Movie Review Thread

[Mitch Henessey]

RED 2 (2013)

**SPOILERS**

After the events of RED, Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is trying to be normal with his girlfriend, Sarah Ross (Mary-Louise Parker), leaving his wild days of espionage and military combat behind him. But everything changes, when Frank and Sarah run into Frank’s old buddy and teammate, Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) at a Costco one day. Marvin tries to warn Frank of an inevitable attack, but Frank refuses to listen, because he wants to enjoy his new life without any problems.

Soon enough, Frank is taken into custody to answer some questions about project “Nightshade,” Sarah goes off to a safe house for protection, and Marvin fakes his death after an assassination attempt. During the interrogation, Frank is at the mercy of a cold and vicious US government agent named Jack Horton (Neal McDonough), who takes charge of the questioning after killing everyone guarding Frank. Frank escapes with Marvin‘s help, and Frank eventually joins forces with Marvin and Victoria Winslow (Helen Mirren) to fight off another frame/assassination attempt.

As Frank, Marvin, Victoria, and Sarah travel across the world, they learn more about a devastating weapon of mass destruction, and the man, who built it. Dr. Edward Bailey (Anthony Hopkins) has spent years in a London insane asylum for his protection, but after Victoria does some more digging, she learns about Dr. Bailey’s true intentions, and his original plans for the weapon of mass destruction he built. Frank tries to balance the responsibilities of completing the mission, controlling Sarah’s persistent urges to join the team, and Frank must use his judgement to figure out where Victoria's loyalties lie, after Victoria accepts a contract from MI6 to kill Frank.

Plus, some old feelings for Katya (Catherine Zeta-Jones), a Russian spy, could jeprodazie the mission and Frank’s realtionship with Sarah. And Frank will have to fight off the attacks from Han (Lee Byung-hun), an old nemisis and a lethal contract killer, who will do anything to collect the bounty on Frank, and recover his private jet plane.

Bruce Willis is still entertaining as the old, grizzled veteran, who reluctantly shows his soft side every now and then. Malkovich is still hilarious as the eccentric loose cannon, and Helen Mirren isn’t bad at all here, but her screen time is cut down to accommodate more focus on Mary-Louise Parker this time around. Parker is still the same accident-prone and nervous goofball, and Sarah has a more involved role with the team. Although, they added this hopeless romantic layer to Parker’s character, and it kind of annoyed me at times. And Brian Cox has a few appearances towards the end, but his screen time is limited to cameo status.

No real complaints about most of the new cast members. In contrast to Helen Mirren’s Victoria, Catherine Zeta-Jones’ Katya is a seductive and lethal femme fatale. I usually can’t stand Neal McDonough, but he’s not bad as this quirky and delighted psychopath. Lee Byung-hun’s Han is limited to sporadic appearances, until he decides to join the good guys at the end, but he’s a nice fit for the lethal killing machine. As far as Anthony Hopkins goes, I’m sorry, but he just annoyed me too much. His kooky old man act is painful to watch. I mean, things get a little better, when Hopkins reveals himself as a bad guy, but still, the heel turn couldn’t save this character.

I’m torn, when it comes to RED2’s erratic plot twists and constant character changes. One one hand, the twists and turns DID hook me into the story, because I can honestly say I had no idea what would happen next most of the time. But on the other hand, it’s kind of hard to ignore the sub-plots, plot twists and character changes convoluting into one big mess.

First of all, the plot starts out with Frank and Marvin trying to figure, who’s setting them up this time, but that eventually evolves into Frank, Victoria (against her orders from MI6), Sarah, Marvin, and Han banding together to stop another lame plot involving a mad man’s mission to set off a bomb and kill millions. And throughout the movie, Han forgets about his contract, and instead, he becomes hell bent on killing Frank for stealing his jet plane. And on top of that, he joins the same guy he’s trying to kill throughout the whole movie to save the day at the end? Han is a contract killer. Why should he care about doing the right thing?

The struggles and bickering in Sarah and Frank’s rocky relationship constantly dilutes every sub-plot, and the main story arc. And if Jack Horton is one of the good guys, then why did he have to kill a high ranking Army General in the beginning? I won’t go on a rant about Hopkins revealing himself as one of the bad guys, because well, they gave that twist away in the trailers and TV spots. Unbelievable. More often than not, it felt like RED 2 was trying to be too clever for its own good. And I believe the efforts to shock and surprise the audience with a lot of unpredictability hurt the film.

So I can understand the complaints about the story and character changes, but the over the top action sequences? Eh, no. For anyone complaining about the action sequences in RED 2, I would just ask one question: do you remember RED (2010)? Do you remember Bruce Willis effortlessly and casually stepping out of a speeding and spinning car, opening the car door (while the car is still spinning), and stepping out to take out the bad guys with a machine gun? How about John Malkovich using a handgun, and ONE bullet to stop a rocket, AND literally blow up the person, who fired the rocket? And let’s not forget about Bruce Willis’ wild and over the top escape from a bunch of armed soldiers during the early stages of the movie. RED 2 promoted high octane and over the top action, and for the most part, they delivered it.

As usual, a part two doesn’t live up to the original, but I still had a good time with RED 2. I know some with take this as blasphemy, but Mary Louise-Parker was a more than suitable replacement for Morgan Freeman. Yeah, it’s hard to ignore some of the problems, and the final showdown between Frank and Dr. Bailey is so disappointing. But RED 2 still provides plenty of mindless fun entertainment and good laughs. I know RED 2 is considered to be a box office flop, but I say bring on RED 3. I remember reading something about plans for RED 3, and I hope those plans aren’t scrapped.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow (2004)

**SPOILERS**

It’s 1939 in an alternate universe, and New York is ambushed by an army of giant robots one day. Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow), a pesky newspaper reporter, tries to snap some pictures during the attack for the big scoop, but the robots nearly kill her, until Joe Sullivan (Jude Law) comes to the recuse. A famed and glorified expert fighter pilot, Joe is the Commander for a private and elite air force in New York, and Joe’s accolades earned him the nickname “Sky Captain.”

After Joe and his fleet thwart the robot attack, the remaining robots mysteriously and suddenly retreat, while crippling New York’s major resources. Polly wants the story of a lifetime, and she has information from a scientist, who is apart of a plot that involves the creation of the robots, and the sudden disappearances of the scientists, who are connected to the robot attacks. Joe agrees to let Polly tag along for the adventure, so he can get to the roots of the robot mystery. But Joe and Polly will have to put aside some bitter feelings from a broken relationship of the past to work together, and help each other.

Joe receives more help from his top mechanic, Dex (Giovanni Ribsi), and an essential last second helping hand from an old girlfriend and the Commander of a Royal Naval flying aircraft carrier named Franky Cook (Angelina Jolie). But along the way, Joe and Polly are stalked by an unknown henchwoman (Bai Ling), and Joe must protect Polly from more attacking robots. And soon enough, Joe and Polly stumble into a secret world controlled by machines, and they discover a devastating plot to rebuild, as they learn about the plans from Dr. Totenkopf (Laurence Oliver), the mad scientist and mastermind, who started it all.

Well I’ll just get this out of the way now, Jude Law wasn’t the right choice for the leading role. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like Law, and he’s one of my favorite actors, but for this role? Just…no. Joe Sullivan is supposed to be this larger than life hero, who has all the women falling at his feet, but Law isn’t convincing. First and foremost, Law isn’t the type of guy, who has that “look.” Maybe Brad Pitt, Geroge Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Will Smith, or Tom Cruise, but Law doesn’t embody that presence of an awe-inspiring character. I’ll give Law credit, though. He gives it his all, but still, physically or performance wise, Law can’t live up to Joe Sullivan’s god-like reputation and persona.

Gwyneth Paltrow on the other hand, is a percet fit for Polly Perkins. The character isn’t something fresh or new, because Polly is the sneaky reporter, who will do anything to get the first scoop on the next big story. But Paltrow has the right look, and she brings this sense of innocence to Polly, which really pulls the character together in the grand scheme of things.

Ribsi is good for a few laughs as the tech geek, and I can’t say that much about Jolie. She’s not bad as the tough and fearless Commander, and they never explained the reason behind it, but the eye patch is a nice touch for her character. But Jolie doesn’t actually appear until the tail end of the film, and after that, Franky is limited to a few sporadic appearances. As far as Bai Ling goes, I can’t say anything negative or positive about her. She pops up every now and then to try and stop Joe and Polly, as they inch closer to solving the mystery. But Ling never speaks a word, and she doesn’t hurt or help the movie in a way that’s really noticeable or significant at all. And if you’re wondering, no. Laurence Oliver isn’t alive. He passed away back in the late 80’s or early 90’s. They just used some CGI magic for his big Wizard Of Oz style appearance towards the end.

Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow is LOADED with winks to some of the all-time great blockbusters and classical films. King Kong, Godzilla, 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (the ‘54 version of course, because it’s the most well-known and praised version), wreckage from the Titanic, and of course, The Wizard Of Oz (1939). Oz is the most prominent nostalgia wink here, because they show actual footage from the 1939 film, and as I said before, Oliver’s big appearance as “The Wizard” is reminiscent of the final moments (you know the scene I’m talking about) in the ‘39 classic.

I know a lot of people are torn down the middle, when it comes to the CGI in this film. Some think it’s too much and too tacky. Others love it, but I‘m split down the middle. Yes. I can understand a film like Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow NEEDING a grand and extravagant stage/landscape. BUT the CGI is tacky and it looks pretty cheap. Sorry, but it’s hard to ignore. I mean, it’s not so horrible that it ruins the movie, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t come close.

Sky Captain & The World Of Tomorrow tries to be a nostalgic and awe-inspiring action/sci-fi flick full of grandeur and wonder, but it falls short of achieving the intended goal of unquestioned excellence. And again, if Jude Law wasn’t in the leading role, I would probably go with a higher score. But Sky Captain deserves some credit for a handful of thrilling and stylish action sequences, and any movie buff or true fan of cinema, and its history should appreciate the numerous attempts to pay homage to the great, classical films of the past.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

30 Days Of Night (2007)

**SPOILERS**

As the citizens of Barrow, Alaska prepare for thirty nights and days of darkness during the annual polar-night month, a mysterious and dirty stranger (Ben Foster) wanders into town with a freighter ship close behind him. Upon his arrival, The Stranger destroys all the communications in Barrow, a helicopter, and murders a group of sled dogs. After The Stranger causes an altercation with a waitress at the local diner, the town Sheriff, Eben Oleson (Josh Hartnett) steps in, and arrests him.

As nightfall approaches, The Stranger is in jail, but a group of vampires slowly sneak out of the freighter ship, and invade the town. Eventually, it’s revealed The Stranger helped the vampires through a serious of careful steps and planning to make sure no one else would suspect anything fishy. The pack of vampires are lead by Marlow (Danny Huston), and soon enough, the vampires are able to take control of the town with ease. At the Sheriff’s office, Eben’s younger brother, Jake (Mark Rendall), narrowly escapes a vampire attack, but Jake and Eben’s grandmother, who works as a desk clerk at the Sheriff’s office, is murdered.

Eben must put aside bitter feelings for his ex-wife and deputy, Stella Oleson (Melissa George), who is upset about missing the last plane for thirty days out of Barrow, and work with her to survive the vampire attacks. Cut off from the outside world with no help, Eben leads and commands the team of Stella, Jake, Beau Brower (Mark Boone Junior), Barrow’s rowdy snowplow driver, who uses his snowplow machine to help in the fight, and the remaining townspeople in Barrow against the vampires.

But after their cover is blown in the attic of an abandoned house, Eben and the other survivors realize they won’t be able to just hide and wait it out for the first sunrise in thirty days. No, they’ll have to fight back for survival, and risk their lives to outlast the darkness.

Hartnett is a competent leading man, and he’s a believable fearless leader. Melissa George delivers the second best performance as Stella. During the early stages of the movie, Stella is someone, who comes off as whiny and unlikable, but as Eben and Stella start working together again, George’s character becomes someone, who you can root for. Sad to say, but Boone Junior’s Beau is the only character, who has some real life here. Boone Junior is entertaining as the angry old man, who’s not afraid of any danger, but the rest of Barrow’s survivors (including Jake) aren’t given enough of a personality to stand out amongst each other.

The vampires? Eh, I can hardly say anything about them. The vampires in 30 Days Of Night are feral cannibals, who just growl and yell a lot. Danny Huston is the only one, who actually speaks, but subtitles are attached to his dialogue, because Marlow speaks an ancient vampire language. Although, Marlow speaks one line of English in the film. When a young woman is begging for her life, she asks for God to help her. Marlow responds by saying “God? God……no God” before allowing his pack to torture and kill the young woman.

Director David Slade (I still can’t believe this guy directed a Twilight film) deserves a lot of credit for creating the perfect eerie, hopeless, and spooky atmosphere. When the vampires aren’t yelling or growling, there’s a chilling silence in the dark streets of Barrow, as the remaining survivors tiptoe to the next safe house. 30 Days Of Night gets some bonus points from me for confining the protagonists in a desolate death trap, that favors the antagonists with no means of escape. It feels like a refreshing change, because 30 Days isn’t hampered by a plot that involves vampires trying to secretly take over the world, inconspicuously living in the shadows, or one vampire antagonist or more stalking a victim or victims, who discovered their secret.

Unfortunately, 30 Days Of Night will bore you with dull and one-dimensional characters. As I said before, Boone Junior’s Beau is the only character with a real spark. Yeah, I understand everyone is terrified for their lives and the safety of their loved ones, and because they’re facing a life or death threat, everyone has a break through revelation. Eben and Stella slowly start to trust each other again, and Eben realizes he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life without Stella. Jake realizes he has to grow up and be a man, because he was spending most of his time at his grandmother’s house growing and smoking weed. And some of the elderly survivors would rather die, so they willingly sacrifice themselves, because they feel like they’ve reached the end of the line. That’s all well and good, but personality wise, it’s hard to pick out an individual amongst the survivors, because the VAST majority of the cast never rises above “OH NO! VAMPIRES! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!” reactions. Foster’s creepy and eccentric Stranger character had a chance to stand out. He had the perfect look as, this deranged and filthy homeless man, but his character doesn’t last too long.

Although, I have mixed feelings for the characters in 30 Days Of Night. Yes. They are boring and dull, but I still root for their survival. Unless the protagonists reach extreme unlikable levels (this doesn‘t apply to anyone in 30 Days), you can always rally behind the group of unlikely heroes and underdogs, who come together to fight and stop a seemingly invincible evil power. It’s a timeless formula, and more often than not, you can plug this formula into any genre of film, and it still works today.

But I hate the stupid ending for this film. So with one day left before sunrise, Eben and the group make a run for a utilidor, because they believe it’ll be a perfect stronghold to ride out the attack until sunrise. But as they’re making a run for it, Stella separates herself from the group to rescue a petrified survivor wandering around in the streets. Stella and the survivor hide underneath a wrecked car, but the vampires decide to drench the streets in oil, and they start a fire to burn the entire town to the ground, so everyone else will assume the attack was nothing more than a tragic accident. The streets are burning, Stella is trapped under the car, so Eben comes up with the bright idea to turn himself into a vampire, so he can fight Marlow for a distraction, giving Stella and the survivor time to escape. Eben injects himself with the blood of a turned friend, fights and kills Marlow, and he burns to death in Stella’s arms, as they watch the sunrise the very next morning (Eben promised Stella they would watch the sunrise no matter what).

This ending….didn’t make any sense. Just pay close attention. Stella had PLENTY of chances to escape without the vampires noticing her. Sunrise was hours away, and the vampires were focused on the fire. Eben transforms himself into a vampire, and yeah, he kills the leader. But what do the vampires do after the fight? They walk away, because they didn’t have enough time to do anything else. So in the grand scheme of things, his sacrifice and the melodramatic ending with Stella holding a dying and burning Eben didn’t make the least bit of sense, because everything leading up to this particular series of events was so unnecessary.

30 Days Of Night will satisfy true gore fiends, because this film is loaded with a lot of nasty and bloody gruesomeness, and some brutal beheadings. A few decent action sequences every now and then, and although I can’t stand the frustrating and nonsensical events leading up to it, the final fight between Marlow and a vampiric Eben was fun to watch. With the background of the burning town behind them, Eben fought with everything he had, and Eben slamming his fist through Marlow’s mouth and the back of his head for the kill at the same time is a memorable jaw-dropping moment, that’s capable of leaving you speechless. Personally, I would LOVE to go with a higher score, but deep down inside, I know 30 Days Of Night isn’t that good.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Thale (2012)

**SPOILERS**

Working together as a team in a covert Crime Scene Investigation clean up business, Elvis (Erlend Nervold) and Leo (Jon Sigve Skard) are given a peculiar assignment one day: Leo and Elvis are sent to a small cabin deep in the woods to clean up after the death of an old man.

Everything seems normal at first, until Leo and Elvis discover the old man’s secret hiding in the basement’s bathtub: Thale (Silje Reinamo) is a hulder, who can’t speak any words, and the sight of Leo and Elvis sends her into a panic. Thale immediately chokes Elvis, but Leo politely asks her to release the hold, and Thale agrees. Leo and Elvis listen to old tape recordings from the old man to try and figure out the mystery behind Thale and her past, but Leo, Elvis, and Thale are suddenly ambushed by a team of soldiers.

After the soldier’s failed attempts to break into the locked cabin, Leo and Elvis succumb to the clouds of smoke from sleeping gas grenades. During the interrogation outside, Leo and Elvis are at the mercy of the leader, Hvittkledd (Morten Andresen) and they’ll have to rely on Thale and the other hulders in the surrounding area for a rescue.

Sadly, there’s no real competition for the best performance here, because that honor easily goes to Silje Reinamo as Thale. Reinamo doesn’t speak a word here, but she’s able to creep you out with facial expressions. On top of that, the CGI cow’s tale helps, and Reinamo’s “attack mode” demeanor really pulls the character together. Plus, Reinamo is an attractive woman, and she’s in the nude a lot here. They really don’t show too much, but Reinamo never crosses into the territory of someone, who uses her good looks to seduce and deceive, and lure others into a trap. She’s not a femme fatale. Instead, she lets you know right up front that she’s not going to play any mind games, or use any tricks to take you out, and that’s a refreshing change that we don’t see too often in horror films for women with deadly powers or skills. Just take one long look at Reinamo (especially when you factor in the partial nudity), and you wouldn’t expect someone, who’s intimidating or menacing, so she deserves some extra credit for being able to give off the impression of Thale being someone, who you wouldn’t want to mess with at all.

Skard is okay at best, as the more sensible and calmer member of the team, who doesn’t crack under pressure. Nervold is the typical bumbling fool of a sidekick, but his performance borders on the lines of “not funny enough” and “too annoying” throughout the film. And Andersen as the leader? Egads, he’s horrible. I mean, Andersen’s performance is so bad, he drags the quality of the entire cast down a lot, and it’s a shame, because Andersen doesn’t appear until the tail end of the film, and his screen time is limited. But Andersen is hard to ignore, because a. he’s on the short list of characters here, who receive spoken dialogue, and b. he’s just so awful.

I’ve seen a lot of complaints about the “awful CGI” in Thale, but I think those complaints are exaggerated. Yeah, the CGI isn’t the best in the world. In fact, it’s pretty mediocre, but from reading some of the other complaints, you’d think Thale had SyFy Channel movie quality special effects. That’s not true, because the CGI isn’t that bad.

CGI isn’t the biggest problem for Thale. Too many unanswered questions on the other hand? Now that’s a problem. To be mysterious, and leave a trail of bread crumbs behind, so the audience can draw their own conclusions of what might’ve happened or what will happen is one thing. But when you throw out so many “what if?” hurdles in the story, it just becomes frustrating, tiresome, and annoying. It’s like stuffing a small child’s backpack full of food and water, giving him or her about three hundred dollars worth of cash, a bus ticket, and then you push him or her out the door, tell them to figure it out, and lock the door behind them. So yeah, dropping little hints and clues to make the audience really think and use their imagination is one thing, but Thale crosses a too ambiguous line, and this really hurts the movie.

But after searching around, it looks like they’re going to do a sequel for Thale. Hopefully, they’ll take the time to answer some of the big questions in this film, and while I wasn’t too crazy about this one, I’d be willing to give a second film a chance.

Rating: 3/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

30 Days Of Night: Dark Days (2010)

**SPOILERS**

Ten months after the events of 30 Days Of Night, Stella Olesson (Kiele Sanchez) is trying to move on after the death of her husband, Eben. As one of the few survivors of the vampire massacre at Barrow, Stella dedicates her life to convincing everyone, who’ll listen in the real existence of vampires by traveling the country and the world, promoting her tell-all book about the attack.

But along the way, Stella is met with resistance from a human servant of the vampires named Agent Norris (Troy Ruptash). After exposing and burning three vampires to death, who hid in the crowd of her latest book reading with UV lights, Stella is recruited by a small group of vampire hunters. Motivated by their own tragic run-ins with vampires, Paul (Rhys Coiro), Todd (Harold Perrineau), and Amber (Diora Baird) do their best to convince Stella to join the fight, but she refuses at first. Although, Stella changes her mind after meeting, Dane (Ben Cotton), the leader of the vampire hunters, who happens to be a vampire himself, and a pep talk with Paul. And unbeknownst to Stella, Dane recruited her through a series of letters discussing vampires and the incident in Barrow.

Stella agrees to join Dane, Paul, Todd, and Amber, as they search for Lilith (Mia Kirshner), the vampire queen, who controls and orchestrates her own pack of vampires. But the vampire hunters will have to fight off a turned Agent Norris, and find a way to foil Lilith’s plans of returning to Alaska with another freighter ship full of vampires for a thirty day feast.

Melissa George wasn’t bad as Stella in the original, but at the same time, she didn’t set a high bar for the character with her performance, so I don’t have a big problem with Sanchez as a replacement. Sanchez is a decent enough leading lady, but her character strays into unlikable territory in certain parts of the film. Mia Kirshner would get my pick for best performance, but her character doesn’t receive enough screen time. Lilith speaks a little English (“show me” and “Stella”), but the vast majority of her dialogue is the ancient vampire language we heard Marlow speak in the first film. Kirshner does a good job of blending together sexiness and the commanding presence of a leader, and she never leans too far one way or the other. Rest of the cast is average or mediocre at best, so there’s no need to mention them one by one.

Lazy writing and cookie-cutter, generic characters are a problem for Dark Days, but the sequel deserves some credit for a handful of noticeable changes. First, you can really see how traumatized Stella is after Barrow, as she travels all over with the mission to spread vampire awareness. And Stella isn’t some scared survivor in Dark Days. She’s a fearless ass-kicker, who’s more than willing to get her hands dirty, and do the nasty stuff. Plus, the protagonists aren’t a bunch of scared survivors, trapped in a dark town with no sunlight for thirty days this time around. They’re vampire hunters driven by revenge, who are willing to do and risk everything to stop Lilith and her clan.

Unfortunately, Dark Days really suffers from a cast of some the most generic characters you’ll ever see. Stella is the angry and frustrated outsider, who’s hesitant to trust other people, but as the film progresses, she assumes the role of leader after earning respect. Before Stella takes over, Paul is the soft-spoken lieutenant, who tries to be the peacemaker. Todd is the Yes Man, who just goes along with everything, and Dane is your typical quiet but firm leader, who lets his actions speak louder than words.

And Diora Baird’s Amber is pretty annoying. Baird’s performance isn’t to blame, but the direction of her character takes so many wild and confusing turns. Amber is supposed to be the tough and uncooperative rebel in the group, but every time the group faces some real danger, Amber turns into this panicky wimp? As the group infiltrates Lilith’s ship at the end for the final showdown, Amber completely freaks out, and she begs Stella and Paul to run away with her? It didn’t make any sense.

I ranted about the stupidity of the ending in the original, and the ending in Dark Days is just as bad. So after the big final battle with Lilith and her crew, Stella returns to Barrow to dig up Eben’s grave. After witnessing a resurrection ritual on Lilith’s ship involving a good amount of fresh blood, Stella decides to try the same thing on Eben‘s dead body. Stella slits her wrists and arms to pour out as much blood as she can before passing out from blood loss, and she squeezes her blood over Eben’s burned corpse. Of course, Eben comes back to life, and guess what happens as the screen fades to black to end the movie? Eben bites Stella in the neck. Eh, I can understand Stella wanting to see Eben alive again, but she had to know he would come back as a vampire, right? So stupid.

The revelation of Lilith’s big sinister plan is disappointing and deflating, because “OH NO!” Lilith is going to Alaska for another thirty day feast! Seriously? That was the main story in the first film! And my god Dark Days is predictable as predictable can be. Stella falling in love with Paul, Stella emerging as the leader of the group, the one on one showdown between Lilith and Stella at the end, and Stella being the sole survivor at the end. Dark Days just goes through the motions from the opening minutes all the way up until the credits start rolling.

With all that said, I always enjoy Dark Days as stupid fun. Dark Days still provides plenty of gory and bloody moments, with Stella smashing a turned Todd’s head into mush with a cinder block as the highlight. The action sequences? Yeah, they are repetitive (a lot of shootouts/fights in dark tunnels, or dark areas like inside the freighter ship), but there’s enough carnage, blood, and dismembered bodies to overlook the monotony. Still, don’t expect anything great or mind blowing from this one, because Dark Days suffers from your usual straight-to-video horror sequel problems (average overall cast, average to mediocre special effects, and a so-so story).

Rating: 5/10

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

Went and saw Kick Ass 2 today. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Maybe I'm just biased since I love the first one so much though. My only gripe would be that

Spoiler

I would've liked to have seen more Hit Girl. But I do understand as it's a major part of the story. Also, (not a gripe) Mother Russia is fucking awesome.

I would recommend it to anyone who liked the first one.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

That sounds good. I really enjoyed the first Kick-Ass, so I'm sure I'll love the second one. More interested to see what Carrey does over anything else.

Fruitvale Station (2013)

**SPOILERS**

After a stint in prison, Oscar Grant (Michael B. Jordan) returns home to the Bay Area to start over with his girlfriend, Sophina (Melonie Diaz) and his young daughter, Tatiana (Ariana Neal). Oscar slowly breaks away from his life as a drug dealer, and with help from his family and friends, Oscar prepares to celebrate his mother’s birthday.

But after the party, Wanda (Octavia Spencer) encourages her son to use the train to fight the crowds for a New Year’s celebration. 2009 is minutes away, as Oscar, Sophina, and their friends celebrate on the train, but Oscar runs into an old enemy from jail. After a scuffle, Oscar and his friends are aggressively detained and questioned by a group of police officers, and the situation takes a tragic turn for the worst, when one of the officers draws his gun.

To be honest, I really didn’t think that much of Michael B. Jordan, when I saw him in Chronicle. He gave the second best performance in that film (Dane DeHaan’s Andrew is easily number one), but I can honestly say I didn’t see anything special in him. Fast forward to Fruitvale Station, and Jordan delivers a strong performance in the leading role. Oscar is a troubled man with a bad temper, who makes some questionable choices in life, but Jordan is able to reel you in, and convince the audience to feel sympathy for Oscar. Despite all his flaws, Oscar is a loving father, family man, and son. Jordan is conflicted, as he struggles to control his rage fits, while balancing his softer side for the people he loves, and when the ending comes, you’ll be sitting there and wondering “what could’ve been?” if this man had more time to turn his life around, and figure things out.

I’m still amazed at how far Octavia Spencer has come. Back in 2009, she was killed off in the opening minutes of Halloween 2, as one of the nurses at the hospital. But a handful of years after that, she went on to win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her work in The Help. One of Spencer’s best scenes here is during a flashback of a jail visit to Oscar. Wanda is beyond frustrated and disappointed in Oscar, Oscar begs for a hug, and Wanda walks away, as the prison guards try and restrain a furious Oscar. The look of disappointment and shame on Spencer’s face, as Wanda walks away with her back turned to Oscar is the backbone of that scene. And I usually enjoy Melonie Diaz more in comedy roles (i.e. Be Kind Rewind), but she’s a good fit for the role of Oscar’s supportive and stern girlfriend.

If you’ve seen the trailers, TV spots, or know about the real life story that inspired this film, you should know what’s going to happen at the end. But the scene at the train station still packs a powerful, emotional punch regardless. By this point, you’ve built a connection with Oscar, and despite all his flaws, you can’t help but think about the “what ifs,” if Oscar made the decision to stay away from the train. Plus, Ryan Coogler (the director and he wrote the screenplay) does a phenomenal job of setting up the sequence of events leading up to the finale. There’s a calm sense of joy, as Oscar, Sophina, and friends celebrate on the train, and then everything goes downhill at a neck breaking hectic pace, setting the stage for a tense finale.

With help from a strong cast, and Ryan Coogler’s work behind the camera, Fruitvale Station is one of the better films in 2013. I’m sure everyone’s seen the TV spot with quotes of praise from LeBron James, Denzel Washington, Jaime Foxx, and Spike Lee. Plus, there’s the 94% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Fruitvale Station will be a nice boost for Jordan’s career, but I wouldn’t expect any Oscar nods for this one. The July release date is going to hurt any chances of that, and by the time November, December, and January roll around, Fruitvale will be lost in the shuffle amongst the Hollywood heavyweights during Oscar season.

Rating: 8/10

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Mitch, have you seen Sinister? I watched it last night and while it isn't the worst recent horror film I've seen, it just felt so generic that I actually had to question whether I had seen it before or not.

The twist at the end was alright but not enough to save the film. A big problem I had with the film was with its sound effects and music. Several times I couldn't tell if the sounds were coming from the old footage that Ethan Hawkes character was watching or were just part of the film. Sound has been well established as being integral to creating an atmosphere filled with tension and dread, but the art of how to use sound effects effectively seems to be a dying art.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Mitch, have you seen Sinister? I watched it last night and while it isn't the worst recent horror film I've seen, it just felt so generic that I actually had to question whether I had seen it before or not.

The twist at the end was alright but not enough to save the film. A big problem I had with the film was with its sound effects and music. Several times I couldn't tell if the sounds were coming from the old footage that Ethan Hawkes character was watching or were just part of the film. Sound has been well established as being integral to creating an atmosphere filled with tension and dread, but the art of how to use sound effects effectively seems to be a dying art.

I think that was the whole point of setting up some of the jump scares. Since Mr. Boogie used the movies as a gateway into the real world, they could play mind games with audience as to where the sound was actually coming from, as they evil forces invaded the real world, especially towards the end.

I understand what you're saying about the sound, but there are times, when the eerie noise of the reel spinning from running footage helps.

Spoiler

Remember the scene, where Hawke is watching the reel of the lawnmower movie? All you can hear his the sound of the spinning reel, and then out of nowhere, the person pushing the lawnmower uses it to run over someone's face. That creepy silence with the spinning reel in the background did a great job of setting up that jump scare.

I only saw Sinister once in theaters last year, and I loved it. Need to pick it up on DVD or Blu-Ray soon enough. I'm just glad other mainstream horror films are pushing Paranormal Activity further into the background. Last year it was Sinister, the year before that Insidious, this year it's been Mama and The Conjuring. And hopefully Insidious 2 will do well also.

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Paranoia (2013)

**SPOILERS**

Fed up with being an entry level scrub at the Wyatt Corporation, Adam Cassidy (Liam Hemsworth) puts all of his eggs in one basket with a presentation, that could change his ordinary life. With his teammates and friends by his side, Adam gives it his all with a pitch about a new technology for social media, but Adam’s presentation doesn’t impress Nicholas Wyatt (Gary Oldman), the owner and boss of the Wyatt Corporation. The failure of the presentation and a smart remark costs Adam and his friends their jobs, but Adam decides to get a little payback by using a company credit card to run up a sixteen thousand dollar bill at a night club with his friends.

The very next day, Adam is taken back to the Wyatt Corporation against his will by Wyatt’s enforcer and personal bodyguard, Miles Meechum (Julian McMahon). Threatening to press charges against Adam for credit card fraud, Wyatt gives Adam a choice: he can either go to jail, or he can accept a mission from Wyatt to become a spy and infiltrate the Eikon Corporation, Wyatt’s top competitor, so he can learn about and eventually steal a prototype that will change the landscape for technology, and give US soldiers a better fighting chance in the battle field. Using jail time and the hopes of providing a better life for himself and his ill father, Frank (Richard Dreyfuss) as motivation, Adam accepts the offer.

Courtesy of Wyatt’s team and his top assistant, Judith (Embeth Davidtz), Adam receives a makeover, so he can look the part of a hot shot executive with new suits and a lavish apartment. After his first presentation, Adam catches the eye and gains the trust of Jock Goddard (Harrison Ford), Wyatt’s former mentor turned rival and the owner of Eikon. But to pull of the heist, Adam must deceive, Emma Jennings (Amber Heard), Eikon’s Director Of Marketing, and Adam will have to fight his feelings for Emma after a one night stand with Emma before his mission started.

Adam has second thoughts about his promise to Wyatt after receiving a warning from an FBI agent named Gamble (Josh Holloway), but Wyatt uses Frank’s life as collateral, if Adam decides to pull out. Adam is given a deadline to steal the prototype after Wyatt senses betrayal, but at the last possible second, Jock pulls a trump card, that will alter the course of Adam’s mission.

Make no mistake about it. Liam Hemsowrth is the biggest problem here, because the entire story revolves around his character. Hemsworth is such a dull, boring, and uninteresting leading man. And I’m sorry, but he’s not believable as this suave and crafty businessman/whiz kid, who’s one step ahead of everyone else. I have no real complaints about Amber Heard’s performance, but her character is so clichéd (more on that later). Julian McMahon is just there, and he could’ve been replaced by anyone else. And I wish Josh Holloway had more screen time. He had so much potential, as the hard ass FBI agent, but his character is limited to sporadic appearances (in fact, I only counted three: the one at the bar, the one at the house, where Gamble goes to warn Adam about Wyatt, and at the end during the big arrests).

So yeah, the veterans take the cake here. Richard Dreyfuss steals every scene he’s in, making Hemsworth look more inferior in the process. Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford are fantastic here. Oldman is so slimy and detestable throughout the movie, as the rich and power hungry corporate asshole. Ford has his moments as a vulnerable old man, but towards the end, when Jock shows his true colors, Ford does a wonderful job of transforming himself into a villain, who’s just as (if not more) despicable than Oldman.

The rivalry between Jock and Wyatt is the driving force behind Paranoia. Oldman and Ford really sold the hatred and bitterness between both men, and their face to face duels are the highlights of this film. I’m pretty sure you’ve all seen this part in the trailers and TV spots, but it’s a lot more intense, when you actually see it in the film, and the events leading up to it. Jock and Wyatt are going at it, and the heated part of the argument concludes with this:

Wyatt: “YOU STOOD ON MY SHOULDERS!”

Jock: “And now I’m standing on your neck!”

Unfortunately, Paranoia is suffocated by too many clichéd characters. Adam is the typical Average Joe, who wants a better life, and he’s willing to do anything to get it, until he realizes he went too far and made a mistake. Amber Heard’s Emma is a horribly bland “strong woman in the business world, who outworks all the men to prove her worth.” Yeah, Ford and Oldman’s characters are power hungry business men, but they get a pass from me, because their performances are the backbone of this film.

And the predictability? Yikes. Paranoia deserves some credit for a handful of genuinely shocking twists at the end, but the through the motions story before the big finale almost put me to sleep. Adam wanting to back out of Wyatt’s deal, Emma giving Adam a second chance, and falling in love with him after the one night stand, Adam wanting a second chance with Emma after he betrays her, Adam setting the wheels in motion to turn the tables on Wyatt and Jock, and of course, when Adam tries to steal the prototype, everything goes wrong. Oh, and giving away a lot of the major plot points in the trailers didn’t help anything.

Plus, Paranoia is loaded with “Big Brother” material. Adam is being monitored by Miles and other Wyatt associates at his apartment with surveillance cameras, and the Big Brother paranoia (no pun intended) is a reoccurring theme throughout this movie. My reaction to the Big Brother themes and social commentary? Meh. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before in other mainstream mystery suspense thrillers, and the fancy technology and cool graphics couldn’t help Paranoia stand out amongst the pack.

With all that said, I didn’t hate Paranoia. As a thriller, yeah Paranoia is a snoozer and pretty generic (you can see the dramatic big arrests scene and downfall of empires aftermath/ending coming from a mile away), but it’s hard to take your eyes off of Ford and Oldman (Richard Dreyfuss deserves credit too), especially when they’re on screen together. Paranoia definitely had the potential to be a better thriller. With a different director (Robert Luketic‘s style is very bland, and for a thriller, Paranoia is severely lacking in the suspense and thrills department ) and a better leading man, Paranoia could’ve been one of the better summer films this year, easily.

Rating: 4/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Rapture-Palooza (2013)

**SPOILERS**

After The Rapture, Lindsey Lewis (Anna Kendrick), her family, her boyfriend, Ben House (John Francis Daley) and his father, Mr. House (Rob Corddry) are stuck on a post-apocalyptic Earth. Living in Seattle, Lindsey and Ben try to ignore the wraiths, falling asteroids, and blood rainstorms and make the best of the apocalypse by volunteering at the local community center and making a little extra cash on the side by working a sandwich cart, while Mr. House volunteers his services to The Anti-Christ and new ruler of the world.

After using the cover of a slimy politician to hide his true identity, The Anti-Christ uses “The Beast” (Craig Robinson) as a nickname, and as ruler of the world, The Beast is obsessed with power and domination, as he destroys entire cities. But The Beast sets his sights on a new mission, when he spots Lindsey during a visit to his mansion one day. The Beast will stop at nothing to take Lindsey’s virginity, so he gives Lindsey an ultimatum: after eight hours pass, Lindsey must have sex with The Beast, or The Beast will use his forces to kill off Lindsey’s mother, Mrs. Lewis ( Ana Gasteyer), her boyfriend, and Lindsey’s remaining family and friends on Earth.

Lindsey and Ben come up with a plan to stop The Beast once and for all, and save the world with the help of a wraith/next door neighbor named Mr. Murphy (Tom Lennon), who’s obsessed with cutting his lawn and lawnmowers. But Lindsey and Ben run into some trouble, when a loyal Mr. House tries to foil their plans, and Lindsey quickly runs out of options, while stalling for time with The Beast.

Anna Kendrick has found a nice niche for herself as an innocent, geeky, and somewhat naïve woman in most of her films. More often than not, Kendrick sticks to the same routine, but she’s likeable and funny, and nothing changes here. Daley is dead weight, because he’s carried by Kendrick, Robinson, Corddry, and Lennon throughout the film. And speaking of Corddry, he’s hilarious as the unapologetic traitor/kiss-ass, who will do anything to remain in The Beast’s good graces. When it comes to Ana Gasteyer, I don’t think you’ll have any middle ground. Gasteyer is a hyper nervous wreck, as the uptight housewife/widow, and she goes WAY over the top with her performance. Personally, I enjoyed Gasteyer, but I could see why others would be annoyed by her.

Craig Robinson is really hit and miss for me most of the time, but he’s able to provide a good amount of laughs, as this pompous and heartless jerk with a massive ego. Ken Jeong has a little cameo towards the very end as God. Usually, I can’t stand Jeong, but he’s tolerable enough, because of limited screen time. Too much of Jeong isn’t a good thing, because his act becomes tiresome quickly. It’s why I can’t stand his overexposure in The Hangover films. And well I hate to admit it, but Jeong actually put a smile on my face here. But a lot of that comes from the shocking irony of Jeong as God, because you would never picture someone like Jeong playing such a character.

Rapture-Palooza is a low budget film, and you can clearly see it. The CGI talking birds and crows, the talking grasshopper, the asteroids, the lighting, and Beast’s doomsday laser cannon. Rapture-Palooza looks cheap. There’s no denying that, but the set pieces and CGI don’t drag the quality of Rapture-Palooza down. I hate to take another shot the SyFy Channel, but they usually set the bar for low quality effects, and Rapture-Palooza’s special effects aren’t as cheap and tacky as a SyFy channel original.

Rapture-Palooza has a few overkill problems, with the crows and birds constantly shouting obscenities being the most obvious example, but I still enjoyed this film. Rapture-Palooza provides consistent laughs, and the rock solid cast (minus Daley) delivers a good set of entertaining comedic performances. Rapture-Palooza is mindless and silly fun, and they didn’t go overboard with the vulgar humor here. Most of the raunchy stuff comes from Robinson’s Beast, and when it comes to the humor and jokes, Rapture-Palooza did a nice job of mixing it up with a good amount of variety. And for my money, this is best post-apocalyptic comedy I’ve seen this year. Much better than that overrated piece of shit This Is The End.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

You're Next (2013)

**A few minor spoilers, nothing major**

To celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary, Paul Davison (Rob Moran) and Aubrey Davison (Barbara Crampton) invite their children to their vacation home deep in the woods. With some lasting friction between them, Paul and Aubrey’s sons Crispian (A.J. Bowen) and Drake (Joe Swanberg) snipe at each other, while Drake’s wife, Kelly (Margaret Lanely) tries to be a peacemaker, and Crispian’s girlfriend, Erin (Sharni Vinson) is stuck in the middle. Meanwhile, Paul and Aubrey’s other son, Felix (Nicholas Tucci) remains anti-social and grumpy with his quiet, but creepy girlfriend, Zee (Wendy Glenn). As the most normal child in the family, Paul and Aubrey’s cheery daughter, Aimee (Amy Seimetz) is happy with her boyfriend, Tariq (Ti West).

When the night of the big dinner arrives, Crispian and Drake go at each other’s throats during the feast, after Drake makes a slight remark about his relationship with Erin. But the argument is cut short, when an arrow bursts through a window and Tariq’s forehead, killing him. A mysterious group of men wearing animal masks and dressed in all black are armed with crossbows, axes, and machetes as they stalk, hunt, and plan to kill anyone inside the house. With no clear exits, and cell phones with no signals, everyone is forced to work together for survival. But who are these men, and why are they determined to slaughter innocent people?

Kind of sucks how Ti West had to die so early. I didn’t even realize this until I actually saw the movie a few hours ago, but Ti West is the guy, who’s killed after looking out the window in the trailers. Remember how something (an arrow) breaks through the window, a guy falls to the ground dead, and everyone starts screaming and freaking out? Yeah, that’s Ti West, and his appearance here is limited to cameo status, because he’s killed off a few minutes after the introduction of his character. And ironically enough, West’s character is a filmmaker.

The honor for best performance in You’re Next goes to Sharni Vinson, easily. She’s fierce, fearless, tough, and you can’t question her believability as a bad ass. It’s a refreshing change for horror films, because the fighting woman is usually panicky and frightened, screams to the top of her lungs every five minutes, and her acts of bravery are limited to blind strokes of luck after she kills or maims an antagonist (or antagonists). And on top of that, Vinson was able to show some vulnerability and shed some tears after Erin discovers the truth behind the attacks at the very end.

Runner up would go to Joe Swanberg. He provides most of the laughs, as the obnoxious and pushy dick. And Wendy Glenn is really, really creepy and dark as Zee, especially towards the end. And A.J. Bowen is appropriately pretentious and snobbish as Crispian, who is a real douchebag throughout this film. Rest of the cast never rises above okay or decent enough quality wise. That, or their characters are killed off too soon to make a significant impact on the story.

Looking for likeable characters, who you can root for and form a bond with? Well, you won’t find too many in You’re Next. In fact, Vinson portrays the only likeable character, as Erin emerges from the pack as the gutsy leader, who won’t quit no matter what.

In a lot of the promo ads and trailers for this film, you’ll see You’re Next pushed as a fresh and different home invasion horror film. Well, that’s bullshit for the most part. Erin being a fighting heroine is a nice change, but You’re Next is still loaded with predictable horror clichés, and stupid, STUPID characters. The clichés? “Hey! Let’s split up from the group, and isolate ourselves in separate rooms, while a bunch of killers are hunting us!” Opening doors you shouldn’t open, people randomly running out of the house with NO protection or weapons, and taking time to look under the bed, when you damn well know there’s someone hiding under there. And of course, the protagonists realize staying inside the house is probably safer than “making a run for it” after the people, who tried to run return as dismembered corpses. Ugh. And you can tell, who the sole survivor will be at the very end, as the story develops. You’re Next tries to throw you off the trail every now and then, but it’s too obvious.

But with all that said, You’re Next deserves a lot of credit for two genuinely shocking twists for, “who’s pulling the strings?” The first twist becomes more obvious in the events leading up to it, but the second one during the big finale really caught me off guard. I won’t give away too much, but money and greed are the key motivations for the attacks.

It’s not perfect, but still, I really enjoyed You’re Next. It’s a bloody and gory home invasion horror flick, that’s loaded with a lot of gruesome and nasty deaths, and a few decent jump scares (mainly at the beginning). I don’t want to give it away, but the blender death (you’ll know it, when you see it) is the most repulsive death scene in this film, and the home made weapons and traps are just brutal (boards with nails in them, Erin’s axe contraption, etc.). You’re Next should please the most bloodthirsty gore fiends, and the jaw-dropping kills are more than capable of making you cringe. Plus, the cliffhanger to close out the movie is just perfect.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Bay (2012)

**SPOILERS**

On July 4, 2009, a college student named Donna Thompson (Kether Donohue) travels to the small bay town of Claridge, Maryland to document and cover the town’s annual Fourth Of July festivities. But things take a drastic turn for the worst, when contestants in a crab eating contest start vomiting non stop. Mayor Stockman (Frank Deal) tries to dismiss and ignore the epidemic, but throughout the day and into the night, more town residents and visitors contract a mysterious and fatal flesh eating illness. Research reveals signs leading up to the outbreak, including chicken feces contaminating the local water supply, the mutilated dead bodies of two divers, and piles and piles of dead fish and birds. Eventually, mutated parasites are revealed as the source of the illness.

During the chaos, Donna struggles to find answers and help, because the FBI and the government step in and cut off all communications to the outside world. The death toll rises beyond the seven hundred mark, and the remaining survivors of Claridge struggle to find help and avoid contact with the infected. Meanwhile, unaware of the death and devastation, Stephanie (Kristen Connolly), her husband, and infant son arrive at the Claridge docks at night to visit Stephanie’s grandparents…..

The Bay did a good job of tugging on my “this could actually happen in real life” thought process. The news clips of dead fish and birds helped, and the bits of information piecing together the mystery provided a necessary feeling of authenticity. But the little cover up about the chicken feces contaminating the water supply is the clincher. When you actually see the footage of the chickens, and you see them feeding, it makes you believe a similar epidemic could happen in real life, especially in a small, homely town.

And The Bay is my type of found-footage film. It’s no secret I usually despise this sub-genre, but The Bay gets it right. Attention to details is a BIG reason for The Bay’s strong sense of realism. They make sure to thoroughly identify all the medics, doctors, scientists, and marine biologists by explaining their job titles, backgrounds, and the tasks they’re performing.

Barry Levinson (the director) has a crafty touch of weaving in the real life news footage, the found footage from the citizens of Claridge, and Donna’s recorded footage, because Levinson gives you the impression you’re watching a real documentary with the real life footage. A teenage couple’s video camera was damaged by water during an attack, and they use this as a reason for the glitches in the video. And certain videos received audio enhancements, because everything was too unclear to understand the first time around. You also get the POV from citizens of Claridge, as they use their video cameras and cell phones (not just videos or pictures, text messages also) to document the hysteria. Good stuff.

The Bay has a few jump scares here and there, but nothing to really brag about. A sense of realism enhances the terror in this film, and on top of that, Levinson provides the perfect spooky atmosphere. Towards the end, Claridge looks like a ghost town, because you’ll see dead and dismembered bodies all throughout the streets and on front lawns, and there’s this eerie silence at night, as Stephanie and her husband search for help in a seemingly deserted town. Plus, there’s the video footage of two cops going to check out a house full of infected people. They don’t actually show what’s going on inside the house. You just hear the screams of the infected, gunshots, and people begging for their lives. It’s a good example of less is more, because you’re wondering what’s going on in the house. It must be pretty terrible and frightening, if people are screaming to the top of their lungs, and literally begging for a mercy killing, right?

If blood, gore, and other nasty stuff bothers you, you should probably avoid The Bay. You’ll see a lot of blood, vomit, and mangled bodies, as the parasites crawl in and out of their victims. No real complaints about the quality of acting from the cast, but I rolled my eyes at Frank Deal’s character, because he’s your typical and clichéd dirty politician, who’ll do anything to snag some votes.

The Bay is one of the better found-footage horror films I’ve seen. You can really feel the panic, fear, and hopelessness from everyone in Claridge. Although, The Bay has some boring periods, as they try to explain the situation, and the doctor’s video chats with the CVC almost put me to sleep. Still, it’s nice to see a found-footage horror film break away from the mold of a bunch of idiots running around in the dark, screaming, and shaking the fucking camera every two minutes.

Rating: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (1973)

**SPOILERS**

Preparing to start a new chapter in their lives, Alex (Jim Hutton) and Sally (Kim Darby) Farnham move into a house previously owned by Sally’s deceased grandparents. Sally’s grandmother left the house to Sally in her will, and an elderly Mr. Harris (William Demarest), the same handyman, who worked on and repaired the house, when Sally’s grandparents were alive, agrees to work on some renovations and repairs for Alex and Sally as a sign of respect for Sally’s grandmother.

Alex spends most of his time working and on business trips, leaving Sally in the house by herself. Out of curiosity, Sally decides to open a fireplace in the study sealed up years ago by Mr. Harris at the request of Sally’s grandmother, ignoring warnings from Mr. Harris. Sally unknowingly unleashes a group of miniature creatures from the fireplace. But after numerous creature sightings and pleas for help, Alex refuses to believe Sally. Instead, Alex suggests Sally see a psychiatrist for help. The creatures plan to abduct Sally to take her spirit, because, whoever sets the creatures free must become one of them, and return to the fireplace. And a few hours before the planned abduction, the creatures accidentally kill the interior decorator, Mr. Perez (Pedro Armendariz, Jr.) by tripping him down a flight of stairs with a small rope that was meant for Sally.

Sally is able to convince her best friend, Joan (Barbara Anderson), and Alex changes his mind after Mr. Harris explains the history of the house, the fireplace, and the mysterious disappearance of Sally’s grandfather. The creature’s main weakness is light, but Sally will have to rely on a camera, candles, and one flashlight after the creatures cut the power to the house during the night.

I won’t sit here and pretend to be a Kim Darby expert, because I’m not. In fact, I’ve only seen her in this film and the original True Grit. But Darby easily steals the show as Sally. You’ll see Darby slowly unravel into a paranoid and frightened mess before it’s all over. Two scenes that stick out are the scene at the dinner table, where one of the creatures pulls Sally’s table cloth from her lap, and Darby screams “ALEX!!! ALEX!!! PLEASE!!!” The other is after the creatures kill Perez, and Sally is tugging on the rope with the creatures, and she says “Who are you??? What do you want???” This was towards the end of the film, and you could really feel Darby’s frustration, because Sally was so sick and tired of being tormented and taunted by the creatures.

Jim Hutton is the domineering and stern man of the house/husband, but he shows some vulnerability at the end, as Alex screams for Sally (more on that later). Demarest is believable as the stubborn, paranoid, and fussy old man, who won’t back down in an argument. And speaking of arguments, the funniest parts of Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark come from an argument between Alex and Mr. Harris, because Harris believes in the supernatural, and of course, Alex thinks it’s all ridiculous nonsense. And Barbara Anderson is harmless as Joan.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark takes the slow burn approach. The reveals are carefully spaced out and hints are dropped one by one, until the big finale. The slow burn technique might bore some, but Darby is the one, who pulls everything together. After a while, you can actually see the creatures, but you’re so caught up in Sally’s hysteria, because at certain points in the film, Sally is so freaked out by what’s happening, she tries to convince herself the creatures aren’t real.

The series of events leading up to the ending and the ending itself are done so well. Alex rushes to Harris’ place to learn more about the history of the house. Meanwhile, Joan is trying to protect Sally, and the creatures cut off the power outside. The events of Joan struggling to turn the power back on and get back inside the house after the creatures lock her out, the creatures finally capturing Sally, and Alex and Mr. Harris rushing back to the house are spliced together. The first time I watched this movie years ago, I was on the edge of my seat, because it was almost impossible to predict what would happen next. Will Joan get back into the house, and save Sally in time? Will Alex and Mr. Harris arrive in time to help stop the creatures? Or is Sally doomed with no one to help her?

It’s a fantastic suspenseful finale that’s executed to perfection, and Sally’s horrifying screams, as Alex breaks into the house provide the perfect cliffhanger, because Alex, Joan, and Mr. Harris were only seconds away from saving Sally’s life. Hutton does a wonderful job of selling Alex’s heartbreak with a horrified look on his face, as Alex looks into the fireplace, searching for Sally after dropping the flashlight, because Sally would still be alive and safe, if Alex just listened to her in the first place. Speaking of this finale, am I the only one, who notices the sudden changes from night to day? It’s supposed to be nighttime, and when Joan runs outside, you can clearly see it’s dark outside. BUT there’s one shot, where Joan is trying to turn the power back on and get back in the house, and you can clearly see daylight outside. Weird.

The creatures are appropriately freakish. They look like little evil goblins, and their hoarse voices are so creepy, as they stalk Sally, “We want you, Sally!” “It’s your spirit we need!” Plus, director John Newland does a wonderful job of creating some genuinely spooky and chilling atmospherics. You won’t see any real jump scares in Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark, but Newland provides enough haunting tension to make up for any missed “jump out of your seat” moments.

Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark was a made-for-TV movie that premiered on ABC back in 1973 on October 10th, and you can clearly see the parts of the film that lead into commercial breaks here. But of course, Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark gained a cult following from the horror fan base over the years. The film was released on VHS in the 80‘s, on DVD in 2009, went out of print, and then they released it again on DVD in 2011 (didn’t hesitate to pick it up on the release date, because I missed out the first time around) to help promote the remake.

A lot of horror aficionados like to praise this film as a forgotten classic. A gem? Yeah, I could live with that type of praise. But a classic? I think that’s going a bit far. Take away the commercial break pauses, and you wouldn’t be able to tell Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark is a TV movie….but you can see the commercial break pauses. Look, Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark is better than your average TV movie from any genre. I won’t deny that. But hearing some other people praise this film, you would think Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark is worthy of ten Academy Awards and a spot in the National Film Registry. Come on now. It’s not that good.

But I’ll say this, Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark features one of my favorite openings ever. The music, the black cat, the voices of the creatures, and the rustling of the leaves in the wind. Everything has the right amount of spook. And before you actually see the creatures, you’re wondering where the voices are coming from, and who are they waiting for? Take a look!

[YOUTUBE]Miv4wdJ_0wQ[/YOUTUBE]​

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark (2011)

**SPOILERS**

Early in the 19th century, Lord Emerson Blackwood (Garry McDonald) sets a trap for his maid one night. Blackwood, a reclusive man and painter, waits in the basement of his mansion in Providence County, Rhode Island, until the maid falls down the staircase, after stumbling over Blackwood’s trip wire. Blackwood uses a hammer and chisel to murder the maid by smashing out her teeth. With hopes of seeing his son again, Blackwood offers the maid’s teeth and some of his own teeth to small creatures, who live within the fireplace of Blackwood’s basement. But the creatures refuse to return Blackwood’s kidnapped son. Instead, the creatures pull Blackwood into the fireplace to take him as another prisoner.

Years later, Alex (Guy Pearce) and his new girlfriend, Kim (Katie Holmes) await the arrival of Alex’s young daughter, Sally (Bailee Madison) at the airport. With her parents divorced, Sally’s mother believes a change would help Sally, so Sally is sent to live with her father in Providence County. Sally, bitter and furious about having to move away from her mother, refuses to accept Kim as the new mother figure in her life. As Sally tries to adjust to her new life, Alex is more concerned with renovations on the new home: Lord Blackwood’s old mansion. Alex will do anything he can to impress Architectural Digest magazine, and a wealthy businessman named Mr. Jacoby (Alan Dale), but in the process, he ignores his daughter.

Desperate and lonely, Sally eventually finds the sealed basement, where Blackwood vanished. Here, she listens to the voices of the creatures, who trick her into becoming friends with them. Mr. Harris (Jack Thompson), an elderly worker, who’s helping with the repairs, has history with Blackwood Manor dating back to his grandfather, who also worked as a repairman on the mansion. Harris, knowing the dark history of the mansion, pleads with Alex to leave the basement alone, but Alex refuses, and breaks open the barricades blocking the entrance to the basement.

The creatures, still trapped in the sealed fireplace, use Sally’s desperation for companionship against her, and they convince Sally to open the fireplace and release them. The creatures stalk and torment Sally throughout the house, but Alex, believing his daughter is mentally ill, calls a psychiatrist to the house to evaluate Sally. The creatures leave a rare silver coin underneath Sally’s pillow, but in exchange for the coin, the creatures want Sally and her teeth. Kim believes in Sally’s fears, and after a wounded Mr. Harris (Harris was attacked by the creatures after trying to reseal the fireplace) instructs Kim to visit the local library for more information on Blackwood and the creatures, Kim urges Alex to leave the mansion. Discovering their only true weakness, Sally uses light to fight the creatures, and Sally is forced to rely on light and Kim to save her from an eternity of imprisonment in the dark depths of the fireplace.

Well, the most obvious change in the remake is Sally. She’s not a fully grown woman and a housewife. Sally is a small child, who’s lonely and struggling to adjust to her new life. For my money, Bailee Madison’s Sally is better than Kim Darby’s Sally. Sally comes off as this disrespectful brat at first, but Madison does a better job of showing the emotional heartache and desperation, as her pleas about the real existence of monsters are ignored. Adding the dynamic of the homesick and lonely child to the Sally character helps, but Madison still deserves all the credit for being able to pull it off. A few more layers are added to the Sally character, and Madison nailed each one. The disruptive brat, the lonely outcast, the fragile child, who’s begging for someone to understand her, and Sally uses her amateur drawings (including drawings of the creatures) to express herself. Madison was given a tougher challenge with 2011 Sally. She conquered that challenge, and that’s the main reason why she gets my pick for being better than Darby.

Jim Hutton’s Alex was a strict and domineering husband, but Guy Pearce’s Alex is more of a pompous and pretentious douchebag. Alan Dale’s Mr. Harris resembles Demarest’s Mr. Harris from the original (i.e. the paranoid old man, who tries to warn everyone of the dangers within the fireplace), and I don’t have any real complaints about Katie Holmes as a new addition. Remember, there’s no divorce, and Alex doesn’t have a girlfriend in the original. Holmes is harmless as Kim. The character is somewhat of a cliché, because Kim is the “new woman” in Sally’s life, and she refuses to accept her. Kim is torn between trying to please Sally, while helping Alex as the new authority figure/parent in Sally’s life. But Holmes deserves credit for a strong effort.

Of course, this film was released in 2011, so you have to expect CGI creatures. Others will complain, but I actually enjoy the CGI upgrades for the creatures. They have a more monstrous and intimidating look. Plus, I like the idea of giving the creatures a more thorough backstory. There’s a diabolical mystique surrounding the creatures, as ancient and sinister tooth fairies, who won’t take no for an answer.

You have to expect changes in any remake, but I give Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark 2011 credit for adding some new changes and paying homage to the original. A few examples of the winks to the original include the creatures using a trip wire to catch Sally, but instead, someone else (Kim) gets caught in the trap. That’s reminiscent of the creatures trying the same thing with Sally in the original, but they caught Mr. Perez instead. And the final moments of the remake resemble the ‘73 original (“we have all the time in the world”), with the exception of Sally and Alex returning to the mansion.

Guillermo del Toro (who loved the original as a kid) is a producer for this film, and he helped with the screenplay. You can see del Toro’s touch throughout this film, because the remake is full of visual splendor, with Sally’s carousel night light being a noticeable standout. Although, the landscape in the remake lacks a lot of the eerie spookiness in the original.

Like the original, the remake takes the slow burn approach towards the build to the big finale. Problem is, if you’ve seen the original, you won’t be able to feel the suspense and shock factor of the creatures revealing their big plan for Sally (“WE WANT YOU!”). So when Kim goes to the library to do some research on Blackwood and the mansion, and she finds out the big secret behind what the creatures want, there‘s a good chance you‘ll (for people who saw the original) have a facepalm type of reaction, because you already know what’s coming before Kim goes to the library. Then again, the remake’s foreshadowing for the creature’s plans are very obvious, so feeling the void of the intended shock factor probably won‘t matter either way.

Overall, I enjoy Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark as a modernized and polished remake of the ‘73 original. As I said before, you have to expect changes in a remake, and Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark managed to mix in some new material, while paying homage to the original in an attempt to please fans (although some will bitch no matter what). Oh, and the ending with Kim being yanked into the fireplace is one of the most cringeworthy moments you’ll see in any horror film. The way her legs and ankles snap in half, when the creatures slam her against the fireplace door…ouch.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Getaway (2013)

**Minor spoilers, nothing major**

During the Christmas season, an ex race-car driver named Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke) is forced into a series of missions to save his kidnapped wife, Leanne (Rebecca Budig). Following the orders of a mysterious voice, Brent steals a Shelby Mustang Super Snake equipped with surveillance cameras out of a parking garage, but Brent runs into some trouble, when a teenage girl threatens him at gunpoint.

The Kid (Selena Gomez) wants the car, but The Voice commands Brent to take the girl as a hostage and an assistant for his planned missions. If Brent is caught by the police, or if he doesn’t succeed in his missions, The Voice promises to kill his wife. Time is running out as Brent races through the city with the uncooperative Kid, but who is The Voice, and why is he determined to torture Brent?

I’m always indifferent to Ethan Hawke. I don’t think he’s a horrible actor or anything like that, but I’ve never seen one truly great performance from him. As usual, Hawke portrays a conflicted man, who’s torn between doing the right thing to save his loved ones, or doing something unethical to make lots of money and/or save his family (think Training Day, and more recently Sinister). Brent mentions how he fell on hard times after an accident on the race track, and how he had to turn to a life of crime to put some money in his pocket and provide a living for himself and his wife. Hawke is believable here, but his performance isn’t good enough to elevate the quality of this film.

Selena Gomez? She seems like a real nice and humble person in real life to the point, where I almost feel bad saying something negative about her. But she’s not believable in her role, at all. The Kid (they never mention her real name) is supposed to be this tough, rebellious, and savvy tech expert, and there’s a scene where Gomez flips off a garbage truck, that almost crashed into the Mustang. Yeah, I’m sorry, but Gomez’s look is far too innocent and cute to pull off such a character. Gomez looks like the type of person, who enjoys blueberry muffins and all things pink, not someone who uses foul language, and holds a gun to your head.

By now you should know Getaway is being panned by the critics, and it’s a box office flop. Well, Getaway is a generic action/thriller for the most part, and Getaway is by far one of the most preposterous films I’ve seen this year. I love how every time Brent and The Kid run into some trouble while trying to outrun the cops, Brent conveniently finds an open alleyway, a spot to hide the car, and a flight of stairs to drive down into parks and open fields. I know the Mustang is supposed to be an armored car, but come on now. I can’t count the number of times other cars crash into the Mustang, the Mustang runs into some blockade, or other cars run the Mustang off the road, and SOMEHOW Brent just keeps driving along, as he escapes the cop’s numerous attempts to catch him. And towards the end, Brent is able to drive through a huge traffic jam, when damn near every street in the city is blocked off.

You’ll see plenty of complaints out there about the hectic editing and quick cuts during Brent’s high speed chases through the city. Well, I can sort of understand the logic behind that. You see, The Voice had his people attach cameras to the Mustang, so you’re not only seeing Brent and The Kid’s point of view from the Mustang, you’re seeing The Voice’s POVs also, as he watches everything on different cameras. I’ll admit, watching the chases from the POV of the cameras can be nauseating at times, but overall, I thought it was a unique technique to see everything from The Voice’s eyes.

Getaway is LOADED with problems, but I’ll give the writers some credit for a few surprising twists surrounding Gomez’s character and The Voice. They don’t show The Voice’s face until the end, so until the finale, they tease you with sporadic shots of his mouth and eyes. I mean, you should know, who he is. It’s not that hard to figure out if you pay attention to the trailers and TV spots, and the man behind The Voice is someone, who’s been around for a while. But my praise for the twists surrounding The Voice aren’t towards concealing his identity. It’s for the genuinely shocking bait-and-switch trick they pull at the end.

Hard rating, because I’d be lying to you, if I said I didn’t laugh my ass off throughout this film. The chase scenes are repetitive. Brent somehow finds an open alleyway or flight of stairs, and as Brent swerves around the cops, their cars crash into something else, causing an endless barrage of cop cars doing 360 flips in the air. Still, I really don’t think Getaway is as bad as people are making it out to be. I had some fun with this one as a guilty pleasure, but I couldn’t live with myself if I went with a positive score.

Rating: 4/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Jobs (2013)

**No spoilers**


Well, I’ll just get this out of the way first: Ashton Kutcher is surprisingly entertaining in the leading role. Kutcher gave an admirable effort in Jobs. He really dedicated himself to this role 100%, you can clearly see it (i.e. Kutcher mimicking Jobs movements, which include the abnormal walking style of a gangly man), and it’s a rare occurrence, but Kutcher’s performance isn’t the biggest problem here, not by a long shot.

Rest of the cast ranges from so-so to solid. Josh Gad is entertaining and adds most of the comic relief in his usual role of the awkward and nerdy outcast, and as you would expect, J.K. Simmons is a nice fit for the demanding and overbearing authority figure. Plus, Dermont Mulroney and Matthew Modine are believable in their roles, as the clean cut and slimy businessmen, who won’t hesitate to stab you in the back. James Woods has a role here, but it’s limited to cameo status.

The direction of Jobs constantly strays into two territories, creating too much confusion to the point where I asked myself two questions throughout the movie: is Jobs trying to be a biopic about Steve Jobs? Or is Jobs trying to be a docudrama about Apple? They tried to give the audience a heavy dose of explaining and recalling the events of Steve Jobs’ life and the rise of Apple as a company, but the material doesn’t mesh together to form a cohesive and clear biopic. No, everything jumbles together so tight to the point where it feels like you’re watching two films in one.

Also, the tone for how Jobs wanted to portray Steve Jobs the man isn’t clear. You’ll clearly see Steve Jobs is willing to do anything and sacrifice anything to be the best and be the first to achieve innovation. Friendships, family, previous relationships. It doesn’t matter. If Steve Jobs feels like you’re holding him back for whatever reason, he will cut all ties with you without thinking twice about it. Sounds like a ruthless and cold-hearted person, huh? But no matter what, Jobs sticks to a sympathetic tone for Kutcher. Whether he’s right, obsessive, wrong, or flat out delusional, Steve Jobs has a good heart? So in the end, Jobs feels like a massive contradiction of itself.

Ashton Kutcher having the spitting image look to resemble Steve Jobs helps, and his performance isn’t a big problem here. Still, Jobs is a pretty lousy film. The production values aren’t anything to brag about, and I guarantee you Jobs could pass as a made-for-TV movie. Jobs is a bland, painfully boring, and uninspired biopic, that almost put me to sleep about three or four times, and the sappy moments reach a “too unbearable” point more than once.

Rating: 2/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Bereavement (2010)

**SPOILERS**

It’s 1989, and within the small town of Minersville, Pennsylvania, a local recluse named Graham Sutter (Brett Rickaby) lures a young Martin Bristol (Spencer List) away from his mother and the swing set in his backyard with the promise of a new bicycle. At the abandoned meat packing plant, where Graham worked with his father as a child, Graham forces Martin to witness his secret life as a serial killer, as Graham kidnaps, tortures, and murders young women within the plant. Too horrified to speak, and suffering from a rare condition where he’s unable to feel physical pain, Martin is forced into a life of being Graham’s pupil/assistant, as Graham contiues his killing spree, while worshiping the skeletal remains in a shrine that include a bull’s skull.

Five years later, Allison Miller (Alexandra Daddario) arrives in Minersville to live with her uncle Jonathan Miller (Michael Biehn), his wife Karen (Kathryn Meisle), and their daughter Wendy (Peyton List). Allison is forced into her new life, because she had nowhere else to go after her parents were killed in a car accident by an SUV. Lonely and heartbroken, Allison forms a bond with a troubled local teen named William (Nolan Gerard Funk).

Meanwhile, Martin continues his secret life as a serial killer of young women with Martin at as his side. But moving on will be the least of Allison’s worries. One day, Allison accidentally spots Martin in the abandoned meat packing plant while jogging, and Allison’s curiosity will put her on a dangerous collision course with Graham.

Looking for a significant amount of spotlight on Michael Biehn? Don’t get your hopes up and don’t let the box cover fool you, because Biehn is the only actor with any real name value here, so they had to use the only form of star power they had to sell the movie. Biehn’s character is pushed into the background here, because the vast majority of focus goes to Allison, Graham, and Martin.

Daddario is believable in her role, as the lost teen, who’s looking for someone to bond with, and although he doesn’t speak a word here, List did a wonderful job of conveying his emotions through facial expressions (a lot of the cold, heartless stares towards the end) and body language. And Brett Rickaby is spot on as the delusional and bloodthirsty sociopath. Rickaby does a great job of selling Graham’s outrage (“WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME!”) and his dedication to the shrine, and he’s able to convince you Graham is this delusional nutcase, who believes he’s doing the right thing (or a sort of cleansing service for mankind). Also, Bereavement is loaded with a handful of ear shattering scream queens (including Daddario). No joke, I had to turn the volume down a few times, because my ear drums couldn’t take it.

Writer/director Stevan Mena slowly merges both storylines together. On one hand, you have Allison trying to adjust to her new life, and move on after the death of her parents. On the other, you have Graham grooming and training Martin to be a cold-blooded killer. Mena does a good job of smoothly merging both storylines together, creating a hectic and suspenseful finale at the end. Plus, Mena deserves some credit for creating a few spooky atmospherics. A prime example of a spooky setting would be Martin’s dream of finally escaping Graham. Martin is running for his life, until he stops in an open field. Martin stops in his tracks, when he spots the bull skull shrine Graham worships in the distance….and the bull skull quickly turns to make eye contact with Martin. After that, Martin snaps out of it, and he awakes in the real world. Eerie stuff.

Truth be told, I wasn’t too crazy about Bereavement, until the finale started to unfold. Don’t get me wrong, I was enjoying Bereavement, but nothing blew me away. But when Allison decides to go after Martin inside the meat packing plant on a rescue mission, I was hooked in, and I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. Graham eventually returns, captures Allison, and congratulates Martin for the setup. Allison is locked inside a freezer, and it looks like William is about to rescue her…..but Graham sneaks up from behind him, and bashes William’s head in with a shovel.

Back at the Miller household, Graham decides to tie up any loose ends by burning down the house with the Miller’s dead bodies inside, so no one else will suspect anything fishy. After she escapes the meat packing plant with Martin, Allison tries to call 911, while the house is burning….but Martin pops out of a closet, and he brutally stabs Allison to death. Mena deserves credit for this genuinely surprising swerve, because I can honestly say Martin killing Allison caught me off guard. You could see Martin turning on Graham coming from a mile away, and he did (Martin kills Graham at the end), but killing Allsion? No way. I mean, it’s only natural to believe this young kid would be overly grateful for the savior, who FINALLY rescued him from the clutches of the madman, who traumatized him and ruined his life, right? That’s why Martin killing Allison was such a huge shock, because logic leads you to believe Martin wouldn’t hesitate to leave a life of murder and torture behind him.

My only complaint about the finale is Michael Biehn’s unceremonious death. Jonathan goes to Graham’s house to find Allison after she disappears. Graham denies ever seeing Allison, but Allison screams for her uncle. Graham gets a shotgun, and he kills Jonathan by putting a giant hole in his chest. Jonathan’s end was so abrupt and out of left field, and Biehn easily receives the most underwhelming and disappointing death in Bereavement.

Of course, Bereavement isn’t perfect. One gaping hole in logic that bothered me, is how NOBODY in this small and quiet little town noticed the odd behavior of the creepy recluse, who drives around in a old, beat up black van. Still, Bereavement is a solid entry into the Indy American horror scene. Mena doesn’t go overboard with the blood, gore, and nasty stuff. He shows just enough to gross you out, and I usually appreciate this approach more, because this approach plays with the “OUCH! That had to hurt! Or “Wow. That must’ve been PAINFUL” side of your imagination.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

**Minor spoilers, nothing major**

Following the events of Insidious, Elise (Lin Shaye) is dead, and Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) is the prime suspect in her murder. While the police sweep and inspect the house for clues, Josh, his wife Renai (Rose Byrne), their sons Dalton (Ty Simpkins) and Foster (Andrew Astor), and their infant daughter move into Josh’s childhood home, which is also his mother Lorraine’s (Barbara Hershey) current home.

But after Renai spots the ghost of a woman, it’s clear The Lambert’s haven’t done enough to distance themselves from The Further. With the help of Carl (Steve Coulter), another paranormal investigator and old friend of Elise, and a returning Specs (Leigh Whannell) and Tucker (Angus Sampson), The Lamberts try to rid themselves of the evil entities, who will stop at nothing to possess their souls and kill anyone, who gets in their way.

Zero complaints from the cast. Insidious was elevated by a handful of strong performances, and nothing changes here, with Rose Byrne taking the honor for the top spot. Also, Whannell and Sampson provided most of the comic relief again, as Tucker and Specs (Tucker and Spec‘s using The Bear VS The Ninja as their version of rock-paper-scissors was hilarious).

I love James Wan, but Chapter 2 is lacking a lot of the atmospheric tension that made Insidious a great film. In Chapter 2, Wan gives you a more thorough and in-depth look at The Further (the spirit world where all the ghosts live). On one hand, giving the audience a step by step walk through for different parts of The Further ties up a lot of loose ends in the original, and it’s a treat for people, who wanted to see more of The Further, because Josh didn’t make the trip into The Further until the very end of the film in part one.

The bad side? The Further is not scary or spooky at all. In Insidious, the less is more approach worked better, because you didn’t see that much of The Further. In Chapter 2, about 80% of the movie takes place in The Further. Sorry, but wooden horses covered in cobwebs, rocking back and forth by themselves, ghosts with pasty make up, and a wrinkly, naked old man (the darkness covers his private parts, but he’s still naked) aren’t scary.

Which brings me to another problem in Chapter 2: too many unintentionally funny moments. The old man repeating “He’s got your baby! He’s got your baby! He’s got your baby!” is the most obvious one you’ve all seen in the trailers and TV spots, and the pale faced woman standing up, turning around, and screaming while pointing is another good example. Specs and Tucker are okay, because they’re supposed to be funny, and add some comedy for breathing room. But everything else is too much, and I can’t count the number of times I laughed, when I wasn’t supposed to.

Insidious had some GREAT, surprising jump scares. Chapter 2? Not so much. Wan’s jump scares were more genuinely shocking the first time around, and you couldn’t see most of them coming. One thing that annoys me to no end about mainstream PG-13 horror films is, the jump scares are so easy to telegraph, and unfortunately, Chapter 2 falls into the same trap.

Although, Insidious Chapter 2 deserves a lot of credit for tying up some loose ends in the first film. I loved the first film, but it’s hard to ignore the “How did that happen?” questions that pop up every now and then. Behind the camera, Wan uses a crafty technique that blends events and footage from the first film into the present during Chapter 2, as Josh tries to retrace his steps in The Further to save his family. Chapter 2 put a lot of effort into filling in some of the holes in original, and I appreciate this approach, because you rarely (if ever) see this type of effort in sequels, especially horror sequels.

Tough rating, because Chapter 2 isn’t good as the original, but it’s not horrible either. And yeah, the cast is a big reason why I won’t go with a negative score here. Is Chapter worse than most horror number twos? No. No it's not, but on the flip side, it’s nothing to brag about either.

By now, I’m sure everyone knows Insidious: Chapter 2 had a strong opening weekend for a low budget horror film, and it’s official now, we’re getting an Insidious 3. Because you know, it made a lot of money, and Hollywood has to milk this franchise for everything it’s worth, right? I threw up in my mouth a little bit, when I read this news, because now, it’s only a matter of time before the Insidious franchise devolves into a mess of shit (i.e. the Saw franchise and Paranormal Activity franchise). Horror franchises don’t get better with more films. Need proof? Just a few modern examples.

Bride Of Chucky
Seed Of Chucky
Halloween: Resurrection
Halloween 2 (2009) (Zombie’s second remake)
Saw 4, 5, 6, & 7
Paranormal Activity 4

Fucking Hollywood.

Rating: 5/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones (2013)

**SPOILERS**

Living in New York City, Clary Fray (Lily Collins) struggles to comprehend a strange and bizarre obsession with seeing mysterious symbols in various places. Clary’s mother, Jocelyn (Lena Headey) realizes her worst fears have come to life, but before she has a chance to explain the truth to her daughter, Joeclyn is attacked by an intruder.

One night, Clary pushes her nerdy best friend, Simon Lewis (Robert Sheehan) to go into into a night club after Clary spots the mysterious symbol on the entrance sign again. Inside the club, Clary witnesses a man named Jace Wayland (Jaime Campbell Bower) use his sword to kill a man, but Clary’s frightened screams are met with confused looks, because no one else was able to see the murder.

Clary’s mother is taken hostage after the attack, and Luke Garroway (Aidan Turner), Jocelyn’s best friend, who also lives with Clary and Jocelyn, mysteriously disappears. After seeing the ruins of her ravaged apartment in the aftermath of the attack, Clary is saved by Jace, who manages to kill a demon before it kills Clary. Eventually, Clary learns the truth about her true identity: like her mother, Clary is a a Shadowhunter, a warrior sworn to a life of killing demons and other malevolent forces, who hide in other forms (humans, animals, etc.) on Earth.

Simon tags along with Clary and Jace, as Clary embarks on a mission to learn more about her past, and rescue her mother. At the secret headquarters for Shadowhunters, invisible to all Mundanes (normal humans), Clary and Simon meet Alec (Kevin Zegers) and Isabelle (Jemima West) Lightwood, a brother/sister duo of Shadowhunters, who form a team with Jace, and their leader/veteran retired Shadowhunter, Hodge Starkweather (Jared Harris), who is confined to the innards of the base after a curse was placed on him.

Hodge explains to Clary how her mother stole the Mortal Cup, a powerful and magical instrument, to protect it from Valentine Morgenstern (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), Jocelyn’s former lover, and a Shadowhunter, who turned into a madman. Obsessed with power and control over all Shadowhunters and evil forces, Valentine planned to use the Mortal Cup to complete his goal, but with Clary’s mother incapacitated (to protect the whereabouts of the Mortal Cup, Jocelyn drank a potion that put her into a deep sleep), it’s believed the location of the hidden Cup is buried in Clary’s memories.

After he escapes the clutches of Emil Pangborn (Kevin Durand) and Samuel Blackwell (Robert Maillet), Valentine’s henchmen, and the same men, who attacked and kidnapped Jocelyn, Luke returns to reveal himself as a werewolf, who works with the Shadowhunters (the Shadowhunters have a pact with the werewolves), because Clary will need all the help she can get to stop Valentine, and save her mother.

Lily Collins was lucky enough to land a spot in The Blind Side, but of course, she was overshadowed by the critical acclaim for Sandra Bullock’s performance, and Bullock winning the Oscar for Best Actress and various other Best Actress awards. She hit a rough spot with that abomination Abduction (still haven‘t seen Mirror, Mirror), but despite the negative backlash for this film, I think Collins handled herself well in the leading role. With Headey’s character on the shelf for the vast majority of the film, and limited focus on the other noticeable veteran in the cast (Jared Harris), Collins had the task of carrying the load as the main character. She’s not quite there yet, but Collins showed some strong signs of potential here. With the story revolving around her, Collins showed poise and confidence as Clary, while showcasing an emotional side during Clary’s hard times throughout the film.

Bower is your typical pretty boy rebel/bad ass, who only shows his soft side to the ladies. Not a bad performance, but nothing too special either. Headey’s character doesn’t receive enough conscious screen time here, so it’s not fair to judge her performance (or lack there of). And Sheehan is believable in his role as the nerdy and awkward outcast. I don’t think it’s fair to judge Jonathan Rhys Meyers Valentine. His character doesn’t make an appearance until the tail end of the film, and no one else is really worth mentioning by name.

The Mortal Instruments delivered a few twists and turns I didn’t see coming. For starters, Jocelyn hiding the Mortal Cup in a tarot card was a unique surprise, because that’s the last place anyone would think of. And Valentine revealing himself as the father of Clary and Jace (real name Jonathan). The shock factor of Valentine’s reveal was strong, because before Valentine told Jace the truth, you could clearly see Jace and Clary were starting to fall in love, and things hit a peak after a Romantic night in a magical garden. Of course, this reveal might remind people of the famous scene in Return Of The Jedi, where Luke realizes Leia is his sister after a talk with Obi-Wan. Add in the awkwardness of Han and Leia being in a relationship, and the look of guilt and shock on Luke’s face, and you can easily connect the dots between both films.

The love triangle between Jace, Simon, and Clary? Yeah, it’s predictable. Simon is tired of being in the infamous friend zone, so he opens up about his true feelings for Clary. But Clary is drawn to Jace, and after that, Clary goes through the dilemma of being attracted to the more desirable guy, and the friend, who’s always been there for her no matter what. You can see it all coming from a mile away. Although, Mortal Instruments adds an unexpected layer to the love triangle, when Clary openly accuses Alec of having feelings for Jace. Alec responds by threatening her life, if she ever mentions the situation again. Some nice food for thought, and I can honestly say I didn’t see this coming.

As far as a critical reception goes, The Mortal Instruments has received a strong, negative backlash. Complaints range from The Mortal Instruments trying to be a Harry Potter or Twilight knock-off, the film borrowing elements from damn near every fantasy/action film over the past thirty years or so, and so on. Well, a lot of that’s true. The Mortal Instruments isn’t completely original, not by a long shot. But at the same time, I think it’s unfair to bash a film for mimicking other fantasy films/stories or borrowing elements from said films, because if we use this criteria to bash other movies like The Mortal Instruments, then we would have a pretty lengthy list of bad movies. And on top of that, it would be damn near impossible to rate any movie that resembles Mortal Instruments with a positive score, IF we use this criteria.

The Mortal Instruments is loaded with enough dazzling visual eye candy to bring out a few “oooohhh” and “ahhhhh” moments, and there’s a handful of surprisingly entertaining fight sequences throughout the movie. Plus, they’re able to mix in some decent humor every now and then, and fans of the Ghostbusters films should appreciate the wink to the original film. I’ll openly admit this here and now, I went in to The Mortal Instruments with a very negative mindset, but I found myself having a lot of fun with this one as the story developed.

Rating: 6/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Bait/Bait 3D (2012)

**SPOILERS**

On an Australian beach one day, a lifeguard named Rory (Richard Brancatisano) is out in the water, unaware of an impending shark attack. Meanwhile, Rory’s best friend and fellow lifeguard, Josh (Xavier Samuel) is on the beach with his new fiancé and Rory’s sister, Tina (Sharni Vinson). As the shark devours the first victim, Josh tries to save Rory before it’s too late. Using a jet ski, Josh is able to speed through the calamity in the water, but Rory is mangled to death by the shark before Josh has a chance to save him.

After a year passes, Josh, too traumatized to work as a lifeguard anymore, settles for a job at a local supermarket. Depressed and unable to forget about the past, Josh sees a chance to start over, when Tina strolls into the supermarket one day with her new friend, Steven (Qi Yuwu). But Josh doesn’t have time to reconnect, because his boss and the store manager, Jessup (Adrian Pang) interrupts the happy moment.

Meanwhile, in the same supermarket, Jaimie (Phoebe Tonkin) jeopardizes her boyfriend, Ryan’s (Alex Russell) job, when she’s caught shoplifting by the supermarket’s security guard and Jessup. Jaime is lucky enough to have her father Todd (Martin Sacks), who is also a police officer, receive the call for an arrest, but Todd decides to give his daughter a slap on the wrist instead. In the parking garage, Doyle (Julian McMahon) and Kirby (Dan Wyllie) plan a robbery to steal all the cash from the safe inside Jessup’s office, but Todd is able to foil the robbery. In the same parking garage, Kyle (Lincoln Lewis) pushes his girlfriend, Heather (Cariba Heine) to fool around in their BMW. And unbeknownst to Kyle and Heather, Ryan is in the garage working on his hippie van.

Out of nowhere, a giant tsunami wave destroys most of the city, while flooding the supermarket. To make matters worse, two twelve foot Great White Sharks swim into the chaos, with one circling the parking garage, and the other lurking inside the flooded supermarket. With a severely injured Todd unable to walk, the surviving group includes Josh, Tina, Steven, Jaimie, Doyle, Kirby, Jessup, and others with Ryan, Kyle, and Heather stranded in the parking garage. Josh assumes the role of leader, but he’ll have to overcome his fear of sharks, and some bitter feelings towards Tina to survive and ensure the safety of the group.

Weird, weird cast here. On one hand, you have Vinson, Samuel, McMahon, Tonkin, and Sacks, who all deliver decent to solid performances, with Vinson providing the best overall performance in the cast. But on the flip-side, you have so many terrible and mediocre performances to drag the movie down, with Pang being one of the worst.

And on top of that, the bad side of the cast has one too many unlikable and annoying characters. Heather is a run-of-the-mill narcissistic, whiny, and materialistic girlfriend, who shows too much concern for protecting her little dog, Bully. Kyle is a meathead jock/douchebag, Jessup is the overbearing boss, and Kirby is the sleazy thief/wannabe tough guy. As far as Rory goes, yeah his character is important, but it’s not fair to judge Brancatisano’s performance, because his character completely disappears after the shark attack.

Bait includes every typical and clichéd character you can think of in a horror survival film, where the main characters are barricaded inside a seemingly inescapable death trap:

-The uncooperative whiner (Jessup), who complains about everything.

-The one selfish person (kirby), who does something to jeopardize the safety of the group, so they can have a better chance of saving their own ass.

-The one person, who goes off on his own to fix a problem (in this case it’s Steven cutting off the power, so broken and live cables won’t hit the water), and of course, something goes wrong, and Steven dies.

-The tough and resourceful hard ass (Doyle), who miraculously pieces together some random contraption to save the day. Or he’s the guy, who comes up with most of (if not all of) the plans.

-The brave hero (Josh), who constantly risks his life to save everyone, while assuming the role of leader in the group

-And of course, you have someone, who’s suffering from a serious injury (Todd). But they don’t want to hold the team back, so they try to contribute, but they can’t……and in the grand scheme of things, Todd is still the weak link in the team.

Predictability is a big problem for Bait. You can see everything coming, and it’s not hard to predict every event in the entire movie step by step after the opening scene. You knew Jaimie would eventually change her attitude, and do something brave and selfless to prove to her father she’s capable of changing, and she did (Jaime jumps into the water to lure a shark towards her, giving Josh and the others time to set up a trap). You could see Steven’s death coming, Josh and Tina trusting each other again and becoming a couple didn’t surprise me, and for being such jerks, you knew Kirby, Kyle, and Jessup would suffer horrible, agonizing deaths, and they did.

But I’ll give Bait credit for a few eye-catching images. The next to final shot of the movie shows Josh and Tina holding hands, while they’re standing together with the other remaining survivors, and looking on in horror at the devastation the tsunami caused. Watching this one shot, you really feel the sense of relief for the survivors fighting and struggling to overcome more than one close call. Also, the final shot of the movie shows a shark randomly jumping out of the water to devour a flying seagull for a “it’s not over yet” cliffhanger. All of my complaints aside, it was a nice way to close out the movie.

And to be fair, Bait never tries to be too complex, and making a smart horror film wasn‘t the goal here. Bait should give gore fiends everything they want and more, and for a low budget film, the special effects aren’t that bad. In the end, Bait provides enough bloody carnage and gruesome, gory deaths to warrant a guilty pleasure pass. So yeah, if you’re looking for some passable dumb fun, and if you’re into shark horror movies, Bait is worth a try.

Rating: 5/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Take Me Home Tonight (2011)

**SPOILERS**

In 1980’s Los Angeles, a young Matt Franklin (Topher Grace) is still trying to find himself. Four years after his high school graduation, Matt is still working at a Suncoast Video store within the local mall. Matt, unsure of his future, recently graduated from MIT, but Matt’s father, Bill (Michael Biehn), who also works nights as a police officer, doesn’t like the idea of Matt wasting precious time and his hard earned life savings by working a dead end job. But Matt focuses all of his energy on a new goal, when his high school crush, Tori Frederking (Teresa Palmer) strolls into Suncoast Video one day.

Meanwhile, Matt’s twin sister, Wendy (Anna Faris), is dreading the thought of another rejection letter after applying to the University Of Cambridge. But Matt is more worried about the reaction from Wendy’s controlling and overbearing boyfriend, Kyle Masterson (Chris Pratt), because Matt knows Kyle will do anything to keep Wendy from chasing her dreams, so she can settle for the life of a common housewife.

Before the night of Kyle’s annual Labor Day bash, Matt’s best friend, Barry Nathan (Dan Fogler) is fired from his job as a car salesman, but later that night, Barry decides to steal a red Mercedes-Benz convertible from the lot for revenge. With Wendy’s help, and an old friend from high school named Carlos (Demetri Martin), who is also a current Goldman Sachs employee, Matt devises a plan to convince Tori of a wealthy lifestyle, including his brand new Mercedes-Benz, and Matt’s successful career as a big time player at Goldman Sachs.

Although, Matt runs into some unexpected problems at Kyle’s party, when Barry finds a bag of cocaine in the Mercedes’ glove compartment, and Matt’s conscience gets the best of him after a romantic night with Tori. But Matt seizes the opportunity for one final chance to prove himself, and earn a second chance from Tori after he volunteers to ride The Ball with Kyle behind the driver’s seat.

Looking for a new, exciting, and refreshing romantic comedy/coming of age film? Well, you should look somewhere else, because Take Me Home Tonight isn’t for you. Take Me Home Tonight features the common set of characters you would expect in a coming of age film. Matt is your typical shy and nerdy male teenager, who’s awkward and nervous around women, and he’s trying to break out of his shell, so he can become a man. Tori is the seemingly unattainable perfect ten, who everyone man dreams of being with. Kyle is the meathead/jock, and he’s a bully with a superficial ego. And Barry is the bumbling fool of a sidekick.

Don’t expect any genuine surprises either. Once Matt tells the truth to Tori, you know what’s going to happen. Tori will hate Matt’s guts for a while, but Matt will redeem himself with a big speech (or in this case speeches) at the end, and Tori will forgive him. Tori sparks a fire in Matt, when she dismisses him as a another “scared little boy,” so Matt takes Tori’s insult as a challenge, and he decides to ride The Ball. Long story short, The Ball is a big metallic ball, and the person inside has to ride it out, as The Ball rolls down a steep hill, once the driver releases The Ball by backing up in a pickup truck. Anyway, Matt’s act of bravery wins Tori’s heart, and she gives him a kiss and her phone number to end the movie.

Take Me Home Tonight is predictable as predictable can be, but I still love this film. Grace provides one of the best performances I’ve seen from him, as this lost and confused screw-up, who’s trying to find his way in the world. Michael Biehn is a suitable fit for the stern father, Faris and Pratt share some great chemistry as a couple (not surprising, because they’re a couple in real life too), and her performance isn’t something special, but Palmer has the right look for the “dream girl.” Fogler is annoying as shit more often than not, but he has he a few funny moments (“he’s got no testes left!”) throughout the movie. Demetri Martin’s screen time is limited, but he’s hilarious, as the paraplegic with an ironic sense of humor. And Michael Ian Black’s Pete Bering is good for a few laughs, as Tori’s perverted, geeky, and slimy boss.

For me, Take Me Home Tonight has enough likeable characters, who you can root for to overlook the formulaic pattern here. Matt’s speech before he rides The Ball is a good example. Matt takes all that frustration, fear, and rage, and with one speech, he opens up about what most kids are feeling after they graduate high school (i.e. the fear of a new world, and growing up).

Faris tones down her usual over the top and goofy persona to portray the nagging and rival twin sister role (she’s still funny, though). But Wendy has one of the better feel good moments, when she finally stands up to Kyle by calling off the planned marriage, and dumping Kyle after Wendy realizes Kyle is more concerned with stroking his own ego. Pratt’s Kyle being a major douchebag and crying afterwards helps, but Faris’ deserves most of the credit for her stern and straightforward delivery.

Take Me Home Tonight is loaded with a lot of authentic 80’s nostalgia (everything from the intro, to the music, the hairstyles, the cars, the clothes, dances, and the lone Scarface reference), and if (that’s a big IF) you’re willing to overlook the predictability, you can have a lot of fun with this one. Yeah, I know. There’s a good chance a lot of people will roll their eyes at Palmer’s Tori, because some will have a hard time believing in one person being so gullible, and well, stupid, as Matt randomly pulls all of these lies out of left field, while improvising a backstory step by step for his fake career at Goldman Sachs.

Still, Take Me Home Tonight features a rock solid cast, consistent laughs, and despite all the negativity surrounding this film, Take Me Home Tonight isn‘t so unbearably bad to the point, where you can‘t stand to watch it. Take Me Home Tonight won’t raise the bar for coming of age films and romantic comedies, but if you’re looking for a real chance to have some fun and laugh, Take Me Home Tonight isn‘t a bad choice.

Rating: 8/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

The Colony (2013)

**SPOILERS**

In the future, survivors of the next ice age are forced to live in an underground outpost. Led by a former Army solider named Briggs (Laurence Fishburne) with the help of his lieutenant, Mason (Bill Paxton), Colony 7 is running low on resources, while trying to contain the outbreak of a deadly flu. Briggs believes in a more diplomatic approach to handling the flu, including a sealed quarantine ward for the sick, and if the sick don’t show any signs of improvement, Briggs allows the choice of execution, or a long walk in the endless snowstorm. Mason on the other hand, believes in more drastic measures by skipping straight to the execution without any discussions, and no questions asked.

But Briggs focuses his attention on another problem, when Colony 5 doesn’t return daily check-up calls. After numerous failed attempts to receive a transmission, Briggs assembles a team including Sam (Kevin Zegers), Graydon (Atticus Dean Mitchell), and himself to investigate the problems with Colony 5. Reluctantly, Briggs leaves Mason in charge of the colony. With no one to control or put a stop to Mason’s tirades, Sam’s girlfriend, Kai (Charlotte Sullivan) fears the worst for sick members of Colony 7.

At Colony 5’s outpost, the team finds a frightened survivor, and things only get worse, when Colony 7’s team uncovers the horrifying reason behind Colony 5’s decimated population: with no more food left, Colony 5 turned to cannibalism to survive. Briggs, Sam, and Graydon try to escape the gruesome scene of the messy killing floor, but the odds aren’t in their favor, as they outrun and fight off the attacks from Colony 5’s mutated cannibals.

Capable cast at best. Bill Paxton delivers the best performance, as the grizzled and pissed off veteran, who seemingly hates everyone. I got the sense Fishburne was just phoning it in for the most part, but Zegers and Sullivan do their best with strong efforts. Can’t say too much about the leader (Dru Viergever) of the cannibals, because his character doesn’t receive any spoken dialogue, just a lot of growling and screaming.

Unanswered questions are a big problem for The Colony. So the outbreak of a deadly flu is the main concern at first, but once they introduce the cannibals, the epidemic of the flu becomes insignificant? Okay, the remaining survivors at Colony 5 are cannibals, but they’re not ordinary cannibals. They have discolored pupils and fangs, so how did the mutation happen? Is the flu the source of the transformation? They never give the slightest effort to explain any of this.

Weather machines are used to control the climate in the future, but the vast majority of weather machines froze……but SOMEHOW there’s still one functioning weather machine left? At Colony 5’s outpost, Sam is able to find the video for a broken transmission about another colony’s operational weather machine (and you can clearly see sunlight in the background of the video). Using this information, Sam gathers some remaining fruit and vegetable seeds, and the remaining survivors of Colony 7 embark on a mission to join the other colony, so they can plant and grow the seeds. So during an ice age, when every other weather machine in the world is frozen solid, ONE weather machine managed to miraculously survive the cold, is working without any problems, and there’s plenty of sunlight in this specific region? Yeah, bullshit.

Usually, I’m willing to overlook predictability, and The Colony features a handful of scenes with nasty, bloody, and gruesome gore (with Sam literally slicing the cannibal leader’s head in half being the highlight), but The Colony is a pretty lousy film. Tedious pacing, predictable and anticlimactic character deaths, too many plot holes, too many boring moments, and the action sequences are mediocre at best. Unfortunately, The Colony is a formulaic and generic sci-fi/post-apocalyptic thriller, that’s void of any guilty pleasure fun. And the premise isn’t bad, but it’s something you’ve probably seen a thousand times over (i.e. a band of small survivors fighting an unexpected and malicious threat in the aftermath of an apocalyptic disaster).

Rating: 2/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

+1 (2013)

**Spoilers**

During a surprise visit to his girlfriend Jill’s (Ashley Hinshaw) college, as she prepares to compete in a fencing tournament, David (Rhys Wakefield) accidentally kisses the woman, who defeated Jill after the competition. Heartbroken at the sight of her boyfriend kissing another woman, Jill disappears before David has a chance to explain himself.

After the incident, Jill refuses to speak to or see David, and when David tries to reach out to Jill via social media, Jill blocks him. David, looking for another chance to apologize to Jill, follows his best friend, Teddy (Logan Miller) to a local house party hosted by Angad (Rohan Kymal), who’s desperately seeking acceptance from everyone. At the party, David and Teddy are surprised by Allison (Suzanne Dengel), another friend, who’s a known outcast, and David struggles to get a moment alone with Jill after she shows up to the party with a new guy named Steve (Peter Zimmerman).

But Dave’s mission to recapture Jill’s heart takes a backseat to a bigger problem, when an asteroid crashes into Earth. As the glowing asteroid fuses with the local power lines, the asteroid causes uncontrollable rips in the current timewave, creating a set of clones for each person at the party. The unexplainable phenomenon interrupts Teddy’s one night stand with Melanie (Natalie Hall), and together, David, Allison, and Teddy try to come up with a solution to control the cloning problem.

Well, I’ll get this out of the way now. Rohan Kymal’s Angad is the most annoying character in this film. Angad is this pandering loser, who’ll do ANYTHING to build up his reputation as the “big man on campus.” Plus, he has this annoying and persistent habit of trying to fit in with all the cool kids, when it’s clear 95% of the people at the party can stand him.

Hinshaw delivers the best performance, with Rhys Wakefield taking the spot for runner up. I get the point of Wakefield’s David being this lost and clueless dope, who’s trying to figure things out, but the Jill character is more passionate, angry, and vindictive. Bottom line, Jill has a more lively personality, and Hinshaw was far more convincing, especially during the heated arguments with David. Wakefield isn’t awful, but David is such a boring character. Logan Miller is okay at best, and Hall is just eye candy for the most part. Suzanne Dengel? She’s okay. Allison has a one-dimensional personality, as the typical angry high school outcast/loner, who spends most of her time listening to angry rock music, and hating everything. Not a bad performance from Dengel, but nothing too remarkable either.

Plus One feels like two movies in one: first half is a wild and crazy party movie, but the second half is a full blown sci-fi thriller. To use a more recent example, it’s like Project X meets an episode of The Twilight Zone. At first, you’ll hear loud club music, see wild party games, a naked woman, who’s being used as a buffet table with food spread across her body, topless women, strippers performing some weird glow in the dark routine, and a VERY lengthy sex scene between Miller and Hall, that’s split up into separate parts. Not complaining about seeing Hall naked, but after while, everything feels really excessive, unfunny, and unnecessarily raunchy to the point where I was just waiting for the romp to be over. Anyway, once David, Teddy, and Allison realize the clones and the rips in the timewaves, you’re thrust into a mysterious and thought-provoking sci-fi thriller.

It’s a good and bad thing for a handful of reasons. The bad side? The transition to the supernatural side of the film feels kind of awkward at first, because they’re trying to tell too many stories at once. David is still trying to fix things with Jill, but he pissed off the real Jill, so learning from his mistakes, David tries his luck with the cloned Jill. And David uses a glass to knock out the cloned version of himself, so the clone won’t ruin things with Jill. Teddy is trying to straighten out a mess after the clone versions of himself and Melanie come fact to face with the real Melanie and the real Teddy. After getting revenge on one of the mean girls, who pulled a prank on her at the party, the real Allison is wandering around until she runs into the cloned Allison, and together, both Allisons have a long talk about life, and it ends with both Allisons kissing each other. AND on top of all that, you have Teddy and Angad doing everything they can to try and convince everyone at the party the clones are real, while they devise a plan to survive.

During the calamity, the story becomes one big jumbled mess, that reaches a too frustrating point more than once, and it’s hard to overlook this. Plus, there’s no resolution to the storylines involving Allison and Teddy. Allison kisses herself (literally), and after Teddy asks for another chance with Melanie…..Melanie simply walks away without giving an answer either way?

The good side? During the “What’s going on!“ dilemma, the twists and turns are genuinely shocking. David murdering the real Jill in favor of the cloned Jill? Yeah, I didn’t see that coming. David was SO desperate to fix things with Jill, he murdered the real Jill, because he knew the relationship was damaged beyond repair, and he didn’t want to take the chance of the cloned Jill running into the real Jill. What’s going to happen, when the clones come face to face with the real versions of themselves? The clones obviously have no idea what’s going on, but they want life, the real partygoers realize this, and during each time jump, the clones take one step closer to catching up to the current timeline.

So for the grand finale, the real partygoers, barricaded in a pool house, come face to face with the time jumping clones, and out of fear, the real partygoers do everything they can to fight, and kill the clones. It’s a chaotic and nail-biting scene to watch, because I had no idea what would happen next or who would die.

Plus One is loaded with a lot of noticeable problems, but I’d be lying to you if I said I didn’t have a lot of fun (I laughed my ass off, when the buffet woman used a flying karate kick) with this one. Watching Plus One is like watching a flaming train wreck with a fireworks show in the background, and a bear on a unicycle juggling, it’s almost impossible to look away. The hectic mashup of sci-fi elements, a love story, and a party movie will probably annoy most people. But for me, Plus One is still an ambitious and bold sci-fi thriller, that takes a lot of risky chances with hopes of being something different, and I apprentice the effort.

Rating: 7/10

 

[Mitch Henessey]

Hell Baby (2013)

**SPOILERS**

Happily married and looking for a new start, Jack (Rob Corddry) and Vanessa (Leslie Bibb) move to New Orleans, after buying an old and dilapidated mansion. Jack and Vanessa bask in the glory of a cheap steal, until their new neighbor, F’resnel (Keegan Michael Key) explains the history behind the mansion. Nicknamed “The House Of Blood,” Jack and Vanessa’s new home is filled with a past of murder, Satanism, and ghostly hauntings.

With Vanessa eight months pregnant and expecting twins, Jack is a little bit nervous after hearing F’resnel’s story, and things only get worse after a series of bizarre and unexplainable incidents within the mansion. Mickey (Rob Huebel) and Ron (Paul Scheer) are two local cops, who constantly harass and berate Jack and Vanessa, so real help doesn’t arrive until the Vatican sends two priests named Father Padrigo (Thomas Lennon) and Father Sebastian (Robert Ben Garant) to investigate the supernatural phenomena.

Jack urges Vanessa to leave the house, but under the influence of a demonic possession, Vanessa refuses. Vanessa’s sister, Marjorie (Riki Lindhome) arrives to help with a spiritual ritual, and together, Jack, Marjorie, F’resnel, Mickey, Ron, Father Padrigo, and Father Sebastian prepare for the arrival of Vanessa’s demonic baby.

Without the excellent chemistry between Leslie Bibb and Rob Corddry, Hell Baby could’ve been a lot worse. At first, you get the impression of Jack and Vanessa being your typical perky and uptight couple from the suburbs, but Jack turns into this hysterical mess of a man, as Vanessa’s erratic behavior gets worse. And Leslie Bibb is the star of this cast. It’s hard to not laugh at Bibb, as she struts around the mansion with this cocky and wicked sense of joy. Vanessa’s antics include, but are not limited to, popping Valiums like M&M’s, drinking wine glasses full of paint thinner, and smoking cigarettes, while questioning her husband’s testicular fortitude.

Lindhome is good for a few laughs as the whacked-out hippie. You can easily see the similarities between Huebel, Scheer, Lennon, and Garant’s characters: they’re dimwitted buffoons, who are unlikely choices to have jobs in their respective professions. After observing Mickey and Ron’s behavior, you’d have a hard time believing both men are cops. Replace cops with priests, and you can say the same thing about Father Padrigo and Father Sebastian. The comedic irony with the priest’s reckless behavior, while constantly smoking cigarettes becomes tiresome after a while. And you can say the same thing about Mickey and Ron’s blatant disregard for protocol, while abusing their powers and bullying Jack and Vanessa. But for a little while, the routine is good for a handful of cheap laughs. Rest of the supporting cast is decent at best, with Key’s F’resnel being the most annoying character.

If you try and put too much thought into the plot and story for Hell Baby, you’ll probably hate this film. You’ll wonder why a seemingly cautious couple would choose such a rough and violent neighborhood to raise a child in. You’ll wonder why a husband wouldn’t take more drastic steps to ensure the safety of his pregnant wife, as she continues to drink wine by the bottle on a daily basis (Jack never witnessed Vanessa drinking the paint thinner), and smoke, while abusing prescription medication to take “thirty-six” hour naps. You’ll also wonder how Vanessa was able to give birth to one normal baby, and one demonic baby with no attempt at an explanation behind the half miracle, half curse dilemma. But Hell Baby is supposed to be a ridiculously stupid horror comedy, that doesn’t take itself too seriously. So if you try to decipher the question marks, there’s a good chance your head will explode.

Although, I’ll say this, Hell Baby deserves some bonus points for breaking the fourth wall, when Jack urges Vanessa to leave the house, because in Jack’s words, something bad always happens in the “movies” when the cast chooses to stay in a haunted house.

The two running gags in Hell Baby lose a lot of steam fast. First, you have damn near everyone in the cast pigging out on Po’ boy sandwiches, with close-up shots of their mouths. And there’s the unfunny gag with F’resnel constantly popping up out of nowhere, invading Jack and Vanessa’s privacy, and helping himself to anything without asking first.

And the grand finale? I’m pretty sure it’s something you’ll either hate or love with no middle ground whatsoever. It involves the entire cast saving the good, healthy baby, and fighting/trying to kill the demon baby. During the calamity, the demon baby is literally running around, while using his fangs to rip out throats, noses, and anything else. Towards the end, the entire cast is playing hot potato with the demon baby, until Jack finally figures out a solution to kill the demon.

You’ll need a bizarre sense of humor to enjoy this low budget horror comedy, and well, I have a bizarre sense of humor. Throughout the movie, I laughed my ass off out loud a few times. Hell Baby gives horror fans the best of both worlds, with a nice mix of extreme gross-out gags (not counting my picks for the two unfunny gags I mentioned above), over the top, no holds barred humor, and A LOT of blood and gore.

Seriously, if you’re squeamish about nasty stuff, you should probably avoid Hell Baby. The overflow of blood squirting and flying everywhere during the finale, and a possessed Vanessa scrubbing her nails with a brillo pad, until they bleed are a few good examples. The gross-out scenes? It’s kind of hard to forget about Jack, Vanessa, Marjorie, and F’resnel vomiting at once after looking at pictures of a dead body (think of that one Family Guy episode, where Peter, Chris, Brian, and Stewie can’t stop vomiting at the same time, now replace them with human beings).

I would love to give Hell Baby a higher score, but I know it’s not that good. Still, could’ve been a lot worse without Bibb and Corddry (especially Bibb).

Rating: 6/10