Worst movie you've ever seen?

[The 1-2-3 Killam]

EDIT: I'M SORRY FOR WRITING A FUCKING NOVEL, I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HOW LONG I'D BEEN GOING FOR.

The 2014 Left Behind movie.

I have to set the stage for this one for you to understand how disappointed I was with this movie. I grew up surrounded by pentacostal, evangelical Christianity. These aren't your typical "no sex, no drugs, no fun" Christians. These are the "if you don't believe in Speaking in Tongues you won't get raptured with the rest of us" type of Christians that make conservatism seem appealing. I grew up being taught that one day Jesus was going to come back and "rapture" his people - aka take all the believers up into the sky in the blink of an eye. In the 90's, the Left Behind book series was so influential to the pentacostal community that it actually changed its dogma; the fictional world of this long-running book series actually seeped into the Christian conversation, and changed what people believed would happen in end-times mythology. The funniest part is that largely, that never went away, and it's now just accepted as a thing.

Basically, what was going to happen is the Christians are gonna vanish. Poof. Gone. Planes are gonna fall out of the sky, buses will crash into the river, cars everywhere with missing drivers - MASS CHAOS everywhere. Looting, murder, rape, all kinds of shit because hey, all the cops are probably white, conservative Christians, and they're all gone. Then comes the anti-Christ, who is literal satan incarnate, followed by all kinds of crazy, demonic, ridiculous Revelation-inspired bullshit.

Yeah it's crazy, but the thing is... Like most of the more ridiculous things that 20th century Christianity has bastardized from the Bible, it would make for some FUCKING AWESOME movies. So I thought, hey... I used to watch Kirk Cameron's terrible Left Behind movies and read those books as a kid. How could this not be worth my time? I get to laugh at Christian insanity, plus it's got fucking Nick Cage in it, so maybe we'll get a crazy performance out of him. Plane crashes, explosions, looting, gang violence; how could this not be a fun, summer action movie that just might be "so bad it's good"? Plus, the guy who directed it was the stunt coordinator for all these major action movies, so it's gotta at least have these big set pieces and be super action-packed, right?

It's not. Left Behind (2014) is just boring. I've never been so mindlessly bored by a plane spinning out of control because its pilot suddenly disappeared before. That is the EASIEST setting in film history to make interesting. I almost fell asleep. Like three times. On the ground, the news is showing all these reports of all the crazy shit you want to see, while the movie just focuses on the god-awful, most sinfully boring human beings in existence, and them walking around for an hour trying to figure out what happened.

It's like playing Fallout, except when you come out of the vault your character is a potato, your only weapon is a King James Bible, and the entire playable world is a whitewashed hallway with pictures of corn and wheat hanging on the walls.

I was so mad because I couldn't figure out how they fucked up so bad. I've never seen a movie disinterest me in a plane scene. Seriously, they play on the real-life anxiety everyone has while flying, to create dire tension in a cramped environment, where the slightest miscalculation or issue could kill everyone. They're a director's wet dream scenario. AND I WAS BORED! I just don't understand how you can make a movie about religion's greatest apocalypse and put your audience to sleep.

 

[Wolf Pac]

Movie 43
Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

Honorable Mentions: Death Proof and Jupiter Ascending.

 

[FromTheSouth]

Pathfinder.

Walk - Stab - Repeat

 

[Jane]

Pathfinder.

Walk - Stab - Repeat

 

[Piss Bucket]

All of the Lord of the Rings/Hobbit movies, THE most overrated plies of shite ever IMHO.

And yes, Terminator Genisys did suck, the last good Terminator movie was the second one and that was over 25 years ago.

 

[X]

Blue Velvet? American Beauty? Leaving Las Vegas? These are all incredible films. I'm sorely disappointed here guys.

 

[enviousdominous]

Blue Velvet? American Beauty? Leaving Las Vegas? These are all incredible films. I'm sorely disappointed here guys.

I'm sorry for disappointing you. Why would you say that Blue Velvet is an incredible film?

 

[772Attitude]

For me it was Dragonball Evolution. I never felt angry after watching a bad movie until I seen that one. It was disgraceful.

 

[Lee]

Anchorman 2.

I'm not a fan of Will Ferrell and my friends decided they wanted to go see Anchorman 2. I didn't find it funny at all. I think I got a chuckle at the end where they all go to war and there's the cameos but that's it. The worst a comedy can be is not funny

But the worst movie you've ever seen?

 

[Alex]

But the worst movie you've ever seen?

I can't really think of any movies that I down right despise. They're either just boring or not really in the intended genre they're portrayed in (or a combination of both)

 

[Fire Marshall Bill]

But the worst movie you've ever seen?

Not for me because I didn't even waste my time to see it. The first one was bad enough. Not putting it on this list bad (it's nowhere close to The Whole Ten Yards in my book), but it was bad.

 

[X]

I'm sorry for disappointing you. Why would you say that Blue Velvet is an incredible film?

You should be, as the third in line to the throne of Siam my power is to be feared and respected.

It's hard to pin point exactly what it is that makes Blue Velvet not only a great film, but my favorite film. Many films have tried to capture that same feeling and have come close (Donne Darko springs to mind) but nothing has ever come close to the atmosphere of that film for me. There's a subtle uneasiness conveyed throughout the film, as if Lynch were lifting up the suburban dream itself and examining it's sordid underbelly. Hopper is one of the most frightening, disturbing villains ever in this film, but it wouldn't be the same without Maclachlan and Rosselini. The unhinged nature of Rosselini's character is almost as disturbing as Hopper's, yet obviously more sympathetic. But more than just the excellent acting and atmosphere, it's the surreal nature of the film. Dean Stockwell's rendition of Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" remains one of the most bizarre yet utterly captivating scenes I've ever seen on film. I know you criticized Laura Dern's acting, but to me she represents exactly what her character is supposed to be: the naive, unrefined girl next door. She's more of a caricature than a character, but that's exactly what she needs to be, to show the dichotomy between the stereotypical image of idyllic suburban life (her and Jeffrey's dates and time together, totally idealized complete with golden age Hollywood romantic music, sunshine, and flowers versus Jeffrey's time with Rosselini's character in the dark and dirt, hiding away in closets, the whole disturbing reality of the double life she lives with Frank).

Really though, it's the direction of Lynch. It's absolutely marvelous. He crafts and creates a modern fairy tale world and it's a universe that is so completely unique that I'm lost in it every single time I watch it, which is reaching the dozens at this point. It's the kind of film that made me truly fall in love with the art film and the medium in general as a teenager, and it changed my life.

I'd recommend giving it another chance if you've only seen it once. It is the crowning achievement of the single most unique and challenging director of the last 30 years.

 

[SHAGAMANIA 3:16]

I can't really think of any movies that I down right despise. They're either just boring or not really in the intended genre they're portrayed in (or a combination of both)

Errrrrrrr as a massive Will Ferrell fan I feel like transforming into a Lion and ripping you to shreds! How can anybody deny the awesomeness that is Ron Burgundy is a crime against humanity!

Anchorman 2 isn't Ferrell's best movie but it is still pretty funny.

I can't remember much of the worst movies I've seen because they are mostly bad because their boring and forgettable, I enjoy exciting B Movies and consider them good films.

 

[Piss Bucket]

The Dead or Alive video game movie.

Crap in a so bad it was good kind of way, shame because I am in love with Holly Valance under normal circumstances.

 

[enviousdominous]

You should be, as the third in line to the throne of Siam my power is to be feared and respected.

Side note: One of the greatest films I've ever seen was made in Thailand. Look up Ruang Talok 69 if you haven't seen it yet, and rest assured that the "69" has nothing to do with what most of us would automatically imagine.

It's hard to pin point exactly what it is that makes Blue Velvet not only a great film, but my favorite film. Many films have tried to capture that same feeling and have come close (Donne Darko springs to mind) but nothing has ever come close to the atmosphere of that film for me.

A guilty pleasure of mine is Erasurehead, and your paragraph explains part of why I enjoyed that film. I found the main character to be very relatable, and the atmosphere of the movie was part of why I related so well.

When it comes to Blue Velvet; it felt like an attempt at a formulaic mystery movie that went way off the rails and settled on Frank Booth's ape-shit mannerisms to carry the film. I didn't love Donnie Darko, but at least that movie managed to stay the course in terms of making all the events of the film relatable to Donnie's experience. I couldn't relate in any way to Jeffrey, the atmosphere of the movie in regard to his role was that he is a doofus who's stupid lucky for being alive.

There's a subtle uneasiness conveyed throughout the film, as if Lynch were lifting up the suburban dream itself and examining it's sordid underbelly. Hopper is one of the most frightening, disturbing villains ever in this film, but it wouldn't be the same without Maclachlan and Rosselini.

I don't remember seeing any kind of subtle jab at the bliss of suburbia, it would have made more sense to me if Sandy had some kind of strife with her Dad as a means of exposing the dark side of the American Dream. The house where the kid was being kept was just a bunch of idiots fucking around.

Frank Booth was a cool villain, for a little while. There's certain lines that I would prefer characters in movies not cross or even go near. Frank

Spoiler

rapes a woman with a pair of scissors and then chooses not to kill Jeffrey for absolutely no reason when by any movie villain's standards Jeffrey was dead to rights.

That to me is being sadistic to the point of being an abomination to humanity, and too stupid to hold down a rightful place as "frightening". Don't want to be raped by Frank Booth? Punch him in the face, he'll just let you be on your way then.

I'm not 100% opposed to having rape occur in a story, just please don't give me Frank Booth initially proving that he's the most sadistic nihilist in the history of film and then being such a pathetic moron that the town's token dipshit Jeffrey was able to take him down.

The unhinged nature of Rosselini's character is almost as disturbing as Hopper's, yet obviously more sympathetic. But more than just the excellent acting and atmosphere, it's the surreal nature of the film. Dean Stockwell's rendition of Roy Orbison's "In Dreams" remains one of the most bizarre yet utterly captivating scenes I've ever seen on film.

We obviously have differing opinions on how one can exemplify "excellent acting". I also get very irritated when that word "surreal" is thrown around to justify some of David Lynch's accidents. From my perspective; Isabella Rosselini is not a good actor, nor is she an enjoyable person to watch perform. I'm pretty sure that she was cast as a masochistic nymphomaniac because that's what turned on her boyfriend David Lynch.

When I think "excellent acting", I imagine Denzel Washington in Training Day or Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight. I don't imagine Dennis Hopper playing himself from ten years prior, Kyle Maclachlan as a dim-witted nerd, Laura Dern as a naïve valley girl and Isabella Rosselini as Leatherface without the mask.

I will admit that I enjoyed Dean Stockwell in this film, as I'm a big fan of his. I probably wouldn't have sat through the whole thing if he wasn't in it. The line "Very well then, to fuck!" as a reaction to Frank Booth demanding that they toast to "fuck" did give me a chuckle. Dean's part in this movie lasted about five minutes though.

I know you criticized Laura Dern's acting, but to me she represents exactly what her character is supposed to be: the naive, unrefined girl next door. She's more of a caricature than a character, but that's exactly what she needs to be, to show the dichotomy between the stereotypical image of idyllic suburban life (her and Jeffrey's dates and time together, totally idealized complete with golden age Hollywood romantic music, sunshine, and flowers versus Jeffrey's time with Rosselini's character in the dark and dirt, hiding away in closets, the whole disturbing reality of the double life she lives with Frank).

Everyone in this movie was a caricature, David Lynch rarely keeps from making his characters so over the top that they're too ridiculous to be taken seriously. I think that if David Lynch did intend to shock his audience with a subtle comparison of the light and dark sides of American life, that was all steam-rolled by how much he made the actors ham their roles up. With no consequence toward the plot; Jeffrey and Dorothy had sex only because Dorothy had become a twisted sex freak and because Jeffrey is the mental equivalent to a fucking artichoke, and as a reaction to her boyfriend's cheating Sandy cries and cries and cries and fucking cries while standing next to nude Dorothy.

Really though, it's the direction of Lynch. It's absolutely marvelous. He crafts and creates a modern fairy tale world and it's a universe that is so completely unique that I'm lost in it every single time I watch it, which is reaching the dozens at this point. It's the kind of film that made me truly fall in love with the art film and the medium in general as a teenager, and it changed my life.

I think that David Lynch has captured lightning in a bottle on a number of occasions. I enjoyed The Elephant Man, though it was horribly inaccurate. As I mentioned before, Erasurehead is a reluctant favorite of mine that I've had to explain on many occasions to my friends. There's even his short films, my favorite of which being "The Grandmother". I also loved "The Alphabet", the animation style was very captivating.

I think that David Lynch got swept up in his own hype as a supposed genius and he cranked out some movies that present the illusion of clever subtlety but were really just him throwing shit at a wall. I hate hate hated Blue Velvet because I had faith in its ability to be another David Lynch movie that would make me think, and then (to me) it ended up being an infomercial for nude Isabella Rossellini.

I'd recommend giving it another chance if you've only seen it once. It is the crowning achievement of the single most unique and challenging director of the last 30 years.

I first watched the movie when I was 27, never again. I'm not faulting you for enjoying the movie, different strokes for different folks.

 

[Piss Bucket]

Suburban Commando starring Hulk Hogan, WTF was that?!