The morning after Redemption, on ESPN's First and 10...
Dana Jacobson: "Welcome to 1st and 10, on the thirteenth day of june. Today we have a special guest but first, our residential 'hater', Skip Bayless!"
Skip Bayless: "Yeah, but today is special, because not only do I get to murder someone, but today, I get to assassinate a 'King'!"
Dana: "And that King that he is speaking of is none other than a fast rising member of the WZCW wrestling company. Welcome for the first time on ESPN 1st and 10, The King of Zimbabwe, King Shabba!"
King Shabba sat across from Skip Bayless at the ESPN debate table in front of Dana Jacobson, dressed in a different attire than he is used to. He has on a white suit, with a dark green shirt under it, with a gold tie, a gold hankerchief in his suit jacket pocket, and dark green dress shoes with gold socks.He grabbed at the collared shirt in an attempt to adjust it as the camera focus in on him. He still had his crown on, and he recently had the tips of his dredlocks dyed a goldish color. With the extra time off from the busy WZCW schedule, he decided to use his spare time to put his face out into the national spotlight through the media.
"......"
Skip holds out his hand as he always does to offer a hand shake to King Shabba, who does not alter his seating in his chair, highly prestigous and sitting straight as possible without any sign of emotion on his face. He looks down at Skip's hand and then back at Skip as he refuses his handshake without saying a single word or making any other movements.
Skip: "Wow, he must have already heard how vicious I am against my opponents. No matter, you'll be bowing to me after this show."
Skip said with a laugh. This forced King Shabba to change his facial expression to anger as he finally replied
"I'll never bow to you Americans! You, pathetic old man, should bow to me now!"
He stood out of his seat and demanded Skip to bow to him, which Skip refused to do as he continued to laugh. King Shabba finally sat back into the chair and continued
"It doesn't matter, you're not worth the time it would waste to have you bow to a superior being. Stay being a disrespectful little woman."
Skip: "So you are the King of Zimbabwe, huh? I thought Zimbabwe was a republic."
"It was, until I unified my people and declared it as my Empire, The Zimbabwe Empire. We have unified the lands of Botswana, Namibia, Mozambique, Swaziland, Lesotho, and most of Sothern Africa. And with our alignment with Congo in the past, we will only expand. I alone will rise my people to the upper echelon of the world."
Skip: "Well if you are the King of this 'Empire', are you worried about it falling apart with you being here?"
"Not at all. The Zimbabwe Defence Forces, and our National Army has expanded with the unification of these lands, so I fear not for the safety of my people while I am here."
Skip: "Well, make sure you learn how to fight first, I managed to see highlights of your lost at that pay per view last night, that other guy destroyed you."
"I was not destroyed, nor did I lose because I was not better, I lost because that was my tactical plan."
Skip: "Tactical plan? Of getting beat up? What kind of tactical plan is that?"
"It was to give him a false sense of security. To make him feel like he could possibly contend with me. But in reality, he doesn't stand an ice cream sandwich chance in a volcano of beating me. And I will destroy him, when we meet in the ring again, if he doesn't fear me, that is."
Skip: "Why would he fear a guy that he beat fair and square?"
"I will show you what there is to fear!"
The King rose from his seat once again, and leaned over the table before Dana Jacobson interfered.
Dana: "Okay, these two hate each other already, let's get going. 1st down, we have the NBA playoffs. The Dallas Mavericks, after many were saying that they were going to lose in the first round in the playoffs, and some were even calling them the 'one and done boys', have won the NBA championship after they defeated LeBron James and the Miami Heat in game six last night. What does this do to Dirk's legacy? Skip?
Skip: "It makes him one of the greatest basketball players of all time. He was already one of the greatest foreign players ever. I mean, the Mavericks beat all of the teams that people, including myself, said they couldn't. They beat the Trailblazers, the former defending NBA Champion Los Angelos Lakers, a young Thunder team that shows so much promise for the future, and even the Miami Superfriends. And who lead them the entire playoffs? The 7 foot tall GerNo one in the world cares about the Mavericks.
Dana: "Wow, okay, why do you say that King Shabba?"
"No one cares about the NBA. The NBA is an American sport's league, which means that it's a league full of drug selling, drug addicted, in the closet, rapist playing against other drug selling, drug addicted, in the closet, rapist. No one outside of America cares about the NBA!"
Skip: "But we are in America, so that's why it's a big topic, do you even realize where you are?"
"Yes. I'm in Hell."
Dana: "Oooookay, well, on to the next topic, the MLB is underway and the Texas Rangers are making a strong case that they could return to the World Series, King Shabba, do you think they could win the World Series this year?"
"How can it be called a 'World' Series if the world isn't involved? I see no team in YOUR sports leagues that does not reside in America or Canada, so why isn't it known as the 'North American' Series? Until you include teams from around the world, like the Zimbabwe Mighty Lions, which doesn't exist because we don't care about baseball, than it can't be called the 'World' Series."
Skip: "It's the World Series because it is the biggest sporting series in the world."
"It is not. It is the biggest series in the world of North America. The biggest games in the world happen in the World Cup! It's called the World Cup because it includes the World. Even the horrible US team is including, although they could never beat a team from the motherland, yet another thing we do better than you."
Dana Jacobson: "Okay, and with that note, we'll be right back with second down after his."
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During the commercial break
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Skip: "Well, your Kingliness, why did you come on the show if you dislike sports so much?"
"I don't dislike sports, only American sports. And I'm on here because my father used to watch this network when I was young!"
Dana: "Your father?"
"Yes, my father, JeMonte."
Skip: "There was a King before you? Named JeMonte? Never heard of him."
"No, he was not the king, he was the President, of sorts. I, am the first and only King."
Skip: "This doesn't make any sense. How could you become a King?"
"My father's dying wish, was for Zimbabwe to rise up and become a dominant nation. He wanted me, his son, to unite our people, so he declared me King."
Skip: "But a president doesn't have the power to annoint a king."
"He did! Before he was killed!"
Skip: "Killed? His own people turned on him?"
"Never. He was killed here, in the United States. He was close friends with the former president Bill Clinton. They used to smoke Ganja together. One day, while out with the President of these United States, he was suddenly attacked by a secret military organization, due to them feeling as if he was a threat to the Commander-in-chief. The United States' Government would then cover up the incident, like it never happened."
Skip: "Then how do you know?"
"Because I was there..."
The King lowered his head in attempt to hide the slight tear he was beginning to shed. Behind the scenes, Nnamdi is seen shaking his head in denial as King Shabba spoke. he held his head down is disbelief, or maybe it was because he was embarrassed by his king's actions on a national stage.
Nnamdi: (To Himself)"But that isn't what happened... How could he lie like that?"
Nnamdi walked away and quickly dissappeared. The King quickly wiped his eyes and held his head up high and proudly.
Dana: "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that."
"It doesn't matter. Your sorrow does nothing for me, neither does your pity.
Dana: "I see."
"Also, it would be a great place for me to promote the WZCW's allstar event, seeing how the bigger the company gets, the better it will be when I take over."
Skip: "So you came here to plug yourself? You waste our precious time from our busy lives to promote yourself and a wrestling company?"
"American's busy life? Busy life of what, sitting their fat asses in front of their big screen tv watching other people talk about sports that they are too lazy to go outside and play? Or watching 3D commercials for, what is that placed called again? Pizza Hut? Trying to bite the 3D stuffed crust fatty pizza? Yeah, they're really busy."
Dana: "I'm sorry to have to cut you two apart right now but the commercial break is almost over."
The crew gives word that the show will continue in 5...4....3....2...
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Live on ESPN
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Dana: "Welcome back to ESPN First and Ten, we are here with Skip and WZCW wrestler, King Shabba."
"I would rather be announced as the King of Zimbabwe, King Shabba, who is currently wrestling in the WZCW."
Dana: "Okay, anyway, here on second down, we have the NHL, and the NHL Stanley Cup Finals, with game 6 between the Canucks lead the Bruins 3 games to 2, Skip, do you think that we'll see the Stanley Cup come out tonight or will we go to a game 7?"
Skip: "I think that we'll see a game 7. I mean, the Vancouver Canucks have been destroyed in this building where they've been outscored 12-1 in this series. I definitely think we'll see a game 7."
"Yet another stupid North American sport. This one is the sport of Canada. They even have a team called the Canucks in the championship? A sport where teethless ******s fight other teethless ******s. Yeah, let's watch "******ed Toothless Boxing... on Ice!" This stupid sport should be canceled forever."
Dana: "We go back to the NBA now, and the comments made by LeBron James after the NBA finals lost, speaking on how all of the haters and doubters have to go back to 'real life' and how he'll continue to do what he wants to do and be happy with his family, what are your thoughts?
Skip: "I think that my close friend, who played more like LeBrick last night, was totally out of line for saying those things. I don't think he meant it the way it sounded, but he chose the wrong words. It just shows thThat none of you Americans know anything. He is absolutely right. All of the fans will go back to struggling to pay their bills, and struggling to pay for their triple cheeseburgers. No matter how many times your sports 'stars' lose, they'll still be rich, and they'll still be better off than the fans. If I were this guy, LeBrandon James or whatever his stupid name is, I would have told all of the fans to kiss my *beep* and that they could *beep* *beep* my *beep* in a *beep* *beep* *beep* and then come back and *beep* theyself in the *beep* and *beep* the *beep* in their *beep* *beep*.
During his profanity laced rant, the network goes to emergency commercial break.
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During The Break
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Dana: "Okay, ShabbaIt's KING Shabba and you shall address me as such, you stupid American ****!"
Before Dana could react, Skip proceeded her and she dashed off the set of the show in tears, the tv crew looked around franticly for a replacement host.
Skip: "Hey, that's crossing the line, I understand you are a 'King' but that doesn't give you the right to speak to anyone that way. And all of your profanity isn't necessary here either."
"I am the King of Zimbabwe. incase your small American brain forgot that already, I can speak to whichever American I want, however I desire. If you or anyone else dislikes my actions, then force me to change them, if not, then shut up!"
Skip: "But this is a family show. This isn't back in Africa where you chase animals for amusement. This is America."
"Yes, you people do not chase animals here, but that is because you are too fat and lazy. The only thing that moves fast here is the numbers on the scale when your fat asses stand on them."
Skip: "Haha, that's really fun, now enough jokes, can we just finish the show so we can all go on about our day?"
The crew informed the set that they will be back on in 5...4...3...2...
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Live on ESPN
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Lil Wayne, who was currently speaking on ESPN's PTI, walked onto the set and sat in the seat where Dana once sat.
Lil Wayne: "Welcome back to ESPN's 1st and 10. It's young Weezy Baaaabaaaaay and I'm filling in for Dana who had an emergency and had to leave."
Skip: "I'm glad to see you on the show again, Little Wayne, I guess you're afraid to sit across from me again so you decided to be the host, I respect that."
Lil Wayne and Skip have a laugh before Lil Wayne contines,
Lil Wayne: "The next topic is the NFL lockout, the owners and the players union held another meeting a few days ago, ya dig, do you think that we'll see a collective bargaining agreement made before the start of the regular season?"
Skip: "Honestly, Wayne, I think they'll work it out. There's too much money that would be lost for them to sit out an entire year, you know all about making money, and both the owners and the players want to make money."
Lil Wayne: "King?"
"I think that they are just crying because their steroid shipment hasn't came in yet. Once everyone get's their needle shot into their ass they'll kiss and make up, seriously kiss and make up."
Skip: "Steroids? Seriously? How many NFL players do you think are actually on steroids?"
"I know that since they are American, it would be no less than 100!"
Lil Wayne: "100? That's not even two entire football teams worth of players."
"No, I meant 100 percent! All of them."
Skip: "Wow. So you think all of the players in the NFL are on steroids? Even the pencil thin kickers?"
"Yes, but speaking on steroids, coming soon, the greatest wrestling company, WZCW, will be having a special event, WZCW Allstars. Make sure you tune in and watch. Of course, the African Lion King won't be competing because they will obviously have steroids somehow involved, but you should still watch anyway. Now, that, is real sports news."
Skip: "You mean like your sport? 'Wrestling'? Yeah, like that's a 'real' sport. It's not even a sport, that's why we don't mention it on ESPN, because we are a 'sports' network."
"You better watch your damn mouth before I jump over this desk and shove my foot so far up your *beep* that you'll sneeze shoe polish for the rest of your damn life!"
The camera crew quickly threw on a commercial for the NBA Champion Dallas Mavericks DVD.
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During The Break
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Skip: "Wait, let me read my script first so I know how you'll 'beat me up'!"
"Yeah, I'll show you how real this is!"
King Shabba sprang out of his seat and stood on the desk. Lil Wayne stood up and tried to stop King Shabba from stomping Skip Bayless into the ground.
Lil Wayne: "Whoa, calm down, son, it's just a friendly debate, homie. Relax, baby."
"SHUT UP! If you want to get your ass kicked, I'll happily do it for you too, shorty!"
Skip: "Maybe you should listen to your favorite rapper! Yeah, you didn't think I knew that the man who hates everything American has a favorite rapper who is American?"
"This idiot isn't my favorite rapper! He is a rapper who doesn't even know the meaning of his own dreadlocks, but other than that, I've never listen to any of his songs outside of my entrance music! He kisses men on the lips, that's how you can tell he is American!"
Lil Wayne grew angry at the mentioning of him kissing his "father" and began to raise his voice
Lil Wayne: "That's mafia style! You don't know nothing 'bout the Mafia, homie! That's what we do, ya dig! We family!"
King Shabba swiftly kicked Lil Wayne in the mouth and made him stumble back onto the ground
"Yeah, the homosexual Mafia. I bet you kiss each other in other places too, don't you?"
He then refocused on Skip as the crew tended to Lil Wayne and tried to get King Shabba off of the table. The camera's returned to the show with a vision of an enraged King Shabba leaping off of the table and attacking Skip Bayless before he is forcably restrained by security. As they remove him from the building he looks at the camera one last time, and smiles a golden smile as the screen fades to black.