Haiku Hogan's Shit List

[Coco]

By putting me on this list you say that both murderers (the Kansas City Chiefs player and this asshole from yesterday) are not pieces of shit.

Classic.

 

[Big Nick Dudley]

Don't like Del Rio?
Oh, your day is coming, Jack.
You just don't know when

I hate Del Rio. It almost feels personal. It's not, though.

It's not that I dislike Del Rio. I think he reaches ungodly levels of boring/uninteresting. His in ring work is quite good.

I hear this a lot. It brings a common problem to the table - if he can't build a feud through talking and/or interesting out-of-action segments, how much can we care about the matches? Some can, I suppose. Not me. I can enjoy a random match here and there, but WWE wants us to enjoy them every Monday and Friday, and sometimes once per month on Sunday. It isn't a legitimate sport, so the actual competition, in my eyes, needs some drama. Del Rio doesn't bring that to the table. He never has.

 

[Coco]

I hear this a lot. It brings a common problem to the table - if he can't build a feud through talking and/or interesting out-of-action segments, how much can we care about the matches? Some can, I suppose. Not me. I can enjoy a random match here and there, but WWE wants us to enjoy them every Monday and Friday, and sometimes once per month on Sunday. It isn't a legitimate sport, so the actual competition, in my eyes, needs some drama. Del Rio doesn't bring that to the table. He never has.

And yet you still enjoy Randy Orton in spite of his ability to build a decent feud since his war with Christian came to an end.

Look at the trend:
-Cody Rhodes
-Wade Barrett
-Kane
-Dolph Ziggler
-Alberto Del Rio

As far as I can tell, all Orton knows how to produce is bland, run-of-the-mill filler stories. Why hold him in higher regard than Del Rio?

 

[Big Nick Dudley]

And yet you still enjoy Randy Orton in spite of his ability to build a decent feud since his war with Christian came to an end.

Look at the trend:
-Cody Rhodes
-Wade Barrett
-Kane
-Dolph Ziggler
-Alberto Del Rio

As far as I can tell, all Orton knows how to produce is bland, run-of-the-mill filler stories. Why hold him in higher regard than Del Rio?

Orton has shown he has the ability to be part of (and sometimes lead) interesting and entertaining angles. I can't say the same Del Rio.

 

[Uncle Sam]

And yet you still enjoy Randy Orton in spite of his ability to build a decent feud since his war with Christian came to an end.

Fuck that noise, I really liked his feud with Mark Henry.

Otherwise, point taken. You're on your own, Nick. Think of this as a Mufasa/Scar moment for us.

 

[Coco]

Orton has shown he has the ability to be part of (and sometimes lead) interesting and entertaining angles. I can't say the same Del Rio.

And yet all of his truly unique, interesting angles were given to him by creative long before Del Rio had made his debut.

All things considered, this era really doesn't seem to be conducive to giving most people entertaining stories. Why hold Del Rio responsible for creative's short-comings?

 

[Big Nick Dudley]

And yet all of his truly unique, interesting angles were given to him by creative long before Del Rio had made his debut.

All things considered, this era really doesn't seem to be conducive to giving most people entertaining stories. Why hold Del Rio responsible for creative's short-comings?

I've held the same opinion for years, so you'll get no argument from me. Whether it's his fault or not, Del Rio still hasn't shown that ability. Maybe I throw too much of the blame at Del Rio, but you're asking why I still enjoy Randy Orton. I know there's potential there, because I've seen it.

 

[Coco]

Fuck that noise, I really liked his feud with Mark Henry.

I enjoyed all of the feuds. In that they gave us good-great matches that ultimately meant nothing. I like good-great matches.

I've held the same opinion for years, so you'll get no argument from me. Whether it's his fault or not, Del Rio still hasn't shown that ability. Maybe I throw too much of the blame at Del Rio, but you're asking why I still enjoy Randy Orton. I know there's potential there, because I've seen it.

I'll buy it. I mean I still think you're being unfair, but a lengthy debate won't change anyone's mind here.

 

[Uncle Sam]

I enjoyed all of the feuds. In that they gave us good-great matches that ultimately meant nothing. I like good-great matches.

Surely you'd agree that the Henry feud was much, much more consequential than, say, Ziggler versus Orton?

 

[Bernkastel]

I like 90% of everything that Kane has ever done, do I make your list?

 

[Coco]

Surely you'd agree that the Henry feud was much, much more consequential than, say, Ziggler versus Orton?

There was a title change. That's about all I remember. Aside from that, I recall Orton being great as usual and Henry being a beast like he was in every feud around that time.

 

[Uncle Sam]

There was a title change. That's about all I remember. Aside from that, I recall Orton being great as usual and Henry being a beast like he was in every feud around that time.

So it was a "decent feud", like Christian/Orton as opposed to Ziggler/Orton, or it wasn't? Talk to me like I'm a small child.

 

[Coco]

So it was a "decent feud", like Christian/Orton as opposed to Ziggler/Orton, or it wasn't? Talk to me like I'm a small child.

Orton's contribution to every feud he's had since he turned face blend together for me. The Christian feud and Henry feud stood out at points on account of the promo/character work of Orton's adversaries. But Orton's work in those feuds strike me as no more remarkable than his work with Ziggler.

 

[ScreaminNormanSmiley]

So I get called an asshole for calling a murderer a piece of shit.

No. You didn't get called an asshole for that.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Orton's contribution to every feud he's had since he turned face blend together for me. The Christian feud and Henry feud stood out at points on account of the promo/character work of Orton's adversaries. But Orton's work in those feuds strike me as no more remarkable than his work with Ziggler.

See, following this line of thinking, now I'm going back on myself. I'm not giving up my admiration for Orton, but rather, well, cursing creative for having nothing for him. I still feel Orton is breathtakingly crisp in the ring and that his promo/character work is severely underrated simply because he's not screaming in people's faces or delivering witty put downs. In fact, considering how cringe-inducing even Punk and Cena can be when they try the whole "witty put down" thing, I'm pretty thankful he's never entered that territory.

Going off on something of a tangent, though not much of one, I didn't think the promo/character work of Christian was actually that strong - it was the end product (in the ring) that made that feud so astounding for me. Henry, however, was possibly the best character in wrestling at the time, and I will agree that the quality of his feud with Orton was built on that. Basically, what I'm saying is this: Henry > Christian. Fuck the police.

 

[Coco]

See, following this line of thinking, now I'm going back on myself. I'm not giving up my admiration for Orton, but rather, well, cursing creative for having nothing for him. I still feel Orton is breathtakingly crisp in the ring and that his promo/character work is severely underrated simply because he's not screaming in people's faces or delivering witty put downs. In fact, considering how cringe-inducing even Punk and Cena can be when they try the whole "witty put down" thing, I'm pretty thankful he's never entered that territory.

I agree with all of that. But even if Orton's promo/character work is underrated, which it is, creative is still failing him by giving him nothing of note to do with it.

Going off on something of a tangent, though not much of one, I didn't think the promo/character work of Christian was actually that strong - it was the end product (in the ring) that made that feud so astounding for me. Henry, however, was possibly the best character in wrestling at the time, and I will agree that the quality of his feud with Orton was built on that. Basically, what I'm saying is this: Henry > Christian. Fuck the police.

I like it.

See? I knew we could work that all out.

 

[ProWrestlingFan]

Randy Orton can cut great promos as a face back in 2004-2005 but not nowadays

[YOUTUBE]b4oI1a5mU-w[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Uncle Sam]

Randy Orton can cut great promos as a face back in 2004-2005 but not nowadays

I wholeheartedly disagree:

Rewind to last night. Go on - make that rewinding noise in your head as your memories noisily play themselves in reverse. What were you doing - drunkenly chatting up some attractive ladies in a bar? Doling out fresh soup at a homeless shelter? Digging a shallow grave with your bare hands?

What you should have been doing is watching the glorified framing device that is Friday Night SmackDown. The corpse in your bath tub can wait until morning. In between twenty minute recaps of Raw and repeats of three year old R-Truth matches is often a rather good show. On this rather good show is a rather good wrestler. This rather good wrestler can cut some rather good promos. This rather good wrestler who can cut rather good promos is - you'll be surprised to learn, provided you didn't read the title - Randy Orton.

Not that this will change your mind - you've likely already come into this thread having picked a side - but it's only fair I arm you with the necessary tools; three bin bags, one pair rubber gloves, sulphuric acid (3 litres), a shovel, a hammer, a hacksaw, a watertight alibi, and this YouTube video of Randy Orton's promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsKvl15IJak&t=2m5s

Have you sawn off the hands and removed all the teeth? Good. The next step is to glance at, and then probably ignore, this transcript of Randy's promo:

My name is Randy Orton, and usually when I have a problem with somebody, I don’t come out here and talk about it. Most likely, I hunt them down. For the past few weeks, it feels like I’m the one being hunted. By Kane. Now we are both going down a path that leads to us destroying one another. And that’s fine by me. But before that happens, I have to know why Kane chose me. Now I’m not John Cena – I embrace hate. And in turn, hate embraces me. Call it ‘morbid curiosity’. Or whatever. But Kane, I’m calling you out. And I want you to explain yourself. Because when the time comes that I have to put you down, I wanna know why I had to do it.

...

That was very enlightening. Thank you. Thank you for that. Now shut your mouth, come down to this ring and let’s just see if you can finish what you started!

I now have a Word file on my computer entitled "My name is Randy Orton" - which is far more incriminating than any pair of severed hands found in your back garden - so I hope you read at least a bit of it.

I've not looked, but I'd imagine there was a subtle backlash against this promo all over the internet. "I wonder who let Randy Orton near a microphone," one spectator likely enquired. "Here we go - Blandy Boreton strikes again," piped up another. "Oh God, I didn't mean to hit her that hard! She's not getting up," sobbed a third. This backlash, subtle and - indeed - hypothetical as it was, was unfounded. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting this promo on the very highest tier - it certainly won't be remembered for years to come. It's no Austin 3:16, nor Rocky, This is Your Life, nor even up there with Punk's shoot. Admittedly, it's actually rather unremarkable, but that doesn't take away from its quality.

As you thoroughly scrub your bath tub, making sure no troublesome strands of hair have trapped themselves in those nooks and crannies, I'll go through why I thought the promo was good, point by point:

1. It was competent and it was fluent. First, the basics. Orton has great diction, is perfectly confident and delivers the whole thing without stumbling. It would go without saying, if only I hadn't just said it.
2. It served its purpose. The segment takes up between eight and nine minutes. We know Orton's motivation, we know Kane's motivation, we re-establish their characters and their rivalry, and we learn they're going to fight at WrestleMania.
3. It was concise. The Rock and John Cena have cut half a dozen twenty minute promos on each other, and I'm still kind of vague on what their arguments are. "Kane, you've been a bit of a dick of late, I'm going to beat you up, but first I'd like to understand your motivations. I now understand your motivations - let's fight." Bam. Done. We don't have to hand Orton a guitar and hear him wail like a wounded animal for half an hour.
4. It was entirely in character. Randy Orton is not flamboyant. Randy Orton doesn't come out wearing a rhinestone jacket, doing jumping jacks to the ring. Randy Orton is a dude that rolls up in trunks, boots, and kneepads every week and beats someone up. He says as much - "usually when I have a problem with somebody, I don’t come out here and talk about it. Most likely, I hunt them down." Badasses don't talk about beating people up. Badasses beat people up.
   
   Take the Triple H/Punk feud as how not to look like a badass. Punk came out, complained about management, and made bad sex jokes about Triple H every week. He came over like a smartass, douchebag student making fun of his stern headmaster. Nothing betrays someone's badass cred more than turning down an opportunity to hit your mortal enemy in the face, or maybe to just stare them down if you're more into that thing, in order to talk about their wife's underwear some more.
5. Kane was rather good too. His penchant for saying as many polysyllabic words as he can in order to compose a faux Shakespearean soliloquy is still a bit rich for my tastes, but he fulfils his role almost as well as Orton does.

I eagerly await all your responses. I'm sure the majority of you will agree with me wholeheartedly, and we'll quickly come to a consensus. Oh, and remember to burn the clothes you were wearing.

 

[Bernkastel]

Henry > Christian. Fuck the police.

You say it like it isn't common knowledge. Christian is shit. Hell, I could validate why Trish Stratus's career > Christian's career.

 

[Uncle Sam]

You know I'm a Peep; I even have Christian's TNA Best Of DVD upstairs. Why would you wound me like this?

 

[The Dragon Saga]

Fond memories of Sam's thread just came flooding back.

And leave Christian alone, not his fault hes fragile like a porcelain vase.

 

[Bernkastel]

You know I'm a Peep; I even have Christian's TNA Best Of DVD upstairs. Why would you wound me like this?

I wound myself every time I have to admit Randy Orton being better than Kane.

 

[ProWrestlingFan]

Christian > Henry

[YOUTUBE]1yln6Ez7PhY[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Tastycles]

Sam, I'm sorry, but you're never going to convince me that Randy Orton is more interesting than a toaster. And I've been saying that since before it was cool.

 

[Alex]

Allow Christian to be an asshole and you have gold.

[YOUTUBE]rSMvt2sT13k[/YOUTUBE]

Christian is a better promo guy and can have a good match with almost anyone.