Will... I need your Help...

[Jonny B]

Since Will is going to be the only one to give a constructive answer…

So I went out on Friday night, had a jolly good time, drank a lot, danced like a fool etc… and I also met a girl.

I’m not going to bore everyone with the details of how it went down or anything, but I’ll just say we got fairly close and I almost scored an invite back to hers (yeah almost &#61516. I got her number and she said she was going to come in and see me at work on Saturday which she did. Now on the night me and both my friends thought her and her two friends were really hot, we were basically coming on to them all night, however when the girl I hooked up with came in to work on Saturday my two friends (who I work with) turned around and said they didn’t think she was that hot, personally I thought she was really good looking, pretty much exactly my type. Figured I’d probably see her again, but honestly I’m not too sure now. I am unbelievably picky when it comes to women, I find one little thing wrong and I’ll basically tell them to fuck off I guess it might be down to the fact that I still hold my ex up pretty high and maybe I compare girls I meet to her.

So this girl is from Cyprus, and the other thing that’s worrying me is there might be a bit of difficulty with the language barrier. English girls sometimes have a hard time getting my sense of humour, so someone from another country probably isn’t going to understand it in the slightest. Anyway, I’ve kind of arranged to meet her on Thursday for a drink, but I’m contemplating bailing on it. I’m not sure why, but my friends reactions to her has kind of put me off, where as before I was thinking it might be cool to see her again, if nothing I could finish what I started on Friday night…

So what does everyone think I should do, bail or actually go and see her?

 

[C.M.]

I think you should go see her

 

[HBK-aholic]

Well, what sticks out to me is your ex. Whether you still have big feelings for her or not, I think it's obvious there is something there. That being said, it's almost impossible to start a new relationship while you still have someone else on your mind. You will forever be comparing the 2, and neither of you will be happy.

Take some time to think about things with your ex. Remind yourself why you broke up. And, slowly it'll seem easier to move on. If you're looking for something not serious with this girl, and she feels the same, then maybe it could help you. But if you want different things, or you're still realy into your ex, I wouldn't say it was a good idea to get involved.

As for your friends, well really, they shouldn't be a problem in it. Everyone has dated someone their friends didn't 'think was hot' beforehand. The thing is, you did think it. And picture how you'd feel without knowing their reaction, because I think it'd be a lot better.

As for language, I presume she can speak English? Who knows, maybe she will completely understand your humour, and you could get on really well. My advice is to meet her that once, and just get to know her. See how well you get on, and if you don't feel anything after that, there's nothing wrong in saying I don't think anything more will happen between us.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Since Will is going to be the only one to give a constructive answer…

I swear I need my own mini-section thats like Dear Abby. I love helping though, so its completely great.

So I went out on Friday night, had a jolly good time, drank a lot, danced like a fool etc… and I also met a girl.

I’m not going to bore everyone with the details of how it went down or anything, but I’ll just say we got fairly close and I almost scored an invite back to hers (yeah almost &#61516. I got her number and she said she was going to come in and see me at work on Saturday which she did. Now on the night me and both my friends thought her and her two friends were really hot, we were basically coming on to them all night, however when the girl I hooked up with came in to work on Saturday my two friends (who I work with) turned around and said they didn’t think she was that hot, personally I thought she was really good looking, pretty much exactly my type. Figured I’d probably see her again, but honestly I’m not too sure now. I am unbelievably picky when it comes to women, I find one little thing wrong and I’ll basically tell them to fuck off I guess it might be down to the fact that I still hold my ex up pretty high and maybe I compare girls I meet to her.

Your biggest issue is going to be the fact that you still hold your ex in a high light and you'll naturally, UNintentionally try and compare everyone to her. Which I'm going to tell you right now.. noone will compare, noone will come close. I've been in the same situation, and noone compares to Desiree' -- doesn't mean noone is just as good, if not better, and thats what you need to realize.

Each girl (just like each guy) has their own flaws and qualities. You had a great time with this girl, do you think it was due to drinking? Were you so impaired that you honestly can't recall how great the night with her was? Obviously you recall the night in some manner.

You originally felt she was hot. (could've been the drinking?) You originally felt she was exactly your type. I think this is too much of a good opportunity for you to pass up.

So this girl is from Cyprus, and the other thing that’s worrying me is there might be a bit of difficulty with the language barrier. English girls sometimes have a hard time getting my sense of humour, so someone from another country probably isn’t going to understand it in the slightest. Anyway, I’ve kind of arranged to meet her on Thursday for a drink, but I’m contemplating bailing on it. I’m not sure why, but my friends reactions to her has kind of put me off, where as before I was thinking it might be cool to see her again, if nothing I could finish what I started on Friday night…

You mentioned being picky about any selective detail. The fact is, no female is going to be perfect.. each one comes with a handbag full of shit and problems. Guys are the same. I'm not saying you can't be picky, but I am saying if you go through life thinking you're gonna find one girl that fits perfectly to your exact description, then it'll never be anyone you'll end up with.. short of you ending up with your ex.

(figure it out yet?) Because, the fact is.. perfection is what you build it to be, and its also what you compare every other female to. You said yourself you hold your ex up high, which means to you, she was everything perfect for you.. which means, noone else will ever be her.. how could they?

I think you're scared in a ways to think you ever could move on from your ex, in fear that if you do she might want you back and then either you'll have to break the heart of the one you're with.. or perhaps in your mind you fear you'll have moved on from her.

The one thing I'm almost sure of, is you'll never move on from that memory of her. But everyone moves on, and while you'll never forget how much you love her.. life won't stop just because you refuse to move forward, and if you wait too long.. it'll pass you by.

So what does everyone think I should do, bail or actually go and see her?

So, your friends no longer think shes AS pretty. Are your friends going to be making all your decisions for you? Because (no offense) I could give a shit less what my friends think of who "I" consider pretty or good for me. I'll listen to opinions, I'll accept opinions, as long as my friends understand thats all they are.. opinions, advice I DO NOT have to take.

My best friend thought my first girlfriend was a ****. (so that one was half true) But the fact is, he also didn't agree with my feelings toward someone else recently, and he felt that Desiree' wasn't pretty at all.. when the fact is I don't know anyone that could be better.

The overall point I'm trying to make is this.. your friends don't run your life, so how can they make big decisions, such as this, for you.

Take the date on Thursday, nothing will hurt you from it. Whats the worst that could happen, you like the girl.. she ends up liking you? You don't connect and you realize that more on Thursday? The fact is, knowing is better than not knowing. And its just drinks. Go for it.

 

[Jonny B]

I swear I need my own mini-section thats like Dear Abby. I love helping though, so its completely great.

I'm tempted to make a forum

Your biggest issue is going to be the fact that you still hold your ex in a high light and you'll naturally, UNintentionally try and compare everyone to her. Which I'm going to tell you right now.. noone will compare, noone will come close. I've been in the same situation, and noone compares to Desiree' -- doesn't mean noone is just as good, if not better, and thats what you need to realize.

This will kind of answer what Becca said about me maybe not being over my ex. To be honest I think I'm as over her as I will be. She was my first love, we were together for five years and I think a part of me is always going to love her. But your right no-one is going to compare, but that doesn't mean I can't find something better.

Each girl (just like each guy) has their own flaws and qualities. You had a great time with this girl, do you think it was due to drinking? Were you so impaired that you honestly can't recall how great the night with her was? Obviously you recall the night in some manner.

I wasn't that drunk. I was drunk enough that I approached (on my own) a group of girls, but not too drunk that I can remember everything I did and said. I did have a really good time with her, and she made me laugh so fucking much... the girl I met is a bit crazy which is one of the things I always find attractive in a girl.

You originally felt she was hot. (could've been the drinking?) You originally felt she was exactly your type. I think this is too much of a good opportunity for you to pass up.

I thought she was stunning if I'm honest, and when I saw her the day after, I felt the exact same way.

You mentioned being picky about any selective detail. The fact is, no female is going to be perfect.. each one comes with a handbag full of shit and problems. Guys are the same. I'm not saying you can't be picky, but I am saying if you go through life thinking you're gonna find one girl that fits perfectly to your exact description, then it'll never be anyone you'll end up with.. short of you ending up with your ex.

My ex had alot of flaws to, but I looked past that. Maybe I just have to get over the hump so to speak... get through the feeling of wanting to pass something up over little things, until it gets to the stage where I might actually feel something for someone else.

(figure it out yet?) Because, the fact is.. perfection is what you build it to be, and its also what you compare every other female to. You said yourself you hold your ex up high, which means to you, she was everything perfect for you.. which means, noone else will ever be her.. how could they?

I think there is someone out there who would be better for me than my ex... but I often think it'll be hard to find.

I think you're scared in a ways to think you ever could move on from your ex, in fear that if you do she might want you back and then either you'll have to break the heart of the one you're with.. or perhaps in your mind you fear you'll have moved on from her.

Yeah, pretty much bang on dude.

The one thing I'm almost sure of, is you'll never move on from that memory of her. But everyone moves on, and while you'll never forget how much you love her.. life won't stop just because you refuse to move forward, and if you wait too long.. it'll pass you by.

Again, bang on.

So, your friends no longer think shes AS pretty. Are your friends going to be making all your decisions for you? Because (no offense) I could give a shit less what my friends think of who "I" consider pretty or good for me. I'll listen to opinions, I'll accept opinions, as long as my friends understand thats all they are.. opinions, advice I DO NOT have to take.

My best friend thought my first girlfriend was a ****. (so that one was half true) But the fact is, he also didn't agree with my feelings toward someone else recently, and he felt that Desiree' wasn't pretty at all.. when the fact is I don't know anyone that could be better.

The overall point I'm trying to make is this.. your friends don't run your life, so how can they make big decisions, such as this, for you.

I honestly felt like my two friends were a bit jealous. One of them is in a relationship, but I get the impression he wants to be able to do what I do on a night out, and my other friend is hopeless with girls... even when I tried to get him in with one of her friends they just didn't want any part of him. They seemed a bit annoyed that I'd met someone that night when if it was me and one of my friends had met someone, the first thing I'd do is high five them.

Take the date on Thursday, nothing will hurt you from it. Whats the worst that could happen, you like the girl.. she ends up liking you? You don't connect and you realize that more on Thursday? The fact is, knowing is better than not knowing. And its just drinks. Go for it.

Yeah... I think I will actually, I guess the worst thing that can happen is I dont really like her that much.

 

[Slyfox696]

If you're considering not meeting her because of what you're friends said, that's pretty ridiculous.

A girl you think is hot is into you, and you won't meet her because of what your friends say?

Go for it.

 

[Jonny B]

If you're considering not meeting her because of what you're friends said, that's pretty ridiculous.

I think my friends reactions more bought some other stuff to my attention I wasn't thinking about before hand. But yeah it would be pathetic.

 

[Slyfox696]

I think my friends reactions more bought some other stuff to my attention I wasn't thinking about before hand. But yeah it would be pathetic.

Allow me to quote a Matt Damon movie...


"You're not perfect sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she's not perfect either. The question is, are you perfect for each other? Because that's all that really matters."

 

[justinsayne]

Good Will Hunting?

 

[Slyfox696]

Good Will Hunting?

Great call.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

I'm tempted to make a forum

I'd add you second to the list of anal possibilities, behind Jenna Haze, of course.

By the way - I was turned down by the local newspaper for writing advice columns because they already actually use Dear Abby.. and apparently I can't compete with that.

This will kind of answer what Becca said about me maybe not being over my ex. To be honest I think I'm as over her as I will be. She was my first love, we were together for five years and I think a part of me is always going to love her. But your right no-one is going to compare, but that doesn't mean I can't find something better.

You'll NEVER be over her. Not if she was your first. Shes a memory and apart of your heart that won't be replaced, forgotten or ever over completely. That still obviously doesn't mean you can't go on living and find someone else that will come to mean just as much.

A person's first love is typically the biggest part of their heart & soul, next to a person's child, family, and person they come to spend the rest of their life with. Thats why this is so hard for you. I've been there, probably still am.

I wasn't that drunk. I was drunk enough that I approached (on my own) a group of girls, but not too drunk that I can remember everything I did and said. I did have a really good time with her, and she made me laugh so fucking much... the girl I met is a bit crazy which is one of the things I always find attractive in a girl.

Sounds like the first step to moving on to me. Its important to advance on this, if for nothing else you might make a new friend.. and you mentioned not long ago that you felt like you needed more true ones.

I thought she was stunning if I'm honest, and when I saw her the day after, I felt the exact same way.

Then theres nothing else to say. You feel shes beautiful, your friends shouldn't have a say in the matter unless they control which way your dick goes.

Like I said before, I've had friends & best friends that didn't find the same girls as I did attractive.. and vise versa from myself to them, doesn't mean what doesn't work for them, won't work for you.

My ex had alot of flaws to, but I looked past that. Maybe I just have to get over the hump so to speak... get through the feeling of wanting to pass something up over little things, until it gets to the stage where I might actually feel something for someone else.

The funny thing is though, like I said, everyone has flaws. Those we come to fall in love with, we don't see them. We only see the best in them, the top quality they have. Hell, we even come to build them as more than what they truly could be.

Not to say once you do find the flaws, or come to see them that its awful, its just its a typical human reaction that we overlook flaws from those we fall in love with.

I think there is someone out there who would be better for me than my ex... but I often think it'll be hard to find.

The way I try to look at is, is like this.

Someone in this world IS better for me than Desiree', because I didn't end up with Desiree' which means clearly someone has to be better for me short of me ending up alone. (if that makes sense)

The point is, you aren't with your ex. Can't say it'd never happen, but its not happening right now. And near as I can tell, she isn't stopping her life from continuing without you as her main guy in it. So why should you quit living for her, when as bad as it'll sound.. she wouldn't do the same for you.

The only person worth truly caring about as #1, is the person who'll care about you in the same light.

I honestly felt like my two friends were a bit jealous. One of them is in a relationship, but I get the impression he wants to be able to do what I do on a night out, and my other friend is hopeless with girls... even when I tried to get him in with one of her friends they just didn't want any part of him. They seemed a bit annoyed that I'd met someone that night when if it was me and one of my friends had met someone, the first thing I'd do is high five them.

I think you answered your own mystery. One friend (in a relationship) is jealous because he can't go out night after night and hit on someone "better looking" so he'll downgrade every other female as horrible, not because he feels they are.. so much as because he wants so badly to believe they could be.

Meanwhile, your other friend sounds like he has a horrible time with females, so naturally his defend system is going to say no female is good enough if they won't pay HIM attention. If the girl who liked you, wasn't showing any like in him, then by the sound of it, he won't claim shes worth liking back.

Yeah... I think I will actually, I guess the worst thing that can happen is I dont really like her that much.

Exactly. Drinks is all it is.. making a new friend, starting a new beginning, advancing in life. Good luck with everything.. don't over analyze (sp?) the situation though.. its just drinks to get to know each other.

 

[Lil Wes]

Saving Private Ryan > Other Damon movies.

 

[Shocky]

Saving Private Ryan > Other Damon movies.

Agreed, Vin Diesels best movie too.

 

[justinsayne]

Agreed, Vin Diesels best movie too.

Like that takes much

 

[Shocky]

exactly, Vin's ten lines make it his best movie, the least amount of screen time.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Agreed, Vin Diesels best movie too.

Come on now, Triple X was my favorite Vin Diesel movie, outside of Fast and the Furious.. the only thing I hated about both is I'm not a big car buff, so A.) I was kinda clueless and

B.) When I see F&F in the theatre about 50 guys around me all orgasmed at once during the big garage sceen with his prized car that he wrecks at the end.

To stay remotely on tap for topic.. the girl in XXX (Asia something) looks similar to Desiree' I can't watch that movie without thinking of her.

 

[Uncle Sam]

Pitch Black is Vin Diesel's best movie. Like that isn't constructive.

 

[Father:_Polley]

honestly jonny, i dont know you well enough to be dishing out advice, but my view would be that you thinking she's hot matters more than what your friends think.

get to know the girl and go in with no expectations, no judging her based on what you want to happen or what other people think. go with the intention of meeting her and finding out if you actually like the girl, or whether it's nothing more than 'damn she's hot'.

you've said there's someone out there better than your ex, but you won't find her if you don't look. give it a go and have a good night out.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Pitch Black is Vin Diesel's best movie. Like that isn't constructive.

Too bad I still seen him in it. And Riddick was a horrible sequel.

 

[justinsayne]

XXX was a horriable movie, just horriable

Pitch Black wasn't too bad, but all in all Knockaround Guys was his best, I beleive he dies in that one

 

[Uncle Sam]

Too bad I still seen him in it.

English please.

And Riddick was a horrible sequel.

Fucking thank you. I told everyone that but they didn't listen.

 

[Eternal Dragon]

Eh no one's seen that movie where he's a manny?

Flames Out
Dragon

 

[Uncle Sam]

Was a bit tearful at one point during that. The baby called him dadda.

 

[TheOneBigWill]

Eh no one's seen that movie where he's a manny?

Flames Out
Dragon

I couldn't express my love for that movie in front of the other guys. Might come off a bit Klunder.

 

[Father:_Polley]

*raises hand* i've seen it