock was solid, but yeah, I actually wanted to see more of Bruce Willis. Willis was the ideal pick for the grizzled veteran, but Adrianne Palicki was just eye candy as usual. Willis, Rock, and Ray Stevenson helped elevate the cast. I didn't miss Tatum, and thankfully, I didn't have to see Marlon Wayans this time around.

No surprise they're giving the green light for another G.I. Joe film, but I'll probably wait for the DVD this time around.

5/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

I watched Olympus Has Fallen yesterday.

Overall I enjoyed it. I didn't think it was amazing or anything, but definitely entertaining. Gerard Butler does a good job mixing action with being a smart ass throughout. I do think they were missing something tying the opening situation in with the rest of the movie. I also feel they could've written how everything played out a little more climactically. Other than that, if you enjoy a good "one man against an army of terrorists," ala Die Hard, you should enjoy this movie.

*Spoiler*

Spoiler

My biggest gripe with the writing was how they got the child to safety so early in the movie. They really could've added more suspense into the story if he became a tool to be used against The President.

Saw this last night, and I loved it. I agree Gerard was Bruce Willis/Die Hard-esque in this film: aka a cocky tough guy with a smart-ass sense of humor. If you EVER needed anymore proof Butler should stick to action, just watch this film. It's his bread and butter, there's no denying it. Gerard got his man card back with this one film. Now please Gerard, for the love of God stay away from the shitty romantic comedies.

But yeah, Olympus was full of exhilarating and brutal, bloody action. Good stuff, if you're looking a fun and mindless action flick to watch. As far as the spoiler goes, yeah it was kind of a bummer.

Spoiler

The President's son, Connor (or code name "spark plug") was supposed to be the major form of leverage for the lead terrorist. Once he captured the President's son, he would be forced to give up the final code for control over the US's nukes. His plan (the lead terrorist) was to torture the president's son, forcing the president to give up the final code. But Gerard rescues the kid halfway through the film, and the lead terrorist finds a way to control the nukes anyway? Yeah, the "twist" just reeked of a massive gap in logic for the story. Then again, Olympus Has Fallen wasn't trying to be different, so I guess you have to expect that.

6/10

 

[Cena's Little Helper]

Evil Dead (2013)​

Synopsis: In order to cleanse herself of a debilitating heroin addiction, Mia, along with her friends Eric and Olivia, her brother David, and David's girlfriend Natalie, retreat to Mia's family's cabin. Upon arriving, they discover that the cabin has been broken into and that there's an extremely nasty smell emanating from the cellar. If you've seen the original The Evil Dead, you know what object they find down there. If you haven't seen the original film, then go into this one knowing as little as possible.

Analysis: Although suffering from some minor flaws, Evil Dead is the best horror remake/reboot to come out since 2006's The Hills Have Eyes. This feat is even more impressive when you consider that this is Uruguayan director Fede Alvarez's first feature-length film. As of right now, I don't want to get into the details of my two problems with this film, but I'll say that they could have been easily overcome with a little bit of CGI and a little bit more creativity in regards to the screenplay (I'll gladly discuss these points further once one or two other people on here have commented on the film).

Evil Dead pulls absolutely no punches and it is not, I repeat NOT, for the squeamish. It begins with a terrifying and gory prologue and the terror and gore remain dormant for only about 10-15 minutes while the audience is introduced to the film's main characters. Evil Dead knows what its purpose is, it gets right to the heart of the matter, and it's the type of reboot that horror fans dream of. If you've been waiting for this film, you will not be disappointed; the payoff is immensely rewarding.

Score: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The best horror remake/reboot since The Hills Have Eyes? 8/10? Now you really have me foaming at the mouth to see this tomorrow! For some strange reason, the barrage of negative reviews worried me today, but then again, most mainstream critics despise horror films, especially a nasty and violent film like this.

Not as exciting and fresh as Tdigs and the Evil Dead 2013, but.....

That's My Boy (2012)

**SPOILERS**

As a thirteen year old, Donny Berger (Justin Weaver) pursues a crush, which happens to be his teacher Mary McGarricle (Eva Amuri Martino). To his surprise, Ms. McGarricle pulls Donny into a private room during detention to have sex with him. After a few dates, Donny impregnates Ms. McGarricle. Ms. McGarricle is sent off to jail for a thirty year sentence, and Donny’s father is forced to care for the unborn child until Donny turns eighteen. Donny names his son Han Solo Berger, and Donny becomes a pop icon during the 80’s and early to mid 90’s. But once Han Solo turned eighteen, he abandoned his father, determined to never see him again.

In 2012, Donny (Adam Sandler) is a washed-up bum with no money, who’s stuck in deep debt with just about everyone. Donny’s lawyer, Jim (Rex Ryan) gives him the deadline for a payment of forty-three thousand dollars in back-taxes to the IRS. Donny must find a way to come up with the money, or he’s going to face some serious jail time. With no one else to turn to, Donny accidentally spots his long-lost son on a magazine cover for prestigious upcoming weddings. Donny secretly hatches a plan to trick Han Solo into a reality show meeting with his mother in jail. A sleazy and shameless TV show host named Randall Morgan (Dan Patrick) agrees to pay Donny fifty thousand dollars, if Donny can bring Han Solo and his mother face to face in prison. Now an older woman and cutoff from the outside world, Mary (Susan Sarandon) is unaware of Donny’s plan, as she awaits his upcoming visit.

But Han Solo isn’t quick to welcome his father with open arms. To hide the shame and embarrassment, Han Solo came up with a story about his parents dying in an explosion, and he changed his name. Now a successful businessman, Todd Peterson (Andy Samberg) is about to marry his fiancée, Jamie (Leighton Meester). But the peaceful wedding planning takes a turn for the worst, when Donny suddenly shows up to crash the ceremonies. The wedding is days away, and in an attempt to save face and keep his secret, Todd introduces Donny as an old friend to Jamie’s family. Donny tries to trick Todd into visiting his mother for the reality show, but Todd is still bitter about his miserable and damaged childhood. Donny gets some help from his friend Vanilla Ice, but he’ll have to outsmart a suspicious Jamie, Todd, and Jamie’s crazy Marine brother, Chad (Milo Ventimiglia). And Donny has to close the deal quickly, or he will lose everything.

Character wise, Adam Sandler is someone, who you can usually root for. In Billy Madison, I wanted him to graduate, get the diploma, and taker over his father’s company, because Bradley Whitford’s character was such a slimy asshole. I wanted him to succeed in Happy Gilmore. In the Waterboy, you could get behind Bobby, because he was bullied, and I wanted him to kick some ass and fight back. In Big Daddy, I rooted for Sandler to become a man, and take care of his responsibilities. And this breaks the trend I’m on right now, but in Anger Management, Sandler was a wimp, who couldn’t stand up for himself, so of course, I rooted for him to find his courage. Bottom line, Sandler is usually an immature douchebag in most of his movies…..but he’s a likeable immature douchebag. I can’t say the same thing about Donny. He’s such an unlikable, and more importantly, unfunny douche.

Like Sandler, Andy Samberg tries way too hard in this film, and he’s just not funny. Susan Sarandon is pretty good, and for some reason, her character is wearing an 80’s style Hulk Hogan shirt in prison. Unfortunately, old Mary only has the one prison scene. Dan Patrick brought a few chuckles out of me, as the narcissistic TV personality. Vanilla Ice is just horrendous. He tries to poke fun at himself throughout the movie, and it’s just painful to watch. Leighton Meester is just eye candy. Although, she has a few moments as the psychotic and obsessive, controlling bitch. And Sandler’s buddies fill up the majority of the supporting cast. If you’ve seen most of Sandler’s films, you should know, who I’m talking about. Of course, Nick Swardson is here. He plays Sandler’s weird and perverted loser friend, who stalks around the local strip club. And no, he’s not funny at all.

That’s My Boy pulls out all the stops: incest, gross-out gags, *********ion gags, raunchy sex jokes, and vulgar, over the top douchebaggery. Oh, and they actually used the “wazzzzuuuuup!” from the old Budweiser commercials as a running gag throughout this film. Overkill is a big problem in That’s My Boy. After the first fifteen minutes, the jokes lose a lot of steam. It’s kind of hard to produce more shocked reactions, when you start off the movie with an inappropriate teacher/student relationship, and constantly piling on a bunch of immature frat boy style gags every five minutes doesn’t help anything.

Don’t be fooled by Sandler’s trip into raunchy R rated territory. He’s not doing something different. It’s the same old tired and boring shtick you’ve seen for years. He’s just more vulgar and nasty in this movie, that’s it. I tried really hard to laugh at That’s My Boy, but I couldn’t 90% of the time. It’s just an awful film, and Sandler continues to sink lower with each passing year. Ugh, this is what happens, when I stay up late, and watch some random movie on Starz.

Rating: 1/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Jane Levy is an easy pick for the best performance here. Mia is innocent and fragile at first, but once the possession kicks in, Levy transforms into a diabolical and dangerous hellcat. Rest of the cast was solid enough, but Fernandez’s character annoyed the shit of me.

And what a debut for director Fede Alvarez. Think of all the pressure for making the first Evil Dead film in years. Alvarez didn’t just live up to the hype, he knocked it out of the park with a grand slam here. If I’m not mistaken, the girl burning alive is the only true CGI moment here. Alvarez didn’t flood this film with a barrage of flashy and glossy CGI effects, and that’s a good thing. The gruesome and bloody gore has a stronger sense of realism, and I’m overjoyed Alvarez didn’t take The Thing 2011 approach for special effects. Oh, and Alvarez brought back the demon POV of maneuvering through the woods before an attack. Good stuff.

The Evil Dead 2013 is more serious than the original films, especially Evil Dead 2 and Army Of Darkness. No hokey humor, and the overall tone of the film is darker. And Tdigle isn't joking about the seriousness for the violence and bloody brutality in this film. The Evil Dead 2013 is loaded with tons of gruesome gore, sadistic violence and torture, lots of, and I do mean LOTS OF blood, and you’ll see plenty of “hard to watch” moments throughout this film. The Evil Dead remake is not for the weak at heart, and you really should avoid this one, if you’re the squeamish type.

The Evil Dead 2013 is the best horror film I’ve seen so far this year, and it’s not even close. A damn good remake/reboot, that should satisfy fans of the originals, and horror fans, who love nasty and bloody gore. I love this film, and I can’t wait for the DVD!

Rating: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Well, after doing more research, apparently the new Evil Dead is a SEQUEL:

Director Fede Alvarez dropped a bomb on WonderCon audiences during an Evil Dead panel this Sunday in the Anaheim convention center n California.

Back when the red band trailer had been released, We had pointed out some interesting imagery that suggested that maybe the new Evil Dead, in theaters April 5, was actually a sequel. Alvarez confirmed this to the WonderCon crowd, while also adding something major.

He told audiences that an Evil Dead 2 (followed by a planned Evil Dead 3), and the recently announced Army of Darkness 2, will eventually crossover for the ultimate cult horror movie Evil Dead 7, reports Movieweb. So, after two sequels to the current remake – the remake universe will collide with the old “Ash” universe in a film that will amount to be the 4th installment in both franchises.

At this time, Sam Raimi and his brother Ivan Raimi are working on the screenplay for Army of Darkness 2, which will continue the story of Ash as seen in the original The Evil Dead from 1981. While Fede Alvarez might have been joking, suggests the site, who was on hand for the panel, he seemed serious when he said he plans to join both his new franchise together with Sam Raimi’s old franchise.

AWESOME! Alvarez needs to return as director, but it's going to be hard to top this film. They definitely set the bar high, IMO, but I'll hope for the best either way.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

**SPOILERS**

One night during the Christmas season, a woman falls from a rooftop after a struggle with an unknown attacker. The woman bursts into flames before crashing to the ground, and an eccentric vagrant named Ricky (Clint Howard) inspects the burning corpse, but he’s scared off by the police.

Kim (Neith Hunter) is an ambitious and frustrated journalist, who’s tired of being held down by the men at her job. Kim insists on doing the story for the burning woman’s death, but instead, her boss, Eli (Reggie Bannister) gives the assignment to her boyfriend/co-worker, Hank (Tommy Hinkley). Driven by anger and a determination to prove all of her male superiors wrong, Kim decides to do the story with some secret sleuthing.

At a local bookstore, Kim meets the owner, Fima (Maud Adams), who directs her to a book on spontaneous combustion. After a hostile interaction with Ricky, Fima urges Kim to study the occult, but she refuses. Soon enough, Fima invites Kim to join her and friends at a picnic in the park, and Kim agrees. Kim’s erratic behavior creates problems at work, but Kim receives support from her co-worker, neighbor, and one trustworthy friend, Janice (Allyce Beasley). At the picnic, Kim meets Katherine (Jeanne Bates) and Jane (Marjean Holden). During the picnic, Kim unknowingly drinks drugged wine.

After the picnic in the park, a series of bizarre incidents and bug infestations disrupt Kim’s life. Kim’s relationship with Hank deteriorates after a dinner with his father, Gus (Ben Slack) his mother, Ann (Laurel Lockhart), and young brother, Lonnie (Conan Yuzna). But a strained first meeting with Hank’s parents is the least of Kim’s worries. After piecing together the clues, and developing a strong hatred for all men, Kim learns a series of shocking secrets: Fima, Katherine, and Jane are actually witches, who are determined to live a life free of men. Janice is a witch, and she’s apart of Fima’s clan, and Janice helped with the planning for Kim’s initiation into Fima’s group of witches.

Ricky is a loyal servant to Fima, and Ricky is sent to help Kim in the final stage of her initiation. During a struggle, Ricky kills Hank, who was just trying to protect Kim. Distraught, and with no other options for an escape, Fima gives Kim one last order to complete the process: Kim must sneak into Lonnie’s house, kidnap him, and murder Lonnie during a ritual sacrifice on Christmas night. Kim must complete the task, or she will burn to death like Fima’s daughter, who was too “weak” to complete her mission.

Hunter is decent enough in the leading role, but her character is so stupid (more on that later). Maud Adams’ cold “you’ll be sorry, if you don’t obey me” stares are spot on, but Adams’ performance suffers, when she opens her mouth. Ben Slack is good for a few laughs, as the sexist and racist old codger, but his screen time is limited. And Clint Howard delivers the best performance. Howard is genuinely creepy and strange, and the filthy homeless guy look really pulls everything together. The rest of the supporting cast ranges from mediocre to awful with Allyce Beasley giving the most noteworthy performance in the bunch.

Initiation is the most disgusting, violent, and obscene film in the Silent Night, Deadly Night franchise, easily. The bugs, the hanging body on meat hooks in a meat locker, burning corpses, and the nastiness coming from Kim’s transformations. This is a repulsive horror flick, that features a good amount of violence, gore, and a rape scene. Part four isn’t a brainless and cheesy slasher, and I know I say this a lot, but you should avoid this one, if you‘re the squeamish type.

Every time I decide to watch Initiation, the obvious twist and turns don’t bother me too much, but Kim’s stupidity? That’s another problem. Kim is so gullible and foolish. “Fima’s giving me a slimy bug to eat? Hmmm. I don’t know what it is, and it could kill me, but I’ll eat it anyway!” “The bug is making me sick, and Fima clearly poisoned my cup of tea right in front of me, but to hell with it, I’m going to drink it anyway!” Ugh. Fima’s “plans” are so easy to telegraph, but Kim constantly falls for her schemes every time. And of course, Kim realizes she made a mistake AFTER Ricky murders Hank, and Fima pressures her to kill Lonnie. Yeah, because clearly the woman, who drugs you, forces you to eat insects, and locks you inside a meat locker isn’t planning something diabolical.

Initiation is the Season Of The Witch for the Silent Night franchise. With the exception of a brief clip on TV from Better Watch Out! before Hank’s murder, Initiation comeplelty ignores the storylines in Part I, II, and III. And they comeplelty drop the killer Santa Claus theme here. No Ricky, no Billy, and no other maniacs running around in Santa suits. It’s a refreshing change, because truth be told, the killer Santa stuff ran its course in the second film, and the well dried up in Part 3 by keeping Ricky alive. As far as ignoring the other storylines goes, meh. Never bothered me, when I watched this film for the first time years ago, and it still doesn’t bother me today. As I said before, the Ricky and Billy stuff ran its course in Part 3. They milked each storyline beyond a salvageable point, and it was time for something new.

The cast isn’t special, Initiation is the second straight-to-video film in the franchise, and the giant ladybug in Kim’s apartment looks like a cheap toy (gotta see it to believe it). But I still enjoy Initiation. It’s darker and more creepy than the original films, and some scenes are guaranteed to make your skin crawl. The Silent Night franchise tried to give the fans something different, and I actually appreciate the bold changes.

Rating: 5/10

 

[i'm a cm punk girl]

i just watched The Incredible Burt Wonderstone online.

it is a fun family oriented film. Jim Carrey is doin' his THING that only he can pull off And BTW, Olivia is smokin' hot as usual!

fu** the critics!

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)

**SPOILERS**

During the month of December, a young Derek Quinn (William Thorne) anxiously awaits Christmas Day. One night, Derek picks up a gift wrapped package from a mysterious stranger. Derek’s father, Tom (Van Quattro) takes the package from Derek, while lecturing him about the dangers of opening the door for strangers. Derek hides on the staircase, while Tom unwraps the package. Inside, Tom finds a Santa Claus ornament. But it’s not an ordinary ornament. The head spins around to reveal the face of a more sinister Santa Claus with fangs. Sparks fly, and the ornament uses its rubber tentacles to strangle Tom. During the struggle with the ornament, Tom falls into a fireplace poker, and is killed on impact. Derek’s mother, Sarah (Jane Higginson) rushes downstairs to find the body of her dead husband, while Derek sits on the steps in a stunned silence.

Two weeks later, Derek is stuck in a mute phase, and his erratic behavior continues to get worse. In attempt to cheer him up, Sarah takes Derek to the local toy store to buy him a gift. Petto’s Toys is run by the owner, Joe Petto (Mickey Rooney), who occasionally receives help from his awkward teenage son, Pino (Brian Bemer). Pino has an obsession for making masks, and Joe is a depressed and angry alcoholic. Joe is consumed by the recent failures in profits for his store, and Joe takes all of his frustrations out on Pino. After witnessing the death of his father, Derek develops a fear of all toys and Santa Claus, so he refuses to accept any gifts from Petto’s Toys.

Meanwhile, Derek and Sarah are unknowingly stalked by a man named Noah (Tracy Fraim). Noah recently left the Army, but he’s struggling to pay his bills, and Noah is forced to take a job as a shopping mall Santa. One day, Noah tries to learn some more information from Derek during an unexpected visit at the mall. But Sarah snatches Derek from Noah’s lap, as Noah becomes more aggressive and persistent. Sarah seeks advice and help from her neighbor and best friend, Kim (Neith Hunter), but Kim’s rebellious and rowdy son, Lonnie (Conan Yuzna) doesn’t help the situation.

The night before Christmas Eve, Sarah takes one final shot at cheering up a silent Derek by allowing him to open an early Christmas present from Petto’s. The present was another gift from the mysterious stranger, but Sarah never suspected any foul play, because she was convinced Kim left the present for Derek. Derek is still tormented by the death of his father, so he throws the present of roller-skates in the trash. Lonnie sees an easy opportunity, and he steals the skates from the trashcan. But the roller-skates are actually rocket powered. And during a harmless test run, the skates malfunction, and Lonnie is hit by a car.

Eventually, Noah corners Sarah in a long awaited face to face meeting on Christmas Eve. Noah tells Sarah the story of how Joe Petto became a bitter and hateful man after losing his wife and unborn son in a tragic car accident. Petto created a series of toys equipped with lethal weapons, because if he couldn’t have a happy, normal family, then nobody else would either. Unbeknownst to Derek, Noah is his real father, but Sarah wanted a real man, who could provide a secure future for Derek and herself, so she married Tom. Noah went to the Army to become a man, and now he wants to be a father for Derek.

While Noah reconnects with Sarah, Derek is alone with the babysitter, Meredith (Amy L. Taylor) and her boyfriend, Buck (Eric Welch). Meredith and Buck are trying to have sex, but they’re attacked by an army of Petto’s toys, and Derek is kidnapped by Joe Petto in a Santa suit, who uses a red bag to abduct Derek. Eventually, Sarah and Noah arrive at Sarah’s house. As Noah tries to comfort a bloody and hysterical Meredith, Sarah rushes to Petto’s Toys to save her only son. Noah eventually makes it to the toy store, but he’s forced to fight off Petto’s lethal toys. Sarah sneaks into the basement to find the real Joe Petto’s dead body, and here, she learns the truth from Pino: Pino is actually a robot built by Joe. Joe couldn’t handle the heartbreak of losing his wife and son, so he created a robot imitation of his dream child. But during his drunken rages, Joe would break Pino, because Pino wasn‘t a “real son.” After the latest incident, Pino murdered Joe. He made a mask to resemble his father’s face, and after that, he broke into Sarah’s house to kidnap Derek. But Pino’s work isn’t finished. Desperately seeking a mother’s love, Pino plans to kill Derek, and become Sarah’s one and only real son.

Of course, Mickey Rooney is the only recognizable name from this cast. Petto is an innocent old man in front of Sarah and his customers, but he’s an angry, drunken asshole to his son. As the raging drunk, Rooney’s performance is cheesy and over the top, and Rooney throws in this horrible sinister laugh during a fight with Pino towards the end. Rooney isn’t terrible, but his loony codger act is painful to watch at times. Although, Mickey Rooney taking a part in this film is kind of odd and ironic. Rooney was one of the many people, who publicly condemned the original Silent Night film, writing a letter to producers expressing his disgust and disappointment.

Jane Higginson is decent enough. Technically, Derek is the main character. But William Throne only speaks at the very beginning, and towards the end of the film. Throne’s performance is limited to scrunching facial expressions of fear and distress. And while Derek is trying to communicate, Sarah takes center stage as the primary protagonist. Anyway, Tracy Fraim’s Noah is dull and forced. Brian Bemer is spot on, as the creepy and eccentric loyal son, especially during the final showdown, when Pino reveals his true robot form. Neith Hunter is okay, but to be fair, her character is shoved into the background this time around. She’s the one woman support system for Sarah, and Conan Yuzna’s Lonnie is a rebellious troublemaker here. Oh, and Clint Howard (Ricky, the homeless servant from Initiation) has a brief cameo, as one of Noah’s Santa co-workers at the mall.

Well, the Toy Maker is the second stand alone film in the Silent Night franchise. After Ricky murdered Gus and Ann, Kim becomes Lonnie’s legal guardian, and they’re next door neighbors to Sarah and Derek. But The Toy Maker doesn’t make an effort to connect anything to Initiation. Ricky’s out of left field cameo doesn‘t fit within the current story. Kim and Lonnie’s characters actually have an impact on the current story, and Kim actually alludes to her bizarre encounter with Fima’s witch clan in part four, but she doesn’t go into details. So unless you actually watched Initiation, you wouldn‘t have the knowledge for the origins of Kim, Ricky, and Lonnie, because The Toy Maker doesn’t make an effort to provide a backstory for each character. Kim, Lonnie, and Ricky’s appearances in this film are more of a “remember them!” wink for die hard Silent Night fans, and it’s as simple as that.

The Toy Maker tries to return to the cheesy and over the top roots of the first two films. The dialogue, the violence, the music, the antagonists (Joe and Pino), and the story. They tried to resurrect the campy 80’s charm in The Toy Maker, but the efforts are too hit-and-miss for my taste. A prime example of the worst case for misses is when Buck insults Lonnie during a verbal duel one night. Lonnie does his best to get under Buck’s skin, and Buck responds with this: “I eat kids like you for breakfast! That’s why my shit smells so bad!” And trust me, this isn’t the only cringeworthy attempt at humor throughout this film. But on the flip-side of that, The Toy Maker is capable of providing a few cheap laughs. Towards the very end, Pino removes his Santa suit, and praises Joe’s work: “My father could make anything.” Pino looks down to see no male genitalia: “Well, almost anything.”

Too many tonal shifts are a real problem for The Toy Maker. I mean, lethal toys (rubber snake, mechanical hand, tanks, small soldiers, mini airplanes, etc.) are attacking people, so of course you’re not suppose to take this film too seriously. But you’ll see a good amount of blood here (mainly during the big toy assault on Meredith and Buck, and Meredith running out of the house as a bloody mess), and there’s a creepy attempted rape scene during the final minutes of this one. Pino is trying to rape Sarah, and he can’t (for obvious reasons), but still, he won’t give up. And Pino constantly shouts “I love you mommy,” while trying to rape Sarah. It’s not funny, and I’m 90% sure it wasn’t supposed to be a serious attempted rape. It’s just an awkward and weird moment to sit through, and this scene really doesn’t fit within The Toy Maker’s goofy lighthearted atmosphere. Then again, just a few moments before the Pino and Sarah scene, Pino (still wearing the Joe mask) attacks Noah with a small, plastic toy gun, loaded with some kind of corrosive material.

They had an opportunity to make something out of Pino’s struggle to understand and feel human emotions, but it was a case of too little, too late. They spent SO much time trying to unravel the mystery of the mysterious stranger, who delivers lethal toys, and revealing Noah’s backstory. They tried to cram in the machines connecting to the real world dynamic, but we don’t hear Pino’s speech until the end. The mystery of “is Noah a good guy or bad guy?” eats up too much time, because Noah’s true intentions are revealed during The Toy Maker’s home stretch. You would think Noah giving his landlord a toy for his son in exchange for a delayed rent payment was the first sign of Noah possibly trying to help, or working for Joe. As Noah hands his landlord the toy, that eventually kills him, Noah says “it’s to die for.” Noah KNEW something was wrong with the toy, but towards the end he’s fighting to save Sarah, Derek, and take down Pino for good? That’s a HUGE black hole for logic.

Sub-par cast, below average production values, and a predictable “through the motions” story. Yeah, The Toy Maker can’t rise above the normal straight-to-video horror standards. And The Toy Maker wasn’t the resurrection film for this franchise, because Better Watch Out! buried the Silent Night film series into a deep hole. Initiation disrupted the continuity, and truth be told, Part 2 was a shitty film.

But I enjoy The Toy Maker as a guilty pleasure. The gaps in logic irritate me every time, and you can’t ignore a few noticeable plot holes, but as I said before, The Toy Maker isn’t trying to be a smart horror film (unlike one of its predecessors, Better Watch Out! Which failed miserably on almost every level). Toys are attacking people, and Mickey Rooney’s kooky parody style performance is a shining example of The Toy Maker’s silliness. All in all, The Toy Maker is dumb fun, and another guilty pleasure in the Silent Night franchise. It’s not a great, or good finale, though. And of course, this was the end of the line for the Silent Night franchise, until the remake hit during Christmas time last year.

Rating: 5/10

 

[i'm a cm punk girl]

This movie is a Cool combination of the original Wizard of Oz and Tom & Jerry's Hijinks. I love the Funny Things Tom and Jerry go through to keep Dorothy safe in Kansas.

 

[dukes07]

It's been awhile but I have seen a bunch of movies lately:

Mummy-8/10. Great movie
Mummy Returns-7.5/10
Mummy 3-7/10

Raiders of the Lost Ark-9/10
Temple of Doom-8/10
Last Crusade-9/10
Crystal Skull-8/10

Star Trek: Search for Spock 7.5/10

GI Joe Retaliation-6/10. Shitty first half but the second half was much better.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Lords Of Salem (2013)

**SPOILERS**

In Salem, Massachusetts, Heidi (Sheri Moon Zombie) works as a DJ at the local radio station. With her trusted friends, Herman “Whitey” Salvador (Jeff Daniel Phillips) and Herman “Munster” Jackson (Ken Foree), Heidi is apart of Salem’s hottest gothic rock radio team. Heidi is a recovering drug addict, who’s trying to turn her life around, but the delivery of a mysterious record from a band named “The Lords” changes everything. Heidi and other women slip into a zombified trance, when The Lords’ record is played across the airwaves, and Heidi can’t shake the lasting effects from the strange tunes.

Back at her apartment complex, Heidi encounters a series of strange disturbances from an unknown tenant in apartment five. Heidi’s landlord doesn’t find any signs of foul play, but Heidi slowly descends into madness, as the evil presence from The Lords’ record consumes her. Francis Matthias (Bruce Davison), an author and expert on the Salem witch trials, is a guest on Heidi’s radio show one day. And after examining The Lords’ record, Francis decides to investigate The Lords, and do more research on Heidi‘s past.

As Heidi relapses into drug abuse, Francis studies Heidi’s family tree. Heidi’s real last name is Hawthorne, and Heidi is a descendant of Reverend Johnathan Hawthorne (Andrew Prine). Jonathan Hawthorne played a crucial role in destroying an entire coven of witches during the Salem witch trials, but he was cursed by the leader of the clan. The curse would fall on a descendant of Hawthorne, who would lead the modern-day clan of Salem witches…….and Heidi is the descendant. Heidi’s landlord and her two friends share bloodline ties to Salem witches of the past. Heidi’s landlord and her friends carefully and secretly plotted to initiate Heidi into their clan, but Francis and Herman Whitey suspect something fishy, as Heidi continues to sink into a deeper hole. Heidi will have to face the horrors in apartment five, and the possibility of leading the modern-day Salem Witches.

Sheri Moon Zombie isn’t a horrendous actress. She gets a lot of flak for constantly appearing in her husband’s films, and a lot of the hate is unnecessary. Is she a great actress? No. Is she the type of actress, who can elevate a film with her performance? No, no she’s not. But Sheri is capable of delivering decent and solid performances. It’s one thing if you’re tired of seeing Sheri in Rob’s movies, but she’s not an unbearable abomination of an actress, who couldn‘t “act her way out of a paper bag“ so to speak. Also, Rob Zombie isn’t blind, and he doesn’t live under a rock. He has to know about the criticisms surrounding his decisions to constantly re-cast Sheri in all of his movies. But Sheri keeps popping up regardless. Honestly, I’ve seen enough interviews with Zombie, and he doesn’t strike me as the type of person, who would care about the complaints.

Anyway, in The Lords Of Salem, Sheri is kind of dull as Heidi at first, but she shows more personality during Heidi’s downward spiral. Sheri’s Heidi isn’t an Oscar worthy performance, but she’s believable, and I could feel sympathy for her character. Daniel Phillips is just there, you won’t see too much of Ken Foree, and the group of women, who portrayed the modern-day witches trying to seduce Heidi brought too many unintentional laughs (more on that later) out of me.

Rob Zombie is and always will be one of my favorite filmmakers. I admire and respect his passion and enthusiasm for the horror genre. As usual, Zombie spares no expense for blood and brutality. The Lords Of Salem is guaranteed to make you squirm, and you’ll know you’re in for a sick and twisted ride after the opening satanic ritual. Zombie delivers a few jump scares every now and then (the first in Heidi’s apartment with the witch corpse hanging in the far corner of the kitchen is the best one), and he creates the perfect spooky atmosphere (mainly during flashbacks to old Salem). I don’t own any of his albums, but Zombie’s selected soundtrack is a good fit for The Lords Of Salem. It’s not too distracting, but at the same time, the music helps set the right mood for each scene. Also, Zombie’s retro style intro for Heidi and The Herman’s radio show was pretty cool, because the intro looked and felt like an authentic throwback to the 70’s.

The Lords Of Salem uses the slow burn technique to unravel its story, and you have to figure out a lot of major plot points, because Lords doesn’t provide any clear cut answers for the motivations of the main characters. I actually enjoyed the methodical pacing. Heidi’s downfall feels more devastating, because you see each step leading up to the ending. I was hooked into the mystery surrounding Heidi and the Salem witches…..until the ending. The ending feels rushed, and Zombie’s clusterfuck cramming of images during the finale almost gave me a headache. I anxiously anticipated the grand finale, but the third act was a disappointing and clustered mess.

Also, Heidi’s landlord and her friends are supposed to be kooky crones. I get that, but man they almost ruined this move for me. In the early stages of the movie, one of the witches is so hysterical and over the top during a palm reading for Heidi. This lunatic act wasn’t funny or creepy, it was just too much. And towards the end, as Heidi’s landlord and her friends plan to kill Francis before he warns Heidi, Heidi’s landlord and her friends start taunting Francis. The insults towards Francis veer into campy territory too often, and this scene just brought a deep, disappointed sigh out of me.

Plus, Zombie’s “it was just a dream!” trick loses its shock factor towards the end. Throughout the movie, Heidi has dreams of attacks from dark forces. The dark forces also attack her friends, and Heidi believes everything is real, but then she wakes up. Zombie uses this trick more than once, and towards the end, Heidi’s dream sequences lose the intended shock factor.

You’ll see a lot of female nudity throughout this film, but don’t start drooling now, because you shouldn’t get your hopes up too high. A VERY select few (Sheri and another, couldn’t find her name) are supposed to be attractive and naked. The others? Eh, not so much, because the other nude scenes occur during the satanic ritual stuff. So yeah, use your imagination.

The Lords Of Salem is a bizarre and trippy horror film loaded with grisly images, and sadistic brutality. The cast isn’t great, and the third act is a big mess, but I’m still going with a positive score for this one. For good and bad reasons, you will not forget The Lords Of Salem. Salem is shocking, and Zombie’s unrestrained approach is guaranteed to bring a reaction out of you. It’s not my favorite Zombie film (Halloween 2007 is still #1, and no, I don‘t have a problem with Zombie explaining the origins of Michael Myers), but The Lords Of Salem earned a spot on my list of memorable moviegoing experiences this year.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Pain & Gain (2013)

**SPOILERS**

In 1990’s South Florida, Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a bodybuilder, who’s tired of being a nobody. Broke, and working a dead end job as a fitness trainer at the Sun Gym, Daniel convinces his steroid junkie friend, Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) to pull off a kidnapping that will solve all of their problems. Daniel is motivated by Johnny Wu’s (Ken Jeong) seminar, and Wu’s pep talk as a motivational speaker gives Daniel the extra push he was looking for. After recruiting Paul Doyle (The Rock), a born-again Christian, who’s fresh out of jail, Daniel puts together the perfect plan. Daniel, Paul, and Adrian kidnap Victor Kershaw (Tony Shalhoub), a “self-made” millionaire and one of Paul’s clients at the Sun Gym.

After days of torture and beatings, Victor finally signs over all of his assets to Daniel and his gang. And Daniel receives some help from his boss, John (Rob Corddry), who has the license to notarize all the paperwork. Daniel moves into Victor’s house. Adrian marries Ramona (Rebel Wilson), the one woman, who stood by him during his erectile dysfunction problems, and Adrian uses his share of the money to buy a new house. Paul is consumed by the fast life with his stripper girlfriend, Sorina (Bar Paly), while developing an addiction to cocaine.

As the Sun Gym Gang burns through their money, Daniel is influenced by Paul to pull off another heist. Meanwhile, Victor survives a botched murder by the gang, and hires a private investigator named Ed Du Bois (Ed Harris) to bring down Daniel and his crew. Paul and Adrian are running low on money, so Daniel plans another job to clean out a wealthy porn director/producer. But Ed is ready to point the police in the right direction, and Paul’s failed robbery of an armored car brings more heat to the gang.

Well, the main cast of characters are supposed to be meatheads, but The Rock delivers the most entertaining performance for my money. Paul is really the only guy, who steps out of the “tough guy” zone, and Johnson shows a goofy, sensitive side. During the cocaine addiction, Rock turns into a paranoid emotional trainwreck, and he brought a few laughs out of me, as the religious loony. Wahlberg is believable as an obsessive jock, but Anthony Mackie’s character annoyed me. Not because of his performance, but a lame running gag about ED is attached to Mackie’s character, and it’s not funny after the first three or four penis jokes. Shalhoub oozes sleaziness, Ed Harris is always a perfect fit for the old veteran, and Bar Paly is just eye candy. I mean, technically Paly has a character, as the ditzy airhead, but she can’t act. Rebel Wilson has found a niche, as a subtle and shrewd chunky woman, and next to Rock, she gets my pick for the second most entertaining performance. Also, I’m pretty sure I spotted Kurt Angle during a prison fight in one of Paul’s flashbacks.

Michael Bay’s high octane and clumsy directing style might give you a seizure or a really bad headache after you’re done with one of his movies. I guess you can give Bay some credit for toning it down on the explosions (unless I’m missing something, I only counted one), but as usual, there’s nothing truly memorable about Bay’s work behind the camera here. More violence and blood than your usual Bay flick, but it’s nothing too extreme. It’s nothing that’ll make you squirm, or say “wow! Bay is trying to do something different!” No. And Bay’s constant use of slow motion is kind of annoying.

Pain & Gain wants to be an in-your-face black comedy, and a colorful from rags to riches story, but I was ready to leave after twenty minutes. The humor loses steam fast, and the through the motions story is too predictable and mundane. Maybe, just MAYBE if they took a more serious approach, Pain & Gain could’ve been a respectable docudrama……with a better director of course. But I was burnt out on the goofiness and macho “I HAVE BIG MUSCLES!” routine before Pain & Gain reached the third act. Lots of T&A throughout Pain & Gain, and I chuckled a few times, but the movie as a whole is just a massive failure, and the two hours and nine minutes runtime felt like an eternity.

Rating: 2/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

ChromeSkull: Laid To Rest 2 (2011)

**SPOILERS**

Following the events of Laid To Rest, Tommy (Thomas Dekker) and The Girl With No Name, or “Princess” (Bobbi Sue Luther) narrowly escape the wrath of the ruthless killer, ChromeSkull (Nick Principe). After unknowingly pouring booby-trapped glue into his chrome mask, ChromeSkull’s face was destroyed by a corrosive substance. Tommy and Princess were the only living suriviors after ChromeSkull’s recent rampage, and after the final showdown in a convenience store, Tommy and Princess escaped before the police arrived.

As investigators and local police arrived at the convenience store to examine ChromeSkull’s seemingly lifeless body, ChromeSkull’s special team, led by his top assistant, Preston (Brian Austin Green) infiltrated the crime scene. Preston and ChromeSkull’s team killed everyone on the scene, and they escaped with ChromeSkull’s body before backup arrived to help out. Eventually, ChromeSkull was taken to one of his hideouts for surgery by a secret team of surgeons. The surgeons reconstructed ChormeSkull’s mangled face, and ChromeSkull was given time to rest and recover.

Meanwhile, Preston tracks Tommy and Princess to a hotel. Tommy agreed to look after Princess for a while, but the hotel was the end of the line. But when Tommy goes out to get food, Preston sneaks in the hotel room, and murders Princess. Tommy returns to find Princess’ dismembered body, and Tommy is rushed to the local police station for questioning and protection.

Three months later, ChromeSkull is fitted with a new chrome skull mask, and he’s looking for his revenge against Tommy. Tommy is the one that got away, and ChromeSkull doesn’t miss his targets. And ChromeSkull isn’t alone, because he receives help from his underground network of associates. While Preston tries to locate Tommy, ChromeSkull targets a new victim. Jess (Mimi Michaels) and her friend are home alone one night, when ChromeSkull sneaks in. He murders Jess’ friend, and takes Jess to his hideout as a hostage.

Detective King (Owain Yeoman) and his trusted co-worker, Max (Christopher Nelson) work together to find Jess, while keeping Tommy safe at the station. Meanwhile, a series of problems within ChromeSkull’s organization could spark a catastrophic implosion. Preston is tired of living in the shadows, and his role as the clean up guy. Preston wants to be the new ChromeSkull, but ChromeSkull isn’t ready to retire anytime soon. And ChromeSkull is still bitter towards Preston for killing Princess, because he likes to kill and “catch his own fish.” On top of all that, ChromeSkull’s more loyal and trusted assistant, Spann (Danielle Harris) plots to turn ChromeSkull against Preston (Spann‘s #1 rival within the organization).

One night, Preston slips inside the station, and kidnaps Tommy. Tommy and Jess are prisoners of ChromeSkull at his hideout. Detective King launches a last second mission to save Tommy and Jess, and put an end to ChromeSkull’s murderous rampages.

Ugh, why, oh WHY did they have to kill off Lena Headey in Laid To Rest! Thomas Dekker, Brian Austin Green, and Lena Headey in the same cast could’ve provided the perfect Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles reunion. Yes, I know. I’m probably one of the very few people, who actually wanted to see this, but a TSCC reunion in Laid To Rest 2 would’ve been a great nostalgia kick for die hard fans of the show.

Anyway, the cast is solid enough. Nick Principe is still intimidating and creepy as ChromeSkull. Brian Austin Green is OKAY, but he tries way too hard most of the time. Thomas Dekker is given more screen time in part two, and he delivers the best performance, as the broken and traumatized victim. Yeoman and Nelson are decent enough, but Mimi Michaels’ is kind of annoying at times (the character, not her performance).

You won’t see too much of Danielle Harris here. Her character’s screen time is limited to here and there appearances, and Laid To Rest really overplays Harris’ star power (or lack there of). During the opening credits, Laid To Rest tags Danielle Harris’ presence as a “special appearance.” Special appearance? Give me a break. It would shock me if any non-die hard horror fans recognized Danielle Harris (she was little Jamie in Halloween 4 and 5, and she was the sheriff’s daughter in Rob Zombie’s Halloween films), because Harris has been stuck in straight-to-video/small and independent, low-budget horror film hell for years. And she can’t stand out amongst the pack of other scream queens from the past.

Robert Hall (the writer and director for both Laid To Rest films. Well, he co-wrote the screenplay for part two, because he had some help from Kevin Bocarde, but still) picks up where he left off in Laid To Rest 2. And he provides more details to fill in some of the giant plot holes in the first film. How is ChromeSkull pulling all of this off by himself? It’s the one question that constantly popped in my mind during Laid To Rest, and Hall answers those questions here. Well, ChromeSkull was working with an old man at a funeral home (the old man kept an eye out for police, and would hide dead and alive victims in the funeral home, because ChromeSkull used the funeral home as a storage space for his victims), but still, one old man helping the mass murderer wasn’t enough. It was too far-fetched, but adding a network of assistants tied up the remaining loose ends.

Hall also downplayed ChromeSkull’s camera on the shoulder POV stuff here. ChromeSkull likes to record his murders as they happen, so he wears a camera on his shoulder. They really abused this POV in Laid To Rest, but Hall toned it down for the sequel.

Killing off Bobbi Sue Luther’s character during the intro was a good call, because Laid To Rest 2 is loaded with a bunch of sub-plots: Preston being jealous of ChromeSkull, and wanting to become the new ChromeSkull. Spann plotting against Preston, and seemingly developing a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with ChromeSkull. Jess struggling to fight for her life, and Tommy trying to survive another attack from ChromeSkull. The survival of Princess would’ve cluttered the story into a bigger mess, so I’m happy they pulled the trigger early. Also, I’ve seen some interviews with her, and she’s on the video commentary for Night Of The Demon’s ’09. Bobbi Sue Luther seems like a nice and humble person in real life, and as far as looks go, she’s a ten in my book, but she’s a terrible actress. Her character was beyond annoying in Laid To Rest, and it’s a problem, because Princess is the primary protagonist.

Laid To Rest 2 provides more inventive and brutal deaths, as ChromeSkull hacks his way through another slaughter fest. Problem is, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. The VAST majority of kills in this film don’t have that sickening shock factor, because they really pulled out all the stops in Laid To Rest. A lot of nasty and bloody stuff in this film, but for me, the deaths couldn’t reach any squirming levels of disgustingness, because they gave away all of the good stuff in part one.

Hall is building towards a part three, he planted a lot of seeds for another sequel, and there’s a cliffhanger at the end. But instead of going with another sequel, the third entry in Laid To Rest is going to be a prequel, explaining the origins of ChromeSkull, and “how it all began.” I wasn’t too crazy about part two, but the story progressed, and now you’re going to backtrack into a prequel? I dunno. It just feels kind of weird to me.

Anyway, ChromeSkull: Laid To Rest 2 isn’t something to brag about. Laid To Rest 2 is a dud with a very messy and convoluted story. You still won’t see ChromeSkull’s face, and he still doesn’t speak a word in the sequel, so his character maintained the silent and deadly monster mystique. Still, Laid To Rest 2 is just another mediocre and forgettable slasher.

Rating: 3/10

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

So I watched Iron Man 3 this weekend. I really don't have a whole lot to say about it. I didn't think it was that good. I don't mean it was a bad movie, but it was just underwhelming. It's gotten to a point with his technology in this movie that it would make you wonder how he hasn't invented cold fusion yet. Oh and one huge spoiler (so don't read unless you want it ruined) that's really bothering me about this:

Spoiler

Ben Kingsley, who plays Mandarin, isn't actually Mandarin. He's an actor hired to play a terrorist so the real terrorist stays behind the scenes. It actually lets a lot of air out of the movie. It's like the payoff can't happen. I mean the scene itself when they find out is hilarious, because Kingsley does such a great job at being a funny character, but it's sort of like one of those moments where you go "Ohhh..."

Anyways, I'm holding off on an actual #/10 rating until I see it again, because I'm not entirely sure what to think yet. I'll say this though, it wasn't good enough that I'm going to see it in the theaters again.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

P2 (2007)

**SPOILERS**

On Christmas Eve, Angela Bridges (Rachel Nichols) works late into the night for her law firm in an attempt to tie up some loose ends before the holidays. The first through the door, and the last to leave, Angela is a dedicated worker, but Angela makes a promise to her family: Angela must spend the holidays with her mother, sister, and niece without any interruptions from work. Angela reluctantly agrees, and she decides to surprise her niece with a Santa suit.

In the empty office building after hours, Angela hauls all of her gifts and the Santa suit to her car. But when Angela reaches parking level two, her car won’t start. Angela searches for help, and she eventually finds the security guard, Thomas (Wes Bentley) and his Rottweiler, Rocky. After a failed jump, Angela calls for a cab, but when the cab arrives, Angela can’t make it outside, because Thomas locked every exit in the building. Eventually, the cab leaves, and Angela is stranded inside. Thomas shuts off the lights in the parking garage, and as Angela tries to call for help in the darkness, Thomas sneaks up from behind, and suffocates Angela with a rag dampened in chloroform.

Angela eventually awakens in Thomas’ office, chained to a chair, with her clothes gone, and a new white dress courtsey of Thomas. Thomas prepared a Christmas Eve dinner, and he won’t eat it alone. Angela begs Thomas for her release, but instead, Thomas takes Angela into the parking garage to teach her co-worker, Jim (Simon Reynolds) a lesson. Jim is tied to a chair, and Thomas urges Angela to take his flashlight so she can teach Jim a lesson, after a drunken Jim tried to force himself on Angela in the elevator. Angela refuses, angering Thomas, and Angela is forced to witness the first glimpse of Thomas’ dark side, as he brutally murders Jim. With no help or connections to the outside world, Angela must escape Thomas and Rocky before it’s too late.

I’m not a big Rachel Nichols fan, but she’s believable as the damsel in distress. Wes Bentley delivers the best performance in this film. He’s genuinely creepy, as the obsessive lunatic, who will do anything to impress Angela. But when Angela finally gains the upper hand at the end, Bentley turns into this sniveling and pathetic man during his final moments. He’s such an asshole throughout the movie, but I almost wanted to feel sorry him before Angela delivered the final blow.

Acting wise, you’ll see a few glimpses of some other people, but Angela and Thomas receive 95% of the screen time, and Jim is the only character, who makes an appearance twice (well, there’s another security guard, but he’s dead during his second and third appearances). P2 revolves around the deadly game of cat-and-mouse between Angela and Thomas, as Angela fights to get help, and find a way out of the office building. I really enjoyed the duel and mind games between Angela and Thomas, and Bentley’s performance as the sadistic creep is the driving force behind Angela and Thomas’ ongoing feud. Thomas is such a dick, I rooted for Angela’s survival, and I wanted her to make it to the end alive.

P2 features some nasty gore, but it’s not too much. Two scenes stand out amongst the rest: Thomas killing Jim, and Angela killing Rocky. First, Thomas drives his car into Jim, smashing him against a wall, while Jim is still tied to the chair. After crushing him a few times, you can clearly see Jim’s guts hanging out, and on the final push, Jim explodes into a gush of blood and chunks of flesh. Angela uses a tire iron to kill Rocky after Rocky corners her in a car. It’s pretty gruesome, because Angela keeps whacking and twisting the tire iron into and over Rocky’s head until he dies.

I actually had a good time with P2, but I was annoyed every now and then. The story is SO predictable, and you can see the ending coming from a mile away. And Thomas’ death is kind of corny. After Angela takes out one of his eyes, and handcuffs him to the door of a car, Thomas pleads for mercy, as Angela walks away. Angry and frustrated, Thomas calls Angela a “cunt.” She stops, and uses a taser to ignite a trail of leaking gasoline leading to Thomas. Thomas catches fire, and the car explodes shortly after, killing him.

Yeah, I get it. Thomas is supposed to suffer for kidnapping and torturing Angela, and his gruesome demise is supposed to be the feel good triumphant moment of vengeance for Angela. But using a vulgar slur to insult the female protagonist before a moment of triumph is too ordinary and counter-productive. I’ve seen this happen in other horror and non-horror films, and to use a more similar comparison off the top of my head, Angela’s decision to brutally murder Thomas reminds me of the ending in Hostel II. One of the torturers calls the remaining female survivor (can’t remember the names, because I haven’t watched Hostel II in a few years) a cunt. She responds by cutting off his genitals, and she feeds them to a dog.

Anyway, P2 is a solid horror flick. Yes, the story is formulaic, and you’ll see the ending coming from a mile away. But P2 features a nice set of spooky and eerie atmospherics, and sporadic scenes of nail biting suspense, as Angela fights to escape. It’s nothing great, but P2 surprised the hell out of me, because I had very low expectations for this one.

Rating: 6/10

 

[AndThat'sTheBottomLine]

I watched Iron Man 3 today and I was a little disappointed. It wasn't a bad movie at all. It was actually pretty good and I liked how they tossed in an Avengers mention or two. I was a little pissed at the Mandarin let down. I mean we're talking about Iron Man's archenemy and he's an actor? I didn't like how they built him up the entire movie as this big badass only to reveal that he was a mere pawn getting his strings tugged by an even bigger puppet master. Overall it was a good movie though and Robert Downy Jr. has set the bar pretty high for Tony Stark if they ever try to revamp this series in the future. The ending was a little cheesy and why in the fuck didn't he just get the shards removed in the first place? If getting them out was so simple a task as surgery, then why didn't they do it to begin with? And they never explained how they fixed Pepper. You fixed her? How!? They never mention an antidote to the substance throughout the whole film yet all of a sudden she's just cured? And what was the point of infecting her with it in the first place? So they could have an easy way of explaining her survival? All in all, it wasn't as good as the second one but it was on level with the first one. You definitely knew that this was the last Iron Man movie but you know he'll be in the next Avengers. I did enjoy it despite the holes and I wouldn't mind watching it again.

6/10