Winter is Coming - The Night is Dark and Full of Spoilers

[ServantofTwilight]

The first season is pretty consistent with the first book of the series so I don't think you will spoil anything substantial by watching Season 1, especially if you have already gotten past the first few chapters of Clash of Kings.

Thank you.

 

[Hulk Hogan's Brother]

I just finished watching the third season. I've read about the books on Wiki but haven't picked them up yet. The first and the third seasons were awesome but I found the second season a bit slow and boring except for the Tyrion Lannister parts. That guy was awesome in season 2.

 

[Uncle Phatso]

Damn.... where did you come from Rattlesnake? I haven't seen you post, fuck, in like a year.

 

[Hulk Hogan's Brother]

Hey Phatso! How've you been?

Me, I just kinda drifted away from the forums as I did from wrestling. Don't watch much wrestling these days. I was just surfing around and I saw these topics on a few TV shows that I am into these days and decided to join in...

 

[Miko]

Seen this floating around about how the series would end, it got a chuckle from me. Massive spoilers for non-book fans though.

Spoiler

Daenaerys discovers that she was just imagining the dragons the whole time and everyone around her was just too polite to say anything. This discovery is made doubly traumatic by the fact she discovers this while trying to fight a khalasar on the back of one of them. The Khal takes pity on the crazy woman and packs her off to the khalasar where even by crone standards she is viewed as a little odd.

It turns out the 'controversy' in the Sansa chapters refers to a passage where she draws a cartoon of the prophet Muhammad and then sets fire to the Quran. Even Littlefinger thinks this is out of order.

Bran is only just starting to get the hang of being a tree when he is felled by a woodcutter. The children of the forest are dismayed by this and want to drown their sorrows, but they can't find any adults of the forest to go in the off license for them. All in all it's a horrible day. Fortunately the wood accrued is used to make lances so in a way Bran gets to live out his dream of being a knight in the tournaments. There is also a joke to be made about how you could refer to the splinters as Bran Flakes. Oh, and the woodcutter was Hodor.

Tyrion doesn't make it to Daenaerys on time. Then he kills the pigs. Then he laughs in Penny’s face. Then he puts a wig and some lipstick on the dog and says 'look Ser Jorah, it's Daenaerys returned and she's forgiven you!' Ser Jorah is taken in by the deception, and the pair live out their days in romantic harmony.

Stannis has a really horrible year, which he refers to as his Stannis Horriblis.

It turns out if you go back four or five generations, basically everybody is a secret Targ, which means that everybody in Westeros is now the heir to the throne. There’s a big fight, and I know what you're thinking' Greatjon wins. That’s the twist though, he doesn't win. Turns out he went on hunger strike in the Frey dungeons and now he's just one foot tall. Now he's the Tinyjon he's not so accomplished in the melee, although he's arguably four times as ferocious. Unfortunately the Westeros-wide melee ends in a gruesome Reservoir Dogs-esque tie. Only the people who didn't bother to get involved are still alive.

Luckily for Cersei, everyone forgot about her and started fighting, so we can suppose that technically Tommen is still king but hang on! Then the Hound shows up and kicks his head off just because he can, and he laughs in Cersei's face. Then he takes the helmet off. It's only bloody Jaime Lannister! He's escaped because Lady Stoneheart was just a mirage. Then Varys kills them both to preserve peace in the realm or something. Then he kills everyone else in Kings Landing.

Arya was wielding the fourth dagger that struck Jon Snow. By now she's become so desensitised to violence that this is her only way of showing affection. She's made her way to the Wall to throw a surprise party to celebrate him becoming Lord Commander, and unfortunately it's all gone a bit stabby for Arya again. She was only trying to show him she remembered his advice about the pointy end. The reason all the watchmen were crying was because she'd forgotten to put her face back on. On the bright side, Arya and Melisandre get on great.

Oh, and he's definitely dead.

The Others have been misjudged and basically keep themselves to themselves. Winter only lasts for a fortnight. Spring Break is awesome.

After most people kill each other Theon becomes king for some reason and one morning he wakes to discover his member has grown back. Theon is a pretty good king, and he restores peace to the realm, a feat which is made easier by the fact there are only 106 people still alive in Westeros. Unfortunately Theon is so delighted that his dong has grown back he insists his subjects address it as the 'prong that was promised' This takes the shine off things. Varys is rewarded for his one man genocide spree by being elevated to the trusted post of Hand of the King. The relationship between Theon and Varys is complicated by the fact that Varys' todger hasn't grown back. They don't really talk about it, but it's an elephant in the room.

 

[Miko]

I just finished reading the 4th book again yesterday and have a couple of questions, that may already have been discussed so apologies if I'm retreading old ground.

Spoiler

What is Littlefingers end game with Sansa? I can't believe that he would just want The North. Plus, his plan for Sansa to marry Harrold is dependent on Tyrion being found and killed which doesn't seem like a particularly easy task.

Barbosa, am I right in thinking that you believed Pate to be Jaqen? If so, is Samwell fucked?

What is the word Brienne potentially said? I saw another forum where Jaime, Sansa, Ice and Arya were favourites. I doubt it will be Sansa or Jaime as Brienne said them several times before. Cat wouldn't know Arya is still alive, so that's a possibility. Oathkeeper was forged from Ice so there is that connection, but it doesn't seem strong enough for me. One word that stood out to me a couple of times was Sapphires but I can't remember the exact context in which it is mentioned.

Spoiler

I honestly don't think Littlefinger has an end-game, more specifically he's like a kid in a sweet shop and he's scooping up as much as possible.

Pate is Jaqen most likely, but I don't think he's working with the Faceless Men, I believe the Faceless Men aren't supposed to know the names of their victims and Jaquen has asked for and known the names of every one of his so far.

The word that Brienne shouted was most likely "Sword" Stoneheart gave Brienne a choice, the noose or the sword.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/09/10/game-of-thrones-sigur-ros/

Cannot fucking wait! I would have had them pegged as willing a but if they're filming in Croatia then that makes me think they could be involved in the Kings Landing shenanigans?

Oh I'm so fucking happy right now!

 

[Барбоса]

Filming in Croatia you say?

Liking part of wedding entertainment then.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

That would be awesome and make me enjoy that episode even more than I know I will already.

 

[Fizzy]

So the guy on the right is the new Gregor Clegane. His name is Julius Bjornsson. He is 6'9, 420 pounds with 3% body fat. Iceland's strongest man and pretty much the biggest mother fucker you'll ever see. I really dare anybody to complain about the Mountain's size ever again.

As for Littlefinger's endstory

Spoiler

I think Littlefinger will overextend his hand by conquering the North and lose everything he's ever had ultimately culminating in his death. I really don't see him being a major player in the game. Just somebody nobody takes seriously.

 

[Hulk Hogan's Brother]

I heard that even Jojen Reed was being recasted and the person playing him would be one of the Lannister boys that Lord Karstark killed.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Without Melisandre's help, how would that work?!

 

[Miko]

Dunno if this has been mentioned here, but I think Mark Gatiss is playing "the banker."

With any luck the casting of him and Bronze Yohn is a sign that they plan to make a few plots move a bit quicker.

 

[Барбоса]

Hadn't heard either of these but am quite happy.

Seeing Gatiss as Tycho Nestoris is good and a bigger role for the Iron Bank of Braavos is no bad thing as it helps to highlight how much of a mess Cersei makes of things and perhaps how Stannis is able to afford to continue his fight for the Iron Throne despite his defeat on the Blackwater.

As for Bronze Yohn, that should mean a bit more from Littlefinger in the Vale before his secret nocturnal "rescue mission" to Kings Landing and more Littlefinger is always good.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

So, the Magnar of Thenn has been cast. Dude looks a bit like Sean Astin (I think that's LOTR's Sam's proper name anyway) and has been in a bunch of Russian shows, so we may need to see if Gelgarin knows about him.

Spoiler

http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/11/05/game-of-thrones-styr/

 

[Miko]

Hadn't heard either of these but am quite happy.

Seeing Gatiss as Tycho Nestoris is good and a bigger role for the Iron Bank of Braavos is no bad thing as it helps to highlight how much of a mess Cersei makes of things and perhaps how Stannis is able to afford to continue his fight for the Iron Throne despite his defeat on the Blackwater.

As for Bronze Yohn, that should mean a bit more from Littlefinger in the Vale before his secret nocturnal "rescue mission" to Kings Landing and more Littlefinger is always good.

When your company motto is "the iron bank will have its due" not having it feature more is criminal. Gillens growly voice gets on my nerves.

So, the Magnar of Thenn has been cast. Dude looks a bit like Sean Astin (I think that's LOTR's Sam's proper name anyway) and has been in a bunch of Russian shows, so we may need to see if Gelgarin knows about him.

Spoiler

http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/11/05/game-of-thrones-styr/

I honestly thought they'd merge him with Tormund, hopefully that means we get funny Tormund, dulling everyone else down so the Lannisters and Littlefinger sound super witty makes me sad

 

[Miko]

The guy who plays Bronze Yohn is Lord Ashefordley from Heartbeat. For those of us old enough to have had to have sat through it because for some god awful reason your parents liked it.

Mahoosive rumours about two other castings made though;

Spoiler

The three eyed crow

and

Spoiler

A child of the forest

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Who else has watched the Foreshadowing video then? The teases of the dragons were great but the final shot was beautiful.

 

[Miko]

I watched it, can't remember the final shot. Was it Stannis? I know he was in it close to the end. If it wasn't him then I'll have to respectfully disagree.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Not so much a him as a what.

I did want to hear from Stannis and or Knuckles but I'll just tell myself that they are subliminally adding to the idea of Stannis being an afterthought for people as he tries to climb the chaos ladder.

 

[Miko]

Oh yeah, the shot in your sig, that was cool. To be fair, the trailer covered all the parts that everyone actually cares about. Another one tonight, or am I dreaming and shit?

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

No dreams, 2nd teaser tonight.

Yeh, I was pleased to see what looked like the beginning of Ben Plumm's fight. I hope they include his shitting act of rebellion.

 

[Miko]

You mean Belwas? Think re-cast Daario is doing that one, so shitting seems unlikely.

 

[Dowdsy McDowds]

Well, shit

Edit - So Ben Plumm is the locust eater then? There are very few people in Daenarys' story whose names and functions I can fully remember.

 

[Барбоса]

Strong Belwas is the victory-shitter and the advocate for the poison locusts diet.

Brown Ben Plumm is the Commander of the Second Sons who

Spoiler

helps Danaeyrs capture Mereen only to later desert her when he feels she cannot control the dragons.

It is him Tyrion and Jorah end up joining in ADWD.