Uncle Phatso
Mid-Card Championship Winner
So nice of you to let him know that....
WZCW All Or Nothing 2013 with KB (Review Starts At Post 63)
- Thread starter klunderbunker
- Start date
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Saboteur was pinned and was illegal when he was.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Finally main event time. The Eurasian match was good.
Bernkastel
Reaper of Miracles
Was the Elite X title match too short? I thought that It could have been longer.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Yeah it was kind of short.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Also in the Iron Man match, the clock is all kinds of screwed up. We hit 30:00 to go and it was:
staring
clothesline
kick to the ribs
suplex
two count
two count
Now the clock is at 24:02. That should have been two and a half minutes or so, not 6 minutes.
staring
clothesline
kick to the ribs
suplex
two count
two count
Now the clock is at 24:02. That should have been two and a half minutes or so, not 6 minutes.
Thriller Ant
Beep Bop Boop
I can't remember who wrote that, but in their defense, match times aren't something that we usually do so the concept of how long a sequence takes can be a bit foreign.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Makes sense. Just rather odd.
I talked to JGlass a little about my philosophy in tag matches, which I understand is probably uncommon, but I feel as though good tag team wrestling happens when the match breaks down, and that after that point, it should be referee's discretion as to who to count the pin on, which is why I didn't much keep track down the stretch of the tag team match.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
You won't be seeing an Iron Man match for a while though, that's for sure. Maybe next time we'll modify the Iron Man match concept to have a 1st to 5 falls wins or something.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Yeah I'm not really feeling this one. The five falls don't really do anything other than inflate the score as no one gets an advantage. Also it apparently took 19 minutes to get four countouts and a DQ.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
Brace yourselves. This is 17 pages long. On average a four hour WWE PPV is about 10 pages.
All or Nothing 2013
Date: February 25, 2013
Location: WZCW Arena, Parts Unknown, Kansas
Commentators: Sebastian Copeland, Jack Cohen, Catherine Connors
So this is another one of those companies that I've heard a lot about but have somehow managed to avoid over the years. Basically all I know coming into this are the names of a few people and some of the creative team that pesters me for plugs on my site every now and then. Apparently this is one of those free PPVs that they run occasionally which is an oxymoron as there's no actual PAYING involved in this PAY per view but what can you expect from a bunch of OCW knockoffs?
Anyway, I'm basically going into this show blind as I have no idea who is who or what is going on. Granted that's what got me into Heroes of Wrestling so maybe this is a dumb idea. The PPV is already up late which makes me want my money back already. There's even a freaking pre-show to get through too. I have no idea who any of the wrestlers are, what any of the feuds/stories are, what any of the matches are or what to expect here. I'm also in a bad mood so this could get interesting. Let's get to it.
We open the show with........an apology. Great, now I'm already having flashbacks to ECW when Paul Heyman would apologize because he couldn't get his boys out of jail had new matches to reward his loyal fans with. Another bad sign: the female commentator is reading off a teleprompter that you can see reflected in her glasses and the word apologize is misspelled in her script.
Apparently some guy wanted the show to start late and gets his way around here. Why wasn't I given this offer too? It's something about Australia (SEE??? I TOLD YOU THEY WERE RIPPING OFF OCW!) and a guy in My Little Pony gear (strike one) named Falcon. Suddenly I have a desire to see him punch someone. Some fans freak out when the camera pans up there, which makes me think either this guy is universally hated or the announcers are piping their words in through the PA system ala World Wrestling All-Stars, another company that frequented Australia back around the start of the new millennium.
The door opens up and Falcon is beaten down for his actions by the fans. So let me get this straight: the fans are mad about a show being late so they beat down the guy who caused it, making the show start EVEN LATER? Also if this is a pre-show, how mad can they be? The show isn't supposed to have started yet, so why do they need to be angry? More ECW similarities: ticked off fans that probably didn't pay to get in.
Their theme song is Ready to Roll by Jet Black Stare. Good song, but now they're ripping off WWE (theme to Summerslam 08) as well. We're not even on the show yet and they've copied WWA, OCW, ECW and WWE. What do I have to do to get some NWA Hollywood in here?
Oh apparently that's the song of a guy named Vance Bateman, who is GM of Ascension....whatever that is. Apparently everyone that paid to watch the PPV gets a refund because of the delay. Great, so now everyone is like me. Uh....yeah great. Anyway the fans are happy, even though they're watching the show and not the PPV feed so they shouldn't get a refund but whatever.
Bateman talks about something called the Ratings Spike (OCW legend Rusty's finishing move) which I guess is a talk show hosted by a guy named Austin Reynolds. The fans cheer for him so he's over I guess. Apparently there's going to be a battle royal before the show.
We see Falcon being dragged out and thrown into a garbage can. Even money says he plays a roll later tonight. We're actually getting started now. Oh wait there's an opening video first. We get graphics of the matches....no names but graphics nonetheless along with any appropriate stipulations. I will say this: it's been a long time since I've seen a show with an alien on the roster (although I have seen it before). Now it's repeating after just thirty seconds with over three minutes to go. This is going to be a REALLY long night isn't it? I'll be watching Rocky and Bullwinkle until this gets done.
We get another video (what happened to STARTING THE SHOW?) from earlier today with some guy named Krypto (thank you hand name graphic. Is that in case he gets lost and needs to tell someone his name?) walking through a parking lot and holding a cardboard box. He shouts to someone named Myles about setting up a spaceship for later and we pan over to see presumably Myles directing a truck. Apparently the cardboard box is the ship but Myles isn't pleased.
The truck stops and Myles throws open the door. He talks about some mentor program that Krypto was in with Bateman and a guy named Dave. Apparently Krypto did well in it so tonight, Myles is giving him a treat: whatever is in the truck! Krypto gives him a hug and is called a freak for his efforts. Ok then.
It's time for the Ratings Spike (and time for me to see my lawyers about a copyright suit) and here's Austin Reynolds. He's the Ratings Winner apparently. Wouldn't a better name for him be the Ratings Spike because he makes them spike? A show is usually called a ratings winner, not a person. Austin grabs a mic and thanks the fans for a warm welcome home reception. Apparently he's in the main event tonight against David Cougar (cue porn music) and Constantine (cool name, and only the second name taken from DC Comics in 10 minutes) despite being gone for awhile.
Reynolds talks about being the best and longest (I'm guessing he means longest reigning because he's only about 6'0. Maybe it's a midgets title?) Elite X Champion ever (sounds cruiserweighty) but the current champion claims to be better instead. But we're not going to talk about the current champion (whoever that may be. We'll call him Gus). Instead, here's the current champion's opponent for later tonight: Celeste Crimson.
She comes out to Pantera so at least this isn't a total loss. Austin gives her the Are You Ready treatment (the Attitude Era section of my brain hurts from the conflict of character and catchphrase) and Crimson confirms that she is indeed ready. Unfortunately they don't copy the occasional flash that female DX fans would give at that point but you can't win them all I guess.
Celeste is still talking when she's cut off by Nirvana music. That would be the music of one Sam Smith who has a big belt with an X on it. I think you can fit the pieces together on this one yourselves. Smith talks about being the real talent here and that he doesn't need this title to prove that.
Celeste is another no name that he'll beat as champion. He has more to say but the no name cuts him off, asking him to shut up. Celeste says come out here and do it right now because there's already a referee here. I'm guessing she means Austin, so he's a referee and not wrestling tonight? Makes sense, although his promo implied he was wrestling. Celeste says she'll win tonight and that's about it.
We get a commercial for elephant ear wax remover. On a PPV? Seriously?
Back from a break (now minus 19.95 because they offered the power adapter for the wax remover free) with some chick named Stacey and a guy named Triple X (add TNA to the rip off list). Before she can ask anything though, Triple X is jumped by some dude we can't see a good shot of. He destroys X and rams him into a wall for good measure before saying that was too easy. We pan over and see a guy named Stephen Holmes who shakes the mystery man's hand. Apparently the mystery man's name is Erik. Good enough.
Battle Royal
Jimmy Flynn, Sandy Deserts, Mister Alhazred, Connor Reese, Ricky Runn, Dustin Hunter, Thrash, Brent Blaze
This is billed as the main event of the pre-show. Don't you need more than one match to have a main event? Anyway the winner gets in something called Lethal Lottery (check off WCW on the list of companies. You knew it was coming). After another break (this one for Pepsi which is a step down in my eyes) we're going at it and I have no idea who anyone but Flynn is.
Everyone goes at it as you would expect them to in a battle royal. According to Rebecca the chick is named Sandy and she gets a guy named All Hazard (what kind of a name is that?) to the apron. Is that....is that a Nintendo Power Glove? I know my favorite now! Either way it goes upside Sandy's head and All Hazard is back inside. Thrash is down on the mat as Blaze and Hunter (thank you good announcers for giving me an idea who these people are) hit a nice double suplex on Flynn.
Some big dude named Reese has a camel clutch on Runn. Ok so apparently this Reese guy isn't that smart. Noted. Hunter chokes Thrash to no avail but as Thrash (apparently a rocker) throws him off, Hunter pulls him down to the floor, accidentally eliminating himself in the process. Hunter decks Thrash on his way out so I'm guessing he's a heel. Back in the ring, All Hazard is playing with the Glove but gets glitter bombed for his efforts, allowing Sandy to hit a sweet spin kick to the face to get us down to five.
Elsewhere Blaze sizes up Flynn but Reese launches Blaze at Flynn instead, sending Blaze to the apron. After the poor cat is skinned, Flynn blasts Blaze in the face with an elbow to get us to four, but Reese makes it three with an elimination of Flynn that draws a gasp from the crowd. So we're down to Sandy, Reese and Runn for the spot in the Lethal Lottery. Sandy tries to jump Reese but gets snapmared down and kicked in the head for her troubles. Nice to see the man on woman rule doesn't exist here.
Runn gets back up and charges at Reese, taking him down with a nice neckbreaker. He goes up top for something and....breaks the ring. Well that's not good. The crowd, which was complaining about being delayed earlier, cheers at the damage which will cause further delays. Some referees come out to fix things and declare that this is now an over the middle rope battle royal. Well at least we don't have to worry about someone stepping over the down top rope for a cheap finish. Sandy tries to pound on Reese but he easily shoves her to the edge of the ring and out to the floor, getting us down to Reese vs. Runn.
Speaking of Runn he charges in with a rana to send Reese flying but whatever he was trying by grabbing Reese's arm is countered. Reese gets in a shot to the ribs and loads up what appears to be a sleeper. He drags Runn over to the ropes but Runn hangs on in a last ditch effort. Reese lets go of the hold and charges (like I said, this guy isn't too bright. You NEVER charge in a battle royal), only to be tripped up and sent...not all the way to the floor.
Reese hangs on by his feet in a cool looking visual but Runn can't follow up at the moment. Reese gets back to his feet in the ring but walks into a shot to the face. Runn fires off a spear, sending both guys out to the floor at the same time. Yep we've got a double elimination.
Rating: D+. I'm not a fan of battle royals for the most part and this one was rather dull until the ending. Reese and Runn had good chemistry together and their part was by far the best. The other six people didn't need to exist for the most part, which is genuinely the case in battle royals. Still though, this was free and it's hard to complain about something that you didn't have to pay for. That ring rope breaking isn't a good sign though, as it would make me as a prospective buyer leery of paying these guys for something.
Time for the actual show.
We get a nice video with a voiceover talking about how there are winners and losers in life, set over shots of wrestlers in the matches tonight. Standard stuff but well done.
Mikey Stormrage vs. Mason Westhoff
Mikey appears to be a 20 something post college guy who would fit in in a big city. Westhoff on the other hand is a rather chilling individual from Arkansas. I'm getting a Mordecai vibe from him, which is either awesome or REALLY bad depending on who you ask. Westhoff has a manager named Gran Mystique with him and apparently if Mikey wins, he gets to face Mystique in a cage tonight. This is part of an ongoing feud with Mason's Sacrificial Altar. Westhoff has to remove his priestly garb and we're ready to go.
We're ready to go in a hurry too with Mason charging at Mikey who is fine with starting like this. They slug it out with Mikey getting the better of it, only to get poked in the eyes to stop him cold. Well likely warm given the physical nature of wrestling but you get the idea. Mason takes a quick breath and goes after Stormrage, only to get taken to the mat and pummeled even more. The crowd is hot tonight and they're WAY into Mikey here.
The referee finally pulls Mikey off of Mason to give the priestly dude a breather. Mikey charges into the corner, but just like in the preshow match this proves to be a bad idea. Stormrage hits the buckle and Mason smiles that creepy preacher smile. As is the case with any good heel though, it's premature and Mikey spears him into the corner for some HARD shoulders to the ribs. A big belly to belly from the rotund Stormrage gets two and he motions to Mystique of how close it was.
Mason pops back up and hits an impressive powerslam on Mikey to shift the momentum and things slow down a bit. A big clothesline gets two for Westhoff but more importantly Stormrage is clearly getting winded. Mason hits a top rope clothesline for no cover as he flies up to the top for a backsplash. That gets two more but Westhoff is smiling anyway. He loads up a spear (apparently called Divine Intervention. It's clear why these are the top level commentators), only to get taken down by a fat man cross body.
Both guys are down and Westhoff is in pain. The referee actually does his job for once and checks on him, but like any good manager, Mystique pops up on the apron to try to do some cheating. Mikey grabs him by the head and loads up a right hand, only to get blasted in the face by some red mist. Westhoff miraculously pops up and spears Mikey down for the pin.
Rating: C-. Good choice for an opener here but they didn't have a long enough time in between the start and the finish. Mason's style is odd for someone of his character as well, given that he's a villain that wrestles like a face. Maybe it's just the nature of the gimmick, but he comes off as someone that would wrestle a lot slower than he did here. Still though, hot opener and the fans were digging it which is the right idea.
Post match Mystique gets a mic and says we're not done yet. Geez I hope not. We're ten minutes into a show. That would be a pretty lame PPV. Anyway, the lights go out until a spotlight shines on Mikey, who is alone in the ring. As the lights come back up, we see the cage has lowered around him but Mystique is inside with him. That's a fast cage. Mystique runs down Mikey, talking about how Mikey got rid of Jacobs (presumably the member of the Altar) but has failed James Howard (I'm guessing Mikey's injured partner) tonight.
Mystique threatens to destroy Stormrage as well which is enough to make Mikey snap. He jumps to his feet but walks into a shot from the microphone to the face. To Mystique's chagrin, it has no effect whatsoever, much like the second shot. Mikey erupts on Mystique in the corner with right hands and a set of avalanches. He looks to set up GAME OVER (World's Strongest Slam) but Mason is climbing the cage. Stormrage makes the eternal mistake of the good guys: he drops the other man without injuring him first. Even money says that's going to come back to haunt him.
Westhoff dives at Mikey but the gamer pulls a Samoa Joe and just steps to the side, sending Mason crashing down into the mat. I love that move. In the confusion though, Mystique escapes the cage door and Mikey is frustrated. That frustration is taken out by a four walled Oklahoma GAME OVER (old school fans will get the meaning of that) to lay out Westhoff and pop the crowd huge.
We go to the back to see world champion Showtime David Cougar (I'm guessing this is the Dave mentioned in the preshow. If not that's a bad writing team) getting ready for later.
Mayhem Title: Krypto vs. Vega
Krypto is an alien and this is a flying saucer match. Well that's stacking the deck a bit isn't it? I think this is their hardcore title and that this is a casket match but with a spaceship instead of a casket. Oh and Vega is defending. Krypto comes through the crowd as we hear about him winning a mentor program and getting a title match here tonight as a result. Vega is the heel here, making Krypto more like E.T. than say the Predator. As Vega gets in the ring, the lights go out again. I know you guys are low level but PAY YOUR FREAKING BILLS!
Oh wait it's because we have a spaceship over the stage now. After it lands, a door opens up and a ramp extends from it with ominous green light inside the ship. According to the announcer, indeed it's like a casket match. They stare each other down out of the corner before circling the ring for a bit. Vega gets into a boxing stance ala Jim Brown from Mars Attacks! Krypto isn't sure what's going on so Vega takes the advantage to pound away on the challenger, punching him into the corner.
The beating continues for a few moments until the champion is gassed. That's not a good sign this early in the match, but then again hardcore wrestlers aren't really wrestlers most of the time. Krypto uses the breather to dropkick Vega's knee out before rolling to the floor. I'm guessing following up isn't an alien tradition. Instead he heads outside and grabs a chair which he blasts Vega with as the champion tries to come to the floor. Another chair shot to the back puts Vega down and there's a knee drop onto the chair onto Vega's head.
We now begin the long process of a small (yet still the heavier of the two) alien pulling the champion towards the stage. It's WAY too early for that though and Vega kicks Krypto away. A quick suplex puts Krypto down on the floor but Vega is too banged up to immediately follow up. After pulling himself up to the apron, Vega his a short range missile dropkick to send Krypto into the barricade. The fans cheer for Krypto, which makes sense assuming he understands English. If not, these fans might have just started an intergalactic war. You always knew it would be the wrestling fans.
Despite still being hurt, Vega gets to his feet first and lifts up the metal steps in a surprising display of strength for someone his size. Vega drops the steps down onto Krypto's leg and the alien is in trouble. The champion throws Krypto up onto his shoulder and climbs back onto the steps. He loads Krypto into a fireman's carry for something devastating but the green one escapes and shoves Vega down to the floor. A big rana sends Vega back first into the barricade and momentum shifts again.
Krypto is up to his feet first and looks at the ship with a smiel on his face. Instead of going after Vega or going towards the ship, he finds a well placed ladder under the ring. Quick question: do the wrestlers themselves put those under there? Is there a designated area for each person's weapons area? Is there a line to put them in? It's a rather odd image. Anyway, the top of the ladder goes into Vega's injured midsection and the champion tries to crawl away. The problem for him is he crawls up towards the stage as Krypto pounds away with the ladder even more.
Vega staggers towards the ship but falls down on the way there from the pain. He begs off from Krypto, earning himself a ladder shot to the head. Apparently the alien is rather vicious as well. I wonder if he's related to Sid. They're both clearly not from this planet. Krypto leans the ladder against the ship but an elbow to the back of the head sends him staggering down. Vega climbs up the ladder for no apparent reason and is followed by the challenger.
They slug it out on top of the ladder with Krypto getting the better of it. He drags Vega to the edge of the ship and hits a BIG kick to the head to send Vega falling back down to the stage. Vega is busted open as Krypto throws him into the saucer but he blocks the door from being closed. Krypto is shoved backwards and Vega is able to get out. The champion is busted open but still manages to duck another roundhouse kick and puts Krypto in a triangle choke. The alien is out cold and after the Killswitch in the saucer, Vega finally closes the door to retain the title.
Rating: C. Nice brawl here but the main issue comes down to the way Vega fights. He weighs 175 and he uses the same move that a guy like Ryback uses? Anyway, the alien idea was cute and it's something that would get over very easily if it could actually be done today. The match itself wasn't bad either, although I would have expected more mayhem in a match for the Mayhem Championship.
The spaceship floats away.
XXX may not be able to fight tonight due to the pre-show attack.
Elite X Title: Celeste Crimson vs. Sam Smith
Smith is defending and is the only male in this match. This is the Cruiserweight Title I'm assuming. Smith takes his time to get to the ring as he is indeed a rather cocky heel. He grabs a mic and talks about how awesome he is at stopping people on hot streaks as he apparently did to XXX recently. Crimson's music cuts him off though and we're ready to go. Actually we're not as Smith says cut her music and demands that she come down to the ring in silence. Crimson doesn't move so Smith says that she's “typical of her gender.” Oh you know it's on now. Actually it takes a few more insults but NOW it's on.
Crimson tackles Smith to the mat and pounds away at the champion's face. He tries to get up the ramp but Crimson is right there waiting to slam his head into the apron and throw him back in for the opening bell. Back in and Smith tries to run, only to get pulled into a cradle suplex for no cover. A belly to belly suplex sets up rolling Germans as the champion is in big trouble early. Crimson hooks an Octopus Hold and pounds away on the ribs but Smith says he won't give up to a girl.
Celeste cranks even harder but tries to sink the hold in just a bit too deep, allowing Smith to hip toss her down to break things up. Crimson gets back up but walks into a high kick and a side slam to put her back down. A shot to the chick's knee puts her in position. For kicks to the head I mean you freaking perverts. Anyway a DDT puts Crimson on the mat and Smith stomps away on the knee, setting up a heel hook.
Smith has the hold in pretty deep but Celeste tries to kick away. That goes badly too as Smith grabs the legs and tries a Sharpshooter, only to get kicked away again. Back up and Celeste hits a superkick followed by a DDT to put him down twice. A standing moonsault gets no cover as Celeste loads up the Spirit Crushing spin kick, only to walk into a desperation spinebuster to put both people down. Smith knocks her out again with a falcon's arrow and a GTS makes night fall on Crimon's title hopes.
Rating: C. For a submission chick, Crimson didn't have that many submission attempts in this match. The ending was the logical conclusion as the physical strength caught up with her at the end. This was a nice little fast paced match, although I'm getting a bit tired of hearing about people holding insert body part here in pain. Mix up the wording a little bit. Also, three matches in, three heel wins. This is kind of depressing.
The guy named Erik from earlier on won't let Steven Holmes be interviewed. We've got a bodyguard on our hands here.
The Empire vs. Barbosa/S.H.I.T.
We're going to call the last of those four Ed instead of making me type all that stuff out. The Empire is Justin Cooper and Alex Bowen and I'm thinking this is a grudge match. Ed appears to be uh.....a robot. He's on the face team of course because he's....a robot. The announcers talk about Barbosa and Ed nearly dying at Unscripted. Apparently it's not important enough to go into detail but I guess those aren't in the script. You may now pause for a rimshot.
Bowen and Barbosa start things off with Alex jumping him from behind. Ed tries to be a cheating robot but can't stop Alex from kicking away at the leg of the robot partner. Alex pounds away at Barbosa's face, only to miss a clothesline and walk into one of Barbosa's own. An STO is broken up by Alex but he gets caught by a running knee to the ribs to put him down again. He lands in his own corner though and it's off to Justin for the first time.
Another shot to the knee of Barbosa slows him down and Justin loads up a DDT, only to be driven into the wrong corner. Barbosa must have been watching his old Rick Rude tapes. Off to Ed who tries the Punk knee/bulldog combo in the corner, getting the typical Punk result of a blocked bulldog. That doesn't get Justin much relief as a series of clothesline sends Cooper out to the floor. The heels start to walk out, only to have Barbosa give chase. Apparently the Empire is smarter than most heels though as they catch Barbosa coming in with a double hip toss. Nice work there.
Ed goes up to help his partner but gets picked off by Cooper, starting a brawl to bring the two legal men back to the ring. Alex pounds on Barbosa at the top of the stage as Ed loads grabs Justin by the neck. A suplex is broken up by the returning Alex though and Justin takes over with a jawbreaker. After some cheating from the floor by Bowen, he comes in legally but allows Justin to drop a series of elbows. Bowen follows with a nice slingshot legdrop for two.
The heels double team a bit more as the referee has no problem with letting the two of them be in the ring against Ed at once. Barbosa is still recovering and isn't off ordering zucchini in case you were wondering. Off to a hammerlock of all things by Cooper but Ed counters into one of his own, followed by a German for two. Off to Bowen but he can't pick up Ed for a piledriver because he's uh........a robot.
Ed backdrops his way out of danger (Will Robinson!) and Barbosa comes back down to block a tag off to Justin. He pulls Cooper down to the floor and hits a BIG suplex to send him into the crowd. Ed uses the distraction to pop back up and hit a neckbreaker out of the corner to take Bowen out. Hot tag brings in Barbosa who hits four straight DDTs (thank goodness this isn't War Zone) to scramble Bowen's brains a bit.
Instead of covering though Barbosa picks him up for the Doppleganger (a lifting piledriver from behind). Here's Justin with a chair but like a schmuck he charges at Barbosa, only to get low bridged out to the floor. In an odd ending, Ed tags himself in and hits a Doppleganger of his own for the pin on Bowen.
Rating: C. Basic tag match here which worked well enough. I'm not sure if there's a reason these teams are fighting or why Ed finished things the way he did, but at least the match was entertaining while it lasted. Barbosa made me think of pirates if nothing else and that's cool enough to make for an interesting match.
Barbosa stares at Ed but it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Constantine, the leader of the Empire, is getting ready in the back.
Here are Holmes and Erik for their third appearance tonight. Holmes has a briefcase with him which he presents to Erik, revealing a lot of money. Well that clears some things up. Apparently there was a bounty involved. Ok then. Holmes says that since XXX has been taken out, apparently he gets to be #1 contender by default. Steven looks to Erik and says that he's familiar with this guy, because Erik is his brother. The money was payment for taking out XXX, but some music implies that Steven may need a refund. With the help of Big Dave, XXX makes his way out and we're ready to go.
Triple X vs. Steven Holmes
The winner is #1 contender. Before we get going though, Erik is ejected from ringside. Steven FREAKS at the prospect of his brother being sent to the back like any good heel would. X goes to the middle of the ring to fight, only to have Holmes keep just out of his reach. It's clear that X can barely stand up, so Holmes picks off X's leg. X fires off an enziguri out of nowhere and you can almost hear him groan. He can't follow up though so Holmes is up to his feet first. Holmes is also the first to go flying through the air as he charges into a backdrop, sending him over the top and out to the floor.
Somehow X busts out a HUGE dive to take Holmes out before nearly collapsing onto the announce table. Back in and X tries to charge at Holmes in the corner, only to hit only buckles and ropes. X jumps to the top but has to catch his balance, allowing Holmes to get underneath him for an electric chair position. X keeps up the speed though and hooks a victory roll for two. A small package gets the same so Holmes elbows him in the face to buy himself some time. X snaps right back into things with a schoolboy for his third near fall in just a few seconds.
Holmes misses a charge in the corner and gets his head kicked off to stagger him a bit. A DDT (popular move tonight) gets two on Steven so X hits the Black Out. He loads up X-Rated but only hits Holmes in the chest, reinjuring his leg in the process. A missed dropkick makes it even worse for X and Holmes goes after the injury, dropping knees on the knee and hooking a basic leg lock. Holmes lets go of the hold to laugh evily. Ok that's awesome.
A neckbreaker puts X right back down but Holmes picks him back up for a suplex. Another suplex puts X down again and the pain is getting to him even more now. Off to a full nelson by Steven but he can't get a submission. Like any good villain, instead of holding on until X blacks out, Holmes loses patience and tries a dragon suplex, only to get rolled up for two for X. Holmes loses it and stomps away at X before regaining his composure and loading up a suplex. X snaps off a rana out of nowhere to send Holmes further into madness.
Steven charges into the corner, only to meet a pair of boots to the face. Another charge misses X in the corner completely and a backbreaker from X puts Holmes down again. With nothing else to lose, X loads up the Firefly (flippies!) but crashes down onto the mat below with no Holmes lettuce to complete the flippy sandwich. A piledriver is enough to pin the carcass that used to be X.
Rating: B-. I was getting into this one and the story worked very well. It's a classic which is going to work no matter how many times you tell it, but not having X win was probably the right call. It would make Holmes look very weak to lose here as X was almost done for from the opening bell. On top of that, Erik would look like a buffoon and you don't want that on the first appearance for a character. Good stuff here and the best match of the show, although a submission might have been a better ending with X blacking out (get it?) from the pain.
Matt Tastic says that even though Rush has powerbombed him time after time, Matt has kept getting up. Tonight he's going to do whatever it takes to get the Eurasian Title and be a champion of the people everywhere. The fans seem to like this guy.
All or Nothing 2013
Date: February 25, 2013
Location: WZCW Arena, Parts Unknown, Kansas
Commentators: Sebastian Copeland, Jack Cohen, Catherine Connors
So this is another one of those companies that I've heard a lot about but have somehow managed to avoid over the years. Basically all I know coming into this are the names of a few people and some of the creative team that pesters me for plugs on my site every now and then. Apparently this is one of those free PPVs that they run occasionally which is an oxymoron as there's no actual PAYING involved in this PAY per view but what can you expect from a bunch of OCW knockoffs?
Anyway, I'm basically going into this show blind as I have no idea who is who or what is going on. Granted that's what got me into Heroes of Wrestling so maybe this is a dumb idea. The PPV is already up late which makes me want my money back already. There's even a freaking pre-show to get through too. I have no idea who any of the wrestlers are, what any of the feuds/stories are, what any of the matches are or what to expect here. I'm also in a bad mood so this could get interesting. Let's get to it.
We open the show with........an apology. Great, now I'm already having flashbacks to ECW when Paul Heyman would apologize because he couldn't get his boys out of jail had new matches to reward his loyal fans with. Another bad sign: the female commentator is reading off a teleprompter that you can see reflected in her glasses and the word apologize is misspelled in her script.
Apparently some guy wanted the show to start late and gets his way around here. Why wasn't I given this offer too? It's something about Australia (SEE??? I TOLD YOU THEY WERE RIPPING OFF OCW!) and a guy in My Little Pony gear (strike one) named Falcon. Suddenly I have a desire to see him punch someone. Some fans freak out when the camera pans up there, which makes me think either this guy is universally hated or the announcers are piping their words in through the PA system ala World Wrestling All-Stars, another company that frequented Australia back around the start of the new millennium.
The door opens up and Falcon is beaten down for his actions by the fans. So let me get this straight: the fans are mad about a show being late so they beat down the guy who caused it, making the show start EVEN LATER? Also if this is a pre-show, how mad can they be? The show isn't supposed to have started yet, so why do they need to be angry? More ECW similarities: ticked off fans that probably didn't pay to get in.
Their theme song is Ready to Roll by Jet Black Stare. Good song, but now they're ripping off WWE (theme to Summerslam 08) as well. We're not even on the show yet and they've copied WWA, OCW, ECW and WWE. What do I have to do to get some NWA Hollywood in here?
Oh apparently that's the song of a guy named Vance Bateman, who is GM of Ascension....whatever that is. Apparently everyone that paid to watch the PPV gets a refund because of the delay. Great, so now everyone is like me. Uh....yeah great. Anyway the fans are happy, even though they're watching the show and not the PPV feed so they shouldn't get a refund but whatever.
Bateman talks about something called the Ratings Spike (OCW legend Rusty's finishing move) which I guess is a talk show hosted by a guy named Austin Reynolds. The fans cheer for him so he's over I guess. Apparently there's going to be a battle royal before the show.
We see Falcon being dragged out and thrown into a garbage can. Even money says he plays a roll later tonight. We're actually getting started now. Oh wait there's an opening video first. We get graphics of the matches....no names but graphics nonetheless along with any appropriate stipulations. I will say this: it's been a long time since I've seen a show with an alien on the roster (although I have seen it before). Now it's repeating after just thirty seconds with over three minutes to go. This is going to be a REALLY long night isn't it? I'll be watching Rocky and Bullwinkle until this gets done.
We get another video (what happened to STARTING THE SHOW?) from earlier today with some guy named Krypto (thank you hand name graphic. Is that in case he gets lost and needs to tell someone his name?) walking through a parking lot and holding a cardboard box. He shouts to someone named Myles about setting up a spaceship for later and we pan over to see presumably Myles directing a truck. Apparently the cardboard box is the ship but Myles isn't pleased.
The truck stops and Myles throws open the door. He talks about some mentor program that Krypto was in with Bateman and a guy named Dave. Apparently Krypto did well in it so tonight, Myles is giving him a treat: whatever is in the truck! Krypto gives him a hug and is called a freak for his efforts. Ok then.
It's time for the Ratings Spike (and time for me to see my lawyers about a copyright suit) and here's Austin Reynolds. He's the Ratings Winner apparently. Wouldn't a better name for him be the Ratings Spike because he makes them spike? A show is usually called a ratings winner, not a person. Austin grabs a mic and thanks the fans for a warm welcome home reception. Apparently he's in the main event tonight against David Cougar (cue porn music) and Constantine (cool name, and only the second name taken from DC Comics in 10 minutes) despite being gone for awhile.
Reynolds talks about being the best and longest (I'm guessing he means longest reigning because he's only about 6'0. Maybe it's a midgets title?) Elite X Champion ever (sounds cruiserweighty) but the current champion claims to be better instead. But we're not going to talk about the current champion (whoever that may be. We'll call him Gus). Instead, here's the current champion's opponent for later tonight: Celeste Crimson.
She comes out to Pantera so at least this isn't a total loss. Austin gives her the Are You Ready treatment (the Attitude Era section of my brain hurts from the conflict of character and catchphrase) and Crimson confirms that she is indeed ready. Unfortunately they don't copy the occasional flash that female DX fans would give at that point but you can't win them all I guess.
Celeste is still talking when she's cut off by Nirvana music. That would be the music of one Sam Smith who has a big belt with an X on it. I think you can fit the pieces together on this one yourselves. Smith talks about being the real talent here and that he doesn't need this title to prove that.
Celeste is another no name that he'll beat as champion. He has more to say but the no name cuts him off, asking him to shut up. Celeste says come out here and do it right now because there's already a referee here. I'm guessing she means Austin, so he's a referee and not wrestling tonight? Makes sense, although his promo implied he was wrestling. Celeste says she'll win tonight and that's about it.
We get a commercial for elephant ear wax remover. On a PPV? Seriously?
Back from a break (now minus 19.95 because they offered the power adapter for the wax remover free) with some chick named Stacey and a guy named Triple X (add TNA to the rip off list). Before she can ask anything though, Triple X is jumped by some dude we can't see a good shot of. He destroys X and rams him into a wall for good measure before saying that was too easy. We pan over and see a guy named Stephen Holmes who shakes the mystery man's hand. Apparently the mystery man's name is Erik. Good enough.
Battle Royal
Jimmy Flynn, Sandy Deserts, Mister Alhazred, Connor Reese, Ricky Runn, Dustin Hunter, Thrash, Brent Blaze
This is billed as the main event of the pre-show. Don't you need more than one match to have a main event? Anyway the winner gets in something called Lethal Lottery (check off WCW on the list of companies. You knew it was coming). After another break (this one for Pepsi which is a step down in my eyes) we're going at it and I have no idea who anyone but Flynn is.
Everyone goes at it as you would expect them to in a battle royal. According to Rebecca the chick is named Sandy and she gets a guy named All Hazard (what kind of a name is that?) to the apron. Is that....is that a Nintendo Power Glove? I know my favorite now! Either way it goes upside Sandy's head and All Hazard is back inside. Thrash is down on the mat as Blaze and Hunter (thank you good announcers for giving me an idea who these people are) hit a nice double suplex on Flynn.
Some big dude named Reese has a camel clutch on Runn. Ok so apparently this Reese guy isn't that smart. Noted. Hunter chokes Thrash to no avail but as Thrash (apparently a rocker) throws him off, Hunter pulls him down to the floor, accidentally eliminating himself in the process. Hunter decks Thrash on his way out so I'm guessing he's a heel. Back in the ring, All Hazard is playing with the Glove but gets glitter bombed for his efforts, allowing Sandy to hit a sweet spin kick to the face to get us down to five.
Elsewhere Blaze sizes up Flynn but Reese launches Blaze at Flynn instead, sending Blaze to the apron. After the poor cat is skinned, Flynn blasts Blaze in the face with an elbow to get us to four, but Reese makes it three with an elimination of Flynn that draws a gasp from the crowd. So we're down to Sandy, Reese and Runn for the spot in the Lethal Lottery. Sandy tries to jump Reese but gets snapmared down and kicked in the head for her troubles. Nice to see the man on woman rule doesn't exist here.
Runn gets back up and charges at Reese, taking him down with a nice neckbreaker. He goes up top for something and....breaks the ring. Well that's not good. The crowd, which was complaining about being delayed earlier, cheers at the damage which will cause further delays. Some referees come out to fix things and declare that this is now an over the middle rope battle royal. Well at least we don't have to worry about someone stepping over the down top rope for a cheap finish. Sandy tries to pound on Reese but he easily shoves her to the edge of the ring and out to the floor, getting us down to Reese vs. Runn.
Speaking of Runn he charges in with a rana to send Reese flying but whatever he was trying by grabbing Reese's arm is countered. Reese gets in a shot to the ribs and loads up what appears to be a sleeper. He drags Runn over to the ropes but Runn hangs on in a last ditch effort. Reese lets go of the hold and charges (like I said, this guy isn't too bright. You NEVER charge in a battle royal), only to be tripped up and sent...not all the way to the floor.
Reese hangs on by his feet in a cool looking visual but Runn can't follow up at the moment. Reese gets back to his feet in the ring but walks into a shot to the face. Runn fires off a spear, sending both guys out to the floor at the same time. Yep we've got a double elimination.
Rating: D+. I'm not a fan of battle royals for the most part and this one was rather dull until the ending. Reese and Runn had good chemistry together and their part was by far the best. The other six people didn't need to exist for the most part, which is genuinely the case in battle royals. Still though, this was free and it's hard to complain about something that you didn't have to pay for. That ring rope breaking isn't a good sign though, as it would make me as a prospective buyer leery of paying these guys for something.
Time for the actual show.
We get a nice video with a voiceover talking about how there are winners and losers in life, set over shots of wrestlers in the matches tonight. Standard stuff but well done.
Mikey Stormrage vs. Mason Westhoff
Mikey appears to be a 20 something post college guy who would fit in in a big city. Westhoff on the other hand is a rather chilling individual from Arkansas. I'm getting a Mordecai vibe from him, which is either awesome or REALLY bad depending on who you ask. Westhoff has a manager named Gran Mystique with him and apparently if Mikey wins, he gets to face Mystique in a cage tonight. This is part of an ongoing feud with Mason's Sacrificial Altar. Westhoff has to remove his priestly garb and we're ready to go.
We're ready to go in a hurry too with Mason charging at Mikey who is fine with starting like this. They slug it out with Mikey getting the better of it, only to get poked in the eyes to stop him cold. Well likely warm given the physical nature of wrestling but you get the idea. Mason takes a quick breath and goes after Stormrage, only to get taken to the mat and pummeled even more. The crowd is hot tonight and they're WAY into Mikey here.
The referee finally pulls Mikey off of Mason to give the priestly dude a breather. Mikey charges into the corner, but just like in the preshow match this proves to be a bad idea. Stormrage hits the buckle and Mason smiles that creepy preacher smile. As is the case with any good heel though, it's premature and Mikey spears him into the corner for some HARD shoulders to the ribs. A big belly to belly from the rotund Stormrage gets two and he motions to Mystique of how close it was.
Mason pops back up and hits an impressive powerslam on Mikey to shift the momentum and things slow down a bit. A big clothesline gets two for Westhoff but more importantly Stormrage is clearly getting winded. Mason hits a top rope clothesline for no cover as he flies up to the top for a backsplash. That gets two more but Westhoff is smiling anyway. He loads up a spear (apparently called Divine Intervention. It's clear why these are the top level commentators), only to get taken down by a fat man cross body.
Both guys are down and Westhoff is in pain. The referee actually does his job for once and checks on him, but like any good manager, Mystique pops up on the apron to try to do some cheating. Mikey grabs him by the head and loads up a right hand, only to get blasted in the face by some red mist. Westhoff miraculously pops up and spears Mikey down for the pin.
Rating: C-. Good choice for an opener here but they didn't have a long enough time in between the start and the finish. Mason's style is odd for someone of his character as well, given that he's a villain that wrestles like a face. Maybe it's just the nature of the gimmick, but he comes off as someone that would wrestle a lot slower than he did here. Still though, hot opener and the fans were digging it which is the right idea.
Post match Mystique gets a mic and says we're not done yet. Geez I hope not. We're ten minutes into a show. That would be a pretty lame PPV. Anyway, the lights go out until a spotlight shines on Mikey, who is alone in the ring. As the lights come back up, we see the cage has lowered around him but Mystique is inside with him. That's a fast cage. Mystique runs down Mikey, talking about how Mikey got rid of Jacobs (presumably the member of the Altar) but has failed James Howard (I'm guessing Mikey's injured partner) tonight.
Mystique threatens to destroy Stormrage as well which is enough to make Mikey snap. He jumps to his feet but walks into a shot from the microphone to the face. To Mystique's chagrin, it has no effect whatsoever, much like the second shot. Mikey erupts on Mystique in the corner with right hands and a set of avalanches. He looks to set up GAME OVER (World's Strongest Slam) but Mason is climbing the cage. Stormrage makes the eternal mistake of the good guys: he drops the other man without injuring him first. Even money says that's going to come back to haunt him.
Westhoff dives at Mikey but the gamer pulls a Samoa Joe and just steps to the side, sending Mason crashing down into the mat. I love that move. In the confusion though, Mystique escapes the cage door and Mikey is frustrated. That frustration is taken out by a four walled Oklahoma GAME OVER (old school fans will get the meaning of that) to lay out Westhoff and pop the crowd huge.
We go to the back to see world champion Showtime David Cougar (I'm guessing this is the Dave mentioned in the preshow. If not that's a bad writing team) getting ready for later.
Mayhem Title: Krypto vs. Vega
Krypto is an alien and this is a flying saucer match. Well that's stacking the deck a bit isn't it? I think this is their hardcore title and that this is a casket match but with a spaceship instead of a casket. Oh and Vega is defending. Krypto comes through the crowd as we hear about him winning a mentor program and getting a title match here tonight as a result. Vega is the heel here, making Krypto more like E.T. than say the Predator. As Vega gets in the ring, the lights go out again. I know you guys are low level but PAY YOUR FREAKING BILLS!
Oh wait it's because we have a spaceship over the stage now. After it lands, a door opens up and a ramp extends from it with ominous green light inside the ship. According to the announcer, indeed it's like a casket match. They stare each other down out of the corner before circling the ring for a bit. Vega gets into a boxing stance ala Jim Brown from Mars Attacks! Krypto isn't sure what's going on so Vega takes the advantage to pound away on the challenger, punching him into the corner.
The beating continues for a few moments until the champion is gassed. That's not a good sign this early in the match, but then again hardcore wrestlers aren't really wrestlers most of the time. Krypto uses the breather to dropkick Vega's knee out before rolling to the floor. I'm guessing following up isn't an alien tradition. Instead he heads outside and grabs a chair which he blasts Vega with as the champion tries to come to the floor. Another chair shot to the back puts Vega down and there's a knee drop onto the chair onto Vega's head.
We now begin the long process of a small (yet still the heavier of the two) alien pulling the champion towards the stage. It's WAY too early for that though and Vega kicks Krypto away. A quick suplex puts Krypto down on the floor but Vega is too banged up to immediately follow up. After pulling himself up to the apron, Vega his a short range missile dropkick to send Krypto into the barricade. The fans cheer for Krypto, which makes sense assuming he understands English. If not, these fans might have just started an intergalactic war. You always knew it would be the wrestling fans.
Despite still being hurt, Vega gets to his feet first and lifts up the metal steps in a surprising display of strength for someone his size. Vega drops the steps down onto Krypto's leg and the alien is in trouble. The champion throws Krypto up onto his shoulder and climbs back onto the steps. He loads Krypto into a fireman's carry for something devastating but the green one escapes and shoves Vega down to the floor. A big rana sends Vega back first into the barricade and momentum shifts again.
Krypto is up to his feet first and looks at the ship with a smiel on his face. Instead of going after Vega or going towards the ship, he finds a well placed ladder under the ring. Quick question: do the wrestlers themselves put those under there? Is there a designated area for each person's weapons area? Is there a line to put them in? It's a rather odd image. Anyway, the top of the ladder goes into Vega's injured midsection and the champion tries to crawl away. The problem for him is he crawls up towards the stage as Krypto pounds away with the ladder even more.
Vega staggers towards the ship but falls down on the way there from the pain. He begs off from Krypto, earning himself a ladder shot to the head. Apparently the alien is rather vicious as well. I wonder if he's related to Sid. They're both clearly not from this planet. Krypto leans the ladder against the ship but an elbow to the back of the head sends him staggering down. Vega climbs up the ladder for no apparent reason and is followed by the challenger.
They slug it out on top of the ladder with Krypto getting the better of it. He drags Vega to the edge of the ship and hits a BIG kick to the head to send Vega falling back down to the stage. Vega is busted open as Krypto throws him into the saucer but he blocks the door from being closed. Krypto is shoved backwards and Vega is able to get out. The champion is busted open but still manages to duck another roundhouse kick and puts Krypto in a triangle choke. The alien is out cold and after the Killswitch in the saucer, Vega finally closes the door to retain the title.
Rating: C. Nice brawl here but the main issue comes down to the way Vega fights. He weighs 175 and he uses the same move that a guy like Ryback uses? Anyway, the alien idea was cute and it's something that would get over very easily if it could actually be done today. The match itself wasn't bad either, although I would have expected more mayhem in a match for the Mayhem Championship.
The spaceship floats away.
XXX may not be able to fight tonight due to the pre-show attack.
Elite X Title: Celeste Crimson vs. Sam Smith
Smith is defending and is the only male in this match. This is the Cruiserweight Title I'm assuming. Smith takes his time to get to the ring as he is indeed a rather cocky heel. He grabs a mic and talks about how awesome he is at stopping people on hot streaks as he apparently did to XXX recently. Crimson's music cuts him off though and we're ready to go. Actually we're not as Smith says cut her music and demands that she come down to the ring in silence. Crimson doesn't move so Smith says that she's “typical of her gender.” Oh you know it's on now. Actually it takes a few more insults but NOW it's on.
Crimson tackles Smith to the mat and pounds away at the champion's face. He tries to get up the ramp but Crimson is right there waiting to slam his head into the apron and throw him back in for the opening bell. Back in and Smith tries to run, only to get pulled into a cradle suplex for no cover. A belly to belly suplex sets up rolling Germans as the champion is in big trouble early. Crimson hooks an Octopus Hold and pounds away on the ribs but Smith says he won't give up to a girl.
Celeste cranks even harder but tries to sink the hold in just a bit too deep, allowing Smith to hip toss her down to break things up. Crimson gets back up but walks into a high kick and a side slam to put her back down. A shot to the chick's knee puts her in position. For kicks to the head I mean you freaking perverts. Anyway a DDT puts Crimson on the mat and Smith stomps away on the knee, setting up a heel hook.
Smith has the hold in pretty deep but Celeste tries to kick away. That goes badly too as Smith grabs the legs and tries a Sharpshooter, only to get kicked away again. Back up and Celeste hits a superkick followed by a DDT to put him down twice. A standing moonsault gets no cover as Celeste loads up the Spirit Crushing spin kick, only to walk into a desperation spinebuster to put both people down. Smith knocks her out again with a falcon's arrow and a GTS makes night fall on Crimon's title hopes.
Rating: C. For a submission chick, Crimson didn't have that many submission attempts in this match. The ending was the logical conclusion as the physical strength caught up with her at the end. This was a nice little fast paced match, although I'm getting a bit tired of hearing about people holding insert body part here in pain. Mix up the wording a little bit. Also, three matches in, three heel wins. This is kind of depressing.
The guy named Erik from earlier on won't let Steven Holmes be interviewed. We've got a bodyguard on our hands here.
The Empire vs. Barbosa/S.H.I.T.
We're going to call the last of those four Ed instead of making me type all that stuff out. The Empire is Justin Cooper and Alex Bowen and I'm thinking this is a grudge match. Ed appears to be uh.....a robot. He's on the face team of course because he's....a robot. The announcers talk about Barbosa and Ed nearly dying at Unscripted. Apparently it's not important enough to go into detail but I guess those aren't in the script. You may now pause for a rimshot.
Bowen and Barbosa start things off with Alex jumping him from behind. Ed tries to be a cheating robot but can't stop Alex from kicking away at the leg of the robot partner. Alex pounds away at Barbosa's face, only to miss a clothesline and walk into one of Barbosa's own. An STO is broken up by Alex but he gets caught by a running knee to the ribs to put him down again. He lands in his own corner though and it's off to Justin for the first time.
Another shot to the knee of Barbosa slows him down and Justin loads up a DDT, only to be driven into the wrong corner. Barbosa must have been watching his old Rick Rude tapes. Off to Ed who tries the Punk knee/bulldog combo in the corner, getting the typical Punk result of a blocked bulldog. That doesn't get Justin much relief as a series of clothesline sends Cooper out to the floor. The heels start to walk out, only to have Barbosa give chase. Apparently the Empire is smarter than most heels though as they catch Barbosa coming in with a double hip toss. Nice work there.
Ed goes up to help his partner but gets picked off by Cooper, starting a brawl to bring the two legal men back to the ring. Alex pounds on Barbosa at the top of the stage as Ed loads grabs Justin by the neck. A suplex is broken up by the returning Alex though and Justin takes over with a jawbreaker. After some cheating from the floor by Bowen, he comes in legally but allows Justin to drop a series of elbows. Bowen follows with a nice slingshot legdrop for two.
The heels double team a bit more as the referee has no problem with letting the two of them be in the ring against Ed at once. Barbosa is still recovering and isn't off ordering zucchini in case you were wondering. Off to a hammerlock of all things by Cooper but Ed counters into one of his own, followed by a German for two. Off to Bowen but he can't pick up Ed for a piledriver because he's uh........a robot.
Ed backdrops his way out of danger (Will Robinson!) and Barbosa comes back down to block a tag off to Justin. He pulls Cooper down to the floor and hits a BIG suplex to send him into the crowd. Ed uses the distraction to pop back up and hit a neckbreaker out of the corner to take Bowen out. Hot tag brings in Barbosa who hits four straight DDTs (thank goodness this isn't War Zone) to scramble Bowen's brains a bit.
Instead of covering though Barbosa picks him up for the Doppleganger (a lifting piledriver from behind). Here's Justin with a chair but like a schmuck he charges at Barbosa, only to get low bridged out to the floor. In an odd ending, Ed tags himself in and hits a Doppleganger of his own for the pin on Bowen.
Rating: C. Basic tag match here which worked well enough. I'm not sure if there's a reason these teams are fighting or why Ed finished things the way he did, but at least the match was entertaining while it lasted. Barbosa made me think of pirates if nothing else and that's cool enough to make for an interesting match.
Barbosa stares at Ed but it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Constantine, the leader of the Empire, is getting ready in the back.
Here are Holmes and Erik for their third appearance tonight. Holmes has a briefcase with him which he presents to Erik, revealing a lot of money. Well that clears some things up. Apparently there was a bounty involved. Ok then. Holmes says that since XXX has been taken out, apparently he gets to be #1 contender by default. Steven looks to Erik and says that he's familiar with this guy, because Erik is his brother. The money was payment for taking out XXX, but some music implies that Steven may need a refund. With the help of Big Dave, XXX makes his way out and we're ready to go.
Triple X vs. Steven Holmes
The winner is #1 contender. Before we get going though, Erik is ejected from ringside. Steven FREAKS at the prospect of his brother being sent to the back like any good heel would. X goes to the middle of the ring to fight, only to have Holmes keep just out of his reach. It's clear that X can barely stand up, so Holmes picks off X's leg. X fires off an enziguri out of nowhere and you can almost hear him groan. He can't follow up though so Holmes is up to his feet first. Holmes is also the first to go flying through the air as he charges into a backdrop, sending him over the top and out to the floor.
Somehow X busts out a HUGE dive to take Holmes out before nearly collapsing onto the announce table. Back in and X tries to charge at Holmes in the corner, only to hit only buckles and ropes. X jumps to the top but has to catch his balance, allowing Holmes to get underneath him for an electric chair position. X keeps up the speed though and hooks a victory roll for two. A small package gets the same so Holmes elbows him in the face to buy himself some time. X snaps right back into things with a schoolboy for his third near fall in just a few seconds.
Holmes misses a charge in the corner and gets his head kicked off to stagger him a bit. A DDT (popular move tonight) gets two on Steven so X hits the Black Out. He loads up X-Rated but only hits Holmes in the chest, reinjuring his leg in the process. A missed dropkick makes it even worse for X and Holmes goes after the injury, dropping knees on the knee and hooking a basic leg lock. Holmes lets go of the hold to laugh evily. Ok that's awesome.
A neckbreaker puts X right back down but Holmes picks him back up for a suplex. Another suplex puts X down again and the pain is getting to him even more now. Off to a full nelson by Steven but he can't get a submission. Like any good villain, instead of holding on until X blacks out, Holmes loses patience and tries a dragon suplex, only to get rolled up for two for X. Holmes loses it and stomps away at X before regaining his composure and loading up a suplex. X snaps off a rana out of nowhere to send Holmes further into madness.
Steven charges into the corner, only to meet a pair of boots to the face. Another charge misses X in the corner completely and a backbreaker from X puts Holmes down again. With nothing else to lose, X loads up the Firefly (flippies!) but crashes down onto the mat below with no Holmes lettuce to complete the flippy sandwich. A piledriver is enough to pin the carcass that used to be X.
Rating: B-. I was getting into this one and the story worked very well. It's a classic which is going to work no matter how many times you tell it, but not having X win was probably the right call. It would make Holmes look very weak to lose here as X was almost done for from the opening bell. On top of that, Erik would look like a buffoon and you don't want that on the first appearance for a character. Good stuff here and the best match of the show, although a submission might have been a better ending with X blacking out (get it?) from the pain.
Matt Tastic says that even though Rush has powerbombed him time after time, Matt has kept getting up. Tonight he's going to do whatever it takes to get the Eurasian Title and be a champion of the people everywhere. The fans seem to like this guy.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
El Califa Dragon vs. Drake Callahan
Dragon looks like your usual Japanese luchador likely being played by a Canadian. Callahan appears to be a heel. They start fast with Dragon grabbing a headlock, only to be shoved into the ropes where he comes back with a standing Lionsault. Drake tries to block it but Dragon counters into an armdrag to send him across the ring. A monkey flip sends Callahan flying and a cross body sends both guys out to the floor.
Dragon runs back in and tries a dive, only to be caught in a slam onto the concrete. The masked one tastes the steps (actually the part of his mask in front of his mouth but you get the idea) and we head back inside for a middle rope elbow for two for Drake. That gets two and Dragon snaps off a dropkick to get himself a breather. A hurricanrana is countered by Callahan into an electric chair drop to stop the momentum again. Callahan hits a gorgeous tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two and it's time to go for the mask.
Apparently Drake thinks that Califa is Ty Burna who is on hiatus at the moment. An abdominal stretch gives him another chance to pick at it, only to leg go of the hold and hit another backbreaker. Drake shoves the shoulders down for two but Califa gets his shoulder up anyway. Callahan tries again, only to get two more. They fight to their feet and it's time for a test of strength. A monkey flip sends Dragon onto the ropes but he bounces off into a tornado DDT. Drake is dazed so Dragon hits a Liger Kick to send Callahan to the floor.
Califa loads up a springboard something but stops on the apron when Drake slides in. The unmasked one hits a quick dropkick to send Dragon out to the floor. Back inside and it's off to an armbar so that Drake can go after the mask even more. Drake lets go of the hold and tries the Bitter End (Aries' Last Chancery) but Dragon fights out. Callahan goes back to the backbreaker, only to be countered into a headscissors for a VERY close two.
A splash by Dragon hits knees and Callahan snaps up, hitting a brainbuster for an even closer two as Dragon gets his foot on the ropes. Callahan is ticked off and charges into some modified Snake Eyes, allowing Dragon to load up another Liger Kick. Drake jumps over the kick though and Dragon rolls forward, only to jump to the ropes. His legs are taken out from under him though and Dragon gets crotched. They fight on the top rope but the masked man shoves him down with a crash. He busts out a freaking PHOENIX SPLASH for the academic pin.
Rating: B. This sounded rather familiar to me but it's rather Mysterio(us) where I've seen these Warrior(s) before and it's going to cause Havoc with my mind until Halloween. Anyway, solid match here with Dragon fighting back from every kind of offense Callahan could throw at him. The splash at the end was awesome too and the right way to end a match like this.
Post match Dragon is posing, only to be blasted in the back by a chair. Drake puts him in a camel clutch and rips at the mask again, but just as he's about to get it off the lights go out. Violin music is heard which I'm guessing is Burna's theme song. As the lights come back up, we see no Dragon but just a mask.
Celeste is upset and doesn't want encouragement from Sandy.
Tag Titles: Action Saxton/Saboteur vs. Bearded Gentlemen
Saxton and Saboteur (I'll be calling him Saba for short here) are the good guys it seems and this appears to be a tournament final. If it's a Lethal Lottery final as it's called, these would be random teams, but Saxton and Saba appear to be former tag champions. Saba is a masked dude. The Gentlemen are The Beard and Le Gentleman Masque, who is also masked and will be called Mask for short here.
It's a big brawl to start after accusations of mama jokes! Beard and Saxton wind up on the floor with the other two brawling in the corner. Beard tries a quick suplex to take down Saxton but Action slips off the back. That's fine with the Bearded one who picks up Saxton and drops him face first onto the apron. Back inside, Mask pounds away and hits a quick kick to Saba's head. Mask isn't done yet and gets a charge, hitting a suicide dive onto Saxton. Saba tries a suicide dive of his own at Beard but is easily caught and sent onto the apron.
Back inside we go with the Gentlemen in full control. As they come back in, Saba busts out a hurricanrana to send Mask flying to the floor. Saba goes with him though and has to duck a charging Beard, which sends the facial hair enthusiast into the post. Saxton tries to dive on both opponents, only to be caught in the air by Beard. That doesn't go well for the Gentlemen either as Saba hits a HUGE dive to take out everyone in sight.
We head back in again as Saxton and Saba turn to double teaming to try to slow down Beard for a bit. A dropkick to the shoulder keeps Beard in trouble and Saba gets two off a rolling cradle. Saxton is tagged in (yeah this is a TAG match remember) and immediately puts Saba on his shoulders. He spins his partner around so that Saba can kick Beard in the head in a nice double team sequence. Mask pops back in though and blasts Saba in the head with a Low-Kiesque kick. Beard is back up and it's Saxton getting double teamed and covered by Beard, only to have Saba make the save.
Mask charges into a jumping DDT from Saba but has to duck a discus shot from Beard. A rollup does no good on the big man who easily shrugs Saba out to the floor. Beard grabs Saxton for a suplex and holds him up so long that the fans actually count, reaching thirty before the suplex goes down. That only gets two though, because it's a suplex you see. Off to Mask for a quick DDT (the tenth one tonight) before it's back to Beard for a middle rope elbow drop for two. Saxton tries to fight off the monster but the shots he's getting in have little to no effect.
Saxton finally gets behind Beard and LUNGES for a tag to bring in Saba. Saba pounds away with everything he's got but can't hook a tornado DDT (why not? It's like a free gift tonight: everyone gets one), as Beard rams him into the corner instead. Beard puts him in the Tree of Woe before it's off to Mask for the Tommy Dreamer baseball slide. Saba tries to fight back but charges into a knee to the ribs to stop him again. Back to Beard as Saba's ribs become the target. A modified camel clutch holds Saba in place but Saba gets moving again quickly.
He fights up and somehow shoves Beard into the ropes where Beard makes a blind tag to Mask. Saba tries an O'Connor Roll but can't get a count on the illegal man. Mask hits a hard kick to the chest and Saba is in big trouble. After a quick clothesline from Mask, Saba snaps off a suplex and both guys are down. They crawl for their partners but it's Mask getting the tag to Beard first. The big man comes in and cleans house, breaking up the tag attempt.
Everything starts to break down and Saba hits an enziguri to stagger Beard. Hot tag brings in Saxton who immediately snaps off a bridging German suplex for two on Beard. A Buzzsaw kick puts Beard down for two more but here's Mask again to fire off kicks of his own to slow down Saxton but here's Saba to hit a quick neckbreaker on Mask. Saba jumps on Saxton's back for some double team move but Beard is back up and suplexes BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE. This guy is awesome.
The suplex gets two on Saxton but he escapes something from Beard to bring Saba back in. He chops both opponents as fast as he can but a tornado DDT is blocked by an atomic drop from Mask. A big boot by Beard gets two more as the match spirals further out of control. Beard charges into a boot in the corner from Saba but Mask grabs Saba for another German. Saxton will have none of that and kicks Mask's head off and hits a double stomp to the head of Beard.
Mask takes Saxton off his feet but charges into an elbow from Saba to put him right back down. We get the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant off the shoulder splash onto Mask but Saba can't cover. Beard is back up and rams Saxton into the corner. He ducks a charge from Saba and the unbearded team collides. Beard picks up Saxton and hits Poetic Justice (Cross Rhodes) for the pin and the titles.
Rating: C-. This one depends on your taste. If you like wild brawls you'll like this, but if you like more basic tag team stuff you're not going to be the biggest fan. Beard and Mask are a nice power/speed team, although I could go with Mask being less of a Low-Ki/Kaval style guy. Saxton and Saba aren't bad but they felt a bit generic. Still though, not bad, just not my style.
Austin Reynolds puts on a referee's shirt.
Chris K.O. vs. Titus
Titus is your resident hero and this is about revenge due to Chris jumping him multiple times. Chris tries to do it again here by charging the ramp and attacking Titus, only to be caught this time. Titus fires off a right hand and we're ready to go. Chris fires off a knee to Titus' bad ribs to take over before nailing a European uppercut. Titus comes back back with a shot to the face before ramming Chris' face into the apron. Chris spits out a tooth, drawing a groan from the crowd.
Titus wants to head inside but a low blow stops him cold. Chris spits some blood on Titus' chest before shouting that he's the messiah. He stomps away but Titus blocks a kick and turns it into an ankle lock in a nice counter. Chris is in trouble but he can't tap out on the floor, so instead he gets to the apron and pulls Titus ribs first into the apron to break the hold.
Finally they head inside with Chris barely able to walk on the ankle. Titus gets back in while holding his ribs but spears Chris down to take over. Chris is just trying to cover up but gets his thumb into Titus' eye to get himself a breather. Titus staggers backwards but manages to charge at Chris, only to hit a buckle instead of K.O. Chris takes down Titus and pounds away, only for Titus to go for the ankle and regain control of his own. The ankle lock stays on, only to have Chris roll through to escape. Titus pounds away but gets sent to the floor for his efforts.
After a quick count from the referee, Titus gets back in and Chris is getting frustrated. Titus is holding his ribs but as Chris goes for them, Titus fires off a shot to Chris' ribs to give himself control again. Titus fires off more kicks to the ribs but Chris drops to his knees. That doesn't stop Titus though as he kicks Chris in the head this time for good measure. Chris tries to get to his feet but due to the bad ankle, he stumbles over and crashes into the referee, knocking him down in the process.
Back to the ankle lock and Chris taps but there's no referee to call for the bell. Titus checks on the referee like a lunkhead before going back to the ankle. Chris snaps off another low blow to put Titus down but it only gets two thanks to the downed referee. K.O. freaks out and yells at the referee, allowing Titus to grab the ankle yet again. Chris gets to the rope but Titus won't break the hold. The referee makes him break the hold and Chris hits him low AGAIN. A big running clothesline called the Sword is enough to put Titus away for good.
Rating: D+. I wasn't feeling this one. Chris cheating like a madman was a good idea but it didn't really come off like a big grudge match. For one thing I'm still not sure why these two were fighting in the first place. I saw where it said Titus had been jumped a few times and I'm assuming by Chris, but it really isn't that clear. Still though, not bad here but it didn't do much for me. A backstory would have helped a lot.
Titus says this isn't over. I'm sure it's not as we have two whole matches to go.
Sam Smith and Rush are in the back and they run down Matt Tastic while sucking each other off a bit. Smith says he's the best in the company but the world champion pops up and says actually he is. Ok then.
We hear about Matt Tastic vs. Rush, which is the culmination of a series of matches. Tastic hasn't held a title in a very long time and is after some gold and revenge tonight.
Eurasian Title: Rush vs. Matt Tastic
Rush is defending. They lock up to start with the far bigger Rush shoving Matt down with ease. He does it again to show off before telling Tastic to come get him. An attempt at a third push results in Tastic tripping Rush up to take him down. A spinning backfist and a running shoulder gets two on Rush as Tastic is starting to speed things up. Rush immediately comes back and drives Matt into the corner with some shoulders of his own. Tastic avoids a splash in the corner but gets his head booted off for two.
Rush picks him right back up and drops him with three straight slams for two. A running seated senton misses though and Matt has an opening. Tastic hits a few clotheslines to stagger the big man but he can't hook the attempted Crossface. Instead Rush uses pure power to lift Tastic over the top and put him down onto the apron. Matt comes back with a fast guillotine before popping up to the top rope for a Macho Elbow for two more.
Tastic fires off kicks to the leg before trying for a fast pin with a sunset flip. Rush uses his natural shall we say gifts and drops down onto Matt on the mat but doesn't cover. Instead he pulls Tastic up and hits about ten forearms to the chest ala Sheamus minus the apron part. Off to a bearhug to fill a requirement in a big man vs. little man match. Tastic is in big trouble and the referee checks the arm. After two drops, Matt starts firing off right hands to break the hold ala Hogan vs. Andre.
Rush tries to charge at Matt but gets caught in a low elevation Samoan Drop to put both guys down. Tastic is up first and very slowly goes up top. A top rope rana looks to drop Rush but the big man blocks it with raw (or Smackdown if that's your thing) power. He picks Matt up and cracks him with a two handed chokeslam for a VERY close two count. A fist drop gets another two so the big man goes to the top. Matt is too fast though and manages to crotch the big man.
Tastic pulls the big man down and loads up Headache driver (tombstone from over the shoulder instead of the regular position. In other words, a tombstone) which crushes Rush's neck. Somehow Rush gets a shoulder up at two and Matt is STUNNED. He yells at everyone he can find before going down to the timekeeper's table and getting the Eurasian title.
Matt goes back inside and....holds it up. Rush uses the distraction to remember what planet he's on and splash both guys in the corner. There's torture rack to Tastic but he punches his way out of it and hits a reverse DDT to take Rush down. Instead of covering though he picks up the belt and rushes at Rush, only to be caught with a low blow. A running powerbomb is enough for Rush to retain the title.
Rating: B-. I was getting into this one and it was one of the better matches of the night. The idea of Tastic going deeper into his old bag of tricks to try to get back at his rival while also wanting his first title was a good move. I was digging this match and it was one of the better ones of the show.
In the back, Titus jumps Chris K.O. and puts him in the ankle lock again until security pulls him off.
WZCW World Title: David Cougar vs. Constantine
Cougar is defending in a sixty minute Iron Man match here and Austin Reynolds, who apparently has history with both guys, is guest referee. Constantine is a King and apparently is cashing in a title shot that he won in some competition here. There's the bell and the clock starts counting down. They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Constantine jacks his jaw to start things off.
They slug it out with Constantine holding a brief advantage until the champion comes back with harder right hands followed by some chops in the corner. Constantine fires back with a heabutt but it hits Dave so hard that Constantine falls down to the floor to clear his head a bit. Cougar heads out to keep things going, only to be rammed face first into the announce table. Constantine sends him into the table again before pulling the top off of the table itself. Reynolds counts loudly and the distraction is enough for Cougar to hit a fast dropkick to stagger the King.
Constantine staggers away but turns back to spit at the champion. That earns him a BIG spear through the barricade but both guys are too hurt to do anything. Reynolds is at 8 and a few seconds later it's a double countout to keep things tied up at 54:10 to go. They try to get back in but Constantine is the first up. He kicks Cougar away as the count resumes but it's too early to worry about it yet.
Showtime (Cougar's nickname) charges at Constantine, only to get caught in a BIG side slam to put him down again. A knee to Cougar's head hits and Reynolds is at 8 already. Instead of going back in though, the King stomps away long enough for a second countout to make it 2-2 with about 53 minutes to go.
Constantine rams the champion into a wall and does it again for good measure, but Showtime fights back with shots to the ribs and an enziguri. A belly to back suples puts both guys down and there's the THIRD COUNTOUT IN A ROW to make the score 3-3. They stagger to their feet but the King sweeps the legs from underneath Cougar to take him down again. The King starts heading back to the ring but ducks behind a wall for no apparent reason. This takes another ten seconds and it's ANOTHER countout to make it 4-4.
The champion follows him around the corner but we hear a loud CLANG and Cougar is suddenly on the ground. He gets pulled behind the wall and faster than you can say ZUUL, the sounds of a beating can be heard. The cameraman goes around the corner to see the Empire aiding their king in a 3-1 beatdown. Reynolds sees it on the screen and calls for a DQ, making it 5-4 Constantine. Reynolds runs to the back and helps get the Empire off the champion. Cooper gets taken out by the referee and it's time to head back to the ring.
With 41:32 to go, both guys are almost into the ring again. Back in and a fallaway slam by the King is enough to tie us up at 5-5. Apparently Constantine didn't realize that he was disqualified and is confused by the tie. Instead of panicking though he covers, only getting two this time though. The champion grabs a triangle choke out of nowhere but the King backs out of it fast enough to keep it from going on in full. Instead Cougar tries a small package for a pin out of nowhere to get the lead back at 6-5.
We're at halftime with 30:00 to go now. Back up again and Constantine hits a big old clothesline out of nowhere to take over again. A quick kick to the ribs and a suplex gets two two counts. Constantine mounts the champ and pounds away hard enough to bust Cougar open but Reynolds pulls the challenger off. Cougar crawls to the apron but Constantine tries to suplex him back in. The champion is too big through and the King hurts his back in the process.
Back in and the Cougar hits the Showstopper (modified Cross Rhodes) for a VERY close two. The champion isn't sure what to do now but he takes too long, walking into a spinebuster to put both guys down. Constantine is up first and slides to the floor where he grabs the title belt. Back in and Reynolds grabs the belt, starting a tug-of-war. The King wins the war and the belt goes flying into Reynolds' face, knocking him out cold.
Showtime wakes up and sees Austin out cold and Constantine holding the belt. The King throws the belt to the floor and picks up the champion for a big twisting spinebuster as a second referee comes down to count the pin, tying it up at 6-6 with 10:00 to go. The challenger picks up the champion but can't hit an Angle Slam. Showtime sends him into the corner and loads up the Final Act (C4 off the top) to lay out both guys.
After the referee counts both guys down to nine, the champion puts an arm over Constantine for a VERY close two. We're at three minutes left and both guys can barely stand. Showtime goes for Constantine's legs with two minutes left and puts on a Texas Cloverleaf, making Constantine look at the clock as the hold is on. Constantine taps away the tie at 1:25, making it 7-6 in favor of the champion. The time runs out and Constantine retains the title.
Rating: D. As mean as it sounds, that's being rather generous. This was a big mess with the clock being all over the place and nowhere near enough action to warrant an hour time limit. It felt like a twenty minute match or so that was stretched out to three times that long. There were some moments of drama such as Austin being knocked out but then that went absolutely nowhere. Reynolds more or less did nothing here other than taking out the Empire and then was just another referee. There really was no reason for him to be involved in the match at all that I could see.
The other major issue here was the score. Much like Reynolds, the opening twenty minutes or so served no purpose other than to set up the injuries to both guys, neither of which really did anything at all for the end of the match. Also it cranks up the score which even though most of the falls meant nothing, makes the guys in the match look kind of weak if they're losing a fall every ten minutes or so on average. This match didn't work for me and I didn't care for it at all for the most part.
The champions nearly collapses to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. The problem with having a single match take up nearly a third of the show is that if it's bad, the whole show takes a big hit. This show was decent, but the main event drags it down a lot. One of the main problems is I had almost no idea why most of these people were fighting. Some recaps, even by the announcers during the entrances, would have done a world of good for this match.
For instance, why is Constantine getting the show? Who did he beat? Something was mentioned about him cashing in something but I have no idea what he won or what he's cashing in. The show was confusing at a lot of parts and that makes a show hard to get into, especially for a first time reader.
At the end of the day, I shouldn't have to read seven or eight articles to know who and what I'm watching. To be clear: I'm not saying you should recap every single detail, but just saying something like “Constantine won a six man ladder match for a title shot anytime he wants and is cashing in tonight” would have done a world of good. Throw some stuff like that in there. It might clear up a few things, even for some of the people that read your shows regularly. I watch Raw and Smackdown every week and a brief recap helps me out a lot of the time.
Now on to what was good, which certainly does exist. I liked the Mayhem Title match and the Beard is an interesting guy. Stormrage was a fun character and the cult deal is a tried and true winner. Again though, the guys need to use moves appropriate for their size and character (as in Vega shouldn't use Shell Shock and a menacing heel shouldn't wrestle like Jeff Hardy). There are a good deal of interesting and fun characters here as well as some solid heels, but a bit more detail would do a lot of good.
Overall this felt like a big indy show, which is about what it's shooting for I think. There were some goofy characters and some serious ones and clearly some thought out storylines. The show would probably be far more entertaining if I knew what was going on, but the vast appeal of an e-fed is to have the people involved in their characters (it's a big reason why OCW worked). That being said, it's probably hard for someone like me who knew nothing more than a few names coming in to get hooked immediately. It wasn't the worst show I've ever read but there were some good sized holes in it.
Dragon looks like your usual Japanese luchador likely being played by a Canadian. Callahan appears to be a heel. They start fast with Dragon grabbing a headlock, only to be shoved into the ropes where he comes back with a standing Lionsault. Drake tries to block it but Dragon counters into an armdrag to send him across the ring. A monkey flip sends Callahan flying and a cross body sends both guys out to the floor.
Dragon runs back in and tries a dive, only to be caught in a slam onto the concrete. The masked one tastes the steps (actually the part of his mask in front of his mouth but you get the idea) and we head back inside for a middle rope elbow for two for Drake. That gets two and Dragon snaps off a dropkick to get himself a breather. A hurricanrana is countered by Callahan into an electric chair drop to stop the momentum again. Callahan hits a gorgeous tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two and it's time to go for the mask.
Apparently Drake thinks that Califa is Ty Burna who is on hiatus at the moment. An abdominal stretch gives him another chance to pick at it, only to leg go of the hold and hit another backbreaker. Drake shoves the shoulders down for two but Califa gets his shoulder up anyway. Callahan tries again, only to get two more. They fight to their feet and it's time for a test of strength. A monkey flip sends Dragon onto the ropes but he bounces off into a tornado DDT. Drake is dazed so Dragon hits a Liger Kick to send Callahan to the floor.
Califa loads up a springboard something but stops on the apron when Drake slides in. The unmasked one hits a quick dropkick to send Dragon out to the floor. Back inside and it's off to an armbar so that Drake can go after the mask even more. Drake lets go of the hold and tries the Bitter End (Aries' Last Chancery) but Dragon fights out. Callahan goes back to the backbreaker, only to be countered into a headscissors for a VERY close two.
A splash by Dragon hits knees and Callahan snaps up, hitting a brainbuster for an even closer two as Dragon gets his foot on the ropes. Callahan is ticked off and charges into some modified Snake Eyes, allowing Dragon to load up another Liger Kick. Drake jumps over the kick though and Dragon rolls forward, only to jump to the ropes. His legs are taken out from under him though and Dragon gets crotched. They fight on the top rope but the masked man shoves him down with a crash. He busts out a freaking PHOENIX SPLASH for the academic pin.
Rating: B. This sounded rather familiar to me but it's rather Mysterio(us) where I've seen these Warrior(s) before and it's going to cause Havoc with my mind until Halloween. Anyway, solid match here with Dragon fighting back from every kind of offense Callahan could throw at him. The splash at the end was awesome too and the right way to end a match like this.
Post match Dragon is posing, only to be blasted in the back by a chair. Drake puts him in a camel clutch and rips at the mask again, but just as he's about to get it off the lights go out. Violin music is heard which I'm guessing is Burna's theme song. As the lights come back up, we see no Dragon but just a mask.
Celeste is upset and doesn't want encouragement from Sandy.
Tag Titles: Action Saxton/Saboteur vs. Bearded Gentlemen
Saxton and Saboteur (I'll be calling him Saba for short here) are the good guys it seems and this appears to be a tournament final. If it's a Lethal Lottery final as it's called, these would be random teams, but Saxton and Saba appear to be former tag champions. Saba is a masked dude. The Gentlemen are The Beard and Le Gentleman Masque, who is also masked and will be called Mask for short here.
It's a big brawl to start after accusations of mama jokes! Beard and Saxton wind up on the floor with the other two brawling in the corner. Beard tries a quick suplex to take down Saxton but Action slips off the back. That's fine with the Bearded one who picks up Saxton and drops him face first onto the apron. Back inside, Mask pounds away and hits a quick kick to Saba's head. Mask isn't done yet and gets a charge, hitting a suicide dive onto Saxton. Saba tries a suicide dive of his own at Beard but is easily caught and sent onto the apron.
Back inside we go with the Gentlemen in full control. As they come back in, Saba busts out a hurricanrana to send Mask flying to the floor. Saba goes with him though and has to duck a charging Beard, which sends the facial hair enthusiast into the post. Saxton tries to dive on both opponents, only to be caught in the air by Beard. That doesn't go well for the Gentlemen either as Saba hits a HUGE dive to take out everyone in sight.
We head back in again as Saxton and Saba turn to double teaming to try to slow down Beard for a bit. A dropkick to the shoulder keeps Beard in trouble and Saba gets two off a rolling cradle. Saxton is tagged in (yeah this is a TAG match remember) and immediately puts Saba on his shoulders. He spins his partner around so that Saba can kick Beard in the head in a nice double team sequence. Mask pops back in though and blasts Saba in the head with a Low-Kiesque kick. Beard is back up and it's Saxton getting double teamed and covered by Beard, only to have Saba make the save.
Mask charges into a jumping DDT from Saba but has to duck a discus shot from Beard. A rollup does no good on the big man who easily shrugs Saba out to the floor. Beard grabs Saxton for a suplex and holds him up so long that the fans actually count, reaching thirty before the suplex goes down. That only gets two though, because it's a suplex you see. Off to Mask for a quick DDT (the tenth one tonight) before it's back to Beard for a middle rope elbow drop for two. Saxton tries to fight off the monster but the shots he's getting in have little to no effect.
Saxton finally gets behind Beard and LUNGES for a tag to bring in Saba. Saba pounds away with everything he's got but can't hook a tornado DDT (why not? It's like a free gift tonight: everyone gets one), as Beard rams him into the corner instead. Beard puts him in the Tree of Woe before it's off to Mask for the Tommy Dreamer baseball slide. Saba tries to fight back but charges into a knee to the ribs to stop him again. Back to Beard as Saba's ribs become the target. A modified camel clutch holds Saba in place but Saba gets moving again quickly.
He fights up and somehow shoves Beard into the ropes where Beard makes a blind tag to Mask. Saba tries an O'Connor Roll but can't get a count on the illegal man. Mask hits a hard kick to the chest and Saba is in big trouble. After a quick clothesline from Mask, Saba snaps off a suplex and both guys are down. They crawl for their partners but it's Mask getting the tag to Beard first. The big man comes in and cleans house, breaking up the tag attempt.
Everything starts to break down and Saba hits an enziguri to stagger Beard. Hot tag brings in Saxton who immediately snaps off a bridging German suplex for two on Beard. A Buzzsaw kick puts Beard down for two more but here's Mask again to fire off kicks of his own to slow down Saxton but here's Saba to hit a quick neckbreaker on Mask. Saba jumps on Saxton's back for some double team move but Beard is back up and suplexes BOTH OF THEM AT ONCE. This guy is awesome.
The suplex gets two on Saxton but he escapes something from Beard to bring Saba back in. He chops both opponents as fast as he can but a tornado DDT is blocked by an atomic drop from Mask. A big boot by Beard gets two more as the match spirals further out of control. Beard charges into a boot in the corner from Saba but Mask grabs Saba for another German. Saxton will have none of that and kicks Mask's head off and hits a double stomp to the head of Beard.
Mask takes Saxton off his feet but charges into an elbow from Saba to put him right back down. We get the Jimmy Snuka/Andre the Giant off the shoulder splash onto Mask but Saba can't cover. Beard is back up and rams Saxton into the corner. He ducks a charge from Saba and the unbearded team collides. Beard picks up Saxton and hits Poetic Justice (Cross Rhodes) for the pin and the titles.
Rating: C-. This one depends on your taste. If you like wild brawls you'll like this, but if you like more basic tag team stuff you're not going to be the biggest fan. Beard and Mask are a nice power/speed team, although I could go with Mask being less of a Low-Ki/Kaval style guy. Saxton and Saba aren't bad but they felt a bit generic. Still though, not bad, just not my style.
Austin Reynolds puts on a referee's shirt.
Chris K.O. vs. Titus
Titus is your resident hero and this is about revenge due to Chris jumping him multiple times. Chris tries to do it again here by charging the ramp and attacking Titus, only to be caught this time. Titus fires off a right hand and we're ready to go. Chris fires off a knee to Titus' bad ribs to take over before nailing a European uppercut. Titus comes back back with a shot to the face before ramming Chris' face into the apron. Chris spits out a tooth, drawing a groan from the crowd.
Titus wants to head inside but a low blow stops him cold. Chris spits some blood on Titus' chest before shouting that he's the messiah. He stomps away but Titus blocks a kick and turns it into an ankle lock in a nice counter. Chris is in trouble but he can't tap out on the floor, so instead he gets to the apron and pulls Titus ribs first into the apron to break the hold.
Finally they head inside with Chris barely able to walk on the ankle. Titus gets back in while holding his ribs but spears Chris down to take over. Chris is just trying to cover up but gets his thumb into Titus' eye to get himself a breather. Titus staggers backwards but manages to charge at Chris, only to hit a buckle instead of K.O. Chris takes down Titus and pounds away, only for Titus to go for the ankle and regain control of his own. The ankle lock stays on, only to have Chris roll through to escape. Titus pounds away but gets sent to the floor for his efforts.
After a quick count from the referee, Titus gets back in and Chris is getting frustrated. Titus is holding his ribs but as Chris goes for them, Titus fires off a shot to Chris' ribs to give himself control again. Titus fires off more kicks to the ribs but Chris drops to his knees. That doesn't stop Titus though as he kicks Chris in the head this time for good measure. Chris tries to get to his feet but due to the bad ankle, he stumbles over and crashes into the referee, knocking him down in the process.
Back to the ankle lock and Chris taps but there's no referee to call for the bell. Titus checks on the referee like a lunkhead before going back to the ankle. Chris snaps off another low blow to put Titus down but it only gets two thanks to the downed referee. K.O. freaks out and yells at the referee, allowing Titus to grab the ankle yet again. Chris gets to the rope but Titus won't break the hold. The referee makes him break the hold and Chris hits him low AGAIN. A big running clothesline called the Sword is enough to put Titus away for good.
Rating: D+. I wasn't feeling this one. Chris cheating like a madman was a good idea but it didn't really come off like a big grudge match. For one thing I'm still not sure why these two were fighting in the first place. I saw where it said Titus had been jumped a few times and I'm assuming by Chris, but it really isn't that clear. Still though, not bad here but it didn't do much for me. A backstory would have helped a lot.
Titus says this isn't over. I'm sure it's not as we have two whole matches to go.
Sam Smith and Rush are in the back and they run down Matt Tastic while sucking each other off a bit. Smith says he's the best in the company but the world champion pops up and says actually he is. Ok then.
We hear about Matt Tastic vs. Rush, which is the culmination of a series of matches. Tastic hasn't held a title in a very long time and is after some gold and revenge tonight.
Eurasian Title: Rush vs. Matt Tastic
Rush is defending. They lock up to start with the far bigger Rush shoving Matt down with ease. He does it again to show off before telling Tastic to come get him. An attempt at a third push results in Tastic tripping Rush up to take him down. A spinning backfist and a running shoulder gets two on Rush as Tastic is starting to speed things up. Rush immediately comes back and drives Matt into the corner with some shoulders of his own. Tastic avoids a splash in the corner but gets his head booted off for two.
Rush picks him right back up and drops him with three straight slams for two. A running seated senton misses though and Matt has an opening. Tastic hits a few clotheslines to stagger the big man but he can't hook the attempted Crossface. Instead Rush uses pure power to lift Tastic over the top and put him down onto the apron. Matt comes back with a fast guillotine before popping up to the top rope for a Macho Elbow for two more.
Tastic fires off kicks to the leg before trying for a fast pin with a sunset flip. Rush uses his natural shall we say gifts and drops down onto Matt on the mat but doesn't cover. Instead he pulls Tastic up and hits about ten forearms to the chest ala Sheamus minus the apron part. Off to a bearhug to fill a requirement in a big man vs. little man match. Tastic is in big trouble and the referee checks the arm. After two drops, Matt starts firing off right hands to break the hold ala Hogan vs. Andre.
Rush tries to charge at Matt but gets caught in a low elevation Samoan Drop to put both guys down. Tastic is up first and very slowly goes up top. A top rope rana looks to drop Rush but the big man blocks it with raw (or Smackdown if that's your thing) power. He picks Matt up and cracks him with a two handed chokeslam for a VERY close two count. A fist drop gets another two so the big man goes to the top. Matt is too fast though and manages to crotch the big man.
Tastic pulls the big man down and loads up Headache driver (tombstone from over the shoulder instead of the regular position. In other words, a tombstone) which crushes Rush's neck. Somehow Rush gets a shoulder up at two and Matt is STUNNED. He yells at everyone he can find before going down to the timekeeper's table and getting the Eurasian title.
Matt goes back inside and....holds it up. Rush uses the distraction to remember what planet he's on and splash both guys in the corner. There's torture rack to Tastic but he punches his way out of it and hits a reverse DDT to take Rush down. Instead of covering though he picks up the belt and rushes at Rush, only to be caught with a low blow. A running powerbomb is enough for Rush to retain the title.
Rating: B-. I was getting into this one and it was one of the better matches of the night. The idea of Tastic going deeper into his old bag of tricks to try to get back at his rival while also wanting his first title was a good move. I was digging this match and it was one of the better ones of the show.
In the back, Titus jumps Chris K.O. and puts him in the ankle lock again until security pulls him off.
WZCW World Title: David Cougar vs. Constantine
Cougar is defending in a sixty minute Iron Man match here and Austin Reynolds, who apparently has history with both guys, is guest referee. Constantine is a King and apparently is cashing in a title shot that he won in some competition here. There's the bell and the clock starts counting down. They stare each other down in the middle of the ring and Constantine jacks his jaw to start things off.
They slug it out with Constantine holding a brief advantage until the champion comes back with harder right hands followed by some chops in the corner. Constantine fires back with a heabutt but it hits Dave so hard that Constantine falls down to the floor to clear his head a bit. Cougar heads out to keep things going, only to be rammed face first into the announce table. Constantine sends him into the table again before pulling the top off of the table itself. Reynolds counts loudly and the distraction is enough for Cougar to hit a fast dropkick to stagger the King.
Constantine staggers away but turns back to spit at the champion. That earns him a BIG spear through the barricade but both guys are too hurt to do anything. Reynolds is at 8 and a few seconds later it's a double countout to keep things tied up at 54:10 to go. They try to get back in but Constantine is the first up. He kicks Cougar away as the count resumes but it's too early to worry about it yet.
Showtime (Cougar's nickname) charges at Constantine, only to get caught in a BIG side slam to put him down again. A knee to Cougar's head hits and Reynolds is at 8 already. Instead of going back in though, the King stomps away long enough for a second countout to make it 2-2 with about 53 minutes to go.
Constantine rams the champion into a wall and does it again for good measure, but Showtime fights back with shots to the ribs and an enziguri. A belly to back suples puts both guys down and there's the THIRD COUNTOUT IN A ROW to make the score 3-3. They stagger to their feet but the King sweeps the legs from underneath Cougar to take him down again. The King starts heading back to the ring but ducks behind a wall for no apparent reason. This takes another ten seconds and it's ANOTHER countout to make it 4-4.
The champion follows him around the corner but we hear a loud CLANG and Cougar is suddenly on the ground. He gets pulled behind the wall and faster than you can say ZUUL, the sounds of a beating can be heard. The cameraman goes around the corner to see the Empire aiding their king in a 3-1 beatdown. Reynolds sees it on the screen and calls for a DQ, making it 5-4 Constantine. Reynolds runs to the back and helps get the Empire off the champion. Cooper gets taken out by the referee and it's time to head back to the ring.
With 41:32 to go, both guys are almost into the ring again. Back in and a fallaway slam by the King is enough to tie us up at 5-5. Apparently Constantine didn't realize that he was disqualified and is confused by the tie. Instead of panicking though he covers, only getting two this time though. The champion grabs a triangle choke out of nowhere but the King backs out of it fast enough to keep it from going on in full. Instead Cougar tries a small package for a pin out of nowhere to get the lead back at 6-5.
We're at halftime with 30:00 to go now. Back up again and Constantine hits a big old clothesline out of nowhere to take over again. A quick kick to the ribs and a suplex gets two two counts. Constantine mounts the champ and pounds away hard enough to bust Cougar open but Reynolds pulls the challenger off. Cougar crawls to the apron but Constantine tries to suplex him back in. The champion is too big through and the King hurts his back in the process.
Back in and the Cougar hits the Showstopper (modified Cross Rhodes) for a VERY close two. The champion isn't sure what to do now but he takes too long, walking into a spinebuster to put both guys down. Constantine is up first and slides to the floor where he grabs the title belt. Back in and Reynolds grabs the belt, starting a tug-of-war. The King wins the war and the belt goes flying into Reynolds' face, knocking him out cold.
Showtime wakes up and sees Austin out cold and Constantine holding the belt. The King throws the belt to the floor and picks up the champion for a big twisting spinebuster as a second referee comes down to count the pin, tying it up at 6-6 with 10:00 to go. The challenger picks up the champion but can't hit an Angle Slam. Showtime sends him into the corner and loads up the Final Act (C4 off the top) to lay out both guys.
After the referee counts both guys down to nine, the champion puts an arm over Constantine for a VERY close two. We're at three minutes left and both guys can barely stand. Showtime goes for Constantine's legs with two minutes left and puts on a Texas Cloverleaf, making Constantine look at the clock as the hold is on. Constantine taps away the tie at 1:25, making it 7-6 in favor of the champion. The time runs out and Constantine retains the title.
Rating: D. As mean as it sounds, that's being rather generous. This was a big mess with the clock being all over the place and nowhere near enough action to warrant an hour time limit. It felt like a twenty minute match or so that was stretched out to three times that long. There were some moments of drama such as Austin being knocked out but then that went absolutely nowhere. Reynolds more or less did nothing here other than taking out the Empire and then was just another referee. There really was no reason for him to be involved in the match at all that I could see.
The other major issue here was the score. Much like Reynolds, the opening twenty minutes or so served no purpose other than to set up the injuries to both guys, neither of which really did anything at all for the end of the match. Also it cranks up the score which even though most of the falls meant nothing, makes the guys in the match look kind of weak if they're losing a fall every ten minutes or so on average. This match didn't work for me and I didn't care for it at all for the most part.
The champions nearly collapses to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. The problem with having a single match take up nearly a third of the show is that if it's bad, the whole show takes a big hit. This show was decent, but the main event drags it down a lot. One of the main problems is I had almost no idea why most of these people were fighting. Some recaps, even by the announcers during the entrances, would have done a world of good for this match.
For instance, why is Constantine getting the show? Who did he beat? Something was mentioned about him cashing in something but I have no idea what he won or what he's cashing in. The show was confusing at a lot of parts and that makes a show hard to get into, especially for a first time reader.
At the end of the day, I shouldn't have to read seven or eight articles to know who and what I'm watching. To be clear: I'm not saying you should recap every single detail, but just saying something like “Constantine won a six man ladder match for a title shot anytime he wants and is cashing in tonight” would have done a world of good. Throw some stuff like that in there. It might clear up a few things, even for some of the people that read your shows regularly. I watch Raw and Smackdown every week and a brief recap helps me out a lot of the time.
Now on to what was good, which certainly does exist. I liked the Mayhem Title match and the Beard is an interesting guy. Stormrage was a fun character and the cult deal is a tried and true winner. Again though, the guys need to use moves appropriate for their size and character (as in Vega shouldn't use Shell Shock and a menacing heel shouldn't wrestle like Jeff Hardy). There are a good deal of interesting and fun characters here as well as some solid heels, but a bit more detail would do a lot of good.
Overall this felt like a big indy show, which is about what it's shooting for I think. There were some goofy characters and some serious ones and clearly some thought out storylines. The show would probably be far more entertaining if I knew what was going on, but the vast appeal of an e-fed is to have the people involved in their characters (it's a big reason why OCW worked). That being said, it's probably hard for someone like me who knew nothing more than a few names coming in to get hooked immediately. It wasn't the worst show I've ever read but there were some good sized holes in it.
FlexAmerican Dynamite
WZCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
http://forums.wrestlezone.com/showthread.php?t=249591
Skipping to the predictions part of this probably would have given you a bit of backstory for some matches. That or reading the roleplays themselves if you feel like it or have the time . I feel it's a bit unfair to judge the show on recaps when usually nobody who has never been involved with the Fed before does detailed reviews, but I guess creative could cater to people who are outsiders looking to understand what's going on.
Skipping to the predictions part of this probably would have given you a bit of backstory for some matches. That or reading the roleplays themselves if you feel like it or have the time . I feel it's a bit unfair to judge the show on recaps when usually nobody who has never been involved with the Fed before does detailed reviews, but I guess creative could cater to people who are outsiders looking to understand what's going on.
Yeah, there's definitely a disconnect between Celeste's character and how she's portrayed in the ring. For example, one of Ech's RPs revealed she doesn't feel pain. The finish of her next match saw her tapping out. It's not just her, but that's just one that I remember vividly.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
First I've heard of these. Putting this link in the PPV wouldn't be a bad idea.
I don't remember the actual match you're talking about, but it is still feasible for her to tap out if the maneuver was in danger of breaking a limb or something.
Ty Burna
Getting Noticed By Management
More importantly El Califa won MOTN.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
That's why I try to avoid Celeste tapping out and putting her into submissions when I write her matches. When Smith had her in the submission during the Elite X match, I made damn sure that there was no "Celeste is crying out in pain." Instead, I emphasised on the Smith is torquing the leg and Celeste tries to escape part.
Every character has their restrictions though and we do have a tendency to forget. I've written some abysmal matches where I've completely disregarded storyline and had someone who was injured wrestle impeccably.
Every character has their restrictions though and we do have a tendency to forget. I've written some abysmal matches where I've completely disregarded storyline and had someone who was injured wrestle impeccably.
Viola Moonlight
I'm Literally Just Here for WZCW
Oh... and much appreciated for the feedback KB. Definitely be taking a couple of things on-board.
AS55, vs Holmes. I remember because Ech mentioned Naloxone, the opiate blocker, which is a fairly interesting drug. I also gave him some stick about it, I think. As for the finish, it seems that is how it was played. I must have glossed over that at the time and just focused on "the one who doesn't feel pain just tapped out? Well that's just stupid."
The match
The RP
Coincidentally, you wrote that match FalK.
Man, that was incredibly interesting and raised some very, very good points that I myself often bring up.
There is a definite disconnect between peoples' characters and the way they are written and indeed the moves they use. Some of that is the creators' problem, and some of that is Creative. This is why I make such a big deal about something like themes - everything about your character needs to make sense in the context of the character or it can be completely jarring.
I'll use the tag match, as well as Saxton & Saboteur, as an example. I really don't understand why all of Saxton and Saboteur's tag matches seem to become brawls. I get that you guys are trying to show that Saxoteur are crazy and fun and whatever, but they ARE good guys, and sometimes it would be nice to have a simple tag team match, especially since it's between two teams that have shown nothing but respect towards each other during the whole feud.
I don't really understand the "kind of generic" comment when the two teams have the exact same dynamic, but again that could be with how Creative writes them. Maybe Beard and Saxton could have started with a humorous pose-off, or Gent could have held his hand out for a handshake, only for the other man look like he's going to reject it but taking it anyway.
Again, I think part of it is Creative writing matches rather than writing characters having matches. Now, writing matches is a pain in the ass, take it from me, but something other than "momma joke and wild brawl" would be nice when Saxton and Saboteur team up, unless of course it's against a team they don't like.
I also agree with the recapping point. That's something I try to always do when I'm on commentary for another fed. Remember that this could be someone's very first show - much like All or Nothing 2009 was for me. This could be the make-or-break for someone new, so you want to explain what you can without getting too explainy and alienating the older fans. It's a tough balance but it's definitely something you want to keep in mind.
All in all this was a really fascinating read, and it's definitely something different from how shows are usually read and reviewed. I'd love to see you do this with one of my (WWE13, so no reading!) eFed's PPVs some time, or at the very least maybe do another WZCW review in the future.
There is a definite disconnect between peoples' characters and the way they are written and indeed the moves they use. Some of that is the creators' problem, and some of that is Creative. This is why I make such a big deal about something like themes - everything about your character needs to make sense in the context of the character or it can be completely jarring.
I'll use the tag match, as well as Saxton & Saboteur, as an example. I really don't understand why all of Saxton and Saboteur's tag matches seem to become brawls. I get that you guys are trying to show that Saxoteur are crazy and fun and whatever, but they ARE good guys, and sometimes it would be nice to have a simple tag team match, especially since it's between two teams that have shown nothing but respect towards each other during the whole feud.
I don't really understand the "kind of generic" comment when the two teams have the exact same dynamic, but again that could be with how Creative writes them. Maybe Beard and Saxton could have started with a humorous pose-off, or Gent could have held his hand out for a handshake, only for the other man look like he's going to reject it but taking it anyway.
Again, I think part of it is Creative writing matches rather than writing characters having matches. Now, writing matches is a pain in the ass, take it from me, but something other than "momma joke and wild brawl" would be nice when Saxton and Saboteur team up, unless of course it's against a team they don't like.
I also agree with the recapping point. That's something I try to always do when I'm on commentary for another fed. Remember that this could be someone's very first show - much like All or Nothing 2009 was for me. This could be the make-or-break for someone new, so you want to explain what you can without getting too explainy and alienating the older fans. It's a tough balance but it's definitely something you want to keep in mind.
All in all this was a really fascinating read, and it's definitely something different from how shows are usually read and reviewed. I'd love to see you do this with one of my (WWE13, so no reading!) eFed's PPVs some time, or at the very least maybe do another WZCW review in the future.
klunderbunker
Welcome to My (And Not Sly's) House
I didn't really get any feel that Saxton and Saboteur had anything unique about them. They sounded like any two guys you might see on any given indy show. I didn't get the idea that one was crazy or why they were popular. They felt like two average guys who were a team. Maybe reading some of their promos would help but the match made them seem very basic.
WWE13: maybe for your birthday.
E-Fed: not likely. MAYBE Kingdom Come but that's it.
