The Great Gymnasium Garbage Fire
After WZCW Ascension Anarchy
You could only imagine the sheer joy Troy Excellence felt when War Zone stepped backstage, with the Mayhem title on his shoulders. It was like, the biggest weight in the world had been thrown off of his back and sentenced to a one way trip to death row. Vox had been vanquished, and in it’s placed stood a new empire. An empire that would hopefully last for generations to come: The empire of war.
Troy Excellence:
(Overjoyed)
I knew it! I just knew you’d pull through!
Troy went up to the hulking monster and in a feat of true emotion hugged the living daylights out of him. Kimberly couldn’t help but clap for his sake as well. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Troy got off of his new champion as he prepared for his speech.
War Zone:
Friends...though the road was long, and the journey was ardous...in the end, the result is worth it. For with the help of you, General Excellence, my dear secretary Rollins, and the faith of Joseph and Dwight by my side...At long last: The empire of war...HAS BEGUN!
Yes, in just one match, War Zone went from struggling to win a match to winning his first what looked to be many championships. But he was not done yet, for he would then make an extraordinary claim.
War Zone:
And as long as my body stands on top of this land, I declare as of now, that I will remain Mayhem champion...FOREVER!
The notion was hailed quickly and suddenly. And it only served the flood works more when Kimberly herself got an idea.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
You know what this calls for? A full on extravaganza!
Troy Excellence:
Have my people call your people?
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Toates!
And so Troy and Kimberly went off, discussing plans for their inevitable War Zone celebration, leaving the perfect soldier by himself, to study and reminisce on what was this far, his biggest triumph yet. And as he sat down across the backstage line, he knew that there was one person he had to thank. The man that made it all possible. And as he looked up in the sky, there was only one thing he could say.
War Zone:
Bless you McCarthy…
And all was right with the world.
The next day:
War Zone, having figured that he had missed quite a number of days training giving the whole debacle with his confidence, McCarthy and the eventual win at Ascension Anarchy, he figured that this would be the day he’d finally wind down and get back to some wholesome training inside the gymnasium.
So imagine the shock he received when he saw the gymnasium all covered with balloons and streamers, a table with delicious snacks and champagne for all to drink, the latest hits booming from the iPod of whoever ended up playing the D.J.
And then, the big shock. His three typical gym buddies, the same ones that once teased him for his alleged relationship with Kimberly, they were the first ones to congratulate him when he entered the scene.
Guy 1:
Hey buddy! Congratulations!
Guy 2:
We knew you had it in you from the start!
Sam:
I never doubted you!
War Zone knew it was all smoke and mirrors, but he said nothing of the matter. This clearly being the work of Troy and Kimberly. Speaking of which, the very next person he saw...was Troy himself, wearing perhaps the most ridiculous zoot suit he had ever seen, complete with a bowler hat and cane.
Troy Excellence:
Ah, War Zone! Glad you could make it. You wouldn’t want to miss your own party now would you?
War Zone:
Well...um…
Troy Excellence:
Me neither! Now come along, there are some people I want you to meet!
Troy marched happily across the gym, leaving a dumbstruck War Zone forced to follow. As much as he didn’t want to, he was finally going to meet the rest of Excellence Inc.
The first person they came across was from near the food table where another beefy man, while not as tall or overpowering as the ultimate soldier himself did have quite a bit of muscle on himself. There was also a bit a beard on him that made him stand out amongst the crowd. And as he was talking with Kimberly (who by the way looked absolutely stunning in that short cocktail dress), Troy came up to him with War Zone, the meeting of two men in order.
Troy Excellence:
Ah! Arnie!
Arnie Anderson:
(Sees Troy)
Hey, Troy! How are you my friend?
Troy Excellence:
Very good, How’s the family?
Arnie Anderson:
Just excellent!
Troy Excellence:
Say Arnie, I’d like you to meet someone very special. The new Mayhem champ War Zone.
Arnie Anderson:
War Zone? Ah, i’ve heard of him. (Sees War Zone) Hey War Zone! (Shakes his hand) Great show last week, really did a number on the guy. Almost made want to come there and break whatever limbs he had left!
War Zone:
Er...thanks?
For some strange reason, he felt the chilling breath of someone else, perhaps another muscular figure. He took his eyes over who it was that was breathing on him and saw a jacked specimen, though not as tough as War Zone, looked just as terrifying and ready to tear apart something if you asked him too.
Troy Excellence:
Ah Neil! So good to see you. I take it you’ve seen War Zone?
The new character looked at War Zone’s head, War Zone, unsure of what to expect from him extended his hand in the hopes that maybe he was a peaceful soul...well, he was peaceful and then some as he grabbed onto the hand of War Zone tightly and looked at him straight in the eye.
Neil Crowe:
...Respect.
War Zone looked at him, slightly baffled at the sight of this man. The two gazed in each other’s eyes and surveyed their height, weight and potential damage and it was only broken up when Troy entered in the conversation once again.
Troy Excellence:
Well, this certainly has been fun getting to mix and mingle with all of you, but now, I must head off.
War Zone:
Now? When the party has started?
Troy Excellence:
Of course! I’m off to speak to the gym manager, hopefully with my expertise I can turn this into a week long event with celebrities and musical icons like Bieber and Lady Gaga. You guys have fun with yourselves, it is your party after all War Zone. Enjoy it while either lasts! Kimberly will keep a good eye on all of you while i’m gone, isn’t that right?
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Absolutely, don’t you worry Mr. Troy, i’ll make a good head-coach for the team, yes!
As Troy left the scene seeing Kimberly make yet another reference to a pivotal movie role for her career, War Zone realized two things. One, he was going to be in for a long night: And two, If General Excellence was a bit silly...he was terrified at what General Kimberly would turn out like. And it looked as if it wouldn’t be long until he found out as she diverted everyone's attention to herself.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Hey hey people people! I’ve got a few announcements to make...first off, yes, this dress did cost me over a thousand dollars. And it really does enhance all of my curves. (Shows off her dress) Ok, enough gawking boys, second announcement? As your new headmaster of this celebration, I have only one thing to say...DANCE THE MOTHERFUCKING NIGHT AWAY!
Everyone cheered this decision and the D.J kicked it up to the unforeseen eleven, and just like that; the bodies surfed across the dance floor, all shapes and sizes, all kinds of colors, no matter what he did, this was what he would see. No matter where he turned, but it the old papa flailing about from Arnie Anderson, to the robotic like dancing of Neil Crowe, to the frat like nature of his training buddy and even the sultry stylings of Kimberly at her most conservative (which even that says much for her). The only thing War Zone could do was play along and nod his head rhythmically to the beat of Taio Cruz’s Dynamite as he realized a horrible truth…
It was going to be a long night.
A few hours later:
Have you ever had one of those moments where you really things got real personal, real quick and you have no idea what you thought just happened? Well, that’s exactly how War Zone felt after what had just occurred. He was lucky the cops weren’t called, otherwise he’d be facing some serious jail time.
What do we mean by that? We answer this with a question. Have you been at the part of a party where everyone is either drunk off their ass or verging that line outside of maybe one (Arnie) or two (War Zone) sober men? That was what it felt like.
During this time, Sam, one of the people who consistently frequented the gym had also turned up to be one of the most inebriated and for most of this party: He had been eyeing the most beautiful thing in this room, the relatively sober Kimberly Katherine Rollins (Very surprising given her reputation...And that is all we will say on the matter).
Sam:
(Slurred)
I’m tellin’ you babe, we’d be the perfect couple!
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
(Annoyed)
Uh yeah, and i’m telling you: No we wouldn’t.
Sam:
Of course we would! (Stumbling over a little, hanging onto Kimberly with his left arm) Think about it, we’d be the hottest couple on the red carpet, you and me, we’d take the international-league world by storm!
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
I don’t even know you, so if you’re thinking about second base, how about actually getting to know a bitch?
Kimberly tries to walk off, but Sam is a persistent man, and he knows a lot more than we think he does, so when Sam wants to ‘show a girl a good time’ and they won’t let him, he’ll find a way to do so. In this case, he takes advantage of her noted beauty and makes it his own.
Sam:
Well what if this so-called bitch who i’ve apparently never met starts to sway their sexy ass of theirs at you as she’s walking away?
War Zone watches the scene unfold from not too far, he knows Sam’s reputation and he’s ready to get involved if necessary. With Kimberly, her aggravation only seems to be growing the longer Sam pesters her about relations, she turns around and keeps her fists clenched: Trying to restrain herself from punching the daylights out of Sam.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
(Clearly reaching her limit)
First off, this is how I normally walk in high heels, five hundred dollar heels mind you, and second, even I wanted to flirt with someone, it still wouldn't be with someone like you!
Sam:
(Starting to lose his cool)
Now listen-
By this point, War Zone has seen enough and decides to be a peaceful diplomat between the two feuding parties, he gets in between the two before things can escalate any further.
War Zone:
Excuse me, Mr. Sam, am I right? But it seems that you are harassing this poor young woman, and I think she would very much appreciate it if you cease your alcohol fueled charades.
Sam:
Robbie, bro. (Hiccup) It’s not a game. I’m trying to show a fine lady the time of her life!
War Zone:
Be that as it may Sam, She does seem to be in the mood for such a thing.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Yeah, that’s right. Because unlike you, War Zone actually knows how to treat a lady properly.
Sam:
Oh please, don’t think they’ve forgotten the rumors about you two goin’ steady.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
(With a very whiny glaze in her voice)
Oh my god, we are (stomps her left foot) NOT!
War Zone looks on, obviously; there was no way he could act with so little facts known. He needed to know more.
War Zone:
(Whispering to Kimberly)
How long has this man been doing this?
Kimberly Katherine Rollins
(Pouting, complete with the trembling lips)
All night. It was really cute beforehand, but now it’s driving me insane.
War Zone:
I’m not surprised. Sam has been like this for many years, not many a soul like him. The only reason he is even allowed here is because he has covers of Playboy magazines. I never heard of a Playboy myself, but I hear it’s not exactly what I think it is.
Sam:
(Eavesdropping on the conversation)
Hey big man, if ya done with the broad: I would to ask her a few questions.
War Zone:
Not now Sam, it is clear that you have gravely upset her and I believe she would like it if you were to leave her be. (to Kimberly) Now, Kimberly; you know you don't have to stay. I will be most happy to take you home immediately if you feel that-
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
(Trying to calm herself, voice shaking)
No no...I’m fine. (Deep breathes) How’s my mascara? (War Zone starts to answer and...oh you know the drill) Don’t answer that one. (Fans herself with her hands and takes some more deep breaths in and out, finally, she seems calmer) Ok…what are your questions?
Sam:
I just don’t get why you don’t want someone like me...I mean, see: I’ve got everything! I got muscles, I got charisma (pronounced: ker-iz-uh-ma), I look friggin' amazing on a poster: And you...well, look at you. You’re a goddess, your face, your hair, your movements, god, just looking at your body makes me wonder what it is you have to offer. If we got together, we’d be the biggest power couple the world has ever seen! So what I want to know is that why you wouldn’t...wait a minute…
War Zone and Kimberly look on, it seems that Sam is starting to come to his senses by chance? But of course not! That would be boring, and the life of the Ultimate Soldier is never boring. So the next best thing happens and Sam begins to ask Kimberly a question, in the softest, most tranquil voice he had ever seen in.
Sam:
...Is it because i'm one of them isn't it?
War Zone:
A what?
Sam:
I'm one of THEM. That's you don’t want to date me.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
The hell are you talking about?
Sam:
You don't know...you seriously don't know?
War Zone:
(To himself)
Here we go...
Sam:
(Getting riled up)
Yeah, it’s all because of that big debacle we had two years ago ain’t it? I wouldn’t be shocked. Ever since then, all these motherfuckers out there have had it out for me. Whatever opportunity I had to make a living? Apparently that’s out the window because people get uptight when their viewpoints are judged.
War Zone:
(Getting concerned, he has never seen Sam get this upset before)
Sam...it has nothing to do with-
Sam:
Hey! Big guy, you’re one to talk. You keep blabbering on about you shouldn't be complacent on what the past was and focus on what lies ahead. Well how about this Future-Man? Your precious idol Ike? He's dead!
War Zone is shocked. Appalled in fact. He had heard his president be called many nasty names over the years, ‘radical’, ‘fascist’, ‘insane’, ‘A madman’. But until today, no one had ever told him that his president: The very man that approved of his very existence...was no longer with the living world. He stays silent for the rest of this conversation.
Sam:
Yeah, that doesn’t make you feel good does it? Knowing the truth like that?
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Sam, this is really turning un-
Sam:
And what about you? Yeah you, huh? You probably think i’m some piece of shit because I want to do something outside the status quo; you’re probably thinking, “Oh look at this asshole, strutting in with his posters and signs warning about what he thinks is inevitable, all that propaganda!” And ever since then, everyone in this world has made me out to be this evil person: Even those who were once my closest friends don’t acknowledge me because of who I voted for! And you know what? You’re probably a part of the conspiracy.
Other people at this point have taken notice of Sam and Kimberly and peak in around a circle like a school brawl was about to happen.
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
Sam...what are you saying?
Guy 1:
Whoa...Sam...calm down man.
Guy 2:
Bro, you’re about to get whipped good...
Sam:
Yeah, that’s right, you're a part of this! You're ALL a part of it! Each and everyone of you, Because apparently i’m in some sort of conspiracy where everything I love and hold dear is taken away from me because I think differently from you. LOOK AROUND YOU KIMBERLY! (Points to Guy 1) You think alike, (Then Guy 2) You think alike, (Then War Zone) You likely think alike, (points to Arnie and Neil) And you...WELL I DON’T KNOW YOU TWO, BUT YOU PROBABLY THINK ALIKE TOO!
Arnie Anderson:
(muttering to Neil)
Wonder what’s up with him?
Sam:
You’re all puppets! ALL OF YOU! A slave to the establishment! (pronounced: Es-tab-liz-uh-mint) (Quieter now) But you know what (closes up to Kimberly, in a stalker like matter)...it doesn’t have to be this way. We can still be together, and it all begins with you.
Sam grabs onto Kimberly’s hand, very tightly. Finally, Kimberly can take no more and as she slaps Sam away from her; she screams out,
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!
Sam stands by, shocked that Kimberly would dare to slap her. Everyone watches in suspense, wondering what it is that will happen next...But all Sam can do is smile. A rather twisted smile as he laughs maniacally.
Sam:
Stupid bitch...Maybe you're right. Maybe I don't need to date someone as overrated as you. There are plenty of other, much hotter women out there. I heard that Liv Morgan's chick's single, I can take her career to new heights. Torrie Wilson? That's another option! Stacey Keibler, Pamela Anderson, Iggy Azalea...There's one thing they all have in common Kimbs...they're way hotter, and MUCH more talented than you EVER will be.
War Zone looks on, in rage. He could not believe what Sam was saying to the secretary...HIS secretary. But what really drove him over the edge was how she looked. Here she was, her hair done, wearing a red cocktail dress with high heels, the rising actress and seeming sex symbol: Now on the brink of an emotional breakdown, just blinking away the tears as the abhorrent words drove into her heart. He couldn’t take it anymore...It was time to act.
War Zone:
HEY!
Sam looks drunkenly and sees War Zone, charging up to him like a freight train with a target on it’s hands. He smirks, urging him to bring it on. War Zone, having watched Kimberly get pushed around by Sam snaps, clobbering him with one of the most skull-ratting punches you’ll ever see. Sam goes down on the floor, but is somehow not knocked out; the alcohol making him immune to most pain.
War Zone:
NO ONE MESSES WITH THE SECRETARY OF WAR!
Sam:
(drunkenly getting up)
Oh, you wanna fight pretty boy? Let’s fight!
Sam gets in a few strongs punches on War Zone, but it’s not long until War Zone gains the clear upper hand and bludgeons him with lefts and rights, fists and hands, hits and punches. Though Sam manages to get a couple lucky hits in, It’s a straight up fist fight with War Zone taking an undisputed lead. Some question whether or not to get involved, but for two, they see it as a long time coming as shown by the smiles on their faces.
Guy 1:
Oh yeah! He’s taking him down to Sesame Street, U.S.A!
Guy 2:
Been a long time coming my friend! ‘Bout time someone taught him some respect. (Guy 1 and Guy 2 high five each other)
War Zone finally has enough of Sam and decides it would only be best to end his suffering by grabbing him by the throat, taking him slowly and steadily to the food table, which at this point is nearly low on food and drink, he snarls at the DJ who runs away; not wanting to get involved in the brawl. He then looks at Sam, his eyes becoming portals to hell on Earth.
War Zone:
Call my president dead will you...treat my secretary like meat will you...disrespect your fellow American brothers will you...I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU!
And with one mighty roar, he lifted Sam up and chokeslammed him down the table, breaking it into pieces. He glares at Sam, yelling at him to get up. Still somewhat conscious, Sam dizzily sees War Zone; or at least, he tries to see him: It’s pretty hard to do so when your eyes are looking in every direction under the sun. But once he sees him, he tries to get away. But Warzone grabs him by the legs and literally drags him up and on his shoulders. It is clear what he aims to do, he aims to show him the Nuclear Winter. He is poised, the rest watch with anticipation, War Zone goes for the kill…
???:
WHAT IN THE NAME OF FREDDIE BLASSIE ARE YOU DOING?!
Everyone takes a look at who and where the voice came from. It’s Troy Excellence, furious at what he is seeing. He looks at War Zone, War Zone looks at them: Not willing to give in. Troy is the first one to break the silence.
Troy Excellence:
(Stern)
War Zone...let this man go NOW.
War Zone appears conflicted, should he let Sam go and listen to his general? Or should he finish the job and run the risk of getting into more trouble? Troy repeats his demand, more emphatically than last time.
Troy Excellence:
Damn it War Zone...I’m not going to repeat myself...PUT...HIM...DOWN.
War Zone looks at Troy, he then looks at Kimberly, he looks at every single person in this room right now. He is silent, closing his eyes; more than likely getting advice from his idol Joseph McCarthy or his president Dwight Eisenhower. Finally, after what seems like an eternity. He decides for once to be merciful...slowly dropping him down and letting him go free.
Sam appears stunned and grateful that War Zone would sacrifice him like that, then he looks at Troy; and gets a rather nasty glare on his face. He stumbles upward and slinks his way up to him.
Sam:
Man, you don’t pay me enough for this. (He turns to everyone else) Fuck all y’all! (he smiles smugly and struts his way out in a drunken fashion)
War Zone appears baffled by what has just happened as he comes closer to Kimberly, Sam mentioning to Troy that he wasn’t paid enough? What did that mean? Why would Sam be paid to do anything? What was the whole point of this endeavor? Sure enough, he got his answer; as the voice of Arnie rang out in approval.
Arnie Anderson:
Now THAT is the kind of carnage a Mayhem champion should create!
Neil Crowe nods in agreement as Guy 1 and Guy 2 applaud, War Zone is still confused by what has occurred and why everyone is cheering him. He didn’t even get to unleash the Nuclear Winter onto Sam. What had he done that was so praiseworthy in this moment?
And then, another voice. Now what was happening?
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
(enraged)
Hold the phone! (Stands up, shaking in fury) You mean to tell me this whole Sam stalking me for the entire duration was nothing more than a cheap stunt just to show these fools how good of a Mayhem champion he is?!
Troy Excellence:
(Cheshire cat smile)
Well...not necessarily. Think of it as a predecessor of what’s to come…
Kimberly Katherine Rollins:
You...YOU…(angry scream of frustration)
Kimberly storms off in a huff, everyone watching as the actress walks away, her evening ruined thanks to Troy's shady moves. War Zone keeps his confused look throughout the whole charade and it’s not until Troy comes up to him that breaks out of it.
Troy Excellence:
Well done champ.
And just like that, he leaves. And so does everyone else. Once again, War Zone is alone.
1:00 AM:
That evening, War Zone tried to get some sleep, hopefully to quell away the memories of the party gone tragically array; but he couldn’t. The idea that Troy would basically set this entire thing up just to sell him as a dominant force...It made him feel like a corporate mule.
So you can assume the reaction on his face when just when it looked like he was FINALLY about to doze off when he saw who it was that was calling him on his cell-phone.
War Zone:
(Mumbled)
Hello?
Troy Excellence:
Hey, uh...War Zone...you feeling alright?
War Zone:
(Irritated)
General Excellence, I appreciate your concern: But you have done quite enough for-
Troy Excellence:
(A hint of remorse)
That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Look, i’m real sorry about what happened earlier with the party and the guy and the...well, you know. I just wanted to show my clients the kind of destruction you could do. The response I got from them, it was exhilarating: One of the proudest moments of my career…
War Zone:
It come with a price...our secretary is quite upset at you.
Troy Excellence:
I know...I tried calling her several times. Nothing.
War Zone:
You must’ve really angered her.
Troy Excellence:
That’s not the point…
War Zone:
...Then, what is?
A brief silence falls and then, Troy speaks again.
Troy Excellence:
War Zone...Listen to me carefully...Now that you’re the Mayhem champion, you have to be aware of your opponents at all costs: Those guys you’re about to go up against. They’re no easy task. Milenko is a sadistic being who will take pleasure with any kind of weapon. Tony will use whatever tricks he can use up his sleeves to achieve victory and Randy? Well, he’s Randy. Anyone with that name has probably done something right with their career. So you have to be watchful of every move made, it doesn’t matter who it is, be it friend or foe. Yes, even our secretary: You have to be leery of trusting anyone. If they say they’re on your side, don’t believe them: Because that is living proof that they aren’t. They only say it, because they know when the time comes...they’ll backstab you.
War Zone listens intently to every word Troy is saying, his expression changing from one who is unimpressed to one of almost savagery: Perhaps imagining the wicked ways he could maim his opponents to extinction.
Troy Excellence:
Now tomorrow, we’ll go over strategy for how we should take on these challengers. No matter what happens, you must pay the closest possible attention to every instruction. Every detail. Every crook and nanny. And if you do, I can assure you: The empire of war will last forever.
War Zone:
Yes my general...thank you for this talk.
Troy Excellence:
Anytime.
War Zone goes to turn off his cell, but before he can: Troy comes up with one last question.
Troy Excellence:
Oh...one last thing.
War Zone:
Hm?
Troy Excellence:
That McCarthy guy...he seemed like real special person in your life. Tell me, how did he play a role in our recent success?
War Zone:
My general...a master, never reveals his secrets.
Troy Excellence:
(Light chuckle)
You’re right. I should have figured as much...Oh well. I’ll leave you be now. Good night.
War Zone:
Good night General Excellence.
And that was that. He put away his cellphone, headed back to his bed, got under his covers...and drifted fast asleep: Legend says, he was dreaming of how he would crush his opponents, not just tonight, but every night for the rest of his career.
But as for what McCarthy said to War Zone that fateful night, that put him on this track to success? Well friends, the answer remains a mystery. All we can say is that sometimes, you have to take your opportunity, no matter what the cost is.
